They May Want to Change Horses in Midstream: Playboy's Barbi Twins Outraged at Obama & Others For Lifting of Horse Slaughter Ban...

I'd say former Playboy playmates Shane and Sia Barbi (apparently previous Obama supporters) backed the wrong horse in 2008 AD. The two self-styled horse advocates are making more noise than a gelding on the chopping block after Obama this week signed legislation lifting the 5-year ban on horse slaughter for meat.

These two bosomy buckaroos may look as healthy as a horse, but they were just champing at the bit this week to take to Twitter to blast Obama and Wyoming state lawmaker Sue Wallis (a leading supporting of lifting the ban) -- whom the Barbis refer to affectionately as "Slaughterhouse Sue." Their Tweet said:

"Obama screwed up & caved n 2 Slaughterhouse SueWallis. Many excuse Obama sayn he didn't know what he sign! He caved n 2 Slaughterhouse SueWallis the devil!"

These two buxom bronco broads also weren't holding their horses when it came to an e-mail they put out to stud this week: "While Obama was pardoning a turkey, he abandoned our horses," neighed the roughriding tandem. But by attacking the leftist 20 percenter Obama, might they just be looking a gift horse in the mouth?

Regardless, even more of this shapely pony pair's horsey ire seems directed at ol' Slaughterhouse Sue (pictured below), whom the Barbis describe as a "pro horse slaughter" gop-er politician. (Try running for office on that platform, BTW: "Send me to the statehouse, and I'll see to it that horses are butchered from one side of this state to the other, since I'm the only Pro-Horse Slaughter candidate in this race!").

The Barbis have apparently put Slaughterhouse's Sue personal phone number out there on the Net, imploring people to call the lawmaker and tell her to get off her high horse. "How lovely of them to blast my personal information to the world," whinnied Ms. Slaughterhouse in response. Better break out the riding crop.

Also straight from the horse's mouth, Slaughterhouse Sue says that before people kick up their heels at her too much, they should rest assured that she's "not out to hunt down every Mr. Ed in American farmhouses." (Wilbur Post and his voluptuous blonde bombshell wife Carol just snorted a huge collective sigh of relief).

Ms. Slaughterhouse also actually claims that allowing horse slaughter "improves horse welfare" by giving horse owners an outlet for selling off their old plugs instead of inhumanely "dumping them out in the desert." (And indeed, it is a load of my mind that when my mare Flossy gets old and worthless, I won't have to truck her from Missouri down to the Arizona desert after all).

When she's not being a republic partisan, Slaughterhouse Sue also heads an organization called "United Organizations of the Horse" (apparently having no connection to Duran Duran's "Union of the Snake"), which has been beating this issue like a dead horse for years with the Barbi twins.

Ms. Slaughterhouse's organization has even reportedly put the two chesty horse lovers on a "black list" of political opponents (presumably similar to the Obama and Nixon "enemies list"). And that's precisely what has to be done with people who disagree with you -- since, after all, while you can lead a horse to water, you damn sure can't make him drink.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1211/69542.html

"Fighting Is What Rednecks Do!" Man Allegedly Goes After His Son with a Shotgun, Then Tries to Escape Charges By Claiming He Was Just Being a Redneck!

I would call it "the ol' redneck defense," but frankly I've never heard of this one before. But something tells me it ain't gonna fly. It's basically akin to whacking somebody out and then claiming, "that's just what we killers do." Or maybe next we'll get an undertaker who sets fire to his wife but claims that "cremating people is just a part of the family business."

Regardless, this whole story (link at bottom) first got off to a shocking start when 43-year-old Mark Wach (pictured above) of Palm City, Florida started hitting the bottle at home and got all liquored up on alcohol (allegedly). Now let the gun play begin!

First off, Wach apparently had a big beef with the family lawnmower, since he pulled a pistol on the yard-grooming contraption and proceeded to shoot the hell out of it (allegedly). Next turning his attention to the living, Wach then allegedly took his sidearm and started up a row with his 18-year-old son.

Junior managed to wrestle the handgun away from Daddy, but Junior's old man was not about to be deterred. Not by a long shot. Wach next allegedly went and got a big shotgun and started going after Junior with that! But Junior somehow managed to also get the 12-gauge pump action shotgun away from Daddy Butter Fingers.

Left with only his fists to throw around at this point, Wach allegedly started scuffling with Junior right out in the front yard. (No word whether the lawnmower played any role in the impromptu hardcore match).

When cops arrived, Wach was apparently in no mood to have to wait for his next fight. When Wach refused to stop fighting (allegedly), cops shocked his redneck ass with a 50,000 volt stun gun! End of incident, right? Wrong.

This fightin' lawn pugilist wasn't gonna let some itty bitty stun gun blast stop him! He allegedly managed to keep up the fight with Junior until cops had tased him three damn times just to get the old man off the kid.

As the cops cuffed him and stuffed him, Wach reportedly questioned what it was he did that was so wrong and that deserved a trip to the hoosegow: "Fighting is what redneck people do," Wach allegedly pleaded with the officers. And that wasn't his only defense.

As for the gun play, Wach reportedly explained to officers that "I shoots in the yard all the time." If only the Son of Sam had thought of that one ("No one ever complained before when I rubbed someone out!").

Now Wach may have to exchange his guns for a shank when his next fight time rolls around, since cops threw his ass in the can and charged Wach with domestic battery and aggravated domestic assault with a firearm. But that's only if the prosecutor can manage to overcome that shrewd redneck defense.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/11/28/UPI-NewsTrack-Quirks-in-the-News/UPI-46711322519400/?spt=hs&or=on

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2067346/Mark-Wach-told-police-Fighting-rednecks-do.html

"You're Old Enough to Kill, But Not For Votin' ": Idiot gop-er Presidential Candidate Rick Perry Doesn't Even Know the U.S. Voting Age!

Someone should stick this deranged right-winger republic partisan in an H.G. Wells time machine and transport his sorry ass back to 1968 AD, since I think he'd fit right in with those times as a part of the Nixon team. (The individual we currently have as president and his very Nixonian administration would fit in well there too, but that's a topic for another day...)

In particular, the news this mid-week has Rick Perry flubbing the U.S. voting age (not to mention the 2012 AD election date), as he told an audience of Gen Y punks that "he'd appreciate their vote if they were turning 21 by November 12." Must've woken up on the wrong side of the Texas shithouse, this Perry.

His Joe Biden/Herman Cain-style gaffe conjures up images of Barry McGuire's rather pedestrian '60s AD protest tune, "Eve of Destruction" (video at bottom), and its famous line about kids then being "old enough to kill but not for votin'."

The line referred to the patently absurd state of the law in the mid-to-late '60s AD, when an 18, 19 or 20-year-old could be drafted (or enlist) to "go and kill the yellow man" (Springsteen) in Vietnam while not being permitted to vote until the age of 21.

The 26th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution changed all that in 1971 AD by bestowing 18-year-olds with a constitutional right to vote. To this day, however, 18-year-olds in most or all states are still old enough to go kill in some foreign hellhole but are forbade by law from drinking so much as a damn Keystone Ice. The mindlessness of such a complete legal contradiction nearly rivals the ridiculousness of the pre-1971 AD voting age.

But of course, all of these various facts are completely lost on the goofy Texas governor Perry. He truly is little more than smart enough to talk, but not for completin' (coherent sentences). And that's only when he can remember what he believes in. Which is no guarantee or small potatoes for this fool.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2011/11/29/perry-flubs-u-s-voting-age/

Love in a Mausoleum? I'd Prefer an Elevator, and What Gives with Hitting a Graveyard For a Weekend-Long Date?!?

I guess the funeral parlor was all booked up that weekend. Because why else would Ryan Gosling take his "Hollywood lovebird" Eva Mendes to "spend a romantic weekend in a graveyard"?!? It was the world-famous Pere Lachaise Cemetery in Paris (reportedly the final resting spot for the likes of such people as rocker Jim Morrison as well as Oscar Wilde), but does that really make any difference? It's still a damn graveyard.

And unless you're conducting full-blown genealogical research, what the hell do you do all weekend in a graveyard, anyway? "Oh look, dear -- what a truly lovely sarcophagus, and just get a load of the finish on that quaint little crypt over there!" I mean, even that sort of foolishness is going to kill, what? 15-20 minutes tops?

I guess one thing that might take a little longer than that (maybe) would be a little boot hill booty. A little graveyard love. Cemetery sex, baby! But while I've heard of such a thing going down in the dead of night on top of a grave or a nice long cool marble stone, never before had I heard of (or even contemplated) doin' it inside a mausoleum in broad daylight!

It's not known whether Gosling and Mendes went quite that far, but one thing is clear: They did at one point "duck into a family vault for some couple time," reportedly (picture above). I guess in addition to the funeral parlor, the Ritz had no vacancies either.

And besides, what's a few creepy vaults and a dingy old burial chamber between a couple of lovers, right? Personally, I'd just want a decent shithouse in there so that I could freshen up after the deed. Do they have such facilities inside mausoleums? Always kinda wondered about that. What about a kitchenette? If so, you got me at hello. And you don't even have to look like Eva.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/international/loves_her_to_death_CiA7RSrvCFlGBlyFr4JQNI

At Occupy Wall Street, We've Seen: Filth; Crime; Disease; Loons; Kooks; Bums; Violence; & Anti-Semitism. But Now the Topper : "Gay Porn Video Shoot"!

Just when one might have thought he'd seen it all when it comes the leftist 20 percenter gatherings referred to by some as "occupy protests," the news comes down over the Thanksgiving weekend that the Oakland version of the encampments has added a new filthy feather to the stinky carcass that has come the symbolize modern left-wing America and the democrat party that it props up: A tent devoted to filming gay porn!

And we ain't talking some rather beautiful lesbian porn over here. No Sir-eee. This be the male-on-male hardcore variety, produced by an outfit called "Dirty Boy Video." Working title for the first film? Occupy My Throat, reportedly. And just get a load (no pun intended) of the film's tagline: "Police can ban the erection of tents at Occupy Wall Street, but they can't keep us from pitching a tent in our pants."

Now that the first title, Occupy My Throat, is apparently in the can, and given the propensity of the porn industry for always producing myriad sequels and take-offs of every single lame-ass porn idea and title, I've little doubt that Occupy My Throat is only the beginning. I'm just wondering how long it's gonna take for Dirty Boy Video to produce some of these titles down in a tent in the middle of the whackos:

-Anarchy in the Tube Steak

-Book Me Good with Your Billy Club, Officer

-Give that Banker the Wanker!

-Hobo With a Lovegun

-I'm So Hungry I Could Eat a Sandusky Summer Sausage

-Kookie Lefty, Lend Me Your Condom

-Liberal Hop on Top

-Long Dong Leftist

-Meat & Greet at the Pipefitters Local

-MoveOn Over Here Man & Wave Your Magic Wand

-No Riches, No Britches, No Bitches

-Protest My Power Drill

-Ron Jeremy Shows Michael Moore Who's Fat

-Rude Rod Rammin' on the Rubbish Pile

-Skin Flute Solidarity

-Socialist Schlong Song

-Tent Totin' Tallywhacker

-Tentside Tussle with Russell the Love Muscle

-There's Something Happening Here In My Ass

-We Got the Shaft Down on Ball Street

-Wee Wee Are the 99%

-Zuccotti Pork Sword


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/23/occupy-oakland-gay-porn-_n_1110985.html

Pulling Out of Congress But Pushing Into Porn? Disgraced Politician Anthony's Weiner Spotted with Cheesy Porn Mustache in the Big Apple This Weekend

We wondered about this. Earlier this year, when democrat party U.S. congressman Anthony's Weiner was getting shredded through the meat grinder for tweeting out pictures of his package to young ladies not his wife, it was widely surmised that Weiner might stick it out in Congress since, frankly, he's really not qualified to do much of anything else.

It was even speculated in this space that Anthony's Weiner might have to shrink to the level of embarking upon a porn career -- perhaps with sexy wife and Hillary Clinton gofer Huma's Weiner in tow -- just for his meat to make ends meet. This stiff suggestion was largely in jest at the time, but maybe I should have taken it more seriously, since Anthony's Weiner is really starting to look the part:

As pictured at the top, the disgraced former leftist congressional hothead was spotted strutting around lower Manhattan on Black Friday sporting a bona fide cheesy porn 'stache "reminiscent of the one made infamous by adult-film legend John 'Johnny Wadd' Holmes [pictured below] in the XXX-rated 1970s." (Link to full New York Post story at bottom).

And before I need to hear any democrat party spin that Anthony's Weiner probably just resolved not to shave over the holiday weekend, Weiner's new "Johnny Wadd" private dick persona is particularly startling since the photos from his Twitter scandal "revealed that he's not a fan of hair anywhere on his body."

So given that dude apparently loves his razor even more than a Nancy Pelosi earmark, why in the hell would Anthony's Weiner be tooling 'round town looking like John Holmes' ghost if he wasn't about to insert Anthony's Weiner into the porn realm?

I just hope it's the straight game that Weiner has his one eye on, and that he's not looking to head down to the "occupy wall street" protests to get in on some of the gay porn that's reportedly been going down (in more ways than one) in one of the tents. (Yep, sad but true -- but that's tomorrow's post.) Please Weiner: If that tent be a rockin'...

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/queens/weiner_rated_stache_h16WPFjwd5dQnTTauwSqOM

"Obama: Let's Overcome Partisan Gridlock." Meantime, Count Dracula: "Let's Rise Above Indiscriminate Blood-Sucking"...

Far from its moniker of "Black Friday," yesterday was more like Gray Friday, with cloudy skies, a cold wind, and an overall gloomy disposition. And for that reason, I'd like to thank the individual we currently have as president for at least making me break out in laughter when I saw that the theme of his so-called Thanksgiving address was "Let's Overcome Partisan Gridlock."

I'm just surprised he didn't toss in, for good measure, a gratuitous, "Let's Grow Beyond Being Radical Partisan Ideologues," while he was at it. And then maybe, as well, "Let's Get Past Politics and Campaigns Dictating Every Single Action We Take." Shit, he would have been on a damn roll at that point! But alas, my prior invitations to this white house to add me as a consultant to their speech writing team have yet to garner even a polite declination. Their loss.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2011/11/24/obama-lets-overcome-partisan-gridlock/

Just Think: When Her 51-Year-Old Hubby is 75, His 17-Year-Old Bride's Face May Look Something Like ... 110!!!

And then they'll be asking his sorry old hide, "Why'd you ever marry that old prune?" It's the highly controversial couple up close and personal: 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchinson and his 17-year-old teen bride, Courtney Stodden. 17, uh? More like 17 going on 40, and I ain't even talking about her big (alleged) fake rack!

The current set of pics comes from the alleged 17-year-old "stepping out" this week in a "tight white top which showed off her large chest" as she joined her old man (literally) "to take sacks of clothing to a donation center." [Kudos to the cool charity work, all kidding aside.]

But it wasn't all just charitable business over there, as the young Courtney was observed to make damn sure she "ensured she flashed her famous chest in the tiny white boob tube." And since this gal ain't even technically of age (allegedly), I gots no comment on the merits of any of that.

However, the main issue I spotted here was that face. Sure, looks great, very pretty. But if Courtney's truly only 17, what gives with the New Jersey Sopranos, late-30's trying to look like she's still young, gun moll look? Last time I saw a face like that, Silvio Dante was trying to whack it out in the Rancocas Woods off the Turnpike. And now we don't talk about Adriana no more. Jeezal peezal.

And just think what that alleged teenage mush is gonna look like when she's really 35 or 40? Or, dare I ask, 50 even? She may at that point make her old man look like a damn spring chicken who's still a fuzzy shade a' yella.

Tell me now: Who really got the short end of this alleged May-September romance? Only Courtney turning 60 (errr, 35) will bring an answer to that particularly sordid question, methinks.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2064492/Courtney-Stodden-pours-curves-tiny-white-donates-old-clothes-charity-anybody-prepared-wear-outfits.html
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2011/11/17/stodden-style-courtney-dishes-on-her-favorite-looks/

Happy Turkey Day! Don't Forget to Give Thanks for All Life's Blessings, Big and Small...

...and be sure to grab yourself a nice big piece of breast.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanksgiving
http://www.holytaco.com/25-babes-kitchen/

She Was as Cool as a F*cked Up Little Fonzie: "Drunk Motorist Poses for Mugshot with Two Thumps Up" After Allegedly Going Berzerk in Attack on Cops!

Maybe Samuel L. Jackson's hitman character from Pulp Fiction got to her or something and said "bitch chill, or else I'll whack ya out!" But regardless of what it was, something transformed this bombed broad from a wild-ass fuzz-buster into a cool little Fonzie wannabe inside of a very short period of time (allegedly). Maybe the cops just gave her another drink?

Anyway, it all started when 24-year-old Michelle Watson of Prescott, Arizona was allegedly driving her old heap down the road whilst plastered to the tune of three times the legal limit -- typically a recipe for unhappy endings. And sure enough, Watson allegedly started swerving all over road, driving up on sidewalks, and taking out or bouncing off "numerous curbs" as she sloshed her way merrily along.

And when the cops dared to pull her wasted ass over, the fun really got rolling! First, Watson allegedly started cursing up a storm, unleashing "an outburst of profane language": "I don't have to walk fucking nowhere," Watson allegedly blasted at the cops.

Watson next allegedly refused to take any form of sobriety test and proceeded to go apeshit on the cops, "shoving" one of them and kneeing a second one right in the crotch when he tried to slap the ol' cuffs on this blitzed babe -- as she all the while continued to let the expletives fly! Not cool.

When finally cuffed following the scuffle, Watson reportedly continued to cuss the cops and forced them to physically carry her to the police cruiser, which she then allegedly proceeded to kick the hell out of once she was deposited inside.

Miraculously, however, "her mood appears to have brightened" during the time it took cops to haul this liquored-up lush (allegedly) down to the local hoosegow for booking.

There, Watson was reportedly able to shake off the effects of her drunken haze (allegedly) long enough to "cheerfully pose for a mughsot with two thumbs up and a winning smile," as pictured above. You'd think she'd just scored a free case of Keystone Ice right there in the can!

No word whether Watson was still laughing and posing once cops next slapped her pickled, grinnin' kisser with charges of resisting arrest and aggravated assault on a cop, not to mention the seemingly novel charge of "super extreme DUI." Maybe it was that sad, funny charge, in particular, that met with so much exuberant approval from this youthful boozer (allegedly)? Two thumbs up-worth, apparently.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/dui-super-extreme-suspect-flashes-thumbs-smile-mugshot-article-1.981245?localLinksEnabled=false
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/happy-drunk-mug-shot-654891
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2064585/Michelle-Watson-gives-2-thumbs-mugshot-shes-charged-assault.html

New Studies: "Living in a City Makes You Fat, Infertile, Blind, Depressed & Even Causes Cancer." Well at Least I'm Cancer-Free, Baby!

Looks like I picked the wrong week to pitch a tent down at my local urban "occupy protest." Because according to a slew of new studies from America, Britain and Spain, I'd be well-advised to get the hell out of Cowtown and see if I can finagle one more road trip outta my '79 Dodge Ram and take up residence outside Hartsburg, Missouri, in the proverbial van down by the river.

According to the new studies, "urban living carries a significantly increased risk of chronic health disorders, such as [1] mental illness [well, yeah], [2] immune diseases [what are those, and does gout count?] , [3] arthritis [does that account for an incessant shaking of the hands?] , [4] heart disease [one too many White Castles] , [5] cancer [see above], and [6] fertility problems [how the hell would I know?]." So, if I can verifiably scratch two, maybe three, calamities from that checklist, can I just call load of bunk on these studies?

Plus, the terms "mental illness" runs a pretty wide gamut. What the hell precisely are they speaking of? Well, the British study first reports that men in cities have a higher "incidence of schizophrenia." On that front, let's see: Regular life. Internet character. Nope, no schizophrenia here. Oh, hello schizophrenia.

Regardless, the same study also points to a higher occurrence in city dwellers of such mental disorders as "panic attacks, extreme phobias and obsessive-compulsiveness." Here again for me, we're talking a truly mixed bag: I have no such attacks except when I become panicked, have no such phobias except when I'm forced to leave the first floor, and have no such obsessiveness except when a breast or ass foists itself into my daily dalliances.

All of those things are beyond my control, of course. And although the studies also reference increased eating disorders amongst urban acolytes, I'm like Tony Montana over here: I never overeat, even when I pig out.

Meantime the new studies blame many culprits, such as a more frantic pace of life, for the tougher toll taken by city life. One further culprit is described as "heaving High Street shops." And while I've no clue what that means, I have been known to heave behind a Westport Road "shop" or two. But never in daylight, and never that I can remember for sure.

Finally, the linked story actually twice poses the question of whether cities should now come equipped with health warning labels, like some sort of drug or dangerous piece of machinery. I say go for it: Tack up a warning sign on every corner, lamppost and building in town. That would be sure to create some new shovel-ready government jobs and also give the garbage men something to clean up in case the occupiers ever go away.

http://zeenews.india.com/entertainment/and-more/living-in-city-can-take-a-toll-on-health_100660.htm
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2064106/Why-living-city-makes-fat-infertile-blind-depressed-causes-cancer.html

The Campus Slut, Literally: High School Teacher Banned from Class After Allegedly "Running Porn Site MySluttyTeacher.com From School Computer"!

"Hey Teach, can you come over and help me invert my fractions," little Timmy said during class to his female teacher. But Teach told him to hold his damn horses over there: "Give me a minute, already, Timmy -- I still gots ten more pics to upload to my slutty teacher porn site, then I'll help you. The Net's real slow today." Good Grief...

And even if that precise conversation never occurred, officials at Lincoln High School in Stockton, California say the pictured 35-year-old Teach -- Heidi Kaeslin -- did operate a whole slew of porn websites from her school computer, including the appropriately titled MySluttyTeacher.com. (Links to full story at bottom).

Apparently the pickings were a bit slim in terms of available porn models, however, since Ms. Kaeslin resorted to plastering her own slutty photos all over the website (allegedly), as shown above and below.

But now this alleged shapely slut's moonlighting has reportedly come to climatic end like so many porn money shots, as the school has banned the alleged slutpuppy from the classroom and placed her on leave while her alleged "porn ring" is fully investigated.

One student's reaction to the news was to say, "Ignorant people will do ignorant things," although it's not entirely clear if he was referring to Teach's actions or the school's rather rash action of barring the sexy slut (allegedly) from the premises.

Another male student said he had a chance to take a gander at MySluttyTeacher.com, which he says set forth the following enticement on its main page to teenage punks everywhere: "Have you seen your teacher's breasts before? Well now you can see them!"

Meantime Teach's ultimate fate will be determined at the end of the school's ongoing investigation, which is reportedly focusing on whether she violated the school ethics code by running MySluttyTeacher.com from her classroom (allegedly).

And since I doubt the ol' ethics code has a specific provision stating "You shall not create and operate a porn site from your classroom desk," maybe this alleged sonsy slut actually has a defense in the form of "You never said I couldn't"?!? Although frankly, I see that one getting about as much traction as MySluttyTeacher.com did.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/18/heidi-kaeslin-teacher-porn-site_n_1100513.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2063034/Teacher-35-barred-class-running-porn-site-mysluttyteacher-com-school-computer.html