Well, she doesn't look Irish. And it certainly wasn't her lucky day, either. But maybe she really needed some St. Patrick's Day beer money? We've all been there a few times, haven't we? Know I have. Anyway:
Cops in Topeka, Kansas say that 26-year-old Tihesia Birdlong is the woman pictured above in a store surveillance video. Birdlong was allegedly caught on the tape as she heisted the local Kwik Shop convenience store on St. Patrick's Day morning.
Don't let those flashy duds fool ya, either. This is one dangerous moll (allegedly). Cops says Birdlong pulled the job brandishing a damn screwdriver as a weapon! Then, when a customer tried to block Birdlong's getaway, Birdlong allegedly pulled out a baseball bat and clocked the man right in the kisser before scurrying out the joint with a small amount of loot.
And she might have gotten away with it too, as they say, if not for that damn pesky St. Patrick's Day parade that afternoon. Although Birdlong reportedly had at least a few hours before the parade to change into an inconspicuous shade of green, she had apparently chosen her threads for the day and, damn it, wasn't going to change them!
Allegedly sporting the same "blue sweat suit with a wide horizontal yellow stripe" that she had worn during her piece of work at the gas station, Birdlong allegedly showed up to watch the local parade early that afternoon – where she promptly stood out like the proverbial sore thumb amongst the green-cladded throngs (allegedly).
A local cop says he quickly recognized Birdlong in those loud clothes from a crime scene photo that he'd seen, and so he rained all over her parade and slapped the ol' cuffs on her. Busted!
Now Birdlong may have to put her screwdrivers and sweat suits (allegedly) on parade at the local hoosegow for a long time to come. She faces charges for aggravated battery, aggravated robbery and criminal property damage.
Just a couple of unresolved issues here. First, one of my initial questions on this story was whether Birdlong (allegedly) was wielding a Phillips or a flat head? I would think that a Phillips would tend to be much effective and efficient as a puncturing device, although a flat head could really leave a mark.
I see that one of the linked stories describes the weapon as a "flat-tip" screwdriver, and so apparently Birdlong was going for brutality over beauty and effectiveness (allegedly).
Second, maybe I'm being a little hard on Birdlong for criticizing her decision to wear that "distinctive sweat suit" at both the crime scene and the parade (allegedly). After all, get a load of those shades she allegedly wore for the job:
How much you wanna bet that she considered those sunglasses to be her "disguise" for the robbery, and then promptly ditched them before getting her parade on (allegedly). The best laid plans of mice and screwdrivers…
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