It's called the "World Greatest Grandfather" contest and is sponsored by the San Francisco Chronicle (first link at bottom). The contest's received myriad photos as nominees, and now all that's left is the public voting on the pick of the litter photos. And methinks one perverted, raunchy Gramps in Florida somehow ain't gonna be making the ol' cut.They say old dogs can't learn new tricks, but apparently old dirtbag grandpas can. In a seemingly weird twist upon the old adage, "it's only newsworthy if man bites dog," cops in West Palm Beach Florida this week have arrested a 54-year-old Gramps for pumpin' his pooch! (Second link at bottom).
Gramps' name is Eugene Hickman (mugshot immediately above), and the dirty old codger was caught red-handed bangin' the family bulldog. You can only imagine what Gramps' little grandson's reaction must have been upon entering Gramps' bedroom recently.
First grandson spots Gramps in the full buff on top of something in his bed. That not being traumatic enough, then sonny realizes that the thing beneath Gramps' dilapidated old carcass is the family's 3-year-old female bulldog!
And if you're wondering where the endless necessary string of "allegedly" parentheticals is, it ain't necessary here. Gramps reportedly fully admitted to cops that he was boning that bulldog bitch.
Now this old ballin' bestial boobjob will probably have to look for his beastly sexual delights inside the local hoosegow for some time to come, as cops have hit his sick old ass with a charge of felony animal cruelty.
But it's not as if the sad, sickly and wrinkly old slimeball is without any remorse whatsoever. First, he told cops he knew it was wrong to poke the pooch right there in the bedroom (what, he thought out in the Shithouse would be OK?).
He also reportedly promised cops that he'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever do something like this again. And I would hope not: They don't allow pets in the pokey (at least of the animal variety), after all.
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Oh, that poor dog!! Good Lord, what is wrong with people??
ReplyDeleteWe live in a world of slime, as I always say. All you can hope for is that it doesn't find you or, if it does, that you're able to protect yourself.
ReplyDeleteI hope it never finds me, but I'm not sure I walk protected, so I carry mace just in case it does.
ReplyDeleteYou also can always hide away a pair of brass knucks. Or a railroad spike, although that carries a lot heavier.
ReplyDeleteBrass knucks....never thought of those! How about if I just jam my keys in his/her eyes or you know, the old knee in the groin is still good I hope? I'll keep the knucks and spike in mind though - that can be my weight lifting exercise too!
ReplyDeleteA good maneuver is to make a rabbit ears sign with your paw and then give the person "two to the eyes" at the same time. There is a way for the person to block that move, but most wouldn't think to do that.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but if my attacker is a Stooges fan, I'm totally screwed....
ReplyDeleteThere's actually a counter to "the block." You simply point the index finger from BOTH hands and then poke the two eyes. Although, even that counter move can be countered itself.
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm just screwed either way! haha!
ReplyDeleteBut even if they block both eyes, then you give them an Abdullah the Butcher-style karate thrust to the throat (that, or a fork to the forehead or upper arm).
ReplyDeleteI like the fork idea.....didn't Elaine Benes fork a guy for being a bad breaker-upper?? =)
ReplyDeleteI don't remember that one. Abdullah used to trot out a fork in just about every match.
ReplyDelete