First we had the man last week allegedly pulling a convenience store heist with a giant tree branch, and now the terrible economic news this week has apparently made things even worse for your garden-variety common street hood. Cops in Dallas say a "cross-dressing man" took off his own underwear and tried to use it as a disguise as he pulled his own gas station job earlier this week.
This "briefs bandit" is still on the loose. And his pathetic, low-budget act didn't stop with him wearing his unmentionables over his noggin. The surveillance video also shows the man sporting a "floral-print mini dress" during this piece of work at the "On the Run" Exxon Tigermart gas station.
Not only that, but the man apparently couldn't even muster up so much as a tree branch as a weapon for his little cash-strapped caper. Instead, it appears he may have had no weapon at all, rather sticking his paw under his mini dress and acting like he had something more down there than just his lovegun.
Specifically, the man "stormed inside with his hand wrapped in part of the dress" and then acted like he was aiming a weapon at the cashier, who turned over the loot. The clerk told cops it was apparent the man wasn't wearing any drawers underneath, confirming that he had been forced to use the briefs off his own package as his disguise.
With the joint's cash in hand, the video shows the briefs bandit slowly backing his way out of the store. Just for good measure, he robbed a customer waiting on line on his way out the door.
Local businesses have vowed to help out the cops however they can, apparently promising to "keep a close eye out" for any patrons wearing linens over their melons. "It's definitely something that is a little bit odd," said a worker at a nearby gas station.
But I'm left to ponder what sort of oddity we might see next from these economically stretched criminals. A kiddie gator as a getaway ride? An old holey sock to hold the cash? A demand note carved into a piece of tree bark? In sum, you know times are real tough when even pulling off a decent stickup job ain't economically viable anymore.
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Maybe he's already been punished enough? I mean, he had to wear his own jockeys (nice use of the word 'linens' by the way!) over his face - yuck! This made me laugh so hard...hahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteHow about the big leg hole that exposed a lot of his face? He would have been better suited to use boxers for a disguise. Much better coverage.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure he's thinking (in retrospect) that he could have executed that whole operation in a better fashion =) Pun intended....'fashion', he was wearing his underwear on his head....you get the picture =) Hey, sometimes I'm funny, and sometimes I'm not, I always try! ha!
ReplyDeleteI thought you meant "operation" since this was some sort of cross-dressing freak.
ReplyDeleteAhahahaha.....I meant his 'operation' as his thieving operation he's trying to run! ha! Thanks for making me laugh, I needed that =)
ReplyDeleteWith the briefs over his head, I'm not even sure how they knew for sure he was a man. My understanding is that you can't always necessarily tell merely by the private part (as spied by the clerk).
ReplyDeleteWell that's it then....if you can't even tell he's a man without his unders on, then he's to be pitied...poor schmuck. No wonder he's thieving!
ReplyDeleteJust Google "She Male," and you'll see what I mean.
ReplyDeleteI googled. I cringed. I guess it takes all kinds of people to make up a world, huh?
ReplyDeleteI saw this week that some college in the U.S. is asking applicants to disclose their sexual orientation so that the college can throw a little affirmative action the way of gay people in terms of admission. But I call discriminatory Bullshit! That college is directly and categorically discriminating against mixed-sex she-males with that question. How is an upstanding she-male supposed to answer that question?
ReplyDeleteThat IS discriminatory bullshit and what's to keep students from saying they're gay just to get some perks?!
ReplyDelete