That cold-hearted stare you see above belongs to one bona fide ball buster (allegedly). She's 24-year-old Savannah "Bam Bam" Rios outta Utah, and cops there have nailed her nutcracker ass for allegedly terrorizing her boyfriend's coin purse and then trying to heist all his coin to boot!As reported on the venerable Smoking Gun website (link at bottom), cops says this bizarre ball basher got things started last week after her old man accused her of knocking over his joint and "swiping some of his belongings." And dude definitely picked the wrong broad to finger for thievery, apparently...
After hearing the accusation, this batty ball bruiser first allegedly took to slapping the old man around a bedroom. She next reportedly brandished a knife and asked the old man, "You Wanna Die!?!" And that was just for starters.
Next this nutty nut mauler forced the old man to strip down buck naked. Maybe she had a little makeup sex on her mind? Not on your damn life. Cops says this demented log splitter wrapped the old man's belt all around her paw and proceeded to "hit him several times right in the balls."
Likely being in a bit of pain at this point, the ball-beaten boyfriend reportedly "pleaded for his life," at which the ever-compassionate Bam Bam the ballbreaker permitted her old man to put his drawers back on (I just hope those were loose-fitting britches).Next this crazed cracker jack crusher allegedly forced the old man to drive her to his house, all the while (on the way over) stabbing at his acorn-anguished ass with a big knife like he was a pelotas pinata.
Once back at the old man's joint, this bonkers Bam Bam ball breacher allegedly commenced "swiping" even more of the guy's stuff, this time including his DVD player, camera and phones. Then she spied his bank statement lying around the place!
So for good measure, this deranged ding dong drubber allegedly forced her old man back into the car to take her down to his local banking establishment. There he says he was forced to withdraw and fork over 500 bucks to Bam Bam, although he finally got loose and was able to sprint (at least as fast as his swollen stone sack would allow) to the nearest police station.
Now this crazy cojones clubber may have to pummel her next set of genitals down in the local hoosegow, as cops have slapped her package pounding hide (allegedly) with a bevy of felony charges that include sexual abuse, kidnapping and robbery. And with a $100,000 bond, methinks even all the family jewels and the old man's chattels put together ain't bringin' her loin lashin' carcass out the bullpen anytime soon.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/utah-testicle-attacker-busted-761234
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Postscript: I'm struggling to wrap my hands around the rationale for why any Man would embrace this broad as either a girlfriend or, for that matter, someone whom a Real Man would ever go around taking orders from? My only logical conclusion: She must have a Big Rack (can't tell from the pic). Big Rack's do tend to dictate to men. BUT if she doesn't, then this Assclown REALLY has no damn excuse whatsoever for letting a dame punk him as if he was a newborn Sheltie puppy. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteUm, she looks as mean as a snake. For real. I wouldn't want to meet her in a dark alley, and I don't even have balls.....
ReplyDeleteAnd as one of those, maybe she belongs better down in the state snake pit rather than the hoosegow. But that's a matter for the authorities.
ReplyDeleteYou know, she could have gone all Lorena Bobbitt on the guy.....I guess it can always be worse, right? =)
ReplyDeleteYes, this Bam Bam DeVille might be accorded a certain ounce of accommodation due to the restraint she extended to her victim. She could've hacked the tallywhacker right on off, but instead she chose only to bludgeon it! It's sort of like this hollow "spirit of cooperation and respect" that the partisans on both sides are always bellowing about. "Could be worse," was a great way to put it!
ReplyDeleteAnd Further Postscript: Just so long as I could have a fair fight with this ultra-demented ballbreaker broad, I'd take her on. 20 paces, face to face, in a fair quick-draw gunfight, I'd take her on. Note how I insisted upon a certain distance from the freak be inherent to the equation.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha....I laughed out loud!! The distance IS inherent to the equation...your momma didn't raise no fool =)
ReplyDeleteI was devolving into Deadwood-speak right there. Damn HBO is running all the Deadwood episodes through On Demand in recent weeks in very quick rotation. Like half a season (about6-7 episodes) per week. I've been struggling to keep up and have resorted to starting to talk like the freaks on that show!
ReplyDeleteAs long as you don't start using the "C" word all the time =)
ReplyDeleteThere are two prominent "C" words used on Deadwood. So you'll have to be more specific.
ReplyDeleteIt's 3 syllables.....does that help? =)
ReplyDeleteSo it's OK if I use the one-syllable one here and there?
ReplyDeleteSure =) You can do whatever you like, you da MAN! (hint - the word in question is: c*******er)
ReplyDeleteFunny, but I'd think you'd find the four-letter C word a lot more offensive.
ReplyDeleteOh, I do! I didn't know they said that on the show though....I've only heard the really long one. And they used it alot. So, was the 4 letter C word actually a word that people used back in those old west days??
ReplyDeleteThe 4-letter version was used often on the show, but not nearly as much as the longer one. From what I've read, the words considered vile curse words and phrases in the 1870's would seem tame and/or nonsensical in the modern age to a current audience. So the creators of the show made the decision to use modern curse words, many of which wouldn't have been used back then. The two C words may well fall in that category.
ReplyDeleteThat was my thought too....I was skeptical about it when I saw it a time or two...both words just sound too modern day. Or maybe I was just too sheltered as a kid and had never heard them until much more recently. That's entirely possible, by the way =)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, the word "cunt" was a foul word, but wasn't nearly the blasphemy that it is today. In 2012, it's one of the worst words a person can use, at least according to society. Exhibit 1: Larry David focusing on it in TWO episodes, one involving an obituary that used the word and another involving a poker game in which Larry actually called a closet gay guy that word. In both situations, it didn't work out so well for Larry.
ReplyDeleteNothing much ever works out so well for Larry, does it?! haha! Makes us laugh though =)
ReplyDeleteThe best thing that ever worked out for him was meeting Leon Black as his de facto sidekick and muscle man.
ReplyDelete