Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day Madness: It's Insansity in the Buff, as Buck Naked Men Go Bonkers, Do Subway Pole Dances, Crash Into Homes, & Take Hammer Beatings...




On this Memorial Day 2011, escalating inflation in Obama's America is very real. Look no farther than the gas pump and the grocery prices for your holiday cookout. Things are bad. And clothing prices -- forgetaboutit. But when you can't afford new threads, that does not give you license just to strip off the old ones and go apeshit!

And that's exactly what we had, with (1) a naked man in Maine allegedly bashing his giant dump truck into a house (pictured above) and taking a good hammer beating for his efforts and (2) an unclothed man giving an impromptu striptease and pole dance on the New York City subway (also pictured above).

Of course, they could have just as easily done all these things with their clothes on. But where would the fun in that be, right?

"He Started Fighting a Man He Didn't Even Know"

Well, he knew the guy in the first fight. Cops in South Berwick, Maine, say "it started with 24-year-old Eli Hutchins got into a fight with his friend" at his apartment complex this week. Not satisfied with those preliminary fisticuffs, cops say a naked Eli then took his fight to the street, apparently looking for new people with whom to brawl.

Cops say Hutchins got into his big dump truck and promptly rammed it into the living room of a stranger's home. After putting the vehicle in park, Eli allegedly "got out -- while naked -- and started fighting with a man he didn't even know" in the home.

But you see, it's a very dumb thing, fighting someone you "don't even know." It's the reason why bar and street fights are generally the domain of the mindless. You often can't tell how tough a dude is just by looking at him, and you never know what hell may be visited upon your ass if you just take to fighting any random person who comes along. Even if you are naked at the time.

And Eli learned that lesson only too well (allegedly). Cops say the resident of the home brought the fight right back at Eli and took to nailing Eli right on the melon with a big hammer! Cops quickly showed up and slapped the ol' cuffs on Eli. They "say he was high on drugs." No way!

Now Eli may have to take his bare ass and get "nailed" in a different kind of big house, since he faces fully-clothed charges that include assault and "operating under the influence."

Male "Stripper Works Pole on NYC 'L' Train"

"Talk about a strap-hanger," crows CBS New York. Subway passengers in the Big Apple this week got more than the price of admission when they were treated to a free and impromptu striptease and pole dance by "an unidentified man . . . in black briefs and black high-heel stilettos."

What's more, witnesses (not to mention the video of the event) indicate that this Buck Naked knew exactly "what he was doing." Yep, looks he was a male stripper getting warmed up for his night gig. No word whether any of the ladies on the subway (or dudes for that matter) whipped any dollar bills into Buck's black briefs.

Maybe so, or maybe not, since Buck's reviews were mixed. "He was barely wearing any clothes. Well, that is offensive," complained passenger Prince Arrow (real name). Not everyone shared Prince's prudishness, however.

Nope, other passengers were glad to see the special added attraction that Buck provided: "It was kind of nice to have some diversity, some original things going on. Entertainment, free entertainment," said passenger Heixan Robles (likewise real name).

And it was fans of Buck such as Heixan Robles who shared their appreciation by forming into a "makeshift flash mob" and launching into a "flash mob dance party" to help "egg on" Buck's little bare-skinned romp.

Which begs the question: Who's the crazier -- the deranged man who does the stark-naked deed, or those who would encourage him? Personally, I think the whole lot of 'em are without a stitch of sense.

http://www.wgme.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/wgme_vid_7986.shtml
http://www.pressherald.com/news/dump-truck-puts-gaping-hole-in-house_2011-05-27.html
http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2011/05/26/flash-mob-dance-party-breaks-out-as-stripper-works-pole-on-nyc-l-train/

10 comments:

  1. Postscript: Please before I ever get whacked by a hammer or railroad spike, I must say that I'd instead prefer a buggy whip or riding crop. Pounding and piercing weapons are always less preferable than flogging ones.

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  2. You're a smart man, always go for the flogging when presented with a choice....always. Now, if they threw in a fur lined pair of handcuffs, NOW, we're talkin'!

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  3. Even better yet would be a fur-lined staple gun. Then when you stick the staple in the man's head, he would look like one of those freaks that has random patches of fur growing on various parts of his mush, torso, breasts and extremities. It's a variation on the Bearded Lady: The Furball Man!

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  4. I'd pay to see the Furball Man at the circus =)

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  5. I'm kind of partial to the midgets. Those little guys are incredible when they get to leaping around and pulling their zany antics.

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  6. They are nimble little minxes, aren't they?? =)

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  7. Especially that crazy little midget on HBO's "Game of Thrones." That little guy has already been seen beating the hell out of full grown men, having sex with full grown women, and cursing up a storm better than just about any full grown human could ever do.

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  8. Now that is a sight I've never seen....a midget dude doin' the nasty with a regular sized woman...interesting visual, trying to work out the details in my head....hehe....it's making me chuckle =)

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  9. Actually, the little guy was getting a BJ and making crazy faces. But I have little doubt they will soon show him having full-on sex with some broad. He's a very crazy little character.

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  10. He was 'turning Japanese' huh? =)

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