I guess the old adage about diamonds, best friends and dames doesn't exactly translate so well to evil circus clowns. Cops in Denver say the hijinks started when a couple of face-painted circus freaks burst into a local jewelry store this week with guns a' wavin' and just itchin' to knock the joint over (various surveillance pics above). But it was definitely no laughing matter for these two criminal comics once this piece of work was over.
The surveillance video shows this doltish duo cocking their guns as they entered the jewelry store, "Sonny's Rocks." (Which, as a preliminary matter, begs two distinct questions: (1) Who owns this store, anyway, Donnie Brasco and Lefty Horsec*ck?; and (2) Whom precisely did Sonny have to whack out to get them rocks? Frank Rizzo, no doubt.)
Then the video shows the two gun-totin' gagsters, "who were both dressed in bizarre costumes and wearing white face paint," pointing their guns at the heads of the store's patrons and employees and forcing them to get on the damn floor.
The store's alleged "manager," Mark Allen (a frontman for Brasco?), actually seemed quite taken aback at the sight of two robbers wearing, of all things, a disguise: "It's surreal, they came in with clown makeup on. They were, like, in costume," he crowed. Or in full-on Beatnik: It was, like, Surrealsville, Daddy-O.
After reportedly pulling a "nobody move nobody get hurt" routine on the floor-huggers, these two jewelry-smitten jokesmiths stuck a gun to Allen's head and allegedly gave him a choice of either his key or his brains hitting the joint's display cases.
Allen chose the former and helped the two jewelry jesters load up all of the store's display loot before the not-so-humorous tandem made its getaway. But now "the joke may be on the clowns," who seem to have "acted the fool" -- literally.
That's because "Sonny's Rocks" has joined the 2010's and (like most rock emporiums recently) only stocks rocks that are fake when it comes to its display cases.
That means all these piece-waving picadors got away with were bags of fugazi diamonds and "fake gold, platinum and cubic zirconium." If only these clowns' antics involved the same attention to detail when it comes to job prep as they apparently devoted to their makeup.
And methinks that makeup is gonna be running all over from the Tears of a Clown once these two robbin' ribalds try to unload their score. Although, maybe they can try fencing off the booty down at work by passing it off as the Real McCoy on the bearded lady and the midget?
http://www.kdvr.com/news/kdvr-jewelry-heist-is-a-bust-for-clown-robbers-20110824,0,2807700.story
Postscript: The "Under and Over It," BTW, on how long it takes these two evil circus clowns to get busted is about 36 hours. Here's the latest from Five Finger Death Punch:
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