Woman in Flashy Sweat Suit Allegedly Knocks Over Gas Station with a Screwdriver, Then Heads to St. Patrick's Day Parade to Join the Festivities!

Well, she doesn't look Irish. And it certainly wasn't her lucky day, either. But maybe she really needed some St. Patrick's Day beer money? We've all been there a few times, haven't we? Know I have. Anyway:

Cops in Topeka, Kansas say that 26-year-old Tihesia Birdlong is the woman pictured above in a store surveillance video. Birdlong was allegedly caught on the tape as she heisted the local Kwik Shop convenience store on St. Patrick's Day morning.

Don't let those flashy duds fool ya, either. This is one dangerous moll (allegedly). Cops says Birdlong pulled the job brandishing a damn screwdriver as a weapon! Then, when a customer tried to block Birdlong's getaway, Birdlong allegedly pulled out a baseball bat and clocked the man right in the kisser before scurrying out the joint with a small amount of loot.

And she might have gotten away with it too, as they say, if not for that damn pesky St. Patrick's Day parade that afternoon. Although Birdlong reportedly had at least a few hours before the parade to change into an inconspicuous shade of green, she had apparently chosen her threads for the day and, damn it, wasn't going to change them!

Allegedly sporting the same "blue sweat suit with a wide horizontal yellow stripe" that she had worn during her piece of work at the gas station, Birdlong allegedly showed up to watch the local parade early that afternoon – where she promptly stood out like the proverbial sore thumb amongst the green-cladded throngs (allegedly).

A local cop says he quickly recognized Birdlong in those loud clothes from a crime scene photo that he'd seen, and so he rained all over her parade and slapped the ol' cuffs on her. Busted!

Now Birdlong may have to put her screwdrivers and sweat suits (allegedly) on parade at the local hoosegow for a long time to come. She faces charges for aggravated battery, aggravated robbery and criminal property damage.

Just a couple of unresolved issues here. First, one of my initial questions on this story was whether Birdlong (allegedly) was wielding a Phillips or a flat head? I would think that a Phillips would tend to be much effective and efficient as a puncturing device, although a flat head could really leave a mark.

I see that one of the linked stories describes the weapon as a "flat-tip" screwdriver, and so apparently Birdlong was going for brutality over beauty and effectiveness (allegedly).

Second, maybe I'm being a little hard on Birdlong for criticizing her decision to wear that "distinctive sweat suit" at both the crime scene and the parade (allegedly). After all, get a load of those shades she allegedly wore for the job:

How much you wanna bet that she considered those sunglasses to be her "disguise" for the robbery, and then promptly ditched them before getting her parade on (allegedly). The best laid plans of mice and screwdrivers…

http://www.sify.com/news/police-easily-spot-holdup-suspect-in-unique-outfit-news-offbeat-ldvmExfdgde.html

http://cjonline.com/news/local/2011-03-17/sweat-suit-gives-away-alleged-robber

I'm Still Not Precisely Sure Why It Was Necessary for the United States and Its So-Called "Allies" to Get Involved in Libya. Are You?

Muammar Gadhafi is crazy with a capital K that rhymes with Tripoli. That walking sarcophagus is a brutal dictator willing to engage in limitless murder and brutality to keep his grasp on power in Libya. He's also murdered countless people through his support of terrorist efforts. He's the absolute scumjob of humanity, and a truly evil man. But like there's anything new about any of that!

$hit, I can recall Gadhafi raising all kinds of hell when I was a kid during the Reagan years. So you're going to tell me that once there's a revolution in his country and he acts in the same brutal way that he always has acted to try to crush the opposition, that suddenly after all these years it's time for us to act and become militarily involved in Libya?!? Please.

And don't try telling me that we know that a more pro-American regime will come to power if Gadhafi's ousted, because we certainly do not know that. From what I've read and heard, Al Qaeda (the America-lovin' individuals whom they've always been!) appears to be very much entrenched with the Libyan rebellion.

Regardless, haven't we lost way too much already in terms of American lives, first and foremost, as well as American money and debt, in fighting a war in Iraq and the endless war in Afghanistan?

We needlessly fought the Iraq war based on the completely false pretense of WMD's in order to advance the neo-con world view and agenda of that awful president, W Bush and his minions.

We've fought the Afghanistan war forever and should have been the hell out of there after a few years when it was clear that Bin Laden and most of his Al Qaeda underlings were safely squirreled away and virtually untouchable in Pakistan.

Enough already. In case any of you right-wing nuts (who have been criticizing Obama's recent Libyan inaction and backseat approach) haven't noticed – war is absolute hell and it takes an incredible amount of money to wage it. You do not get involved in wars and military engagements in other countries unless it becomes absolutely necessary. And when it comes to Libya, that ain't it.

As always, I am a huge supporter of the American men and women of our military forces involved in the Libyan effort. But I very much criticize and do not support the policy of our involvement there. Not for one second.

And BTW, were in the hell are the 20 percenter American leftists during all of this? Sure, some of the liberal politicians are making some noise (as Politico reported Sunday), but where's the widespread street action? Specifically, why aren't they taking to the streets in droves this weekend to protest this new military campaign in Libya – just like they did when we chose to invade a sovereign country known as Iraq based on the neo-con dreams of an idiot?

I was utterly stunned Sunday evening to scroll through the pathetic, radical far leftist website "DailyKos" and see nary a mention of the United States' involvement in the Libya operation. Instead, there was just a reference to France flying planes over Libya. Disgusting.

But oh, that's right: When dumbass republican presidents wage war, the 20 percenter leftists go ape$hit. But when a leftist democrat party president wages war, the 20 percenter leftists run for the hills faster than a janitor tasked with cleaning a Mississippi $hithouse. Same as it ever was -- Hypocrites. On all sides.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/gallery/2011/mar/20/libya-air-strikes-in-pictures

Don't Be a Fat White Kid Named Schmidt in Obama's America: Because I Don't Think Barack, Michelle & their DOJ Could Care Less About You.

Oh sure, they'll get just as involved as they can in what the fatty Schmidt eats at school. But don't look for any real equal protection under the law from them when it comes to the school bullies pounding "Dog" Schmidt down in the $hithouse when no one's looking. (Link to story at bottom).

First of all, I don't think the federal government has any business at all being involved in bullying problems at local school districts. If Michelle Obama wanted merely to do the normal First Lady-type thing and make bullying one of her core issues that she goes around talking about, I would be the first to applaud her. A great cause, frankly.

But, of course, that's not it at all. Instead, it's just a sham cause -- must like her school lunches crusade -- aimed at growing the federal government's power over local school districts just as large as can be done through coercive regulations and laws.

And it seems to nearly always be that way with the leftist 20 percenters: Nothing is ever as it seems. Strive always to use good causes, good intentions, crises and human suffering as jumping off platforms for new ways for the federal government to grow in size and to increase its power and influence in even the most local of issues and in even the most mundane aspects of our daily lives. But I digress a bit.

So now we have the federal government getting involved in the local issue of school bullying. I may not agree with such involvement, but I certainly don't think it's too much or so much for me to simply demand the following: If you're going to get involved in the issue, then do it in a color-blind, race-blind fashion that gives equal concern and protection to all bullied children. Am I asking for the moon over here?!

Apparently so. We have the linked story this weekend concerning the Obamas' Department of Justice (under the so-called direction of rather pathetic and hapless Attorney General Eric Holder) pursuing its new push to "hold liable school districts that fail to protect students that are bullied." But "here's the catch," writes Kerry Picket of the Washington Times (and yes, I am aware that the Times is a paper that slants to the right):

"DOJ will only investigate bullying cases if the victim is considered protected under the 1964 Civil Rights legislation. In essence, only discrimination against a victim’s race, sex, national origin, disability, or religion will be considered by DOJ. The overweight straight white male who is verbally and/or physically harassed because of his size can consider himself invisible to the Justice Department."

Boy, that's nice. But gone are the days where there's even any shock to this sort of stuff. This is the same Holder and Obama-led DOJ that has previously been accused (and frankly, there's little evidence to the contrary) of cultivating within the Department a culture of hostility towards pursuing voter intimidation prosecutions in cases involving a white victim and black defendant (second link at bottom).

Perhaps the worst part of all this ugliness to me is the fact that I don't think 20 percenter leftists like Obama and Holder have even the first clue that these types of race-based policies are even wrong. The 20 percenter leftist world view typically holds that if a white man is the victim of racial or gender discrimination or a race-based crime, then little or nothing needs to be done about it because that white male deserves it for all of the past transgressions and evils through history perpetrated by white American men. Sort of how we all just "got what we deserved" on 9-11. Yawn.

Of course, the leftists will rarely admit that this stuff is what they believe. That's one of my biggest gripes with the leftists: If you want to believe that line of crap, then knock yourself out (since we're still, at least at the moment, a free country), but don't go around trying to hide what you really believe like you're always doing. Trying to always hide your end-game and what you really want to accomplish.

Instead, let's just get it all out there, and then we can debate, on the substance thereof, what you really believe and what you really want to accomplish. The conventional wisdom, of course, is that they know such a debate would nearly always be lost, and regardless, they sure as hell wouldn't very electable if they told us what they really thought and wanted!

So we get disingenuous "moderate" routines from the likes of Obama in 2008 and 2011. You can certainly set your watch to these leftists, I will give them that.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/blog/watercooler/2011/mar/18/doj-white-male-bullying-victims-tough-luck/

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/09/24/voting-rights-official-calls-black-panther-dismissal-travesty-justice/

Look at this Slime: What's with the Bums of America Recently Breaking Into Joints Wearing Nothing But a Smile?

In the past few months, first we had the naked hobo in Florida who broke into the old folks home and got his grub on. Now, out in L.A., we've got the nude Neanderthal pictured above who recently broke into a preschool and wandered around in the buff endlessly. But that doesn't tell the whole story. Not by a muppet lovin' long shot.

Cops say this birthday suit-wearing bum "paraded around for several minutes while engaging in strange behavior of a sexual nature." Put another way: He was struttin' around masturbating.

That's right: Cuddlin' the ol' Kielbasa! And as this twinkie tweakin' tramp marched to the beat, so to speak, he also completely ransacked the preschool for no good reason.

I say that because if you watch the video above, there appeared to be no rhyme nor reason to any of this weasel whackin' weirdo's behavior. He seems to be wandering around aimlessly in circles, all the while using the force on Darth Vader.

Cops say this hog hackin' hobo did manage to put his hands on something other than just his Johnson, scurrying off with some keys and a bit of money from the preschool. Wow, that's just great.

Now with the keys in hand along with his Peter Parker, this king crowning creep may have access to the 3 and 4 year-olds at the preschool. They damn well better be planning to change the locks.

And either this flagpole varnishing vagrant is a repeat offender when it comes to being a Bonzo boppin' bandit, or else we have a third one of these naked nimrods on our hands. That's because cops say a very similar rifle cleaning incident went down at this same preschool last November.

L.A. cops ask that you give them a buzz if you know or have seen the bacon slakin' scumjob shown on the video. Let's just hope cops slap the cuffs on this salami slappin' scuzjacket before he has a chance to pull another one of his shellaleigh shellackin' sashays.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/03/nude-man-caught-on-security-video-prowling-around-la-preschool.html?cid=6a00d8341c630a53ef0147e34e5cd2970b

Give Me Your Damn Tax Refund OR ELSE, Pastor From Hell Allegedly Tells His "Flock"! What Is It With These Houston Preachers?

Rector? They'll damn near kill her! First we had the original "punchin' preacher" – legendary two-time heavyweight boxing champion and Houston native George Foreman – and now it's Houston pastor John Goodman (top picture) who's really reeking some holy havoc (allegedly). Those two should fight each other or something.

Anyway, it's tax season! And you know that means, don't you? Fork that refund on over to maniacal man of God Goodman (allegedly) or else! Goodman's parishioners at the Houston Unity Baptist Church told local Fox reporter Isiah Carey that this hotheaded Holy Joe (allegedly) first grilled his "flock" over how many would be turning over their refunds.

When not enough church members agreed to buck up, this demented Doctor of Divinity (allegedly) apparently flew into a rage and reportedly even cut off the flocksters' Communion Rite – refusing to give it!

Just for good measure, this deranged Madman of the Cloth (allegedly) is said to have taken to calling members of his flock "devils" and "demons" if they were among the ones not chucking over their tax refunds. Talk about the Padre calling the kettle black!

This rash reverend (allegedly) reportedly admits that he asked if anyone in the congregation wanted to contribute their tax refund to the church, adding that the joint needs a new parking lot.

This volatile vicar (allegedly) is also admitting to withholding the wafers from the flock, but he claims there's no "Body of Spite" involved and that tax refunds had nothing to do with it. He blames it instead on "undisclosed internal issues." Which begs the question: The flock's internal issues, or the pastor's?

http://www.myfoxhouston.com/dpp/news/local/110315-pastor-calls-flock-devils-demons#

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/17/churchgoers-say-pastor-denied-communion-refused-hand-tax-refunds/#

One-Stop Shopping to a New Level? Chili's Joint Allegedly Provides Chance to Get Your Grub, Your Sewing, & Your Pot Pipe Cleaning On All at Once!

23-year-old Ashley Phillips of Farmington, New Mexico, allegedly got a little more than she bargained for at the local Chili's burger & fajita joint. Pigging out on a plate of ribs and mashed potatoes, Phillips says she was stabbed by a huge dirty sewing needle as she put away her potatoes! (Link to full story at bottom).

Phillips says the 2-inch needle went right through her tongue, forcing she and hubby Craig to pull the needle out the tongue right then and there. "I thought it was a toothpick at first," Ashley Phillips said. "But a toothpick doesn’t pierce all the way through the side of your tongue." [Frankly, I don't get that – why couldn't a toothpick do that if you bit into it wrong? There do exist some mean toothpicks out there].

Phillips says that once they'd pried the needle from her mush, Chili's workers promptly swooped in to abscond with said needle to the back of the joint. "Whisked it way," she said. "They took it away so fast." She and hubby say they were too shocked to even react to the rapidly occurring events.

Only problem? Phillips says Chili's wouldn't give the needle (i.e., EVIDENCE) back, even after a doctor told her the next day to get the needle so that it could be tested for disease.

Why would it need to be tested for disease, you might ask? Well, Phillips' lawyer says they have "reason to believe" (such a great legal phrase) that the needle belonged to one of the Chili's employees who used it to, GET THIS, "clean his marijuana pipe"!!!

Lawyer guy also says that all of the Chili's employees knew of the alleged pothead, perhaps inspiring their quick action in "whisking away" the alleged bad evidence faster than a contact high in a Mississippi $hithouse (allegedly).

Phillips says that if the needle could have been medically tested within 72 hours, she could have established immediately whether or not she was at risk for disease from being impaled by the sharp metal object.

But, she says, Chili's wouldn't give up the "burned-looking" needle for almost two months, allegedly raising the specter of the needle being "cleaned" in the interim such that any disease risk wouldn't show up on a test.

BTW, if these alleged facts are true, and the needle was in fact cleaned, they have a nice little convenient term for that under the law: It's called spoliation of evidence. BUT, we are just talking allegations here.

Meantime, Phillips has filed a lawsuit against Chili's, alleging such "pointed allegations," among other things, as emotional distress. I would assume that encompasses an element of alleged fear of contracting a disease, plus Phillips says she had to stop breastfeeding her baby after the needle incident because of the risk of her contracting a disease.

[BTW, the "Pointed Allegations" blast was excellent by the local Farmington, New Mexico Daily Times and reporter Kurt Madar! Very New York Post-esque. Frankly, very The Independent Rage-esque!].

"Nursing is so important for an infant's health and emotional development that we are suing for emotional damages," says Phillips. [Whose emotions, the kid's? Is the baby joined in the lawsuit as a plaintiff? I actually have no idea – just wondering out loud].

Regardless of all of this, a bit of commentary: I am SO TIRED of blogging about these crazy incidents ultimately resulting in lawsuits or criminal charges, and THEN never hearing anything about them ever again!

Hey mainstream media: It's called the follow-up. If you cover it in the first instance, then follow it through and let us know how it's going! To quote Charlie Sheen, DUH! But just reading his headline, I have a certain degree of faith in this Madar reporter dude.

http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2011/03/16/Woman-sues-over-needle-in-mashed-potatoes/UPI-32181300297556/

http://www.daily-times.com/ci_17579511?source=most_viewed

"Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong Oooh!" UCLA Babe in Hot Water for Mocking Asians on YouTube. Why Doesn't Rush Slimebaugh Get the Same Treatment?

Her name is Alexandra Wallace (who apparently goes by "Allie" when she bikini models), and the third-year UCLA political science student is in all kinds of trouble for her YouTube video this week (watch down below) that mocks the way Asians talk.

In the video, she also criticizes Japanese students for trying to call Japan from the school library to check in on relatives in the wake of the terrible earthquake and tsunami (or as Wallace refers to it, "the whole tsunami thing"). For good measure, she blasts the students for being "these hordes of Asian people" whom, she says, UCLA shouldn't have accepted for admission in such large numbers in the first place! (Link to full story at bottom).

Methinks "Allie" might just want to stick to the modeling gig, because she doesn't appear to have a lot going for herself upstairs except for those mammalian protruberances she exhibits in her modeling pics (which pair, truth be told, ain't all that great either – although her YouTube video looks like she has recently artificially enhanced -- look out you don't get attacked by a snake). Check out some more from the zany rant that this nuclear chemist stuck on YouTube:

"I'll be in, like, deep into my studying, into my political science theories and arguments and all that stuff, getting it all down, like, typing away furiously, blah, blah, blah, and then all of a sudden, when I'm about to, like, reach an epiphany, overhear from somewhere, 'Oh ching chong ling long ting tong, ooohh!' "

Somehow I find it hard to believe that this NASA scientist gets too "deep" into much of anything except perhaps KFC 20-piece tubs, given her changed appearance and apparent weight gain on the YouTube video as compared with her modeling photos. She continues on in her rant:

"I swear they're going through their whole families just checking on everybody from the whole tsunami thing. I mean, I know, okay, that sounds horrible, like, I feel bad for all people affected by the tsunami, but if you're going to go call your address book, you might as well go outside, because if something is wrong, you might really freak out if you're in the library and everybody is quiet."

You gotta love that last part! If you're going to "freak out" at tragic news, then take it outside, please, because otherwise you're going to disturb my so-called "studying"!

Wallace has reportedly apologized in a statement to the campus newspaper, but has been receiving "numerous death threats." Boy, that's nice. Responding to some harmless ditzy bigot broad by threatening to kill her! Slimeballs.

A few remaining observations: First, of course Wallace's statements are wrong, bigoted, insensitive and inappropriate. But why is this college student national news, whereas when deranged right-winger Rush Slimebaugh recently similarly mocked the way Asians speak, there was nary a protest nationwide?

I guess it's because people (even leftists) think that since Slimebaugh is always saying crazy things, this example from him was just par for the course. Sort of old news, you might say. Well, I think that's pathetic. Wallace is a young college student who did something dumb, has apologized, and is now paying a terrible price for it. In contrast, Slimebaugh reaches millions and millions of people with his silliness. So where's the equal outrage when such a high profile figure as him does this kind of foolishness?

And a final note (because I hate to bash the right-wingers without a little equal time and equal opportunity for our loony leftist 20-percenter friends): I see a quote from the UCLA Chancellor, "Gene D. Block," reacting to Wallace's video by stating, "Like many of you, I recoil when someone invokes the right of free expression to demean other individuals or groups."

Spoken like a true liberal leftist. Where did Wallace ever purport to "invoke the right of free expression" in anything she said? She didn't. And so why is 20-percenter Chancellor even mentioning that topic in the context of this video, unless he's of the common leftist belief that free expression rights really aren't all that important -- just a little pesky thing to be tolerated here and there when the leftists feel like it?

And BTW, there, Chancellor, Wallace had every damn right in the world to say the stuff she said, no matter how stupid it was. Why would you even bring up the First Amendment here? I too "recoil" at the thought -- the thought of someone like you having this young gal's fate in your hands. "Recoil," indeed, Mr. Chancellor.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/03/15/national/main20043230.shtml?tag=dis

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/03/15/2011-03-15_alexandra_wallace_ucla_student_who_ranted_against_asians_receives_death_threats_.html?r=news

That's Gotta Smart: "Snake Dies of Silicone Poisoning After Biting Girl on Her [Fake] Boob"! 1st Question: Why Was She Letting a Snake Bite Her Rack?

She's busty Israeli model Orit Fox. And this bosomy braintrust was on Spanish TV channel "Telecino," apparently engaging in some sort of crude snake dance. She should probably leave that sort of thing to Clint Eastwood's buddy, Chief Big Eagle, since the serpent promptly tried to take a big bite (literally) out of one of Fox's big fake cans (video and link to full story down below).

He was a regular snake on the lass, you might say. Reports Britain's Sun: "She was clutching the tame reptile and went to lick its face when the snake took offense and chomped down on her surgically-enhanced bosom."

Actually, Fox is lucky the raunchy reptile didn't try to sink his teeth into that big tongue she was waggin' at him. And what did this slimy snake get for his efforts? A nice shot of silicone down the ol’ gullet and a quick death thereafter. Which makes this an odd variation of the "man bites dog" story, since here we had a human injecting lethal poison from its body into a snake.

As for this rocket scientist Fox, she's reportedly going to be just fine. EMTs reportedly followed the speed limit in taking Fox to the hospital (since cops, firefighters and EMTs hate it when you say they "raced" or "rushed" somewhere – which is illegal, even for them).

Down at the sick bay, this snake-gropin' sick-o was given a tetanus shot and sent packing. No word yet how much silicone was still left in the huge fake boob after the snake got through with it or whether that big breast is even still usable anymore for serpent sashays.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3466265/Snake-dies-after-biting-girls-breast.html

They Got This One-Year-Old Punk "All Liquored Up! All F*cked Up on Alcohol!"

Actually, that's a line from Susie Essman's vile, foul-mouthed character on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" after Larry David accidentally gets her 7-something daughter drunk on wine. But it seems to be precisely what some people at a recent baseball game did too, only this time with a one-year-old! (Links to story at bottom/video at top).

Apparently, it's quite the YouTube sensation video at the moment: Adults giving a Miller Lite brewsky to this little 1-year-old screwball. As the little tike downs the beer, the adults erupt into a wild chorus of inane laughter and catcalls, with one screaching, "You Got All Dat?!" (it's "THAT" BTW) and some dorky dude screaming, "WHOA!!!"

I thought I'd heard this sad chapter in human history before when we saw the video a year or two ago of the 3-year-old punk downing a beer bottle at a Phillies game (as pictured immediately below Susie Essman above), but this one takes the cake: This little rotten character is only 1-year-old for Jeezal Peezal sake! What did these so-called adults do after he chugged his beer? -- Offer him a cigarette?!

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504784_162-20041313-10391705.html?tag=cbsnewsLeadStoriesAreaMain

http://www.wtsp.com/news/watercooler/story.aspx?storyid=180164&catid=58

http://www.rickey.org/?p=42724

Did Bubba Clinton Completely Ruin This Young Lady's Life? Or Did "That Woman" Just Blow It?

…Blow her life, that is. This story from Britain's Daily Mail is from a few days ago, but I haven't seen the American media paying too much attention to it (huge surprise there): It reports that Monica Lewinsky is still head over heels in love with Bill Clinton – still crazy after all these years, you might say, just like the song. (Link to full story at bottom).

Lewinsky, of course, was the just 22-year-old White House intern when she first blew the horn of the 50-year-old dirty old man and Charlie Sheen hero, President Clinton. Lewinsky – by my reckoning the first person in American pop culture history to have the act of fellatio nicknamed after her ("she gave him a Lewinsky") – even spoke into Clinton's mike right there in the middle of the Oval Office!

Then this unofficial alum of Oral Roberts made the mistake of blabbing about the affair to co-worker Linda Tripp, who recorded their phone conversations concerning Lewinsky's dirty act of giving Scully to the nation's top knob.

Tripp turned the Gobble Gobble taped account over to independent prosecutor Kenneth Starr, who had a fellatio field day with the Oralgamie-In-Chief Clinton. Then the Prominent Proponent of the Penile Tonsil Hockey Clinton looked the American people right in eye, under oath, with his finger waggin' right in our face, and spouted his now infamous, "I did not have sexual relations with THAT woman!"

Starr eventually hauled the pink oboe playin' Lewinsky into court for her side of the calf feedin' occurrences. The yogurt cannon yafflin' Lewinsky then shook up the world with accounts of semen-stained blue dresses and one of the civilized world's first recorded "oral" accounts of the utilization of a cigar as a makeshift dildo.

The republican-controlled U.S. House later impeached bojo jobber Clinton for lying under oath, although the whaps-gettin' president kept his job when things stalled out in the Senate trial.

Clinton ultimately admitted having an "improper relationship" with the cheese eatin' Lewinsky, but he never admitted much of anything else, including any description that had the word "sex" or "sexual" in it.

And to think I actually voted for "that man" in 1992 (the only time in my life, BTW, that I've ever voted for a democrat party candidate or republican for president). Just shoot me. Really though. Or consider giving me a pass: I was only 21, ignorant, and still under the influence of the entire leftist indoctrination from college and earlier. But I digress.

That lying slimeball, Clinton. Own up to what happened after the fact, and I could have easily gotten past the affair. But look me in the eye and lie about it and wag your finger at me, and then thereafter never fully admit it, then I'm going to call you a sleazejob.

And when I say he's a sleazejob, I mean he "is" a scumjacket, as opposed to merely asserting that he "is" a mere creep. And if you ask me to define the term "is," I promise to clock ya one right in the kisser. But I digress again.

So that brings us to the 37-year-old Lewinsky of today, who lives in L.A. This bonophone talkin' dame reportedly claims to friends that she has never married or had kids because she is still in love and always will be with the cone-gettin' Clinton.

The Lewinsky-givin' Lewinsky also reportedly tells friends that she's never gotten over her brain salad surgery mate Clinton and "would take him back in a second."

This oralizing ice cream aficionado Lewinsky further waxes poetic to friends, reportedly, that she "still carries a flame" for the cigar-rollin' ex-president and has "never been able to get Bill out of her heart."

To think, Lewinsky could have been the much-more-attractive-than-Hillary hummer that just kept hummin', but Bubba felt it more important to lie about it and stay with his battle axe left-wing partisan hag of a spouse. But folks perplexed by the meaning of the English language's "to be" infinitive do tend to be mentally challenged like that.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1365046/Im-love-Bill-Friends-say-Monica-Lewinsky-got-married-kids.html?ito=feeds-newsxml