Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Worm Limits: "Disgusting Critters Invade the U.S. Senate"...

But I really don't see what the "news" is here.  Last time I checked, Harry Reid, Ted Cruz, John McCain and Bernie Sanders have all been in the Senate for years.

And those are just the worms and bed bugs.  Don't even get me started on the cockroaches, lice, vermin, and slugs.


Friday, July 25, 2014

Hold On, We Ain't Finished! "Couple Has Sex on Top of Chipotle Restaurant in Delaware," But Allegedly Keeps Goin' At It Even After Cops Tell Them To Stop!

Cops say the unsightly shenanigans of 27-year-old Nicole Germack and 39-year-old Michael Suh were quite visible from the street, but the two just didn't want to cease and desist. The responding cop says he told these two enchilada exhibitionists to stop, but they "continued for approximately 15-20 seconds" before finally wrapping things up. (These cops outta know you never put the kibosh on a grown man in mid-bone!)

BTW, the linked story goes out of its way to report, up front, that the restaurant below was, in fact, still open for business when Mikey decided to slip Nicky the ol' beefy gordita up above (allegedly). Oh the Humanity! I guess banging some broad on a public rooftop is more excusable when it doesn't interfere with soccer mom's barbecoa bowl downstairs?

For their messy efforts, Nicky and Mickey (after he finished) got tossed in the hoosegow, where they're facing more heat than the Chipotle hot sauce trough, including charges of resisting arrest, indecent exposure, lewdness, conspiracy, and loitering (since I assume they failed to make a purchase in the restaurant before headin' up to the roof).

Mehopes they've just learned their lesson. If you can't wait until after supper, at least head to the partial privacy of the shithouse next time. And for holy moley guacamole's sake, close the damn stall door.


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Will She or Won't She? leftist "Rock Star" & Sexagenarian Native American Elizabeth Warren Needs to Run for President in 2016 Before Her Final Window Closes. But Will leftists Ramp Up Pressure on Her to Actually Run?

No president has ever assumed office past the age of 69 in American history. Leftist hero and current democrat party Massachussetts senator Elizabeth Warren will be 67 in 2016 and a healthy 71 years young four years later in 2020. Not to mention how very hard it would be for her to defeat a sitting president in either a primary or general election in 2020. Translation: Run now, Chief Left Fist, or forever hold your peace pipe.

For her part, Warren has sent very mixed messages on the issue, from claims of no intention to run in 2016 to her current high profile on the campaign trail helping out 2014 democrat party midterm candidates while her Chief (no pun intended) 2016 democrat party rival, Hilary Clinton, sits out 2014 on the sidelines.

That Warren might well be willing to take on Hilary in the 2016 primary, coupled with her very quickly closing window to run for president and her obvious current "Rock Star" status amongst leftist 20 percenters, would seem to suggest to me that leftists everywhere best be putting on the full-court leftist press (and I mean starting yesterday) for this ill-tempered, fist-shaking, private sector-hating, Oklahoma Indian leftist broad to run for commander in Chief.

And what ain't to like about her? A more pure, devout and angry leftist one will never find -- even more so than Obama himself and much more so than the mealy-mouthed, stand-not-for-much-of-anything Hilary. Hell, it was Warren who invented the famous "you didn't build that [business of yours]" talking point that Obama stole from her in 2012!  Even the hot-tempered Howard Dean couldn't carry Liz's Jock!

Plus Warren would be the first woman president. AND the first Indian president. (Warren, who claims to be something like 1/64 Cherokee, once had her herself listed as a "minority" professor at Harvard based on claims of "family folklore" (and nothing else) supporting that same tall tale of tears).

Hey, I'm all too happy to get behind a Warren presidential run. Seeing Warren and the democrat party leftist base going to war with Hilary and the rest of Hilary's old-guard democrat party establishment allies on the campaign trail would, indeed, be the highest form of entertainment! (I mean, just look at all the fun we Independents have watching the right-winger tea partiers duking it out at every turn with the establishment gop-ers!)

So you go for it, old girl!  You Can Do It, Lefty Liz! 2016 is shaping up to be a pretty damn boring presidential year otherwise. And all boredom and no entertainment makes Rager a very dull boy.


Friday, July 18, 2014

The Beginning of the End of Days? Yesterday Brings an Awful Air Disaster with Potentially Huge International Implications, an Israeli Invasion of Gaza, & Other Assorted Chaos...

A browse through yesterday's headlines could be viewed by me, by you, or by Gwen Stefani as altogether mighty frightening:

- "Passenger jet show down over Ukraine ... 298 dead ... 23 Americans killed ... Ukraine says 'will present evidence of Russian military involvement.'" (Added bonus: Before scurrying off to multiple fundraisers Thursday night, "Obama gives crash 40 seconds before telling jokes" and "blaming [gop-ers] for slow-walking transportation spending." How shocking!)

- "Israel launches Gaza ground invasion" against Palestinians.

- "Wall Street bubble paranoia setting in," market off 161 points.

- "Autumn-like chill to expand from Midwest to South, East."

- "Cold temps break 128-year record in Mobile, Alabama."

- "Town blasts music to drive out gypsies."

- "Hundreds of dead pigeons fall from sky in Houston."

- "San Diego strippers sue police over naked pictures during 'inspections.'"

- "USGS: Risk of earthquake increades for half of USA."

Good Grief!  So this is it, the Apocalypse? Asked the Imagine Dragons. The end times?  Variously referred to as the Rapture or Armageddon?

ANSWER:  Nope.  Sorry.  Hold off for now on hoarding away them ramen noodle and beans pallets down to the Sam's Club.  The world ain't coming to an end just yet, me predicts.

Not to mention, all of these headlines come from heavily trafficked news aggregator website Drudge Report, where right-winger headline writer Matt Drudge tends to make every day seem like the damn sky's 'a fallin'!

BTW, what's wrong with snapping a few stripper pics or having some gypsies hanging around town?

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Lowest Common Denominator: Obama Tweets at the Reading Level of a 7th Grader, Says Published Analysis of Celebrity Tweet Sophistication. What a Surprise!

...This from an analysis last week from Time Magazine (not exactly a bastion of right-winger propaganda). And it goes to a point I've made many times in this space: Obama's words (in speeches or otherwise) are always aimed at the lowest common denominator -- the vast swaths of Americans who are uninformed and ignorant (note: I did not say stupid) when it comes to just about anything political.

If Obama ever endeavored to say anything particularly intelligent, thoughtful or inspiring to me (see, e.g., film/audio from old JFK speeches sometime), then I would listen. But as it stands, he's talked to me like I'm a moron for six long years now. I stopped even trying to listen a long time ago. Life's Too Short, Would You Agree?

And if Obama's recent dismal polling is any indication, most Americans have finally come to the same conclusion, do agree, and are tuning out this individual at every turn. This (the middle of Obama's second term) coincides almost exactly to the point in time when Americans also starting completely tuning out that moron W Bush. Rotten, not-so-bright presidents certainly make wonderful bedfellows, do they not?


Friday, July 11, 2014

Lame Excuse: Hilary Defends the Clinton Dynasty & the "Inevitability" of Her Presidency, Proclaiming That "We Had the Two Roosevelts!" Uh, Weren't FDR & Teddy Barely Even Related?!?

When I heard this statement from Hilary this week, my reaction was, "You gotta be freakin' kidding me over here!"  Teddy and Franklin Roosevelt were only distantly related! To the tune of something like fifth cousins many times removed...

Shit, I've read that two other presidents (Martin Van Buren and Zachary Taylor) were more closely related to Teddy than FDR was! Hell, even FDR's old lady Eleanor (Teddy's niece) was (MUCH) more closely related to Teddy than FDR was! (Which is some weird Allah-damn shit in itself, but I digress).

But if that kind of drivel is going to pass for Hilary's defense of the virtues of tired old political dynasties, then methinks we're in for some real lame-ass horseshit from this broad over the next two years for why no one not named Clinton, Bush or Obama should ever be president again (Lord Help Us All). Maybe Hilary can use these ones next:

- "We had the two Andrews." (That would be Andrew Jackson and Andrew Johnson. No relation).

- "And don't forget the two James'."  (Madison and Monroe were certainly historical presidents, even if not related).

- "We had the two middle initial 'A' guys."  (None other than James Garfield and Chester Arthur).

- "We had the two unkempt beard dudes."  (Rutherford B. Hayes and Benjamin Harrison really could've used different groomers during their time in the Oval Office).

- "We had the Kennedies."  (Hey, Teddy Kennedy's presidency was also inevitable until that damn pesky bridge accident and then when he couldn't remember why he wanted to be president on 60 Minutes in 1980).

- "We had the two Gay Presidents."  (That would be James Buchanan and, according to Joan Rivers, Barack Obama).

- "Not to mention the two Black Presidents." (The aforementioned Barack, of course, plus Hilary's old man, Bill).

- "We had the two Idiot Vice Presidents."  (Never thought we'd ever have one as dumb as Dan Quayle again until Joe Biden stumbled head-first on to the scene).

- "We had the two Dicks."  (In reference, of course, to Tricky Dick Nixon and the de facto 43rd president of the United States, Dick Cheney).

So can we please just put all this "political dynasty" talk to rest once and for all?  What difference, at this point, does it make???


Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Smart-Asses: "Match.com & Mensa Create Dating Site for People With High IQs." But How's a Boutsa Hook-Up Site For All Us Dumbskies?

I'm talkin' about a dating site specially devoted to all of the idiots out there, like those of us here in here in flyover territory, who obviously ain't so bright. We're people too, ya know, even if we don't happen to be exactly what ya might call flaming wits or regular rocket scientists. We need a MatchesForMorons.com. And we needed it yesterday, damn you.

And because I'm predicting that we'll see such a site crop up before too long, I'm already toiling away on a personal profile for this new site for nimrods. Here's what I gots so far:

"White Nitwit Neanderthal Seeks Hot Little Number with the Charisma of a Cartoonish Charicature And Who Ain't the Sharpest Knife in the Ol' Drawer. Broads with IQs over 60 OR bra sizes under Double D Need NOT Apply. Bubble-headed Bazonga Babes Welcome. Shoot Me a Line, Go Head Shoot, If You Be a Desirous Dummy Dish."

What well-endowed embecile could possibly resist a charmer like Rager after reading my online ad? No one. That's who.

So I'm beggin' ya Match.com and National Council on Disabilities -- throw us simple-minded retards a damn bone over here! Us dim-bulbed dolts needs alls the helps we can gets.


Thursday, July 3, 2014

He Cheated on THESE? For THAT? British Glamour Doll Katie "Jordan" Price & Her Curvaceous Charleys Make Colorful First Public Appearance After Reports That Her Old Man Allegedly Banged Her Best Friend...

What was this fool thinkin'?!?  Let's see here: This guy Kieran Hayler could be with the comely chesticles of wife Katie Price, but instead he chooses the homely vestiges of her former best friend of 20 years, Jane Pountney (pictured immediately above)?? Who is this guy, Wilt Chamberlain tryin' to fill out his daily quota?  Oh Nelly.

Meantime, after keeping a low profile lately following the recent infidelity revelations and a coinciding trip to Splitsville, Katie is back recently with a couple of big bosomy bangs and a full rainbow of fleshy flavor at a promotional event for hair dye removal stuff "ColourB4" (top 3 pics above in all their Gazonga Glory).

No word yet whether Hayler (a male stripper) will now settle into domestic bliss with the not-so-hot homewrecker Jane, whom Hayler just apparently could not seem to pass up for a roll in the hay. But who knows...

Maybe that homespun hussy Jane polishes Hayler's stripper pole like no other? I mean, there's gotta be something more here than meets the ol' one-eye??


Friday, June 27, 2014

Racist Lush? New Book Recounts Dinner Last Year Where Hillary Reportedly Unleashed "Booze-Fueled Rant" at President Obama, Hurling F-Bombs His Way & Calling Him a "JOKE"!

Goodness Gracious! Of all things I might accuse Hillary Clinton of being, the terms racist and lush never would've come to mind before now. But to what other conclusion can a reasonable mind come after reading these items from the new book, "Blood Feud: The Clintons vs. The Obamas," by former Newsweek editor and presidential book author Edward Klein (links at bottom):

- At the college reunion dinner with friends last May, the 66-year-old Hillary reportedly got all liquored up on wine and really started letting the F-bombs, assorted other expletives, and insults fly towards President Obama and his historic presidency.

- Hillary reportedly got things started with a bang by ranting that "the story of the Obama presidency" is that Obama has "no hand on the fuckin' tiller!" (That being the functional equivalent of saying that "Obama's presidency is a fuckin' rudderless ship!").  Not nice.

- Then after some belly-aching about how Obama "can't ever be bothered" with anything, Obama's heir apparent Hillary reportedly started to get personal, calling Obama a "joke" and an "incompetent."

- Hillary even questioned Obama's honesty, veracity, integrity and truthfulness, reportedly spouting that, "You can't trust the motherfucker! His word isn't worth shit!"

- As a final special added attraction and show stopper, Hillary reportedly compared Obama to lawless crook and disgraced former gop-er president Richard M. Nixon, lowering this boom: "The IRS targeting the tea party, the Justice Department's seizure of AP phone records and James Rosen's emails -- all these scandals. Obama's allowing his hatred for his enemies to screw him the way Nixon did."  Ouch.

Having now digested the entirety of that sad rant, let me ask you something, democrat party followers:  THIS is the person that you've ordained for several years now to be the chosen successor to the first Black President in history? REALLY?!?

Think about that for a second. This woman not only opposes Obama's decisions and policies, but also downright disdains the man on a completely personal level! How in the hell can she NOT be a racist?!? And don't even get me started on the boozin'!

And what about you, African-American voters everywhere? You really gonna vote for this racist old white battle axe lush? At the 98-99 percent clip that you voted for Obama? Anything with a "D" next to the name? If so, let me tell ya: You're better than that, folks. And not sayin' vote for the gop-ers, neither. Rather Go Independent. It really is the only way to be. But your choice.


Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Give Him 15 Yards For Trippin': "'Police Officer of the Year' Caught on Video Tripping Students As They Stormed Soccer Field." Good For Him!

He's Georgetown cop George Bermudez, and apparently a former "police officer of the year." And he oughta get the award again this year! That's him above trippin', pushin' and takin' down various teenage shits trying to storm the damn field after the game's over...

But instead of commendation, the Georgetown Police have stuck George's ass on leave. Good God! Got over-reaction over there!

I applaud Officer George. Student freaks who rush the field are trespassing and should all be tossed in the freakin' hoosegow as far as I'm concerned. Hell, they get off light when all they get is a little trip or a kick in the keyster.

I wouldn't be so charitable to these little goofs if they ever made me a cop (damn pesky background checks): For starters, I'd throw a few clotheslines right at the ol' windpipe, Ben Davidson style...

Then a couple 'a hand thrusts to the junk later, I'd pick up a couple of them shits and deliver 'em the tombstone piledriver -- right there on the 50 yard line!

And if I got so much as one word of lip from any of these little louts, I'm make 'em eat their freakin' shoe before they could set one foot outside the hashmarks.

Next day, they put me on leave and I gets to sleep in every day for a month. Now that shit would be cool. Put me in, coach.


Thursday, June 19, 2014

Non-Cooperative: NBC News' White House Bloviator Chuck Todd Actually Declares Obama Presidency "Over" in the Eyes of the Public Based on Recent Dismal Poll Numbers. Man, Chuck Could Sure Use Some Straightenin' Out!

Doesn't this Todd guy know you can't just go around talking like that?  Who the fuck does this guy think he is, anyway?  I say give his sorry beltway reporter ass the complete Nixonian treatment, Mr. President.  Just like you're best at!

First, get the IRS all up in this dude's shit, Mr. President, since he's obviously a racist and likely a closet tea partier. He deserves it!  Just be sure to Deep Six into oblivion any and all emails discussing the need for the harassment (errr, attitude adjustment).

Next, Mr. President, get Holder and Justice, or the NSA or CIA, or whomever the fuck may be required, to get up and runnin' on this asshole's phones, computers, mobile devices, texts, email accounts, etc., etc. The whole nine yards.  The full-on Sharyl Attkisson playbook and then some, Your Majesty. Remember: You can't make a bull into a steer without breaking a few laws.

And just for good measure, Mr. President, crank up your social media minions to put this enemy in his place. Methinks there's nary a disagreeable opinion out there that can't be squelched out with a few well-chosen boycott campaigns, calls for firing, and/or hashtag movements. Sky's the limit, baby!

So Let's Move on this, Mr. President!  Allowing critical or dissenting viewpoints like Todd's to go undeterred and unpunished simply cannot be tolerated in any civil leftist society. You know that! So that's my pep talk. Now get to work on it, ya silly 20 percenter bastard, ya!


Monday, June 16, 2014

That's One Bigoted Bird: "Racist Swan Accused of Attacking Ethnic Minorities"...

The swan (and obvious Obama opponent) lives at England's exclusive Warwick University, and it's apparently the most intelligent feathered animal to land on the planet since Big Bird -- capable in its little bird brain of fully formed beliefs of racial superiority over humans of certain colors or nationalities...

The linked story (and no, it's not from The Onion) reports that Warwick students have "revealed that the swan only appears to target students from ethnic minorities."  Say Indian and Italian students at the University:

- "It's bizarre, she doesn't seem to like foreigners and attacks them."

- "She's a true right-winger that's for sure -- they certainly seem to be racially motivated incidents."

- "My friend was on the bridge and he was eating and the swan just randomly started biting off his jeans."

And apparently this "white wing supremacist" has some bigoted buddies flapping around there as well:

- "I'm from India, and they [the swans] attack me especially, they focus straight on me."

- "These swans are very annoying, and the students feel as though they're being bullied."

- "I think they don't like too many Indians in England -- maybe swans here are a little bit racist."

- "We were warned that the swans will be a bit feisty this time of year, but they go for me all year round."

No word yet whether this web-footed grand wizard and her Nazi feathered friends have any known affiliations or connection to the American tea party or the gop-ers. Maybe MSNBC or CBS can get on that one?


Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Shot Heard 'Round the World: In an Historic Victory for Political Gridlock in DC, Virginia gop-er Primary Voters Kick gop-er House Majority Leader Eric Cantor's Ass to the Curb in Favor of Unknown Stammering Political Lightweight Dave Brat!

This big fat Brat had no money against the Cantor machine, but still won, signaling a complete grassroots revolt against beltway insider Cantor -- the like of which Attila the Hun could've seized upon to whip Cantor's ass in this primary.  At the heart of all this was the highly contentious political buzz phrase known as "amnesty."

But I won't bore the audience here with all the political particulars about that which I'm speaking.  Suffice it to say that democrat party leftists everywhere know exactly what the hell I'm talking about!  Looks like we won't have to be returning to the dark days of 2009 and early 2010 quite so fast, right leftists?!?  (Sing it with me:  "Gridlock, Sweet Gridlock, the Alternative to You is Hemlock!...").

Which to me is the funniest thing about last night's "political upset for the ages" in Virginia (a House Majority Leader losing in a primary has apparently never occurred before in American history):  One right-winger gop-er vanquishes another right-winger gop-er in a state primary, and it's the leftist democrat party minions this day who are the most upset and worried about it!  S-p-e-c-i-a-l!

So Ha Ha, leftist 20 percenters!  Eat your kooky little leftist hearts out!  And as this post demonstrates, you don't only have the right-wingers against you these days, you creeps. But allow me now to break back into song -- "Gridlock, Sweet Gridlock...!!!"!...


Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Old Laid: 31-Year-old "Extreme Boy Toy Takes 91-Year-Old Girlfriend Home to Meet His Mom (Who's 41 Years Younger Than Her)" -- Says the Sex Is Great!

Ya know, it's one thing for a dude to refer to his broad as the old lady. But when the dame is, in actuality, pushing 100 years old, then maybe that's taking things just a bit too far down the road of literal translation?

But not so, says the young Kyle Jones of Augusta, Georgia, of his budding January-December romance:  "Everyone's brain is wired differently, some guys prefer blondes, some brunettes, some like other guys -- I like old ladies." And that's certainly one way of putting it...

Jones and his 91-year-old geezer girl, Marjorie McCool (couple pictured above), reportedly "have an active sex life and can't keep their hands off each other." Or is that just her arthritis and gout kicking in?

Regardless, this old ball-and-chain Marjorie can't reasonably expect to keep her 60-years-younger play thing all to herself, now can she? A milky millennial treasure like Jones should be shared with all the ossified old battle axes out there still capable of moving their legs, no?

Jones takes that very sentiment to heart, saying he is "currently dating five women over age 60, including Marjorie" -- for whom he's made a bit of an Dutch oven exception: "Most of the time, the average age I go for is between 60 and 80," he says.

And his 91-year-old grizzled girlfriend gots no problem with Jones' extra-curriculars with her fellow enfeebled: "In the beginning I got jealous of his other women but he keeps coming back to me and tells me I'm the best," says the moth-eaten Marjorie.

And what's not to like about this decayed old fossil? Especially with bedroom anecdotes like this one straight from the old plug's mouth: "I wear sexy outfits to bed, [but] I try to keep my bra on though because I don't have much left." Which begs the question: What's the going rate on an old bat boob job?


Friday, June 6, 2014

Rack Attack: "Topless Women Take to the Streets of New York City to Protest Internet Censorship" As Part of the "Free the Nipple" Movement!

They're forced to keep their cans covered up most of the time, and they're mad as hell about it!!! This week bra-less broads from the burgeoning "Free the Nipple" movement hit the streets of the Big Apple to protest the current perceived "War on Boobs" (Allah-Damn gop-ers!), Internet restrictions on bare bazongas, and the fact that exposing honkers in public is still "illegal in 37 states."

Must say, I love the cause (which takes a cue from the recently topless Scout Willis of the Bruce and Demi Moore brood), and not just because I hate censorship. Let's just say they had me at bra removal. But I am given pause by what I surmise might be an unintended consequence of these dirty pillow protests. Because, see, here's the thing...

I want to see more of these hot little numbers sashaying around raw-top in public protests. And if these topless toots's get their way, guess what happens next? Correctamundo! No more tata marches. Which would be an Allah-Damn Shame!

So paining me as it might, I've little choice but to come out against these fun bag floozies: Here's to Internet chest puppy censorship! And keep them melon laws on the books, 37 states! Whup -- Time now to hit the bricks again with them bazooms, busty boob broads!


Sunday, June 1, 2014

Man Is a Loon: REM's Michael Stipe Shits On Legacy of RNR Hall of Famers Nirvana Saturday, Claims ONLY Things They Rebelled Against in 1990 Were Right-Wingers! REALLY? Stifle Stipe, Since You Were Clearly in a Coma That Year!...

I grew up in the very same time period.  Nirvana's guys were about a year or two older than me.  And I can't think of a rock band in history who officially RETIRED AN ENTIRE DECADE to obscurity other than Nirvana.  They burst on the scene, and basically said, No More 80's and All Your Bullshit Pop Culture -- Here We Are Now!

And that totally Rock'n'Roll attitude had little to do with "Iran Contra" and rebelling ONLY against gop-ers and right-wingers.  I LIVED that era as an 18-20-something, and I'd like to officially inform Michael Stipe -- who obviously was asleep and more infatuated with such influential material as blacking out his breasts (pic immediately above) during that same period -- of the following:

We were angry with EVERYTHING, Asshole (CHECK, e.g., the Awesome Group Called N.W.A.) -- everything authority -- including idiot leftists like you Stipe, and not merely your fellow idiot right-wingers. Most of the rage, like Nirvana, was distinctly non-political.  And fortunately, many of us STILL ARE VERY ANGRY with ALL OF YOU!

We have NO respect whatsoever for group-thinking leftists like Stipe or right-winger world views.  We say Go Fuck Yourselves, the whole Fuckin' Lot of Ya partisan ideologue morons, goofs, goons, loons, kooks, fools, ghouls, and louts!

So here I still am now.  Enter-Fuckin'-Tain Me! Or just bore and irritate the hell out of me like a talking-points-spouting, never-individual-thinking, garden-variety leftist like Stipe and basically every other leftist 20 percenter I've ever encountered (BIG YAWN!!!).  Finally, a Memo to the Kids:  Never Be One of Those Guys -- You're A LOT Better Than That, Kids!


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Why Couldn't She Have Signed It?!? CNN Anchor Carol Costello Recalls Fondly the Good Ol' Days When Michelle Obama "Signed the Hunger-Free Kids Act Into Law"...

Reportedly, only the elected president himself can technically schmecnilly sign bills into law, but isn't that just a short-sighted technicality?  To this one, telling Michelle she can't sign bills into law would be akin to telling Queen Elizabeth she has no authority to legally act simply because she's a woman...

Methinks Michelle's old man needs to sign an executive order making it perfectly clear that his wife has just as much power and right to sign things into law as he does.  Any other result is purely sexist and misogynist, smacking more of a gop-er led War on Women than anything resembling a contemporary constitutional mandate.  Just ask Carol Costello and her other fellow network news anchors everywhere.


Friday, May 23, 2014

Holy Juice Jugs: When Did It Become Newsworthy For Some Broad to Sashay Around in Public Holding a Bottle of Green Slime?!?

ANS: When Kelly Brook recently left her front door wearing that outfit, that's when.

The British actress and model was photographed strutting around the streets of L.A. after reportedly purchasing her fill of green slime at some joint called The Pressed Juicer (link below).

Now, we here at T.I.R. have known for quite some time that this luxuriant lassie has a great rack, and it's evident from her choice of get-ups that she's quite apprised of the situation too.

And ya know, there are ways of not sellin' the whole farm there, Kelly. But NO, some people just gots to flaunt it, don't they?!?  OK then! We get it! We know! We're aware! You've got big tits! Get over yourself, already, Vegetable Cans!

And while you're at it, keep them bottles a green slime the hell away from this one.  Rager Don't Pound Puree.


Friday, May 16, 2014

Ass Is Out: "Pervert Dads" Reportedly Have 17-Year-Old Broad with "Big Ass" Booted Right Outta Prom Night For Allegedly Shakin' That Ass Like a Salt Shaker in "Provocative" Attire!

She's 17-year-old high school senior Clare Hettinger of Richmond, Virginia, and that's her ass and pic above, from the Gawker website and a recent blog post by Clare.  She says a bunch of horny old dads at the senior prom absolutely ruined her prom night by causing her to get run from the joint simply for having too nice an ass!

These "pervert dads," apparently only too happy to stare at this underaged broad's ass, still reportedly complained that the ass was "arousing impure thoughts" in them because the ass wasn't adequately covered and the ass was shaking around in a most "provocative" fashion out there on the dance floor! So they promptly gave this muffin ass dame her walking papers right out the joint!

But False Accusations, says Miss Teen Ass! Clare claims her dress conformed to the school's "fingertip length" dress code rule, that other shorter broads had even shorter dresses (Clare is 5'7"), and that she wasn't even dancing for chrissakes!

Says this Bad Ass Offender:  "Goddamn I'm not responsible for some perverted 45 year old dad lusting after me because I have a sparkly dress on and a big ass for a teenager. And if you think I am, then maybe you're part of the problem!"

I've just three observations here:

- First, if these horny pervert dads were so damn enamored with this broad's ass, then why the hell were they complaining?  Shut the fuck up and enjoy the show, already, ya dirty old bastards!

- Second, if you must stare at a 17-year-old's ass, then keep your damn trap shut about it!  Case you hadn't a noticed, she's underaged, and that shit ain't cool.  At.  All.

- Finally, a little PSA:  Kids -- Never take the Lord's name in vain.


Monday, May 12, 2014

Ghost Busted: "Paranormal Activity" Actress Claims She Was Raped by a Spirit, But Thoroughly Enjoyed the Experience!

Says the above-pictured Natasha Black about the night she got banged by a specter:  "At first I was very confused then I decided to relax and it was really pleasurable, I really enjoyed it!"  This ghost groupie even claims the same ghost came back for seconds a month later! (Link below)

But if you think about it, this ain't all so far-fetched. In my own checkered past, I've been known to do a little ghost hunting and graveyard gravy-trainin' myself, and I've had my own bad experiences with the undead fucking around with me like they did with Natasha. A few instances that I can repeat:

- Around 1992, this one ghoul whipped out a big buggy whip and started lashing me over and over right across my ass. I decided to submit and just lie there and take it, even spouting, "Thank you, Casper, may I have another?" It wasn't a bad time, truth be told.

- In the mid-90s, another spirit took to beating me about my breasts, head and genitalia with an over-sized oven mitt filled with arcade tokens. I got two tokens stuck up my nose and couldn't ride my jackass, Frank, for over a month.

- After a particularly wild night out to the bars in the early 2000s, I woke up in the graveyard to the awful feeling of a rather large male hobgoblin trying to have sex with my left ear. He hadn't protected himself, so I pulled off and got the hell outta there. No Glove, No Love, dude.

- In the mid-2000s, a female dominatrix apparition showed up with a tub of lard and tried to goo the sticky stuff all over my bare body and ass while singing Danke Shane and beating me senseless with a riding crop. Tired of being victimized by these creepers, I grabbed a meat tenderizer and bashed that crazy S-and-M spirit right in her fuckin' order-barking piehole.

- Just in the past couple a years, a specter whom I swear was the ghost of Teddy Kennedy possessed my car with me in it, loaded up some broad in there, and tried to drive our asses right off the Broadway Bridge into the Missouri River. Luckily this car-jackin' demon was all liquored up at the time and passed out trying to negotiate the ride over the east guard rail. If only Mary Jo Kopechne or Natasha Black had been so lucky!


Friday, May 9, 2014

W-T-F?!? Model Cara Delevingne Refuses to Get Tongue Tied Around "BFF" & Bradley Cooper Girlfriend Suki Waterhouse!

Hey, if this hot little number Cara ever wants to lick my armpit in the shower or lap the side of my face like a freakin' dog, then I'm into it over here!

While I ain't into overly gabby broads, I also like ones whom I need not ever ask why the cat's got their tongue.

I would only ask that she put that thing away once I lay my head down to sack out.  Kids: Never lay a warm snake on a grown man while he's sleepin'.


Wednesday, May 7, 2014

"Obama Supporters: Not Liking Mexican Food Is Racist." But Does That Mean That LIKIN' Mexican Food Absolves One of All His Racism?

Look it.  I don't like Obama's policies.  I don't like him personally.  There's not a thing about that individual that I care too much for. To boot, he's one of the two worst presidents of my lifetime (pretty much tied with W Bush).  So this is my starting point:  I'm obviously a racist...

But then I see this recent item (link below) where Obama supporters are caught on video likening a disdain for Mexican food to good ol' fashioned racism.  Here's the thing:  I LOVE Mexican food! So what am I really?!?

Since I was a young strappin' lad of 20-something age, I've been taking my Kraut-Mick honkey ass down there to the Taco Bell and polishing off 4-5 bean burritos in a single sitting, and washing it all down with a Nachos Supreme. And not just that joint...

In my time, I've done 'em all, baby! I'm talkin' now-defunct (or nearly defunct) Mexican joint chains like Taco Tico, Taco Palace, El Sombre's, In A Tub, Taco Barrel-Ass, and Taco Gringo (as the jingle went in the stereotypical Mexican accent, "Have a Taco, Gringo!").

Does my love of everything taco sauce, nacho cheese, and Bell Burger (yes, I can recall when that was still on the TB menu) absolve and wash away all of my other obvious racism for being an Obama opponent?  What if I were to tell you that I really like Chinese food too? As well as, dare I say it, Pakistani?!?

So C'mon, what's my label, leftists?!? Sticking trite, hateful little labels on human beings is what you and right-wingers are best at, so what's mine? Part-time racist? A racist for certain purposes? A switch-racist? Bi-racist? Tranny racist?

See, I need to know who I am, damn it. I need to know my place in this world. And some high, unending leftist wisdom in this regard would be so appreciated...

Maybe I could start by seeking out and asking the people on the video (the linked video, mind you, not "THE Video" that caused Benghazi) and see what those people gots to say. I'll come in peace, totin' a big sack a burritos, chalupas and gorditas for one and all. And don't worry, I won't forget the Fire Sauce.


Friday, May 2, 2014

OH MY!!! Rihanna Outdoes Herself Yet Again, Bares Full Nips & Ass for French Magazine!

Last time I checked in here with Rihanna, she was smokin' some cigarettes and showin' some bare ass as she paddled about on a surfboard somewhere on the ocean. I thought those were some of the hottest shots I've seen of this hyper-hottie singer broad. At least until now...

That's her above on the cover of French magazine Lui, and Good Grief -- I Surrender! But apparently that cover shot, the above ass shot, and other topless and assless pics from the same shoot didn't go over so well with the right-winger-like prudes over at Instagram (links below)...

Instagram promptly yanked down the photos right after Rihanna posted them there!  The bastards even shut down her account for awhile after she posted the pics! Killjoys.

But thanks in advance to the folks at Instagram for letting me know about one heavily trafficked website out there that I need not bother visiting or exploring for the first time. Methinks me'll pass. Life's too short to be bored or boring. But I digress.

As for Rihanna, I must say that I am a bit disappointed that she's apparently given up her cancer sticks. Is there any cooler broad in the civilized world than a hot little number who smokes like a fish and likes to get her drink on?

So Hey Rihanna:  Rager'd be happy to mail ya a carton a Luckies to help ya jump back off the ol' tobacco wagon. Just shoot me an address over here! Go 'head, shoot!