I Am Getting SICK & TIRED of All the Smartphone Pics & Midwest Belly-Achin' Over the Michelle ObamaMeals in the Local Schools...

...Don't these pessimistic little punks and their un-progres*ive parents realize that if they were in Syria or Somalia or Iraq right about now, these would be the best meals they'd get to shove down their peon pieholes all month long!?!?

So shut the fuck up and eat your cauliflower and prune juice, ya bitterly clingin' flyover ingrates, ya.

http://eagnews.org/thanksobama-student-photos-of-paltry-school-lunches-raise-alarm/
http://www.inquisitr.com/1544337/oklahoma-city-family-outraged-over-skimpy-lunch-thanks-to-michelle-obama/

Deadbeat democrat? "Obama's JPMorgan Credit Card Denied at Restaurant on New York City Trip." The Outrage!

How dare JPMorgan!  Just because Obama's America can no longer pay its bills does NOT mean that Obama on a personal level shouldn't still be extended credit... 

Here's how it is: I've never read or known Obama to be a big spender or debt accumulator when it comes to his own jack. This One Percenter Dude's worth way north of 10 million bucks for Chrissakes!

And while Obama and predecessor W Bush may be the two most irresponsible, shameless and destructive spenders of your money that the country has ever seen, that hardly translates to Obama's own credit rating, which I would imagine is quite stellar.

My one inescapable conclusion here is that JPMorgan is obviously racist and really could use a good IRS audit or Federal Reserve investigation. Where the hell's Eric Holder and Lois Lerner when we really need them?

http://www.inquisitr.com/1546142/president-obamas-credit-card-declined-at-restaurant-last-month-michelle-had-to-pay/

I'm SO Close: Stacking Up With "The Five Things Jennifer Lawrence Is Looking For in a Boyfriend"...

Hey, Rager can hang! In November's Vanity Fair, the recent nude-photo-leaked (and Hunger Games and American Hustle star) Jennifer Lawrence divulged the five prerequisites that she has before a dude can become her old man, and I ain't too shabby on this shit!  Check it:

1. A Guy Who Likes Reality Television:  I'm there, babe! From "Amish Mafia" to "The Devils Ride" (and maybe even a few others in between), just paint me a Reality TV-watchin' fool!

2. A Guy Who Will Fart in Front of Her:  Five words: Five bean burritos, one sitting. I gots this broad covered!

3. Not Gluten-Free:  Wouldn't I first have to know what "gluten" is before I could possibly be free of it?  Regardless, feel "free" to call me the Gluten Glutton!

4. Love of Larry David:  No need for me to even primp and posture on this one:  "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Seinfeld" are two of my favorite shows ever. Titmouse!

5. Someone Who Doesn't Argue:  Oh, Fuck! I'm OUT. To me, life is just one big argument! One never-ending expression of disrespect for the bullshit opinions of others. But I was golden on #1 through #4. So while wedding bells may not be in store, hows a bouts we just be friends with benefits, Jen?

http://www.vanityfair.com/vf-hollywood/2014/10/jennifer-lawrence-boyfriend

Sans Makeup, & in a Politically Correct, Non-Thinking, Group-Joining, Partisan Ideologue America I Often Don't Recognize Anymore, It's Great to See That Some Things Never Change...

...Like Kelly Brock's tits.

I struggle to cite too many other examples, however.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2759125/Kelly-Brook-turns-heads-plunging-blue-bikini-cosying-fianc-David-McIntosh-Mykonos-beach.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2757828/Kelly-Brook-fianc-David-McIntosh-shop-storm-romantic-break-Mykonos.html

Book Me, Dana! Hot Little Number Cop Reportedly Has Criminals "Clamoring" for Her to Tackle, Pat Down & Throw Her Busty Book at 'Em!

Pics are from this flat-footed floozy's recent appearance on the street investigating a jewel heist.

In tow, this legal lassie sported a hot "form-fitting top, the tightest white pants she could buy, and . . . a pair of cowboy boots." Rounding out her total package were her three big guns, including the one she had holstered on her hot little waist.

BTW, it's never too late in life for a dude to pull his first bank job, is it?

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/photo-hot-dutch-sends-tongues-wagging-internet-article-1.1919339
http://dailycaller.com/2014/08/28/this-cops-so-hot-youd-commit-a-crime-just-to-get-tackled/

Louse President: Mentally Challenged Joe Biden "Overstates Deaths in Joplin Tornado by 160839." Let's Just Call This Idiot "DAN"!

161 were killed in Joplin.  But according to Joe Biden, it was 161,000. And I betcha this fool can't spell "potato" either. Or even "chains" for that matter. And this on the heels of two other ill-advised Biden statements over the weekend (both of which he was forced to walk back) insulting American allies in the Middle East.

How ironic is it that the leftist democrat party's conquering heroes of six years ago -- Biden and the individual we currently have as a president -- have turned out to be just as ill-qualified, incompetent, unintelligent, and downright shameful as the two worst bozos that the gop-ers have put up in my lifetime: W Bush and Dan Quayle.

Someone please explain to me why a majority of the people in this country still insist on voting for one of these two rotten parties and the slimeballs they offer up as candidates?

Regardless, I can't follow along. I won't vote for horseshit. And Mr. Biden is a six-foot pile.

http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/biden-overstates-deaths-joplin-missouri-tornado-160839_808538.html

Cajun Clambake: Two High School English Teachers in Louisiana Busted for Allegedly Having a THREESOME with 16-Year-Old Male Student!

This may be the most proficient English student in human history:  He diagrammed both of their sentences for 'em. At the same time! (Allegedly)...

Cops in Destrehan, Louisiana say those two cute little blonde numbers (33-year-old Shelley St. Pierre Defresne and 23-year-old Rachel Respess) took a ride on the three-way freeway with the 16-year-old lad and EVEN had him VIDEO the encounter!  Seems the boy's in Mrs. Defresne's class this year and was in Miss Respess' class last year.

Now, when she's not building a meat sandwich with a fellow teacher and a kid half her age (allegedly), Mrs. Defresne reportedly likes to spend time with the "three beautiful children" that she and her old man have at home. Wonder what this boy-bangin' broad (allegedly) told her 3 little punks on the night in question? "Mommy's gotta go split some wood, kids -- be back in an hour"???

As for reaction from the school:  A threesome incident like this "is something we don't like to see happen because it's a distraction," said school board member Al Suffrin. "It gets in the way of what our core business is." So, never mind the impact on the kid -- How the hell are the other students supposed to buckle down with a menage a trois in their midst?!?

But now these two Beowulf-beltin' clam cousin English teachers (allegedly) may have to get their trifecta fanny jaffle on down at the local hoosegow, "Orange Is the New Black" style...

After their alleged love wedge bragged up his teacher triumvirate to fellow students, cops slapped both of these french braid floozies (allegedly) with felony "carnal knowledge of a juvenile" charges -- perhaps making this the most expensive French Connection (allegedly) since the old Gene Hackman picture.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/01/shelley-dufresne-teacher-sex-rachel-respess_n_5915244.html?utm_hp_ref=crim
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/police-investigating-after-student-videoed-4364615
http://dailycaller.com/2014/10/01/update-two-teachers-victimized-16-year-male-student-with-threesome/

Harsh Indictment? Topless Drunk Splish Splash Man Gets the Good Book Thrown at Him For Taking a Bath in the Holy Water Trough at a Catholic Church!

Take a look at this holy bevy of charges, many of which I gotta think are felonious:  (1) Arson; (2) Criminal Mischief; (3) Damage to Property; (4) Theft; and (5) Possession of Stolen Property; and (6) Probation Violations.

ALL THAT just for trying to cleanse himself in the Waters of the Lord down at the St. Mary's Catholic Church in Ontario, Canada?  Well, he did also allegedly swipe a rosary (what's that, like 10 bucks?!) and try to start a fire (unsuccessfully), but C'Mon!

I might understand if this 26-year-old pie-eyed parishioner had tried to use the Holy Water Trough as a piss-pot or something, but there's simply no indication of anything like that.

I say make him pay restitution for the rosary, clean up the little mess he made, and have him wash down the Holy Water Trough back in the vestibule with a brillo pad and garden hose.

In short, put the joint back to where it was before this filthy follower got his bath on. OR, just toss his dirty bathin' baptismal ass in the hoosegow for 10 years, Canada, if you really have only one oar in the holy water.

http://www.clickorlando.com/news/police-shirtless-drunk-man-took-bath-in-holy-water/28222036

Two Out of the Blue: Where Did Britney Spears Get THOSE?!? Now That Opens Up a Whole Host of New Honker Possibilities!

Pics are from recent excursion to the Kate and Lace lingerie store and the Wildflour Cafe in Thousand Oaks, California.  O-h M-y!

I've never seen the former teen idol, now turned 30-something, half-a-has-been, look so good! And how 'bout them huge hoofers?!?

Mesuggests Britney needs to forget the musical career and seek out more contemporary pursuits better tailored to her current sweater strengths and ass(ets).

Like porn, perhaps. Even soft-core. She'd be the perfect Cinemax Saturday Night Special. Coupled with a role on Cinemax's "Banshee" as the fake sheriff's new naked squeeze and gun moll.

Who the hell says every blonde bimbo bubblegum broad on auto-tune steroids must be dead and buried at age 30?  So cliched and short-sighted, such limitations.

http://perezhilton.com/cocoperez/2014-08-27-britney-spears-pink-top-black-shorts-out-and-about
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2735097/Britney-Spears-steps-fitted-pink-complete-pearly-neck-visits-lingerie-store.html

"Study: conserv*tives & l*berals Smell Different." True Enough (If Nuanced)...

In my experience, right-wingers tend to smell like a moldy old unfinished basement in need of remediation.

Leftists, in contrast, would prefer that you live in a moldy old unfinished basement in need of remediation.

But leftists smell more like the inside of a Michael Moore fat roll.

Subtle difference.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/body-odor-preferences-politics-shared-article-1.1941311
http://theweek.com/speedreads/index/268219/speedreads-study-conservatives-and-liberals-smell-different

Wardrobe Malfunction: democrat party National Chairman Patty "Wasserman" Simpson in Trouble With party Slimeballs for a Litany of Sins, Including ... Panhandling for New Threads?!?

I'm frankly not sure how "Wasserman" Simpson has made it this long as democrat party Chairman.  She's not exactly what you'd call an appealing face of the leftist party, and her steady stream of lunatic-like gaffes make me think this broad's a few chains short of a Biden (most recently: "Wasserman" Simpson compared right-winger tea partiers to wife beaters).

But her ineffective leadership of the party seems to be the least of her problems. As reported in this week's Politico, democrat party partisans have "turned" on "Wasserman" Simpson for a whole host of reasons, not the least of which are her repeated efforts the past two years to get the party "to cover the costs of her wardrobe."

"Wasserman" Simpson's begging has reportedly included conniving in 2012 for a new free wardrobe for the democrat party National Convention, in 2013 for Mr. 38%'s second inauguration, and again in 2013 for the White House Lackeys' (errrr, Correspondents') Dinner! All such overtures, apparently, were rebuffed by the democrat party (leastways atop the table).

But here's my question: WHY deny this old battle axe some new stitches? Why NOT extend the entitlement state straight to her highly entitled DC front door?

I mean, just take a gander at this silly bastard up above! What, with her steel-stringer hairdo, beady little eyes, gun moll green earrings, and that necklace looking like a yank-chain from an Alabama shithouse...

If ever there was a creature who could use a little charity in the ol' wardrobe department, I'd think it would be this broad. Why not show a little more compassion, democrat party? Your stinginess towards this woman is rather unbecoming.

http://www.politico.com/story/2014/09/democrats-debbie-wasserman-schultz-111077.html?hp=t1_3

Match These Two Misogynists in a Cage: GA Man Allegedly Starts Knife Fight w/ Female Pit Bull at Petsmart, While PA Groom Allegedly Feels Up & Tries to Force Drinks Down Pregnant Reception Employee After Wedding!

It could be billed as the Battle of the Sexist Louts, with the East Coast Championship on the line, and I have a definite prediction (besides pain) as to who will win:

1. Cops in GA say a man there allegedly went berzerk and hacked up a female pit bull inside the Petsmart while a gaggle of terrified kids witnessed the butchery. The little bitch's crime had apparently been to nibble on the ears of this knife-wielding maniac's Westie Terrier.

2. Meantime in PA, in an act that may officially cast the perp as Worst Groom since Henry VIII, a 33-year-old newlywed allegedly used the reception as his own personal groping ground -- feeling up a 20-something reception broad while trying to foist booze down her pregnant piehole (allegedly). A bloody melee ensued between Groomy and the broad's 20-year-old BF.

So who wins a grudge match between these two male chauvenist creeps? I put 10-1 odds on Jason from GA, to wit: If that guy slices up a canine to death for tugging on his pooch's ears, just think of the number he'd do on a Groom who took to tugging on his old lady's tits? Just hope the Lucky Bride is a jigsaw buff.

http://atlanta.cbslocal.com/2014/09/02/pit-bull-stabbed-multiple-times-during-pet-adoption-at-petsmart/
http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2014/09/01/3-arrested-after-brawl-involving-wedding-party/

right-winger Website: "Ten Birthday Presents Bill Clinton's NOT Allowed to Have" This Summer, Including Irina Shayk & Kate Upton. Really right-wingers?

Jeezal Peezal, right-wingers!  It's been 16 years since Bubba (who just recently turned 68 this summer) was last caught (or even accused) of prodding a young female subordinate to speak into his married mike or to clinch down on his contraband stogie.  What difference, at this point, does it make?!?

I might even call statute of limitations on these deranged right-wing creeps, if not for the loony leftist 20 percenters still blaming that idiot W Bush daily for every car accident, upstart terrorist organization (see ISIS), natural disaster, murderous act or common cold that pops up anywhere on the human grid.

But that is the incessant mindlessness that is just about any right-winger or leftist whom I've ever known: Once a light bulb flashes and a talking point is thunked up by one of their so-called minds, they feel it best to run it into the ground for years and years and then some.

That sort of foolishness, after all, is what non-intellectual partisan ideologue buffoons of all stripes are best at, regardless of the letter (D or R) next to the name.  But don't blame the feeble-minded.  They can't help it.

http://dailycaller.com/2014/08/18/ten-birthday-presents-bill-clintons-not-allowed-to-have-slideshow/

Good Grief! Just Look at Her!

I CANNOT believe how so completely tacky and shamelessly gaudy that awful necklace is!

I guess I never realized before that they have Dollar Tree five-and-dimes in Manhattan proper!

Next time, hire a personal shopper, Princess Preggers.  Puh-UKE.

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/chelsea-clinton-quits-nbc-600k-pay-article-1.1921369
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2737802/Chelsea-Clinton-quits-600-000-year-role-special-correspondent-NBC.html

The Ol' Bait & Switch? Kansas democrat party U.S. Senate Candidate Quits, Leaving Only "Independent" Greg Orman To Take On right-winger gop-er Incumbent Pat Roberts. And POOF Goes My Enthusiasm for Orman...

I know. I gots some 'splaining to do! Let's start here:  It's rare to see an Independent candidate make waves amongst the democrat party and gop-er candidates in a national political race. And it was fun while it lasted here in Kansas. But no longer...

"Independent" Greg Orman had been polling decently enough against democrat party candidate Chad Taylor and career politician right-winger fat cat Pat Roberts (scowling pic above). Hell, Orman was even bringing in enough campaign cash to run a steady stream of campaign ads on TV stations in Kansas City and elsewhere in the state. I was enthusiastically looking forward to voting for him. Until Thursday.

The democrat party Taylor's sudden, unexpected departure from the race (even if the right-winger Kansas SOS Kris Kobach still requires Taylor's name to appear on the ballot) was almost assuredly due to extreme levels of political pressure from democrat party slimeballs having tentacles all the way up (or down, depending on your perspective) to Senate Majority Slug Harry Reid and even that individual we currently have as a president (or should I now just refer to him as "Mr. 38%"?). I wonder what assurances Orman might have given to those sleazebuckets before they put the ol' screws to Taylor?

And, look no farther, as well, than the leftists' reaction to Taylor's withdrawal on Thursday: It was all celebratory pats on their own back (see, e.g., the Daily Kos' linked treatment of the topic) for increasing the chances of Roberts' ouster and increasing perceived democrat party chances of keeping the Senate after the November midterms. If the leftist 20 percenters suddenly say that they love a candidacy (here Orman's), excuse me if I suddenly sour on it.

(For good measure, the leftists even went apeshit Thursday night (see, e.g., second Daily Kos link below) at the thought of the Kansas SOS leaving the democrat Taylor's name on the ballot following Taylor's withdrawal!!! The absurd hilarity! Although not difficult to understand.)

My from perspective, Jennifer Duffy of the Cook Political Report, as quoted in Thursday's Kansas City Star, absolutely nailed it: "Orman might have been much better off in a three-way race. Running now as sort of the de facto [d]emocrat does change what this race looks like and changes how voters will see him." BINGO! Orman now smacks of little more than a lackey (whether true or not) for the democrat party.

I'm not saying yet that I won't still vote for Orman (sorry for the double negative, Jeeves), but my prior certain vote for Orman is now in definite doubt. Instead, I now may well vote for a third party candidate. I'll decide that over the next two months. But make no mistake: My previous Independent enthusiasm for Orman is now gone. Damn shame.

http://www.politico.com/story/2014/09/democrat-withdrawal-threat-pat-roberts-110574.html
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/09/04/1327008/-Daily-Kos-Elections-Poll-Explorer-Kansas-switcheroo-blows-up-our-model-in-a-good-way
http://www.kansascity.com/news/government-politics/article1447419.html
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/09/04/1327217/-Kansas-Secretary-of-State-yeah-the-birther-guy-says-Democrat-can-t-withdraw-from-Senate-race

Got Dementia? "MSNBC Host Mike Dyson Says Barack Obama & Eric Holder Would Be 'Great Choices' For the Supreme Court." RIGHT!

...Just like Whitey Bulger and Tony Soprano would be outstanding choices for FBI Director.

And like Mel Gibson and Archie Bunker would be ideal picks to head up the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights.

Or how Elizabeth Warren or George Custer would be perfect selections to lead the American Cherokee Tribal Council.

"You Didn't Build That Sweat Lodge!," I can already hear the angry leftist 20 percenter Warren ordaining from on high.

Eating Their Own: Hyper-P.C. Leftists Actually Have the Gall to Accuse Left-Leaning Billy Crystal & Robin Williams of "Racism" for Crystal's Tribute to Williams at the Emmys! REALLY?!?

Is there anyone, anything, at any time, that leftists do NOT scream "racism" over?  I've commented before that most leftists (as well as most right-wingers) don't strike me as overly intelligent human beings (few group-thinkers ever do), and the linked story is only proof positive of that of which I speak...

First, for the record, I have a very low opinion of suicide.  I view it, at least most of the time, as the act of cowardly, highly self-centered and self-important individuals (and I've known a few of those), with no regard for the profound impact such act has on all the people in their lives.

But my opinion is still not fully-formed when it comes to suicide people who suffered from severe clinical depression at the time they whacked themself out.  Perhaps such folks are more acting from mental illness than cowardice, selfishness, or narcissism?  I'll admit I haven't resolved that one yet in my mind.

Williams may have well suffered from such a level of depression, and it's been hard for me to know precisely how to react to him offing himself. But that aside...

I found Crystal's tribute to Williams at the Emmys to be exceptional. It was thoughtful, non-judgmental, and moving.  The Rager, being a person who never becomes emotional in front of anyone, actually had a tear brought to his eye by Crystal's heartfelt tribute.

But, as usual, many leftists just couldn't leave very well enough alone -- taking to the rot-gut culture that is the American social media in order to accuse two of their own (Crystal and Williams) of "racism" for a Williams joke in the tribute that is said to have poked fun at the disgusting, oppressive, murderous and maniacal Islamic "Republic" of Iran (link below).  Good God -- Can't Have That, Now Can We, leftists?!?

And some actually wonder why I oppose these creeps with every single fiber of my being. 'Til they stick me in the ground, leftists, I will be your opponent.  Always.  Deem it a promise.  You slugs.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/billy-crystal-leads-robin-williams-emmys-tribute-awards-show-criticised-for-choosing-racist-joke-about-iranian-woman-9690355.html

2014 Emmys: "Breaking Bad" Wins Just About Everything It Was Nominated For (Nostalgia/End of Series Factor?), While "True Detective" Is SHUT OUT of All the Top Awards!

Frankly not sure how "True Detective" could be completely left out of all the top Emmy awards Monday night, but I do know two things...

(1)  Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are guaranteed to be saying tonight, "This is the last freakin' time I ever do television -- Fuck This Shit!"

(2)  "True Detective" picked the wrong damn year for Detective Rustin to stop sniffin' smack.

------------

Postscript:  Not just "Nostalgia/End of Series Factor" that might've broke in Bad's favor -- I also wonder if there wasn't a blow back from the voters of the "academy" upon HBO for submitting True Detective as a drama, whereas an almost identically postured series (American Horror Story) has always been submitted under the "Mini-Series" category?

The two shows are identically postured because they involve new seasons with completely different settings, time periods, and stories, with any common actors from previous seasons playing entirely different characters.  My simple solution to the "academy" (whatever the fuck that is):  DEFINE and REQUIRE these submissions to be consistent amongst offerings, such that AHS and TD can ONLY be submitted one way.  This Ain't Rocket Science!  Regardless of which category you require, Make It Consistent!  Duh!

There Outta Be a Law! Bosomy Broad Strolls Around Topless in Public Trying to Fool People with Spray-Painted Bazongas!

This cannot, or least should not, be legal. This Danish model walked the streets recently with what appeared to be a tight-fittin' Chanel T-shirt.  Only problem? It was as fake as her honkers appear to be!

Whole thing was spray-painted on to look like a sexy Tee. But instead of any shirt extending coverage, this big-jugged jokester had 'em out there, uncovered, just a floppin' in the breeze!

However, looks like her melons weren't the only thing she failed to pull the wool over, as onlookers up and down the street saw right through this floozy's little bare-racked ruse.

And naturally, this well-rounded prankster dish needed to sit down for a moment for the obligatory "selfie" (man, I still hate that word) while soaking up everyone's undivided attention.

But I come full circle: Why isn't this little paint job in the freakin' hoosegow? What if I engineered a little Tit for Tat, and took the ol' paint brush to my John Thomas before letting it all hang out in public?

"Those are my gym shorts," I'd implore the copper who would invariably have the cuffs slapped on my sorry bare ass in a New York minute.

So Where's my Equal Protection against such a double standard? There's something rotten in Denmark. And please don't tell me to call Holder and Justice to seek redress. Me's way too pale and way too male for any help from them.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2679349/Danish-model-goes-topless-public-covered-just-SPRAY-PAINTED-reactions-onlookers-hilarious.html

"Working Moms Have New Breastfeeding Rights Under ObamaCare": I Take Back Every Vile Thing I've Ever Said About that Leftist Legislative Monstrosity!

Ya know, Obama and his fellow leftist 20 percenters could sure use to work a lot more tits and ass into their sleazy ways. Breastfeeding ain't a bad place to start.

Hows about now, a new ObamaCare regulation protecting the right to bear bare asses in public? We could go places with this, leftists.

http://news.yahoo.com/working-moms-breastfeeding-rights-under-aca-151359801.html

Won't Share Yer Meatballs, Uh? Well, He Gots Some Meatballs For Ya! Chinese Healthcare Worker Allegedly "Cuts Off Four Patients' Testicles After They Didn't Share Their Meatball Stew With Him"!

This one may sound like another horror story from Obama's and W Bush's V.A. system, but instead it comes from China, where apparently they're paying some workers little more than room and board -- with "board" being redefined like so many slop troughs in a pig sty...

46-year-old worker Wang Fan -- whose mental state has been described as a couple chains short of a Joe Biden -- was reportedly hired by a Chinese care home in exchange for "a place to sleep and was allowed to eat the food left over after the patients had been fed."

I guess one could surmise where such a contingency-based renumeration scheme might take things south for a famished care worker like Fan, but not this far below the belt: When several male patients polished off the entirety of their meatball stew without so much as leaving behind a solitary morsel, Fan allegedly went to work on the patients like a cheap butcher on chumpchops...

This crazy cojones carver -- reportedly no Fan of cleaned plates -- allegedly "tied down the men" and did a number on them with a "razor blade to cut off their testicles."

One 62-year-old victim said he "thought [Fan] was tying me down because of some medical procedure but then I realized actually something was wrong and I yelled and screamed, but nobody came."

And in case you were wondering whether Fan might employ the ol' "a man's gotta eat" defense, the answer would appear to be yes:

Cops say this huevos-hackin' half-wit "planned to cook and eat the testicles" for their nutritional as well as "medicinal properties" -- which itself raises a whole host of new questions as to which doctor might have told Fan to take two balls and call him in the morning?

http://metro.co.uk/2014/07/28/row-over-meatballs-leads-to-man-cutting-off-the-testicles-of-four-care-home-residents-with-a-razor-4813118/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2708194/Chinese-care-home-worker-cuts-four-patients-testicles-didnt-share-meatball-stew-him.html