Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Worm Limits: "Disgusting Critters Invade the Upper Chamber, the United States Senate"!...

But I really don't see what the "news" is here.  Last time I checked, Harry Reid, Ted Cruz, John McCain and Bernie Sanders have all been in the Senate for years.

And those are just the worms and bed bugs.  Don't even get me started on the cockroaches, lice, vermin, and slugs.


Friday, July 25, 2014

Hold On, We Ain't Finished! "Couple Has Sex on Top of Chipotle Restaurant in Delaware," But Allegedly Keeps Goin' At It Even After Cops Tell Them To Stop!

Cops say the unsightly shenanigans of 27-year-old Nicole Germack and 39-year-old Michael Suh were quite visible from the street, but the two just didn't want to cease and desist. The responding cop says he told these two enchilada exhibitionists to stop, but they "continued for approximately 15-20 seconds" before finally wrapping things up. (These cops outta know you never put the kibosh on a grown man in mid-bone!)

BTW, the linked story goes out of its way to report, up front, that the restaurant below was, in fact, still open for business when Mikey decided to slip Nicky the ol' beefy gordita up above (allegedly). Oh the Humanity! I guess banging some broad on a public rooftop is more excusable when it doesn't interfere with soccer mom's barbecoa bowl downstairs?

For their messy efforts, Nicky and Mickey (after he finished) got tossed in the hoosegow, where they're facing more heat than the Chipotle hot sauce trough, including charges of resisting arrest, indecent exposure, lewdness, conspiracy, and loitering (since I assume they failed to make a purchase in the restaurant before headin' up to the roof).

Mehopes they've just learned their lesson. If you can't wait until after supper, at least head to the partial privacy of the shithouse next time. And for holy moley guacamole's sake, close the damn stall door.


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Will She or Won't She? leftist "Rock Star" & Sexagenarian Native American Elizabeth Warren Needs to Run for President in 2016 Before Her Final Window Closes. But Will leftists Ramp Up Pressure on Her to Actually Run?

No president has ever assumed office past the age of 69 in American history. Leftist hero and current democrat party Massachussetts senator Elizabeth Warren will be 67 in 2016 and a healthy 71 years young four years later in 2020. Not to mention how very hard it would be for her to defeat a sitting president in either a primary or general election in 2020. Translation: Run now, Chief Left Fist, or forever hold your peace pipe.

For her part, Warren has sent very mixed messages on the issue, from claims of no intention to run in 2016 to her current high profile on the campaign trail helping out 2014 democrat party midterm candidates while her Chief (no pun intended) 2016 democrat party rival, Hilary Clinton, sits out 2014 on the sidelines.

That Warren might well be willing to take on Hilary in the 2016 primary, coupled with her very quickly closing window to run for president and her obvious current "Rock Star" status amongst leftist 20 percenters, would seem to suggest to me that leftists everywhere best be putting on the full-court leftist press (and I mean starting yesterday) for this ill-tempered, fist-shaking, private sector-hating, Oklahoma Indian leftist broad to run for commander in Chief.

And what ain't to like about her? A more pure, devout and angry leftist one will never find -- even more so than Obama himself and much more so than the mealy-mouthed, stand-not-for-much-of-anything Hilary. Hell, it was Warren who invented the famous "you didn't build that [business of yours]" talking point that Obama stole from her in 2012!  Even the hot-tempered Howard Dean couldn't carry Liz's Jock!

Plus Warren would be the first woman president. AND the first Indian president. (Warren, who claims to be something like 1/64 Cherokee, once had her herself listed as a "minority" professor at Harvard based on claims of "family folklore" (and nothing else) supporting that same tall tale of tears).

Hey, I'm all too happy to get behind a Warren presidential run. Seeing Warren and the democrat party leftist base going to war with Hilary and the rest of Hilary's old-guard democrat party establishment allies on the campaign trail would, indeed, be the highest form of entertainment! (I mean, just look at all the fun we Independents have watching the right-winger tea partiers duking it out at every turn with the establishment gop-ers!)

So you go for it, old girl!  You Can Do It, Lefty Liz! 2016 is shaping up to be a pretty damn boring presidential year otherwise. And all boredom and no entertainment makes Rager a very dull boy.


Friday, July 18, 2014

The Beginning of the End of Days? Yesterday Brings an Awful Air Disaster with Potentially Huge International Implications, an Israeli Invasion of Gaza, & Other Assorted Chaos...

A browse through yesterday's headlines could be viewed by me, by you, or by Gwen Stefani as altogether mighty frightening:

- "Passenger jet show down over Ukraine ... 298 dead ... 23 Americans killed ... Ukraine says 'will present evidence of Russian military involvement.'" (Added bonus: Before scurrying off to multiple fundraisers Thursday night, "Obama gives crash 40 seconds before telling jokes" and "blaming [gop-ers] for slow-walking transportation spending." How shocking!)

- "Israel launches Gaza ground invasion" against Palestinians.

- "Wall Street bubble paranoia setting in," market off 161 points.

- "Autumn-like chill to expand from Midwest to South, East."

- "Cold temps break 128-year record in Mobile, Alabama."

- "Town blasts music to drive out gypsies."

- "Hundreds of dead pigeons fall from sky in Houston."

- "San Diego strippers sue police over naked pictures during 'inspections.'"

- "USGS: Risk of earthquake increades for half of USA."

Good Grief!  So this is it, the Apocalypse? Asked the Imagine Dragons. The end times?  Variously referred to as the Rapture or Armageddon?

ANSWER:  Nope.  Sorry.  Hold off for now on hoarding away them ramen noodle and beans pallets down to the Sam's Club.  The world ain't coming to an end just yet, me predicts.

Not to mention, all of these headlines come from heavily trafficked news aggregator website Drudge Report, where right-winger headline writer Matt Drudge tends to make every day seem like the damn sky's 'a fallin'!

BTW, what's wrong with snapping a few stripper pics or having some gypsies hanging around town?

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Lowest Common Denominator: Obama Tweets at the Reading Level of a 7th Grader, Says Published Analysis of Celebrity Tweet Sophistication. What a Surprise!

...This from an analysis last week from Time Magazine (not exactly a bastion of right-winger propaganda). And it goes to a point I've made many times in this space: Obama's words (in speeches or otherwise) are always aimed at the lowest common denominator -- the vast swaths of Americans who are uninformed and ignorant (note: I did not say stupid) when it comes to just about anything political.

If Obama ever endeavored to say anything particularly intelligent, thoughtful or inspiring to me (see, e.g., film/audio from old JFK speeches sometime), then I would listen. But as it stands, he's talked to me like I'm a moron for six long years now. I stopped even trying to listen a long time ago. Life's Too Short, Would You Agree?

And if Obama's recent dismal polling is any indication, most Americans have finally come to the same conclusion, do agree, and are tuning out this individual at every turn. This (the middle of Obama's second term) coincides almost exactly to the point in time when Americans also starting completely tuning out that moron W Bush. Rotten, not-so-bright presidents certainly make wonderful bedfellows, do they not?


Friday, July 11, 2014

Lame Excuse: Hilary Defends the Clinton Dynasty & the "Inevitability" of Her Presidency, Proclaiming That "We Had the Two Roosevelts!" Uh, Weren't FDR & Teddy Barely Even Related?!?

When I heard this statement from Hilary this week, my reaction was, "You gotta be freakin' kidding me over here!"  Teddy and Franklin Roosevelt were only distantly related! To the tune of something like fifth cousins many times removed...

Shit, I've read that two other presidents (Martin Van Buren and Zachary Taylor) were more closely related to Teddy than FDR was! Hell, even FDR's old lady Eleanor (Teddy's niece) was (MUCH) more closely related to Teddy than FDR was! (Which is some weird Allah-damn shit in itself, but I digress).

But if that kind of drivel is going to pass for Hilary's defense of the virtues of tired old political dynasties, then methinks we're in for some real lame-ass horseshit from this broad over the next two years for why no one not named Clinton, Bush or Obama should ever be president again (Lord Help Us All). Maybe Hilary can use these ones next:

- "We had the two Andrews." (That would be Andrew Jackson and Andrew Johnson. No relation).

- "And don't forget the two James'."  (Madison and Monroe were certainly historical presidents, even if not related).

- "We had the two middle initial 'A' guys."  (None other than James Garfield and Chester Arthur).

- "We had the two unkempt beard dudes."  (Rutherford B. Hayes and Benjamin Harrison really could've used different groomers during their time in the Oval Office).

- "We had the Kennedies."  (Hey, Teddy Kennedy's presidency was also inevitable until that damn pesky bridge accident and then when he couldn't remember why he wanted to be president on 60 Minutes in 1980).

- "We had the two Gay Presidents."  (That would be James Buchanan and, according to Joan Rivers, Barack Obama).

- "Not to mention the two Black Presidents." (The aforementioned Barack, of course, plus Hilary's old man, Bill).

- "We had the two Idiot Vice Presidents."  (Never thought we'd ever have one as dumb as Dan Quayle again until Joe Biden stumbled head-first on to the scene).

- "We had the two Dicks."  (In reference, of course, to Tricky Dick Nixon and the de facto 43rd president of the United States, Dick Cheney).

So can we please just put all this "political dynasty" talk to rest once and for all?  What difference, at this point, does it make???


Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Smart-Asses: "Match.com & Mensa Create Dating Site for People With High IQs." But How's a Boutsa Hook-Up Site For All Us Dumbskies?

I'm talkin' about a dating site specially devoted to all of the idiots out there, like those of us here in here in flyover territory, who obviously ain't so bright. We're people too, ya know, even if we don't happen to be exactly what ya might call flaming wits or regular rocket scientists. We need a MatchesForMorons.com. And we needed it yesterday, damn you.

And because I'm predicting that we'll see such a site crop up before too long, I'm already toiling away on a personal profile for this new site for nimrods. Here's what I gots so far:

"White Nitwit Neanderthal Seeks Hot Little Number with the Charisma of a Cartoonish Charicature And Who Ain't the Sharpest Knife in the Ol' Drawer. Broads with IQs over 60 OR bra sizes under Double D Need NOT Apply. Bubble-headed Bazonga Babes Welcome. Shoot Me a Line, Go Head Shoot, If You Be a Desirous Dummy Dish."

What well-endowed embecile could possibly resist a charmer like Rager after reading my online ad? No one. That's who.

So I'm beggin' ya Match.com and National Council on Disabilities -- throw us simple-minded retards a damn bone over here! Us dim-bulbed dolts needs alls the helps we can gets.


Thursday, July 3, 2014

He Cheated on THESE? For THAT? British Glamour Doll Katie "Jordan" Price & Her Curvaceous Charleys Make Colorful First Public Appearance After Reports That Her Old Man Allegedly Banged Her Best Friend...

What was this fool thinkin'?!?  Let's see here: This guy Kieran Hayler could be with the comely chesticles of wife Katie Price, but instead he chooses the homely vestiges of her former best friend of 20 years, Jane Pountney (pictured immediately above)?? Who is this guy, Wilt Chamberlain tryin' to fill out his daily quota?  Oh Nelly.

Meantime, after keeping a low profile lately following the recent infidelity revelations and a coinciding trip to Splitsville, Katie is back recently with a couple of big bosomy bangs and a full rainbow of fleshy flavor at a promotional event for hair dye removal stuff "ColourB4" (top 3 pics above in all their Gazonga Glory).

No word yet whether Hayler (a male stripper) will now settle into domestic bliss with the not-so-hot homewrecker Jane, whom Hayler just apparently could not seem to pass up for a roll in the hay. But who knows...

Maybe that homespun hussy Jane polishes Hayler's stripper pole like no other? I mean, there's gotta be something more here than meets the ol' one-eye??