Friday, October 31, 2014

Halloween Treat: "If I Want Casual Sex, I'll Do It!," Proclaims "Gone Girl" & "Blurred Lines" Broad Emily Ratajkowski, Posting Hot New Twitter Pic!

The 23-year-old model/actress further spouts to Cosmopolitan:  "I feel lucky that I can wear what I want, sleep with who I want, and dance how I want, and still be a feminist." [Shouldn't that be "whom," BTW?]

Adds this budding nuclear scientist for further amplification:  "If I want to have casual sex, I'll do it! I'm not the girl who will handcuff someone the first time I sleep with him. But I'm also not going to cry during sex because I think it is so romantic."

Now, while I was tempted at first blush to react to all this with, "Where can I sign up baby!," this hot little number's invocation of such notions as handcuffings and having a good cry during sex gives me more than just a little pause...

You see, Rager hates doll drama and forced confinements. Those things are kind of a real downer. So sorry, toots. You're just gonna have to look elsewhere for your next slut slough.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

SNAPSHOT: Nebraska High School Allows Students to Pose With Guns in School Pictures! Where Were Some of These Lax Restrictions When I Was a Schoolboy?

Ordained recently by the Broken Bow, Nebraska, School District: 17 and 18-year-old students may pose with weapons (and presumably other props) in their school pics just so long as the pics "don't depict violence towards humanity"...

Now, much like Michelle ObamaMeals, the banning of corporal punishment, and the renaming of offensive terms like "Halloween party" and "Christmas break," this new gun initiative again takes American schools in a direction I would've thunk unfathomable a few decades ago.

But what the hell do I know over here? ALL in the name of "Progress" and "conser*ative values," right? Just wish I was still in high school to take advantage. Adhering closely to the new Broken Bow policy, here's some of the directions I might've taken my senior photos:

- Pose with a big pair of brass knuckles:  I figure I fully comply with the policy as long as I keep my arm and fist limp at my side like a ragdoll. A raised pair of knucks, in contrast, might be construed as a threat towards humanity.

- Utilize a Glock 22 handgun, complete with silencer:  I might holster the sidearm, but the silencer would present difficulties with that. So instead I'd simply place it harmlessly on a decorative pedestal next to me. How quaint!

- Brandish an unsheathed Samurai sword:  It could be part of a harmless "Games of Thrones" motif, incorporating for good measure a midget and one of those Ned Stark dummy heads from Season 1 that looks like W Bush. [And no opposition here to an Obama rodeo clown mask, just for fairness, Yael Abouhalkah.]

- Blast off a Civil War cannon as the camera flashes:  It ain't violence, after all, if I don't aim the artillery at anyone in particular.

- Include a couple of broads from down to the local titty bar:  No violence towards humanity there, lest you count their meat puppets as loaded weapons.

- Depict Hot Teacher paddlin' my ass with a 2X4:  It wouldn't be a real swat, and besides Rager's been a naughty boy who could use a little correction (and more than just a good talking-to).

The possibilities here, it would seem, are endless. Don't even get me started on buggy whips and riding crops.

Friday, October 24, 2014

I Am Getting SICK & TIRED of All the Smartphone Pics & Midwest Belly-Achin' Over the Michelle ObamaMeals in the Local Schools...

...Don't these pessimistic little punks and their un-progres*ive parents realize that if they were in Syria or Somalia or Iraq right about now, these would be the best meals they'd get to shove down their peon pieholes all month long!?!?

So shut the fuck up and eat your cauliflower and prune juice, ya bitterly clingin' flyover ingrates, ya.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Deadbeat democrat? "Obama's JPMorgan Credit Card Denied at Restaurant on New York City Trip." The Outrage!

How dare JPMorgan!  Just because Obama's America can no longer pay its bills does NOT mean that Obama on a personal level shouldn't still be extended credit... 

Here's how it is: I've never read or known Obama to be a big spender or debt accumulator when it comes to his own jack. This One Percenter Dude's worth way north of 10 million bucks for Chrissakes!

And while Obama and predecessor W Bush may be the two most irresponsible, shameless and destructive spenders of your money that the country has ever seen, that hardly translates to Obama's own credit rating, which I would imagine is quite stellar.

My one inescapable conclusion here is that JPMorgan is obviously racist and really could use a good IRS audit or Federal Reserve investigation. Where the hell's Eric Holder and Lois Lerner when we really need them?

Friday, October 17, 2014

I'm SO Close: Stacking Up With "The Five Things Jennifer Lawrence Is Looking For in a Boyfriend"...

Hey, Rager can hang! In November's Vanity Fair, the recent nude-photo-leaked (and Hunger Games and American Hustle star) Jennifer Lawrence divulged the five prerequisites that she has before a dude can become her old man, and I ain't too shabby on this shit!  Check it:

1. A Guy Who Likes Reality Television:  I'm there, babe! From "Amish Mafia" to "The Devils Ride" (and maybe even a few others in between), just paint me a Reality TV-watchin' fool!

2. A Guy Who Will Fart in Front of Her:  Five words: Five bean burritos, one sitting. I gots this broad covered!

3. Not Gluten-Free:  Wouldn't I first have to know what "gluten" is before I could possibly be free of it?  Regardless, feel "free" to call me the Gluten Glutton!

4. Love of Larry David:  No need for me to even primp and posture on this one:  "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Seinfeld" are two of my favorite shows ever. Titmouse!

5. Someone Who Doesn't Argue:  Oh, Fuck! I'm OUT. To me, life is just one big argument! One never-ending expression of disrespect for the bullshit opinions of others. But I was golden on #1 through #4. So while wedding bells may not be in store, hows a bouts we just be friends with benefits, Jen?

Friday, October 10, 2014

Book Me, Dana! Hot Little Number Cop Reportedly Has Criminals "Clamoring" for Her to Tackle, Pat Down & Throw Her Busty Book at 'Em!

Pics are from this flat-footed floozy's recent appearance on the street investigating a jewel heist.

In tow, this legal lassie sported a hot "form-fitting top, the tightest white pants she could buy, and . . . a pair of cowboy boots." Rounding out her total package were her three big guns, including the one she had holstered on her hot little waist.

BTW, it's never too late in life for a dude to pull his first bank job, is it?

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Louse President: Mentally Challenged Joe Biden "Overstates Deaths in Joplin Tornado by 160839." Let's Just Call This Idiot "DAN"!

161 were killed in Joplin.  But according to Joe Biden, it was 161,000. And I betcha this fool can't spell "potato" either. Or even "chains" for that matter. And this on the heels of two other ill-advised Biden statements over the weekend (both of which he was forced to walk back) insulting American allies in the Middle East.

How ironic is it that the leftist democrat party's conquering heroes of six years ago -- Biden and the individual we currently have as a president -- have turned out to be just as ill-qualified, incompetent, unintelligent, and downright shameful as the two worst bozos that the gop-ers have put up in my lifetime: W Bush and Dan Quayle.

Someone please explain to me why a majority of the people in this country still insist on voting for one of these two rotten parties and the slimeballs they offer up as candidates?

Regardless, I can't follow along. I won't vote for horseshit. And Mr. Biden is a six-foot pile.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Cajun Clambake: Two High School English Teachers in Louisiana Busted for Allegedly Having a THREESOME with 16-Year-Old Male Student!

This may be the most proficient English student in human history:  He diagrammed both of their sentences for 'em. At the same time! (Allegedly)...

Cops in Destrehan, Louisiana say those two cute little blonde numbers (33-year-old Shelley St. Pierre Defresne and 23-year-old Rachel Respess) took a ride on the three-way freeway with the 16-year-old lad and EVEN had him VIDEO the encounter!  Seems the boy's in Mrs. Defresne's class this year and was in Miss Respess' class last year.

Now, when she's not building a meat sandwich with a fellow teacher and a kid half her age (allegedly), Mrs. Defresne reportedly likes to spend time with the "three beautiful children" that she and her old man have at home. Wonder what this boy-bangin' broad (allegedly) told her 3 little punks on the night in question? "Mommy's gotta go split some wood, kids -- be back in an hour"???

As for reaction from the school:  A threesome incident like this "is something we don't like to see happen because it's a distraction," said school board member Al Suffrin. "It gets in the way of what our core business is." So, never mind the impact on the kid -- How the hell are the other students supposed to buckle down with a menage a trois in their midst?!?

But now these two Beowulf-beltin' clam cousin English teachers (allegedly) may have to get their trifecta fanny jaffle on down at the local hoosegow, "Orange Is the New Black" style...

After their alleged love wedge bragged up his teacher triumvirate to fellow students, cops slapped both of these french braid floozies (allegedly) with felony "carnal knowledge of a juvenile" charges -- perhaps making this the most expensive French Connection (allegedly) since the old Gene Hackman picture.