Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Disproportionate Response: "McDonald's Drive-Thru Patron Pulled Gun Over Missing Cheeseburger." That's Not Justice, My Friend...

Retaliations that don't fit the slight have no place in the criminal world. None. Like when Don Vito Corleone refuses to whack out the sleazejobs that carved up Bonasera's daughter. "That is not justice, your daughter is still alive," the Don waxed philosophic to his undertaker friend. Instead, the Godfather ordained that the culprits suffer just as the broad had suffered (i.e., something in the way of torture but short of getting whacked).

Which brings me to this cheeseburger caper in Tennessee, where cops say 21-year-old Demetri Johnson brandished a gun at employees when his order was missing a sandwich.  Dude! What were you thinking?!?

I might be able to see it if he'd been gypped a premium sandwich, like a Big Mac, Quarter Pounder or McRib. Those damn things cost like four freakin' bucks nowadays.

But a cheeseburger? That's what, a buck plus tax? Something like that simply never warrants an full-on aggravated assault (allegedly).

My best advice to Quick Draw McGraw over there is to keep your gun under the seat next time. A Dollar Menu item ain't never worth much more than a good punch in the schnoz or maybe a couple 'a eye gouges.

Cheap food for thought. And for Sagan's Sake, Demetri, don't ever make the mistake of takin' this weak-ass shit to the Don on the day of his daughter's wedding.


Tuesday, December 23, 2014

New Study: "Men Who Like Spicy Food Are Likely To Be Alpha Males." But I'm Calling Bullshit...

You can't make a dish too spicy for me (and I'm talking culinary preferences here, not broads, although the same principle applies equally to both). I've yet to meet a good grub plate that had too much red pepper flake, street-grade horseradish, or habanero hot sauce sloshed all over it. The hotter the better, damn you!

So someone best inform these Grenoble University researchers that they gots it all wrong over there. Because I ain't no "alpha male." I've got about as much desire to be a high-strung prick who goes around imposing my will on others as I do to take my hot sauce up the ass from Dick Cheney down at Gitmo (even if porn stars do swear by the method of hot-pepper-laced rectal rehydration as the best cure out there for a flacid frankfurter. I digress).

But, while I want no part of ordaining edicts, decrees, dictates or ultimatums on either the laws or everyday behaviors of others (I'll leave that sort of thing to Obama, his leftist 20 percenters, and other "alpha male" louts everywhere), it can also be said that with two solitary exceptions, no one tells me what to do. (Employers (I gotta earn, don't I?) and cops ('cause they'll beat the livin' fuck out of me otherwise) garner those lone 2 exemptions, BTW).

In short, rather than bearing any relation whatsoever to alpha assholes, what I'm feelin' over here is a most definite correlation between love of blast furnace hot eats and being an Independent.

So I'm officially givin' Grenoble a chance to go do some of that shit the slimeball politicians are always trumpeting (ya know, "recalibrating," "pivoting," "evolving," "robusting" -- all that mindless crap) and then shoot me some new study results in a few weeks. They need only mention "Independent" once in the banner and then 1 or 2 additional times in the body. I'm evolving like that.


Tuesday, December 16, 2014

May-December Dirtbags: Central States Should Be on the Lookout For These Two Slimeballs After The Old and the Not-So-Beautiful Escape from the Kentucky State Pen...

The story's from WDKY Fox 56 in Lexington, Kentucky. The two brutes were in the joint for thievery before their escape. But what strikes me as Pinkel-remarkable about this item is the almost laughable age disparity between this troublesome tandem of thieves!

First you have this Joshua Stephenson, whom I wouldn't be surprised to find out just dropped out of Harlan High School and straight into the Boyd Crowder crew in a final season episode of "Justified."

Next up in this unlikely den of thieves is this old, eye-patch totin' Michael Fleet character, who looks like something out of a bad western picture from 1969. And does Kentucky really allow old fat white-bred cons to wear big shitkicker hats and burnt sienna ascots around the hoosegow?

But that should make Fleet, at least, easy to spot for all of us flyover peons. Just keep an eye out for a one-eyed old fat man flouting the gun control laws atop Beau the Horse. Hell, you'll probably be able to smell this thievin' fatass old cattle poacher a mile away!


Friday, December 12, 2014

I Could Give a $$$uck? "Cash-Strapped Mother-of-Four Reveals She Is Selling Her Own Breast Milk to Fund Children's Christmas Presents"!

It's a bit of a sad story that this 26-year-old broad Rebecca Hudson must resort to bartering her bazonga booze in order to make nips meet this holiday season.  But the full-bosomed flipside of this sick equation is even more deranged...

I NEVER would've thunk that there is actually a viable market out there comprised of grown men willing to pay to suckle on a lactating lady's lampposts. Non-pasteurized, no less. Talk about an outbreak of amoebic dysentery just a waitin' to happen.


Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Hail the Tricky Dick (Or Else): "Obama Launches Profanity Laced Tirades Against the Press"...

Which just goes to show:  If surveillance and harassment of the media do not at first succeed, then try try the more direct approach.


Friday, December 5, 2014

"Yes, They're Real!" But Was 25-Year-Old Model Gabi Grecko Trying to Assure Us About Her Bazooms or About Her Claim That She's a Couple With This 71-Year-Old Coffin Dodger!?

This Aussie lassie Gabi recently took to an airplane shithouse to snap the above-featured side-teet Instagram. And I wouldn't ponder the mystery too long of what she be talkin' 'bout with her accompanying "Realsville" claim...

Her 71-year-old fossil fiance Geoffrey Edelsten is a filthy rich medical entrepreneur, so I'd assume Gabi's upcoming marriage to the medical miser makes perfectly green sense to her. I mean, this broad refers to her bellarmine benefactor as "Father Christmas," for Chrissakes!

That leaves as the only issue those two big ivory cannons and the question of their authenticity. On that front, I personally doubt this dame's plane claim. But who really gives a rat's ass? Gazonaga Gabi gets the moolah, and Father Christmas gets the milk. Qualms over enhanced delivery devices are for windbagged wienerwursts.


Tuesday, December 2, 2014

G-O-Pea-Brained Priorities: gop-ers Don't Talk About the National Debt Anymore (Now $18 Trillion), Apparently More Interested in Such Things As Ravaging the Obama Daughters on Thanksgiving...

I've noticed that even the right-winger gop-ers the past few years couldn't give a rat's ass (even in their usual meaningless lip service) about the ever-growing, increasingly stifling, and future-threatening $18 trillion national debt. Pray tell why?

Maybe it's because they think it's no big deal now that Obama's only adding about a half trillion to the debt this year (after Obama collected a record one-third trillion in taxes the past 8 weeks), as opposed to the full trillion or more that he added to the debt in previous years? "Progress," as the leftist 20 percenters like to cluck -- we're digging our own graves at a slower pace this year!

Or, maybe the right-wingers are just tired of being hypocrites, since W Bush was the worst debt accumulator in American history not named Obama? (Obama's added 70% to the national debt on his watch).

Or, maybe it's just that the gop-ers don't want to talk about the national debt since they have more important things to tackle these days?  Like the outfits (shown above) worn by Obama daughters Sasha and Malia on Thanksgiving, for starters... 

Some gop-er communications director broad named Elizabeth Lauten (also shown above) saw fit to take to the facebook over the holiday weekend to slam the girls as "classless" for dressing like they want "a spot at a bar" and for "making faces" at the annual White House "turkey pardon." (I don't agree with extending Jonathan Gruber a pass, BTW, but that's a topic for a different day.)

Never mind that neither daughter's typical teen attire nor facial expressions looked anything inappropriate to me. That's beside the point.  Because even if they'd strolled out there lookin' like strip joint floozies with a couple of garments gone, the president's and presidential candidates' kids (particularly when the politician has a "D" next to the name) are always off limits -- as untouchable as talking about the national debt these days, apparently.

Meantime, Lauten the Lout has since reportedly "prayed," apologized, and then resigned over the incident. Maybe she asked the Almighty for a brain. With messengers like her, the gop-ers might actually win the presidency again in another two, three hundred years. You know, around the same time that a gop-er or democrat party follower actually professes to give a fuck about the destruction they've wrought on the rest of us for 14 long years now.


Thursday, November 27, 2014

No Turkey Day Porker Any Longer: A Healthy Jessica Simpson Shows Off Her Sweater Suckles in "Ultra-Sheer Top"!

Damn.  Thems, I mean she's, lookin' good these days (pics from a recent stroll in the Big Apple with her old man).

And Methinks me sees some nipsicles! Which itself raises a critical point:

I've never understood why so many broads eschew the ultra-sheer?!? It's downright boring having only the cleavage to stare at all the time.

After all, a bazonga without a bullseye is kinda like an ass without a hole.  What the fuck good is that for anybody?


Friday, November 21, 2014

So He Finally Gets Around to It After All These Years? Obama Announces He Will Ordain by Executive Order that Five Million Illegal Immigrants Shall Be Deemed de facto "Legal"...

"I Will Make It Legal," scowled Senator Palpatine. But no worries -- Palpatine didn't become The Emperor until much later on. Besides, I have always since the start thought that Obama carries himself (and is treated) much more like a monarch than an emperor or president. But regardless...

Ya know, I absolutely hate for either (1) Obama and his leftist democrat party minions or (2) the right-winger gop-ers to ever dictate to me what I'm going to talk about on a particular day just because they happened to pick that day to pull some of their slimy partisan horseshit.  But I do gots a few quickies here when it comes to His Majesty's TV "announcement" (of what we've known for almost a year is coming) on Thursday night:

-Strikes me that the Congress (with a gop-er party so beholden to the Chamber of Commerce and big business lobby) will probably pass immigration legislation in the next few years that will accomplish the same thing Obama is now set to dictate through executive order. So what's so freakin' earth-shattering here? Well, not so earth-shattering except, that is, for the putrid U.S. job market, which needs this cudgel blow to the gut like a midget needs a playful frolic through a car crusher. But explain to me when Obama has ever during his presidency given a rat's ass about jobs or the ongoing plight of the "stupid" American worker? Except for doing damage, Obama's done little on the jobs issue over the years apart from espousing the bare "minimum," in more ways than one.

-When a future president with an "R" next to his name cites to the current precedent being set by Obama in order to sign a similarly sweeping, constitutionally overreaching executive order that should be left to Congressional legislation (as Obama said to Hispanic audiences myriad times in recent years before taking the opposite position now), and when the leftist 20 percenters start going their typical apeshit and marching in the streets over said action by the "R" guy, I am going to laugh out loud (literally) right in all of their sleazy little leftist faces. Hypocrisy and taking opposite positions when convenient are the den of group-thinking, dim-opinioned dolts, after all, and never a more hypocritical lot will you meet than the leftist ideologues -- an angry, rotgut group of clones who take "the ends justify the means" mentality to the deepest depths of human depravity.

-Obama could have easily pushed (and had the Congress pass) immigration legislation in his first two years in office (recall those now long-gone democrat party House and Senate super-majorities?), but chose instead to ignore the issue back then (plus more important issues like jobs and exploding debt and deficits) in favor of a year's worth of groveling over Cap'n Trade (first) and Obamacare (for an excruciatingly long second). Gosh, what a warrior for the immigrants!!! Far from being "forced" to decree this executive order now, the truth about the ever-deceitful Obama is that he simply didn't care enough to ever push the immigration issue until he had the chickenshit political cover of his lame-duck presidency. I mean, do you have any idea how many rounds of golf this individual could've gotten in this week if not for all the time he had to spend on this whole executive order thingy? But never fear. He's in Vegas today. He'll make up for lost time.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Rotten Guys Finish First? Hot Little Number Anna Hansen Is STILL With Disgraced Bike Jockey Lance Armstrong!?!

Look at that broad! Good Grief, she's healthy! Which is why I don't understand why she continues to stay with her cheatin', dopin', lyin' humiliation of an old man?

Put another way, I don't imagine there's a company, organization, celebrity or public figure worldwide that would touch Lance Armstrong with a ten-foot pole these days, but this biker babe still allows him to touch her headlights and bike basket with his grubby little paws and ten-speeder?

When the Dodgers' old manager Leo Durocher coined the phrase, "Nice guys finish last" in 1946, I wonder if this is what Leo The Lip had in mind? (Maybe not, since I've never seen a broad in one of them '40s pictures that looked anything like Anna Hansen).

At the very least, however, maybe I should look into this whole "act like dirt, get up a skirt" thing. Worst case scenario: The dish calls me an asshole and tries to take a poke at me. But I'm already used to that kinda treatment.


Thursday, November 13, 2014

Bossified: Old-Fangled Bruce Springsteen Angers "Concert for Valor" Crowd with Ancient Anti-War Song, But Says Not Word One About Obama's Current Bombing of Iraq & American Boots on the Ground There...

At this week's Veterans Day "Concert for Valor" on the Mall in Washington DC, the old leftist 20 percenter warhorse Bruce Springsteen perturbed concertgoers by performing a tune almost as old as him (and he didn't even write it) -- John Fogerty and Creedence Clearwater Revival's old protest song, "Fortunate Son."  "I ain't no military son!", screeched the old-timer to jeers from the crowd.

Never mind that it's the leftist hero of Springsteen and 20 percenters everywhere -- Mr. 38%, Barack Obama -- who's currently bombing the hell out of Iraq and who announced this week that he's going to send even more boots on the ground (errr, "advisors") over there...

What an Inconvenient Truth, of course. So ol' Brucey Boy made damn sure to keep his mouth shut about that. Courageous. Jonathan Gruber pats on the back to the broken down old bossman.

And so goes the timeless hypocrisy of the ideologues, whether leftist or right-winger:  Make noise, protest, march in the streets, and go apeshit over this issue or that one just so long as the President has the appropriate letter next to his name! Otherwise, shut your piehole and sing some old songs or something.

Meantime Springsteen's 60s-flashback performance this week only buttresses the growing national talking point that the leftist democrat party is ever-increasingly the party of moth-eaten old fossils like Springsteen, Hilary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, Harry Reid, Claire McCaskill, "Bernie" Sanders, Jerry Brown and Nancy Pelosi -- with the party's youthful bench all but depleted given the 2014 election wipeout and Obama's forced retirement in two years...

To which talking point, I have to say:  Grandpa and Grandma, you never looked so awful!


Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Scrub Out: Nurse Allegedly "Killed Up to 38 Patients Because She Found Them Annoying"! But Here's Some Tips For Dealing With This Broad If You Draw Her at the Hospital...

Look at that sly little grin! She's 42-year-old Italian nurse Daniela Poggiali (pictured above), and she's suspected of whacking out up to 38 of her patients... 

But, believe it or not, it ain't actually the end of the world if she gets assigned to your bed down to the hospital. Here are some of my best suggestions for interacting with this hardcore healthcare worker if the need should ever arise:

- "My stool has just been the tops, Nurse Danny, ever since you came on shift today."

- "Don't you worry about my bedpan. I'll clean it. You gots more important things to do."

- "No, the commissary didn't bring my supper, but I'm still absolutely stuffed from that scrumptious Shepard's Pie they brought up for lunch!"

- "I'm not paying any attention to that TV news. You go ahead and switch it right on over to Oprah."

- "Some hobo came in here and pushed that call-nurse button. I really don't need a thing. And I'm gonna call security on that bum."

- "Doc wrote down that I was complaining of bed sores? No, I was just remarking that Mr. Horowitz in the next bed snores."

- "I don't need no sponge bath. If anything, I should be comin' down to the nurse station and waiting on you!"

- "Pain level? That would be a big fat Zero, Nurse Danny. Gout of the left tit never felt so good!"


Wednesday, November 5, 2014

gop-er party Takes U.S. Senate Majority, & Adds to Its Majority in the U.S. House: Who Gives a Fuck?

Right-wingers nationwide hail this as a great victory, while leftist 20 percenters cried before the election (even if many now spin to the contrary) that this Senate shakeup means the world's coming to an end. But Bullshit to both of 'em, as usual... 

I would like anyone to explain to me how anything on the national landscape is any different today than it was yesterday? Yes, gridlock still rules, which is good, but we already had gridlock and it accomplishes little apart from preventing either rotten party from causing too much damage. And yes, the gop-ers will probably now depress the "nuclear option" button pushed by Senate Majority Leech Harry Reid and the democrat party for judicial and executive nominations, which is also good, but most Americans have no idea what that even means and it has no impact upon existing Senate rules regarding the passage of legislation.

So how are things really any different today?  How are they any different than yesterday for the average working American who isn't a partisan ideologue and simply wants a job with an ounce of job security and an opportunity for advancement and higher wages/salary through hard work?  How is anything any different for the average working American whose main goal in life is to see his kids do a little better in life than he did?

Ans: It's not any different today, and nothing's changed. Even simple, rather modest dreams like having a fighting chance to better yourself and the future of your children are increasingly a thing of the past in the utterly depressed America of W Bush and the individual (Mr. 38%) we currently have as a president.  Household incomes remain stagnant, people can't find decent jobs and continue to leave the labor force in droves, and the young people today of all races and ethnicities face a far bleaker future than any group of American young people in generations.

And things won't change as long as we continue to bitterly cling to this rotten two-party system and the radical democrat party and the gop-er party (a foul mix of extremists and political fat cat career politicians) that inhabit that same system. These people don't give a shit about you or your family, but rather care only about cementing and continuing their own political power (first and foremost) and forcing their radical horseshit world views down your throat (second and not far behind).

Until we tear up this corrupt, self-interested, extreme-controlled political system and start electing Independent men and women of good will who care about the best interests of the American people, this country will only continue its rapid decline down the shitter. And no change from "D" to "R" (or vice versa) in the presidency or the Congress is gonna make any freakin' difference...

Or, you can just keep voting for these two creep parties over and over and over again, never dreaming of or demanding anything better.  That's ultimately your choice, not mine.  But you can be something so much better, America.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Halloween Treat: "If I Want Casual Sex, I'll Do It!," Proclaims "Gone Girl" & "Blurred Lines" Broad Emily Ratajkowski, Posting Hot New Twitter Pic!

The 23-year-old model/actress further spouts to Cosmopolitan:  "I feel lucky that I can wear what I want, sleep with who I want, and dance how I want, and still be a feminist." [Shouldn't that be "whom," BTW?]

Adds this budding nuclear scientist for further amplification:  "If I want to have casual sex, I'll do it! I'm not the girl who will handcuff someone the first time I sleep with him. But I'm also not going to cry during sex because I think it is so romantic."

Now, while I was tempted at first blush to react to all this with, "Where can I sign up baby!," this hot little number's invocation of such notions as handcuffings and having a good cry during sex gives me more than just a little pause...

You see, Rager hates doll drama and forced confinements. Those things are kind of a real downer. So sorry, toots. You're just gonna have to look elsewhere for your next slut slough.


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

SNAPSHOT: Nebraska High School Allows Students to Pose With Guns in School Pictures! Where Were Some of These Lax Restrictions When I Was a Schoolboy?

Ordained recently by the Broken Bow, Nebraska, School District: 17 and 18-year-old students may pose with weapons (and presumably other props) in their school pics just so long as the pics "don't depict violence towards humanity"...

Now, much like Michelle ObamaMeals, the banning of corporal punishment, and the renaming of offensive terms like "Halloween party" and "Christmas break," this new gun initiative again takes American schools in a direction I would've thunk unfathomable a few decades ago.

But what the hell do I know over here? ALL in the name of "Progress" and "conser*ative values," right? Just wish I was still in high school to take advantage. Adhering closely to the new Broken Bow policy, here's some of the directions I might've taken my senior photos:

- Pose with a big pair of brass knuckles:  I figure I fully comply with the policy as long as I keep my arm and fist limp at my side like a ragdoll. A raised pair of knucks, in contrast, might be construed as a threat towards humanity.

- Utilize a Glock 22 handgun, complete with silencer:  I might holster the sidearm, but the silencer would present difficulties with that. So instead I'd simply place it harmlessly on a decorative pedestal next to me. How quaint!

- Brandish an unsheathed Samurai sword:  It could be part of a harmless "Games of Thrones" motif, incorporating for good measure a midget and one of those Ned Stark dummy heads from Season 1 that looks like W Bush. [And no opposition here to an Obama rodeo clown mask, just for fairness, Yael Abouhalkah.]

- Blast off a Civil War cannon as the camera flashes:  It ain't violence, after all, if I don't aim the artillery at anyone in particular.

- Include a couple of broads from down to the local titty bar:  No violence towards humanity there, lest you count their meat puppets as loaded weapons.

- Depict Hot Teacher paddlin' my ass with a 2X4:  It wouldn't be a real swat, and besides Rager's been a naughty boy who could use a little correction (and more than just a good talking-to).

The possibilities here, it would seem, are endless. Don't even get me started on buggy whips and riding crops.


Friday, October 24, 2014

I Am Getting SICK & TIRED of All the Smartphone Pics & Midwest Belly-Achin' Over the Michelle ObamaMeals in the Local Schools...

...Don't these pessimistic little punks and their un-progres*ive parents realize that if they were in Syria or Somalia or Iraq right about now, these would be the best meals they'd get to shove down their peon pieholes all month long!?!?

So shut the fuck up and eat your cauliflower and prune juice, ya bitterly clingin' flyover ingrates, ya.


Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Deadbeat democrat? "Obama's JPMorgan Credit Card Denied at Restaurant on New York City Trip." The Outrage!

How dare JPMorgan!  Just because Obama's America can no longer pay its bills does NOT mean that Obama on a personal level shouldn't still be extended credit... 

Here's how it is: I've never read or known Obama to be a big spender or debt accumulator when it comes to his own jack. This One Percenter Dude's worth way north of 10 million bucks for Chrissakes!

And while Obama and predecessor W Bush may be the two most irresponsible, shameless and destructive spenders of your money that the country has ever seen, that hardly translates to Obama's own credit rating, which I would imagine is quite stellar.

My one inescapable conclusion here is that JPMorgan is obviously racist and really could use a good IRS audit or Federal Reserve investigation. Where the hell's Eric Holder and Lois Lerner when we really need them?


Friday, October 17, 2014

I'm SO Close: Stacking Up With "The Five Things Jennifer Lawrence Is Looking For in a Boyfriend"...

Hey, Rager can hang! In November's Vanity Fair, the recent nude-photo-leaked (and Hunger Games and American Hustle star) Jennifer Lawrence divulged the five prerequisites that she has before a dude can become her old man, and I ain't too shabby on this shit!  Check it:

1. A Guy Who Likes Reality Television:  I'm there, babe! From "Amish Mafia" to "The Devils Ride" (and maybe even a few others in between), just paint me a Reality TV-watchin' fool!

2. A Guy Who Will Fart in Front of Her:  Five words: Five bean burritos, one sitting. I gots this broad covered!

3. Not Gluten-Free:  Wouldn't I first have to know what "gluten" is before I could possibly be free of it?  Regardless, feel "free" to call me the Gluten Glutton!

4. Love of Larry David:  No need for me to even primp and posture on this one:  "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Seinfeld" are two of my favorite shows ever. Titmouse!

5. Someone Who Doesn't Argue:  Oh, Fuck! I'm OUT. To me, life is just one big argument! One never-ending expression of disrespect for the bullshit opinions of others. But I was golden on #1 through #4. So while wedding bells may not be in store, hows a bouts we just be friends with benefits, Jen?