Friday, May 22, 2015

Damn My Double Vision! "Make-Up Free Zoe Saldana Wears Skintight Leggings as She Works Up a Sweat at the Gym in Hollywood" -- Or So Someone Seems to be Observing, Leastways...

Frankly, who the fuck's lookin' at the make up, face, or leggings?!?

This broad's gotta perky little near-perfectamundo rack for which I'd gladly trade 1000 Alabama shithouses, even given the goin' rate on scrap iron and lumber.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Thank You, King Joffrey: Obama Ordains From On High in Recent Days that "We're Going to Have to Change How the Media Reports." And Frankly, I Couldn't Agree More...

To wit: All the fawning. The hero worship. The ass-kissing. The zealous advocacy. The free ride. The choreographed questions. The blissful ignoring. The cute, cuddly curtsies...

For seven long years, Obama's enjoyed all the benefits and advantages of a national media much more concerned with taking Obama's side and protecting him than actually, you know, letting some journalism break out or something.

So like the proverbial broken watch is nearly always correct twice a day, Obama has me agreeing with him over here: We're going to have to change how this damn media reports (just like we need to change people's religious beliefs, as Hilary astutely observed recently). After all, this whole freedom of press, speech, and religion thing is getting WAY overrated nowadays, don't 'cha agree?

Thursday, May 14, 2015

"GOD I WANT YOU RIGHT NOW": Missouri gop-er House Speaker & Aspiring Lyricist John Diehl Resigns Over "Sexually Charged Exchanges" with Joplin College Freshman Intern Broad!

Reading these texts (link at bottom), I was just waiting for this 49-year-old Diehl to purport to break into song or something, like a poor fat white man's Marvin Gaye. Hell, he's already got some smooth lyrics in the can:

- "Once I start I don't stop"

- "Will have my way with you"

- "And leave you quivering"

- "You will be in good hands"

- "God I want you right now"

- "Laying in bed looking at your pic"

- "I was thinking ab[o]ut what you said you wear to bed"

- "I am soooo distracted right now . . ."

- ". . . You would be in trouble if you were here."

But fledgling Motown career aside, really the only unresolved question in my mind is this:

Did this John Diehl leave things at inappropriate texting, or did his John Thomas make an appearance at some juncture, a la Diehl's democrat party versions, Bill Clinton and Anthony's Weiner?

Which itself hatches an idea for what could be the next big thing in popular music: I'm thinking of a new supergroup with Diehl on lead vocals, Clinton gettin' a saxophone puff, and Weiner flouting his flute. Just call 'em the Kumstain Trio.
More Sexual Healing:

Postscript:  Another great post suggest by Not Yo' Baby Mama!  Thank You, Not Mama!

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

This Broad Can Reyna My Parade Any Day: "Time Lapse Video Charts the Evolution of Mexican Beauty Over the Last 100 Years." And I Know the Decade I'm Hittin'!

The ongoing "100 Years of Beauty" series from is now featuring hot little number Reyna Marquez dolled up just like they did it in various decades past. And after considering all of this model Reyna's various looks from the past and present, it ain't an easy decision (just how gorgeous is that 1910 Clay Basket look from Centennial?), but I've made one...

That's right, I'll take a piece of 1980s Reyna! Good Grief, does that dish look healthy and ready to go! And she ain't the only one. So excuse me now while I go hit the shitter. Megots some deep thoughts to collect.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

AP Poll: "Decisive Majority of Americans View [Hilary] Clinton as Dishonest," Including More Than 60% of Independents. But How Can that Possibly Be?

Ans: While admittedly politically ignorant to the hilt, the American people are not, overall, outright stupid -- even if leftist 20 percenters believe the precise opposite.

And please spare me, Hilary, the usual attacks on the source and messenger. This is the Associated Press -- not exactly a bastion of right-winger propaganda over there.

Friday, May 1, 2015

Supreme Dork: At Gay Marriage Arguments this Week, Right-Winger Justice Alito Asks If 2 Dudes & 2 Ladies Are Entitled to a Foursome Marriage Under the Constitution. Obvious Answer: Depends...

Depends on a lot. Like after matrimony, would the two broads be hookin' up directly?

On videotape?

Would they let each guy do a threesome with the two of 'em?

Is one or both of these tootses screamers?

What are their views on leg and hand restraints?

Hows about yafflin' the ol' yogurt cannon?

Are we talkin' terrific tits, or lumbering lard vats?

Asses that shake like a salt shaker, or an old barrel hoop?

In sum, how the fuck can I say whether two dudes should be allowed to marry a couple 'a broads if I know absolutely nothing about said skirts?

Alito oughta go back to law school or something. After his half-baked hypothetical, he strikes me as a couple pubes short of a Clarence Thomas.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

BRRR: 30 Degree Temps Hit NYC Over Weekend & New Report Declares "Global Warming Has Slowed" to "Natural Variability." But Isn't All That Beside the Point?

Maybe I'm a little fucked up, a little confused. I thought temps meant little to the issue of "Global Warming"? In fact, "Global Warming" ain't even the correct term for you to use anymore, you Climate Denier Bastards, ya...

To wit: Coldest decade in history? Climate Change. Hottest decade in history? Climate Change. No aqua in Cali? Climate Change. Earthquake kills 1000+ in Nepal? Climate Change. National debt tops $17 Trillion? Climate Change. Gunman goes on rampage? Climate Change. (Oh wait, I meant to say Gun Control on that one. Gettin' my canned, rotgut, groupthink blame reactions mixed up over here. But I digress...)

Isn't the real point this: The temps, the facts, the trends, and the realities matter little in any of this? Because regardless of any of those variables -- indeed, regardless, of what occurs -- the leftist 20 percenters are going to beat the "climate change" drum and try to silence any dissent or discussion to the contrary?

Because the issue, closely akin to a form of religion, is that important to them -- as a means to an end, that is. The endgame is "climate change" legislation and massive expansions in the size and power of the federal government bureaucracy as a result. (Recall the Cap'n Trade monstrosity they foisted through the House in 2009 (only to have it later die in the Senate)). The ends always justify the means with leftists, and "climate change" is just the means, the pretense, to even bigger government despite our stifling national debt.

Remember this the next time you may feel tempted to get in the middle of the "climate change" sniping between the leftist 20 percenters and the right-wingers. You'd be wasting valuable time out of your life. Because the facts and the truth simply matter not.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Old Bat Meet Kettle: Hilary, With an Estimated Net Worth of $150-200 MILLION, Calls This Week for Those Dastardly Wealthy People to be "Toppled" to the Ground!

Hackneyed Hilary is well-positioned to be 2016's version of forgettable gop-er Mitt Romney -- an out-of-touch, ultra-rich political fat cat who doesn't stand for much of anything except all-encompassing ego and perceived entitlement to elected office.

I mean, the way this broad's going, she's going to be worth more than the ol' Mittster by Election Day 2016 (and that fart's worth a cool quarter-BILLION dollars)! (Especially if some of those Middle Eastern dictators really start buckin' up on Hilary's behalf!).

Meantime Hilary's deep old pappy pockets -- she's threatened to spend a mind-boggling record $2.6 BILLION on the 2016 campaign -- certainly hasn't stopped her from spouting the same tired, hundred years' old, class warfare rhetoric of the leftist democrat party.  She declared this week that she will "topple" (common meaning: tear down; bring to a ruinous end) those damn pesky rich people (apparently excluding her own rich ancient carcass).  But hey, I guess really old rhetoric sort of befits really old candidates, no?

Besides, you've heard, haven't ya? That's right -- Hilary The Hoary says she wants to be your "Champion"!  Whatever that means, precisely...

But truth be told, if being a "Champion" means sleep-walking through a vapid, out of the past, Astroturf presidential campaign chock full of adolescent talking points, inevitability, and entitled arrogance, then the fossilized former first lady must certainly be considered at least a #1 Contender. Maybe Hilary should be the one stepping into the ring with Wladimir Klitschko this weekend instead of Bryant Jennings?

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

"World's Biggest House Goes Up For Sale -- 115 Bedrooms, 100 Bathrooms"! Man, I Could Use That Kinda Space to Move Around In...

Rager is sick and tired of being confined in small spaces, and this joint in Italy could really hit the spot.  But what to do with all them damn rooms?!?

Oh, I'd put 'em to use, just you never mind about that.  To wit:

-"Shithouse of the Day":  First, I'd rotate my use of all 100 shitters, such that no particular privy would need to be used anymore than 3 or 4 days out of the year. Special added benefit: With such infrequent use, I could probably get by (at least most of the time) with not having the crappers cleaned more than once every 10-20 years or so.

-"The Porn Nook":  I've long had a hankerin' to set aside an exclusive preview room for my Friday night porn pictures. Now I'd have it! With a year's supply of wash towels on hand at all times.

-"A Multi-Pantried Approach":  I'd devote a different room to become the pantry for each of the five food groups. Ya know -- red meat, bread, condiments, soup, and beer.

-"Give the Broads the Ol' Four Corners":  That joint's so huge, one could have four broads over at the same time, and just squirrel each away in a different corner!  "Be back in a little while, Mary Lou -- I gots a room to hit over there to check out for leaky pipes."

-"The Centrifuge":  This would be a dungeon-like chamber of horrors where I'd toss any leftists or right-wingers dumb enough to ever come a' trespassing or poachin' on my land.

-"The Bada-Bing Room": This space would double as not only a "Sopranos" viewing room on weekend mornings, but would also be easily convertible to a fully equipped titty bar to entertain any of my friends who aren't dead yet when they're in town.

-"Weapons Cache": Last but not least, meneeds a central repository for the utensils necessary to keep Centrifuge inhabitants and other motherfuckers in line when they're around my joint. Here, I'd have on hand the standard panoply of devices of mayhem, from buggy whips, riding crops, and railroad spikes, to meat grinders, Katana swords, and bone-saws.

So my plan's well on its way. Now I just need the $30 million for the askin' price. That's a shitload of bank jobs and/or gas stations to knock over. Not that I'm even given to that sort of thing, but I gots to try sumpin over here to pursue me Dream, No?

Friday, April 17, 2015

Hey, Lots of Really Old People Don't In Fact Have Dementia: UK Newspaper Cover Actually Seems to Imply that Hilary Has Alzeimer's!

That's a front page from UK's The Independent this week. And I don't care too much for the insinuation either...

Sure, Hilary's a decrepit old war horse out of the past. Sure, she's a lying sack of entitled excrement to boot. But someone needs to tell The Independent that there's a difference between (1) a person who goes around knowingly spouting fraudulent statements about past events and (2) a person who simply misremembers the past after losing their marbles to Alzeimer's.

I just haven't seen any credible evidence that Hilary currently has on-set Alzeimer's symptoms, a la right-winger hero Ronald Reagan in his second term.  Hilary may be pushing 70, but she ain't quite arrived at ol' Ronnie's mid-1980s age just yet.  Give her to around 2018, however, and let's reconvene on the issue.  Deal?

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Can't Say I Blame Her: Female Rapper Azealia Banks "Talks Obama Sex Fantasy in Billboard Magazine"...

Ya know, I've certainly been known to poke fun at the first lady's overbearing food police penchant from time to time. But I've never said she's unattractive...

In fact, I believe I've noted previously in this space that she's truly quite fetching for an early 50s-something broad. Best lookin' first lady of my lifetime (even if the pickens have been mighty slim).

So I can definitely see where this Azealia Banks is coming from when she talks about her Obama sex fantasy. Only one caveat: If this hot little item Azealia next conjures up a Hilary fantasy, then methinks you'll hear the Rager whistlin' a much different tune the next time around.

Friday, April 10, 2015

"What's in a Name?" Female Supporters Warn, "Don't Call 'Hillary' Clinton By Her First Name [Nor Sundry Other Garden-Variety Terms] -- That's Sexist!" OK, I Shall Abide [To a Point]...

Shit, I already been abidin' for a year or two now. I never say "Hillary"...

Rather it'll always be "Hilary" to me. You see, I don't ever call political slimeballs by the names, labels, or spellings they're given, request, or prefer to be called. They're deserving of no such respect.

That leads me to "democrat party." And "gop-er party." And
"leftist [20 percenters]". And "right-wingers." And "Hilary," as the case may be.

Not to mention other descriptions that Hilary supporters have recently warned me not to use (and by those warnings I cannot abide), to wit:  Hilary Clinton is a polarizing, calculating, disingenuous, insincere, ambitious, inevitable, entitled, over-confident, secretive, out of touch, do anything to win, old battle axe of a broad who represents the past (and every single word of that be true).  Now, all that being said...

S-O-O-O-O-O -- What should you call ME, you may be inquiring?

ANS:  Just keep your fuckin' mouth shut about me.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The Inside Skinny: How Victoria's Secret Model Kelly Gale Manages to Go Around Looking Like THIS...

According to this hot little Australian number Kelly, her secret is a simple two-fold equation:  (1) Hit the gym 3 times a day; and (2) Consume a bunch of seeds and berries and shit (pic above).

My only question:  Is this broad claiming that I can get down to Kelly-like male proportions if I just maintain a diet focused on such things as barley, wheat, oats, and rye seeds? 

Because, I've gots a good friend named Mr. K-Ice who packs all them same damn seeds, but very much begs to differ with Kelly's proffered opinion.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Report: "Michelle O 'Healthy' Lunches Fed to Pigs." OK, This Whole Michelle ObamaMeals Thing Is Really Starting to Get a Bit Ridiculous...

Where are the animal rights people when you need them for once? This is so inhumane...

Here we have a clear abuse of innocent hogs, and PETA's not so much as even stickin' a snout in.

Meantime the ASPCA also needs to grow a hoof, apparently thinking that feeding crap to swine be fine as well.

Meguesses these Michelle ObamaMeals must have the right letter next to their name.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Endless Campaign: Once You've Known One Leftist 20 Percenter -- Same Talking Points; Same Rotgut Reactions; Same Tired Tactics "All the Time"...

In reference to devout leftist Big Apple mayor Bill de Blasio, the following passage struck me this week from a New York Post column by Michael Goodwin (one of America's most entertaining political columnists, for my money):

"'All politics, all the time for de Blasio' -- The quote of the week from [local democrat party broad Cathy Nolan on de Blasio's politicking on education]. 'Everything with the de Blasio administration is a campaign,' she told the Wall Street Journal."

Continues Goodwin: "In his second year, just like his first, Bill de Blasio would rather campaign than govern. He panders to his 17 percent base as though that’s all there is to leading and managing an international city of 8.4 million people. It’s all politics, all the time."

Gee whiz, that description seems to sound rather vaguely familiar. Let's see: Constant campaigning rather than governing? Concerned with the 20% of the population that groupthinks his ideology, to the complete exclusion of everyone else? Politics before everything, "all the time"?

Well, anyway, the name will come to me. Until then, I'm just glad we've never elected an American president who was like that. Such a dude would probably have to go down as one of the worst ever. Don't 'cha think?

Friday, March 27, 2015

Methinks She Needs Lasik Surgery Instead: "Human Barbie" Says She's Getting Her 37th Plastic Surgery to "Look Like" the Doll!

I'm confused over here. Not precisely sure what doll this "Human Barbie" Lacey Wildd is trying to emulate?

Simply put, the children's Barbie doll has never had gigantic tits like this Wildd freak (now approaching a QQQ cup size!). What damn doll is this bosomy broad looking at?!?

Now, if Wildd was trying to be a retread of, say, Dolly Parton or a pale version of old school porn hottie Ebony Ayes, then yes -- I'd say she gots something going on...

But the Barbie thing just ain't workin' out so well for ya over there, Lace. Sorry doll.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Y-a-w-n: Greaseball & Joe McCarthy Clone Ted Cruz Becomes First gop-er to Declare His Candidacy for the Presidency in 2016...

But there's little need to waste more than a single sentence on Cruz, since this greasy, one-dimensional right-winger is easily summarized in one word:  Unelectable.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Gentlemen Prefer Her: "Once Dubbed Kim Kardashian's Protege," Hot Little Number Lauren Stoner Steps Out on Her Ownsome (& Better Yet, On a Miami Beachsome!)

Oh My! What a Tight Toots! And mebelieves this buoyant bayside broad has officially rendered as Servant her former Master...

Give Big Daddy ALL THAT any day of the week, year or lifetime before Kim's huge fat ass, farcically fake tits, and profoundly retarded IQ.

Has the Rager begun to grow on ya yet over there, Stoner?!?

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Just Shut the Fuck Up Already: Miami Man Shouts on the Street at Temple-Goers, "Allah Akbar, We Will Cut Your Heads Off!" Uh, No You Won't, Tough Guy...

...Not if I bust yer jaw for ya and punch ya right in the cock first, asshole.

Take your slimy carcass over to the "islamic state" or the Persian Shithouse of Iran, you prick.

Because I won't offer ya even so much as one jobs program or wimp treaty before I split your head as a favor, slug-job.

Friday, March 13, 2015

"Pert Derriere"? Not the Precise Same Two Words that 1st Came to Mind For Me, But They'll Do: Zoe Kravitz Shows Off in Miami, Set to Appear in THREE Big Films the Next Few Months...

This hot little number Zoe (of course the fruit of the loins of Lenny Kravitz and old Cosby kid Lisa Bonet) seems to be at a career-exploding moment at present -- about to show up in short order in THREE hot new releases: (1) a new take on the 80s Road Warrior blockbusters ("Mad Max: Fury Road"); (2) a "Divergent" sequel called "Insurgent"; and (3) "drone-strike drama Good Kill".

Personally, I was already planning to check out the re-imagined Mad Max picture. But now I may also have a Good Kill and an Insurgent in my immediate future. After viewing the below-linked stories concerning this Zoe broad, truth be told, those two additional films had me at Ass.