Monday, April 30, 2012

"Illegal Dumping": Maryland Man Busted for Alleged Shitting Spree in Yards and Driveways All Across Town!

This guy needs to change his diet or something. Too much roughage. Because apparently he has difficulty ever going more than 15 or 20 minutes without taking a damn shit!

He's 48-year-old Kelly Ervin of Salisbury, Maryland, and he's suspected of doing the number two on people's property from one side of town to the other (link to full story at bottom). But wouldn't ya know, dude has a doozy of a doo-doo defense...

Ervin basically claims that he just can't help himself. He told cops that he goes running early every morning, and he says that whenever he hits the two-mile mark on his daily run, "he has to have a bowel movement."

Never after a mile-and-a-half or two-and-a-half miles, mind you. Nope,them bowels start 'a breakin' down right at that two mile marker every single time! Thus, he claims, he "defacates wherever his 2 mile mark is" and has been doing so "for over 20 years."

Cops reportedly bought that shitty story at first and let this dumpin' dandy off the hook late last month with only a warning. And he may have gotten away with that it too, if not for that pesky meddling home security camera...

All bets were off several days later, when Ervin was reportedly caught on tape exiting his Jeep to go lay down a cow patty on a local resident's driveway. (No word whether the vehicle had traveled exactly two miles from Ervin's home at the time of the incident).

This time, the proud pooper Ervin chalked it up to a "pain in his stomach" that forced him to pull over and take a dump at the nearest residence. And while Ervin reportedly did bring along (and use) some toilet paper on his little alleged poop patrol, he also allegedly tossed the feces-stained paper all over the owner's driveway after finishing his dirty piece of work!

Now cops have tossed the TP roll at Ervin, charging him with the misdemeanor crime of "dumping under 100 pounds." And I take from that description that if a person shat OVER 100 pounds, the crime would escalate to a felony.

So 100 pounds to up them charges, uh? He did admit he's been crappin' in yards for over 20 years, no? Sounds like some serious total poop poundage. Shit for thought.

Friday, April 27, 2012

"Mainstream" Media: Marco Rubio as VP Pick Would Be "Another" Sarah Palin. Translation: Please (PLEASE!) Pick Someone Else, Romney!

Expect in upcoming days and weeks a steady stream of leftist pundits and "mainstream" media members to liken gop-er Florida Senator and right-winger Marco Rubio to Sarah Palin -- advice posited as a good-faith "warning" that Romney would be wise to pick someone else for VP.  But as noted at the top, the very simple translation is as follows: The last person the democrat party wants to see as Romney's VP selection is Marco Rubio.

I've already spotted a couple such articles late this week (links at bottom).  CBS News' John Dickerson: "Marco Rubio is this election's Sarah Palin."  MSNBC's Joe Scarborough (and yes, I realize he's an ex-gop-er congressman): "Rubio is not ready to be vice president . . . just like Sarah Palin."

And truth be told, the left-slanted "mainstream" media, the democrat party, and such party's leftist 20 percenter base have plenty of reason to fear Rubio. In short: Comparing him to Palin is like the proverbial comparison of Chocolate Mousse to cow dung.

Say what you want about Rubio (he's way too far to the right for my tastes), but he sure as hell ain't no Sarah Palin. Dude's a true rising star in a business (politics) that's constantly anointing false "rising stars." He has consistently struck me as a very talented and smart right-wing speaker, thinker and politician (and I don't dole out compliments, even somewhat backhanded ones like that, lightly or very often). The deranged right-wingers are incessantly searching and clamoring about for their next Reagan. Rubio, when it's all said and done, might be it.

To me, the only valid comparison between Rubio and the nutty, shrill-voiced (yet very hot) Sarah Palin would be justified criticism and/or concern over youth and inexperience.  But let's see: Who's that individual who's been masquerading around the White House as a "president" for the past four years? Any democrat party attack campaign aimed at Rubio's experience level will be utterly laughable (not that the same will stop the leftists from said endeavor, because it won't).

Rubio's the real deal, and that (plus his Hispanic ancestry and the fact he'll energize the right-winger base) is the reason why (as stated) he's the last person the democrat party wants to see on Romney's ticket.  So let the "warnings" about Rubio begin and ensue from various media members and democrat partisans so seemingly concerned about Romney making a poor choice for VP. Such generosity and charity, these leftists!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Kiss Of Death? democrat party Ex-Pres Jimmy Damn Carter Says He'd Be "Comfortable" with Mitt Romney as President! With Endorsements Like That...

...who needs political opponents? (Link to full story at bottom).

For the record, Carter does say that he'd prefer someone from the democrat party in the White House, but he also says he'd have no problem with the Mittster...

Said JDC: "I would be comfortable [with Romney]. I think Romney has shown in the past . . . as a moderate or progressive that he was fairly competent as a governor." The old guy tosses in that Romney is also "a good solid family man and so forth."

Carter -- who does not get along with the Clintons and always seems to be the most estranged member of the Ex-Presidents Club -- is sure to rile up both the leftist 20 percenters and the deranged right-wingers with his above comments...

I can already hear Markos Moulitsas at Daily Kos dropping F-bombs over Carter describing Romney as a "progressive." And the right-winger gop-ers aren't going to like that either -- nor the term "moderate," which is the very description that has made the gop-er right-wing base so slow to warm to Romney as the republic partisan nominee.

But at the end of the day, who really gives a rat's ass what any of those extremist partisan ideologue freaks on either side think. If I was Romney, I'd be a lot more concerned with the fact that I've just received a near-endorsement from the worst president of my lifetime not named W or Barry. That REALLY can't bode too well for November, I gotta thinks.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Hot Under the Collar: Climate Change Leftist Calls For the Homes of Man-Made Global Warming Skeptics to be Burned Down. What an Awful Suggestion...

...Just think of all the extra carbon emissions that'll come spewing off those various house fires. Carbon Dioxide City. Carbon Monoxide Madness. Tell me, Steve Zwick (pictured above), as you do your best Talking Heads impersonation: Why not instead just take a Titanic-sized flamethrower and blast a giant hole through the damn ozone layer? And this guy claims to be an environmentalist.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

"Obama Prepares to Campaign on Student Loans": Is There Any Political Action He Takes Not Aimed At 2012 Interest Groups Vs. Looking Out for Us All?

So much for the individual who ran (and won solely because of his BS rhetoric) as the "great ["moderate"] uniter" in 2008. The man who would bring all Americans together. No red states. No blue ones. Just purple ones, or whatever spew his minions barked out. The greatest political figure since sliced bread, as all my leftist 20 percenter family members and "friends" (NOT) all liked to describe him (still, I didn't vote for him, or for Tired Old Man McCain either, for the record).

But once inaugurated -- he's been everything but the "great uniter." Everything's been Chicago Way political machine, pure politics, pure divisiveness, pure ugliness, pure leftist 20 percenter, 24-7, ALL day, every day. NEVER ANY initiative, proposal or movement aimed at improving the best interests of the American people as a whole (such as any kind of serious deficit and debt reducing plan of any sort). Nope. Never ANYTHING like that from the "great uniter."

Instead, a whole lot worse: Some of the most bitter, extreme leftist, and country tearing-apart rhetoric and talking points that I have ever heard from any prominent political figure in my lifetime -- let alone from a damn sitting president. (I don't call him the equal worst president of my lifetime along with W Bush for nothing, after all).

Obama is these days a completely pathetic and sad political figure -- just clinging desperately to power, based upon the politics of hatred and trying to divide the country along ugly racial, national, sex, income and age lines. He takes no political action or position other than ones aimed at diverting attention away from his awful domestic policies and results of the past 4 years, in order to divide and conquer the American electorate. And I repeat: NEVER anything aimed at the best interests of the American people as a whole, even as a matter of conscience from a decent man of good will (which he clearly is NOT).

The sad part? The "great uniter" doesn't even need to get so ugly. Running against an extremely weak and stand-for-nothing gop-er opponent like Romney, the individual we currently have as president could easily win without inhabiting in 2012 the putrid leftist gutter that has been his presidency for 4 very long years. But guess that's the way the leftist (or right-winger, as the case may be) swings: Just can't help his slimy-ass self.

Monday, April 23, 2012

I Gotta Give One Thing to These Secret Service Agents: They Do Have an Eye for the Hot Broad & the Nice Rack...

...This after the revelations in recent days of (1) the Secret Service agents' Colombian hooker scandal involving "escort" Dania Suarez (first and third pictures above) and other hoes, and (2) one of those same agents admitting that he liked to "check out" and stare at Sarah Palin's ass when assigned to protect her. (Links at bottom).

Hell, I'd be checking out those two little numbers (Palin and Suarez) too if given the opportunity. They Be Hot! Hotter than a brown dog tick in an Alabama shithouse in the middle of August. To Protect and Serve, baby! Damn pesky security breaches.

Friday, April 20, 2012

After Lesbian Kiss Pic, You Should "Trash Your Teen's New Urban Outfitters Catalog Today"? Screw That. I'd Be Looking Forward to the Next Edition!

The young models smoochin' above (and below) are from Urban Outfitters' new April catalog, and there's no indication whatsoever that either of the ladies is underage. So what's the big damn deal? But don't trying telling that to right-winger group "One Million Moms"!

The social conservative group is going after Urban Outfitters with all of its right-wing gusto (link at bottom), urging parents across the country to "trash your teen's new Urban Outfitters catalog today!"

The quasi-boycott movement (amazing how much right-wingers and leftist 20 percenters alike seem to love business boycotts) is also imploring people nationwide to flood Urban Outfitters with angry e-mail complaints.

This deranged right-winger outfit OMM (which previously tried to boycott JCPenney for using a lesbian as a spokesman -- can't have that!) is also asking e-mailers to threaten a boycott of Urban Outfitters and is demanding that Urban Outfitters "apologize."

OMM complains that the catalog targets teens and therefore shouldn't use any girlie smoocheroo pics. Hey, if you have a problem with homosexuality and/or with your teen being exposed to the fact that homosexuals kiss each other, that's your prerogative: You're free to prevent your teen from taking or keeping the catalog. But why would you feel the compelling need to impose that outcome and viewpoint on every other parent out there through a boycott?

It's a parent's job to filter the images and speech to which his/her kids are exposed. So do your job, and worry about your own damn kids. And let other parents worry about theirs. Believe it or not, right-wingers and leftists: You really DON'T know what's best for everyone else's kids.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Whiskey Bottles, Baseball Bats, and a Good Running Over: New Mexico Woman Allegedly Goes Ape on Boyfriend (With Truck & Weapons) Over a Damn T-Shirt!

He just wanted to get his drink on with the old lady. But apparently there was something about his shirt she didn't like. Or there was some shirt he wouldn't give her. Or he failed to compliment her on her shirt. Regardless, a T-shirt was involved -- and it was for some reason at the heart of things when all hell broke loose...

The boyfriend of 34-year-old Agapita Ramos (pictured above) was reportedly sipping on a few brewskies in Ramos' Chevy pickup truck late last month when the shirt-shit hit the fan. The disagreement over the shirt allegedly became so heated (as most shirt arguments tend to do) that Ramos told her old man to get the hell out the truck and hoof it home himself.

That seemed OK with boyfriend, although he sure as hell wasn't going to leave that 18-pack of beer and whiskey bottle in the ride! But when he went to grab the booze, Ramos instead allegedly grabbed the whiskey bottle and clocked the boozin' boyfriend right in the mush! And that was just for starters...

Boyfriend was at least able to retrieve his beer, but as he started to walk home with his brew, he says he "heard the revving of the truck's engine" behind him. Eventually satisfied apparently that the truck was fully "revved up," Ramos next allegedly drove the truck right at boyfriend and ran him right over! (No word whether she got the 18-pack too).

The run-over left boyfriend with a leg pinned under the truck -- the sort of prone position which Ramos was allegedly prepared to take full advantage of. Cops say Ramos then grabbed a big baseball bat and started beating the helpless, trapped boyfriend about the head with it!

Boyfriend for his trouble reportedly got messed up something real bad, requiring reconstructive surgery on his right arm. Meantime Ramos is being held down at the hoosegow on aggravated battery charges. And good news for the hacks down there who will have to dress Ramos: Those orange jumpsuits are all one piece -- no shirt involved.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

"Angry Roman Centurions Besiege Colosseum"!!!

Looks like I picked the wrong damn week to start attending gladiator events.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Civility: democrat party Head of the Maine Legislature's "Moderate Caucus" Calls for Former republic partisan V.P. Dick Cheney to be EXECUTED...

Now if that's what the democrat party calls a "moderate," I'd hate to meet in person one of their more left-leaning members!

Maybe that's why the leftist 20 percenters will argue all night long that Obama (arguably the most left-wing president in American history) is a "moderate" -- which to me (and any other reasonable human being) is a statement as psychotic as claiming to be Napoleon Bonaparte.

And that's why it's largely a waste of my time to ever try speaking with a leftist. Try communicating sometime with a person who has completely different definitions for the most common of words (see, e.g., "moderate" and "is") than 80% of the rest of the population...

It ain't easy, I'm here to tell ya. So I've largely retired from the endeavor. Time can be spent on so much more productive uses. Such as swallowing hemlock or trying to carry on a conversation with a Mississippi shithouse.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Look at the democrat party Dumpin' All Over My School, the University of Missouri: Is There No Part of Our Lives These People Can Just Leave Alone?

In the news in recent days is the new democrat party strategy to try to compare likely gop-er presidential nominee Mitt Romney to Missouri grad Jon Hamm's "Don Draper" character from the TV show "Mad Men" (link at bottom).

Leaving aside the second grade level of rhetoric trying to score points against a political opponent by comparing him to a pop culture character or TV show, what's WRONG with being like Jon Hamm? Hell, if anything, it's an insult to Hamm to compare him to Romney!

And if the democrat party next starts working Kansas jayhawker smack into its rhetoric (e.g., "Mitt Romney wants to return us to the days of the Missourah slavers"), I'm REALLY gonna get riled up over here.

SOME things should be off-limits in campaigns. Like family. Like educational records (if you're Obama, leastways). And methinks the voters' alma maters should be off-limits too. Lay off Missouri, democrat party. We've suffered enough already in recent weeks, years, decades, lifetimes, etc.

Friday, April 13, 2012

New Study: "Beer Makes Men Smarter" and Better Problemsolvers. Uh...

...I think I'm going to stick to the anecdotal counter-evidence pictured above. Put another way: I ain't buyin'.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

A Racist Under Every Bed, & Now Apparently the Communists Are Back Under There Too: Right-Winger Allen West Claims 80 House democrats Are Communists!

What is it about right-wingers and leftist 20 percenters that always instills in them the apparently incessant need and drive to spread ugly fear and hate-mongering and divisive name-calling 24-7 based upon not a shred of evidence? (Just take their word for it, they implore the mindless).

We've seen this with the constant rhetoric from the leftists over the past 3 years suggesting and/or implying that any opposition to Obama whatsoever must be based in some small or large part on racism. Never mind, of course, that all those racist Americans voted for and elected Obama in the first place by a majority vote.

And Wednesday deranged right-winger gop-er congressman Allen West got in on this unseemly action, saying that he's "heard" and "believes" that there are "78 to 81 members" of the democrat party in the U.S. House "that are members of the Communist Party."

In so doing, West ripped a putrid page from the playbook of disgraced gop-er senator Joseph McCarthy (pictured above) from more than a half-century ago -- the shameless right-wing nut who conducted a series of hearings, based upon little or no real evidence -- designed to "out" alleged American communists in the 1950s.

Now, are there plenty of far leftists in the U.S. House? Most def. But are all (or any, for that matter) of those idiots devout communists? Puh-lease. West's claim was so outlandlish that even the actual American communist party weighed in to object (second link below)! (You'd think said party would be embracing West's complete embellishment of the party's limited influence!).

So there you have it: My mandatory bi-weekly explanation of the big "X" that's struck through the names of both the democrat party and republic partisan party on the ballot at the top of this space. Even if it does apparently make me a racist communist over here.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Smoke Stacked: Nicotine Fiend Air Passenger Allegedly Strips Down Buck Naked When Airport Makes Her Put Down Her Smokes in the Terminal!

I get the addictiveness of smoking cigarettes. Take away them smokes, and a person's liable to get rather antsy and sometimes just downright mad-dog mean. But this has gotta be the first time I've ever heard of someone putting on a makeshift striptease in response to losing her cancer sticks -- not to mention, doing so immediately after she'd just had a damn cigarette (allegedly)!

They say she suffered a "breakdown." It was the Denver Airport, and a young woman was just minding her own business, tokin' on a butt near her Gate. But that plan went up in smoke only too quickly, as damn pesky airport workers soon pounced and forced this puffin' passenger to put out that cigarette in the alleged "non-smoking area."

That's where the "breakdown" came in, say the cops. Forced to ditch her smokes, this butt-lovin' broad (as pictured above from allegedly took to ditching all her stitches and britches, as cops say she broke into an impromptu exotic dance right there outside the Gate!

Faster than a hobo can ask for a light, this threadbare butt teaser was reportedly as naked as an off-brand cigarette carton and struttin' 'round the joint like some sort of underdone peeler. While still stark-naked, she even allegedly tried to obtain a new boarding pass up at the counter (bet she was probably just lookin' to upgrade to First Ass).

But party pooper cops quickly hammered in this little number's coffin nails -- covering up her leafless carcass and hauling it off to a local hospital (for some reason) for mental evaluation. And if I'm one of the shrinks down at that funny farm: First thing I'm doing is confiscating them smokes and just sitting back and enjoying the strip show, baby!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Breastfeeding Your Brat Out in Public: OK. Breaking Into a Home to Breastfeed Someone Else's Kid (Allegedly): Not So OK...

This has to be a new one in the annals of American criminal conduct: Wet Nursing Without Consent (allegedly). But that's exactly what cops in Brookings, South Dakota say happened last weekend. And for some strange unknown reason, cops think alcohol just may have been involved...

The 24-year-old suspect allegedly got an early start on her Sunday breastfeeding, forcing her way into a another mom's home (a stranger) around 5:00 a.m. to give some suck to someone -- anyone, apparently. Cops say this lactating lush intruder promptly scooped up the resident mom's two-month-old tike and started to give the little shit a damn breastfeeding!

When mama discovered this sorry sight, she reportedly called 911 and retrieved her tot from the wayward breastfeeding boozer burgle broad (allegedly). But the gratuitous breastfeeding apparently left this uninvited topless toper tata-feeder quite exhausted, as the intruder allegedly laid down to take a freakin' nap right there in the joint instead of hoofin' her hooters out the scene of the alleged crime!

And there she laid as the cops arrived, who slapped the "rogue lactating lady" with a criminal charge of unlawful occupancy. I just hope that's a misdemeanor charge, since I'd assume that getting one's drink (and breast suck) on down at the hoosegow is somewhat frowned upon.

Monday, April 9, 2012

You Hang in There -- And Don't Go Anywhere: Napping Nutjob Almost Takes a Five-Story Header from the Top of a Building in China!

I can see heading up to the roof of a building to catch a few afternoon rays and a few Z's at the same time. But notice I said on the ROOF: Not on the damn ledge surrounding the roof!

But no such overabundant caution, apparently, for 28-year-old female Yan Yan Ch'eng of the Zhejiang province in China last week (link at bottom). This yawnin' Yan Yan was reportedly so tuckered out that she saw fit to sprawl out on a roof ledge to take a little "nap in the sun."

Being as that she was asleep up there, however, Yan Yan was far more prone to pesky sleep-time behaviors, such as the unconscious rollover. Or, as the Daily Mail put it, she became "a little too relaxed in the midday sun [and] almost rolled off the ledge."

So as fast as one can say "WHOOPS" in Mandarin, this sleepy strange brew was hanging on for dear life from the top of that ledge. But "luckily for the Chinese sunbather," she was able to draw attention to her predicament by "wailing" up a big storm. (Not shouting or yelling, mind you, but "wailing").

Yan Yan's wails reportedly garnered the attention of hundreds of onlookers below, and cops and firemen weren't far behind to yank this Drowsy Daphne up to safety. Cops say her only injury was a skinned knee -- that, and her afternoon nap was positively ruined that day!

Friday, April 6, 2012

The $15.6 Trillion National Debt Is the Most Dire Issue Facing This Country, and Yet Obama Couldn't Care Less. Instead He Cares Most About...

...weighing in on and creating faux national issues out of such pressing matters as prophylactics, local open criminal files, and the policies of the Augusta National Golf Club (link at bottom) -- all as a part of his grand 2012 campaign strategy to divide and conquer the American electorate along racial, ethnic, gender and income "class" lines.

I really can understand people who can't bring themselves to vote for a gop-er (particularly in this year's weak-ass field) for president. Hell, I can only rarely (see 2010) bring myself to vote for one of those right-wing assclowns.

But what I can't get is how any person other than a brainwashed, non-thinking partisan zombie could ever possibly bring himself in 2012 to vote for the individual we currently have as president. He's that awful. The man is a walking Webster's Dictionary illustration for the term, P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C. He's one of the two absolute worst presidents of my lifetime, along with W Bush (and I was alive during Jimmy Damn Carter!).

Never forget: There are other options. Vote for a third party candidate as a protest vote, as I have in every presidential election in which I've voted after 1992.

Or hell, even: Stay home. I for one would rather hang out all day in an Alabama shithouse in early November than ever cast a vote for the individual we currently have as president. My only request would be for a big can of Febreze, if you please (both for said shithouse and for every time I have to listen to our current president's steady stream of horseshit).