U.S. Breaks Away From Great Bacon: Americans Go Silly Over Swine This Weekend But Have Trouble Recalling Whom We Declared Independence From in 1776

It's the reason why we celebrate this Fourth of July weekend. It was on this weekend in 1776 when the southern states broke away from the rest of the union in order to wage war against an upstart German regime that had just Pearl Harbored us. We took a little bacon, and we took a little beans, and we met the bloody Krauts, with the help of the Japanese.

Yep, always the bacon here in America. And so it is this weekend that we get showered with rather incredible (if not a bit distressing) stories about:

(1) A Pennsylvania Granny going berserk on grandson for eating too much bacon; (2) Massachusetts people going ape over a restaurant sign showing a bit too much bacon and eggs; (3) Florida residents flocking to pound down bacon cheeseburgers topped with ice cream; and (4) A new poll showing that one-fourth of Americans (a fitting number) have total Fourth of July ignorance -- not knowing the country from which America declared its independence on July 4, 1776. Fire up the griddle!!!

Granny Was REALLY Concerned About Sonny's Cholesterol Levels

This Granny may purport to make you some bacon for breakfast -- but don't eat it! Lest you want to get your ass kicked by the old hag (allegedly).

Cops in Pennsylvania say that 63-year-old Granny Marilee Ann Kolynych was none too happy this week that her grandson "ate too much bacon at breakfast." It seems that Sonny had more than his fair share -- eating more bacon than anyone else at the meal.

So how did Granny react? A good scolding? A stern admonition? A relegation to the boy's room? Nope. Any of those punishments would have been way too lenient, obviously.

Instead cops say Granny took to chasing the boy about the front yard. When the old bat finally caught up with the 9-year-old lad, she allegedly "pinned him down" and "blasted him right in the face with a garden hose." And this wasn't just a little sprinkle, mind you -- the boy was quick to point out to cops that the hose was set on "full blast."

Just for good measure, Granny also allegedly gave the boy a good beating and "torturing" -- apparently all right there in the front lawn!

The boy reportedly finally escaped Granny's clutches and ran across the street to call his mom. But even when Mommy then showed up, Granny still allegedly continued to chase the grandson around the neighborhood, looking to sink her claws into him once more.

Now Granny may have to let her bacon sizzle down in the pokey mess, since cops busted her on charges of endangering the welfare of children, simple assault, harassment and disorderly conduct.

Remind Me Never to Order Bacon in Massachusetts

It's known as the great bastion of American liberal/progressivism (i.e. leftist 20 percenter) thought and populace. And the residents of Massachusetts apparently sure know how to act that way -- i.e. curmudgeony, stuffy and politically correct to the last.

Take a look at the funny and rather harmless restaurant sign below, which has been set up along Route 1 in the Massachusetts town of Peabody on a temporary basis (about a week) for a new Adam Sandler film called I Hate You, Dad. You'd think the locals would welcome the movie (and its sign) as well as the bucks and attention it will bring to the community, right?

WRONG. The locals are up in arms about this fake sign for the fictional "Classy Rick's Bacon and Leggs" diner. The linked story says the town is "at war" over the sign, including a petition drive to express "outrage" over the sign showing "a busty naked woman with only a plate of eggs and bacon covering her chest" (meaning she's not really naked, no?).

And these east coast leftist 20 percenters actually have the gall to make fun of all the so-called "conservative Bible-thumpers" here in middle America? What a complete laugh. In these parts, a little "racy" is just fine so long as you keep the naughty bits covered -- regardless of whether bacon and eggs are doing the covering.

Ice Scream When I Look at this Bacon Cheeseburger Monstrosity

It doesn't exactly have an original name (the "ice cream cheeseburger"), but whomever thought up the combination of toppings for this creature was clearly deranged. This burger is reportedly all the rage this weekend at the Florida State Fair, along with its toppings of bacon, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes and "a giant scoop of fried ice cream."

But just who in the hell is this sick burger all the rage with? Pregnant broads and stray cats? As Rodney Dangerfield might say, with grub like that, you pray before you eat. And I'm known over here as a guy with basically no taste when it comes to food. I eats anything! But not that.

The Germans Are Coming, the Germans Are Coming!

A new Marist poll shows that more than just a few Americans should lay off all the bacon and take a minute to brush up on their basic rudimentary facts of American history this weekend.

Shockingly (although truth be told, not much different from similar polling last summer), the poll finds that about one-fourth of Americans have no clue that Great Britain was the country from whom America declared its independence on July 4, 1776. Anyone out there want to my borrow my DVD of the "John Adams" TV series?

Equally as shocking (well, actually not at all) are the even more pathetic polling numbers when it comes to the 20-somethings who inhabit so-called "Generation Y." The Marist poll found that a full one-third of Gen Y residents couldn't name Great Britain in response to the question.

What's more, in a separate poll question, less than one-third of Gen Y individuals could even state that 1776 was the year in which America declared independence. No wonder they were so keen to vote for "hope and change" in 2008. I can't blame them.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/granny-busted-bacon-beef-grandson-980174
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010560/Massachusetts-town-war-suggestive-diner-sign-Adam-Sandler-movie.html
http://eatocracy.cnn.com/2011/07/02/the-worlds-wackiest-ice-creams/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010501/Independence-day-Only-58-Americans-know-US-declared-independence-1776.html

There's a Reason They Say "Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned": Cheating Boyfriend Burned, Pounded & Tortured Within an Inch of His Life in Cali

33-year-old Sabrina Renne Robinson (mugshot above) recently promised her boyfriend a night of "kinky sex" to remember. So the 41-year-old California man apparently didn't think twice about stripping down buck naked and allowing Robinson to handcuff him to a bed.

But there was a little hitch. You see, Robinson had just found out her old man was cheating with another woman. And so when she said "kinky," that was just a bit of an understatement. It would have been more accurate for Robinson to instead to break into Mr. T mode from the old movie Rocky III. That is: "Prediction? PAIN."

That's because Robinson's little sex romp subterfuge quickly turned into her real intention -- a personal little torture chamber of horrors (allegedly). Robinson kicked things off in grand fashion by laying a good beating on her old man, busting him one right in the chops and pounding him about the breast, head and body (allegedly). But this was just the trailer, since the feature presentation hadn't even begun yet.

After all, you can't have a good torture session without some first degree burns, no? So Robinson next upped the ante by dumping a vat of hot wax all over her old man's chest (allegedly). That had to smart.

For good measure, Robinson also grabbed a shotgun and started cracking her old man with the barrel (allegedly). But as I would assume any torturer worth his waterboard knows, some of the worst aspects of a good torturing aren't necessarily physical in nature, but instead psychological. And this Robinson really knew her stuff (allegedly):

On the psychological side of things, Robinson first brandished a big knife in front of her old man and "threatened to 'gut him like a deer'" (allegedly). "This is the same type of knife I skin deer with," Robinson allegedly spouted to her terrified boyfriend.

And even after all of that, Robinson was just getting warmed up. She reportedly next called the woman with whom her old man was cheating and started talking to the other woman on the phone while she was torturing the guy! The other woman told cops "she could hear the man's screams in the background." (Wonder if Robinson asked her, "did he scream like that for you, bitch?!").

But like a scene from a B-grade horror picture, this monster Robinson (allegedly) made the mistake of leaving her old man alone for a little while so that she could tend to other business (perhaps she needed to hit the garage to retool with a nice pick axe and riding crop). That gave boyfriend the chance to escape, and cops say they found him "cowering naked" in some bushes outside the home when they arrived.

Now the only torture tool that may be available to Robinson for some time to come is your garden-variety hoosegow shank, as she faces charges of assault with a deadly weapon, false imprisonment, corporal injury, and "making terrorist threats" (I thought we weren't supposed to say "terrorism" anymore?).

As usual, the cops offered up a bit of wisdom to help us everyday citizens grasp the nature of the alleged crime: "This was a case of a woman scorned," crowed police spokesman Erica Hall. And while the cops may not believe me, I actually understood that fact fairly early on in reading this story. You might say that Robinson had me at hot wax.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/06/boyfriend.html?lanow
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010037/Woman-promised-boyfriend-night-kinky-sex-handcuffed-bed-tortured-cheating-her.html

Authorities: "If You See One of These, RUN!" Giant African Lizards Invade Florida While a Big Titmouse Invades One Man's Garden Salad. Dis-Gusting!

These critters give me the jitters. It's apparently not enough that we have to deal with the devil we already know in the form of lowly sewer rats and titmice trying to get into the house to pillage our food stores (more on that in a minute). At least we've dealt with that before.

But now there's a whole new type of home invasion threat in Florida, and I'm not talking about the latest flash mob of punkass Gen-Z teenagers. Nope: In Palm Beach and Broward counties, big lizards from Africa are reportedly running amok.

Have I ever mentioned before that I hate rodents and reptiles? (And insects. And birds if they try to come in the house. And any creature that might try to eat me. And politicians...)

This Nasty Lizard Can Whip You, Eat at You, and Claw You, All in One Fell Swoop

It's called the "Nile Monitor Lizard" (pictured at top). It's seven feet-long and can tend to bring a rather unruly disposition. It's also invading portions of the State of Florida.

No, it does not appear that the lizards went through the Suez Canal and swam over to North America. Instead, "experts say" the growing Florida population of these lizards is attributable to people keeping them as pets and then later setting them free into the wild. What's more, "their numbers are now multiplying at an alarming rate in canals amid the sub-tropical climate."

But don't worry, because authorities in Florida are all over this situation. Authorities there are telling residents that if they happen to see one of these lizards, then "run." With advice like that, who needs violent criminals, no? Just run away if you happen upon one!

For good measure, authorities are warning that if you spot one of these lizards, do not try to apprehend said reptile yourself. (Gosh, and I had already pulled out my flyswatter and trash bag before hearing that).

Regardless, you would want to run if you spotted one of these creatures -- "they have long tails that they can use like whips, sharp teeth and claws and typically prey on birds and small pets." They also reportedly become quite nasty with humans if you get close to one.

The lizards can also reportedly "run at speeds of 15 mph and swim for one hour under water." Recently, one of these things reportedly slinked its way into a Florida home through a doggy door (reinforcing the old adage respected by most intelligent adults, i.e. Don't Have a Doggy Door!, which only invites every outside creature on the green earth into your home).

This Thing Smelled Worse Than Triple Anchovies on a Caesar Salad

I think I will have to think twice before the next time I buy one of those bags of lettuce on special at the grocery store for a buck. And you should too, lest you prefer rat in your garden greens.

Saginaw, Michigan resident John Jones (pictured above) says "it wasn't quite what he had in mind when he decided to liven up his pre-packaged bag of salad with some croutons." This poor guy was absolutely repulsed to find "a disemboweled mouse buried in the mixed leaves on his dinner plate" (also pictured above). (That monstrosity looks more like a rat to me, frankly).

So what we had here wasn't just some filthy little dead titmouse. In addition, the damn thing had its "guts hanging out" and its "insides spilling on the plate." Said Jones:

"I moved a couple of leaves and there was the mouse, a dead mouse laying on its back, and you could see the guts hanging out."

Jones had already eaten from the salad. His immediate reaction to this putrid sight? A beeline straight to the shithouse in order to puke. (My reaction would have been identical).

Jones says he found the mutilated titmouse in a bag of Dole Tender Garden salad, which the Daily Mail reports is supposed to contain "a robust blend of delicate baby greens and lettuces, earthy baby spinach and sweet carrots [that] temper peppery radicchio and the invigorating bite of frisee."

And indeed. Nothing says "robust, earthy, peppery and invigorating," after all, quite like a grungy little titmouse with its internal organs spewing all over the joint.

Turns out that Jones' girlfriend and seven-year-old son had also sampled the greens before Jones' grisly little discovery. So the threesome raced to the emergency room, although it seems that they are all fine so far.

The Kroger grocery store (where Jones bought the salad) and the Dole Company have been most gracious in responding to the incident -- both "offering to refund Jones the $2.49 he'd paid for the bag." And Dole went way beyond the call of duty, offering up 25 bucks and some Dole salad coupons.

But something tells me that salad coupons are the last thing on earth that Jones wants right about now. I'm guessing he may looking for a little titmouse-for-tat. Yep, I think we know where this one's heading, and I don't mean the titmouse hole.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009709/Palm-Beach-invaded-giant-7ft-long-lizards-residents-warned-guard.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009620/Man-finds-dead-rodent-guts-hanging-bag-salad.html

Now a GOP Slimeball Gets in on the Anthony's Weinergate Action: Louisiana Politician Caught Sexting with Lover Colleague (Not His Wife).

Here's the funny thing about me. Many on BOTH sides don't believe this, but I really couldn't give a rat's ass which party you're in. If you're a creepwad politician of either party and you say or do something stupid, then I'm gonna jump on you, laugh at you, and make fun of you. That's what I do here. If you don't like that, then my usual GFY invitation extends. Case in point from Louisiana this week:

His name is Joe Stagni (pictured at the top and on right), and the 47-year-old GOP City Councilman (in Kenner City, La.) has apparently been reading one too many accounts of Anthony's Weiner (second picture above) tweeting out his chest and dong to various women, not to mention fellow republic partisan Christopher Lee (pictured immediately above) posting his topless torso on a dating website earlier this year.

Stagni seems to have wanted a little taste of this action. Not a big taste. Just enough to wet his beak. But I think he got a little more than he bargained for, as he's been caught with pants down (literally) this week.

Stagni has admitted to exchanging inappropriate sext "communications" with a female "colleague" with whom he admits having an extramarital affair. One such communication is the picture at the top which cuts off Stagni's head, but shows the rest of him posing in his underwear.

That picture was somehow forwarded to an unintended recipient at the ol' city council office, and all hell broke loose from there. Even funnier than that cheesy-ass picture is the message from Stagni that accompanied it:

"I'm n trouble - serious conversation w wife (sic)."

Let me try get this straight: Wifey had apparently gotten wind of Stagni's little affair with the "colleague," leading to Stagni being "n trouble" and having a "serious conversation" with wifey. And Stagni needs to communicate these facts to his mistress "colleague." OK, all of that makes sense. But the rest doesn't:

So Stagni needs to tell his lover what's going on and -- while he's at it -- he decides to just go ahead and attach a new picture of him in his drawers for good measure? Of course! What better time could there ever be to send that photo?

I'd hate to see the photo and message that Stagni might have sent if he ever officially broke it off with this "colleague." Maybe something like: "Sorry babe, it's over, but for your viewing pleasure, see the attached brand new picture of me and my Cajun whitesnake."

As for the aftermath of the Stagni scandal: He's praying and asking for "mercy and forgiveness" from everyone under the sun, including God above, his beloved wife, his family members, his constituents, his dog, his dearly departed grandma, etc., etc.

But unlike Weiner and Lee before him, this posing politician says he's "sticking" around (at least for the time being). Now, if we could just get one more slimy politician to have one of these sexting scandals, we'd have a foursome and a full potential cast for the new high-budget porn movie idea that I've been developing --
The Hungover.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/28/joe-stagni-photo-underwear_n_886450.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009402/ANOTHER-married-politician-forced-apologise-wife-family-new-sexting-row.html

I Don't Know Nothing, and I Didn't See Nothing: "Man Hits Pedestrian, Keeps Driving with Dead Victim in Passenger Seat."

The "my interests first" actions and "see no evil, hear no evil" lack of human decency and laughable denials of your garden-variety slimeball criminals and politicians (two groups of people whom I largely view to be the same, regardless of party) never cease to amaze me.

From the criminals, you can witness this sort of thing on just about any episode of "Cops":

Officer, If You Say the World Is Round, I Guess I'll Take Your Word For It

Cop: "This driver's license says your name is Bob?"
Sleaze: "What license? I ain't never seen that before. Who's Bob?"

Cop: "You would agree with me that the grass over there is green?"
Scuz: "I don't know nothin' about any of that. I ain't got my glasses. Some guy ripped 'em off."

Cop: "We can at least agree that you're a male, right?
Scum: "I might be able to go along with that, but I want to talk to my lawyer first."

Cop: "This car's been reported stolen. Where'd you get it?"
Slime: "Some guy done gave it to me."
Cop: "What was the guy's name?"
Slime: "He didn't tell me no name."
Cop: "So some guy you don't know just gives you the car."
Slime: "Well, I gives him a smoke, and I figured he were just being generous."

This Guy Wouldn't Know He Was Missing an Arm If An Alligator Gnawed It Off

And I thought I had heard them all until I saw this crazy story out of Houston. Cops there say the incident began when a man's SUV went on the fritz and he had to pull it over on a busy causeway. Cops say that after getting out of the car, the man tried to hoof it across the freeway and got pounded by a black Mazada.

In a totally freakish twist, cops say the impact sent the victim's body crashing through the Mazada's windshield -- such that the victim came to be seated in the Mazada's front passenger seat!

But cops say the Mazada driver -- 49-year-old James Onak -- didn't stop after the collision, but instead just went about his business. A little bit later, cops say, the Mazada driver casually took a freeway exit and started driving down a city street for over a damn mile!

That's when cops pulled this (allegedly) "oblivious" buffoon's ass right on over. A deputy then spied the damage to the Mazada's front and top as well as the victim slouched in the front passenger seat.

The driver's story? He said he thought he might have "hit something" on the freeway, but he wasn't sure what it was and he for damn sure "didn't know the victim was in the passenger seat beside him."

He also reportedly tried to blame a few too many drinks for not noticing the victim. Never mind that his car's windshield was shattered and the "hood and roof had also caved in" (pictures above). What was there really to notice, right?!?

The victim died at the scene, and the driver Onak "faces a felony charge of failure to stop and render aid and a misdemeanor charge of tampering with evidence." What, no DUI charge? Methinks so much for that rather lame little excuse about being blinded by the booze (allegedly).

But what's surprising to me is just how forthcoming the Mazada driver was with the cops. He really leveled with 'em, relatively speaking. What a breath of fresh air over there. Just think:

Actually admitting in a single conversation that (1) he had been on the freeway and (2) might have hit something! I betcha this honest samaritan even admitted his car was black, glasses or no.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/7630000.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009170/James-Onak-drives-Houston-interstate-mile-pedestrian-windshield.html

http://www.kens5.com/news/Police-Driver-hits-pedestrian-didnt-notice-body-passenger-seat-texas-houston--124658514.html

"World's Greatest" Grandpa Contest Nearly Over, But One Geezer's Likely Ineligible: Florida Boy Finds Gramps Buck Naked in Bed w/ the Family Bulldog!

It's called the "World Greatest Grandfather" contest and is sponsored by the San Francisco Chronicle (first link at bottom). The contest's received myriad photos as nominees, and now all that's left is the public voting on the pick of the litter photos. And methinks one perverted, raunchy Gramps in Florida somehow ain't gonna be making the ol' cut.

They say old dogs can't learn new tricks, but apparently old dirtbag grandpas can. In a seemingly weird twist upon the old adage, "it's only newsworthy if man bites dog," cops in West Palm Beach Florida this week have arrested a 54-year-old Gramps for pumpin' his pooch! (Second link at bottom).

Gramps' name is Eugene Hickman (mugshot immediately above), and the dirty old codger was caught red-handed bangin' the family bulldog. You can only imagine what Gramps' little grandson's reaction must have been upon entering Gramps' bedroom recently.

First grandson spots Gramps in the full buff on top of something in his bed. That not being traumatic enough, then sonny realizes that the thing beneath Gramps' dilapidated old carcass is the family's 3-year-old female bulldog!

And if you're wondering where the endless necessary string of "allegedly" parentheticals is, it ain't necessary here. Gramps reportedly fully admitted to cops that he was boning that bulldog bitch.

Now this old ballin' bestial boobjob will probably have to look for his beastly sexual delights inside the local hoosegow for some time to come, as cops have hit his sick old ass with a charge of felony animal cruelty.

But it's not as if the sad, sickly and wrinkly old slimeball is without any remorse whatsoever. First, he told cops he knew it was wrong to poke the pooch right there in the bedroom (what, he thought out in the Shithouse would be OK?).

He also reportedly promised cops that he'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever do something like this again. And I would hope not: They don't allow pets in the pokey (at least of the animal variety), after all.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfmoms/detail?entry_id=91819
http://www.wpbf.com/news/28375084/detail.html

Busted with a Loaded Weapon: Buxom Broad Arrested After Allegedly Whipping Out a Booby and Spraying Cops with Breast Milk!

I guess she wasn't too full of the milk of human kindness. Cops in Delaware, Ohio say it all started off quietly enough, as bosomy 30-year-old Stephanie Robinette (mugshot above) and her husband attending a lovely wedding and reception at the local banquet and conference center. But the milk only soured after that.

Robinette first allegedly got plastered on booze at the reception. Then this shapely sot reportedly took to fighting with her old man, busting him one right in the chops and clocking him several more times.

Maybe this sloshed soak needed to go breastfeed the brat or something, because the next thing you know, she's allegedly scurrying off to the parking lot to lock herself in the old man's car. That's when the cops showed up after receiving a call for a domestic dispute at the knot tying.

Cops reportedly couldn't get the full-bosomed boozer to get out of the car and had to try to force her fun bags right on out. This coerced action apparently didn't sit too well with this pie-eyed, plus-sized dame, and so she allegedly proceeded to give cops a piece of her mind and a lot more.

Cops says Robinette first warned them that "she was a breast feeding mother." Perhaps thinking that the cops didn't believe that story, this smashed double-stack set out to corroborate her own story herself. And while I've heard of taking matters into your own hands, this was ridiculous:

Cops say Robinette then "removed her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and [her] vehicle with breast milk."

After this lactacting lush reportedly milked her sizable rack for all it was worth, cops say they were eventually able to fully extract Robinette and her honkers from the car and slap the ol' cuffs on her.

Now this boozin' babe will probably want to cry over her spilled milk, since she faces charges of domestic violence, assault (the breast milk spray?), obstructing official business, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. That means she may have to milk her cans in the Jug for awhile to come, since them's a lot of charges.

And leave it to the cops to turn this milky white incident into a little lesson that civilians everywhere should keep in mind as they go through life: "This is a prime example of how alcohol can make individuals do things they would not normally do," spouted the local sheriff. Moo juice for thought. Sheriff Taylor's no milk toast over there.

http://www.10tv.com/live/content/local/stories/2011/06/27/story-delaware-woman-accused-spraying-deputies-breast-milk.html?sid=102

The Trifecta! "Renowned" Equestrian Busted for Allegedly Horsing Around, Driving Car While (1) Buck Naked, (2) Smokin' Meth & (3) Looking at Porn!

Couldn't he have gone for a filthy five-play and added some whiskey and riding crops into this demented mix? One thing's for sure: Rather than being as healthy as a horse, this man's as sick as an old plug after eating a bushel of apples (allegedly).

He's 46-year-old Kenneth Acebal (pictured on left and on the horse above), and he's known as a "distinguished horse trainer" from Apharetta, Georgia. Apparently spurred on by angst stemming from recent attempted child molestation charges, cops in Georgia say this four-eyed foal man recently kicked up his heals in a big way on the Georgia highways.

This Old Nag Moves Faster Than Secretariat Through a Feed Bag

Cops say this brazen buckaroo was first spotted driving his car with fewer clothes on than a bareback bronco. But if that was his only (alleged) crime! Cops says this hard-chargin' horseman was going for the Triple Crown.

Acebal was allegedly tokin' on a meth pipe as he merrily raced his way around the last corner in his birthday suit. But what really had this kooky equestrian champing at the bit? Porn! What else? (Allegedly).

Cops say this deranged roughrider (allegedly) had "an array of pornographic magazines spread out in the car" as if they were so many racing forms down at the Belmont. (Cops also found the "pipe with methamphetamine residue in it.")

So what gives with all that damn porn? Well, it seems that Acebal was trying to beat his dead horse (allegedly). Or you might say he was just trying to feel his oats (allegedly). This is one instance where the man should not have held his horses (allegedly).

More to the point, and straight from the horse's mouth: Acebal reportedly admitted "he had performed a sex act on himself while driving." At least he didn't try to change horses (errr, stories) in midstream. And no word whether any horsey sauce was among the physical evidence collected by cops from the car.

This Batty Broncobuster Is Knee Deep In More Than Just Clover

A close friend of Acebal reportedly blames the whole incident on stress caused by Acebal being arrested in April "over attempted child molestation charges." Acebal allegedly engaged in online chats with an FBI agent posing as a child and then allegedly tried to look a gift horse in the mouth. The FBI says Acebal next drove his car (apparently fully clothed) to meet the "child" for sex.

Acebal's friend is really on her high horse over Acebal's daily double of arrests, actually referring to the attempted molestation charges as a "victimless crime." The friend crowed that Acebal will be "fully exonerated" for both incidents. But methinks the friend may be backing the wrong horse.

Regardless, after the latest incident, Acebal ponied up some cash to get out of the pokey on bond. He'll soon have to hoof it back to court, since he stands accused of meth possession and indecent exposure. But I think he better worry about those attempted molestation charges first, lest he wishes to put the cart before the horse.

http://www.ajc.com/news/forsyth/horse-trainer-arrested-for-985495.html?cxtype=rss_news_128746
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2007737/Renowned-horse-trainer-arrested-smoking-meth-looking-porn-driving-naked.html

Anthony's Weiner Humiliated the Hell Out of Me, And All I Got Was This Lousy Bouquet of Cheap Flowers!

What a Dick? You make the call. First Anthony's Weiner made a complete tool of his wife -- Hillary Clinton valet Huma's Weiner -- by sexting and "donging" on the Internet with a whole host of various women of seemingly all ages.

Then Anthony's Weiner lies about it and elongates the Weinergate scandal for over two weeks before finally pulling out of Congress. Anthony's Weiner is a complete widger disgrace and has embarrassed his pregnant wife Huma's Weiner in a way seldom seen in the annals of civilized man.

But this smooth oblong operator Anthony's Weiner is apparently looking to make it all up to Huma's Weiner in a big bratwurst way! The New York Post reports that Anthony's Weiner was located at a Queens mini-mart late this week picking out a few cheap bouquets of carnations and other flowers (pictured above) for his most beloved bride, Huma's Weiner.

Or, as the Post puts it, Weiner's "'sorry' attempt" involved "toting a few pathetic bouquets home from a Forest Hills bodega." The total cost? $22.97.

But we'd heard the tales during the scandal that Anthony's Weiner may be a bit strapped-on for cash and really couldn't afford to take his bat and balls and go home from Congress.

He needed that paycheck, and that's probably why Anthony's Weiner hung around so long until finally top democrat party slimeballs like Nancy Pelosi and democrat national committee chairman Debbie "Wasserman" Schultz forced the Weiner back into his britches.

So I, for one, am not going to be too hard on Anthony's Weiner over the flowers and his rather pathetically cheap "so-rreee" gesture. Anthony's Weiner really looks to have come down (and out). Flophouse city. Skid row.

Given his current deflated situation, did anyone really expect Anthony's Weiner to shower Huma's Weiner with a big money shot of diamond rings and fancy cars? Obama and his federal reserve may be able to just print whatever money they recklessly think they need, but Anthony's Weiner has to earn his money if wants to bring home the tube steak.

But my opinion of Anthony's Weiner may be in the minority. The Post apparently amassed a small team of "experts" to weigh in on the pole-toting politician's gesture to Huma's Weiner. First the Post schlonged out a professor of American Studies named Elayne Rapping faster than Long Duck Dong in a John Hughes picture:

"It's ridiculous and it could make her angrier. He knows there are photographers and reporters outside of his house. He could have easily called up a florist and had flowers delivered to her -- this seems to be more of a gesture for the press than for her. A way of him saying, 'I'm being a good husband.' "

Next up was a spokesman for "ritzy" Madison Avenue Flowers, who said that the cheap flowers from Anthony's Weiner were "a lame way to say I'm sorry," especially given the particular choice of flowers and colors:

"It's ill-conceived. Carnations are not really popular among women these days -- and orange roses? He should have stuck to red . . . Orange, white and blue? No! No! No!"

I suppose it all just goes to show a Little Soldier for being the Little Pony that he is: Crass, obnoxious, sophomoric little men tend to give crass, obnoxious, sophomoric little gifts -- even when trying to placate an Humiliated Huma.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/queens/bodega_bouquets_for_huma_NTzJTVkaofnEVht6T4a2rN

She Must've REALLY Wanted that Spot: Crazed Driver with Mysterious Bosomy Passenger Cuts Off Car Trying to Park, Sends Worker Crashing Through Window!

A story like this has a certain appeal because it's pure madness. There's no rhyme nor reason to any of it (or as the media likes to say, it's "senseless"). It's like something from a bad dream, hallucination or other non-reality condition. And it just goes to show: We live in a world of insanity and slime, and sometimes it's best just to laugh right in its face.

I've Heard of Double Parking, But This Is Ridiculous

24-year-old Gejea Ejeta was just going about his business earlier this week, trying to change the rubbish cans outside the 7-Eleven at which he works in Yeadon, Pennsylvania. But that's when his little trash run went wrong. Horribly wrong.

It started off innocent enough as a maroon SUV slowly entered the parking spot in front of the garbage can that Ejeta was changing out. But then, surveillance footage shows, a white Dodge Caliber came storming in from out of nowhere at a high speed.

The video makes clear that there were a number of open spots in the lot. But that didn't stop the deranged Caliber driver (who's believed to be female). Because she wanted the spot that the maroon car was about to take. And damn it, she was going to get that spot! (Maybe she had some trash that she really need to unload in that garbage bin?)

So the lunatic Caliber driver tries to wheel into the spot and cut off the maroon car. But, see, while speed thrills, it also kills (I learned that one from Sgt. Trumond M. Combs of the Missouri Water Patrol). And so this hard-charging psycho lost control of the Caliber, leapt it up on to the sidewalk, and barely missed crashing into Aisle One of the convenience store.

But while the building remained mostly unscathed, not so much so for poor little Gejea Ejeta. The Caliber crashed into him and sent the innocent seller flying right through the window. Ejeta was hospitalized with leg injuries and has been holed up at home unable to work ever since.

The Last Time I Saw a Rack Like That, It Was Sauntering Around a Milking Parlor

Wouldn't ya know, the crash and injury to Ejeta were not the end of this sordid little tale. With Ejeta having been heaved through the window and the Caliber beached up on the sidewalk, a rather large and buxom broad casually gets out of the passenger side and strolls away without a care in the world.

Just to add insult to injury, and rather than checking on the injured Ejeta, the chesty dame (Janis Soprano?) instead started checking on her cell phone messages as she strutted away! You just know that if anyone had approached her in that parking lot, her response would've been something like, "What accident? I don't know nothing about no accident."

When a couple of store employees then ran out of the store towards the Caliber, the maniacal driver "reversed at high-speed" and got the hell out of there -- again with no regard whatsoever for Ejeta's well-being.

The driver remains on the loose, and I assume that cops would like to find her well-endowed, devil-may-care passenger as well. They should try the local creamery.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2007234/CCTV-horrifying-hit-run-propels-shop-worker-window--passenger-wanders-checking-phone.html