Friday, April 25, 2014

Hot Baked Banana Broad: Australian "Fitness Guru" Goes Around Looking Like This Just By Eating a Bunch of Bananas & Fruits All Damn Day Long!

This fruit job from down under is named Loni Jane Anthony, otherwise known as "Freelee the Banana Girl" (link below).  This fruit freak's known to whack down dozens of bananas a day before polishing off some mangoes, pineapples and orange juice just for good measure. She credits her "all fruit all the time" diet for her knock-out physique...

But apparently this hot little fruit loop is taking a lot of grief from curmudgeony dietitians, who just can't ever seem to shut the fuck up about balanced diets from the five traditional food groups.  YAWN! I'd like to go on record with my full support for this fruit skirt...

I'd like to go over there to her joint and see her melons and peach cans and get the ol' fruit juices flowin'. I wanna munch on her cherry niblets and show her my plantain and basenji nuts. Hey, I could use to be whipped into shape, and she's just the fruit floozy to do it. Just one caveat: Rager does not eat grapefruit.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Not Necrophilia! Rager Apparently Lives In One of Only "Four States in the Country Where You Can Have Sex With a Dead Body, But You Can't Legally Receive a Blow Job"!

Well shit.  To get in line with the law, looks like I'm gonna have to eschew these broads among the living and take my ass down to the damn funeral parlor. But I guess it's as the man once said -- a hole's a hole, no? BTW, does formaldehyde burn the flesh?

Friday, April 18, 2014

Would Obamacare Also Fund Free Boob Jobs & Thousands of Bucks in Dental Work for Knocked Up Broads?: Busty British Bimbo Gets the Works on the Limey Taxpayers' Dime Across the Pond...

I can't imagine that Obamacare would not cover such things, since any other course would naturally constitute a bona fide War on Women. And the Brits are apparently in lock step over there . . . Just a take a look at them big fake honkers on this 24-year-old ex-hooker Josie Cunningham!

She reportedly somehow got the British government's National Health Service ("NHS") to foot the bill for her massive melon upsizing to the tune of over $8,000. (While, at the same time, the NHS refused to pay for surgery that would have allowed a 2-year-old girl with cerebral palsy to walk -- How bouts them well-placed federal government priorities for ya?!?).

The new fake rack reportedly assisted Josie in "falling into a life of prostitution," and now she's got a bun in the ol' oven (not knowing who papa is, however). But alas, it's about time to let the welfare really start rollin' in, baby!...

According to the linked stories, all preggers dames in Britain are "entitled" to "free NHS dental care." (The link 'tween good dental hygiene and popping out a little shit being so readily apparent, of course).

So far this public dole doll Josie has souped up her mouth and stuck it to the taxpayer for another $4,000, enjoying her free dental implants, fillings, wisdom teeth removal, and root canal surgery.

Says this Limey leach defiantly: "I'm sure people will be annoyed that I'm accepting this freebie, but I couldn't care less!" She's even pissed that her free dental care only covers silver (and not gold) fillings, although she waxes philosophical: "I guess beggars can't be choosers." I just wonder if she says the same thing when reflecting on her anonymous Baby Daddy?

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

"Public University Looks to Lower Number of White Students on Campus." But What If My Sorry White Ass Is Also Part Indian Like Elizabeth Warren?

We're talkin' something called Western Washington University, and apparently that joint gots way too many honkies runnin' round the place!  That's according to brain-trust university president Bruce Shepard, who "has stated that his explicit goal is to reduce the white population on campus" (links below)...

So to ensure some good old-fashioned white flight away from said campus, the good Prez is taking a little affirmative action, such as reportedly sending "a questionnaire to students asking them for advice on how the administration could succeed at making sure that in future years, 'we are not as white as we are today.'"

For good measure, Shepard is reportedly also "asking students to consider strategies that other universities have used to focus on skin color as the paramount indicator of a student-applicant's worth."

Now, while all that may sound well and good to your garden-variety leftist group-thinker, what if I happen to be a pasty white prep student cracka-ass with his little heart set on the hallowed halls of WWU? What am I do to? I don't want to be excluded over here! Well...

My best advice to that kid: Just become part Indian like democrat party Massachusetts senator (and national leftist 20 percenter hero) Elizabeth Warren (link below; pic above).  Claim to be 1/64th Indian or some shit...

And if you can't happen to prove that claim through any type of legitimate documentation? Forgettaboutit! Just say that being part Indian has always been a part of your "family folklore."  Just like Lefty Liz!

Then check it: Wham-bam, thank ya Ma'am, you're a freakin' minority! In Like Flynn, baby! Hell, once you apply, President Shepard will probably be down there in your front yard the next day tossin' a damn pow wow!

Friday, April 11, 2014

A Little Privacy Please: Hows About If I Bang This Bad Attitude "Human Barbie Doll" Broad Down in the "Hook-Up Truck"?!?

As was pointed out to me recently by an ageless Cleopatra-like wonder in Cowtown, this ingenious new Hook-Up Truck (in which reservations can be made starting at 30 minutes; link below) should mean an end to the days when I have to bang broads on top of a desk or down underground somewhere. Now as for this Human Barbie Doll (28-year-old Valeria Lukyanova) piece of work...

That broad needs a real attitude adjustment, and I'm just the one to learn her a few lessons over here.  It seems Human Barbie (link below) really hates kids and also -- much like something straight out of a Mississippi shithouse -- ain't too big on the notion of mixed race children neither...

But just give me an hour with this sick racist doll out in the ol' Hook-Up Truck, and I'll bang all the bigotry right out of her plastecine little ass! I'll conduct a little educational romper room right there in the Truck, if ya know what I mean. Then Barbie Be Born Again!

And kids, do not forget: If that truck be a rockin', never go a knockin'.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

No Alternative: Oklahoma Man Gets Tired of Having Sex With His AUNT "In Exchange For a Place to Live," and So Naturally He Whacks Her Out (Allegedly)...

37-year-old Jeremy Sappington is charged with murdering his 50-year-old maternal aunt, Verna Sarten (both pictured above), of Chouteau, Oklahoma. Sappington reportedly told cops he was banging Auntie "in exchange for housing" until one day he just got sick of the hag. Sappington further told cops:

"He wanted to break things off with his aunt, so he grabbed a gun that Sarten had been hiding under her mattress, walked up behind her and fired a shot at her head."

Now, I don't mean to be one to judge, but I do think that if this Sappington would've taken just a little bit of time to think things through, he might've come up with a better break-up plan. And something short of first degree murder (allegedly). A few ideas:

- Hit up your Mama's other sisters for some new digs, and take to banging one of them instead to pay the rent.

- Two words: The first cousins.

- Three words: And What About Mama?

- If you're swingin' both ways, see if Uncle might've been willing to substitute into Auntie's slot a few times a week. Just to mix things up.

- Avoid the death penalty and life in prison by merely giving Auntie a good beatin' to drive home the break up point. Take a riding crop to her ass to make sure she capisce.

- Or, if gunplay's a must, then eschew blowing Auntie's brains out in favor of sending her a clear message. A blast in the knee cap, by way of example, will usually clench ya the title.

But alas, I admit we don't know the whole back story here. Maybe Sappington did try some of these alternative measures, but to no avail. 'Course, he could've just walked away from the situation too. Not to be unfairly simplistic over here.

Monday, April 7, 2014

War on Women: "180,000 More Women Unemployed in March" Under the Obama Economy AND Obama Pays Men More Than Women at the White House!

Good Golly Miss Molly, just leave it to Obama and his democrat party leftist acolytes.  It's not enough, them waging an incessant war on men and on males who act like real men.


They gots-ta take the war to the women-folk too! Just take a gander at them depressing plunging female job numbers for Chrissakes! (Link below).  (Monday's latest:  Hypocrite Obama demands equal pay for women nationwide while his own pathetic White House pays women less than men!  Same ol' leftist Barack and Michelle: Do as we say, Not as we do!!  Hypocrites.)

What's next, leftist 20 percenters? A war on dogs? Small children? Old codgers? Cripples? Midgets? Hobos? Circus freaks?  You leftists sure are a mean lot, let me tell ya. No compassion whatsoever.

Friday, April 4, 2014

"Hands Off My Man!" Kate Gosselin Allegedly Gets "Close" to Her Married Bodyguard, Draws the Ire of the Dude's Old Lady!

Kate was reportedly seen at a recent concert holding hands with married bodyguard, Steve Neild (just hope it wasn't his gun hand). Now Radar's reporting that wifey (Gina Downie Neild) has retaliated, "posting a defiant family picture" online showing Neild, the old lady and the boys all together as one big happy perfect family (pic above).

The reports and indications have been out there for awhile that Kate the divorcee has had plethora problems on the dating scene due to a sour, ultra-Diva personality that might make Raquel Welch seem like a piss-clam.

So the and fix-up routes having apparently failed, maybe it would make sense that this broad's now hitting up a married guy (allegedly) who works in a position of trust for her. But don't-cha got any single help around that joint, Kate?...

Maybe a non-married gardener, an available cook, or an on-the-market butler? And if all else fails, there's always the milk man (aren't they always single?).

Besides, how the hell's this Neild The Bodyguard gonna watch your backside if you're constantly watching his (allegedly)? Stick that paw somewhere else, Hannah Homewrecker (allegedly)!