Friday, May 29, 2015

She Ain't Heavy, She's a Hottie: Ballerina Broad Fired from Ballet for Being "Too Fat" Can Feel Free to Turn Pirouettes on Me All. Night. Long!

What do ya have to be, some kind a midget or something, like one of them little horse jockeys, to dance in the god damn ballet? Jesus.

But her misfortune hasn't stopped this Anastasia Volochkova. She appears to have quite the online following, and in the past week took to the Net to show everyone her hot babe bona fides in front of the Indian Ocean. And just take a look at that shit above. Good Grief!

BTW, is one technically "buck naked" if mostly covered with sand? Or does that merely make you "partially nude"? And what if your ass is bare, but partially obscured by virtue of water submergence? Leave me the fuck alone a few minutes so that I may consult my pay-per-view porn channel in my never-ending quest for answers.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Non-Exceptional: Obama's UN Ambassador, Samantha Power, Says Afghanistan Is Better for Women than the USA! But Methinks this Broad Gots a Point...

...I mean, look no farther than the highest levels of American power to prove this skirt's premise...

For years now we've heard how Obama's White House has refused to adopt the same "equal pay" principles that Obama has often spouted, consistently paying female staffers less than their male counterparts.

Then recently we heard that Hilary Clinton embraced the same sexist tendencies on her 2008 presidential campaign, compensating the boys better than the girls.

Since the issue remains relevant, it looks we're going to need someone to gin up the ol' War on Women again in the 2016 presidential candidate debates. Where the fuck's George Stephanopoulos when we really need him?

Friday, May 22, 2015

Damn My Double Vision! "Make-Up Free Zoe Saldana Wears Skintight Leggings as She Works Up a Sweat at the Gym in Hollywood" -- Or So Someone Seems to be Observing, Leastways...

Frankly, who the fuck's lookin' at the make up, face, or leggings?!?

This broad's gotta perky little near-perfectamundo rack for which I'd gladly trade 1000 Alabama shithouses, even given the goin' rate on scrap iron and lumber.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Thank You, King Joffrey: Obama Ordains From On High in Recent Days that "We're Going to Have to Change How the Media Reports." And Frankly, I Couldn't Agree More...

To wit: All the fawning. The hero worship. The ass-kissing. The zealous advocacy. The free ride. The choreographed questions. The blissful ignoring. The cute, cuddly curtsies...

For seven long years, Obama's enjoyed all the benefits and advantages of a national media much more concerned with taking Obama's side and protecting him than actually, you know, letting some journalism break out or something.

So like the proverbial broken watch is nearly always correct twice a day, Obama has me agreeing with him over here: We're going to have to change how this damn media reports (just like we need to change people's religious beliefs, as Hilary astutely observed recently). After all, this whole freedom of press, speech, and religion thing is getting WAY overrated nowadays, don't 'cha agree?

Thursday, May 14, 2015

"GOD I WANT YOU RIGHT NOW": Missouri gop-er House Speaker & Aspiring Lyricist John Diehl Resigns Over "Sexually Charged Exchanges" with Joplin College Freshman Intern Broad!

Reading these texts (link at bottom), I was just waiting for this 49-year-old Diehl to purport to break into song or something, like a poor fat white man's Marvin Gaye. Hell, he's already got some smooth lyrics in the can:

- "Once I start I don't stop"

- "Will have my way with you"

- "And leave you quivering"

- "You will be in good hands"

- "God I want you right now"

- "Laying in bed looking at your pic"

- "I was thinking ab[o]ut what you said you wear to bed"

- "I am soooo distracted right now . . ."

- ". . . You would be in trouble if you were here."

But fledgling Motown career aside, really the only unresolved question in my mind is this:

Did this John Diehl leave things at inappropriate texting, or did his John Thomas make an appearance at some juncture, a la Diehl's democrat party versions, Bill Clinton and Anthony's Weiner?

Which itself hatches an idea for what could be the next big thing in popular music: I'm thinking of a new supergroup with Diehl on lead vocals, Clinton gettin' a saxophone puff, and Weiner flouting his flute. Just call 'em the Kumstain Trio.
More Sexual Healing:

Postscript:  Another great post suggest by Not Yo' Baby Mama!  Thank You, Not Mama!

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

This Broad Can Reyna My Parade Any Day: "Time Lapse Video Charts the Evolution of Mexican Beauty Over the Last 100 Years." And I Know the Decade I'm Hittin'!

The ongoing "100 Years of Beauty" series from is now featuring hot little number Reyna Marquez dolled up just like they did it in various decades past. And after considering all of this model Reyna's various looks from the past and present, it ain't an easy decision (just how gorgeous is that 1910 Clay Basket look from Centennial?), but I've made one...

That's right, I'll take a piece of 1980s Reyna! Good Grief, does that dish look healthy and ready to go! And she ain't the only one. So excuse me now while I go hit the shitter. Megots some deep thoughts to collect.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

AP Poll: "Decisive Majority of Americans View [Hilary] Clinton as Dishonest," Including More Than 60% of Independents. But How Can that Possibly Be?

Ans: While admittedly politically ignorant to the hilt, the American people are not, overall, outright stupid -- even if leftist 20 percenters believe the precise opposite.

And please spare me, Hilary, the usual attacks on the source and messenger. This is the Associated Press -- not exactly a bastion of right-winger propaganda over there.

Friday, May 1, 2015

Supreme Dork: At Gay Marriage Arguments this Week, Right-Winger Justice Alito Asks If 2 Dudes & 2 Ladies Are Entitled to a Foursome Marriage Under the Constitution. Obvious Answer: Depends...

Depends on a lot. Like after matrimony, would the two broads be hookin' up directly?

On videotape?

Would they let each guy do a threesome with the two of 'em?

Is one or both of these tootses screamers?

What are their views on leg and hand restraints?

Hows about yafflin' the ol' yogurt cannon?

Are we talkin' terrific tits, or lumbering lard vats?

Asses that shake like a salt shaker, or an old barrel hoop?

In sum, how the fuck can I say whether two dudes should be allowed to marry a couple 'a broads if I know absolutely nothing about said skirts?

Alito oughta go back to law school or something. After his half-baked hypothetical, he strikes me as a couple pubes short of a Clarence Thomas.