We've recently been blitzed with tales of how the rotten economy in Obama's America has really taken a bite out of the criminal element's ability to operate and get a little piece of the action. And now, reportedly, the economic strife and distress has even spread to the hobo crowd.
Apparently unable to even afford a cheap dive on a night when they felt like sleeping in a bed for a change, two tramps in Bristol, Tennessee got a rather sickening slumber on in a couple of coffins after allegedly breaking into a local funeral parlor this week (links to full story at bottom).
And these lazy bums even had the gall to sleep in! (Allegedly). When undertakers arrived to work at the joint on Tuesday morning, they reportedly found the two lying loafers still "peacefully asleep" in the caskets at 10:30 in the damn morning! Hobo dissipation. Not cool.
When the two startled vagrants got wind that the police had been called, they allegedly moved faster than a pallbearer in need of Number One -- jumping out the funeral parlor's nearest window.
One escaped, one didn't. And the one who got caught may for the foreseeable future be getting a permanent bed (free of burial charge) in the local hoosegow.
That's because the two vagabonds allegedly caused almost 10,000 bucks in damage to the two pine drapes in which they were bunking out. That means burglary and vandalism charges, boys. Talk about one sorry sarcophagus.
I've been asked before what I mean by one of the terms that I've previously coined -- "leftist 20 percenters." Therefore, I feel an occasional obligation to provide a demonstrative exhibit.
Postscript: Only two very quick thoughts on Tuesday's East Coast Earthquake: (1) Any suggestion Bush cannot be blamed for this earthquake is exceedingly naive; and (2) Two words -- global gun control.
It wasn't just any touchdown, after all. Damn it, it was the game-winning touchdown! So naturally you can see why 27-year-old Dejuan Wells might be upset when that touchdown went against his boy's pee-wee football team over the weekend. And Wells wasn't gonna take it all lying down, either! (Allegedly)
First, cops say Wells stormed the field of play to try to get a piece of the game refs who had allowed the touchdown. This is, of course, completely understandable behavior. When one has issues with his/her own self-esteem and self-image, it's only natural to compensate by living through Junior or little Abby in hopes that they might somehow redeem your pathetic ass. So you tend to take sports results and ref calls that go against the kids very personally. Perfectly justified.
But cops say Wells took the typical sad ranting-and-raving sports parent act to a whole new rotten level this time around. In addition to going after the refs, Wells allegedly fought the law as well! And you know who always wins in that equation?
When one cop told Wells to get the hell off the football field or else he'd be arrested, Wells reportedly shouted "You Can't Arrest Me!" and also made a big fist-clenching gesture.
But oh contraire -- they most certainly can arrest you, slimeball. And when the cops tried to do so, Wells allegedly transformed into a Dracula, biting everything in sight in an apparent state of psychotic rage. One cop took a big bite on the arm (pictured above), while another cop nearly got his finger bitten off.
I don't know if one of these cops had some garlic cloves or holy water or what, but they were eventually able to restrain Wells and slap the ol' cuffs on him.
Now Wells may have to rely on secondhand accounts in order to follow his little boy's budding football career, since Wells faces four felony counts and undoubtedly a nice extended bit in the ice house. And given his fleshy culinary tastes (allegedly), I just hope he stays the hell out of those pickup basketball games out in the yard.
The wisdom gained from 20 years in the can. 72-year-old convicted killer Charles Baeza (pictured above) allegedly learned his lesson only too well during his 20-year bit: If you need to snuff out your significant other, then never, ever, ever do it yourself. Instead, hire a hitman to whack her out! (Allegedly)
This slimeball rubbed out his wife in 1990 by pumping her full of holes at a Long Island bus stop. 20 years later, they let this sleazebucket out the hoosegow on parole. And it's not like this creep went exactly back to his old ways. Nope, this time there was a twisted twist (allegedly).
Cops in the Big Apple say this Sorry Charlie got into a beef with his new girlfriend after she wouldn't pay him back on an alleged $5,000 "loan" for dental work. But having learned a thing or two from his rehabilitative stint in the state freezer, this scumjob apparently knew better than to just take her out flippantly.
So maybe sue the broad for the money, or simply contact the police? Course not. The much more prudent course of action, after all, was to still pop the dame but to have someone else carry out the job! Put another way: 1-800-HITT-MAN.
But that's when things reportedly started to head south faster than a plate factory "prag." It turns out (cops say) that Baeza contacted the wrong damn person for this hit -- an undercover cop.
Cops say this scuzball met up with the undercover cop down at the local pizza parlor, although the two reportedly had trouble coming to terms on the hit. Seems that Baeza wanted to "haggle" over the price of the piece that would be used to pull off this little assassination (allegedly). "It was all just a joke," this skunk claimed after his arrest.
But now this goon may have do his future dickering and joking from the inside of a cell -- complete with another 20 years to further refine his skills at achieving domestic tranquility.
That's because cops have thrown the book at him with charges of criminal solicitation and attempted criminal possession of a weapon. Maybe next time around, he'll know to go the "buffer" route and hire an agent to deal with the hitman.
He's as scary as Luca Brasi (allegedly) and perhaps more intelligent than Leatherface (or maybe not). But one difference: Get too close to this crazy man and it may be you who sleeps with the fishes.
He's 52-year-old Dale McDaniel (pictured at top and on right) of Pasco County, Florida. And neighbors say this madman has wrought a reign of terror from one end of the neighborhood to the other.
One of this demented oddball's favorite pastimes, for example, is to chase neighbors down the block with a chainsaw (allegedly) -- in a scene that must be eerily reminiscent of the ending to Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
This lunatic is also alleged to have attacked a wheelchair-bound quadriplegic neighbor with a damn fish. The disabled neighbor says the maniac McDaniel took to slapping him right across the mush with the big dead fish.
One female neighbor accuses this psychopath of trying to choke her out. Says the woman: "He's a scary person, especially when he gets violent . . . That's not something you forget." Neighbors also say "they feel [McDaniel] has a drinking problem," although I personally find that very difficult to believe.
Neighbors say that when this brute isn't wielding chainsaws or swinging fish around, he likes to hang out in his "overgrown, trash-filled yard" -- urinating therein and shouting obscenities at those who dare to walk past the joint.
McDaniel has been arrested at least 34 times but somehow always manages to find his way home. Some neighbors are trying to get restraining orders slapped on his deranged old ass.
For his part, McDaniel points a finger of blame at the neighbors: "They've had problems with me for years and I ain't worried about it," spouted this creepy nutjob.
He also claims he's just been misunderstood: "I'm not a menace. They just don't know how to deal with me," he said.Isn't that what they always say about pit bulls right before their next kill?
First we had the man last week allegedly pulling a convenience store heist with a giant tree branch, and now the terrible economic news this week has apparently made things even worse for your garden-variety common street hood. Cops in Dallas say a "cross-dressing man" took off his own underwear and tried to use it as a disguise as he pulled his own gas station job earlier this week.
This "briefs bandit" is still on the loose. And his pathetic, low-budget act didn't stop with him wearing his unmentionables over his noggin. The surveillance video also shows the man sporting a "floral-print mini dress" during this piece of work at the "On the Run" Exxon Tigermart gas station.
Not only that, but the man apparently couldn't even muster up so much as a tree branch as a weapon for his little cash-strapped caper. Instead, it appears he may have had no weapon at all, rather sticking his paw under his mini dress and acting like he had something more down there than just his lovegun.
Specifically, the man "stormed inside with his hand wrapped in part of the dress" and then acted like he was aiming a weapon at the cashier, who turned over the loot. The clerk told cops it was apparent the man wasn't wearing any drawers underneath, confirming that he had been forced to use the briefs off his own package as his disguise.
With the joint's cash in hand, the video shows the briefs bandit slowly backing his way out of the store. Just for good measure, he robbed a customer waiting on line on his way out the door.
Local businesses have vowed to help out the cops however they can, apparently promising to "keep a close eye out" for any patrons wearing linens over their melons. "It's definitely something that is a little bit odd," said a worker at a nearby gas station.
But I'm left to ponder what sort of oddity we might see next from these economically stretched criminals. A kiddie gator as a getaway ride? An old holey sock to hold the cash? A demand note carved into a piece of tree bark? In sum, you know times are real tough when even pulling off a decent stickup job ain't economically viable anymore.
Says Mike Berandino this week in the South Florida Sun-Sentinel: "Missouri must be very proud at having lured away a man [head basketball coach Frank Haith] who managed just one trip to the NCAA Tournament in seven seasons [at Miami] despite allegedly accepting donations from a sleazeball like [incarcerated Miami booster] Nevin Shapiro."
But getting back to my question at the top: Missouri? Whatdaya mean I used to go to games there and donate money? Whatchya talkin' 'bout, Willis? I'm tellin' ya, I ain't never heard of the joint. I don't know nothin', I just work here. I don't see nothin'; I don't give nothin'. (Not anymore, leastways.)
I guess there really still do exist "bands of gypsies" apart from Wolfman movies, since one particularly grubby such band reportedly took over a woman's house recently and tore it to shreds in London. But to their credit, the gypsies did seem quite courteous to the homeowner once she discovered them. And this'll teach that woman to leave her house unattended for the weekend!
55-year-old Julia High (pictured immediately above) was reportedly just looking to get away for a few days, likely given her stressful occupation as an immigration border agent. But she may want to consider staying at home 365 days a year from now on given that -- in the space of merely a couple of days -- a pack of eight "Romanian gypsies" (also pictured above) took to squatting in her home and rearranging its interior until it was virtually unrecognizable!
The well-kept appearance of the home's inside apparently didn't sit too well with these gypsies, whom I can only guess are used to a certain degree of volatility and disorder in their digs. Exhibit 1: Julia says these bums in a few short days completely ransacked the joint, leaving a trail of rubbish behind them from the parlor all the way to the shithouse.
But these tramps reportedly had no ideological problems with Julia's wardrobe or ice box, raiding both in order to parade around in Julia's clothes and to snarf down all of her eats and booze. However, these tinkers apparently wanted no part of Julia's other possessions, as they gathered those up in trash bags, which they piled up out on the porch and in the backyard.
And these gypies really didn't care for Julia's carpeting scheme, apparently, since they "ripped up" all of the home's carpets and chucked them out in the backyard garden. Ready for the next season of "Extreme Home Makeover," these gypies!
These moochers also allegedly swiped the few items in the home that might have some quick resale value (the computer and digital cameras). Just for good measure, they also reportedly caused a fair amount of water damage in the kitchen and bathroom. (What, ya didn't expect them to shower and shave during their stay?) In short: "Only [Julia's] beds and wardrobes were left intact."
Julia returned home at the end of her weekend to find the vagabond family sipping her wine while dressed in her clothes. The gypies, however, were gracious enough to "offer her a glass of her own wine." But the vagrants were adamant, at the same time, that they -- and not Julia -- were the rightful occupants of the home.
In one of the better squatter occupancy justifications likely ever dreamed up, these hobos told the returning Julia that she was "dead" and that her son had rented the place to them upon her passing. Seemingly rejecting Julia's claim to the contrary that she was, you know, alive, the gypsies next produced a fake set of rental documents which they claimed the son had signed.
Only problem? Julia has no son. Busted! Damn pesky family trees. So Julia was able to get the cops to toss this gaggle of gypsies out on their bindlesticks. Now Julia has to stay with friends while her trashed home is repaired -- a process she believes may take weeks and weeks.
As for this gypsy bunch -- never fear. Because being gypsies, I imagine this group can take of themselves only too well. Case in point: No sooner had Julia sent them packing than they had already reportedly taken up squattin' in another home a few blocks away. I just hope that homeowner has a lot better tastes in carpeting.
The rotten economic times in Obama's America have now apparently gotten so bad that they've come home to roost in Texas -- the state with the seemingly recession-proof economy for which deranged right-winger republic partisan presidential candidate Rick Perry is trying to take exclusive credit. I say that because Obama-flation's impact on food prices reportedly has 'em looking to feast on blood down in the land of shit-kickers, fake boobs and annoying drawls. Y'all know what I mean?!?
Cops in Galveston, Texas say it all started peacefully Saturday night for one tuckered-out local woman as she hit the hay for her nightly slumber. But that's when Count Dracula flew into the picture (allegedly). All hell broke loose from there.
19-year-old Lyle Monroe Bensley first allegedly kicked down the door on the broad's ocean-front apartment. Cops say Bensley was buck naked save some boxer shorts. So where did this hungry hoodless hoodlum (allegedly) head first? The kitchen? The ice box? The lazy susan?
Nope. None of those things. Instead, cops say he made a beeline straight for the woman's bedroom to try to get his grub on. As he slithered his way into the bedroom, the woman says Bensley was "growling and hissing" up a storm. She says he immediately clocked her one right in the kisser and then tried to take a big bite out of her neck!
Bensley next allegedly drug the woman into a hallway before she was able to escape the ghoul's grasp. The woman reportedly scurried into a car outside and tried to speed away -- with Bensley allegedly beating the car and chasing after it all the while. (No word whether he ever turned into a bat to help in his efforts to give chase).
Cops say they were alerted to this whole sick scene when they heard "shrieking and growling" emanating from the parking lot. "I need to feed!", Bensley reportedly told cops. As a result, one cop said, Bensley "was begging us to restrain him because he didn't want to kill us."
Cops obliged by slapping the ol' cuffs on the famished fiend. (I hope they at least had the compassion to offer him a doughnut).
When cops questioned Bensley concerning his rather oddball remarks, Bensley reportedly told them: "I'm a vampire and I've been alive for over 500 years."
So Bensley was just some drugged-out punk, you might think? No Siree Bob. Cops say there was no indication that he was under the influence of any drugs or alcohol. So I think we need to very seriously consider the possibility that Bensley may, in fact, be a vampire.
But blood-sucker or no, he can't escape the long arm of the law. And he may have to stalk his next blood-letting in the Big House, as cops have busted him on charges of burglary with intent to commit assault. I wonder if he'll slap the hoosegow with one of those prisoner mistreatment lawsuits when he finds only bread and water in the mess hall?
It may be the Massachusetts Institute of Technology ("MIT"), but methinks they should stick to rocket science. Pointing to such political pieces of tail as Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann -- not to mention well-hairlined candidates like "MIT(T)" Romney (go figure) -- the new MIT study suggests that good-looking candidates simply get more votes from an adoring public than do cretin candidates.
But simply applying common sense and a few real-life, big-ticket examples quickly debunks the findings of this story. Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann -- despite America's clamoring to see their hot asses in a mud catfight -- are both unelectable in a general election race for president. That's the way it tends to go for screeching, loud-mouthed, deranged right-wingers, no matter how good they look. Neither is likely to ever even win her own party's nomination.
And that brings us to Hillary Clinton. Pippa Middleton or Jenna Jameson, she's not. But she was this close to wrestling the democrat party nomination from Barack Obama in 2008, and from there would have easily defeated tired old man McCain to become to first woman president.
Also, if she chose to do so, I believe she'd kick Obama's hapless ass back to Halstead Street in a 2012 democrat party primary challenge. And while she'd might not be able to beat them in a catfight (and certainly not in a beauty pageant), Hillary would destroy Palin or Bachmann in a general election. So I call bunk, MIT. Stay with genetics and robotics next time, boys.
Such a wise and profound "conclusion." Only problem: The latest Gallup polling data suggests that only about 39% of the country agrees with it. So I have an alternate suggestion for "Mr. Obama": Retire. Just go away. And take your leftist 20 percenter party, as well as the republic partisan party, with you.
Course, you won't be doing any of those things. But have no fear. The Independents (the people who control your election outcomes) will be retiring plenty of you on both sides in the 2012 elections. Consider it our little gift to the wonderful, esteemed politicians of the republic partisan and democrat parties. I can hardly wait to watch.
Look at that goof. He's Oklahoma State head football coach Mike Gundy. Up until now, about the only thing he's been known for is once completely blowing a gasket and ranting and raving at the media like a madman about how "I'M A MAN! I'M 40!" (Video at bottom).
But now this hollerin' hothead has reportedly embarrassed himself even worse -- allegedly strong-arming and giving a home laborer his walking papers because the dude had the unmitigated gall to wear an OklahomaSooners T-shirt (his school's rival) on the job!
Brent Loveland of Choctaw, Oklahoma was reportedly just going about his business after being hired to do some carpentry work at Gundy's home. Dude wasn't even wearing an Oklahoma Sooners football shirt, but rather a Sooners baseball tee. But that didn't stop Gundy from going Solomon Grundy-style deranged all over the poor laborer's ass! (Allegedly).
Loveland has slapped Gundy's big fat mush (and Ross Perot-type accent & temper) with a new lawsuit alleging that because Loveland wore a Sooners tee on the job, Gundy cursed at him and called him a "stupid idiot" for "wearing the shirt on 'OSU soil.' " Gundy also allegedly refused Loveland's attempts to apologize and gave the confused carpenter his pink slip right there on the spot!
Gundy's alleged meltdown could turn out to be a costly one, since Loveland is seeking $10,000 in damages. He says he lost "more than $30,000 in income from an expected 13 weeks of work."
OK, I get the whole sports rivalry thing. I'm a Missouri guy, and Missouri has one of the most bitter rivalries in the country when it comes to the University of Kansas jayhawkers. But please! With everything rotten going on the country and world right now, fans and coaches like Gundy (allegedly) are still going to resort to this kind of mindless, over-the-top sports-team think and vicarious living through athletes and schools?
Hell, I have a Kansas grad living next door to me and a Kansas State grad across the street. The next time I see them wearing some of their garb, maybe I should go "Solomon" Gundy and just clock 'em one right in the kisser, no?
At the very least, I could give them a good dressing down and try to humiliate them for having the nerve to wear the wrong shirt so close to "MU soil"? Positively laughable, juvenile, and demented.
And kids: It is a good thing to become a man by the time you're 40. A lot of people never manage that. But if that means being a "man" like "Solomon" Gundy, methinks you should endeavor to find a new and different pursuit.
Now this was the workplace from hell (allegedly). 23-year-old Priscilla Agosto of New York (pictured above and on right) has filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against employer "People's Choice Realty," claiming that she "was groped, slapped, flashed, fondled and subject to racial abuse and death threats." (Is that all? Not like anyone actuallytried to kill her!)
Apparently this Brooklyn joint thinks it has an airtight defense. The owner denies all charges of sexual harassment, saying that Agosto is "too ugly" and "no one would touch her." There you have it! Jackass.
Agosto reportedly hung on for 14 months of this tortuously hostile work environment (allegedly) before finally quitting. Which just goes to show: Jobs are so hard to come by in this absolutely rotten economy that people will actually endure hellish jobs out of fear they won't be able to find anything else.
Why else, after all, would any person endure 14 months of these things (my guess as to this braintrust employer's likely defense follows each item):
-Agosto says seven different male employees "made lewd advances at her even after she complained to the bosses." [Defense: Hey, they cut it out after she complained.]
-She says one male employee offered her 60 bucks for an Oral Roberts, telling her that "all Puerto Rican girls are good at it." [Defense: That employee never carries that kind of money around, and Puerto Rican girls ARE good at it!]
-Agosto alleges he also "groped" her and "stole a kiss" from her and would also ask Agosto (who happens to be a lesbian) to kiss pictures of naked women. [Defense: The women were not "naked," they were merely topless.]
-Just for good measure, Agosto says the same individual once "walked in while she was cleaning the bathroom, exposed himself and urinated in front of her." [Defense: When you gotta go, you gotta go!]
-Another employee allegedly demanded that Agosto "join him in a threesome." [Defense: He just wanted her to accompany him and his girlfriend to the Mets game.]
-Another employee allegedly offered Agosto $500 if he could watch her and her girlfriend having sex. [Defense: If you think Agosto's ugly, you should see the girlfriend. No one would pay to see that!]
-Agosto says another employee told her he would "get rid" of any employee who threatened the realty company, adding that "I don't have a problem killing anyone." [Defense: He didn't mean "kill" in the literal sense. It's like when the Obama campaign says it intends to "kill Romney."]
-She says the final straw came when another employee slapped her right across the face and "when she went crying" to management, the boss "waved her away." [Defense: I was on an important conference call at the time and, besides, I thought the only reason she was crying was because she'd just glanced in the mirror.]
WARNING: Viewer Discretion Advised from this point onward. I Got a Mouth Like an Alligator
T.I.R. Is Powered By:
The Hottest Broad In The Entire "Friday the 13th" Movie Series...
That would be Kirsten Baker from Part 2. That's her ass above, but she is also gorgeous in other places. Can you believe Jason hacked her up? What a damn awful waste.
RIP Richard Hatch 2/7/17
As a kid, my values rose and fell with your utterances on Battlestar Galactica. But Don't Get Me Started on that Jan and Dean movie!
01/05/17 "Nashville" Season Premiere on CMT Has Blown Rager's Mind Away!
This episode packed full more bombshells than a Bill Cosby weekend at the Playboy Mansion!
F-U-C-K Nirvana...
In 1989 & 90, my Independent Rage & spirit was most captured & reflected in the music & lyrics of N.W.A. Hell Yeah, "Straight Outta Compton"!
The Secret Weapon: Slick Willy's Approval Rating Dives to Putrid 39%...
...as a new generation of young 'uns learn of Clinton's past antics. Couldn't happen to a greater slimeball.
No One's Listening: "Obama Hits Viewership Low in Final SOTU Speech"
BTW: His Majesty King Nothing gave a speech in January?
"Fuck Off? How Bout If I Fuck Off All Over Your Fuckin' Face!?!"
Robert Loggia will be missed.
A-L-L Lives Matter. Even Bernie Sanders & Martin O'Malley Agree...
At least until they were heckled off the stage by democrat party radicals (hit pic for latest). His Majesty King Nothing Be Proud!
Instant Paglia: John Lennon's Son Julian Has a Clever Thing or 2 to Say About 2016 Politics, U.S.A.
If I didn't know better, I'd think this dude is a 60s relic feminist with a huge Independent and libertarian streak. (Hit Pic for Jules Camille)
"Extremely Dangerous," Former Fed Chief Says of Huge Spending During Obama Years...
Methinks Mr. Greenspan could use a good IRS audit for such blasphemy.
Here Come the Ladies!
I Give You Rager's Ladies Panel:
I'd Be Very Afraid of Her!
For any married dude out there, this Ambra Battilana broad has big bowl-a-wrong written all over her!
All My X's Live in Missourah
That's Why I Hang My Hat In Kansas-ee. (And Don't Even Get Me Started on Allison in Galveston!)
I Need to Get My Doggie in the Park More Often!
Playboy Playmate Ana Braga enjoys a "good old fashioned bikini workout in the park"! (Hit that ass for link)
"The Independents" Becomes "Kennedy" on Fox Biz Channel Nightly at 9:00 Central...
I recall this broad Kennedy from college & like her new show: It may last or not, but it's fun watchin'!
Next Time I Want to See "Roll Over"!
Joanna Krupa ALMOST loses her whole top this week trying to teach Spot new tricks. SO Close. Damn!
"HOT Mom Boobs on the Beach"!
Kourtney's definitely the slack sheep of the Kardashians, refusing to go DD cup on her fake Kans & all, like Kim did (hit KoK for story).
"What in Theee F*ck Is She Wearing?!"
British glamour model Keeley Hazell gets taken to the cleaners for recent choice in red carpet threads.
Cover Them Cans: Social Con*er*atism Run Amok In, Of All Places, New Jersey?!?
A court in the heavily democrat party state rules topless racks in public "are a moral threat" and properly banned. Plenty of prudes on both sides, it seems.
Uh, I Think You Missed a Couple of Big Spots There
Website worries Celebrity Big Brother's Amy Childs might splatter warm water on herself this way. Isn't that the whole point?
"Outrage Over Model's Post-Sandy Photo Shoot in Wreckage"
Who's looking at the wreckage? (Hit Nana Gouvea for link)
OH MY! Supermodel Kate Upton Contributes to the Contributor!
"Upton is posing in a series of photos at times wearing clothes that barely cover anything, other times wearing nothing at all." Is That a Complaint?!?
KATE UPDATE:
Well, there isn't one. Hasn't been one in awhile. But she still looks -- not so bad.
Hubba Hubba: She Could Be Sweet Child of "HIS"!!!
50-year-old GNR lead singer Axl Rose is reportedly dating half-his-age 25-year-old hot broad Lana Del Rey! Good Grief.
If You're Left, You're Bereft. If You're Right, You're Too Tight. But If You're Me, Oh Brother: Get Back, Get Back!
Democrat party chairman Patty "Wasserman" Simpson Calls Elementary Students "Little Democrats"
But oh contraire, leftist 20 percenter: Any young offspring of mine will be Independents. WTF is your lyin' Simpson sister ass gonna do about it, you extremist freak?
She Goes Out on the Street in 40 Degree Weather With Barely a Top On!
That's Welsh glamour model Imogen Thomas, who blames the misstep on the stress of new digs. She should move out more often!
She Loves Her New Fake Boobs So Much, She Bought the Damn Store!
British reality star Jessica Wright enhances up to 32DD and opens her own lingerie shop since she'll now be needing a fresh set of much larger bras (hit JW for story).
7th Grade Hormones Erupt! Here's Leggy, Busty Hostess Jan Speck from 80s Game Show "Treasure Hunt"!
She drove all us 13-year-olds crazy! Check out 4 minutes 10 seconds into the linked video: Oh My!
Still Curvy After All These Years...
Jenny McCarthy struts her stuff in Miami this week. Her secret for staying in shape? "Watching what I eat, and lots of great sex!" Hit!
You Drive a White T-Bird?
"It's Not Important."
Get Big Boobs, Wear a Crown, Name Magazine After Yourself...
Seems like the current American dream, if only Katie Price wasn't another one of those bosomy British babes (hit KP for story).
First Strip Joints, Next (You Watch) Porn: "That's One Way to Make a Buck!"
"Octomom mugs for the camera inside a strip club." Let me guess: The 8 were locked outside in a late model Ford Fairmont?
She Can Put the Full Long Con Sting on Me Any Time
TV con artist Jessica-Jane Clement shows why it's no wonder she's so good at swindling people.
"Sexy Senorita" Helen Flanagan Worries "Her Bum Looked Big in Her Jeans"
But who's looking at that Bum? I never got past the British soap star's two Hobos.
Dangerous Play: Soccer's Jermaine Pennant Dumps Fiance/Baby Mama for Busty Glam Model Alice Goodwin
Guess he figured he could better perfect his heading skills with a much bigger pair of fun bags.
The Record Shows. I Took the Blows. And Did It My Way.
Sarah Palin Nixes Idea of "Getting in the Mud & Engaging in Some Catfighting" with Michele Bachmann
She shouldn't be so rash. Not even in the race yet, and already she's putting the kibosh on this idea?
NYC Hottie Blogger Tionna Smalls Remains Relevant, as Her New Boutique "Loveys" Hits in a BIG Way..
I still recall 2009, when Tionna put a shout out on this blog. I covered the 1st season, but missed the 2nd, of What Chili Wants, but only b/c work kicked my ass that year.
Hell Revisited?
"Great" Lake Bell talks of reuniting the band GNR & filming an orgy scene in her new film. Oh my!
Real or Fake? (And I Don't Mean Her Kans)
Kim Kardashian sues Old Navy for using an imposter Kim in ads. I THINK the picture above shows the fake Kim and not the real one, but does it really matter?
Democrat Party Strategist Victoria Soto Calls Obama a "Deficit Hawk" Over & Over on 8/2 FoxNews!
Any leftist hottie who can keep me rolling like that for 10 damn minutes straight deserves a spot on my Ladies Panel! That's classic.
Vicky Ward of Vanity Fair
What's my point? I don't have one. I just saw her on CNN, & she's hot.
My Name Is Cookie, and "I'm an Aquaholic"
Bosomy TV chef Nigella Lawson says she needs to put down the (water) jugs and stop drinking so much H2O. Seriously.
Flunking Advocacy 101: Never Ask an Accusatory Question If You Don't Know the Answer
MSNBC hottie leftist Contessa Brewer tries to grill GOP congressman, asking "do you have a degree in economics?" Turns out he does, from Duke: "Yes ma'am, I do, with honors." Ouch.
A New Take on Man Bites Dog: "Woman Gropes TSA Agent's Breast at Security Checkpoint"
Not only did this broad allegedly grope the rack, she allegedly "squeezed and twisted the agent's breast with both hands." BTW, look at the suspect pic -- Yoko Ono?
Missouri Leftists Lament Late-Term Abortion Ban Going Into Law...
Damn pesky Roe v. Wade -- not reaching babies who can live outside the womb and all. What was the Supreme Court thinking?!
Ablaze in Spain!
32-G British glamour model Nicola McLean spotted in Marbella!
I'll Take Some Cream with Those Two, Sugar
Topless "sexpresso" bars are hotter than headlights in Washingon State.
She "Exposed a Little Too Much Flesh"
Something about "loose skin on her midriff," although does it really matter when it comes to 27-year-old British glamour model Nicola McLean?
Didn't I Watch This Crazy Scene in an Old Star Trek Picture?
Deranged 36-year-old Russian marine biologist Natalia Avseenko strips Buck Naked to go swimming with whales -- and with no signs of Art Vandelay shrinkage.
Who Says Charlie Sheen's the Demented Lunatic?
Sheen's Ex, Brooke Mueller, is seen walking the streets of Maui this week "engaged in conversations with random people in cars while clutching a wad of cash."
Advice: If This Hot Babe Wants Your Taxi Cab, Then Give It the Hell Up. And Walk the Other Way...
"Gorgeous swimsuit model Jessica White has been ordered to go to anger management sessions for an alleged cat fight with another woman over a cab."
"Yummy Mommy"
Kate Gosselin reportedly "looks better than ever as she prepares for [debut of] new season of reality show" on Monday night.
Give Me a Double Helpin' a Cream Cheese!
Ivanka Trump says she's craving cream cheese & bagels as she announces she's expecting a kid this summer. I'll expect to see a birth certificate, BTW.
No Wonder I Can't Stand These Partisan Broads...
"Politics May Trump Looks, Personality in Matters of the Heart" (hit Broads for story).
"I'm More Like the Guy When It Comes to Girls. I'm the Dominant One."
Actress Evan Rachel Wood confirms she's bisexual, not that there's anything wrong with that (hit ERW for story).
If There's Also a Ken Doll Version, I Do Not Want to See It!
New life-size Barbie measures 39-18-33 (hit pic for story). No word whether Heidi Montag or Kim Kardashian was the designer.
"Postpartum Bikini Body"
Aussie supermodel Miranda Kerr, just a few months after giving birth, hits the Malibu beaches this week for a Victoria's Secret photo shoot. (Hit MK for story)
I Could Live Under a Monarch If She Looked Like This...
Queen Rania of Jordan is facing allegations of "corruption" from some of her country's "tribes," but they better watch their mouths: In Jordan, they toss critics of the royal family into the pokey!
Scarlett, You Could Do So Much Better!!
Busty actress Scarlett Johansson is reportedly "smitten" & involved in a wild "fling" with nutjob actor Sean Penn, who's twice her age!
Heidi Montag to Join "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"?
She's been making a lot of noise about it on Twitter, but it seems this "story" is about as real as Heidi's [pick any body part].
"She Just Wants to Concentrate on Becoming a Serious Actress"
That means no more nude shoots, announces British actress & model Gemma Atkinson. Damn it!
She's One Tall Drink of Water!
Amazon Eve, who at 6'8" is the "world's tallest model," was reportedly "one model who stood above all the rest at a fundraiser at the Playboy Mansion last week." (Hit AE for story)
"Plunging Dress Causes a Situation" at the SAG Awards!
"Because I'm Latin, I'm expected to be voluptuous," said "Modern Family" star Sofia Vergara. "I think they want me with a little bit of meat." (Hit SV for story)
The Hottest Bob Barker Beauty of Alltime, Lanisha Cole, Is Back in the News!
Two words: Say No More! (Hit Hottie for story!).
Even Those Two Pairs Can't Help Piers Morgan's New Show on CNN!
His ratings are already in the tank, even w/ guests like Kim & Kourtney Kardashian (hit pic for story).
Exposed Again?!
Less than a year after "Kendra Exposed," "Girl Next Door" star Kendra Wilkinson has a second sex tape "on the way," and this time it's all-girl action w/ friend Taryn Ryan! (Hit KW for story)
He'd Be A Lot Better Served Just to Stay Home Alone!
Macaulay Culkin is reportedly now dating the pictured Spanish porn star Irene Lopez (hit pic for story). What's w/ these has-been movie stars hookin' up with porn babes?
"Have You Seen a Diamond Bracelet?!"
Beloved D-Cup Celebrity Christina Hendricks loses an $850,000 diamond bracelet at the Golden Globes, forcing the "curvy 'Mad Men' star" to scurry out of the awards & back to the red carpet to look for it! Luckily, an event staffer had found it (hit CH for story).
"JWoww Kalls Out Kim Kardashian"!
Fresh off pushing around Sammi on this week's "Jersey Shore," JWoww also blasts Kim Kardashian for not "manning up" about her new bigger lips being the result of plastic surgery (hit pic for story).
Deranged Hottie: "It's a Girl!"
Model Michelle Marie Gopaul allegedly abducts a baby girl at a casting call for a fake movie, then declares on her website that she's just given birth! She's sick. (Hit MMG for story)
"Sex Toy Queen" Straps On the Feed Bag, Gets More Than She Bargained For...
Jacqueline Gold's nanny stands accused of spiking the soup of the "sex-shop magnate" with wiper fluid and extra sugar & salt. What a Dildo! (Hit JG for story)
"Secret Boob Job?"
That's the question they're asking about country crooner LeAnn Rimes after new pics like this one this week. Sorry, but she might want to ask for a refund on that job (hit pic for story).
"Fire That B**ch"!?!
That's the headline from TMZ, which reports that Lindsay Lohan wants the Betty Ford clinic to can the staffer with whom Lohan had a physical altercation earlier this month (hit LL for story).
"You can't send small junk to a woman and expect anything!"
From the Brett Favre & Jenn Sterger sexting/donging scandal: Charles Barkley questions the size of Favre's junk: "If you’re going to send a woman a picture of your junk, it should be huge," he said. (Hit Jenn Sterger for story)
"Boobie Model"?!
That's the description leveled at the pictured Danielle Lloyd by a British website, which is celebrating the model's "return to posing for lad magazines" (hit Boobie Model for story).
Report: An Average Woman Kisses 29 Men Before She Gets Married...
...but who cares about any of that: I want to know how many LADIES the average woman smooches before she gets married! (Hit smoocheroo for story)
Long Live the Queen!
That's Italian glamour model Marika Fruscio bustin' out her royal duds for a new 2011 calendar (hit MF for item).
Where Did I Put Those Damn 3-D Glasses?!
Hot cookie Rachael Ray is taking her TV show 3-D starting on Friday (hit Double R for story).
"Sloppy Seconds"?!
That's the braggadocious description leveled by "the most hated man in the NHL," Sean Avery, in reference to his allegation that other NHL players are always dating his ex-girlfriends, including the pictured actress Elisha Cuthbert. Nice guy.
"Mammary Monday"?
I recall when we used to have so much more innocent phrases, such as "Manic Monday." But those were in days before the likes of Kacey Barnfield Hit the Internet (and before the days we even had An Internet)! Hit KB for some of the latest from the newest British Bombshell & Internet Sensation!
The British Invasion, Mark 3!
The past year has seen the arrival of British hotties Keeley Hazell & Sammy Braddy in the American pop culture, and now the trifecta is complete, with the most mainstream British bombshell yet amongst the 3: Resident Evil Afterlife's Kacey Barnfield! Hit KB for item on her new Maxim shoot.
Heidi vs. Kelly Rowland?
Now that sounds like a grudge match for the ages (hit HK for item). The "Smart Money" is on staying the hell out this one!
Move Over Kim Kardashian: Mayra & Reggie Becoming Quite the Item!
Word from Hollywood is that supermodel Mayra Veronica and Reggie Bush are becoming fairly serious in their relationship! (Hit MV for story). Kim Kardashian Must Be Fumin'!
Cia! Wish I Could Be-Ya!
Does any fashion outfit in the world have a hotter continuous stable of models than Brazilian swim brand Cia Maritima? This week the brand debuted its Moroccan-themed 2011 line to full houses in Florida & North Carolina (hit pic for story).
Buona Visione!
I think that's Italian, and I have no idea what it means, but it sure sounds like an apt description of British model Sammy Braddy, who continues to rival Keeley Hazell for the title of Hottest Brit Ever Invented (hit Sam for story).
Chalke One Up For a Great Cause
Actress Sarah Chalke takes a stroll in the park this week to benefit the fight against breast cancer (hit Chalke for item).
Rager's Grown a Bit Tired of the democrat party's War on Men...
So I give you the ultimate anthem of Real Man Liberation: "Wrapped Around Your Finger" by The Police. It gets in full Sting at 3:19, BTW.
Obama Girl Gettin' Bored!
Amber Lee Ettinger (of "Obama Girl" YouTube fame) (hit pic for video) appears on Fox Thursday night, says that she's started to sour on Obama. She actually struck me as refreshingly Independent, questioning both sides but also not taking things too seriously.
"...as I look back over a misspent life, I find myself more and more convinced that I had more fun doing news reporting than in any other enterprise. It is really the life of kings." -- H.L. Mencken, 1953 (emphasis added)
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Take This Away:
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We've recently been blitzed with tales of how the rotten economy in Obama's America has really taken a bite out of the criminal element's ability to operate and get a little piece of the action. And now, reportedly, the economic strife and distress has even spread to the hobo crowd.
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