Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Halloween Eve Inspires List of the Five Most Maniacal Moments So Far from Current Seasons of AMC & FX Shockfests "The Walking Dead" & "American Horror Story: Coven"...

These great moments in American television are culled from the fall episodes (current short-lived seasons) of "The Walking Dead" ("TWD") and "American Horror Story: Coven" ("AHS"), and so therefore -- Spoiler Alert!  In no particular order (except somewhat chronological): 

-AHS: Eat Your Heart Out, Django! As pictured above,19th Century slaveholder Kathy Bates is transplanted into modern times (don't ask), where she promptly starts letting the racist epithets fly at African-American witch Queenie. Bad move, as the non-witch Bates ultimately ends up as Queenie's "slave." But that one quickly goes awry (as one might imagine) when Queenie for some reason tries to seduce Bates' previous monstrous creation -- a half-bull, half-slave individual known as the Minotaur Man. Ouch.

-TWD: It's Raining Zombies, Hallelujah!  Daryl and others from the prison clan make a road trip to try to lift supplies from an abandoned superstore. Little do they know, however, that a crashed helicopter has weakened the structure's roof and a horde of zombies is up on that roof! On the bright side, the alcoholic Bob resists the temptation to get his drink on inside the store, but that poignant moment is ruined when the roof starts giving way and dozens of zombies fall from the sky to attack the humans. (Open question: How in the hell did all those zombies get up on the roof in the first place?!? They can't climb stuff! They're dead -- they're all messed up!)

-AHS: Innocent Bystander. Hottie witch Madison (before "The Supreme" Witch Jessica Lange whacks her out) is drugged and raped at a frat party, but takes her just revenge on the offending frat creeps by imposing her mental powers and causing their party bus to fly into the air and crash in a fiery mess. Unfortunately, however, innocent Kyle is also killed in the melee, leading to Madison's rather ill-conceived decision to create a Frankenstein Kyle from various hand-picked body parts from the bus crash dead (as pictured above; storyline continued below).

-TWD: Stuck in Traffic. As pictured above, it's a reunion of HBO's "The Wire," as Tyreese Cutty and D'Angelo Bob (with Michonne riding shotgun) hop into the back seat of Daryl's souped up rod for another road trip to go find antibiotics to cure the deadly flu afflicting the humans staying at the prison.  But when the foursome quickly encouters a zombie horde of 1000s out on the road, Daryl is forced to put the car in full reverse and quickly gets the back wheels stuck on a pile of zombie corpses (spewing zombie parts everywhere as Daryl spins his wheels in futility). (Another open question: After Michonne blamed the coarse-looking Daryl for giving her "flees" earlier in the episode, why in the hell was she riding up front with him anyway?)

-AHS: The Revenge of Frankenstein. So Madison creates Frankenstein Kyle; then witch Zoe props up Frankenstein Kyle head-first against Mama's front door, rings the doorbell, and runs away (that was hilarious!). Mama (who thought Kyle be dead) is SO happy to see her boy, although he no longer speaks in coherent words and doesn't appear to be quite the same person as he once was. The happy homecoming really goes sour when Mama promptly resumes her prior molestation of Kyle (who, as a result of Madison's tinkering, now has a porn-star size Anthony's Weiner), but Kyle's unable to reach climax (as Mama laments). Pervert Mom does get her comeuppance, however, when sonny soon thereafter caves her head in.

Memorable moments like these, and much more I would assume, are still to come as AHS and TWD continue this week on Wednesday and Sunday nights. Hell, we're only three episodes in!

Monday, October 28, 2013

"It Ain't Gun Control We Need, It's Sin Control": Cuban Leftist Fidel Castro Takes a Sharp Turn to the Right!

I think I've now seen it all. What's next? The Duck Dynasty guys extolling the virtues of abortion and deficit spending?

Friday, October 25, 2013

The Old Man From Hell: Hubby Convicted for Giving His Old Lady a Good Beating with a Spoon, and a Whole Lotta More, When She Wouldn't Call Him "Sir" in Front of the Kids!

He's 45-year-old Dan "Dirty" Kirby Kopp (pictured above) of Ephrata, Pennsylvania, and a jury there has found him guilty of lowering the boom on his wife just about any time she refused to refer to him as "Sir" in front of the little shits (links below). And indeed, I'd think a broad would rather be married to a deranged wildebeest than THIS:

-Dirty Kirby reportedly found the failure to call him "Sir" at all times to be highly "disrespectful towards him in front of the children" and "disobedient to him for undermining his parenting."

-The apparently typical beatdown that would ensue involved Dirty Kirby whipping out a big wooden spoon and laying the wood to the old lady something awful.

-On another occasion, Dirty Kirby was reportedly caught on tape threatening to come after his wife with a "wooden paddle."

-And just to mix things up, Dirty Kirby's also been known to "regularly hold his wife down over his knee and spank her so she would 'learn a lesson.'"

-He even once threatened to go all Exorcist and shit on the old lady's ass, saying he was of a mind to "'cast the demons out of her' next time she disobeyed him."

One of Dirty Kirby's defenses, undoubtedly, was that he did give the old lady every opportunity to comply with his demented dictates: As caught on video, Dirty Kirby is seen "showing her the spoon and giving her a 'count of three to comply' with his demand of addressing him with a 'yes, Sir.'"

But the jury wasn't buying, and now this Silverware-swingin' psycho may need to trade in his spoon for a shank, as he faces up to two years in the hoosegow for stalking and harassing his old lady.

I just hope for his sake that Dirty Kirby's not planning on demanding the ol' "yes Sir" down in the can. See how that one works out for ya, creep.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Check Them Glasses: Woody Allen Calls New Claim "Fictitious" That His Son Ronan Was "Possibly" Fathered by Frank Sinatra When Ol' Blue Eyes Banged Allen's Ex-Old Lady Mia Farrow in the '80s. RIGHT!

Take a look at creepy old Woody, and then just take a gander at Ronan Farrow and the late Sinatra, as pictured above. There's no "possibly" or anything "fictitious" about it, and no DNA testing is needed...

Sinatra is Ronan's old man (allegedly)! Undeniable. Indisputable. Irrevocable. (Allegedly). Or as Francis might say, forget-a-bout-it. Ronan's even got those same blue eyes for cryin' out loud!

For the record, Sinatra would've been 71 years old in March 1987 when he reportedly hopped on top of a then 42-year-old Mia Farrow and got down to the business of rolling out Ronan (as Mia Farrow now alleges).

I can even hear the old codger Sinatra breaking into song now: "When I was 71, it was a very good year...."
Sinatra says It Was a VERY GOOD Year:

Friday, October 18, 2013

Men on the Moon: Debt Opponents Exposed for Exaggerating the $16.7 Trillion National Debt, Claiming the Debt Stacked in $1 Bills Could Stretch to the Moon Four Times!

However, and thankfully, the objective media watchdogs at Media were quick this week to debunk the debt worriers' sensational claim (link to claim below)...

It seems that in order for the $16.7 trillion national debt, stacked in $1 bills, to reach the moon four full times, the bills would have to be a bunch of crumply, old used ones -- i.e. bills of a type that simply don't stack up so nice.

If, instead, freshly printed currency would be used, then the dollar stack would be lucky to reach the moon three times, says Media Maddens.

And why wouldn't newly printed currency be used for such an endeavor? After all, that's what financial institutions keep on hand -- they're plentiful. In contrast, old Raggedy Ann bills are what float around in the hands of the public, making it virtually impossible to round up enough of those old bills to even accomplish a four-moon stack.

So yet again, we have these draconian, Nazi proponents of balanced budgets and reduced debt at the forefront of exaggeration, spin, and impossible demonstrative anecdotes. Can't we just sick the IRS on their ass? Oh wait...

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

My Perfect Prediction that Hillary's 2016 Running Mate Will Be Current Newark Mayor Cory Booker Just Keeps Gaining Momentum...

I'll spare everyone a regurgitation of the reasons why Cory Booker will be Hillary's vice president running mate in 2016 (link to my original post below), but suffice it to say that things remain very much on track this week.  First, Booker stands poised to easily capture the open U.S. Senate seat in New Jersey in today's special election (second link below) over deranged right-winger tea party candidate (but mick brethren) Steve "Doyle" Lonegan (as I said would happen weeks ago)...

And on the other side of the leftist coin, Hillary yesterday reaffirmed the certainty that she will run in 2016 by taking a rather snide (and grade school style) political swipe at her likely primary democrat party opponent in 2016 -- none other than the gaffe-prone, intellectually challenged current VP, Diamond Joe Biden (third link below)...

To paraphrase, Hillary reportedly said of Biden in a (not so) secretive fundraising speech this week that "I backed the Osama Bin Laden raid, and he didn't." You see, high profile political slimeballs like Hillary never say anything derogatory about fellow members of their own rotten party except when (1) they are in full primary campaign or ass-covering mode (here the former) and (2) they have every intention of those words going public (as Her Highness did here).

Make "Book" on it:  Hillary's runnin', and Booker will run with her.  (Caveat repeated: I do reserve the right to continue to let my viewpoint on this issue "evolve," since these political scumjobs are always given carte blanche to do the same by our adorable American "mainstream" media -- and what's good for the sleazebuckets is good for the Rager, after all).

Friday, October 11, 2013

With About a Year Until the 2014 Midterms, I Thought It Worth a Few Moments to Reflect on a Most Beautiful Word in the American Lexicon:

I've said it before (and even despite my disagreement with the current government shutdown):  Gridlock is good. Gridlock is your friend. Gridlock's the warrior standing between your freedom and a legion of loony leftists and deranged right-wingers who would only seek to usurp it if they had absolute federal power to do so. Freedom's also a beautiful word, but these days you can't have freedom for long without a healthy dose of gridlock to protect it.

The leftist 20 percenters are prepared to focus all energy on grounding out gridlock once and for all in 2014 (by taking back the U.S. House). Obama's minions have as much as said that this is as important to Obama's "legacy" as anything that's come before -- gotta give His Majesty a big lefty cudgel for those last 2 years, after all.

But my money's on my friend gridlock once again saving the day come next year. So inspired by my friend, was I in the past few weeks, that I actually broke into song, penning the following short tune that I have entitled, "Sweet Gridlock":

Gridlock, sweet Gridlock.
The alternative to you is hemlock.
I'm thinkin' all the ways that you rock.
Our best friend, Gridlock.

Shellshocked, I was shellshocked.
Back in '09 with all the left rot.
I said boot them to the end of the block.
So we could get us some Gridlock.

Restock, let's restock.
That's the cry for next year from the left crocks.
I think they wanna whack out my Gridlock.
Like a poke to the eye with a wind sock.

So Gridlock, save Gridlock.
Don't send him on his way out the air lock.
I don't wanna take him on a space walk.
We need him here, sweet Gridlock.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Devoted Leftist Big Apple Mayoral Candidate Bill de Blasio Complains About Being Called a "Leftist": Maybe Next He'll Object to Being Referred to as "Bill"?

The New York City mayoral race would have been so much more entertaining if Anthony's Weiner hadn't effectively pulled out of the race (or at least deflated all chances of winning) as a result of another sexting/donging scandal. What the democrat party has been left with is this ardent leftist kook named Bill de Blasio. Nothing says fun n' games, after all, quite like a hardened leftist ideologue and wannabe "revolutionary"!

Now I'm not quite sure what got into the New York Times over the past few weeks, but the normally reliable left-wing advocacy rag reported that de Blasio has a past history of supporting Latin American leftist "revolutionaries" as well as the concept of "democratic socialism." The Times even had the gall to refer to de Blasio as a "leftist." (Talk about Pot calling Kettle black!)

De Blasio has been fumin' over the Times story, calling it out for a lack of "balance" and for calling him a "leftist" (link below). It's the latter objection that I can't even begin to grasp...

As a preface, I don't call these politicians on either side by the names they've chosen for themselves. They don't deserve any such level of respect. As such, you won't see the "l" or the "p" or the "c" word used in this space. I also distort the two parties' names for the same reason. But I also don't try to be downright derogatory or crass in the terms that I do use...

For example, the people comprising the base of the democrat party (about 20% of the American population) are leftists. There's nothing particularly insulting about that term. It simply reflects fact.

For a guy like de Blasio to deny being a leftist is like referring to Obama as a "moderate" (as many leftists like to do) or like (perhaps slightly less preposterously) claiming that the world is actually flat.

I've often told these leftists that just because they may say something ridiculous 1000 times over doesn't make it any more true, no more than they can piss on my back and convince me the drought's ended.  De Blasio's a leftist. Embrace it, Bill.  That is, if I'm getting the "Bill" part right.

Friday, October 4, 2013

What $17 Trillion National Debt? Federal Government Spends $100,000 to Build a Rudimentary Shithouse at a Remote National Park in Alaska!

The not-so-plush privy (model version pictured at the top) is to be erected at Alaska's Swede Park Trail Head (links below) -- a location described as "remote" by the Federal Bureau of Land Management (the BLM). So it naturally follows, of course, that the BLM is going all out to make sure that the remote trail has only the best of amenities to offer any person who might inadvertently show up there.

This includes "the facilities," apparently, since the BLM recently contracted for $100,000 to have an outhouse constructed at the trail head. And an outhouse is exactly what it is -- and not even a two-seater!

So how the heck can an apparently modest shitter with no running water cost 100 Grand, you might ask? Well, try the $50,000 price tag for the "waterless toilet" to be installed inside the crapper. I might ask if the BLM couldn't have instead just bought a toilet seat down at Home Depot for 40 or 50 bucks, but I don't want to be obtuse over here.

Still, though, that leaves another $50K for the rest of the shithouse, and Lord only knows what hole that money's being shit down by the BLM.  Probably something in the order of a $20K door (complete with a $5K polished knob), a $10K TP dispenser, and $15K to cover the ventilation shaft and that little doggie door on the side. (I just hope they left something in the budget for cutting out that little moon shape on the door -- a necessity for any self-respectin' shithouse).

But alas, the $100K outhouse contract won't be covering everything. The second linked story says that the "pumping out and maintenance of the facility," for example, "are addressed in a separate contract." But have no fear. I bet a half a mill can cover that part.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Two Peas: W Bush Sincerely Advises Obama, "Keep Golfing." And AGAIN I Find Myself Agreeing with a Slimy Partisan (In a Disturbing Recent Trend)!

Says W Bush this past week (link below):  "I see [Obama] criticized for playing golf. I think he ought to play golf . . . To be able to get outside and play golf with some of your pals is important for the president."

And you won't hear me protesting that advice from The Idiot, either. I've never understood all the right-winger gop-ers complaining about the many, many hours that Obama spends on the golf course (including Obama's golfing outing last weekend as the government shutdown crisis loomed). What do ya want, right-wingers? For Obama to instead stay home and work on conjuring up some more leftist 20 percenter policy for the nation? Maybe another Obamacare?  Please.

You golf, Barry. To your little leftist heart's content. You'll always have my blessing. Hell, you oughta golf even more often! Leave aside the endless outside-DC speeches complaining about DC. No one's listening anymore, anyway, man. So hit them links! I can't conceive of a better place for you.