Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Monday's Most Moronic: gop-er Comparing Obama to Italian Cruise Ship Captain, or Obama Himself Claiming He's Created 22 Million New Jobs?

...such Obama gaffe statement came when in fact that new jobs number during his so-called presidency is at most something like one-seventh of the 22 million figure. The Obama/Italian Slimeball "Costa Concordia" Ship Captain comparison, in contrast, came from democrat party chairman Patty "Wasserman" Simpson's right-winger counterpart on the republic partisan side of things -- some complete no-name right-wing goober called "Reince Priebus" (WHO?)...

Well, I'll call it about a tie as to which of these two complete assclowns (Priebus and the individual we currently have as president) was the most educationally challenged on Monday. Frankly, both statements made me absolutely sick, even if Obama (undoubtedly with some flunky in the background or earpiece pulling an Arnold Horseshack, "OOH, OOH, OOH, Mr. President!") subsequently tried to correct himself.

Absolutely sick, just like these two bullshit, extreme-controlled, out-of-touch parties manage to accomplish every waking day of my life -- even when they realize they don't have 57 states (rather a mere 50) across which to spread their vile disingenuous hate, putrid petty snideness and complete lowest-common-denominator rhetoric as soon as each day's new sun emerges.

I haven't been talking a whole lot about political issues lately, since all that's been going on is pure partisan campaigning -- incessantly by the individual we currently have as president and by the equally unqualified "candidates," with all of their endless third-grade-style primary sniping, on the deranged right-winger side of things.

Put another way, little in the way of policy or new laws is being debated or enacted these days (which is probably a very good thing, truth be told), and so I'm not going to waste much time on these partisan freaks these days. But as always, even if I'm not blogging about that world very much recently, I'm always watching. That never changes.

Monday, January 30, 2012

So You Want Me to Do Something to Help Out the Hispanic Community? OK, I Think Maybe I'll Eat Some Tacos.

That's a rather crude, inappropriate remark, of course. But when it was recently uttered by the mayor of East Haven, Connecticut (a rocket scientist named Joseph Maturo), the local townsfolk "inundated and deluged" the goofjob's mayoral office with "2,000 Mexican dishes" and a whole lotta tacos. They called it the "Send the Mayor a Taco" Campaign (link at bottom).

So where's my free eats? Send 'em along, please. I could use the nourishment. Send the Rager a Taco.

[Deliveries welcome, just not during the day or before midnight: The Independent Rage, 1313 Outhouse Way, Tightwad MO. Hot sauce and/or salsa condiments appreciated, but not required. And no spitting in the mixture, if you please.]


Friday, January 27, 2012

He'll Never Try that One Again: Alleged Burglar Gets the Living Hell Beat Out of Him After Female Victim Comes After Him with a Damn Bedpost!

He took all the risk on Friday the 13th, and all he got for it was a good bedpost beatin' and a trip to the hospital! He's 40-year-old Lucio Medina Miranda, and that's his badly beaten mush pictured immediately above. And he's being described on the Net as "the burglar who picked the wrong woman" to fuck with (links at bottom, including an exceptional slideshow from WBTV)...

Cops say the build up to this little impromptu hardcore match began when Miranda tried to burgle a home in downtown Raleigh, North Carolina. After slinking his way into the joint, Miranda allegedly first found two kids whom he told to keep their damn traps shut.

You see, it seems Mama (Victoria Jones; various pictures above and below) was down in the shithouse buck naked and fixin' to take a shower. But when Mama spied this alleged Raleigh rip-off artist strolling down the hall, the disrobed homeowner reportedly leaped into action immediately. And that's when all hell broke loose...

Cops say Mama quickly scurried her way into the bedroom, where she ripped a big bedpost down and proceeded to "whack the alleged intruder repeatedly in the face."

Already having had his slimeball ass pretty thoroughly kicked at this juncture, the beaten burglar allegedly made a dash towards the front door to try to escape Mama's bedpost beatdown. But nothing doin' on that front!

Just for good measure, Mama reportedly resumed the beating at the front door with "a few well aimed swings at his knees [that] allegedly prevented him from running before the police could get there."

"I was able to beat him out of my bedroom, back through the living room," crowed the proud Mama after incapacitating the alleged bad guy. And what did that fallen fleecer Miranda get for his (alleged) efforts? Well, reportedly a "broken ankle, cuts, bruises and a badly swollen eye" -- that's what. Not to mention a ride down to see the sawbones.

When he heals up and gets out of there, Miranda will reportedly be facing felony burglary charges and a trip to the can. And what a welcome sight I betcha the hoosegow's gonna be for this scuzjob: Sleeping quarters with not so much a single bedpost on hand!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

"Hello, Police: Mama's Banging Her Boyfriend in the Next Room & I Can't Sleep Over Here!" Teen Calls 911 to Report Mama's Sex Romp!

This has to be a new one in the 911 annals. We've seen customers at fast food joints call 911 when something's wrong with their order. We've heard about people calling 911 when drug dealers have sold them fake product or when hookers have refused to have sex with them. But now a new one: Kid calling 911 because Mama's moaning up a storm in the sack with the old man!

The 15-year-old girl in Panama City, Florida apparently really hated hearing her 35-year-old Mama gettin' it on with boyfriend through the wall of her next-door bedroom. Cops says the teen called 911 at 4:00 a.m. last week and "asked to be put in a Christian children's shelter after she heard her mother and boyfriend having sex" (link to full story at bottom).

The stated reason for the girl's anger: She felt "disrespected" by being forced to listen to all that racket. And of course, expressing such disapproval in a long talk with Mama the next morning just wasn't an option, apparently. Instead, get 911 on the horn right now, baby!

Only problem? Absent some form of abuse or neglect, there just wasn't much the cops could do except to refer the teen to speak to a children's care worker.

For now, the girl has reportedly changed her mind and doesn't want to leave the home. But just wait 'til the boyfriend's back at the joint this weekend. Methinks Mama best muzzle up.


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Weighing in Favor of a "Weak Mayor" Form of Municipal Governance? S. Carolina Mayor Gets Pulled Over for Speeding, & So the Mayor Pulls Over the Cop!

There's something to be said for too much power lying with the Head Honcho in the executive branch in a democracy. Too much power tends to lead to "find a way to usurp the legislative branch" directives, the appointment of an historically large number of bureaucracy "czars" accountable to no one, and "recess appointments" and "executive orders" used in ways not previously imaginable nor conceived. But so much for the individual we currently have as president -- let's talk about this fat tub of goo in South Carolina...

He's Jim Preacher, the mayor of South Carolina hamlet of Norway. I can't find any information on what party this joker's in, but does it really matter? Preacher admits he was speeding (70 in a 55 zone) when a state trooper pulled his speed-demon ass over and gave him a ticket for tearing up the road like that. And that apparently didn't sit too well with the very portly local Mayor...

Because immediately after the stop, the fat Preacher reportedly activated some police lights that he (for some dumbass South Carolina reason) had on his own mayoral vehicle and promptly pulled THE TROOPER over!!!

What I don't really get is the Trooper actually recognizing some sort of law enforcement authority of a damn local Mayor, but the Trooper did so nevertheless and actually pulled over! And that was the just the start of this Bizarro-World tale...

Like some kind of overbearing, obese, out-of-his-jurisdiction Jackie Gleason "Sheriff Buford T. Justice" character from Smokey & the Bandit, the fat-ass Mayor actually reportedly asked the pulled-over Trooper for his license and registration, please!

Then this nervy lard-ass Mayor apparently actually went and ran the license, only to return it to the Trooper a short time later. And then for the coup de grace: The buoyant Mayor actually ordered the State Trooper (allegedly) to follow him back into town so that the Mayor could issue him a citation!

(Charge not clear, but I'd guess it falls somewhere under the chickenshit local crime of "showing the unmitigated gall to issue the Mayor a ticket even when the Mayor's fucking up" -- or some such other charge of that same general nature).

And also similar to the referenced Sheriff Justice, the fat-rollin' Mayor claims the Trooper should've never pulled him over since he (as The Mayor) was at the time engaged in a little "hot pursuit" of a suspect who'd just allegedly knocked over a local gas station.

Course, never mind that he's the Mayor -- 'cause someone gots to chase down them damn local criminals! I mean, what's next from these Gestapo-like State Troopers? Pulling over the Dog Catcher as he pursues the perpetrator of the next local bank job?


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Maybe Baseball's the Wrong Sport For Him: Teen Allegedly "Goes Berserk" on Coach During Baseball Practice After Stripping Down Buck Naked...

I don't imagine it's a very a good thing when on the first day of baseball practice, a high school player gets handcuffed and busted for "acting demented." Being maniacal, of course, may have a certain place in some athletic and pugilistic pursuits, but typically not so much on the baseball diamond...

It all started oddly enough on the first day of baseball practice at Mill Creek High School in Hoschton, Georgia (link to full story at bottom). The school says one of the sophomore players led off that day by "acting very strangely," scraping his legs up by "sliding around in gravel."

Then it was allegedly off to the bleachers for the boy for a curtain call or something, as he "began doing rhythmic exercises in his underwear" right up there in the stands. Coaches reportedly tried to subdue the lad and find out what was troubling him, but the kid could only speak in tongues, giving "incoherent and nonsensical answers" (with "batter, batter, batter" apparently not among them).

Coaches next reportedly tried to get the boy indoors to cool off; but once inside, he allegedly stripped down to this birthday suit and clamored to get back out on the diamond in all of his stark naked glory.

When the coaches tried to nip any public exhibition in the bud by stopping the youngster, the kid allegedly swung for the fences and took a swipe at one of the coaches, clocking the coach one right in the kisser.

A school security guard was finally able to slap the ol' cuffs on the teen, who was still reportedly speaking gibberish even after his old man arrived on the scene. The young baseball prospect now faces a grandslam of juvenile charges. Fully clothed this time.


Monday, January 23, 2012

Hobo With a Long-Knife: Arizona Homeless Bum Allegedly Butchers Cat for Dinner & Puts Uneaten Portions to Good Use as Well...

Maybe this hobo is some sort of sick descendant of the Plains Indians. They were renowned for always finding some use for most parts of a slain animal carcass (such as the buffalo) and putting very little to waste. But somehow I don't think this is quite what Dances With Wolves had in mind...

Cops in Phoenix say they found homeless tramp Russell Christopher Hofstad (the non-cat pictured above) hanging out in an old warehouse with a mutilated feline. Being hungry, the bum allegedly claimed, he pounded the cat to death with a stick and used a big butcher knife to "skin and gut" the poor animal. Then it was time for dinner (allegedly).

After polishing off his supper (allegedly), you might think this deranged drifter would toss the rest of the cat into a dumpster or something, right? Wrong. Why put a good cat hide and innards to waste, after all?

Cops say this creepy vagrant next turned into Davey Crockett, using the cat's furry tail as a piece of clothing apparel. In particular, cops say the bum's little makeshift varmint garment consisted of the tail and some of the cat's intestines, which cops say the vagabond had fashioned into a necklace that he was wearing when the cops found him.

Cops also say the unhinged hobo used some screwdrivers and "clippers" to meticulously remove the creature's various internal organs so that he could put those "on ice" as if he was dealing with Alejandra Sosa down in Colombia. Specifically, the batty tramp allegedly iced down the cat guts inside a cooler (since those things do go bad real fast if you just leave them lying about at room temperature).

The cat pugilist panhandler told cops that he even planned to put the little animal's skeleton to good use too. Apparently the bum was planning a little shindig down at his flophouse and envisioned using the skeleton "as party decorations."

The party was seemingly already underway when cops found the kooky hermit, who was allegedly prancing around the joint in his cat tail necklace, with his face painted, after blasting off all the warehouse's old fire extinguishers and littering the place with booze bottles.

But on the bright side of things, this Hofstad character is no longer homeless. Cops tossed his alleged cat-skinning ass in the hoosegow on animal cruelty and burglary charges. And after having feasted on cat, I doubt the bread and water down in the hole are gonna sit too well with this bum.

Friday, January 20, 2012

What a Ballbreaker: Cops Bust "Bam Bam the Testicle Attacker" for Allegedly Bustin' Her Old Man's Balls (Literally) and a Whole Lotta More!

That cold-hearted stare you see above belongs to one bona fide ball buster (allegedly). She's 24-year-old Savannah "Bam Bam" Rios outta Utah, and cops there have nailed her nutcracker ass for allegedly terrorizing her boyfriend's coin purse and then trying to heist all his coin to boot!

As reported on the venerable Smoking Gun website (link at bottom), cops says this bizarre ball basher got things started last week after her old man accused her of knocking over his joint and "swiping some of his belongings." And dude definitely picked the wrong broad to finger for thievery, apparently...

After hearing the accusation, this batty ball bruiser first allegedly took to slapping the old man around a bedroom. She next reportedly brandished a knife and asked the old man, "You Wanna Die!?!" And that was just for starters.

Next this nutty nut mauler forced the old man to strip down buck naked. Maybe she had a little makeup sex on her mind? Not on your damn life. Cops says this demented log splitter wrapped the old man's belt all around her paw and proceeded to "hit him several times right in the balls."

Likely being in a bit of pain at this point, the ball-beaten boyfriend reportedly "pleaded for his life," at which the ever-compassionate Bam Bam the ballbreaker permitted her old man to put his drawers back on (I just hope those were loose-fitting britches).

Next this crazed cracker jack crusher allegedly forced the old man to drive her to his house, all the while (on the way over) stabbing at his acorn-anguished ass with a big knife like he was a pelotas pinata.

Once back at the old man's joint, this bonkers Bam Bam ball breacher allegedly commenced "swiping" even more of the guy's stuff, this time including his DVD player, camera and phones. Then she spied his bank statement lying around the place!

So for good measure, this deranged ding dong drubber allegedly forced her old man back into the car to take her down to his local banking establishment. There he says he was forced to withdraw and fork over 500 bucks to Bam Bam, although he finally got loose and was able to sprint (at least as fast as his swollen stone sack would allow) to the nearest police station.

Now this crazy cojones clubber may have to pummel her next set of genitals down in the local hoosegow, as cops have slapped her package pounding hide (allegedly) with a bevy of felony charges that include sexual abuse, kidnapping and robbery. And with a $100,000 bond, methinks even all the family jewels and the old man's chattels put together ain't bringin' her loin lashin' carcass out the bullpen anytime soon.


Thursday, January 19, 2012

Junior's Got No Juice Box, Daddy Never Sleeps at Night: 5-Year-Old Allegedly Goes Ape & Shanks Family Members Over Juice Box Dispute!

There are some things in this life that you just don't do. Never take cancer sticks away from a nicotine fiend who's not looking to quit. Never try to snatch away a chumpchop from a pit bull once it's been tossed his way. And you can now add one to the list (apparently): Never fool around with a little shit's juice box lest you know what's good for ya...

This little five-year-old tike in Greene County, Virginia, must really live for that afternoon juice box fix -- and don't even get him started when it comes to breaking that routine (allegedly)...

Cops say that around 3:30 p.m. Monday, the little tot yanked out some sort of crude, makeshift shank (described as an "edged object") and used it to do a little carving on three family members after a "juice box dispute" broke out inside his home down at the local trailer park.

The juice fracas reportedly sent all three family members to the hospital and bought the little juice slicer a trip down to the hoosegow to undergo a mental evaluation, for some reason.

Neighbors say this little razor ruffian has terrorized the home before, allegedly with an "anger problem" that leads him to "physically abuse his mother." (Which, if true, would make this little alleged domestic carver about the most badass five-year-old that I've ever heard of).

Other neighbors, however, were more "shocked" by the news. One neighbor described the boy as a "happy go lucky little dude": "No problems, he was a good dude," said a neighbor named Nikoma Collins. And, indeed, nothing says "happy go lucky little dude" quite like hacking up a few family members with a sharp metal object (allegedly).

And local sheriff Steve Smith seems mystified too: "I've heard of juveniles throwing temper tantrums, but I've never heard of anything like this before," confided Smith. Isn't that what the cops used to always tell Dr. Loomis?

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Boy, That's Gracious of Her: Nancy Pelosi Joins in leftist 20 percenter "Warnings" to gop-ers that They Need to Nominate Someone Besides Romney...

As recently predicted in this space, get ready for a steady stream of democrat party people purporting -- out of the goodness of their sweet little hearts -- to provide right-wingers with some free "advice" about whom the gop-ers should nominate to take on the individual we currently have as president this fall.

The latest leftist 20 percenter to try to help out the republic partisans is none other than former Creature of the House Nancy Pelosi this week. Following the cue provided over the past few weeks by Obama political hatchet job David Axelrod and the White House itself, Pelosi said Tuesday that Romney isn't the gop-ers' "first string" candidate, is "not going to be the president," and lacks support from devout right-wingers because "they don't think he can win" (link at bottom).

Again, the translation: Please nominate some goof other than Romney, gop-ers, because he stands the best chance of beating Obama in November from among the current gop-er field. Not to mention, the lukewarm right-winger support for Romney has little to do with their assessment of his chances of winning, and everything to do with the fact that far right-wingers (who dominate the republic partisan party) don't believe that Romney is "conservative enough."

Put another way, the right-wingers wish they had a better candidate to the right of Romney for whom they could vote in the primaries. But the field is weak, and no such person has gained much traction against Romney.

Regardless, it's largely now a moot point, because Romney has the nomination largely sewed up at this point -- much to the chagrin of your Axelrods and Pelosis of the world. But at least they gave it the ol' college try, and I can't blame them: I'd rather run against a Gingrich, Santorum or Ron Paul too!


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

BBQ Joint to Customer: "No Tip, Uh? Why Don't You 'Go Fuck Yourself!'" A Boner of a Move?

Whatever you do, don't be a cheapskate at Boners BBQ in Hotlanta. And watch out you don't criticize the eats there, either! 'Cause they'll tell ya exactly what you can do with them complaints, not to mention exactly where you can stick your coupons and tight ass tips!

Boners claimed the above-pictured Stephanie Stuck recently came into the joint, used a coupon to cut her tab down to 40 bucks, then made a beeline for the exits without so much as leaving one red cent for a tip. And what's any upstanding BBQ dive gonna do when a customer leaves no tip like that? Head to the Net and start cussin' her out, of course! How else would you handle things?

Boners' manager reportedly went on the restaurant's Facebook and Twitter pages, posted a picture of Stuck, and basically told her to "go fuck yourself" -- literally (as shown above): "NOT WANTED! Stephanie S. left waitress 0.00 tip on a $40 tab after she received a Scoutmob discount. If you see this woman in your restaurant tell her to go outside and play, hide and go fuck yourself! Yelp that bitch!"

Only problem (beyond the obvious one that this might not be the best tactic to garner repeat business)? Stuck says the tab was only 30 bucks, and that she actually left a $10 tip. She also says the joint was just pissed because she posted an unfavorable online "Yelp" review of her Boners meal, calling the eats "tepid." And since this BBQ broad doesn't appear to miss too many meals, I'd bet her review was fairly spot on.

Apparently confronted with the truth, Boners reportedly scrambled to yank the "Go Fuck Yourself" blast from their websites faster than a shithouse visit following a slab of ribs and a side of beans. The joint -- which boasts the catchphrase, "Put a little south in your mouth" -- now has its foot in its own piehole and is in full damage-control mode, even offering up an apology to Stuck.

Boners' apology even admitted (fittingly) that it made a "bonehead move" with its little online curse job. Not that I can too overly condemn a nice little "G-F-Y" every now and then. But save it (like me) for the political realm, Boners, and spare the customers next time.

Monday, January 16, 2012

And the Golden Globe Goes To: Four of My Favorite TV Show Actors from the Past Year in Peter Dinklage, Jessica Lange, Claire Danes & Kelsey Grammer...

I typically pay only scant attention to these awards shows for reasons that include the people whom I think should win never do. But I can't say that about the 2012 edition of the Golden Globe Awards, which decorated actors from my two favorite new shows of the past year -- Peter Dinklage/"Game of Thrones" and Jessica Lange/"American Horror Story" -- not to mention giving a well-deserved award to Claire Danes' performance in another new show ("Homeland," in which Danes stole the show) and Kelsey Grammer on a fourth one ("Boss," my third-favorite new TV show of the last 12 months).

When Dinklage's midget "Tyrion Lannister" character wasn't cursing or whoring up a storm, or giving his pathetic full-size nephew Joffrey a good beatdown, or showing surprising spontaneous compassion for those he called "cripples, bastards and broken things," then he was taking a hooker to the King's court against his powerful old man's wishes or was being told to make sure to "stay low" during an upcoming battle with enemy forces. The Tyrion character was the most complex, interesting and entertaining character on a show full of them, and Dinklage pulled it off like it a master. He didn't get this award because he's a midget. Rather, he got it because he was that good.

Jessica Lange was nearly equally masterful on F/X's creepy new "American Horror Story," in which she played the demented Southern Belle next-door neighbor who -- when she's not sleeping with much younger males, delivering seriously poisoned pastries to the neighbors, or whacking out her hubby and his maid lover -- seems to most enjoy herself dressing down and berating the various maniacal "ghosts" (including poor said maid) who inhabit the joint next-door. And kudos to film-star Lange being willing to mix it up on the small screen, where I recall her saying that a cable TV series like AHS (with its shorter cable season) worked perfectly for a more time-strapped schedule.

I didn't like Showtime's "Homeland" nearly as much as GOT or AHS, but I watched the entire first season largely due to Claire Danes and her show-stealing performance as the ultra-psychotic US intelligence agent who constantly seems just one step away from having a complete mental breakdown (know the damn feeling!). Hope this performance and award help propel her to more big screen roles in the years to come. We could use better and improved psychos in American film!

Kelsey Grammer finally broke away from that damn pesky Frazier. And in a big way. His Starz show "Boss" never mentioned the democrat party or the republic partisan party, and it didn't need to. That world is a world of slimeballs regardless of party, and Grammer played the Mayor of Chicago as if he was the ultimate King of the political sleazebuckets. No funny lines, no quips, no light moments. Just scuz. I never even once thought of Frazier Crane when watching that show -- a tribute to Grammer's ability to step into a whole different kind of role and kick ass. I'm just surprised Rahm Emanuel, the Daley Dynasty and the individual we currently have as president haven't yet sued Grammer and "Boss" for divulging some of their best dirty tricks with neither proper attribution nor compensation.


Friday, January 13, 2012

democrat party Chairman Patty "Wasserman" Simpson Blames tea party & republic partisans For the Arizona Massacre -- Which Happened Over a Year Ago...

Sometimes I think "Wasserman" Simpson's brain just don't work so well. Over a year it takes her to blame the tea party and right-wingers for the Arizona Massacre? That of course was the event in early January 2011 in which six people were shot dead by the above-pictured deranged slimeball Jared Loughner (allegedly), and democrat party U.S. representative Gabrielle Giffords was badly wounded...

Immediately, and predictably, American leftist 20 percenters blamed Sarah Palin, right-wingers, the tea party, and the republic partisan party in general, for causing the massacre through use of "uncivil" rhetoric.

Never mind, of course, that this Loughner slug turned out to have no apparent affiliation with any particular party or ideology. Also never mind that leftist 20 percenters telling anyone to use more "civility" is sort of like an Alabama shithouse telling a fellow shithouse in Mississippi that it stinks real bad.

But regardless of any of that, THAT WAS OVER A YEAR AGO! I blogged on it over a year ago (link at bottom). "Wasserman" Simpson needs some new material. And material of this particular (low) quality ain't even hard to conjure up. People get murdered in America every day. Blame some of those on your political opponents if you must. At least that mindless extremist blather would be timely.