I Gotta Give One Thing to These Secret Service Agents: They Do Have an Eye for the Hot Broad & the Nice Rack...

...This after the revelations in recent days of (1) the Secret Service agents' Colombian hooker scandal involving "escort" Dania Suarez (first and third pictures above) and other hoes, and (2) one of those same agents admitting that he liked to "check out" and stare at Sarah Palin's ass when assigned to protect her. (Links at bottom).

Hell, I'd be checking out those two little numbers (Palin and Suarez) too if given the opportunity. They Be Hot! Hotter than a brown dog tick in an Alabama shithouse in the middle of August. To Protect and Serve, baby! Damn pesky security breaches.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/secret-service-colombian-hooker-scandal-escort-explosive-scandal-article-1.1064287
http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2012/04/19/gIQAmIt7TT_print.html

After Lesbian Kiss Pic, You Should "Trash Your Teen's New Urban Outfitters Catalog Today"? Screw That. I'd Be Looking Forward to the Next Edition!

The young models smoochin' above (and below) are from Urban Outfitters' new April catalog, and there's no indication whatsoever that either of the ladies is underage. So what's the big damn deal? But don't trying telling that to right-winger group "One Million Moms"!

The social conservative group is going after Urban Outfitters with all of its right-wing gusto (link at bottom), urging parents across the country to "trash your teen's new Urban Outfitters catalog today!"

The quasi-boycott movement (amazing how much right-wingers and leftist 20 percenters alike seem to love business boycotts) is also imploring people nationwide to flood Urban Outfitters with angry e-mail complaints.

This deranged right-winger outfit OMM (which previously tried to boycott JCPenney for using a lesbian as a spokesman -- can't have that!) is also asking e-mailers to threaten a boycott of Urban Outfitters and is demanding that Urban Outfitters "apologize."

OMM complains that the catalog targets teens and therefore shouldn't use any girlie smoocheroo pics. Hey, if you have a problem with homosexuality and/or with your teen being exposed to the fact that homosexuals kiss each other, that's your prerogative: You're free to prevent your teen from taking or keeping the catalog. But why would you feel the compelling need to impose that outcome and viewpoint on every other parent out there through a boycott?

It's a parent's job to filter the images and speech to which his/her kids are exposed. So do your job, and worry about your own damn kids. And let other parents worry about theirs. Believe it or not, right-wingers and leftists: You really DON'T know what's best for everyone else's kids.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2131095/Lesbian-model-kiss-Urban-Outfitters-photo-shoot-enrages-One-Million-Moms-organisation.html
http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/329456/20120417/urban-outfitters-lesbian-kiss-one-million-moms.htm

Whiskey Bottles, Baseball Bats, and a Good Running Over: New Mexico Woman Allegedly Goes Ape on Boyfriend (With Truck & Weapons) Over a Damn T-Shirt!

He just wanted to get his drink on with the old lady. But apparently there was something about his shirt she didn't like. Or there was some shirt he wouldn't give her. Or he failed to compliment her on her shirt. Regardless, a T-shirt was involved -- and it was for some reason at the heart of things when all hell broke loose...

The boyfriend of 34-year-old Agapita Ramos (pictured above) was reportedly sipping on a few brewskies in Ramos' Chevy pickup truck late last month when the shirt-shit hit the fan. The disagreement over the shirt allegedly became so heated (as most shirt arguments tend to do) that Ramos told her old man to get the hell out the truck and hoof it home himself.

That seemed OK with boyfriend, although he sure as hell wasn't going to leave that 18-pack of beer and whiskey bottle in the ride! But when he went to grab the booze, Ramos instead allegedly grabbed the whiskey bottle and clocked the boozin' boyfriend right in the mush! And that was just for starters...

Boyfriend was at least able to retrieve his beer, but as he started to walk home with his brew, he says he "heard the revving of the truck's engine" behind him. Eventually satisfied apparently that the truck was fully "revved up," Ramos next allegedly drove the truck right at boyfriend and ran him right over! (No word whether she got the 18-pack too).

The run-over left boyfriend with a leg pinned under the truck -- the sort of prone position which Ramos was allegedly prepared to take full advantage of. Cops say Ramos then grabbed a big baseball bat and started beating the helpless, trapped boyfriend about the head with it!

Boyfriend for his trouble reportedly got messed up something real bad, requiring reconstructive surgery on his right arm. Meantime Ramos is being held down at the hoosegow on aggravated battery charges. And good news for the hacks down there who will have to dress Ramos: Those orange jumpsuits are all one piece -- no shirt involved.

http://www.thenorthwestern.com/usatoday/article/38956375?odyssey=mod%7Cnewswell%7Ctext%7CFRONTPAGE%7Cs
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2124717/Woman-ran-boyfriend-pickup-truck-beat-baseball-bat-argument-shirt.html

"Angry Roman Centurions Besiege Colosseum"!!!

Looks like I picked the wrong damn week to start attending gladiator events.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/apr/12/roman-centurions-scuffle-police-colosseum?newsfeed=true

Civility: democrat party Head of the Maine Legislature's "Moderate Caucus" Calls for Former republic partisan V.P. Dick Cheney to be EXECUTED...

Now if that's what the democrat party calls a "moderate," I'd hate to meet in person one of their more left-leaning members!

Maybe that's why the leftist 20 percenters will argue all night long that Obama (arguably the most left-wing president in American history) is a "moderate" -- which to me (and any other reasonable human being) is a statement as psychotic as claiming to be Napoleon Bonaparte.

And that's why it's largely a waste of my time to ever try speaking with a leftist. Try communicating sometime with a person who has completely different definitions for the most common of words (see, e.g., "moderate" and "is") than 80% of the rest of the population...

It ain't easy, I'm here to tell ya. So I've largely retired from the endeavor. Time can be spent on so much more productive uses. Such as swallowing hemlock or trying to carry on a conversation with a Mississippi shithouse.

http://www.themainewire.com/2012/04/%E2%80%9Cmoderate-caucus%E2%80%9D-chair-urges-cheney%E2%80%99s-execution/
http://dailycaller.com/2012/04/12/maine-legislator-tweet-seemingly-calls-for-cheneys-execution/

Look at the democrat party Dumpin' All Over My School, the University of Missouri: Is There No Part of Our Lives These People Can Just Leave Alone?

In the news in recent days is the new democrat party strategy to try to compare likely gop-er presidential nominee Mitt Romney to Missouri grad Jon Hamm's "Don Draper" character from the TV show "Mad Men" (link at bottom).

Leaving aside the second grade level of rhetoric trying to score points against a political opponent by comparing him to a pop culture character or TV show, what's WRONG with being like Jon Hamm? Hell, if anything, it's an insult to Hamm to compare him to Romney!

And if the democrat party next starts working Kansas jayhawker smack into its rhetoric (e.g., "Mitt Romney wants to return us to the days of the Missourah slavers"), I'm REALLY gonna get riled up over here.

SOME things should be off-limits in campaigns. Like family. Like educational records (if you're Obama, leastways). And methinks the voters' alma maters should be off-limits too. Lay off Missouri, democrat party. We've suffered enough already in recent weeks, years, decades, lifetimes, etc.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0412/75093.html

New Study: "Beer Makes Men Smarter" and Better Problemsolvers. Uh...

...I think I'm going to stick to the anecdotal counter-evidence pictured above. Put another way: I ain't buyin'.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/beer-men-smarter-study-article-1.1059752

A Racist Under Every Bed, & Now Apparently the Communists Are Back Under There Too: Right-Winger Allen West Claims 80 House democrats Are Communists!

What is it about right-wingers and leftist 20 percenters that always instills in them the apparently incessant need and drive to spread ugly fear and hate-mongering and divisive name-calling 24-7 based upon not a shred of evidence? (Just take their word for it, they implore the mindless).

We've seen this with the constant rhetoric from the leftists over the past 3 years suggesting and/or implying that any opposition to Obama whatsoever must be based in some small or large part on racism. Never mind, of course, that all those racist Americans voted for and elected Obama in the first place by a majority vote.

And Wednesday deranged right-winger gop-er congressman Allen West got in on this unseemly action, saying that he's "heard" and "believes" that there are "78 to 81 members" of the democrat party in the U.S. House "that are members of the Communist Party."

In so doing, West ripped a putrid page from the playbook of disgraced gop-er senator Joseph McCarthy (pictured above) from more than a half-century ago -- the shameless right-wing nut who conducted a series of hearings, based upon little or no real evidence -- designed to "out" alleged American communists in the 1950s.

Now, are there plenty of far leftists in the U.S. House? Most def. But are all (or any, for that matter) of those idiots devout communists? Puh-lease. West's claim was so outlandlish that even the actual American communist party weighed in to object (second link below)! (You'd think said party would be embracing West's complete embellishment of the party's limited influence!).

So there you have it: My mandatory bi-weekly explanation of the big "X" that's struck through the names of both the democrat party and republic partisan party on the ballot at the top of this space. Even if it does apparently make me a racist communist over here.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0412/75025.html
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0412/75037.html

Smoke Stacked: Nicotine Fiend Air Passenger Allegedly Strips Down Buck Naked When Airport Makes Her Put Down Her Smokes in the Terminal!

I get the addictiveness of smoking cigarettes. Take away them smokes, and a person's liable to get rather antsy and sometimes just downright mad-dog mean. But this has gotta be the first time I've ever heard of someone putting on a makeshift striptease in response to losing her cancer sticks -- not to mention, doing so immediately after she'd just had a damn cigarette (allegedly)!

They say she suffered a "breakdown." It was the Denver Airport, and a young woman was just minding her own business, tokin' on a butt near her Gate. But that plan went up in smoke only too quickly, as damn pesky airport workers soon pounced and forced this puffin' passenger to put out that cigarette in the alleged "non-smoking area."

That's where the "breakdown" came in, say the cops. Forced to ditch her smokes, this butt-lovin' broad (as pictured above from TMZ.com) allegedly took to ditching all her stitches and britches, as cops say she broke into an impromptu exotic dance right there outside the Gate!

Faster than a hobo can ask for a light, this threadbare butt teaser was reportedly as naked as an off-brand cigarette carton and struttin' 'round the joint like some sort of underdone peeler. While still stark-naked, she even allegedly tried to obtain a new boarding pass up at the counter (bet she was probably just lookin' to upgrade to First Ass).

But party pooper cops quickly hammered in this little number's coffin nails -- covering up her leafless carcass and hauling it off to a local hospital (for some reason) for mental evaluation. And if I'm one of the shrinks down at that funny farm: First thing I'm doing is confiscating them smokes and just sitting back and enjoying the strip show, baby!

http://www.tmz.com/2012/04/10/woman-naked-denver-airport/#.T4TWIplYu68
http://kdvr.com/2012/04/10/woman-strips-naked-at-dia/
http://www.krdo.com/news/30869566/detail.html

Breastfeeding Your Brat Out in Public: OK. Breaking Into a Home to Breastfeed Someone Else's Kid (Allegedly): Not So OK...

This has to be a new one in the annals of American criminal conduct: Wet Nursing Without Consent (allegedly). But that's exactly what cops in Brookings, South Dakota say happened last weekend. And for some strange unknown reason, cops think alcohol just may have been involved...

The 24-year-old suspect allegedly got an early start on her Sunday breastfeeding, forcing her way into a another mom's home (a stranger) around 5:00 a.m. to give some suck to someone -- anyone, apparently. Cops say this lactating lush intruder promptly scooped up the resident mom's two-month-old tike and started to give the little shit a damn breastfeeding!

When mama discovered this sorry sight, she reportedly called 911 and retrieved her tot from the wayward breastfeeding boozer burgle broad (allegedly). But the gratuitous breastfeeding apparently left this uninvited topless toper tata-feeder quite exhausted, as the intruder allegedly laid down to take a freakin' nap right there in the joint instead of hoofin' her hooters out the scene of the alleged crime!

And there she laid as the cops arrived, who slapped the "rogue lactating lady" with a criminal charge of unlawful occupancy. I just hope that's a misdemeanor charge, since I'd assume that getting one's drink (and breast suck) on down at the hoosegow is somewhat frowned upon.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57411474/cops-s.d-woman-broke-into-home-attempted-to-breastfeed-strangers-baby/?tag=stack
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/09/woman-breastfeeds-baby-not-hers-south-dakota_n_1413066.html

You Hang in There -- And Don't Go Anywhere: Napping Nutjob Almost Takes a Five-Story Header from the Top of a Building in China!

I can see heading up to the roof of a building to catch a few afternoon rays and a few Z's at the same time. But notice I said on the ROOF: Not on the damn ledge surrounding the roof!

But no such overabundant caution, apparently, for 28-year-old female Yan Yan Ch'eng of the Zhejiang province in China last week (link at bottom). This yawnin' Yan Yan was reportedly so tuckered out that she saw fit to sprawl out on a roof ledge to take a little "nap in the sun."

Being as that she was asleep up there, however, Yan Yan was far more prone to pesky sleep-time behaviors, such as the unconscious rollover. Or, as the Daily Mail put it, she became "a little too relaxed in the midday sun [and] almost rolled off the ledge."

So as fast as one can say "WHOOPS" in Mandarin, this sleepy strange brew was hanging on for dear life from the top of that ledge. But "luckily for the Chinese sunbather," she was able to draw attention to her predicament by "wailing" up a big storm. (Not shouting or yelling, mind you, but "wailing").

Yan Yan's wails reportedly garnered the attention of hundreds of onlookers below, and cops and firemen weren't far behind to yank this Drowsy Daphne up to safety. Cops say her only injury was a skinned knee -- that, and her afternoon nap was positively ruined that day!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2122269/Chinese-girl-hangs-dear-life-slipping-ledge-sunbathed-floors-up.html

The $15.6 Trillion National Debt Is the Most Dire Issue Facing This Country, and Yet Obama Couldn't Care Less. Instead He Cares Most About...

...weighing in on and creating faux national issues out of such pressing matters as prophylactics, local open criminal files, and the policies of the Augusta National Golf Club (link at bottom) -- all as a part of his grand 2012 campaign strategy to divide and conquer the American electorate along racial, ethnic, gender and income "class" lines.

I really can understand people who can't bring themselves to vote for a gop-er (particularly in this year's weak-ass field) for president. Hell, I can only rarely (see 2010) bring myself to vote for one of those right-wing assclowns.

But what I can't get is how any person other than a brainwashed, non-thinking partisan zombie could ever possibly bring himself in 2012 to vote for the individual we currently have as president. He's that awful. The man is a walking Webster's Dictionary illustration for the term, P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C. He's one of the two absolute worst presidents of my lifetime, along with W Bush (and I was alive during Jimmy Damn Carter!).

Never forget: There are other options. Vote for a third party candidate as a protest vote, as I have in every presidential election in which I've voted after 1992.

Or hell, even: Stay home. I for one would rather hang out all day in an Alabama shithouse in early November than ever cast a vote for the individual we currently have as president. My only request would be for a big can of Febreze, if you please (both for said shithouse and for every time I have to listen to our current president's steady stream of horseshit).

http://dailycaller.com/2012/04/05/obama-intervenes-in-augusta-golf-dispute/

You Can Bang Me for a Burger: Florida Woman Allegedly Offers Up Sex to Undercover Cop In Exchange for a Few Dollar Menu Items from McDonald's!

She wasn't going to let him skate away cheaply. Cheap would've meant insisting upon no more than the "McDouble" from the value menu: Price one buck. But that just wasn't going to cut the mustard, since this alleged hooker wasn't gonna get jilted on that cheese: So she demanded the full-blown Double Cheeseburger -- two slices of cheese and all -- for $1.29! AND, she wanted TWO of them (allegedly)!

47-year-old Christine Baker (pictured above) was apparently one hungry Ho (allegedly). Cops in Florida say that when an undercover cop pulled up to Baker on Friday night and told her that he wanted "to f*ck" her, Baker was generally agreeable; however, that ass wasn't gonna come free!

So Baker allegedly made the cop pull through the nearest McDonald's drive through to order this burger broad a couple of Double Cheeseburgers (not "McDoubles," mind you, as referenced above). Total cost: $2.75 (nothing to cheese at).

Apparently not wanting to be seen as a cheap date (even if he was a narco), the cop also reportedly offered this famished fancy woman a couple of 20's as an optional "tip." Baker allegedly took the bills and the burgers and told the cop to meet her over in a parking lot to consummate the dirty deed (the one not involving the consumption of said burgers).

But before any pickle could be pulled, waiting cops minced the starving streetwalker's onions (allegedly) faster than a Quarter Pounder grill order holdin' the ketchup.

For her efforts, Baker got a ride to the hoosegow on a prostitution charge. At least this alleged cravin' call girl will get three hots and a cot down there.

http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/state/woman-snared-in-prostitution-sting-offered-sex-for-two-mcdonalds-cheeseburgers-deputies-say
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/prostitution/sex-for-cheeseburgers-749801

'Bout Time: Judge Takes Angry Obama to Task for His Stupid & Disturbing Statements Questioning Judicial Power to Find Obamacare Unconstitutional...

This Ragin' Independent criticizes Obama freely. Deranged right-winger pundits criticize him freely. [G]op-er politicians criticize him freely. But who the hell else ever does? And trust me, he needs and deserves it, as one of the two worst presidents (along with W Bush) of my lifetime and perhaps the most far left-wing president in American history. That's why I appreciated the linked story so much. To set it up...

On Monday, Obama took to the press to go on a dictator-reminiscent rant about the possibility of the U.S. Supreme Court finding to be unconstitutional the so-called "individual mandate" portion of the leftists' Obamacare monstrosity. During his diatribe, Obama nonsensically and disgustingly suggested that federal courts do not have power to review the constitutionality of federal (and state) statutes -- equating such an exercise of power with "judicial activism."

Never mind that the power of federal courts to review statutes for constitutionality has been established by over 200 years of precedent. Never mind that plenty of statutes that have been unpopular with leftist 20 percenters like Obama have been struck down over the years for being unconstitutional (were those instances of "judicial activism," too?). Never mind that I can never in my life recall a sitting president purporting to lecture the court system on its powers and what it "must" understand and do in a particular case. No lawyer in his right mind would ever do that in court or in a court filing. In short: Bully (and frankly, not so bright) Obama on full display.

But fast forward to yesterday in the (federal) Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals, where a separate lawsuit is also challenging the Obamacare law. One of the judges on that court, Jerry Smith (yes, appointed by a gop-er president), had taken notice of Obama's outlandish Monday remarks and took to task the purported former constitutional law professor Obama by grilling one of his DOJ attorneys (for whom I actually feel sorry) in open court. Please enjoy this as much as I did:

-Judge Smith: "Does the Department of Justice recognize that federal courts have the authority in appropriate circumstances to strike federal statutes because of one or more constitutional infirmities?"

-DOJ attorney Dana Kaersvang: "Yes, your honor. Of course, there would need to be a severability analysis, but yes."

-Judge Smith: "I'm referring to statements by the president in the past few days to the effect…that it is somehow inappropriate for what he termed 'unelected' judges to strike acts of Congress that have enjoyed — he was referring, of course, to Obamacare — what he termed broad consensus in majorities in both houses of Congress. That has troubled a number of people who have read it as somehow a challenge to the federal courts or to their authority or to the appropriateness of the concept of judicial review. And that's not a small matter. So I want to be sure that you're telling us that the attorney general and the Department of Justice do recognize the authority of the federal courts through unelected judges to strike acts of Congress or portions thereof in appropriate cases."

-Kaersvang: "Marbury v. Madison is the law, your honor, but it would not make sense in this circumstance to strike down this statute, because there’s no –"

-Judge Smith: "I would like to have from you by noon on Thursday…a letter stating what is the position of the attorney general and the Department of Justice, in regard to the recent statements by the president, stating specifically and in detail in reference to those statements what the authority is of the federal courts in this regard in terms of judicial review. That letter needs to be at least three pages single spaced, no less, and it needs to be specific. It needs to make specific reference to the president’s statements and again to the position of the attorney general and the Department of Justice."

OUCH-O-Bama!!! And I'd take special care not to double space them lines, if I was you, DOJ!

http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2012/04/03/dojs-homework-assignment-tell-fifth-circuit-whether-it-supports-judicial-review/

"How to Spot If Someone Is Lying to You? Just Ask Your Computer." But Sorry, I Don't Need Any Microchip or New Processor to Tell Me These Things...

I've got a real simple set of questions that will tell me -- typically to about a 99% degree of certitude -- whether something comin' outta someone's pie hole is an outright slimeball lie. Here are some basic questions to consider:

1. Does the person consider himself to be a member of the democrat party?

2. Does the person consider himself to be a member of the republic partisan party?

3. Does the person like to refer to himself as a "conservative," "liberal" or "progressive" (or, as I like to say, a deranged right-winger or loony leftist 20 percenter)?

4. Does the person call himself an "[i]ndependent" who actually claims the democrat party is too "moderate"?

5. Does the person call himself an "[i]ndependent" who actually claims the republic partisan party is too "moderate"?

6. Does the person actually maintain that the individual we currently have as a president is a "moderate"?

7. Does the person claim that Mitt Romney actually stands for anything?

8. Does the person claim that Newt Gingrich or Rick Santorum could actually ever be elected president (even if Jimmy Carter was the opponent)?

9. Does the person claim to know the facts of the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman tragedy and has therefore purportedly taken up a "side"?

10. Does the person maintain that every single thing a public or private sector union does is either (1) peaches 'n cream 24-7 or (2) more evil than a Hitler-Stalin love child?

I could go on, of course, but these 10 simple questions (if the answer is "YES" to any of them) will implicate and rein in most of the liars. Is it 100% foolproof? No. But like I said, give me about a 99% accuracy rate over here (as usual).

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2123262/How-spot-lying-Just-ask-computer.html

Now THIS Was a Hardcore Match! Alleged Burglar & Florida Restaurant Worker Go At It with a Full Panoply of Crazy Weapons!

This story reminded of something out of the old Extreme Championship Wrestling program. You'd have some hardcore wrestler like Original Gangsta New Jack (pictured at top) lug a big trash can full of makeshift weapons to the ring (staple guns, guitars, bed pans, cast-iron skillets, railroad spikes, etc., etc.) and promptly start beating the shit out of the hapless opponent with said foreign objects. But at least that was the 'rasslin' ring, not the damn oyster bar!

Cops in Daytona Beach say it all got flowin' around 5:20 a.m. one day last week, when Captain Steamer's Oyster Bar worker Anthony Brisbane happened upon a masked man -- identified as 29-year-old suspect Trevor Pufall (mugshot above) -- in the joint's kitchen.

Brisbane reportedly got the initial drop on the alleged burglar, wielding a giant sword at the startled slug faster than Butch Coolidge down at the pawn shop. But the sleazejob allegedly made a quick comeback, beating Brisbane about the head several times with a tire iron.

After a fight over control of the medieval sword then ensued, Brisbane reportedly grabbed hold of big beer bottle and bashed the bungling alleged burglar right in the head with it!

And for an encore, his big finish, the coup de grace, this handy oyster man Brisbane had one more deranged weapon in his arensal: A nice sharp screwdriver, which he reportedly used to walk the suspect Pufall outside -- at screwdriver point -- until cops arrived at the scene.

Now promoters may have to book Pufall's next hardcore match inside of a cell down at the local hoosegow, since he's been busted on burglary charges. Better sharpen up them shanks, scuzball!

http://www.wtsp.com/news/florida/article/247228/19/Worker-fights-off-burglar-with-sword-beer-bottle