I have to hand it to these high school teacher sex scandals: Every one is different. Every one seems to have some twisted fact pattern that distinguishes it from all that which has come before. And as long as uniquely crazy facts keep comin', I'll still be payin' attention!So it is this week that we get (1) a teacher in Alabama who has pled guilty to performing oral sex on two of her students in her car and (2) another teacher in South Carolina who allegedly had sex with one of her students after he fired off hundreds of text messages at her like it was a Palestinian bombardament of Jerusalem. Talk about getting beat into submission...
I Wonder If Teach Drove a Hummer?
Sometimes it's necessary to blow the horn in your car, but this is ridiculous. And I wonder if her tailpipe has any chrome left. Regardless, I bet she really knows how to handle that four on the floor. And I've heard the schoolhouse phrase, "polish the apple," but "polish the knob"?
Her name is Amy Caudle of Alabama (the redhead pictured above), and this week the 31-year-old high school teacher plead guilty to charges that she played tonsil hockey with two of her male pupils in her own car.
And she might have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling fellow school employees. Caudle reportedly had a "slip of the tongue" when talking to one of her coworkers and let the snake slip that she'd been speaking into the mic of two of her students.
By the way, how in the hell does something like that just "slip" out of the tongue? I mean, what was it, something like this (?): "You know, Principal Lewinsky, I really think a lot of little Billy and little Bobby. I think they're just the tops. So much so, I blew 'em out in the parking lot yesterday."
Good Grief. No word whether Caudle might have also gone B-grade porn flick and shouted "you're getting an A" once the dirty deeds were complete.
And while school teachers are known for getting those nice extended vacations once every year, I don't think this is quite what Caudle had in mind: 15 years in the local hoosegow following her guilty plea (although reportedly she'll only face three years of hard time followed by 12 years of supervised probation).
Unfortunately, the only pink oboes and automobiles at the joint belong to the hacks. What will Amy ever do with herself?
Did You Get My Other 400 Texts Saying I Want to Bang You, Teach?
No Mas Text Messages! In South Carolina, 23-year-old Spanish teacher and swimming coach Abby McElhenny (the freckled blonde pictured above) is giving all of us Micks a bad name after being charged with sexual battery after allegedly letting one of her Spanish students take a poke at her. No se.
No "slip of the tongue" here, as McElhenny was reportedly busted by a flurry of text messages (he knows how to habla) that the 16-year-old punk sent to her. Flurry indeed, and the gesture went swimmingly well. Cops say the lad fired off almost 400 text messages to his little Spanish Lolita in the space of five days, raising the suspicions of his parents. (What's suspicious about that?)
Mommy and daddy reportedly checked the boy's phone after catching him in a lie about spending the night at a friend's house. Well, not so much a lie, since Ms. McElhenny was technically his special friend (allegedly).
Next, papa and mama pulled a little sting operation in which they had a friend (posing as a salesman) call Ms. McElhenny, which reportedly yielded the information that she was banging junior.
Again, I'm at a loss to figure out how that could have even gone down. So some purported salesman calls Teach and says something like (?): "Ms. McElhenny, I've got just THE cell phone for you. It has one touch text blocking. So if you're like other teacher customers I've had -- with students hittin' ya up for sex 24-7 -- then THIS phone is for you!" TEACH: "Where can I sign up?"
Yep, I really have to hand it to these depraved teachers (allegedly). It really is something new every single time. I fully expect next week to bring stories about Teacher love on an elevator, and down at the graveyard, and (just for good measure) blindfolded while performing parlor tricks.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1393381/Alabama-teacher-jailed-15-years-having-oral-sex-pupils-car.html
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