Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Why Couldn't She Have Signed It?!? CNN Anchor Carol Costello Recalls Fondly the Good Ol' Days When Michelle Obama "Signed the Hunger-Free Kids Act Into Law"...

Reportedly, only the elected president himself can technically schmecnilly sign bills into law, but isn't that just a short-sighted technicality?  To this one, telling Michelle she can't sign bills into law would be akin to telling Queen Elizabeth she has no authority to legally act simply because she's a woman...

Methinks Michelle's old man needs to sign an executive order making it perfectly clear that his wife has just as much power and right to sign things into law as he does.  Any other result is purely sexist and misogynist, smacking more of a gop-er led War on Women than anything resembling a contemporary constitutional mandate.  Just ask Carol Costello and her other fellow network news anchors everywhere.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Holy Juice Jugs: When Did It Become Newsworthy For Some Broad to Sashay Around in Public Holding a Bottle of Green Slime?!?

ANS: When Kelly Brook recently left her front door wearing that outfit, that's when.

The British actress and model was photographed strutting around the streets of L.A. after reportedly purchasing her fill of green slime at some joint called The Pressed Juicer (link below).

Now, we here at T.I.R. have known for quite some time that this luxuriant lassie has a great rack, and it's evident from her choice of get-ups that she's quite apprised of the situation too.

And ya know, there are ways of not sellin' the whole farm there, Kelly. But NO, some people just gots to flaunt it, don't they?!?  OK then! We get it! We know! We're aware! You've got big tits! Get over yourself, already, Vegetable Cans!

And while you're at it, keep them bottles a green slime the hell away from this one.  Rager Don't Pound Puree.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Ass Is Out: "Pervert Dads" Reportedly Have 17-Year-Old Broad with "Big Ass" Booted Right Outta Prom Night For Allegedly Shakin' That Ass Like a Salt Shaker in "Provocative" Attire!

She's 17-year-old high school senior Clare Hettinger of Richmond, Virginia, and that's her ass and pic above, from the Gawker website and a recent blog post by Clare.  She says a bunch of horny old dads at the senior prom absolutely ruined her prom night by causing her to get run from the joint simply for having too nice an ass!

These "pervert dads," apparently only too happy to stare at this underaged broad's ass, still reportedly complained that the ass was "arousing impure thoughts" in them because the ass wasn't adequately covered and the ass was shaking around in a most "provocative" fashion out there on the dance floor! So they promptly gave this muffin ass dame her walking papers right out the joint!

But False Accusations, says Miss Teen Ass! Clare claims her dress conformed to the school's "fingertip length" dress code rule, that other shorter broads had even shorter dresses (Clare is 5'7"), and that she wasn't even dancing for chrissakes!

Says this Bad Ass Offender:  "Goddamn I'm not responsible for some perverted 45 year old dad lusting after me because I have a sparkly dress on and a big ass for a teenager. And if you think I am, then maybe you're part of the problem!"

I've just three observations here:

- First, if these horny pervert dads were so damn enamored with this broad's ass, then why the hell were they complaining?  Shut the fuck up and enjoy the show, already, ya dirty old bastards!

- Second, if you must stare at a 17-year-old's ass, then keep your damn trap shut about it!  Case you hadn't a noticed, she's underaged, and that shit ain't cool.  At.  All.

- Finally, a little PSA:  Kids -- Never take the Lord's name in vain.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Ghost Busted: "Paranormal Activity" Actress Claims She Was Raped by a Spirit, But Thoroughly Enjoyed the Experience!

Says the above-pictured Natasha Black about the night she got banged by a specter:  "At first I was very confused then I decided to relax and it was really pleasurable, I really enjoyed it!"  This ghost groupie even claims the same ghost came back for seconds a month later! (Link below)

But if you think about it, this ain't all so far-fetched. In my own checkered past, I've been known to do a little ghost hunting and graveyard gravy-trainin' myself, and I've had my own bad experiences with the undead fucking around with me like they did with Natasha. A few instances that I can repeat:

- Around 1992, this one ghoul whipped out a big buggy whip and started lashing me over and over right across my ass. I decided to submit and just lie there and take it, even spouting, "Thank you, Casper, may I have another?" It wasn't a bad time, truth be told.

- In the mid-90s, another spirit took to beating me about my breasts, head and genitalia with an over-sized oven mitt filled with arcade tokens. I got two tokens stuck up my nose and couldn't ride my jackass, Frank, for over a month.

- After a particularly wild night out to the bars in the early 2000s, I woke up in the graveyard to the awful feeling of a rather large male hobgoblin trying to have sex with my left ear. He hadn't protected himself, so I pulled off and got the hell outta there. No Glove, No Love, dude.

- In the mid-2000s, a female dominatrix apparition showed up with a tub of lard and tried to goo the sticky stuff all over my bare body and ass while singing Danke Shane and beating me senseless with a riding crop. Tired of being victimized by these creepers, I grabbed a meat tenderizer and bashed that crazy S-and-M spirit right in her fuckin' order-barking piehole.

- Just in the past couple a years, a specter whom I swear was the ghost of Teddy Kennedy possessed my car with me in it, loaded up some broad in there, and tried to drive our asses right off the Broadway Bridge into the Missouri River. Luckily this car-jackin' demon was all liquored up at the time and passed out trying to negotiate the ride over the east guard rail. If only Mary Jo Kopechne or Natasha Black had been so lucky!

Friday, May 9, 2014

W-T-F?!? Model Cara Delevingne Refuses to Get Tongue Tied Around "BFF" & Bradley Cooper Girlfriend Suki Waterhouse!

Hey, if this hot little number Cara ever wants to lick my armpit in the shower or lap the side of my face like a freakin' dog, then I'm into it over here!

While I ain't into overly gabby broads, I also like ones whom I need not ever ask why the cat's got their tongue.

I would only ask that she put that thing away once I lay my head down to sack out.  Kids: Never lay a warm snake on a grown man while he's sleepin'.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

"Obama Supporters: Not Liking Mexican Food Is Racist." But Does That Mean That LIKIN' Mexican Food Absolves One of All His Racism?

Look it.  I don't like Obama's policies.  I don't like him personally.  There's not a thing about that individual that I care too much for. To boot, he's one of the two worst presidents of my lifetime (pretty much tied with W Bush).  So this is my starting point:  I'm obviously a racist...

But then I see this recent item (link below) where Obama supporters are caught on video likening a disdain for Mexican food to good ol' fashioned racism.  Here's the thing:  I LOVE Mexican food! So what am I really?!?

Since I was a young strappin' lad of 20-something age, I've been taking my Kraut-Mick honkey ass down there to the Taco Bell and polishing off 4-5 bean burritos in a single sitting, and washing it all down with a Nachos Supreme. And not just that joint...

In my time, I've done 'em all, baby! I'm talkin' now-defunct (or nearly defunct) Mexican joint chains like Taco Tico, Taco Palace, El Sombre's, In A Tub, Taco Barrel-Ass, and Taco Gringo (as the jingle went in the stereotypical Mexican accent, "Have a Taco, Gringo!").

Does my love of everything taco sauce, nacho cheese, and Bell Burger (yes, I can recall when that was still on the TB menu) absolve and wash away all of my other obvious racism for being an Obama opponent?  What if I were to tell you that I really like Chinese food too? As well as, dare I say it, Pakistani?!?

So C'mon, what's my label, leftists?!? Sticking trite, hateful little labels on human beings is what you and right-wingers are best at, so what's mine? Part-time racist? A racist for certain purposes? A switch-racist? Bi-racist? Tranny racist?

See, I need to know who I am, damn it. I need to know my place in this world. And some high, unending leftist wisdom in this regard would be so appreciated...

Maybe I could start by seeking out and asking the people on the video (the linked video, mind you, not "THE Video" that caused Benghazi) and see what those people gots to say. I'll come in peace, totin' a big sack a burritos, chalupas and gorditas for one and all. And don't worry, I won't forget the Fire Sauce.

Friday, May 2, 2014

OH MY!!! Rihanna Outdoes Herself Yet Again, Bares Full Nips & Ass for French Magazine!

Last time I checked in here with Rihanna, she was smokin' some cigarettes and showin' some bare ass as she paddled about on a surfboard somewhere on the ocean. I thought those were some of the hottest shots I've seen of this hyper-hottie singer broad. At least until now...

That's her above on the cover of French magazine Lui, and Good Grief -- I Surrender! But apparently that cover shot, the above ass shot, and other topless and assless pics from the same shoot didn't go over so well with the right-winger-like prudes over at Instagram (links below)...

Instagram promptly yanked down the photos right after Rihanna posted them there!  The bastards even shut down her account for awhile after she posted the pics! Killjoys.

But thanks in advance to the folks at Instagram for letting me know about one heavily trafficked website out there that I need not bother visiting or exploring for the first time. Methinks me'll pass. Life's too short to be bored or boring. But I digress.

As for Rihanna, I must say that I am a bit disappointed that she's apparently given up her cancer sticks. Is there any cooler broad in the civilized world than a hot little number who smokes like a fish and likes to get her drink on?

So Hey Rihanna:  Rager'd be happy to mail ya a carton a Luckies to help ya jump back off the ol' tobacco wagon. Just shoot me an address over here! Go 'head, shoot!