First Hot Weekend of Summer Has People Trying to Beat the Heat By Going Buck Naked for a Public Swim, a Roadside Jog, and a Wild Graveyard Sex Romp!

OK, it's hot this weekend. Really hot. All across the country. And humid as hell. Not to mention, people are also hot under the collar with all of this week's the terrible economic news and the unemployment rate back up over 9% in Obama's America.

I understand all of that. But that still does not give you the right to tear off all your clothes, head out in public, and raise a big buck naked ruckus! (Could you please describe the ruckus, Sir?)

Just Looking to Cool Off, Kiddie Swimmers Get a Lot More Than They Bargained For

Cops in the Kansas City suburb of Overland Park, Kansas say the unidentified man first kicked off his day with a nice relaxing jog along the city streets. Only problem? The man had apparently earlier traded in his jogging outfit for a birthday suit. Naked as a Kansas jaybird!

The "deranged naked jogger" streaked his way right through the quiet suburb, "running in the buff next to a [busy] two-lane road" while "stunned drivers stopped their cars as the man sprinted" right on by. (Picture above).

"Oh my God, this guy's naked," spouted eyewitness Amy Shapiro, who reportedly "whipped out" something of her own (a cell phone) to "film the spectacle."

Perhaps noticing that he was drawing an awful lot of pesky attention, this demented leafless lunatic next tried to hunker down for cover: "After ducking behind some trees, the man hopped a fence and dove into a pool filled with dozens of neighborhood kids" -- "some quite young." The mamas on hand were reportedly "horrified."

Needless to say, "everybody scattered" and soon this crazed stark-naked creep had the whole public pool to himself (pictures above). "He was just standing there like it was no big deal," said Shapiro.

Apparently finding the cool waters much to his liking, this underdone and unadorned whack job next took to swimming around, "enjoying a solo skinny dip for several minutes until cops arrived and coaxed him out of the water."

Cops whisked away the unclothed oddball for an apparent psychological evaluation. Incredibly, this creepy maniac won't face a stitch of time in the pokey, as he faces no charges. But since he obviously felt an urgent need to cool off, I say why not give him at least a few months in the freezer to do so? And I don't care if he is bananas.

If You're Looking for a Little Sex in the Cemetery, Then Just Watch Out You Don't Get Killed by a Falling Tombstone!

You know, I just mentioned the subject of graveyard sex yesterday, and then BOOM! Here it is today! And I can only imagine how this one might have went down. Maybe something like what sweet-talkin' Sam Wood told simpleminded Delores in the old picture In the Heat of the Night (video below):

"Hey little girl. You know what the coolest spot in town is? The cemetery, that's where. Know why? 'Cause they got all them big cool tombstones. Ever stretch out on a tombstone, Delores? Feelin' all that nice cool marble on your body?"



But regardless of what the guy might have actually said, this story out of New Jersey got off to a rather innocent start by all accounts. A 39-year-old woman and her "male friend" headed off to the local graveyard one evening earlier this week to visit the grave of a relative. But after they got there, all hell broke loose.

Again, I'm struggling to ponder the sequence of events that might have unfolded here. So this broad is at her relative's grave with BF. What came next? Something like this?:

"Granny, your plot looks great. I've straightened up the flowers. I just wanted to tell you that I've missed you so much these seven years. Now, if you'll excuse me a moment, I gotta go bang my boyfriend over on that tombstone."

And that's where cops say things went horribly wrong. I've heard of knockin' boots, but knockin' tombs? And this couple reportedly had them stones a rockin'!!!

So much so, in fact, that the couple's "extracurricular activities" brought one tombstone crashing down right on the woman's leg!

No word whether her beau stopped to aide his lady or whether he just kept on with the business at hand. Depending on the lady, that could be a rather tough call in some instances, I would think.

Now this grave-defiling dolt (allegedly) is gonna have to get her weird-location sex on in a hospital bed, since that's where she's holed up for the time being (although she's reportedly "not badly hurt"). My advice to every nurse working on this dame's hospital floor: Don't go a knockin'!

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/06/02/2011-06-02_naked_jogger_streaks_through_kansas_suburb_hops_into_community_pool_full_of_kids.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1393890/Video-Kansas-streaker-jumps-public-swim
http://www.nj.com/mercer/index.ssf/2011/06/woman_injured_by_rolling_grave.htmlming-pool-children.html

Teacher's Car Be a Rockin'; DON'T Go a Knockin'! New Tales of School Teacher Sex w/ Students Involving Car BJs & Maniacal Cell Phone Use (Allegedly)!

I have to hand it to these high school teacher sex scandals: Every one is different. Every one seems to have some twisted fact pattern that distinguishes it from all that which has come before. And as long as uniquely crazy facts keep comin', I'll still be payin' attention!

So it is this week that we get (1) a teacher in Alabama who has pled guilty to performing oral sex on two of her students in her car and (2) another teacher in South Carolina who allegedly had sex with one of her students after he fired off hundreds of text messages at her like it was a Palestinian bombardament of Jerusalem. Talk about getting beat into submission...

I Wonder If Teach Drove a Hummer?

Sometimes it's necessary to blow the horn in your car, but this is ridiculous. And I wonder if her tailpipe has any chrome left. Regardless, I bet she really knows how to handle that four on the floor. And I've heard the schoolhouse phrase, "polish the apple," but "polish the knob"?

Her name is Amy Caudle of Alabama (the redhead pictured above), and this week the 31-year-old high school teacher plead guilty to charges that she played tonsil hockey with two of her male pupils in her own car.

And she might have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling fellow school employees. Caudle reportedly had a "slip of the tongue" when talking to one of her coworkers and let the snake slip that she'd been speaking into the mic of two of her students.

By the way, how in the hell does something like that just "slip" out of the tongue? I mean, what was it, something like this (?): "You know, Principal Lewinsky, I really think a lot of little Billy and little Bobby. I think they're just the tops. So much so, I blew 'em out in the parking lot yesterday."

Good Grief. No word whether Caudle might have also gone B-grade porn flick and shouted "you're getting an A" once the dirty deeds were complete.

And while school teachers are known for getting those nice extended vacations once every year, I don't think this is quite what Caudle had in mind: 15 years in the local hoosegow following her guilty plea (although reportedly she'll only face three years of hard time followed by 12 years of supervised probation).

Unfortunately, the only pink oboes and automobiles at the joint belong to the hacks. What will Amy ever do with herself?

Did You Get My Other 400 Texts Saying I Want to Bang You, Teach?

No Mas Text Messages! In South Carolina, 23-year-old Spanish teacher and swimming coach Abby McElhenny (the freckled blonde pictured above) is giving all of us Micks a bad name after being charged with sexual battery after allegedly letting one of her Spanish students take a poke at her. No se.

No "slip of the tongue" here, as McElhenny was reportedly busted by a flurry of text messages (he knows how to habla) that the 16-year-old punk sent to her. Flurry indeed, and the gesture went swimmingly well. Cops say the lad fired off almost 400 text messages to his little Spanish Lolita in the space of five days, raising the suspicions of his parents. (What's suspicious about that?)

Mommy and daddy reportedly checked the boy's phone after catching him in a lie about spending the night at a friend's house. Well, not so much a lie, since Ms. McElhenny was technically his special friend (allegedly).

Next, papa and mama pulled a little sting operation in which they had a friend (posing as a salesman) call Ms. McElhenny, which reportedly yielded the information that she was banging junior.

Again, I'm at a loss to figure out how that could have even gone down. So some purported salesman calls Teach and says something like (?): "Ms. McElhenny, I've got just THE cell phone for you. It has one touch text blocking. So if you're like other teacher customers I've had -- with students hittin' ya up for sex 24-7 -- then THIS phone is for you!" TEACH: "Where can I sign up?"

Yep, I really have to hand it to these depraved teachers (allegedly). It really is something new every single time. I fully expect next week to bring stories about Teacher love on an elevator, and down at the graveyard, and (just for good measure) blindfolded while performing parlor tricks.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1393381/Alabama-teacher-jailed-15-years-having-oral-sex-pupils-car.html

"Weinergate" Heading South Fast For Democrat Congressman. But No Worries, Leftist Partisans: The "Mainstream" Media's Got the Democrat Party's Back!

I thought this was just a funny little holiday weekend story. Not even worthy of a stand-alone post. Thus, over the weekend, I coupled it with two other weiner stories. Not even a loudmouthed slimy leftist 20 percenter like Weiner (I told myself) could be so stupid as to tweet out a picture of his package (the pic at issue is above) to a young lady. But not so fast! This story's heading downstairs for Anthony's Weiner faster than a No. 1 visit to a Mississippi Shithouse.

"It Could Be Weiner"

The latest this week has Anthony Weiner (a New York democrat party congressman) actually claiming that he can't say for sure whether or not the tweeted picture shows his tallywhacker! Or, to use the slimy politician weasel words of an individual like Weiner, the democrat says he "can't say with certitude" whether or not the photo is of his Johnson, as opposed to someone else's wedding tackle (links to full story at bottom).

This is nearly a complete reversal from the weekend, when this fool was out there blaming "conservatives" and a "hacker" for sending out the photo under his Twitter account.

So what's the story now, Weiner??? Is it that some conservative hacker, in addition to hacking Weiner's account, also may have secretly took a picture of Anthony's Weiner? What's next!?! Bush being involved? Global warming? The racist under your bed?

No Soft Spot for the Young Ladies When It Comes to Anthony's Weiner?

Not only is Anthony's Weiner being forced to defend allegations that he tweeted out his schlong to female college student Gennette Nicole Cordova (the African-American babe pictured above), but the new media scrutiny of his Twitter account has also raised the new allegation that Anthony's Weiner really takes a liking to the young ladies!

As the linked New York Post story reports, Anthony's Weiner has 49,000 Twitter followers, but he "follows back" only a select few 198 (the stingy bastard!). And of those 198, "a surprising number of them are total babes," including a prostitute! This from a leftist who once private messaged on the Net with a porn star named Ginger Lee!

Some of those young babes are pictured above, with such names as Megan Peters @ ladyfoxfyre (pictured with her head on her hands), Traci @ fermdennytraci (in the hat), Kim Pham @ kimpham (in the center), and Aria Finger @ AriaIrene (on the right).

Now, if Anthony's Weiner happened to be single, then there's really no problem here (even if he is 45 years old -- more power to him). But when you consider that he's married and just got married last summer (to the attractive Hillary Clinton "valet," Huma Abedin), then all them young ladies he's following on Twitter might just be judged as being "not quite so cool."

Weiner Goes Below the Belt, Takes a Whack at the Media

While (as detailed below) the "mainstream" media is doing its best to protect its beloved democrat party on this whole story, the same media -- apparently in love with the tabloid and sensationalistic nature of this story (not to mention driven by rival democrat party interests in the Big Apple who want to defeat Weiner for the Mayor's office in the future) -- are going after Weiner whole "hog" and are certainly not trying to ignore the story.

And Anthony's Weiner couldn't be more pissed! I'm sure he's thinking to himself, "these pr*cks are supposed to be protecting Anthony's Weiner!" The intense media attention has really gotten to Anthony's Weiner, as he clearly thinks he's being tooled.

On Wednesday, for example, Anthony's Weiner lashed out at one CNN producer, calling the producer a "JACKASS"! (CNN link below). Lord only knows what may be coming out of this deranged yogurt slinger's mouth next.

It's OK to THINK "Democrat," But DON'T SAY IT!

A simple five-minute Net surf on Wednesday quickly revealed that while the "mainstream" media is fully sizing up Anthony's Weiner, they're also doing their damndest to leave the democrat party's name the hell out of it. Gosh, who would-a figured?

My quick review showed a repeated pattern of either burying or just outright ignoring the party affiliation of Anthony's Weiner. Some outlets, such as Politico.com and LA Times, simply tried to bury the fact that Anthony's Weiner is a "democrat" by making sure only to include that fact paragraphs down in the story.

Other outlets (such as CBS and Huffington Post) couldn't muster up the gumption to even use the word "democrat," instead tossing in the obligatory "(D-N.Y.)" and no other reference to party affiliation.

But at least those outlets made some reference to either a "D" or a buried mention of "democrat." The same can't be said of multiple other "mainstream" outlets -- such as MSNBC, ABC News and New York Times (links to all three below) -- that actually made no reference whatsoever to the party affiliation of Anthony's Weiner!

After all, if you can't say "republican," then say nothing at all, right?! You know, I can't even imagine what it must be like to be a so-called "reporter" for one of these "mainstream" media outlets -- always feeling compelled to do whatever they can to protect the democrat party and the leftist 20 percenters. Must be a suck-shit way to go through life (and no different from any right-wing propagandist masquerading around as a "journalist").

But one thing you can always count on in this space: I'm an equal opportunity jerkwad. If it's funny, interesting and/or over-the-top, I couldn't give a rat's ass which party is involved: I'm going to write about it (see, e.g., republican congressman Chris Lee -- http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2011/02/oh-my-god-lame-goofward-gop-lawmaker.html)

But then again, I actually have a tiny shred of character and am not a robot. What's the "mainstream" media's and the partisans' excuse?

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/crotch_anthony_weiner_says_pic_can_ovlbrNDMVL50vhmcam2ZZL

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2011/06/01/nr.weiner.producer.spat.cnn?iref=allsearch
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/weiner_tweet_hearts_UTe6y5bwizh46ycTkIIkxH
http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/06/01/6764247-weiner-cant-say-with-certitude-that-lewd-photo-isnt-of-him
http://blogs.abcnews.com/thenote/2011/06/anthony-weiner-cannot-say-with-certitude-hes-not-subject-of-twitter-photo.html
http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/06/01/weiner-cant-say-that-photo-is-not-him/?scp=3&sq=weiner&st=cse

"Horror for US economy as Data Falls Off Cliff"; "We're On the Verge of a Great, Great Depression." Stop the Press! If Only Anyone Would Listen.

No pictures necessary on this blog post. Frankly, pictures would be inappropriate, because this is the most serious of topics upon which I write. We stand on the edge of economic collapse (links at bottom). And neither party which controls our rotten political system seems very serious about doing anything about it.

The leftist 20 percenter democrat party actually seems to want this to occur so that a new far leftist system can rise from the ashes of what was America. The republicans, meantime, are only minimally serious (in lip service only) about such things as significantly cutting our stifling national debt and permitting our small businesses and industry to start creating jobs, innovation and economic prosperity again.

And almost as frustrating are the ignorant (not dumb, just ignorant) American people at large. Completely oblivious, across the board. More interested in their reality shows and cell phones. I need look no farther than all of the family, friends and work people in my own life. Blotto. No idea of what's coming.

But frankly, I'm yawning at the whole topic. Because I've beaten this drum to death already. Most recently, for example, on April 16...

http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2011/04/79-all-over-again-obamas-approval.html

And on April 25...

http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2011/04/imf-bombshell-age-of-america-nears-end.html

So pay no attention, America. I've ceased to care very much. At least about any of you. Don't worry, I'll take care of me and my own only too well, just as I always have. The rest of ya'll: Go f*ck yourselves.

http://www.cnbc.com/id/43239586
http://www.cnbc.com/id/43236764

Livin' It Up with Ol' Blue Eyes: New Book Reveals Some Crazy New Stories About Frank Sinatra, But Unfortunately Leaves Some Big "Stones" Unturned...

I had hoped that the new "tell all" book by wife Barbara Sinatra (pictured above & on left) would at least reveal whether Frankie did, indeed, ever give a man the ol' Hucklebuck down at the end of the bar.

Friend Juggy Gayles once claimed that neither Sinatra nor Lapinsky "never had nothin' to do with the Bucklebuck [sic]," but somehow I don't put much stock in the crazy ramblings of a seemingly senile old man (audio clip at bottom). The book is silent on the entire subject matter area, regrettably.

Likewise, while the book does discuss how Sinatra had a great eye for "stone" (jewelry), it reveals little about whether he was your man if you needed to middle a rock somewhere, or whether the classic crooner could even tell the difference between a realsville stone and a fugazi.

There's also little discussion of Sinatra's alleged ties to the Italian mafia. Basically, Barb just pulls a big "forgetaboutit," saying only that Sinatra hated how the media was always talking about him and the mob. He hated that damn "press," says Barbara.

But those shortcomings aside, the new book -- entitled "Lady Blue Eyes: My Life with Frank Sinatra" -- does provide some entertaining new stories and personal facts about the man from Hoboken. And not all of them so flattering...

The Clean & Neat Freak: It's Funny To Everyone But Me

Despite the rumors about Frank's connections to organized crime, there was never anything dirty about this piece of work -- literally. He really "hated feeling dirty." And then some.

Widow Barbara says that her old man would "obsessively" take twelve showers a day! Now, if you figure around 16 waking hours in an average day, that comes out to about one romp in the bathhouse ever hour and a half! (Talk about being watered down -- no wonder he needed a bigger Rug than Bill Self on his first Red Carpet!)

The apparent goal of all those damn showers? To smell like lavender -- what else!?! "He always smelled of lavender," says Barbara.

Sinatra's cleanliness even led him to create a moniker for himself that told the whole story. Babs says "he signed his love notes to her, Charlie Neat."

The Luscious-Lunged Lout

Barbara says that Mr. Neat could also be a little messy. A regular Poppy Gets Sloppy bully. For example, when he wasn't berating and screaming at some Washington Post gossip columnist (and "for good measure stuffing two dollar bills in the woman's glass"), he might be seen tossing a man into a phone booth and clocking him one right in the kisser just "before sliding the door shut."

And Sinatra's "definite Jeckyll and Hyde personality" was only exacerbated when they started pouring the sauce down his snout. Barbara recalled "numerous evenings when he was overdrinking with his buddies, making scenes from New York to Hong Kong." Oftentimes when he went out drinking, he would just "disappear," she said.

One of his favorite drunken stunts was reportedly to rip phones out the wall and heave them into any nearby window. (No word whether he ever knocked over an entire phone booth in a fit of rage, like De Niro's "Jimmy the Gent" caricature on Goodfellas -- truth be told, I still prefer Keifer's Old Man Don as that character in The Big Heist.)

But Barbara says that Sinatra did have a "dangerous charm" about him. That's one way of putting it. Like the time she says he "hurled a brass clock into a wall during a game of charades." (Which I can only imagine: "I was a horse! Whatsamatta wid you?!")

Barbara also says that Francis Albert loved his first cousin, Jack Daniels, but that if Francis started taking a nip out the gin, then you needed to run the other direction. "I didn't want to be around him if he drank gin," says Babs. She'd even run away, literally:

"Gin, I think, made him mean. [If I saw] a gin bottle on the bar, I'd turn right around and go back in the room and lock the door because I didn't want to deal with that," she said.

The Romantic: It Was ALWAYS a Very Good Night (Errr, Year)

The book says Sinatra really knew how to treat a broad. Barbara described him as often "attentive and polite." He would also "pick out amazing jewelry, including a famous Cartier necklace."

He'd also sometimes fly his wife off to Paris for dinner. Barbara was a real sucker for all the expensive hotels and fancy cars, calling it "all some candy jar." (Sounds like a lyric from one of her old man's songs).

But despite some of those better attributes, Barbara still says "he wasn't the most romantic" hot-head in the connected-guy belfry. After all, a "prenup delivered to her on the morning of their wedding" tends to give a girl that particular perspective. (She did put her John Hancock on the dotted line, BTW).

Nor does cheating tend to provide such a perspective -- an activity on which the "notorious womanizer" Frankie should have written his own book before heading downstairs to join up with Juggy in the corner of the bar.

But Barbara's book is disappointingly silent on that whole topic, saying only that she took a neighbor's advice to "look the other way." (How many fellas would give their left fava bean for a dame like that!?!)

The Generosity: Start Spreadin' the C-Notes!

Sinatra was also known for his "state of the art tipping." No cheapskate here. And again, he comes across like some real-life "Jimmy the Gent" and/or a five-minute Steadicam shot through the bowels of The Copacabana. Says Barb:

"He'd walk into a restaurant with a stack of one hundred bills and say, 'make sure to take care of all the busboys, not the waiters, the busboys . . . and everyone in the kitchen."

The Pet Peeves: Mama Will Bark

Even though Sinatra liked to go around smelling like lavender, Barbara says the hypocrite hated "women who wore too much perfume."

And despite his own crazy party antics, Sinatra also didn't care for lushes "who couldn't hold their liquor" -- reportedly not a problem that Barbara ever had.

Sinatra scores the hypocrite hat-trick when it comes to his further disdain for women smoking, which he considered "unfeminine." As a result, Barbara was forced to give up her cigarettes. As for the old man...

The Quirks: Life Is So Peculiar

What did Sinatra have in common with hardcore wrestling legend The Sandman? Unfiltered Camel smokes, that's what. But while Sandman was known to chainsmoke those coffin nails on his way to the ring, somehow I doubt that Sinatra ever fired up a butt during the middle of "My Way." Regardless.

And in addition to be "extremely neat," Barbara also describes her husband as "a great cook, a voracious reader and crossword puzzle ace."

Finally, Barbara says that her old man could be a a very frugal dude who really loved his grilled cheese sandwiches (he was found dead with a half-eaten one beside him). Given that I once invented a very close variety known as the Slimeball Sandwich, I wonder if Ol' Blue Eyes would have taken to my creation?

I figure the next time I'm in California, maybe I head down to the graveyard, lay one of my sandwiches right there at Sinatra's grave, and see what ultimately pushes up out of it. If it's a stinkweed, then I'll definitely know that Frankie's giving me the ol' Hucklebuck.

http://www.9news.com/rss/story.aspx?storyid=200792
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1392767/Obsessive-Frank-Sinatra-took-12-showers-day-smelled-lavender-reveals-widow.html
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/lady-blue-eyes-life-frank-sinatra-excerpt/story?id=13563176
http://www.collegenews.com/index.php?/article/barbara_sinatra_12674/

A Few Too Many Weiners on Mem. Day: Allegations of Democrat Tweeting Weiner, Teens Terrorizing w/ Tallywhackers, & Woman Whacking Off Dude's Wanker!

I know Memorial Day is one of the year's biggest weekends for weiners and bratwursts, but this is ridiculous! Put those damn things away, already, you Willie Johnsons!

First it was "Weinergate" in New York over the weekend as a picture of an erect, "bulging male member" was somehow sent out over the Twitter account of democrat party U.S. representative Anthony Weiner (pictured above holding hands w/ recent bride and Hillary Clinton aide, Huma Abedin).

But that wasn't the end of it. Not by a long shot, as a quartet of Wisconsin teens (also pictured above) stands accused of terrorizing a fellow high school wrestler with their trouser snakes.

For good measure, another story out this past holiday weekend has a woman reportedly fighting of a rapist by hacking off his tube steak and then making sure to meticulously preserve it as evidence! All in all, this sure was one schlong Memorial Day weekend...

Weiner Wig-Out: That's Not My Dong, Damn It!

Imagine the surprise to congressman and democrat party member Anthony Weiner's 40,000 Twitter followers (that's all he has?) after a picture of a large, erect skin flute was sent out over Weiner's Twitter account to female college student Gennette Nicole Cordova (pictured above below Weiner) -- in the process reaching the In-Box of all of Weiner's Twitter followers as well.

Weiner reportedly has his "undies all in a twist" over the situation and claims his Twitter account was "hacked" by someone. He's also blaming "conservatives" for his plight. While I have no clue over the conservative charge, my read of several accounts of the story is that Weiner is probably being truthful that the dong photo was the work of a hacker.

I've never liked the obnoxious and rabid leftist 20 percenter Weiner at all, but I really can't see him tweeting out such a dumb picture. He just got married last summer to a hot babe, for cryin' out loud!

Weiner meantime appears ready to go whole "hog" over all this, as he's reportedly already hired special "counsel" to look into the matter and explore the possibility of pursuing all available "civil or criminal actions" and remedies.

Not a bad move, frankly. Put the lawyers at the joystick and let them see what kind of ding dong they can get to pop up.

I'd Hate to Have to Wrestle Out of This Who Who Dilly

The Wisconsin state champion wrestling team is currently grappling with scandal of GodZilla proportions, as a 15-year-old member of the team has accused a quartet of his Lincoln High School teammates of whipping out more than just headlocks and suplexes in the team's locker room. The 15-year-old is claiming sexual harassment.

The behavior was allegedly a repeated pattern of choad shenanigans that included "dancing around" the alleged victim "while they were naked, swinging their penises at him." During some of the instances, it's also alleged that the 15-year-old "was hit by each of [the quartet's] penises on his leg."

On one occasion, it's alleged that the victim was in a locker room shower when one of the quartet "placed his penis on victim's butt." The 15-year-old says that he "could not get away because he was boxed in" by two of the other wrestlers.

And this one really takes the Peter cake: The victim alleges he once had to jump into a locker and hide in order "to prevent being hit in the face by the penis of another wrestler." Jeezal Peezal! Haven't these guys ever heard of simply snapping a towel as a locker room jolly?!?

The accused tool-wielding quartet now faces criminal charges, but it seems doubtful they'll have to spend any time in the slightly rougher summer sausage shower on display at the local hoosegow. That's because "misdemeanor disorderly conduct" seems like a pretty light beef, even for a gang of baloney ponies (allegedly).

Weenie Whacker's "One Tough Mother"

A Bangladesh woman named Monju Begum will never be accused of spoliation (destruction) of evidence. The married mother of three reportedly fought off a male neighbor's rape attempt by chopping off his beef bayonet faster than an Oscar Meyer weiner burns on an overheated grill. (Been there, done that -- burning a weiner on a hot grill, that is).

And damn it, she was gonna make sure she showed the cops the evidence (i.e., said alleged rape rod). Cops says Monju immediately tossed the incriminating magic wand into a "polythene bag" (no corrosive, biodegradable paper bags for Monju) and rushed it down to nearest the local precinct so that cops would have the fleshy evidence.

Her alleged would-be rapist, Mozammel Haq Mazi, meantime is reportedly holed up in a local hospital and looking to recover from being turned from a rooster into a hen. It seems efforts to surgically reattach his unlawful unit (allegedly) did not take so well. I bet that sliced pickle is one weiner condiment that won't be appearing on his Memorial Day shanty table any time soon.

http://newyorkpost.com/p/news/local/queens/undies_in_twist_over_weiner_wiener_HznNI7XvjWgn9Lm2Xuq5pK

http://dailycaller.com/2011/05/30/weiner-spokesman-we%E2%80%99ve-retained-counsel-to-explore-possible-civil-or-criminal-actions/

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2011/05/30/2011-05-30_rep_anthony_weiner_hires_attorney_to_explore_civil_criminal_charges_in_lewd_twit.html

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/k-12/wrestlers-busted-locker-room-sex-harassment-231957

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/2011/05/30/2011-05-30_bangladeshi_woman_thwarts_rape_by_cutting_off_alleged_wouldbe_attackers_penis.html

Memorial Day Madness: It's Insansity in the Buff, as Buck Naked Men Go Bonkers, Do Subway Pole Dances, Crash Into Homes, & Take Hammer Beatings...

On this Memorial Day 2011, escalating inflation in Obama's America is very real. Look no farther than the gas pump and the grocery prices for your holiday cookout. Things are bad. And clothing prices -- forgetaboutit. But when you can't afford new threads, that does not give you license just to strip off the old ones and go apeshit!

And that's exactly what we had, with (1) a naked man in Maine allegedly bashing his giant dump truck into a house (pictured above) and taking a good hammer beating for his efforts and (2) an unclothed man giving an impromptu striptease and pole dance on the New York City subway (also pictured above).

Of course, they could have just as easily done all these things with their clothes on. But where would the fun in that be, right?

"He Started Fighting a Man He Didn't Even Know"

Well, he knew the guy in the first fight. Cops in South Berwick, Maine, say "it started with 24-year-old Eli Hutchins got into a fight with his friend" at his apartment complex this week. Not satisfied with those preliminary fisticuffs, cops say a naked Eli then took his fight to the street, apparently looking for new people with whom to brawl.

Cops say Hutchins got into his big dump truck and promptly rammed it into the living room of a stranger's home. After putting the vehicle in park, Eli allegedly "got out -- while naked -- and started fighting with a man he didn't even know" in the home.

But you see, it's a very dumb thing, fighting someone you "don't even know." It's the reason why bar and street fights are generally the domain of the mindless. You often can't tell how tough a dude is just by looking at him, and you never know what hell may be visited upon your ass if you just take to fighting any random person who comes along. Even if you are naked at the time.

And Eli learned that lesson only too well (allegedly). Cops say the resident of the home brought the fight right back at Eli and took to nailing Eli right on the melon with a big hammer! Cops quickly showed up and slapped the ol' cuffs on Eli. They "say he was high on drugs." No way!

Now Eli may have to take his bare ass and get "nailed" in a different kind of big house, since he faces fully-clothed charges that include assault and "operating under the influence."

Male "Stripper Works Pole on NYC 'L' Train"

"Talk about a strap-hanger," crows CBS New York. Subway passengers in the Big Apple this week got more than the price of admission when they were treated to a free and impromptu striptease and pole dance by "an unidentified man . . . in black briefs and black high-heel stilettos."

What's more, witnesses (not to mention the video of the event) indicate that this Buck Naked knew exactly "what he was doing." Yep, looks he was a male stripper getting warmed up for his night gig. No word whether any of the ladies on the subway (or dudes for that matter) whipped any dollar bills into Buck's black briefs.

Maybe so, or maybe not, since Buck's reviews were mixed. "He was barely wearing any clothes. Well, that is offensive," complained passenger Prince Arrow (real name). Not everyone shared Prince's prudishness, however.

Nope, other passengers were glad to see the special added attraction that Buck provided: "It was kind of nice to have some diversity, some original things going on. Entertainment, free entertainment," said passenger Heixan Robles (likewise real name).

And it was fans of Buck such as Heixan Robles who shared their appreciation by forming into a "makeshift flash mob" and launching into a "flash mob dance party" to help "egg on" Buck's little bare-skinned romp.

Which begs the question: Who's the crazier -- the deranged man who does the stark-naked deed, or those who would encourage him? Personally, I think the whole lot of 'em are without a stitch of sense.

http://www.wgme.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/wgme_vid_7986.shtml
http://www.pressherald.com/news/dump-truck-puts-gaping-hole-in-house_2011-05-27.html
http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2011/05/26/flash-mob-dance-party-breaks-out-as-stripper-works-pole-on-nyc-l-train/

He's Got the Charts to Prove It: Researcher Says Obama Will Be Rocked By Scandal Prior to the 2012 Election...

I hope this character ain't looking for any federal grants anytime soon. His name is Brendan Nyhan, and he's purportedly a scholar in Health Policy Research at the University of Michigan. And his latest research is most ominous to Obama's current status as the clear favorite to win the 2012 presidential election over whomever the mostly hapless republicans stick in there to challenge him.

Nyhan's new report says that Obama has a 95-100% chance of being rocked by a presidential scandal next summer if Obama manages to escape scandal before that. And Nyhan can back it up: Dude has his own mathematical formula -- not to mention plenty of charts and graphs! (No word whether Ross Perot and Karl Rove commissioned his study).

Nyhan fascinatingly points out that Obama has been most lucky so far -- going almost as long as any president in 30 years without being hit by his first true scandal. (Sorry, but Obama forgetting what year it was last week doesn't quite count).

Says Nyhan's report: "In the 1977-2008 period, the longest that a president has gone without having a scandal featured in a front-page Washington Post article is 34 months -- the period between when President [George W.] Bush took office in January 2001 and the Valerie Plame scandal in October 2003." Obama is almost to 30 months right now.

Nyhan predicts that Obama "will follow a similar trajectory to Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton (who both suffered significant first-term scandals)." But a caveat! Nyhan says that Obama may have at least one prayer of avoiding a first-term scandal: A complicit and heavily left-leaning American "mainstream" media. Damn pesky media bias.

Specifically, Nyhan says that: "Obama is treated more favorably by the media compared to his predecessors because he is America's first black president."

But I have to say I disagree with the good professor on that one: I think that undeniable bias has little to do with race, and everything to do with the "D" next to his name. Hillary would've gotten largely the same level of complicity and advocacy from the so-called "mainstreamers."

And there's another thing that Nyhan admits might save Obama: "The direction of media coverage in the coming months." Nyhan says that the media has been largely distracted by huge stories during Obama's tenure (e.g., Bin Laden's assassination, the Gulf oil spill, the ongoing Arab Fling, etc.), and he says that the continuation of that pattern could help to keep a lid on any pending or upcoming Obama scandal.

Says Nyhan on this point: "Continued unrest in the Middle East or other news events could also dampen the odds of a scandal breaking."

You here that, Obama? Better ratchet up our bullshit neo-con involvement in Libya and consider taking the fight to Syria!!! Your re-election may depend on it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1391859/The-math-proves-Obama-set-scandal-SOON.html

Rush: Sarah Palin Could Beat Obama and Scares Democrat Party the Most. Rager to Slimebaugh: Don't Piss on My Back & Tell Me It's Rick Perry...

With Sarah Palin sending signals that she may run for president after all, Rush Slimebaugh appeared to jump all over her bandwagon late this week. Slimebaugh said that Palin would have a very legitimate chance of defeating Obama in 2012 and, further, is the candidate that the democrat party fears the most!

I call bunk, not that I think Slimebaugh really believes any of those words, anyway. More on that in a minute...

The Odds of Palin Beating Obama Are About as High as Discovering Oil Beneath a Mississippi Shithouse

There's something black down there, alright, but it ain't Black Gold or Texas Tea -- and neither is Palin.

I believe that if there is one republican who definitively cannot beat Obama, it's Palin. There are simply too many people out there having a pronounced and established negative view of her -- I among them.

That's too many people (predominantly Independents) who would not even consider voting for her, while they would seriously consider (or at least in some part consider) voting for most of the other republican candidates.

I feel like Mickey Goldmill in Rocky III over here: You can't win, Rock (errr, Hottie).

The Real Reason the Leftists Obsess Over Palin: Pure, Unadulterated Hatred

And I don't put much stock, either, in Slimebaugh's pronouncement that the democrat party fears Palin. I've said this before: I accuse (and justifiably so) the leftist 20 percenters of many things, but being stupid is not typically among them.

The reason they've obsessed over Palin like no other republican that I can recall in my lifetime is that they just can't help themselves: Leftist 20 percenters absolutely hate any conservative or republican who is not a white male, and they made Palin their poster child in this regard. People who are not white males are not supposed to be conservative or republican, after all! (Sorry for the double negative).

Put another way: A female, black or Hispanic having the gall to be anything other than a nice little democrat party liberal is loathed by the leftists more than anything -- and they will always go after such a person with everything they have.

Giving Palin the full loony leftist treatment has had little to do with Palin's presidential chances, but everything to do with her sex and her politics.

And the democrat party accuses the republicans this week of being the anti-women party! The hilarity! But I digress.

Slimebaugh Cannot Believe the Words That Come Out of His Own Mouth

So Slimebaugh's statements now having been debunked, why did he make them? Slimebaugh's not stupid, after all. I actually give him credit for being pretty damn bright, even if there are few people as swift as the Rager. (Joke!)

Keep in mind also, this is a guy who for weeks last year said that deranged right-winger (and literal "Witchy Woman") Christine O'Donnell actually had a legitimate chance to win the Delaware Senate seat when she had no chance and everyone knew it.

It's similar here. Slimebaugh's agendas control his words and lead him often to say things that I don't think even he believes.

He'll First Play Up Palin 'Cause He Sure as Hell Ain't Gonna Run Down a Staunch Conservative

So what are Slimebaugh's agendas? I believe there are least two at play here: (1) Slimebaugh's desire to run everyone out of the republican party (at least in terms of the powerbrokers) who's not a dyed in the wool social and economic conservative; and (2) what I believe is his high desire for Texas governor Rick Perry (pictured above w/ the six-shooter) to toss his hat into the republican presidential field.

The first agenda leads him to naturally support candidates like Palin and O'Donnell even when they have no chance to win because Slimebaugh would rather have a conservative run and lose than a perceived "moderate" run who might win or lose.

After all, non-establishment conservatives and tea party types like Slimebaugh genuinely disdain so-called "RINOS" (alleged moderate "Republicans In Name Only") almost to the same degree that the leftist 20 percenters hate non-white male conservatives and republicans. (Must be such a joy to be a member of either of these two parties!)

He'll Also Play Up Palin to Scare Rick Perry (or Others) Into Running

The second agenda is admittedly a theory of mine, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that my political theories are typically either dead-on right or at the very least turn out to have significant elements of truth. (Hey, somebody's gotta pat me on the back!)

I believe Slimebaugh thinks that playing up a crazy, damaged goods person like Palin as a serious candidate will lead a perceived republican heavy-hitter like Rick Perry (or maybe Chris Christie) to run -- the thought being, someone's gotta get in there and make sure she doesn't get the GOP nomination since she'd have no chance of winning.

Slimebaugh would love Perry to get involved. Perry is what I often call a true deranged right-winger tea party type (thus passing Slimebaugh's litmus test) and, truth be told, would be a very serious challenger to Obama. If you told me that Perry is a guy that would scare the hell out of the democrat party, then I'd agree with you.

So when Slimebaugh makes these kinds of crazy statements about Palin's chances and how people are "afraid" of her, take it all with a grain of salt. Just as when the leftist 20 percenters say things and make pronouncements, it's no different with the right-wingers: Always an agenda at play. Either that, or (if he actually believes his statements) maybe Slimebaugh really is just that stupid (doubt it).

http://www.foxnews.com/on-air/on-the-record/transcript/limbaugh-palin-scares-039establishment039-gop-and-democrats-obama-039easily-beatable039

"Objection, Your Honor -- Her Cleavage Is Showing!" Lawyer Accuses Rival of Using Paralegal "With a Figure Like Christina Hendricks" to Distract Jury

Frankly, there aren't too many courtrooms in the country where you'd see such an asinine issue come up or even be raised. But this is Chicago and Cook County. The Chicago Way. Barack Obama & All. Say no freakin' more.

In the Windy City, a defense lawyer in a small claims case is accusing the plaintiffs' lawyer of using a "large breasted" paralegal at counsel table to try to distract the jury from the matters at hand (links at bottom). And he's fightin' mad over it!

The Plus-Sized Details of a Most Chesty Dispute

The defense lawyer, Thomas Gooch, has filed a motion asking the judge to bar "buxom" Daniella Atencia from sitting beside plaintiffs' lawyer Dmitry Feofanov during an upcoming trial. Daniella and Dmitry are pictured together immediately above.

While truth be told, you can't tell too much about Daniella's rack from that particular picture, she "is said to have a figure like Mad Men's Christina Hendricks" (also pictured above) -- meaning this is one big bosomy broad! (And who gave Daniella those glasses, anyway, Woody Allen?).

Gooch says that the shapely Daniella's "sole purpose is to draw the attention of the jury away from the relevant proceedings." He calls the "sitting of a buxom woman at counsel's table" an "unfair tactic" and accuses opposing counsel Dmitry of using this "dirty trick" to try to "sabotage his case." (Dmitry, BTW, represents plaintiffs Song and Maria Sayavongsa, who are suing car dealership Exotic Motors over a used car beef.)

Gooch claims to have previous experience with Dmitry "using" the robust Daniella and her sizable hooters in just such a way during an arbitration. As a result, Gooch says that Daniella and her hot headlights are sure to show up at trial "dressed in such a fashion to call attention to herself." Gooch was actually reportedly able to get the big-canned Daniella barred from the earlier arbitration proceeding on this same legal basis!

The Full-Figured Flunkie with the Huge Knockers Ain't Even a Real Paralegal (Allegedly)!

Gooch also says that big boobs or not, the luscious Daniella and her fulsome fun bags have no business at counsel table, if for no other reason than she's not actually a paralegal (Gooch alleges):

"Personally, I like large breasts," Gooch said. "However, I object to somebody I don't think is a qualified paralegal sitting at the counsel table."

Gooch even goes so far as to basically accuse of Dmitry of misrepresenting the paralegal credentials of his big-jugged "foxy assistant" to the Cook County Court. While two existing court orders show the busty Daniella and her massive meat puppets being paid as a paralegal, Gooch says that doesn't prove a damn thing:

"That means Dmitry handed up a bill to a judge that said paralegal on it. I don't believe it's a legitimate thing. It's a sham."

But with Gooch trying to make him out to look like a fruit sundae on "The Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas," Dmitry is firing back in support of the full-bosomed "brunette beauty" Daniella and her mountainous melons:

Specifically, Dmitry has filed a response to Gooch's motion and "has slammed Gooch for sexism, insisting that his stunning sidekick is his paralegal assistant, and that he needs her at his table" during the trial.

The Plus-Proportioned Paralegal & Her Hearty Twins Should Be Allowed to Stay, I Say!

Gooch's motion seeks to boot the luxuriantly stacked Daniella and her "ample figure" back to the courtroom "gallery with the other spectators." But that's where the tatas of his arguments start to sag a bit for the ol' Goocher.

For example, why wouldn't a thinly-clad and curvaceous Daniella (not to mention her monstrous mammaries) be just as "distracting" sitting in the front row of the gallery as she'd be 15-20 feet away at counsel table?

Also, how in the hell does Gooch overcome that what's good for the bazongas is also good for the bazooms: If the juicy and toothsome tracks of land hoed by Daniella are truly distracting to the jury, isn't she just as distracting during Dmitry's case in chief as she would be during the defense case? How is Gooch harmed any more than Dmitry?

The judge hasn't yet ruled on Gooch's motion, but will have to do so soon since trial starts June 2. I'll personally find it hilarious if he kicks the voluptuous Daniella and her huge honkers back to the gallery, since that is so completely unnecessary.

If I'm the judge, my ruling is simple: Defendant's motion is denied, but the parties are advised that professional attire is to be worn in this courtroom at all times. If anything other than professional attire is worn during trial, the Court will exclude such person from the entire courtroom.

Simple as that. But then again, we are still talking about Cook County, Illinois.

(Damn pesky free legal analysis).

http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/news/local/chibrknews-lawyer-protests-presence-of-buxom-woman-20110525,0,3039522.story

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/05/26/2011-05-26_lawyer_opponent_is_using_sexy_assistant_to_distract_jury_i_like_large_breasts_bu.html?r=news

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1391193/Thomas-Gooch-objects-busty-woman-court.html#