Wednesday, July 31, 2013

What a Boner: Startling Revelations from Anthony's Weiner's (Carlos Danger's) Latest Sext Mate Concerning this Prick's Proclivity for Phone Sex -- Several Damn Times a Day!

Do not ever give this dick a hand. He's got it all covered himself, and then some.  To the ding dong song of 5-15 times per day!...

I haven't until now talked about the recent string of sexting/donging revelations to spank Anthony's Weiner of the democrat party. That's because, truth be told, his wanker antics are growing a little short. But then I saw this new stuff Tuesday from Anthony's Weiner's latest sext broad, 23-year-old Sydney "Elaine" Leathers (pics above and below), and I could no longer ignore!

Weiner (known in sexting/donging circles as Carlos Danger) may be refusing to pull out of the Big Apple mayoral race, but Anthony's Weiner apparently has no trouble pulling out his congressional member over and over again every single day...

Ms. Leathers tells Howard Stern that Weiner, "the peter-tweeting pol, used to call her up to five times a day - and almost every day - to have phone sex, and that still wasn't enough!"

"He could have 12 girls talking to him, beating off 15 times a day and that wouldn't be enough," marveled Ms. Leathers. "You would think his dick would hurt by the end of it!" (Indeed.)

Ms. Leathers is also questioning Anthony's Weiner's ability to grow into the mayoral position, since his "obsession with sex" might not leave him much time to govern. "How are you going to be mayor of New York City if you're c*ming five times a day?," inquired Ms. Leathers.

Ms. Leathers' other complaints include the fact that Anthony's Weiner "was just this needy little bitch -- he needs his ego stroked" (and a lot more than that, baby!). Moreover, she says, Anthony's Weiner on the horn was a "wham bam thank you ma'am" sort of phone sexer. "Conversation over, I came," Ms. Leathers recalls their conversations ending.

For her troubles, Ms. Leathers is looking to cash in on Anthony's Weiner's one-eyed notoriety. In addition to doing Stern (and showing him her "T&A" during the show), Ms. Leathers has hired a publicist and has a photo shoot in the works soon...

She's even toying with the idea of breaking into porn (and currently in discussions with porn producers at Vivid Entertainment).  But in case you're waiting with bated breath for that one, Ms. Leathers says she'll need to get a big boob job first before she'll allow any porn cameras to roll.

As for the subject of Anthony's Weiner's wife, Huma's Weiner (whose Hillary Clinton "Stand by Your Man" victim routine at hubby's presser last week seems to have backfired -- Huma being a former Hillary lackey), Ms. Leathers says she's willing to lend a hand there on Huma's Weiner too...

In particular, when asked if she would sleep with Huma's Weiner, Ms. Leathers chimed in, "Sure, she needs it."  Now if they stick THAT action in the porn picture, then I'm a' buyin'!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Crown Fools: This Brit Crown Line of Succession Thing Is REALLY F*cked Up! Elevating Newborn Grandson Above Future King's Youngest Son? This Has Big Bowl of Wrong Written All Over It...

Counterintuitive. Archaic. Mindless. And just plain not makin' much sense. I'm talking about the British Crown's Line of Succession, which I was startled to read this week suddenly elevates "Prince" William's newly born little shit George straight above William's younger brother Harry to become the new King if something happens to Old Queen Elizabeth and her notorious offspring Charles.

So let me clear my throat, and let me get this straight: Say the Old Lady jets off to India or somewhere tomorrow for a Big Royal Appearance, with her nefarious son Charles and bald William in tow? And say something happens along the way (Heaven forbid) and the jet goes down (ever seen "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" from The Twilight Zone?).

You mean to tell me that in that situation, a little 5-day-old punk would suddenly become the King of England? OVER a 28-year-old Harry who would at least be able to make coherent decisions over such important matters as how to spend the Royal budget, where The Family will be appearing in person this year, and what to do with those crappy Region 1 DVDs that the Obamas completely insulted the Royal Family with back in 2009?

Sorry, but I just don't get this whole Limey Succession List thing. Sounds like something straight outta the year 1525. We don't have such issues over here in the States, BTW. When one of ours departs, we just annoint a new Bush, Clinton or Obama as the new Monarch...

That's a tradition here that's been goin' on for 25 plus years now in the Good Ol' U-S-of-A! Although very suddenly now, I take back the derogatory things I said above about the Brits' Royals. At least their royal assholes don't have any real power.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Under Pressure: "Despite Uncanny Physical Resemblance, Sacha Baron Cohen WON'T Play Freddie Mercury" in Upcoming Queen Biopic Film. Good News!

It seems that Cohen had "creative differences" with the surviving Queen band members that led him to "remove himself" from the role (link below). Translation: Cohen wanted a more filthy film that would be all about him (i.e. centered exclusively on his Mercury character), while the band wants a PG picture focusing on the entire group.

I, for one, am glad that Cohen hit the bricks. I don't like it when clowns play serious characters in films. See, e.g., Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson in "Starsky and Hutch"; Johnny Knoxville and Seann William Scott in "Dukes of Hazzard"...

Freddie Mercury was one of the most dynamic and memorable performers and vocalists in rock music history, and he led a highly complex life that tragically ended due to the AIDS disease in 1991. His legacy deserves a serious actor to play him, and not some zany comedian more interested in hoggin' the screen with wild sexual antics aimed at shocking the audience.

In terms of my nominations for this role, Obama's an outstanding thespian, but he doesn't look the part and would be handicapped by the fact that he wouldn't be allowed to read from prompter. Or, I might nominate Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling, but those dudes' films have recently been bombing out worse than a Glade can in a Georgia shithouse.

I'm actually at a bit of a loss, because the actor can't be too old. Hows a' bout a relative unknown 30-something?  Maybe Mike Vogel ("Under the Dome," "Bates Motel"), Charlie Hunnam ("Sons of Anarchy"), or Joel Kinnaman ("The Killing")...

Or what about a real wildcard -- Avan Jogia from ABC Family Channel's "Twisted" (too young at 21?). Regardless, anyone but Cohen is the bottom line over here. Buzz off, Borat.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Alley Oop: "He Was Just a Neanderthal Type of Man -- He Used My BBQ Grill as an Ashtray & Drank Out My Milk Container, w/ Unusual Proclivities in Bed," Spouts Caveman's Old Lady!

Methinks World Wrestling Entertainment needed to sign up this alleged old lady-stalkin' Cro-Magnon Man (link below) yesterday.  What, with Doink the Clown and Buzz Sawyer now Gones-ville, and Abdullah The Butcher pushing 90, Kamala the Ugandan Headhunter hobbling around on half a leg, and Original Gangsta New Jack not so visible anymore -- who's gonna fill the hardcore entertainment void?

Gotta take a risk, WWE.  Take a chance.  Betcha this crazy Caveman, in return, will take a stab himself (in more ways than one), and reward you only too well with his crazy antics. Leastways, that's the way I'd run a wrestling federation -- sign the Caveman.

Gotta entertain the People, after all. Without that, the People are left to their own resorts, and find themselves watching the likes of "Under the Dome" and "Siberia" on Monday nights.  I don't think even Vincent K. McMahon is so blind. Look at that Caveman go!

Friday, July 19, 2013

Justifiable Violence? Would a Broad Be Within Her Rights to Whack Out (Or At Least Maim) Her Old Man for "Terrifying Wake-Up YouTube Prank Using Giant Puppet Replica of Creepy Ghost Girl" from Horror Movie "The Ring"?

I've never cared much for so-called pranksters. Their antics rarely make me laugh. More often, they strike me as being deservant of a good poke right in the mush. Or, as Delbert Grady might say, perhaps a bit more, if you don't mind my saying so...

And so we get this James Williams goof on YouTube (pics above/link below), who recently arranged it as a "prank" for his old lady to be caught on camera frightened half to death by waking up to a huge ghost doll rolling out the TV screen like something outta "The Ring."  "I wanted to see how she would react," said the braintrust.

Luckily for this fool, his old lady (after running a few laps around the joint in horror) did not attack him after discovering the truth. But would she have been justified in taking a big piece out of his hide -- or perhaps a bit more, as posited above by Sir Grady?

After all, the law says that not all murders, for example, are punishable as such. You can intentionaly whack a dude out, as one example, and be entirely excused if you were using an appropriate level of self defense (and no, I am not referring to or looking to get into the George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin verdict -- I leave that partisan pissing match to the leftists and right-wingers)...

Similarly, what's essentially a murder can be reduced down to voluntary manslaughter as a "crime of passion" (classic example: the old lady catches the old man banging some broad in the bedroom and takes a meat cleaver to his sorry buck-naked ass).

If Girlfriend had given this assclown Williams his just comeuppance through a good ass-kicking (or perhaps a bit more), should she have a "crime of passion" (or similar) defense in light of that awful, wicked prank?

If so, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. I think, at a minimum, this creep deserved a good beatin' with a riding crop, buggy whip, leather belt or other makeshift weapon. Hell, stick that beatdown on YouTube -- everyone else does.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Deranged Right-Winger Michele Bachmann Says She Wants to Give Obama a Good "Spanking"! My Idea of Sending Right-Winger & Leftist Freaks to a Nice Prairie Exile Is Sounding More & More Appealing...

Ya know, who in the hell wants to be around these people? Yes, "you people," meaning leftists and right-wingers, with all of your hate, cowardice, hypocrisy, moronic rhetoric, and group-thinking, anti-intellectual world views.

If you're not talking one day about giving people on the other extreme a good "spanking," then you're talking about having everyone on the other extreme "put to death."  You people make me sick.

And as appealing as rounding up all you people and impounding you on the West Kansas prairie may sound (see Monday's post), I'm not convinced yet that it's entirely legal to do something like that. So, in the meantime, I may just have to settle for the same promise I've given you people before:

You people will steer clear of me in real life, just like you people will steer clear of the few people in this world that I care about. By God, you will... 

Sorry in advance for those sentiments, and in the meantime, G-F-Yourselves. Or, if you prefer, go spank yourselves, or go put yourselves to death, or whatever the hell you people like to do in your free time. Just stay the hell away from me and mines, you slimes.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Just Have Them All Put to Sleep: Angry Georgetown Student Calls for All Members of the gop-er party to Be "Put To Death," Then Doubles Down on that Leftist Death Wish!

In the mind of partisan ideologues, the concept of violence is often a tolerable one just so long as we're talkin' violence aimed at people on the other extreme (errrr, side) of things... 

To wit -- this deranged exchange last week as Georgetown students blamed gop-ers for the recent increase in student loan interest rates (for which, BTW, both parties appear equally blameworthy), with one genius calling for all gop-ers to get whacked out:

-Demented Student (Big Bearded Lug above)"I don't think I support anything the [gop-ers] do. I think all of them should probably be put to death."

-Somewhat Less Demented Student (Short Bearded Dork)"That was a little harsh."

-Demented Student (Big Bearded Lug)"No, it wasn't!!!"

My reaction: While I can't say that I'm a supporter of the euthanization of either the gop-ers or the democrat party, the country would certainly be greatly benefited if all of them would just go away. And I'm not about just tossing out ideas without a concrete plan for implementation over here...

Here in Kansas, we have vast expanses of unused prairie lands in the western half of the state, which I think may have the gop-er and democrat parties' names written all over them.

Round up these creeps of both ilks (starting with demented Georgetown assclown), I say, and put them all out to pasture right out there on the prairie. Having thought long and hard about it over the weekend, I think that's the most humane thing to do.

Friday, July 12, 2013

This'll Teach 'Em to Celebrate the Fourth:
Crazed Independence Day "Party Pooper" Allegedly "Pours Gas Near Kids, Flips Over Man in Wheelchair" in July 4 Florida Rampage!

I would suggest next time celebrating the 4th of July around this guy with something that doesn't make noise -- like sparklers or smoke bombs -- but the deranged-looking 72-year-old Richard Rice (pic above at the top/link below) apparently doesn't care how quiet the firework might be: He's still gonna come after ya! (Allegedly)

Grandpa Michael Jones says he and his grandchildren were just having a modest July 4 celebration at around 9:40 p.m. when nutty neighbor Rice showed up from next door with a big can of gasoline. And that's when the real fireworks started...

"Party's Over!", the frothing fireworks hater allegedly spouted. Rice then reportedly "dumped the fuel near Jones' grandchildren, who were holding sparklers."

When Jones tried to confront the maniacal holiday madman, he says Rice overturned Jones' wheelchair right out in the middle of the street.  And just to emphasize his point, Rice allegedly sprinkled some gasoline on the fallen Jones as well.  Thankfully no one was hurt (or set on fire) in the alleged demented incident.

Now Rice may have to spend some time stoking fires down at the local hoosegow, as cops have lit up Rice on a charge of abusing an elderly or disabled adult. So maybe Rice will be exchanging the gas can for the real can -- I'd call that a good trade for the lunatic lout (allegedly).

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

C'mon People Now, Spy on Your Brother:
Barry Milhous Obama Orders Federal Employees to Spy On & Report Each Other For "Suspicious" Activities! LOUT.

Says the late Tuesday report (link below):  "In an initiative aimed at rooting out future leakers and other security violators . . . Obama has ordered federal employees to report 'suspicious' actions of their colleagues based on behavioral profiling techniques that are not scientifically proven to work."  But who really cares if these tactics (called "the Insider Threat Program") are proven to work or not, right Barry? Since the only bad spying is no spying at all, no?

This foolishness apparently includes Obama's orders to federal employees to report and/or monitor fellow workers (1) who come to work early and/or work late (can't have that!), (2) who may be under stress in their personal lives (Oh the Humanity!), (3) who may face impending divorce and/or personal financial difficulties (damn pesky real life!), or (4) who may have something considered to be "unusual" or fishy in their lifestyles, attitudes and/or behaviors (My God, now I'll never get a government job!).  For good measure, employees who fail to spy on and make a report of their co-workers "face penalties and criminal charges."

Gosh, must be a great time to be a federal worker!  Spy on your friends, rat out your co-workers, and put them on report, or else we'll toss your ass in the hoosegow, ordains His Majesty!  CREEP.

I've frequently stated in this space that Obama along with W Bush is one of the two worst and most destructive presidents of my lifetime (and I'm old enough to have lived through the original Nixon as well as Carter) (BTW, I've often stated and repeated the Nixon-Obama comparison since 2009 -- long before the right-wingers absolutely stole my material earlier this year)... 

But despite my prior placement of W and Obama on equal planes of infamy, the individual we currently have as a president -- and I have no qualms in stating -- is truly disgusting. I'm this close (not quite there yet) to proclaiming Obama The Worst president of my lifetime, following some of his deplorable second-term behavior and scandals.

What I still can't understand to this day are the people who originally (and the many still today who) consider this individual to be some sort of transcending, almost Messiah-like figure. He sure as hell ain't that or anything even remotely similar.  Only three-and-a-half years left and counting down, now.  Thank God.

Monday, July 8, 2013

"It's Outrageous!" Long John Silver's "Big Catch Platter" Garners the Scorn of Leftist Nutrition Police, Wins Distinction of Being "Unhealthiest Restaurant Meal in America." Giddy-Up!

The tantalizing platter consists of a giant slab of fried fish (three times larger than LJS's normal-sized piece of fish), an order of greasy onion rings, some savory breaded shrimp, and some fried cornmeal hush puppies just for good measure. And the dish has certainly earned its notoriety, delivering stats like these:

-1,320 calories.
-3,700 milligrams of sodium.
-33 grams of trans fat (more than the leftists think you should have in two weeks).

"It's outrageous," crowed some leftist nutritionist at Harvard named Walter Willett, as he called for the FDA to ban any food having any trans fat. Ivy League leftists are the ones who know what's best for all of us simpleton flyover dumbskies, after all.

Meantime leftist advocacy group "Center for Science in the Public Interest" echoed its agreement, bestowing the "Worst Unhealthiest Meal" title on the platter last week.

Funny thing is: I'd never heard of this platter and probably wouldn't have if I hadn't seen the linked story where Willett and the CSPI are bitching about it. And I'd like to thank them both...

After seeing the story, I made a point over the weekend to get a Big Catch Platter down at my Kansas City-area LJS joint. And I gotta tell ya: Mmm, Mmm! Deee-licious!

Now don't'cha hate me too much, leftist 20 percenters: You should all be happy to know that I did use low-fat tartar sauce (nearly an entire bottle's worth) on that big giant fish fry.

Friday, July 5, 2013

After Being a Bit of a Debbie Downer & Grumpy Gus on Memorial Day, I Feel More Like Looking at Some Broads This Fourth of July Weekend...

And, taking a cue from that La Guardia worker dude this week, I'd like to load up some of these hot little numbers on the back of an airport stair car and drive it down Broadway in Kansas City as a float in this weekend's Independence Day parade.

Then, in the real spirit of the Holiday, I'd head that rig over to Kansas City's Independence Avenue and put on a bona fide rolling show for all the hoes, hobos and meth freaks down there.  Hell, it would be something new -- bet they'd appreciate it.

'Course, first I'd need to procure a stair car. Plus the broads. I'm thinkin' -- maybe next year.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

At Least He Left the Baggage Tractor Behind:
"La Guardia Airport Worker Drives Stair Car to Pizza Joint"!

Either it was a second-story pizza parlor or this worker was very, very famished. But there's now apparently quite the uproar in the Big Apple over this "lunchtime joyride" (link below/pics above), since it seems that operating stair cars on public roadways is not all-the-way legal for some reason.

And it begs the question for me -- why can't you take one of these stair rigs out on the open road? It looks like a pretty sturdy vehicle to me. I mean, unless you got a bunch of punks and broads runnin' around and playing grab-ass on the stairs or something, I see no reason for these cars to be illegal on the roads.

Besides, I see crap out on the street all the time that has less justification for being there than that stair car. I'm talking Smart Cars, Volts, skid steers, riding lawnmowers, golf carts, horse-drawn buggies, you name it. I've seen all those monstrosities on Kansas City thoroughfares in recent years.

So leave this worker alone, I say. He should receive no traffic citations nor workplace discipline. Especially if he brought some of that pie back and shared it with the co-workers.

Monday, July 1, 2013

HATE: "26 Percent of Obama Supporters Believe tea party Is America's Top Terror Threat"! What Al Qaeda?

In my never-ending experience with leftist 20 percenters and deranged right-wingers basically hating anyone and everyone who's not one of them, I saw this absurd item in recent days: 26 percent of leftists consider tea partiers to be the biggest terrorist threat to the United States!

Never mind that I can't recall any tea party freak ever committing an act of terror. Never mind the sort of mass murder and destruction that Al Qaeda and radical Islam have shown themselves fully capable of perpetrating right here on American soil.

Nope. Forget that stuff. The real domestic threat to knock out some city buildings or to set off some dirty bombs are those damn pesky tea partiers!

Of course, the right-winger tea partiers are certainly many things (including largely irrelevant these days, bad spellers, etc.).  But a terror threat -- let alone Threat Numero Uno to the US -- is simply not among those things.

In short, only a hateful little moron would think otherwise. A blind man. A group-thinker. An embecile. A simple-minded sort. But if the shoe fits, right leftists?