More democrat party Lessons in Civility: Teamsters' Jimmy Hoffa Jr. Tells Obama to Enlist Hoffa's Forces to "Take Out" Obama's Political Opponents...

Teamsters president Hoffa was reportedly tasked Monday with "warming up the crowd" for a speech by Obama in Detroit. And what better way to conjure up a little crowd enthusiasm than a good call to arms or two, not to mention some nice over-the-top rhetoric that could be easily construed as a call for violent action against people who don't agree with Obama and the democrat party agenda.

Specifically, Hoffa told those in attendance that "we like a good fight" and need to go to "war," calling for Obama to enlist Hoffa's "army" of Teamsters members to "march" and "take out" the "sons of bitches" such as the right-winger republic partisans and tea partiers who disagree with Obama and democrat party interests.

But therein lies the trap that Obama might want to avoid falling into. Obama's 2012 AD reelection team has previously declared a solitary focus upon a strategy to "kill" Mitt Romney or whomever the republic partisan nominee is.

Thus, if Obama and the leftist 20 percenters shift their focus now and change horses in midstream to the much broader focus of "taking out" all "sons of bitches" who oppose or disagree with them, then they may just overextend themselves in the process (and even sweep onto their enemies list many of those damn pesky Independents).

Napoleon in 1812 AD (not to mention the Roman Empire earlier and others later whom I will not name specifically) historically learned the same lesson only too late: You can't carry out a good death wish against the entire universe of dissent, after all, without first shoring up the earthly demise of all the opponents who are immediately in front of you. That, and those Russian winters (which always start in early November) can be particularly harsh.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2011/09/05/jimmy_hoffa_at_obama_event_on_gop_lets_take_these_son_of_bitches_out.html

Labor Day Lunacy: Australia Bans Term "BC" From Schoolbooks Because It Refers to Christ. How Long for American Leftist 20 Percenters to Think of This?

...I'll give them about five minutes. Oh, and for good measure, Australia has also banned the term "AD" in schoolbooks since the demented country apparently views that term as a veiled reference to Christ. Can't have that, now can we?

And get a load of the stupid-ass politically correct replacements for these centuries-old terms: In Australia, years preceding the birth of Christ will now be referred to as "Before Common Era" (or BCE) and years following Christ's birth will be referenced as "Common Era" (CE). Does that mean that September 11, 2001 AD never really occurred?

I personally would have gone with Bullshit (BS) and Cow Dung (CD) as the replacement terms, but who listens to me. Plus, when it comes to the ridiculous terms that were chosen, we are talking about penal colony descendants over there. Not to mention, there is a small silver lining to all this leftist kookiness. Because it gives me an idea:

I love using terms that people don't want me to use. And since the leftists apparently have a problem with "BC" and "AD," I'm going to make a point henceforth to start referring to dates and years on this blog with an "AD" suffix. To the Aussie embeciles: You can stick that one on your barbie and smoke it until the Year 2525 AD for all I care.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2033225/Australia-goes-PC-ban-BC-Birth-Jesus-removed-reference-point-dates-school-history-books.html

Holy Pop a' Shot: Paintball Blast Causes a Woman's Fake Boob to Explode!

What's worse? Getting busted by a high-speed paintball right in the jowels or having your fake bust busted instead? I'm posing this inquiring to a 26-year-old British woman who just experienced such a rack impact this week. At least the other fake knocker is still intact.

In what's being described as an "unusual risk" attendant to playing paintball, the woman's fake jug reportedly "exploded after she was hit in the chest by a paintball, which can travel at 190 mph." (Link to full story at bottom)

The incident is thought to be a "first of its kind" -- at least on the other side of the pond -- although it come on the heels of another European story previously covered in this space concerning a snake that died after puncturing a woman's fake boobie with its fang and swallerin' a big snout full a' silicon (pic below/link at bottom). Bad thing for a snake.

As for the paintball broad, she had to seek medical treatment and is reportedly resting herself and her collapsed balcony at home this weekend. I just hope some slippery serpeant doesn't come calling for the other fake fun bag.

Meantime the "UK Paintball" association says it's all over this case like a tight bra on a big set of fake melons. The organization's website is imploring all future paintball participants to fess up if they have fake cans so that they can "be given special information on the dangers of paintballing with enhanced boobs and [they'll be asked] to sign a disclaimer."

They'll also be getting some special bosom armor, as the organization promises to "issue extra padding to protect your implants while paintballing."

The British incident has also apparently caused new concerns that some woman view their fake honkers as some sort of indestructible cushion against everything the world might throw at them. This follows a shooting victim in Cali whose "implant kept the bullet fragments from reaching her heart and vital organs." But don't be fooled, experts say -- just ask the babe in Britain.

And as one firearms instructor with the LAPD advised: "I don't want to say a boob job is the equivalent of a bulletproof vest. So don't go getting breast enhancements as a means to deflect a possible incoming bullet."

Fair enough. But how are the fake dirty pillows at deflecting sword thrusts and railroad spike stabbings? That, seems to me, is the real question here.

Regardless, the notorious LA Times says there is a "moral of this story": "If you absolutely have to get breast implants, avoid any potentially high-impact activities." So paintball's out. But what if the fake bazongas do windows?

http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-breast-impant-paintball-explode-woman-20110901,0,4599850.story
http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2011/03/thats-gotta-smart-snake-dies-of.html

That Ain't No Midget: Bosomy Four-Year-Old Impersonates Dolly Parton in Child Beauty Pageant! Now, Does THIS Maybe Go Just a Tad Too Far?

The tot has tatas, but only problem -- she shouldn't for at least ten years. This rather shocking (not to mention slightly sickening) scene comes courtesy of TLC's "Toddlers and Tiaras" -- the caring network's effort to encourage and sensationalize "the bizarre world of child beauty pageants."

This week's episode has reportedly "sparked outrage and disbelief" (I really can't understand why), as it features four-year-old tike Maddy Jackson of Tennessee "emulating buxom country singer Dolly party -- complete with fake breasts"! C-cup, to be precise.

This little punk can't even read yet and "can barely string sentences together," but that didn't stop her mama Lindsay from hanging a fake rack on the little shit and (get this) butt job enhancements! I've heard of "Baby Got Back," but this just may go a bit too far.

And how 'bout the little exhibition put on by this madman mama during the show (photo below): Other little girl contestants on the show are seen becoming "perturbed" at the sight of mama and baby in the dressing room screwing around with baby's enhancements. In particular, they had to watch mama Lindsay "rearrange her daughter's fake breasts."

One of the other little rotten contestants even tried to get in on the act, "probing [Maddy's] chicken fillets before Maddy crosses her arms" as a rudimentary sort of defense, apparently.

But alas, some sanity: There's reportedly a Facebook campaign being waged by concerned adults to try to force this deranged show off the air -- particularly after the Dolly Parton bit.

Normally I laugh at curmudgeony TV boycott efforts, but not here. This example involves shameless exploitation of little kids, and this crap should be yanked from the air, although it almost certainly won't be.

One TV columnist at TV.com named Tim Surette said enough's enough already: "I'm drawing the line of arguable decency at [kids with] fake tits," fumed Surette.

But in an appearance on the "Today" show earlier this week, twisted mama Lindsay is defending her choice to bust out the makeshift boob and butt job on her infant daughter:

"To some people, it's over the top, but to us it's just what happens. It's just normal. When she wears the fake boobs and the fake butt, it's just like an extra bonus . . . Everybody thinks it's hysterical!," hissed the maniacal mama. Yeah. Little tiny girls with fake cans -- a regular barrel of laughs.

And mama's second defense relies on a sickeningly strained comparison to "gymnastics, dance and cheerleading" -- where mama says they also "wear hair and make up." How about fake melons and ass pads? The cheer gals wearing those too, mama? [Little Maddy, sans her enhancements, is pictured immediately below]

Even the little girl's Granny is weighing in with a cliched defense, trying to justify this creepy craziness by reference to the "cash prizes" that the little toddler may someday be able to put toward "schooling fees."

RIGHT! As if the lunatic and loon known as Granny and mama can be trusted to put that money away for baby's future welfare. Two words: Gary Coleman. Although at least Arnold Drummond was never made to wear strap-on appendages on "Diff'rent Strokes."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2032641/Toddlers-Tiaras-Fake-breasts-Maddy-Jackson-4-takes-TLC-new-low.html

That's the Ticket! MSNBC Pundit Says gop's Opposition to Obama Scheduling "Jobs" Speech on Same Night as gop Debate "Possibly Based on Skin Color"...

I sometimes wonder: Does the democrat party and its myriad media mouthpieces ever contemplate that (1) whenever you liken republic partisan or tea partier disagreement or opposition to being a racist, a fascist, a terrorist, a lyncher, a nazi, Jim Crow's grandson, satan himself, an individual who needs to "go to hell," or a person who wishes to have a race of human beings hung from trees, (2) then you necessarily sweep into those vile descriptions anyone and everyone who disagrees with some or much of the leftist 20 percenter democrat party agenda -- such as many Independents?

It's always struck me as rather dumb politics. I doubt the perceived benefit of riling up the leftist base to want to vote, make noise and contribute dough comes close to outweighing the fair amount of offense that many of us Independents (the people who decide your elections) take to such romper room rhetoric.

Exhibit 1: November 2, 2010. Might we see Exhibit 2 introduced into evidence here in about 14 months? Only time will tell.

But this Independent, for one, does tend to have a very, very long memory. Or you just can just tell me to go to hell. Whatever floats your boat, leftist 20 percenters.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2011/08/31/wolffe_opposition_to_obama_speech_possibly_based_on_skin_color.html
http://newsone.com/nation/casey-gane-mccalla/andre-carson-tea-party-wants-to-see-black-people-hanging-from-trees/

She Just Wanted to Paint the Town Red. And Purple. And Green. And Yellow... Buck Naked Paint Broad Busted in Birthday Suit!

Just call her the human paint stripper. Do I have to paint a picture for you? OK then, she's 21-year-old Zoe West, and cops in the Big Apple aren't exactly painting the most flattering picture of her. They say they busted her denuded ass this week for walking through Times Square wearing nothing but a damn paint job!

Zoe is the "human canvas" for one "flesh-obsessed painter" named Andy Golub, who reportedly starting "touching up" the topless Zoe around 2:30 p.m. Tuesday. Golub apparently put the finishing touches on his leafless landscape an hour or so later, meaning it was time for Zoe -- by now bottomless as well -- to hit the street for a free public exhibition.

But it wasn't too long before the painted peeler had a "brush with the law." I guess these cops never took Art Appreciation, because they painted Zoe with the same brush as so many common criminals -- slapping the ol' cuffs on her and hauling the walking paint palette down to the hoosegow.

Golub, for his part, is trying to varnish over any suggestion that he shouldn't have sent his art "piece" out into the world wearing nothing but a smile and a fresh coat of paint. "I explained all this [risk of arrest] to my model, so she was completely aware," gushed Golub. This guy sounds about as exciting as watching paint dry.

And apparently this sort of thing is nothing new for Golub the galoot, who was glossed with public lewdness charges earlier this summer when he dispatched two of his other mammary mural models to "strip down in their birthday suits," also in Times Square. (One of those painted ponies is pictured immediately above).

Meantime Zoe claims she did nothing wrong when she traipsed around in the Square sporting only a licked finish. "I don't believe there is truly anything wrong with what I did and with what [Golub] was doing," Zoe maintained after putting some clothes on.

She can also consider herself very lucky to be coming out of this smelling like a rose rather than a old can of lacquer. It seems that cops have dropped all charges against her. But somehow I think the cops will be feeling less than charitable if she ever paints herself into a corner like this again.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/artist_naked_paint_babe_busted_y0pgK16ifCqGWqmjSCoe8O

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2011/08/31/2011-08-31_gets_nude_nabbed_in_times_sq.html
http://gothamist.com/2011/08/31/naked_flesh_still_dangerous_crimina.php

It Wasn't Anthony's Weiner Down There: TSA Efforts Discover That Man Has Big Snake in His Trousers. And Before You Say Of Course They Did...

...at least this time the TSA agents, for a change, didn't even have to grope the man up to discover his long trouser snake. The strange thing was -- this snake had two eyes. And there were a whole lot more.

The feds busted a Florida man this past week for allegedly trying to smuggle a gaggle of snakes and turtles (pictures below) aboard an international flight by stuffing the repulsive reptiles right down his britches! After this bestial bust went down, TSA scored a touchdown and a field goal, tallying up a final score of seven snakes and three tortoises.

And TSA agents seem to be going out of their way to explain that it wasn't one of their typical grope jobs that resulted in an agent putting his hands on the two-eyed Willies lurking hidden beneath the man's drawers (allegedly). Rather, it was one of those "minimally invasive" full body scans. Or, as the TSA explains, it "used imaging technology, which allows agents to find potential threats hidden from the naked eye." Glad they cleared that up.

The Florida man was reportedly trying to board a flight to Brazil at the Miami airport. Which makes me surprised he didn't have a Portuguese Man o' War down there amongst the other creatures. And who knows what deranged experiments that Josef Mengele had in mind for these reptiles on the other end of this flight -- presuming, of course, that the Angel of Death was the prospective buyer.

Alternatively, I wonder if that horde of snakes and turtles was actually the Florida man's own little demented version of the Brazilian butt-lift workout? There's no better way to "transform your booty now," after all, even if such a maneuver -- using live reptiles and all -- could earn this guy a one-way ticket to the snakepit.

Regardless, on a day when Texas singer and failed politician Kinky Friedman spouted that "Obama has done for the economy what pantyhose did for foreplay," this Florida snake man may have set the merits of pantyhose back even further. The TSA says the man had all the reptiles decked out in ladies' hose before shoving them inside his pants. Turtle legs likely never looked so sexy, even if they do taste like chicken.

And if you think this man's now gonna be sent up the Amazon River faster than a piranha swarm in the Brazilian rain forest, then you might want to think again. He's apparently facing charges for what's being called "ssssmuggling" and harboring animals in an "unnatural habit." (One way of putting it).

But therein likely may lie his defense. Isn't the "natural habitat" for a slimy, slithery reptile a cold, damp, dark, smelly joint -- just like the crotch allegedly involved here? Scale for thought.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/08/30/2011-08-30_tsa_busts_man_with_snakes_turtles_hidden_in_pants_woman_caught_with_birds_stashe.html?r=news/national
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2031851/Snakes-tortoises-Pants-Miami-Man-arrested-trying-board-flight.html
http://dailycaller.com/2011/08/29/kinky-friedman-obama-has-done-for-the-economy-what-pantyhose-did-for-foreplay/
http://brazilianbuttliftworkout.net/

"Is Rick Perry Dumb?," Asks Media Outlet.Can Three Texas Prairie Dogs Hold a Menage a Trois in a Waco Shithouse?

The Answer (to both questions): No freakin' idea. Frankly, don't care. I'm clearly on record in this space as being no fan at all of Perry (the Texas gop'er running for president). Whether he's dumb, brilliant, or just mediocre in terms of political intellect (mediocre at best is about where I'd stick Obama, BTW) really makes no difference to me.

That's because Perry's a prototypical deranged right-winger and then some, and I ain't votin' for him no more than I'd consider ever voting for a loony leftist 20 percenter democrat party member like Obama. Concealed weapons in college classrooms, repeated secession talk, and calling evolution a "theory" does that to any sane Independent. But I digress.

A few points from Politico.com's "Is Rick Perry Dumb?" headline today: First, I can't really imagine any of the so-called "mainstream" media outlets -- of which the slightly left-leaning Politico is a member -- ever, ever, ever titling a story like that if a democrat party candidate was the subject. And make no mistake, just as many democrat party members as republic partisans are as stupid as an Urban Cowboy wedding gift or a military involvement in Libya.

So why not any "Is Joe Biden dumb?" or a "Is Patty 'Wasserman' Simpson dumb?" headlines every now and then from the "mainstreamers"? Those two dumbasses regularly make comments just as stupid as some of the craziest things I've ever heard Perry spout (which is really sayin' something).

It's a novel concept: Consistency. One of the few things I ask for (but never get) from these slimeball politicians and their partisan advocates in the media. As stated before: My Missouri J-degree ain't worth the paper it's printed on anymore.

Second, I've noticed the theme of questioning Perry's intelligence starting to gain some traction from the leftist pundits and the "mainstream" media that likes to blindly follow the leftist talking heads' lead. It will be interesting to see if that ultimately backfires on the leftists.

I think Perry's reactive course of action is pretty obvious and not overly difficult. He needs to come up with a bag of one-liners that lightly poke fun at suggestions as to his dimwittedness (no matter how true those suggestions might be). Not only that, but he needs a few of those lines to turn the tables on the criticism.

I'm reminded of Reagan's famous line about not letting his opponent's age (the younger Mondale's) become an issue in the 1984 presidential campaign. If Perry's smart (or at least somewhat intelligent), he'll find a way to turn this whole thing to his political advantage. Otherwise, I guess the Politico has a point.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0811/62214.html

PLEASE Take Her Home, Already, Mickey! 80's One-hit Wonder Tony Basil Says Music Producer Is Hiding Her "Mickey" From the World!

I say take her by the hooves, Mickey, and get her the hell out of here, Mickey. Because it's gals like her, Mickey. I say that because 67-year-old Tony Basil is raising quite the stink these days over her one chart hit -- 1982's "Mickey." Would someone please slip the old fossil a Mickey to calm her down, please?

In a new lawsuit, Basil is accusing the song's producer of hiding the song's master recordings and moving them all over the Big Apple so no one get at them. And trust me, I'm sure there's no shortage of people, groups and organizations out there clamoring just to get a hold of the Mickey tapes. I've heard Indiana Jones may even take the case.

Basil says the master tapes belong to her (just coming to that realization now, Toni?) and she wants the producer to turn 'em over, damn it! Producer ain't so fine, she might say.

But what blows my mind is that anyone, including Basil, would really care. Hell, I think this producer is doing us all a huge favor.

Because, truth be told, "Mickey" has to be one of the most annoying pieces of bubblegum drivel ever to hit the Billboard Hot 100. "Mickey" makes Rebecca Black's "Friday" sound like Beethoven's Fifth. If the Mickey master tapes are hidden in some Manhattan basement, let them stay there, I say.

And if we're lucky, Hurricane Irene flooded said basement and swept Mickey forever away into the sewer system. Oh, Mickey, what a pity!

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/star_still_wants_mickey_WBM4GDjGVsEGr93nbFng6O

Clowns to the Left, Jokers to the Right: Gore Blames Eating Meat for Global Warming, While Robertson Says Earthquake Means Second Coming of Christ...

The left-wing loons and deranged right-wingers sure seem to be out in full lunacy and madness this weekend. Ever noticed with them: Every natural disaster or alleged climate trend is either (1) an opportunity to blame a political opponent, (2) a false excuse to grow regulation and government, or (3) some sort of twisted sign from God. I can only imagine the drivel they'll be spewing once Hurricane Irene says Goodnight in a few days!

And so it is this weekend that we first get right-wing goof Pat Robertson saying that the recent east coast earthquake is proof positive that we are all about the experience the Second Coming of Christ (first link at bottom). Blathers Pat: "Now there's a crack in [the Washington Monument]. Is that a sign from the Lord? You judge. It seems to be symbolic."

This from a guy who last year blamed the Haitian earthquake on the Haitian people for making a "pact with the devil" and blamed Hurricane Katrina on legalized abortion.

BTW, I thought Bush caused Hurricane Katrina to occur? The left and right might consider getting together for some mindless "compromise" here like Obama and the democrat party are always barking about recently. For example: They could agree to split the difference and blame Katrina on a speech Bush once gave opposing legalized abortion. Talk about a "grand bargain"!

And that brings us to shameless leftist 20 percenter bloviator and Inventor of the Internet, Al Gore. He's out there this weekend telling all of us that we need to cut down on the meat in our diets since our "meat-intensive diets" are to blame for global warming (second link at bottom).

This from a guy who looks like he hasn't missed a meal or a good Whopper w/ Cheese in 10 freakin' years! Just look at that fat tub of goo! Hey Al: I'll agree to cut down on my meat if you'll agree to go on a damn diet already. You're a walking heart attack, fatman.

Oh, and just for good measure, Gore this weekend is also comparing skeptics of his global warming theories with "racists." According to Gore, you should talk the same way to such a skeptic as you talk to a racist.

To wit (and an exact quote from Gore regarding how he suggests that you respond to both a racist and a skeptic of his so-called scientific theories): "Hey man, why do you talk that way? That's wrong, I don't go for that, so don't talk that way around me." Now, while I didn't hear the audio on that one, I would assume that he tossed in a good sigh or two between each of those dumbass phrases.

Gosh, where would we all be without these far left and right-wing talking heads and politicians to tell all of us how to talk, how to think, how to act, what to eat, and how to interpret and construe the meaning of natural disasters? I don't think I could so much as muster up a good compromise in my life without their unfailing wisdom and stature to guide me. All hail the partisan freaks!

http://dailycaller.com/2011/08/26/pat-robertson-earthquake-a-sign-of-the-second-coming-of-christ/
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0811/62160.html

They'll Top You Off AND Take Their Top Off: "Bikini Baristas" Allegedly "Pole Danced & Flashed Their Breasts For Tips" Down at the Ol' Coffee Shop!

I wonder if they ask: What would you like for your second cup, an espresso or a 32-DD? But despite a general affinity for coffee and certain round pastries, cops in Seattle are not amused and have thrown the coffee table book at the female owner of a string of espresso joints called "Java Juggs" (which come complete with a drive-thru).

The offense? Well, that involved allegedly serving up a little bump-and-grind along with the daily grind. (Unidentified Java Juggs babes are pictured above and below from the chain's Facebook page).

Cops say the owner -- 49-year-old Carmela Panico -- was not only complicit in the coffee shenanigans, but was also a rather hands-on owner in that she allegedly got in on the action herself at one of the chain's locations.

That particular espresso stand, cops say, was equipped with a "floor-to-ceiling stripper pole," just like a strip joint. Cops say they have nine hours of surveillance video at the Java Juggs, including footage of owner Carmela and another broad "doing pole dances, flashing their breasts, and letting a regular trickle of early-morning customers watch them for tips." I think I could really use a cuppa joe right about now.

In terms of active owners, Carmela reportedly makes Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder look like MIA's, as Carmela -- "clad in hot pants and a cropped shirt" -- allegedly "was seen sitting on a window ledge" at Java Juggs as she was "spanking herself."

Cops also say they have Carmela on tape taking a hold of a man's mush and sticking it right in the middle of her melons, not to mention permitting male patrons to stick buck tips in her damn bra. And apparently Carmela's an even Badder Influence on her young female employees than Rob Lowe in a bad 80's picture:

Cops say one worker was viewed lowering her bikini top and rubbing up her rack right in front of the morning customers. But it seems the baristas were just getting warmed up at that point.

One undercover cop says he plopped down 20 bucks in front of a barista "in a tiger-print, string bikini." The barista then allegedly asked him, "Are you a naughty boy?" When he replied in the affirmative, this day-startin' dame allegedly got some tunes jammin', "slid her bikini top and bottom around, climbed up the pole, and did the splits"!

The same stooly cop says he also ran his little party-pooper sting on owner Carmela. The cop says he bucked up another 20 to Carmela, and in return received "a dance involving some pole-grabbing and butt-shaking." Not clear from the linked articles, however, is whether that description refers to the stripper pole, the cop's own nightstick or (who the hell knows) maybe both.

But that 20 dollar bill won't buy Carmela a cup of coffee on the street these days, since cops have busted her on charges of "lewd conduct" for all the alleged pole dancing and performance of "sexually explicit acts for tips." Sounds like a permanent coffee break for Juan Valdez's best.

Meantime six of the brain juice baristas are also facing misdemeanor charges. I just hope there's probation waiting at the bottom of these babes' coffee pots, since it would be asinine if these baristas have to wake up and smell the coffee in the local hoosegow for such a small bag a' coffee beans.

http://www.komonews.com/news/local/128424203.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2030247/Bikini-baristas-pole-danced-flashed-breasts-tips-drive-espresso-stand.html

One Minute They're Laughin', Next Minute They're Cryin': Evil Circus Clowns Try to Pull Diamond Caper, But Get Stuck with a Pink Fistful a' Fugazis!

I guess the old adage about diamonds, best friends and dames doesn't exactly translate so well to evil circus clowns. Cops in Denver say the hijinks started when a couple of face-painted circus freaks burst into a local jewelry store this week with guns a' wavin' and just itchin' to knock the joint over (various surveillance pics above). But it was definitely no laughing matter for these two criminal comics once this piece of work was over.

The surveillance video shows this doltish duo cocking their guns as they entered the jewelry store, "Sonny's Rocks." (Which, as a preliminary matter, begs two distinct questions: (1) Who owns this store, anyway, Donnie Brasco and Lefty Horsec*ck?; and (2) Whom precisely did Sonny have to whack out to get them rocks? Frank Rizzo, no doubt.)

Then the video shows the two gun-totin' gagsters, "who were both dressed in bizarre costumes and wearing white face paint," pointing their guns at the heads of the store's patrons and employees and forcing them to get on the damn floor.

The store's alleged "manager," Mark Allen (a frontman for Brasco?), actually seemed quite taken aback at the sight of two robbers wearing, of all things, a disguise: "It's surreal, they came in with clown makeup on. They were, like, in costume," he crowed. Or in full-on Beatnik: It was, like, Surrealsville, Daddy-O.

After reportedly pulling a "nobody move nobody get hurt" routine on the floor-huggers, these two jewelry-smitten jokesmiths stuck a gun to Allen's head and allegedly gave him a choice of either his key or his brains hitting the joint's display cases.

Allen chose the former and helped the two jewelry jesters load up all of the store's display loot before the not-so-humorous tandem made its getaway. But now "the joke may be on the clowns," who seem to have "acted the fool" -- literally.

That's because "Sonny's Rocks" has joined the 2010's and (like most rock emporiums recently) only stocks rocks that are fake when it comes to its display cases.

That means all these piece-waving picadors got away with were bags of fugazi diamonds and "fake gold, platinum and cubic zirconium." If only these clowns' antics involved the same attention to detail when it comes to job prep as they apparently devoted to their makeup.

And methinks that makeup is gonna be running all over from the Tears of a Clown once these two robbin' ribalds try to unload their score. Although, maybe they can try fencing off the booty down at work by passing it off as the Real McCoy on the bearded lady and the midget?

http://www.kdvr.com/news/kdvr-jewelry-heist-is-a-bust-for-clown-robbers-20110824,0,2807700.story

Postscript: The "Under and Over It," BTW, on how long it takes these two evil circus clowns to get busted is about 36 hours. Here's the latest from Five Finger Death Punch: