Friday, September 4, 2015

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Denali Distraction: I For One Welcome Obama's Focus on Renaming Mountains and Running Wild on Reality TV Shows in Alaska...

...If these things are the kinds of foolishness with which Obama is going to consume his presidential time over the next 17 months, His Majesty is doing us all one heck of a favor.

Hell, let's sprinkle in even more vacation and golf course time while you're at it there, King Nothing!

But alas, never fear: I'm sure he'll go right back to wrecking the country and giving America its just comeuppance as soon as Alaska's in the rear-view in a few days...

Plenty of time for sleepin', after all, when he's out of office and fully entrenched in D.C. as the most obnoxious ex-president the country's ever seen before.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Murderer of Reporter In Virginia Was "Censured [By His TV Station] for Wearing Obama Sticker While 'Reporting' on Election Day": But Why Such a Harsh Indictment For that Offense?

As Jorge Ramos would proclaim, "We have a right to act however the hell we see fit as shill, activist, advocate, flunky ideologues who call ourselves journalists!"

Maybe next the Supreme Court can write that one into the 14th Amendment too? Any means that it takes, after all, to get to those desired leftist 20 percenter ends, no?

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

As Mentally Challenged Joe Biden Inches Towards Presidential Run, It's Easy to See Why democrat party Prides Itself on Being the Party of "Progress"...

What we're dealing with here, after all, is truly groundbreaking...

1. Biden gives the democrat party a great shot of putting up perhaps the most dimwitted presidential candidate in American history not named W, not to mention the most dementia-drenched dupe not named Reagan. Moreover:

2. The democrat party would also be fielding (I gotta think) the most ancient field of presidential candidates in American history, with Biden's entry boosting the average age of the front-running democrat party candidates (including Hilary the Hoary and and Bernie B. Old) to a hip, cool, smooth old age of 72 on Election Day -- no small feat given that no one in American history has ever been elected president for the first time in his 70s.

Now if all this shit ain't exactly your "Progress!" cup of tea, you still sure as hell can't claim it's not, at the very least, astoundingly historical.

We'd then only need Elizabeth Warren as the VP selection to round out this exciting piece of history, as the first American Indian ever to run on a major party ticket.  And to think Chief Left Fist would only be 67 -- a welcome younger face to compliment whichever one of these old pasty-white graybeards that ends up topping the democrat party ticket!

Friday, August 21, 2015

How's About THESE Anchor Babies?!?

If that's politically incorrect, scoop me up a big bowl a' wrong over here.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Say Hey, Hilary: As Her Campaign Continues to Founder, It Strikes Me that Today's democrat party Is Just Like a Baseball Team in the 19th Inning...

...As in:  N-O  B-E-N-C-H.

And we're well past the trading deadline.

But never fear, democrat party: Maybe in 2020 or 2024, you'll actually be able to conjure up a few breathing presidential candidates not yet in their 70s.

Isn't it amazing how a few midterm elections can so deplete a party's younger bench when said party runs around for 8 years foisting leftist 20 percenter policies down our throats and governing against the majority will of the people?

Maybe Obama can just try to ban those damn pesky midterms via executive order? Something needs to be done. The so-called party of "the young and the hip," after all, should never be made to look so damn old.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Had No Idea Lefty Day Falls This Week! And I Don't Need USA Today's Advice on "What to Buy for the Special Lefty in Your Life"...

To know any of these people is to know just the sort of things they'd love to receive on their anointed day.  Here are some of my best gift suggestions:

- A seaworthy fog horn to drown out anyone who dares to say that all lives matter.

- A giant scrap yard magnet good for wipin' the ol' server clean, since the only bad email is a non-spoliated one.

- A year's supply of Botox treatments, aimed at helping people in their late 60s and 70s from looking quite so ancient to the millennials.

- A Bombardier Learjet, necessary for traveling to that next world climate change conference.

- A smokeless, odorless barbeque grill that snaps its top down on your paws if you try to cook anything other than seaweed and vegetables on it.

- A 1000-buck check to charity in the lefty's name, so they can say they gave something for once.

- A bag full a' Planned Parenthood schwag, complete with an infant-sized Mr. Potato Head.

- The quintessential American flag bathroom accessory kit, complete with Old Glory toilet tissue and bowl scrubbers.

- An adaptation of traditional circus clown attire -- a fake boutonniere that sprays liquid in the face of anyone uttering something politically incorrect. And if you really wanna make your lefty's day:

- A personally autographed Obama executive order -- the gift that just keeps on givin', all of the next 18 months long.

Friday, August 7, 2015

First gop-er Debate Aftermath: Who's UP, DOWN, or (& Get Ready for a Lotta) NEITHER as a Result of HIS (see not HER) Debate Performance...

- Donald Trump:  Neither. He was typical Trump -- no more, no less. (His Rosie O'Donnell line had me rolling, for the record).

- "Jeb" Bush:  Up.  I'm no fan at all of "Jeb" or the Bush dynasty, but I was surprised that he was as good on his feet as he was. At least in that respect, he definitely ain't his idiot brother!

- Scott Walker: Neither. Workmanlike performance. (Great Hilary email line, however).

- Marco Rubio:  Up -- if mainly based on his improvement over past performance.  He's come a bit of a ways since his Drink-of-Water Speech and was very solid, if not spectacular, in this debate. BTW, is there such a thing as ear-reduction surgery, Mr. Spock?

- Rand Paul:  Down.  Only a fool would get in the face of both Trump and Chris Christie in the same debate (and I even agree with Paul on the NSA issue). (And for Sagan's Sake, Paul, do something about that hair!)

- Ted Cruz:  Neither.  See my Trump and Walker comments.  Still Unelectable.

- John Kasich:  Up.  I rarely say anything like this, but he actually MAY be one gop-er for whom I could vote in 2016.  Seems to me to have the best overall message of any of these candidates. (These sentiments are academic and moot, of course, since Kasich AIN'T gettin' the nomination).

- Mike Huckabee:  Down. He's the biggest also-ran amongst these 10 candidates, and I'd like to see him replaced in the debate next time around with Carly Fiorina.  Huckabee's a decent talker, but alas, it ain't 2008 no more, governor.  All we are saying, is give Broad a chance.

- Ben Carson:  Almost Down, But a Rebound!  Ben ain't no politician, and I generally like him except for his devoted right-winger world view.  Carson is also easily the best looking man amongst these 10 candidates (although perhaps that ain't sayin' much).  But he seemed very stiff in the first half of the debate and much like, frankly, a non-politician. Loosened up a fair amount in the second hour, however, to garner a "Neither" from me. Nice comeback.

- Chris Christie:  Neither.  Christie failed to seize on his best opportunity to run, in 2012, and now I put him in a similar also-ran, been there/done that category as Huckabee.  See also my Trump comments.

Monday, August 3, 2015

New Poll Eviscerates Obama's Third Term Boast: You Don't Represent Independents, Mr. President. Matter of Fact, You Don't Represent Much of Anyone...

Following Obama's recent brag in Africa that he could win a third term if only the damn pesky Constitution would allow him to run, new polling data (link below) shows that a resounding 63% of likely American voters say they would outright reject a third term for His Majesty. Ouch.

Beneath that figure are 68% of Independents who say, "no thanks, jackass," to the third term notion.  Hell, even 43% of people who call themselves members of the democrat party can't say they would vote for Obama for a third term. Beatdown.

But none of these numbers is surprising. Obama's favorability ratings have remained consistently in the 40s during his second term. Moreover, Obama has never represented even the democrat party as a whole, rather catering to and representing only the leftist 20 percenter base of said rotten party (people who call themselves by the L-word and P-word, for those of you joining us from Webb City, Missourah). You reap what you sow, leftist.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Bombshell: Links gop-er party to Cecil the Lion's Murder, Reporting that the Murdering Dentist Contributed to the 2012 Presidential Campaign of gop-er Mitt Romney!

I don't exactly find it shocking that the gop-er party is responsible for the death of a beloved, venerable old lion (what bad thing occurs inside or outside the U.S. that gop-ers are not responsible for?). However, I do think that the and other media outlets are not following through on this angle nearly far enough and, in the process, are largely giving the gop-ers a free pass on Cecil.  To wit:

- Mitt Romney, in and of himself, is only gonna provide so much traction for the cause, since he's not running for president this time around.  We need some further linkage, some additional guilt by vague association, using Romney as our very convenient connector...

- For example, gop-er frontrunner Donald Trump has previously had sit-down meetings with Romney. That's very clear linkage to the Murdering Dentist, Walter James Palmer (Palmer to Romney to Trump, like an old classic MLB double play combination or something).  Why is no one yet calling Trump a lion killer?

- gop-er fat man Chris Christie is basically from the same state as Romney (do most stupid Americans even differentiate between New Jersey and Massachusetts?).  So why is that fat fuck not getting any blame for Cecil?

- gop-er's token black man candidate, Ben Carson, once sneezed on a Fox News program, in the process making a sound that I could've sworn sounded like he was saying, "Romney." How come that Uncle Tom ain't being taken behind the woodshed over Cecil?

- "Jeb" Bush has frequently been compared to Romney by the gop-ers' right-winger base, which views the Jebber as being little different from the mealy-mouthed, stand-for-nothing, establishment fat-cat Romney. So yet again, we have a gop-er candidate directly connected to Cecil's killing.

- Additional gop-er candidate Scott Walker has been excoriated for his war on unions in his native Wisconsin, while Romney once entered into a marital union with an elitist, white, horse-riding equestrian bitch named Ann.  That's right: Scott Walker, lion killer.

Need I go any farther? We have this wonderful Kevin Bacon-like Romney connector to a high-profile killing, but a media lacking the imagination to take this story as far as it needs to go for the cause. They sure as shit ain't populatin' them journalism schools like they used to!

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

"Freeburg [Illinois] Midgets to Keep Controversial Name" for High School Mascot. And That's Not All from the P-C Police Blotter...

In related news, the Springfield Stewardesses have similarly announced no name change for them either. But they have conceded to opponents that they will no longer speak Jive during medical emergencies.

Elsewhere, the Toledo Terrorists say they'll consider a name change, but only if the media produces credible evidence of their motive.

Meantime the King County Kraut-Micks have also attached conditions to any future name change, stating (and I quote):  "We ain't doin' shit while you still gots the Notre Dame Fightin' Irish."  Has anyone ever considered cutting off the booze to these bastards?

Lastly, the Bingham Big Tits have agreed to an accommodation with their critics. The boobs will undergo reduction before Week 1, and the team will replace their traditional V-neck uniforms with big frumpy pantsuits inspired by the Hilary campaign.

And until next time, that's all the P-C news that's correct for me to print.

Friday, July 24, 2015

"The Glamour Model Whose T-Shirt Was Too Rude for the pope": Bosomy Argentine Broad Gets Excommunicated From Audience with Francis!

The popey's security guards reportedly whisked away 29-year-old Victoria Xipolitakis because she committed the cardinal sin of getting in line to see Franny whilst wearing a T-shirt with no bra (pic above and link below).  Gee, can't have that, now can we?

I'll say it again: What a PRUDE, this pope! And that's not even the half of it: When he's not trying to impose his right-wing social standards on how we dress and how we act on the Net, this Old Grouch is beatin' us about the head, breast, and ass with a bunch of his boring leftist platitudes on capitalism and climate. I'm asleep over here!

I've got a little suggestion for this surly old curmudgeon: Hows about spending a little more time talking about, ya know, religious shit, and swallowing a big S-T-F-U communion wafer when it comes to just about anything else??  Don't be a poopy pontiff, you crusty old bastard, ya.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

"Don Voyage"? Hardly. Here's Why Trump Isn't Going Anywhere Despite His "You Ain't No War Hero" Blast at Tired Old Man McCain...

The pronouncements were many this past weekend declaring an end, a death, to the presidential candidacy of Donald Trump after his verbal back-and-forth with the Tired Old Man actually got to the point of questioning T-O-M's "war hero" credentials.  But so far, Trump hasn't lost an ounce of traction, and I don't think he will, leastways not as a result of this latest rant. Here's why:

Guess where Trump's pulling all of his support in the gop-er primary race?  It sure as hell ain't from the stuffy old "establishment" types. Rather it's from the devout right-wingers -- a big swath of the so-called tea partiers of years past.

And guess who is one of the least favorite people on the planet to said right-wingers?  That would be one Tired Old Man himself, John McCain, whom the right-wingers see as a classic not-down-for-the-cause establishment "Rino."  Trump could accuse McCain of single handedly losing the Vietnam War, and a ton of the right-wingers would not care, but instead would applaud to the rafters. Trump, as a result, still remains as a high-polling part (and front-running fart) of the gop-er mix.

Another factor not to dismiss lightly is that the normal rules of political campaigns and candidates don't much apply to Trump.  Unlike any other character in the 2016 presidential race on either side (sorry, Hilary the Hoary), Trump is a pop culture fixture, a household name nationwide, and people listen to any level of psychotic babble that comes out his mouth, just like they do so many Kim Kardashians and Bruce Jenners. (It must drive the left-slanted "mainstream" media crazy that they can't just bury Trump in a quick pile of shit like they do most garden-variety deranged right-winger candidates who speak out of the P-C-turn (where's Sarah Palin when the mainstream media really needs her?!?)).

Meantime, in the midst of all this complete madness, I get the pleasure of continuing to be highly entertained by the circus that is Trump (not to mention all the political and media fools who follow his every antic like neutered sheep). As I recall noting more than once in this space in 2011-12, I don't think I could ever vote for this crazy man (even if he turns Independent), but he gives me a good laugh at least once every day, for better or for worse. Apart from myself, there's no other person on the planet to whom I could give such a high compliment.

Friday, July 17, 2015

We Gots a Howler: "Loud Sex Noises Land Woman in Jail"! But Why Ain't Her Old Man in the Can for Not Muzzling Her?!?

It appears that they take the whole "disturbing the peace" notion very seriously in Britain, where the pictured Gemma Wale (yes, that's her real last name) has been sentenced to two weeks in the hoosegow for "screaming and shouting whilst having sex" at a "level of noise" which "annoyed" a neighbor.

Leaving aside the issue of how much of a grouchy, lifeless curmudgeon you'd have to be to bother cops over a blustering broad who likes to moan and groan to the tune of the ol' power drill, why doesn't the boyfriend also have some criminal culpability here?

If you have a canine that yaps all night, it's incumbent upon you to muzzle the mutt or cage it indoors. It's called being a responsible pet owner. But here, by all accounts, Wailing Gemma was runnin' loose around the joint without so much as even one of those little red balls in her snout.

Now while I guess I can understand this shrieking shag-master being locked in the pound a while to cool off, her male owner should get a little lockup time too. Equal justice, equal treatment. That's the only non-chauvinistic outcome here.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

democrat party Has Moved "Far to the Left," "That's Not My democrat[] party," Laments Its Newest Presidential Candidate, Jim Webb, As He Exhibits a Firm Grasp of the Obvious...

I have no sympathy for Webb. He complains how his democrat party has moved way to the left, but yet he's still a member of said leftist party. If he turned Independent (legitimately Independent, not fake Independent like Bernie Sanders and Kansas' Greg Orman), he might garner a positive word or two from me...

But let's get to his statements above. He states obvious truths, but truths nonetheless. The modern extreme incarnation of the democrat party bears no resemblance whatsoever to the "Democratic Party" that I grew up with in the 70s, 80s, or even 90s. John F. Kennedy would be primaried in today's democrat party.

It's the party of leftist goofs, goons, loons, louts, and nuts.  It has no place for either centrists or people of good will.  Its leftist base consists of only 20-25% of the American people (hence my phrase, leftist 20 percenters).  Yet the party wields such incredible power. It equally frightens and disgusts me at the same time.

It's for these reasons that I'm confident that I will never vote for another member of the democrat party ever again in my lifetime. Not that I'll be voting for too many gop-ers -- the party split between (1) do-nothing establishment fat cats and (2) right-wing freaks.

On a positive note, however, I shall now await with bated breath the next stop-the-press pronouncements we receive from this Webb character. Maybe after he informs us that the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, he can enlighten us on how Hilary and Bernie Sanders are, like, really really really old. Or that Donald Trump's crazy and Chris Christie fat. Hell, at least he'll be spouting a lot more truth than any of these other candidates.

Friday, July 10, 2015

My, Aren't We Presumptuous! Entitled Hilary Reportedly to Give Certain Bedroom at the White House to Her "Gatekeeper," Huma's Weiner...

My God do these people think they are inevitable!  Link below to a story about the Hilary minions already talking about which Hilary flunkies will inhabit the White House with the Hoary One -- even apparently down to the details of which bedrooms said lapdogs will be "installed" in...

The above-pictured Huma's Weiner, for example, will reportedly be getting a quaint second-story bedroom once occupied by a "journalist" lackey to Eleanor Roosevelt.  Ooh, the Goose Pimples running up and down my right tit at the thought!

But that aside, I'm assuming this means that notorious democrat party dick Anthony's Weiner also now has an inside opening to penetrate the White House, since Huma's Weiner is his old lady.  Anthony's Weiner (who should now be the Mayor of the Big Apple if not for his incessant Twitter dong scandals) could certainly use such an arousal of his/its diminished visibility.

Which may lead me to open up a prediction pool for how long Anthony's Weiner can last before he has to pull out of the White House following another late-night social media dong blast to the ladies. I'm gonna give that little prick about one weekend, myself.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

A Real P-C Pickle: New Ozone Smoke Emission Regulations from Obama's EPA Threaten My Ability to Burn Bad Stuff...

Under the new proposed regulations, harmful backyard activities such as firing up the ol' grill, blowing fireworks, and burning household rubbish may reportedly run afoul of the law and force municipalities to enact bans on these sorts of sordid outdoor shenanigans (link below).

But here's the problem:  How in the hell am I supposed to hold a good confederate or American flag burning out back if I'm just gonna get my ass fined in the process?

What if I want to set a match to those old Dukes of Hazzard DVDs to demonstrate that I'm all on-board with the program?  Can't even do that.

And forget about catering a gay wedding on my property. I won't be able to heat up so much as a single bratwurst for the reception to follow. What, am I supposed to haul in a bunch of Burger King from down the street?

Sigh. These 20 percenters really do need to communicate a little better amongst themselves before they ordain these various edicts upon us. Much of the time, it seems like the left fist doesn't have a freakin' clue what the left cheek is doing. How's a good little follower to comply?

Friday, July 3, 2015

Kate Update: Great Rack!

Who says 40-something, high maintenance, mostly forgotten old has-been broads can't still bring a thing (or two, as the case may be) to the table??  Very nice.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

New Study: Right-Wingers Better at Dieting, Exerting Self-Control, than Leftists...

No word yet, however, how the study may have been impacted by its apparent exemption from consideration of the 2016 gop-er presidential field.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

"You're in MY House," Rants Obama to White House Protester, Underscoring at the Same Time a Key Difference Between Him and W Bush...

If W Bush was to utter such an asinine statement, it would be because he's too imbecilic to know any better (i.e., he'd actually believe that he had an ownership interest in the White House during his years in office).

Obama, in contrast, makes that statement simply because he's an arrogant, unpresidential jackass. It's not your house, Obama, you leftist lout, as you know full well. It belongs to the United States and, therefore, the American people -- ya know, that large, diverse group of souls of whom you represent about 20%?