Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Love in a Mausoleum? I'd Prefer an Elevator, and What Gives with Hitting a Graveyard For a Weekend-Long Date?!?
I guess the funeral parlor was all booked up that weekend. Because why else would Ryan Gosling take his "Hollywood lovebird" Eva Mendes to "spend a romantic weekend in a graveyard"?!? It was the world-famous Pere Lachaise Cemetery in Paris (reportedly the final resting spot for the likes of such people as rocker Jim Morrison as well as Oscar Wilde), but does that really make any difference? It's still a damn graveyard.
And unless you're conducting full-blown genealogical research, what the hell do you do all weekend in a graveyard, anyway? "Oh look, dear -- what a truly lovely sarcophagus, and just get a load of the finish on that quaint little crypt over there!" I mean, even that sort of foolishness is going to kill, what? 15-20 minutes tops?
I guess one thing that might take a little longer than that (maybe) would be a little boot hill booty. A little graveyard love. Cemetery sex, baby! But while I've heard of such a thing going down in the dead of night on top of a grave or a nice long cool marble stone, never before had I heard of (or even contemplated) doin' it inside a mausoleum in broad daylight!
It's not known whether Gosling and Mendes went quite that far, but one thing is clear: They did at one point "duck into a family vault for some couple time," reportedly (picture above). I guess in addition to the funeral parlor, the Ritz had no vacancies either.
And besides, what's a few creepy vaults and a dingy old burial chamber between a couple of lovers, right? Personally, I'd just want a decent shithouse in there so that I could freshen up after the deed. Do they have such facilities inside mausoleums? Always kinda wondered about that. What about a kitchenette? If so, you got me at hello. And you don't even have to look like Eva.