Friday, November 29, 2013

Some Broads Are Just Better Suited as MILFs Than Book Authors: Kate Gosselin's New Cookbook Gets Panned by Critics as "Sordid Attempt to Stay Relevant"!

How does one go wrong, exactly, with a damn cookbook? Well leave it to Kate Gosselin to provide the recipe (links below)...

The 38-year-old Gosselin calls it "Love Is in the Mix," but most critics haven't seemed to love a single thing about the cookbook since its recent release.  For one thing, critics say, the pages turn more like a family photo album than a cookbook, chock full of "rehashed old photos" of "Jon and Kate Plus 8."

Then the book goes full-on big bowl of wrong with the actual cooking recipes that it does contain, critics have howled.  As examples:

-  "Rehashed Internet recipes."
-  "Not so original."
-  "A terrible waste of time and money."
-  "I'm not sure why this was even published."
-  "Recycled from the back of soup cans."

But even leaving aside their "canned" nature, the recipes are also reportedly very difficult to follow, leaving it up to the reader to decide how much of a particular ingredient to include. Wrote one Amazon reviewer:

"The measurements are insane. 2 or 3 cloves of garlic? 2 or 3 cups of rice? What is it? 2 or 3???"

The book's also been described as "clearly a last-gasp attempt to cash in on the Gosselin name." But as these things go, it seems there's always another gasp...

And with Octomom and Teen Mom as pioneers paving the way, maybe next we'll see Kate in porn?? Now, there's some soup cans I would actually take a look at.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Finding the Racist Under Every Bed, Part 2: UCLA Professor "Corrects Minority Students' Capitalization & Grammar, Is Accused of Racism"...

...The racist conduct at issue apparently extends to correcting punctuation as well. Oh, the humanity. I just worry what these aggrieved students might be forced to endure next at UCLA?

Receiving a "B" maybe? Having incorrect multiple choice answers marked wrong? Being called on in class when they really didn't want to be? Receiving a markdown for too many absences?

Can you imagine the good professor ever holding up a white person to such ridicule? Of course not. And that's why Prof is now going to be given the opportunity to exonerate himself by proving a negative, i.e. that he's not a racist. Yeah, good luck with that one, pal.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Left-u-cation: "Obama Biography Required Reading for Fourth Graders" in Illinois, "Casts White Americans Who Disagree with Obama's Politics as Racist." Well, This Racist Has a Few Questions...

To wit:

1. When in the hell did Jimmy Carter and Oprah Winfrey start writing children's books?

2. Given that Carter delivered some of the worst presidential speeches in American history, what publisher in her right mind would hire him to pen a book?

3. Is there any tentacle of our archaic capitalist system that Oprah won't exploit to make a buck? Damn one percenter billionaires.

4. If a man limits expressing disagreement with Obama to when he's out in a forest by himself, is he still a racist?

5. Even if he double dog promises never to blaspheme like that ever again?

Friday, November 22, 2013

"We Didn't Use the Nuclear Option!" (Until Now): democrat party Goes Nuclear to Allow Obama's Judicial & Executive Branch Nominees to be Confirmed in the Senate on a Simple Majority Vote That Ends Any Filibuster...

I can still recall arguing with a pack of leftists one night on the Facebook in the past few years.  I got my procedural gimmicks mixed up and mistakenly used the term "nuclear option" instead of "reconciliation" to describe the procedural maneuver that the democrat party abused to foist Obamacare into law on a mere 51 votes in the Senate in 2010...

You'd have thunk that I had just accused Bill Clinton of being a philanderer and a liar or something! "We didn't use the nuclear option!," screamed the leftists, as if mixing up the names of the two 51-vote procedural gimmicks was even worth more than a passing mention by them. But indeed, it allowed the leftists to ignore the substance of my argument (that Obamacare passed in highly slimeball fashion) and instead focus all attention on my reference to the wrong gimmick name...

Now democrat party and its Leftist Base Unanimously Cheer Use of the Nuclear Option

So how ironic (more like predictable) it is this week, a year or two later, that the democrat party (at Obama's behest and on a straight party-line vote) used that same dreaded "nuclear option" to pass what effectively amounted to an historic Senate rules change (normally requiring 67 votes) with only 51 votes. The rule change itself (technically called "establishing a precedent" rather than a strict change of the rules) permits the confirmation of presidential judicial and executive branch nominees by 51 votes instead of 60 (i.e., it now only takes 51 votes to end a filibuster on a nominee).

Never mind that ending filibusters on presidential nominations in the Senate (as best as I can tell) has required at least 60 votes for the past 225 years. Never mind that 60 votes served as a crucial check on the power of presidents of both parties to nominate radical ideologue judges (just wait until Obama gets going on that one now).

Never mind, either, that these same leftists would be out marching in the streets if the right-winger gop-ers ever attempted such a sleazy, "un-American," "naked power grab" (as VP Joe Biden and the above-pictured Senate majority leader Harry Reid referred to the nuclear option in 2005 when there was an "R" next to the president's name -- both Biden and Reid, like Obama, take an opposite position now than they did then). Hypocrites. As usual. But the ends do always justify the means, right leftists?

Meanwhile gop-ers Look as Hapless, Clueless and Powerless As Ever In Their Response

Meantime it appears the gop-ers didn't put up much of a fight on this one, almost content to let the democrat party have its way this time. The gop-ers' standard talking point has been to take smug satisfaction in the fact that the democrat party's move will allow gop-ers to more easily confirm their own presidential nominees, with 51 votes ending any filibuster, when the gop-ers win the presidency. But two huge problems with that line of thinking...

First, how incredibly presumptuous of the gop-ers to think that they will win the presidency anytime soon. It could happen, but it also may be awhile. For example, odds are (although certainly not assured) that we're looking at up to 8 years of Hillary Clinton starting 2017. Good grief, that's a whole lotta years of leftist presidents stacking the federal judiciary with leftist ideologues. Scary proposition. Which is now reality.

Second, and maybe just as significantly, these gop-ers don't even seem to be considering this fact:  If gop-ers win a presidential election at a point in time when the democrat party still holds a majority in the Senate, then the democrat party in the lame-duck period following the election could simply use the nuclear option again and, with 51 votes, change the rule back to the way it was (60 votes necessary to end a filibuster on a presidential nominee).

Yes, that would mean the democrat party having the unmitigated gall to use an extraordinary, hyper-partisan tactic, the nuclear option, (1) not only to change an historic rule when it benefits them politically (as they do now), but also (2) to simply change the rule back when the original rule benefits them politically. The stuff of banana republics, you might ask? Something that would never happen in this country? Well, I've got only one thing to say to that: Look at the people you're dealing with here.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Lost Opportunity: Obama Leaves Out "Under God" From His Out-of-Town Recording of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address on its 150th Anniversary -- But Why Stop There?

Why stop at a paltry two words? If you're gonna start omitting or changing the things you don't like in Lincoln's historic Address (Obama blames the omission on the "copy" that he was given to read -- right, just a coincidence!) -- then why not go to town and really inject some leftist 20 percenter wisdom into the old yarn? I'll even get Obama started with a rough working draft that maybe he can put to use next year:

"Four score and seven years ago, our so-called founding fathers, every single one of whom was a slaveholder, brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty for white English guys, and dedicated to the proposition that all white English men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil set of internal workplace violence incidents, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived without an abortion and so dedicated, can long endure.  We are met on a lousy battle-field of that violence -- I only wish we could have used drone strikes here instead of boots on the ground.

We have come to dedicate a portion of that field to the federal government, as not only a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live, but also as a nice spot for some new roads and bridges. It is all together fair and socially just that we should do this. After all, you couldn't build that.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate -- we cannot consecrate -- we cannot hallow -- this ground and future site of more infrastructure investment. The army corpse-men, living and dead, who ravaged each other here like animals, have consecrated it, almost as much as the federal government's incredible power to add to it.

The world will little note, nor remember what we say here nearly as long as they'll remember my Nobel Prize, but it can never forget what they did here and what the government will do here in the future.  It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work that we still have to do in my final three years in office. I still have one campaign left in me.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great tasks remaining before us -- righting the sinking Obamacare ship and passing an omnibus immigration bill, which shall forever cement my legacy -- that we here highly resolve that these dead military guys shall not have died just so that we would allow a good crisis to go to waste -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of progress -- and that government, sweet government, of democrat party people, by the intellectual people, for all the dumb people out there, shall not perish from the earth, lest we get to the point where America really deserves that."

So give that one a try next time, Obama. If you get any pushback, just blame it on someone giving you the "Rager Copy" of the Address.

Monday, November 18, 2013

LOL: Literally! "Football Coach Fired After He Planned Party for 12-Year-Olds at HOOTERS, Then Refused to Change Venue, Insisting 'It's Not a Strip Club'"!

He's Corbett Middle School football coach Randy Burbach, and a part of me says this dude's a man after my own heart for taking his crew of 12-year-olds to the Jantzen Beach Hooters near Portland, Oregon (link below).  But the other part of me screams, What an Idiot!

If I had a 12-year-old son, I don't think I'd have any problem taking him to a Hooters.  It's just a bar-and-grill food joint (and pretty tasty at that).  So what if the broads there who serve you tend to have great racks and show off a fair amount of cleavage?  Is that so wrong?

But alas, many people out there don't quite see the world on the same terms that I do.  And if I'm lookin' to take a team of 12-year-old kids to get some eats at some local joint, then Hooters ain't it... 

You see, in this life, a man -- particularly one acting as a leader of young people -- needs to look a few clicks down the ol' road when it comes to his decision-making.  He needs to see and consider the obvious fact that many parents of 12-year-old boys are gonna be none too appreciative of plans that place the boys in front of a bunch of scantily-clad gazongas.

And guess what, Coacher -- that's their right.  They're the kids' parents, not you.  You (like me) might not have a problem with 12-year-olds at Hooters, but the fact that they, the parents, do have an issue with it should be given the ultimate respect.

Or put much more simply, what are ya thinkin', You Fool?!?  But many thanks to Coach Burbach for giving me a big laugh with that quoted headline that resulted from his ill-conceived decision.  In these rotten times, we need all the big laughs we can get.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Bewitched: An "American Horror Story" Solution to Obama's Current Obamacare Woes (Hint: It Involves Casting a Spell)...

You might call these some rather rough times for Obama. He's been caught in the repeated lie of "if you like your current plan, you can keep it." The Obamacare website continues to operate like a bad URL from 1995. And millions of millions of Americans have already lost their plans under Obama's signature legislation. What Obama needs now is a fix...

And I'm talking a real fix, not some measly one-year delay of some plan cancellations (as Obama proposed today). So I looked to the current season of "American Horror Story: Coven" for inspiration. The witch brood on the show has been known to bring humans back to life with their spells (see Frankenstein Kyle), so why not a good Obamacare spell to bring Obama's sinking signature regulatory scheme back to life?

So here goes: Say the 10 words and phrases set forth below, in order, ten times, and then toss in four parts of reciting them backwards. Then, watch all the bad public opinion and media scrutiny over Obamacare dissipate like so many current health care plans. Hell, in isolation, all of these words and phrases have always worked in the past. So let's put them together in one giant blast of leftist third grader-isms and hot air. Chant it with me quickly, but with conviction:

10.  Rodeo Clown

9.  Fair Share

8.  Millionaires and Billionaires

7.  Waiver

6.  Fox News

5.  Roads and Bridges

4.  Racists

3.  Bush

2.  The Video

1.  Lilly Ledbetter

[Note: "Beer Summit" may be noticeably absent from this list, but I didn't want to go all 2009 on everybody's ass.]

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Leave Me Alone, I'm Only Sleeping: 14-Year-Old Lazy Bones in Georgia Gets Tossed in the Hoosegow for Sleeping In & Refusing to Get Up! (Well, and a Few Other Things...)

This 14-year-old in Athens, Georgia must be taking a cue from new NYC mayor Bill "I Ain't No Morning Person" de Blasio, because dude really likes his beauty sleep. To the tune of already being tardy to school 30 times this school year after sleeping in over and over again (link below). And we're only in November!

But finally recently, Mama had had enough! So Mama says to Sonny (she says, she says) (paraphrasing), "Boy get your ass out that bed or I'm gonna toss a bucket of water on ya!"

And don't say Mama wasn't warned: Sonny's reported response was to tell Mama that he was gonna "tear up" the joint if so much as one drop of water found its way on to his slothful carcass.

Apparently figurin' that this at least would be one way to get the lazy lad out of the sack, Mama reared back and tossed said water right on the boy! And that's when all hell broke loose...

Sure enough, Mama had succeeded in finally getting the boy up, but this Grumpy Gus immediately started acting as if he'd gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. For starters, Sonny allegedly clinched his wet fist and look a big swipe at a damn window! But that was just a warm-up...

Next Sonny allegedly took to tossing around various sundry "household items." This included a big vase, which Sonny trashed (says Mama). And Sonny just wouldn't give it a rest, allegedly capping off the episode by ripping down a wall mirror and bashing it to the ground!

Fortunately for Sonny, he may now be getting plenty of extra time for sleepin', as cops delivered him a wake-up call in the form of criminal charges ("as an unruly child") and possible detention in Juvie. I just want to be a fly on the wall when Sonny gets a load of that first 7:00 a.m. head count.
"I'm Only Sleeping":

Friday, November 8, 2013

Good Grief! Big Bosomy French Broad Refuses to Surrender, Hits Back at Catholic School for Canning Her for "Playing a Bikini-Clad 'Cougar' in a French Rap Video"...

The linked story says 50-year-old Catholic high school assistant Veronique "Boom Boom" Bonazzola was given her walking papers after 20 years at the school (located in the south of France) because of her appearance in the wild music video for the song "Fountain of Youth" by rapper Novia. But Boom Boom promptly busted out a big employment lawsuit against the party poopers at the school...

The honker hijinks in the video included the 27-year-old Novia chasing the bikini-clad Boom Boom around and -- after apparently catching her -- then dancing "suggestively" with Boom Boom, getting his drink on with her, and "pouring champagne down her chest in a jacuzzi." Hardly the sort of thing that would get your average school board all riled up, no?

But Boom Boom was canned nevertheless once the school got wind of her little jacuzzi jugs romp. Worse yet, Boom Boom says she initially feared the school was "going to burn me at the stake out in the school yard." (Man, these French and their harsh indictments.)

Boom Boom says she filed her wrongful termination lawsuit to get a "victory against injustice" since the school never gave her the "slightest warning" that sashaying around half naked in a rap video might threaten her employment.

Point well taken, said the court, which has ruled in her favor based on the school "not making clear to [Boom Boom] how her acting career might affect her day job."

And indeed, the school could've easily averted all this with a simple provision in Boom Boom's contract giving her fair warning, such as "Grounds for termination shall include dancing in a bikini on camera during a jacuzzi party while having champagne disseminated all over your mostly exposed breasts." Lesson learned.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

New Study: "People Look More at Women's Chests Than Their Faces." But I Don't Think I Can Agree with That...

Sure, the rack is the first place that any self-respectin' dude focuses on. But here's the thing: That always has to be a real quick glance, lest one wants his sitcom idea shot down by NBC. Moreover, any repeat glances have to be equally rapid and limited to sporadic, propitious moments.

Besides, a man cannot live on breasts alone. The biggest pair of cans in the world ain't gonna overcome a noodle that looks like Quasimodo. Take this example from FX's current season of "Sons of Anarchy":

You've got Walton Goggins' character, Venus Van Damme (pictured above). And leave aside the whole transexual thing for a moment and focus just on the upstairs. Mr. Damme has a hell of a rack, but as you then move north, you start to get a load of that face.  With that masculine mush easily cancelling out them melons, Mr. Damme quickly becomes as unhittable as a Greg Holland splitter.

So please don't tell me, New Study (link below), that I look more at the gazongas than the face when, in fact, (1) staring at them jugs for more than a second at a time is a bit frowned upon in modern society and (2) a rotten face means end of chase. Proof positive why you should never take one of these new studies at face value.

Friday, November 1, 2013

STOP THE PRESS: Obama a Liar?!? "Obama Administration Knew Millions Could Not Keep Their Health Insurance" if Obamacare Passed.

This laughable headline this week, BTW, comes from leftist news outlet NBC (i.e. MSNBC) News -- not exactly a bastion of right-winger propaganda.  I'm still trying to figure out NBC News' angle for being racist and going against Obama for once, but regardless, what does it matter?...

When Obama looked the American people in the eye repeatedly in 2009 and 2010 and spouted, "If you want to keep your current health care plan, and if you want to keep your doctor, you can!", it was an obvious lie at the time to anyone who had bothered to become even mildly informed about the radical leftist Obamacare legislation that the democrat party and Obama spent the better part of a year trying to foist into law during that period (even in the face of much more pressing economic recession issues the like of which the country hadn't seen in 80 years -- many of which still linger to this day).

This was their far leftist baby, after all, and by God, these leftists were gonna ram it through!  The ends always justify the means with these creatures, and so it was that the Obamacare monstrosity became "law," against the will of an American people who did not want it, through historically unprecedented and pathetic straight party-line votes, legislative bribery, and slimeball procedural gimmickry (it was " 'reconciliation,' NOT the 'nuclear option'!," scream group-thinking leftists to this day!).

Of course Obama was lying!  Obama ("I don't know nuttin', I just work here") couldn't care less about the truth, rather only what he can politically get away with at the moment and in advance of an election with his many media advocates and lackeys.  Obamacare was, of course, never about funding health care for the less fortunate who can't afford it.  It was always, of course, instead about foisting a huge leftist regulatory scheme on the health insurance industry aimed at ultimately arriving at a single payer system, i.e. a complete federal government takeover of that same industry by forcing its private side mostly or all out of business...

Middle class folks, already reeling from a never-ending economic malaise over several years (2008-2013), would (and now) of course have to give up their plans and/or start paying a whole hell of a lot more for their plans in order to pay for the massive new regulatory scheme.  They were just collateral damage, as the leftists see it.  To the leftist 20 percenters, it was all about a big leftist power grab -- push, push, push the size of the federal government and bureaucracy as huge as it can be, and take over all the health care!

You see, the means never mattered to the leftist 20 percenters, rather only the ends -- a rather medieval mentality that leads to pathological lying on the grandest of scales. I can actually recall days past when calling someone a liar was about as bad of a thing that one could call. These days, I doubt an individual like Obama and his leftist acolytes could care less. Just so long as they get what they want in the end.