Friday, February 27, 2015

Preschool Party Time: Iowa Kindergarten Teacher Gets Her Drink On During Students' Valentine's Day Festivities! No Good?

She's 40-year-old pie-eyed kindergarten teacher Jennifer L. Rich (pic immediately above), and it was the Friday the 13th before Valentine's Day, so the pressure was on at that afternoon's class party: All those parents; all those 6-year-old punks; all that candy; and all them damn valentines! Ain't that enough to prompt any teacher to wanna whack down a six-pack to take the ol' edge off?

But you know those parents -- always the killjoy, them. And when one of 'em spotted a beer can in Tipsy Teach's classroom during the party, I figure parent had at least a few choices: Like take a drink, for one. Or dispose of the can (in a green-friendly recycle bin, of course). Or entertain the little shits on hand with a can crush to the head!

Or, you can just be an old Grumpy Gus and rat out the tanked teacher to the cops. Stoolie! When precisely that occurred, the cops reportedly arrived faster than a Keystone Ice buzz on a midget. Cops say they found a bag in the classroom with four full beer cans and a couple a' empties.

Reportedly adding to the federal case, as well, were a couple of bloodshot eyes on the well-oiled Ms. Rich. (Mewonders whether the party might've actually begun in earnest even before the kids arrived, given that a couple a' brews ain't normally gonna bloodshot a broad's eyes, no? But I digress).

Now this intoxicated teacher is going to have to swig her suds in a new classroom, since the whole brouhaha brought about her arrest and her resignation from her former suburban Des Moines elementary school.  Hey Teach: Take the booze to the shithouse or something next time, you psycho, crazy-eyed freak, ya!

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

When Do the American Oscars Air? Regardless, "Czech Version of Oscars Is Duped Into Inviting Fake Jim Carrey Onstage During Its Awards Ceremony"!

But on a positive note for the Czech awards show, I'm hearing that the imposter Jim Carrey outshone a typical appearance by the real McCoy -- actually garnering, ya know, a few isolated laughs for his old imbecilic antics.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Oh GOOD GRIEF! Me Needs to Follow Broads' Lead & Start Paying Attention to Those Damn Super Bowl Commercials!

Like any upstanding Man's Man, the Rager typically eschews any ounce of attention towards the morosely expensive, usually unfunny "Super Bowl commercials." I always gots more pressing business to close during those fleeting moments...

Such as dedicating the shithouse. And grabbing another couple Keystone Ices. Plus a platter of homemade Double Down Dogs. (One of which I toss to my own old dog, while cursing him upside down for spite, just to demonstrate my humane side -- although I digress). And JUST LOOK where my little commercial-time dalliances have gotten me!...

I completely missed out on this toothsome teeted toots Charlotte McKinney and her two mighty Mick meat puppets on the Carl's Jr Ad! -- Forcing my relegation to rudimentary after-the-fact accounts and second-hand anecdotes just to get a little load of her luxuriant lamp-posts.

And yes, yes I say -- I do see utilization of the DVR button in my early February 2016 future for this greatest of gladiatorial contests known as the "Super Bowl."  If you'd ever told me that the recording could double one week of the year as both a sporting event and as my usual Friday Night porn flick, you mainstream bastards would've had me at Hello long before this current Come-To-Jesus-H-Jugs moment.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Executive Privilege: "Michelle Obama's Secret Aspen Ski Trip Exposed After Her Motorcade Was Allowed by Cops to Sneak Around Car Accident"...

But no word yet whether the special allowance was related to undue duress and threats of Michelle ObamaMeals suddenly supplanting free flatfoot donuts and coffee down to local Colorado convenience stores.

Friday, February 13, 2015

It's Almost Boring, Always Being Right: democrat party Hack David Axelrod Chimes In That gop-ers Will Lose in 2016 Unless They Nominate Jeb Bush. Gee, Never Saw That Comin'!

Let's see, what was it that I said about 10 days ago? Oh yeah, here's the quote: 

"Expect plenty of disingenuous statements from democrat party people and their media claiming that Jeb is the 'best' candidate the gop-ers can nominate (a real challenger to Hilary!)." -- The Independent Rage, 02/03/2015

On cue, one of the leading democrat party henchman in the country -- longtime Obama confidant and slimeball David Axelrod -- had this to say this week to right-winger website, Daily Caller, at a book signing event:

"Axelrod said at the event that [gop-ers] will be doomed if they choose not to nominate Jeb Bush . . . adding that if Bush loses the primary then 'he will lose and the [gop-ers] will lose as well."

The motivation for these statements is easy to understand, of course: democrat party leftists see Bush as an opponent whom Hilary Clinton will easily defeat (and frankly I agree with 'em); as a result, it's in their interests to lie and play the guy up like he's some sort of 2016 juggernaut.

Axelrod's salvo is just the first of what are sure to be many similar proclamations in the weeks and months to come from those of his ilk. Meantime, these creatures and their media will take the opposite tact when it comes to the opponent they fear the most -- right-winger Wisconsin governor Scott Walker.

Walker will be labeled as a guy with no chance of beating Hilary, and the long knives will be out to get him. Already this week we've got the Washington Post digging into Walker's college (yes college) years.

Never mind, of course, that seven years after the fact, I've still never gotten to take a gander at those Obama college records that he's always refused (and gotten away with refusing) to release. Privacy and ancient history are concepts that mean something, after all, as long as you have a "D" next to your name.

For now, methinks Mr. Walker better be readying his response for the other shoe likely to drop soon, i.e. when the Post next breaks the news of all those demerits Walker received in Miss Crabapple's first grade class. But hey, the democrat party warned us ahead of time that this guy had no chance of winning!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

"Double Down Dog"? New KFC Offering Features Hot Dog Wrapped in a Bun Made of Fried Chicken (!), But Sadly It's Only Available Overseas. But That Ain't Stoppin' Me!

KFC says "there are no plans to add the fatty fried treat to menus in U.S. stores," as this little culinary delight named the "Double Down Dog" is currently only offered in the Philippines.

Gee, how surprising. As I'm sure KFC knows full well, just imagine all the U.S. food police creeps, Michelle and all, who would come out the woodwork to have the Double Down Dog banned if it was sold here -- Since most of us are too stupid and incapable, after all, of making our own dietary choices, either for ourselves or for our children.

But that doesn't mean a Rager can't improvise over here! So this week I goes to a gas station and a MacDonalds (and not even to knock over either joint) and got me a few hot dogs and MacChickens...

Using a chicken patty as a wrap for a wiener -- and a little horseradish, cheese, mustard and relish later -- it's a big KABOOM!: An instant Double Down Dog ready to go down my piehole faster than an Imelda Marcos shoe purchase.

For good measure, I inhaled a couple more homemade Double Down Dogs as a part of the same sitting (my pic below), just to round out a threesome. And to think, I've lived to tell of the ordeal! Why don't ya ban that shit, leftists.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Protect & Serve (Yourself): "X-Rated Photos Show Female Cop Pleasuring Herself at Police Station"!

Cops are always talking about "going downtown," but this is rather ridiculous.  Local cops in Puerto Rico say 29-year-old female cop Cynthia Marrero Pomales had a male cop snap the above photos of Marrero ticklin' the ol' tinsel inside the police station while in uniform!

I realize these cops spend an exorbitant amount of time at doughnut shops and therefore need to get their exercise in, but C'MON Cynthia!  Let's impose some reasonable time, place and manner restrictions, baby!

And I would think that this little fast-fingered broad breached all sorts of cop protocols in the process: Failing to come out with her hands up, and failing to keep her hands where I can see them, for example, immediately spring to mind.

Now, while I'm certain Cynthia has already received the "My Office" dressing down from her Capitan, it's not yet clear is whether she'll have to turn in her badge. At the moment, she's merely suspended and also exercising her right to remain silent.

Hell, the whole stink from this likely came as a big surprise to her, as she reportedly "had not intended for [her masturbation pics] to be seen outside of a small, private circle of friends."

But that was before fellow officers ratted her out by leaking the pics to the "social" media.  Gosh, where's that backup when ya need it??

[Postscript:  Muchos gracias Thanks to "Not Yo Baby Mama" for the Tip on this story!]

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Early Quick Prediction Time for 2016: democrat party Wants Another Bush v. Clinton. Will gop-ers Give It To 'Em, Or Will They More Wisely Go New & Young?

Just a few quick observations today way in advance of the 2016 presidential election:

-Strikes me the leftist democrat party 20 percenters would LOVE to see Jeb Bush get the right-winger gop-er party nomination.  The country will not elect another Bush president, and ol' Jebber wipes away a lot of Hilary Clinton's weaknesses, since he has the same ones (i.e. being an aging old battle axe, with a political dynasty name, who doesn't stand for much of anything).  As a result, expect plenty of disingenuous statements from democrat party people and their media claiming that Jeb is the "best" candidate the gop-ers can nominate (a real challenger to Hilary!).

-Further strikes me that the candidate the leftists fear the most, and the one they least want as the gop-er nominee, is one Scott Walker, the right-winger Governor of a leftist-dominated state, Wisconsin.  Fearful, as well the leftists probably should be.  Leftists nationwide have poured resources into trying to destroy this Walker for years, but he always comes out on top. I think he would be a decided underdog to defeat the old moth-eaten Hilary, but I'd give him more of a chance than the tired old Jebber. As a result, expect plenty of disingenuous statements from democrat party people and their media claiming that Walker is the "worst" candidate the gop-ers could possibly nominate (with no chance of ever beating Hilary!).  That's just the way these people roll.

[This exemplar of pure political analysis is brought to you free of charge by the Rager. If you don't care for it much, G-F-Y.]

Friday, January 30, 2015

So Cliche: "Amy Childs Puts Her Ample Assets on Full Display in Cape Verde." Can't These Headline Hacks Ever Come Up With Anything Better Than "Ample Assets"?

"Ample assets" ain't a bad phrase the first time you hear it.  Or maybe even after a few usages. But man it sure gets old over time...

So I'd like to ask everyone just to keep it down for a moment while I take this opportunity to propose a few alternatives to the UK Daily Mail.  Like these:

- Hawesome Honkers.

- Islamoradical Rack.

- Boatloaded Balcony.

- Two Huge Tits.

- Collectible Cans.

- Fuckin' Fun Bags!!

- Masterpiece Melons.

- Big-Ass Bazooms.

- Jesus H. Jugs.

Shouldn't I be getting paid for this shit??

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Fried Egg: Heart (& Belly) Warmin' New Details Emerge Concerning Captain Kangaroo's Last Meal on Earth. And It Had a Decidedly A-M (If Fundamentally Flawed) Flavor...

Well, he did Captain a morning show, after all! According to the linked accounts, the Good Cap'n's Last Supper consisted of a hearty breakfast platter consisting of eggs over easy, biscuits and gravy, and waffles. And while I don't mean to quibble with the Beloved Old Captain's culinary choices, I must nitpick a lick over here...

Sorry, but there are myriad preferential methods to grub up eggs rather than over easy. Gimme sunny side up, soft-boiled, scrambled or poached any day of the week over a lazy-ass, two-sided grill job.

And while I have been known to favor a good dollop (or 12 or 13) of gravy over my eggs, save your damn biscuits and waffles, El Capitan (that's way too many empty carbs, there, Chris Christie).

Too, just what kind of self-respecting breakfast Diner-diner ever takes his huevos down the hole without a good meat member? My personal prerogatives fancy a good pound steak, or leastways a ham hock or zany little bacon package.

Last but not least, never forget the grits, butter and salt to round out the attraction, Mr. Marsupial.  So R-I-P, but Please DO practice your breakfast bona fides for the next life, ya screwy sumbitch, ya.

Friday, January 23, 2015

No One's Listening: Obama's "State of the Union" Spiel Attracts "Lowest Audience in 15 Years" For the Highly Publicized Annual Event...

BTW: Obama spoke this week?  Missed it. Must've had more important things to do that day.

Like laying bathtub grout. Or flushing the wax out my ears. Or obsessing all week over Brady's deflated balls.

Just ain't enough hours in the day any more.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

What a Reach (Around)! Billy Crystal Draws Ire of "Social" Media's Politically Correct Minions, Imploring: "Stop Shoving Gay Sex Scenes In My Face!" But I Agree!

Here's how it is: I ain't tuning into some of favorite TV dramas (e.g., Banshee, Game of Thrones, Justified, etc., etc.) to see all the mindless gratuitous sex scenes they always seem to be tossin' into the mix.  When I want to get off on steamy make-believe sex, I'll just plop in a fuckin' porn for Chrissakes! (But not tonight -- it ain't Friday yet).

Sure, at times (although rarely) the soft-shoe sex scenes on regular TV shows can be kinda cool.  Like when that huge-titted bimbo on True Detective went to work on Woody Harrelson in Season 1!  Or when a couple 'a broads suddenly tag team a dude right outta the blue!

But typically, these TV-drama sex scenes are very sleep-inducing. Been there. Done that. YAWN! Simply put, otherwise outstanding dramas like those mentioned above could use far fewer of the obligatory, highly boring soft-core fuck-fests.

And this basic proposition (i.e. stop boring the living shit out of me over here) really makes no fuckin' difference if the gratuitous sex scene involves heterosexual versus gay sex. Enough already. Take it to my On Demand Porn channel and/or cut it the hell out of my drama show, for Jeezal Peezal Sake! 

Finally, as for any of you rotgut, group-thinking "social" media types who have any problem with Crystal's or any of my sentiments: I, unlike your Messiah, Obama, thought permitting gay marriage was the right thing to do years before Obama kept opposing it all the way up until the late hour of 2012 (when village idiot Joe Biden forced Obama's hand for Obama to end Obama's long-held homophobic position of gay marriage opposition)... 

What an Inconvenient Truth for all the zombie-brained, homophobe-card-playing, "social" media lout hypocrites out there.  But same as it ever was, No?!?

Friday, January 16, 2015

Politically Incorrect: Former Slave Colony Barbados Becomes the Winter "Go-To Place for Celebrities" Like Model Jodie Marsh and Others...

Other celebs seen recently on the former slave island's white sands include Simon Cowell, Lauren Silverman, Emma Forbes and Chloe Green (Mail link below). It's apparently become quite the holiday spot for the jet-setting crowd!

Never mind the island's dark history as a former Caribbean slave colony which once boasted an African slave population of over 80,000.  Which is not even to mention another former slave population on the island comprised of my ancestors' countrymen, the Irish, who were taken to Barbados in bondage by the English and whose descendants to this day form a poor, permanent underclass on the island referred to by the pejorative, "redlegs."

But enough of all that shit already.  How's abouts them side-tits on this Jodie Marsh?!? That broad can feel free to chain up my Kraut-Mick ass and paint my lower protuberances red until the sands turn green for all I care. Only one caveat, baby: Rager don't do tatoos.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Someone Ring the Cops: Who Is This Flabby, Mullet-Headed, Man-Boobed, Pasty-White Old Goober of a Dork Harassing This Hot Little Number?

Regardless, meponders that this saucy little swallop Anjulie Persaud needs to trade up.

Like yesterday.

Leastways lest Lawrence from Next Door was just panhandling or looking for his missing sunblock.

Oh for the days when they didn't let hobos out on the beach before dark.

You just can't go anywhere any more.

Friday, January 9, 2015

Now These Positions Open Up All Sorts 'a Possibilities! Alec Baldwin's Old Lady Hilaria, 31, Gets Blasted on "Social Media" For Being a "Fame Whore." WTF?!?

Pot meet kettle, "social media." 'Cause seems to me that you are chock full of little tiny people living down in a sub-basement somewhere and grasping for that one moronic tweet, post or comment that might get you noticed by someone other than Aunt Gertie or Willie the Wino down to the corner.

I've never even understood the moniker, "social" media. It's always seemed pretty anti-social to me:  Principally comprised of politically correct, grouchy, curmudgeony, group-thinking creeps who -- to quote a fellow MU alum -- probably haven't had a day of fun in their whole lives.

As for this hot little number Hilaria: This broad can feel free to be a freakin' fame whore to her little heart's content! Just keep them pics 'a comin', Baby! And if this sweet dish's next pic involves the ol' Butter Churner, I just may have to excuse myself to the shithouse for a few days (sheepish grin).

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

For Sarcophagus' Sake: "Thief Steals Hearse at Church with Casket & Body Still Inside"!

Story's from South L.A.  The hearse in question was reportedly left idling in the church parking lot by the funeral parlor pard with the coffin and dearly departed still chilling in the back (link below).

But if I've said it once, I've said it a million times:  If you leave the keys inside, then shame on your dumb ass when they take a ride.  Silly undertaker.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Holy Holiday Healthiness: "Melanie Sykes Has One Hell of a Bikini Body!" Uh...

...That's one way to put it mildly.

Realize that this broad is actually older than the Rager!?!

Good Grief.

And never mind who she is.  Because I don't know.

Said Hilary: What difference, at this point, does it make?!?

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Disproportionate Response: "McDonald's Drive-Thru Patron Pulled Gun Over Missing Cheeseburger." That's Not Justice, My Friend...

Retaliations that don't fit the slight have no place in the criminal world. None. Like when Don Vito Corleone refuses to whack out the sleazejobs that carved up Bonasera's daughter. "That is not justice, your daughter is still alive," the Don waxed philosophic to his undertaker friend. Instead, the Godfather ordained that the culprits suffer just as the broad had suffered (i.e., something in the way of torture but short of getting whacked).

Which brings me to this cheeseburger caper in Tennessee, where cops say 21-year-old Demetri Johnson brandished a gun at employees when his order was missing a sandwich.  Dude! What were you thinking?!?

I might be able to see it if he'd been gypped a premium sandwich, like a Big Mac, Quarter Pounder or McRib. Those damn things cost like four freakin' bucks nowadays.

But a cheeseburger? That's what, a buck plus tax? Something like that simply never warrants an full-on aggravated assault (allegedly).

My best advice to Quick Draw McGraw over there is to keep your gun under the seat next time. A Dollar Menu item ain't never worth much more than a good punch in the schnoz or maybe a couple 'a eye gouges.

Cheap food for thought. And for Sagan's Sake, Demetri, don't ever make the mistake of takin' this weak-ass shit to the Don on the day of his daughter's wedding.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

New Study: "Men Who Like Spicy Food Are Likely To Be Alpha Males." But I'm Calling Bullshit...

You can't make a dish too spicy for me (and I'm talking culinary preferences here, not broads, although the same principle applies equally to both). I've yet to meet a good grub plate that had too much red pepper flake, street-grade horseradish, or habanero hot sauce sloshed all over it. The hotter the better, damn you!

So someone best inform these Grenoble University researchers that they gots it all wrong over there. Because I ain't no "alpha male." I've got about as much desire to be a high-strung prick who goes around imposing my will on others as I do to take my hot sauce up the ass from Dick Cheney down at Gitmo (even if porn stars do swear by the method of hot-pepper-laced rectal rehydration as the best cure out there for a flacid frankfurter. I digress).

But, while I want no part of ordaining edicts, decrees, dictates or ultimatums on either the laws or everyday behaviors of others (I'll leave that sort of thing to Obama, his leftist 20 percenters, and other "alpha male" louts everywhere), it can also be said that with two solitary exceptions, no one tells me what to do. (Employers (I gotta earn, don't I?) and cops ('cause they'll beat the livin' fuck out of me otherwise) garner those lone 2 exemptions, BTW).

In short, rather than bearing any relation whatsoever to alpha assholes, what I'm feelin' over here is a most definite correlation between love of blast furnace hot eats and being an Independent.

So I'm officially givin' Grenoble a chance to go do some of that shit the slimeball politicians are always trumpeting (ya know, "recalibrating," "pivoting," "evolving," "robusting" -- all that mindless crap) and then shoot me some new study results in a few weeks. They need only mention "Independent" once in the banner and then 1 or 2 additional times in the body. I'm evolving like that.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

May-December Dirtbags: Central States Should Be on the Lookout For These Two Slimeballs After The Old and the Not-So-Beautiful Escape from the Kentucky State Pen...

The story's from WDKY Fox 56 in Lexington, Kentucky. The two brutes were in the joint for thievery before their escape. But what strikes me as Pinkel-remarkable about this item is the almost laughable age disparity between this troublesome tandem of thieves!

First you have this Joshua Stephenson, whom I wouldn't be surprised to find out just dropped out of Harlan High School and straight into the Boyd Crowder crew in a final season episode of "Justified."

Next up in this unlikely den of thieves is this old, eye-patch totin' Michael Fleet character, who looks like something out of a bad western picture from 1969. And does Kentucky really allow old fat white-bred cons to wear big shitkicker hats and burnt sienna ascots around the hoosegow?

But that should make Fleet, at least, easy to spot for all of us flyover peons. Just keep an eye out for a one-eyed old fat man flouting the gun control laws atop Beau the Horse. Hell, you'll probably be able to smell this thievin' fatass old cattle poacher a mile away!