I guess the funeral parlor was all booked up that weekend. Because why else would Ryan Gosling take his "Hollywood lovebird" Eva Mendes to "spend a romantic weekend in a graveyard"?!? It was the world-famous Pere Lachaise Cemetery in Paris (reportedly the final resting spot for the likes of such people as rocker Jim Morrison as well as Oscar Wilde), but does that really make any difference? It's still a damn graveyard.And unless you're conducting full-blown genealogical research, what the hell do you do all weekend in a graveyard, anyway? "Oh look, dear -- what a truly lovely sarcophagus, and just get a load of the finish on that quaint little crypt over there!" I mean, even that sort of foolishness is going to kill, what? 15-20 minutes tops?
I guess one thing that might take a little longer than that (maybe) would be a little boot hill booty. A little graveyard love. Cemetery sex, baby! But while I've heard of such a thing going down in the dead of night on top of a grave or a nice long cool marble stone, never before had I heard of (or even contemplated) doin' it inside a mausoleum in broad daylight!It's not known whether Gosling and Mendes went quite that far, but one thing is clear: They did at one point "duck into a family vault for some couple time," reportedly (picture above). I guess in addition to the funeral parlor, the Ritz had no vacancies either.
And besides, what's a few creepy vaults and a dingy old burial chamber between a couple of lovers, right? Personally, I'd just want a decent shithouse in there so that I could freshen up after the deed. Do they have such facilities inside mausoleums? Always kinda wondered about that. What about a kitchenette? If so, you got me at hello. And you don't even have to look like Eva.http://www.nypost.com/p/news/international/loves_her_to_death_CiA7RSrvCFlGBlyFr4JQNI
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I totally have a crush on Eva Mendes, I think she's gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can be the next one to take her into a mausoleum for a little stone cold lovin'.
ReplyDeleteNah, that would just be creepy! ha!
ReplyDeleteBut maybe not so much if they have a bed, a kitchenette and shithouse in there. I wasn't joking when I said I've often wondered what all they have inside those mausoleums, especially the big huge ones. They must have some facilities and/or amenities inside those big ones?
ReplyDeleteWell, it sounds like we need to investigate a mausoleum....we won't know what all's in there until we just check it out, right?! =)
ReplyDeleteI should connect with some of those Urban Explorer freaks, because they'd be able to get into one. But typically, I'd assume, those babies are locked with a 2-ton stone door in place even if someone jimmies the lock. But if we can ever acquire access, I'd be excited to explore a giant mausoleum with you, Willow.
ReplyDeleteIf we can ever acquire access, I'm with ya, Rager!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if one could pull a con on the graveyard keeper or grave digger or whatever he's called. Tell him I've been retained to tidy up the shithouse in one of the mausoleums in advance of the family's visit the following weekend. Of course, that would only get me to the door. I'd still need some kind of skid steer or jackhammer, in all likelihood, to get that big stone door open.
ReplyDeleteWe could always dig a tunnel underground and come up through the floor =) We'll keep brainstorming!
ReplyDeleteBut those joints are straight marble, wall to wall, meaning at least 14 inches of stone even from underneath. That description even makes John Holmes feel inadequate over in his mausoleum.
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