Friday, October 30, 2015

Don't Make Book: Right-Winger Slimeball Newt Gingrich Gives "One to Three" Odds Hilary Clinton Will Be Indicted! Highly Wishful Thinking...

Fortunately for all of you, I'm a much better handicapper than fat old deranged right-wingers.  Hilary ain't gettin' indicted over anything, I gots news for ya all. It's a 100-1 shot, and 1's about to get locked in Vince Foster's mausoleum. "One to Three" when the democrat party controls the executive branch and bureaucracy?!? Are ya freakin' kidding me over here?! Why the freak do you think Dizzy Biden wanted no part of runnin'?

But if Sleazerich is such a fan of betting propositions, I have one he can try on for his big plus size: There's a 75% chance Hilary is the next president. (This is today's prediction, of course, and it's subject to "evolving" as days pass like so many Hilary and King Nothing positions on gay marriage).

Why 75% chance, Rager, you may ask?  Ans: Because while the gop-er field may be stronger than 2012, that ain't exactly saying much, and I don't see anyone in the current field strong enough to overcome the sizable demographic advantage the leftist party has in national elections these days. There's a reason why the gop-ers have won only one popular vote in a presidential election since 1988, folks.

I could go on, but you get the gist; besides, methinks me has a few bets to get down, come to think of it. And I heard that I might find my bookie down to the student union playing cards here in a few. I gotta catch him in person, don't'cha know, since he ain't much for talkin' on phones.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Biff the Lout from the "Back to the Future" Films Was Based on Donald Trump? So Says the Films' Writer, and Indeed Many Politicians Have Inspired Fictional & Real-Life Characters & Places...

The Biff/Trump connection doesn't seem like so much of a stretch to me. And certainly no more so than the Hilary Clinton/Nurse Ratched comparison that the right-wingers enjoy conjuring up (also to my amusement).

But what about all the other political slimeballs this election season? They deserve equal time and equal treatment as well, lest they not receive their fair share of attention, as King Nothing in the White House might say.  So here goes:

- Ben Carson: Had to have inspired the "low talker" character on the old "Seinfeld" episode. I've little doubt Carson gets away with spouting his share of deranged right-winger platitudes because no one can make out so well what the hell he just said.

- Bernie Sanders: The grumpy old rumpled-suited Sanders clearly influenced the creation of Larry David's exaggerated self-character on "Curb Your Enthusiasm," not to mention A.A. Milne's Eeyore-the-jackass character from the "Winnie the Pooh" series. I'd personally rather back Piglet for President.

- Marco Rubio: National landmark Niagara Falls was obviously conceived with Rubio in mind, what with its constant perspiration of thousands of cubic feet of liquid per minute, as well as its sourcing for countless refreshing bottled water products nationwide.

- Carly Fiorina: Reminds me a little too much of Demi Moore's bosslady cougar character from the film "Disclosure." Only difference being: That Demi broad can feel free to hit on me any damn time. Carly just needs to keep her paws to herself.

- Joe Biden (even if he ain't runnin'): Serves as a constant inspiration for feeble-minded, onset-dementia peoples everywhere -- even for dead ones like Ronald Reagan.

- His Majesty King Nothing himself: I thought Barry was almost assuredly the basis for the eavesdropping school principal character who later turned into a zombie on the recent season of "Fear the Walking Dead." At least Principal Artie (played by Scott Lawrence) exhibited mostly lucid intervals of humanity prior to becoming a full-fledged ghoul.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Holy Coffin Nails: This Broad & Two Other Ruskie Nicotine Fiends Admit to Robbing a Grave So They Can Get Their Smoke On After Boiling the Stiff's Head to Use as an Ashtray!

For good measure, this tobacco-tokin' threesome also hacked off the dead body's fingers for use as "fortune-telling runes"!

Apparently the authorities over in Russia frown upon this sort of thing.

But not overly much:  These three graveyard goofs won't even have to go cold turkey in the local hoosegow, since they've been set free on suspended sentences.

Relatives of the stiff, however, ain't being quite so lenient, hitting the tombstone trio with a 900,000-rouble (about 15,000 bucks) compensation claim.

Which may make that souped up skull the most expensive fag tray of the modern era.

Next time try hitting the corner smokes store or the Dollar Tree, you zany cancer sticks pricks, ya! I'm bettin' 5-10 bucks will have ya rolling in more ashtrays than a Stalin purge.

Friday, October 16, 2015

So THIS Is What Lamar Odom Was Tryin' to Hit In That Nevada Ho House?

This guy couldn't do any better than THIS?! And now he's lying in a hospital and could die over THIS?!

Talk about some S-L-I-M Pickens! Good Grief.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

CNN Changes Debate Questioning Approach & Debate Length to Make Things Easier on democrat party Candidates Tonight! As a Result, I Won't Be Wasting My Time Watching...

I had planned to watch tonight's democrat party debate and weigh in with the same "Up" or "Down" votes for each candidate as I've done for each of the first two gop-er party debate spectacles.  But then CNN (even for a left-biased "news" outlet) completely insulted my intelligence over here. And now I'm out.  To wit:

1. After 3 hours last month of grilling gop-er party candidates with questions calculated to get the candidates fighting and arguing amongst themselves, CNN announced this week it won't take that approach with the democrat party.  Rather, the democrat party candidates will be handled with kid gloves and softballs, as CNN says it won't use any questioning that "pits" democrat party candidates "against each other." How completely pathetic. Hypocritical lackeys.

2. Adding insult to injury, CNN won't make the democrat party candidates endure the same exhaustingly long 3-hour format that CNN imposed on the gop-ers. CNN announced this debate will only be 2 hours. (This change I actually predicted back in September, since the democrat party field is ancient, with stale old candidates who may be lucky to go even 2 hours without falling asleep at the podium).

I could've stomached the time reduction (hell, I predicted it), but not the astonishingly biased resort of making the questioning easier for the democrat party candidates. So I won't be watching. And I have a sneaking suspicion not too many other people are going to be watching either. Have fun with your continued irrelevance, CNN.

Friday, October 9, 2015

Another Day, Another Installment of Bums Gone Wild: "Homeless Man Chases Girl at Bus Stop"...

If this was typically a crowded bus for the time of day, maybe this hobo was just trying to ensure he'd get a spot? Who are we to judge what this tramp's motivations might have been?

Regardless, cops say they're all over it. They vow to "remain in the neighborhood until he [the hobo] is caught."

But that begs the question: Isn't this vagrant, by his very nature (ya know, homeless and stuff), not wed to any particular neighborhood, let alone this one?

This loafer could've already hopped a train for Jersey for all we know. Or more likely a bus, as the case may be.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Braless Dakota Fanning, Michelle Dockery & Pixie Lott! Braless Is Truly Beautiful...

...So why can't the American leftist 20 percenters ever try to end the bra industry like they target so many other slivers of the private sector? Bras burn with just as rotten a smell as coal, after all! 

No More Bras = A Possible Rager Vote for a democrat party Which I Will Otherwise Never Vote For Again.

And I ain't even 75 years old yet.  Meaning, you need all the voters like me you can get, democrat party, Golden Girls (Hilary, Bernie, & Joe).

So lets ordain those threads off them tatas, leftists!

I'll even entertain and support a topical executive order from you louts and your mentally challenged O Messiah.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Low-Energy Loser: "Jeb Bush Sees Himself as the John McCain of 2016." No Wonder the democrat party Wants Bush to Be the gop-er Nominee!

Not only is "Jeb" Bush an energy-challenged, mealy-mouthed, stand-not-for-much, aging old relic of an awful American political dynasty. Nope. Now I think you have to add to that description the word "Idiot" -- same as brother W!

Because only a bona fide moron would try to compare himself to and emulate the 2008 presidential campaign of Tired Old Man John McCain.

McCain was one of the absolute worst nominees for president that I've seen in my lifetime, right up there with the inept likes of Fritz Mondale and Eyebrows Dukakis.

I mean, Farmer Brown's jackass from the spread down the road could've beaten McCain and his weak-ass campaign in 2008 (unfortunately for all of us, the leftists instead nominated the jackass we currently have as a president, although I digress).

But at least if Bush ends up getting the gop-er nomination (which I see as a long-shot as this point), his Tired Old Man act will have plenty of company from the democrat party nominee -- which is assured to be one of the three Golden Girls (Hilary, Bernie, or Joe) from the classic age of television. (And, BTW, Trump's just as ancient).

To which subject, I've today had an epiphany: Forget term limits; we need to impose some age limits on these two rotten, corrupt political parties.

This ain't so unreasonable in 2015, is it? If you were born in the Big Band Era, then go celebrate that era in the nursing home or hospice or something, and leave presidential politics the hell alone.

And if you would have to gum your state dinner, then please do your gummin' out in a pasture somewhere, sans the White House. Don't worry, you won't be lonely -- Farmer Brown's gotta a great companion for ya, right out there in the same field.