Did 45-Year-Old Charlie Sheen Knock Up His 22-Year-Old Porn Pal Princess, Kacey Jordan???

Kacey says that Charlie's not the daddy, but how weird is it that the porn star Jordan is now "preggers" immediately following Sheen's now-notorious 36-hour "sex, drugs and booze" bender in which Jordan admits to having sex with Sheen? (Link to full story at bottom).

So it's just a big coincidence that she happened to have sex with Sheen last month? OK, I guess, if you say so. But methinks something may be rotten in Denmark.

The only thing uglier about this story than the completely unplanned pregnancy of this very young lady is the fact that Jordan is receiving death threats from anti-abortion radicals "since hinting that she might abort the pregnancy."

"I'm getting a lot of anti-abortion people who are saying they want to kill me," said Jordan. "I’m getting threats, people calling me a murderer."

How nice. People who (whether rightly or wrongly) think abortion is murder turning around and threatening to murder someone who may have an abortion. Twisted, sick, fanatical stuff.

Jordan also says that "people are saying, 'her and Charlie would create the worst child ever.' " Well, let's see:

The seed of (1) a drug-addicted, has-been big screen actor obsessed with banging porn babes less than half his age and (2) a dame who broke into the porn world just as quickly as she legally could upon turning 18. The worst set of parents ever – THAT I could agree with.

Jordan's quotes also seem to indicate that the same people threatening to murder her if she has an abortion are also the ones hanging "the worst child ever" label. Now that really makes a lot of sense! But if you're looking for logic and reason in 2011 America and Planet Earth, you better look elsewhere.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/charlie_porn_pal_preggers_iozZYhPMr7Fsu0oieafz3L

Happy Valentine's Day, Indeed: A Rather Harsh Indictment in Texas as Beauty Pageant Winner Is Stripped of Her Crown For "Eating One Too Many Tacos"!

I first noticed this story on an "O'Reilly Factor" segment late last week involving Gretchen Carlson (a former Miss America, VERY ironically) and another woman (I believe named Margaret Hoover). The rather testy segment had the two women largely refusing to answer the following hypothetical question from O'Reilly: If 17-year-old Domonique Ramirez (the previously crowned Miss San Antonio) was in fact stripped of her crown for eating too much, then would that be wrong?

The two women basically refused to accept the premise of the question, arguing that there was no way that Ramirez's post-pageant weight gain had played any part whatsoever in the Brexar County Pageant Board's recent decision to strip Ramirez of her crown. Rather, they maintained, she was stripped of the crown only because she was late and/or had failed to appear at a few of the required post-pageant events.

Well, the linked story from KTLA.com would seem to suggest that Carlson and Hoover – like O'Reilly himself so much of the time – were completely full of uniformed hot air. KTLA's story makes very clear to me that Ramirez's dietary choices and weight gain were most certainly very large factors – if not the overriding factor – in the Board's decision to give Ramirez her ouster.

KTLA reports that two factors contributing to the Board's decision were the fact that Ramirez "ate one too many tacos" and "was late." Specifically, in defense of its decision, the Board "is charging Ramirez with 'gaining excessive weight,' showing up late to official events, and insubordination."

Heck, a spokesperson for the pageant even admits to complaining to Ramirez about her post-pageant diet and weight gain! Said pageant spokesperson Linda Woods: "I said you know, 'Get off the tacos, get off the chips and the soda.' Because she's 17, and that’s what these kids eat." So her weight played no factor? Please.

Ramirez for her part says that the allegations of lateness and insubordination are false, and she's filed a lawsuit to keep her crown and she's already secured a temporary restraining order pending a hearing later this week.

And as to the alleged weight gain, it's not as if Ramirez has suddenly ballooned into Fat Albert or something. She says she's currently 5'8, weighs 129 pounds, and is a size 2.

Finally, unlike Carlson and Hoover, I have no problem speaking on the issue of whether canning a beauty pageant winner for post-pageant weight gain is wrong. It is not only wrong, it's despicable. These pageants are supposed to be about a whole lot more than just physical appearance and beauty. They are supposed to entail heavy components of talent, intelligence, ability to speak on one's feet, and academic achievement.

To the extent that weight gain played any part in the Board's decision here (and it definitely appears that it did), the Board should be ashamed of itself. And if you don't like that opinion, go watch the "O'Reilly Factor," where they would apparently rather mealy-mouth the whole issue.

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-beauty-queen-too-many-tacos,0,4239653.story

Just Look at This Monstrosity. But I Think I Can Eat It in One Sitting. And If So, I’ll Be Famous!

They call it the "Stellanator Challenge," and although many have accepted, no one has ever beaten it. You have to eat the above-pictured mastodon of a cheeseburger – plus a basket of fries for good measure – within 45 minutes. And no crapper breaks allowed! (Links to full story at bottom).

The Challenge

More than 60 people have previously taken the Stellanator Challenge at Stella's Bar and Grill in Bellevue, Nebraska (just outside of Omaha). All have failed, according to the hottie owner of the joint, Stephanie Francois (also pictured above). And if you fail, they splash your picture on a giant "Wall of Shame" just to rub it in. Check out the list of ingredients on this foot-high heart attack waiting to happen – this Leaning Tower of Lard:

-6 hamburger patties (and big ones)
-6 fried eggs
-12 pieces of bacon
-6 slices of cheese
-Fried onions (and lots of 'em)
-Lettuce
-Tomatoes
-Pickles

But that ain't it! Not by a longshot. They also bury within the burger a couple of spoiler ingredients just to try to throw you off and slow you down: Jalapenos and peanut butter! Why don't they just toss some castor oil into the mix why they're at it?

Those two rotten toppings are apparently emphasized towards the very bottom of the "burger" so that they are one of the last things you would have to endure on your way to the finish line. Kind of like the Village of the Crazies from Gymkata.

And they've got some special rules for this crazy culinary event that also make this one tough challenge. Not only are you limited to 45 minutes, and not only are bathroom breaks forbidden: If you get done with the challenge early, you have to sit there and wait until the full 45 minutes have expired before you can hit the $hithouse.

Otherwise, you lose. And oh yeah – don't forget to sign that liability waiver before you get started, either. It's required (as pictured above). After all, what burger joint wants to be financially responsible for customers dropping dead during regular business hours right there in the dining room?

People who have taken the Stellanator Challenge reportedly tend to be very gung-ho when they first walk in the establishment's front door. But that usually changes before the damn challenge even gets underway. According to the linked story, upon seeing the gigantic burger, contestants "almost immediately realize they had bit off more than they could chew."

The Acceptance

But here it is: I think I could eat that thing in 45 minutes (and maybe even have 10 or 15 minutes to spare). I really do. I mean, just take a gander at all of those onions draping off the thing like tinsel on a Christmas tree. That so reminds me of my own Slimeball Sandwiches that I’ve been shoving into my piehole by the half dozen ever since college.

Just give me a day or so to fast before I get started, and maybe a few days before that to practice with a few bags full of Wendy’s Triples. I might even try smoking the first Doobie of my life right before the job, just to work up a full-on case of the Munchies.

Not only is the Stellanator not overly intimidating to me – as a matter of fact, I wish I had one in front of me right now so that I could start chowing down just for the heck of it. All of this talk about that burger has rendered me famished, and that thing looks delicious!

I could be up there to Bellevue in less than three hours' drive. But should I only order one, or maybe two or three? I want to be full when I’m done, after all.

BTW, I love jalapenos and peanut butter too. So bring it on, baby! No one, and I do mean no one, is going to stick my pretty mug on some damn Wall of Shame. Mark it down. Make book on it. Take it to the bank. And while you're at it, Stephie, stick all of that in little your Wall of Shame and smoke it.

And not only that -- I'm also going to go W Bush on your little contest: Before I even start eating, I'm going to tack up a big banner behind me that reads, "Mission Accomplished!" When I sign that waiver, I'm going to use a different pen for every letter of my name – just like Obama signing a health care bill. Then when things get rolling, I may even self-impose a 30-minute time limit.

I'm even going to bring along a little midget to sell hats and T-Shirts while I'm doing this piece of work. Bottom line: I'm going to be primpin' and posing like Lindsay Lohan after a jewel heist. And I may need some entrance music.

Yep, I'm going to be famous. Bigger than U.S. Steel. The Ayatollah of Stellanollah. The very first person to beat the Stellanator Challenge. I'm going to be like Charlie Sheen – they're gonna put me in the movies. The task is simple: Eat a bunch of food very quickly. For me, that means "all I gotta do is, act naturally," as they say.

http://www.ketv.com/r/26736841/detail.html
http://www.ketv.com/r/26759691/detail.html

Pop Culture Dementia: I Want to Dress Just Like a Drug-Addicted Train Wreck & Accused Jewel Thief!

It's cool to laugh at and make fun of pop culture freaks, but if you obsess on trying to be like one of them, then you are truly demented. Especially if the "star" that you're trying to emulate is a drug addict who was just accused of pulling a felony jewel heist.

And so it is that the white minidress that Lindsay Lohan wore to court this week has become the new "must get" fashion garment for female fools (errr, "fashionistas") everywhere. (Links to full story at bottom).

Lohan wore the tight minidress this week as she pleaded not guilty to the jewel heist charges in an L.A. courtroom. Lohan's eye-popping duds retail for $575 – a Kimberly Ovitz-designed "Glavis Albino" minidress. And deranged Lohan wannabes, in a few short days, have reportedly snapped up every last one of these dresses from the Internet and stores nationwide. Sick.

What's more, the sicko pretenders who weren't so lucky to get one of the dresses have being creating a "frenzy" around the Ovitz sales office, flooding the office with phone calls seeking one of the dresses. Only about 1,000 of these dresses were made, but Ovitz is now reportedly considering a "second manufacturing" of the style. Gee, ya think?

Regardless, I do readily admit that Lohan looks great in the minidress (even if it was certainly an inappropriate piece of attire to sport at a felony arraignment). As a matter of fact, that's the best I've seen her look since, well, maybe ever. Nice rack. I guess if she's bound and determined to go down in flames, she might as well be on fire during the process.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41531239/ns/today-today_fashion_and_beauty/#
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/02/lindsay-lohan-case-authorities-looking-at-earlier-incident-at-jewelry-store-possible-motive.html

A Snowball's Trip Through Hell: "Three Stooges" Allegedly Go "Postal" on Mailman, Ambushing Him with a Blizzard of Snowballs & Fists!

It's enough that the mailman has to deal with icy sidewalks and driveways in the winter, but then pile on top of that three "ice-cold punks" who "pummel him senseless" under an ice storm of fisticuffs and snowballs (allegedly).

Cops in the Big Apple say that was the recent fate of mailman Russell Bumpurs at the snowball-chucking hands of three teenagers (one pictured immediately above; link to full story at bottom).

The mailman was just going about his usual business in the middle of the afternoon when he says "the kids started zinging him with the snowballs as he delivered the mail." Although he yelled at the "three stooges" to "cease fire," they only upped their glacial and facial attack (allegedly) by "pounding him with lefts and rights to the body and head."

Witnesses who saw the meltdown called 911, which resulted in the cops reportedly catching these alleged cold-hearted hoodlums right in the middle of their little cold war on the mailman.

They've been charged with criminal possession of a weapon – the said snowballs – as well as with assault, harassment and menacing. "Maybe these punks will be getting their mail in jail," one of the cops actually spouted to the New York Post!

In addition to the "ice-ball weapon rap," a judge has slapped a restraining order on the alleged ringleader of this frigid threesome. So if the icy little punk gets within so much as a snowball's throw of mailman Bumpurs, he'll be riding a one-way avalanche straight to the ice house.

But since this wintry whippersnapper is apparently an arctic menace to postmen everywhere, I'm curious why the TRO doesn't apply to any and all mailmen – if you get my drift?

Indeed, postal veterans now seem worried that this incident might put a real cold sore on the postal delivery business. "That's terrible," said one three-decade postal vet of the snowy incident.

Reading between the snowballs, it seems to me that they're afraid of copycat ice clowns now that a chilly precedent has been set: "I've been with the postal service for 26 years, and I've never heard of such a snowball attack," said the same vet.

As for mailman Bumpurs, he was treated by EMS for bruises and swelling and has since been able to return to his mail route. No word yet whether body armor and a ballistic shield are now accompanying him on his sub-zero route.

http://www.newyorkpost.com/p/news/local/brooklyn/snow_kids_in_arms_yFb9z7e5iz4lMfS3uN5DIK

Oh-My-God! Lame Goofwad GOP Lawmaker Goes Ape for the Ladies on Craigslist, But Gets Busted and Is Now Going Gonesville From Congress!

This one's so juicy and impossible to ignore than even the rightwing DrudgeReport couldn't ignore it tonight! (Although Drudge, employing his best impersonation of the leftwing "mainstream" national media, did conveniently ignore the party to which this incredible story pertains):

His name is Christopher "Chris" Lee, U.S. Congressman and republican from New York’s 26th District. He’s a rather unassuming dude, as politicians go: Lawmaker, 46 years old, married, with one kid.

So why pray tell would he place ads -- on the "Women Seeking Men" forum on the Craigslist website -- claiming to be a divorced 39-year-old lobbyist, as reported today by Gawker.com (links at bottom)? Talk about a midlife crisis wrapped in a train wreck!

And how about that totally cheesy picture of Lee posing shirtless! Gawker reports that Lee sent that pic to one 34-year-old potential female suitor on Craigslist, as well as the following message: "I'm not a toad. :) i'm a very fit fun classy guy . . . 6ft 190lbs blond/blue. 39..lobbyist. I promise not to disappoint."

Yeah! Nothing says "class" quite like a complete lying charlatan with "disappointment" written all over him. Then this conservative Pinocchio reportedly fired off a message to the same lady complaining that the last person he met from Craigslist "was not as advertised"! The absolute gall of this slippery sleazewad! Pot meet Kettle!

Next, the lady reportedly asked Lee point blank whether he was divorced. "Yes, one child, you?", was Lee’s decidedly deceitful retort. But the vigilant victim of this drivel subsequently did her homework, determining (since Lee the bragadocious brain trust used his real name on the Craigslist ad) that Lee was actually a married Congressman. BUS-TED!

And in case you're holding out any partisan hope that these are all just unverified accusations – they're not. The Craigslist messages were sent through a Gmail account (1) verified by Lee to be his own and (2) associated with Lee's personal Facebook account, Gawker reports.

And while as Gawker's story was breaking today, Lee's handlers initially sniveled around with assertions that Lee's Gmail account might have been "hacked," Lee himself provided the ultimate verification of the truth of Gawker's story tonight by resigning his office just three hours after the story first broke! (Resignation statement pictured above).

Final thoughts: As I've often stated in this space, most American politicians and partisans are complete slimeballs and disingenuous creeps, and it makes absolutely no difference which party the person is in. For every funny story like this one about a republican, there's one about a member of the democrat party.

And while these "people" in both parties have been completely preoccupied with running this great country into the ground over the past 11 years, you have to hand it to them for one thing: They are always good for a great laugh.

http://gawker.com/#!5755071/married-gop-congressman-sent-sexy-pictures-to-craigslist-babe
http://gawker.com/#!5756377/craigslist-congressman-resigns

Mandatory Arabic Classes May Be Coming to Some Texas Schools, Thanks to U.S. Education Department Grants: Will This Create an International Incident?

Although the local school district claims its plans are now "on hold," the Arabic "language and culture" classes were to be (and may still be) mandatory at an elementary school and an intermediate school in Mansfield, Texas (while optional for the older kids in middle school and high school).

The classes would be brought to the kids courtesy of Uncle Sam and federal Education Department grants (link to full story at bottom), reportedly based upon Obama's Education Department ordaining from on high that Arabic is the "language of the future." And even if this plan doesn't go forward in Texas, you can bet it'll be pushed somewhere else. My reactions to this controversial story:

1. On these grants, why is Obama and our federal government looking at the Middle East and discriminating against the Persian language and culture in favor of the Arabs? Iran and "President" Ahmadinejad are not going to be happy about this. I thought the goal was to appease him, no? Two words: Oil. (And I don't want to even think what Spanish-ranting Hugo Chavez's reaction might be!)

2. You're really telling me that you're going to try to teach Arabic to Generations Y and Z? They've never learned English!

3. But seriously: If you're going to mandate that a language be taught in addition to English, then why would it not be the language that's spoken the most in the United States next to English – i.e. Spanish?

And if English and Spanish are both already mandatory in these Texas schools, then I think that's plenty in terms of mandatory language instruction. I mean, what’s next? Mandatory Sanskrit? There are only so many school hours in the day, after all, and many critical subjects beyond language to be taught.

Bottom line: Regardless of whether or not the Texas schools ultimately go through with their plan (and as stated, other locales will try the same thing), this is still an example of more of the wonderfully enlightened and wise use of your tax dollars by our illustrious federal government. It's little wonder that same government is $14.1 trillion in debt. Maybe next they can use federal grants to try to mandate what the school kids can eat for lunch. Oh wait…

http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2011/02/07/mandatory-arabic-classes-coming-to-mansfield/

They're Gonna Put Me in the Movies:Charlie Sheen to be Portrayed in Film – A Porn Film, That Is! But Who Will Play Him & What Will Be the Title?

First she cashed in to the tune of 30 grand for having sex and partying with the "Two and a Half Men" star during the notorious recent 36-hour "sex, drugs and booze bender" that landed Sheen in the hospital and rehab. And now 22-year-old porn star Kacey Jordan (pictured above & on the left) is set to cash in again by portraying herself in a porn film that recreates Charlie's Big Bender (link to full story at bottom).

Jordan will reportedly make "tens of thousands of dollars" for the film, which is said to be a "big budget porn movie" (meaning, presumably, that the producers may actually have a 100 grand or two to throw around).

Initially, the producers of the upcoming flick wanted all of the various porn stars who participated in the 36-hour bash to also appear in the movie along with Kacey Jordan. Jordan was even offered 100 grand if (1) she would appear and (2) could persuade the others to appear. But alas, none of the other partying porn dames is apparently interested, including 19-year-old porn ladies GiGi Rivera and Melanie Rios.

Reportedly, "it is unclear who will play Sheen in the movie," and the film does not yet have a title. But here are some of my own suggestions on both fronts:

Potential Titles:

1. Young Buns

2. Platoon a’ Born Babes

3. Two and a Half Eightballs

4. Red Dong

5. Being John Holmes

6. Major League IV: Back In the Minors

7. Eight Women In

8. Rated X: Literally

9. Hot Shots Trente-Six

10. Ball Street: Charlie Never Sleeps [a title previously featured in this space]

Potential Actors to Play Sheen:

The actor who "lands" this "role" will (1) need to be in Sheen's age range (over 40, which automatically disqualifies younger porn actors such as Brian Pumper) and (2) probably have previous porn acting experience. Keeping those criteria in mind, here's a list of 10 candidates (in alphabetical order; and no, I didn't know most of this info previously, but rather took a few minutes to research IMDb and Wikipedia):

1. Seymore Butts (age 46) (starred in Shhwing, Uranus or Bust, and Big Boobs in Buttsville) [TIR: a plus for Mr. Butts is the fact that he's considered a prolific porn director, and therefore he could wear two...well...]

2. Ben Dover (age 55; British) (has appropriately already starred in Crack Attack, as well as such films as Duke of Knockers and Beavers and Butt-Cheeks) [TIR: he would have to work on his American accent to land the role]

3. Ron Jeremy (age 57) (has appropriately already starred in Charlie's Death Wish, as well as such films as Tales from the Crapper and Poultrygeist) [TIR: Deserves top consideration since he's an all time porn legend, not to mention having already starred in Charlie's Death Wish]

4. Anthony Hardwood (age 43) (starred in Rack 'em Up, Kung Pow Kitty, and Porn Valley P.T.A.) [TIR: Hardwood has a good resume, but he would have to overcome his Gabor-like Hungarian accent]

5. Pat Myne (age 44) (starred in War on a Rack, Just Juggs, and Stop! My Ass Is on Fire) [TIR: He's the right age and has plenty of film "experience," but he may be overlooked in an otherwise crowded field of candidates]

6. Evan Seinfeld (age 43) (a.k.a. Spyder Jonez) (starred in XXX Box, Sleazy Riders, and Teradise Island) [TIR: Has to be a top candidate since not only has he starred in porn films and is married to a porn wife in Tera Patrick -- he's also a rock star, having been a bassist and vocalist in the metal band Biohazard. Not to mention, he starred in HBO's hoosegow epic, "Oz." It gets no cooler than Evan Seinfeld.]

7. Rocco Siffredi (age 46) (starred in Captain Organ, Ass Collector, and Rocco: Animal Trainer) [TIR: Similar to Ron Jeremy, the "Italian Stallion" is an all time porn legend, but he has an edge on Jeremy in that he's closer to Sheen's age]

8. Long Dong Silver (age 50) (old-school porn star who starred in Beauty & the Beast, Sex Freaks, and Electric Blue) [TIR: He would have to come out of retirement, but any porn star cool enough to have been at the center of the Clarence Thomas/Anita Hill Supreme Court confirmation saga should receive strong consideration for the Sheen role]

9. Dick Smothers, Jr. (age 46) (has appropriately already starred in Sex Trek: Charly XXX, Sex Games Vegas and Blow!) [TIR: He may be the strongest candidate in the field for several reasons. First, he has the best resume, given the titles he's already starred in and the fact that's close in age to Sheen. Second, like Sheen, Junior is a second generation show biz dude, being the son of the Dick Smothers from the old Smothers Brothers TV show. Finally, Dick has a bit of the Evan Seinfeld rock star thing going, having been the bassist and lead singer for 80's metal band Kamikaze.]

10. Dark horse candidate: Emilio Estevez [TIR: Sure, Sheen's brother has never done any porn, but he has a striking resemblance to Sheen and, moreover, could use the work].

End analysis: My leading candidates are Smothers and Seinfeld, but don't count out porn legends such as Jeremy and Siffredi, nor that dark horse candidate!

http://www.monstersandcritics.com/people/news/article_1617632.php/Porn-star-set-to-recreate-Charlie-Sheen-bender-in-new-adult-movie

"He'll Feel Better After He's Robbed a Few Banks": Man Gets Out of the Hoosegow, Then Allegedly Pulls a Bank Job Only Hours Later & Heads to Walmart!

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid had just arrived in Bolivia, looking to escape the pursuit of American authorities and to start their criminal enterprise anew in the South American country. However, Sundance quickly develops a sour mood when he sees the poor, third-world quality of the Bolivian countryside.

But Butch reassures their female companion. "He'll feel better after he's robbed a few banks," says Butch. I wonder if a similar type of anxious thought was going through the mind of Pennsylvania's Richard Brandon Johnson (pictured immediately above) upon his release from the pokey last week (links to full story at bottom).

That's because Johnson had only been out of the can a few hours when he allegedly boosted an SUV from a Walmart parking lot (dude really seemed to like hanging around Walmarts – read on) and drove the vehicle to go pull a bank job in Benscreek, Pa.

But as an alleged criminal, Johnson ain't exactly a flaming wit. Cops say he entered the bank without any mask or disguise, which allowed him to be easily identified on the bank’s surveillance video. He reportedly did know enough, however, to order the bank teller not to include any dye packs with the loot, which would have exploded and permanently marked the cash later on.

Johnson's alleged take from the score was a measly $1,100, which might have been what led the local police chief – immediately after the bank robbery – to proclaim: "We need to get him before he does another job."

But it turns that that the chief really had nothing to worry about: After this piece of work went down, Johnson allegedly headed back to a Walmart, apparently to do some casual shopping!

However, before Johnson could so much as shop for a ski mask for his next job, cops say an "alert citizen" and fellow Walmart shopper spotted Johnson as a local bank robbery suspect and fingered him to the police. The bust went down right there at the discount store.

Now, I might be able to imagine some of Johnson's alleged crazy behavior if he was some hardened criminal getting out of the joint after doing some hard time – but that definitely wasn't Johnson. He had been in the county clink only about a month in connection with an assault charge (cops say he clocked his old lady right in the face on New Year's Day). He had been released on a $10,000 recognizance bond, and the judge says that a plea deal had been "in the works" for Johnson on the assault rap.

But now, he's back in the ice house and faces a $500,000 bond if he wants another taste of freedom before his trial on bank robbery charges. And since prosecutors appear to have this dude on tape with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar, I don't see too many more plea deals in Johnson's future.

Johnson himself is providing no clues for why he allegedly went on a crime spree only a few hours after getting out of the freezer. He clammed up and gave cops the silent treatment, saying only "Hi, mom" to reporters at his arraignment.

Now he may have to do his waving to mama from the inside of a cell for a long, long time to come. And to think, if he had just done his shopping at that first Walmart before the bank job (allegedly), he might still be on the loose. (Assuming a mask or disguise purchase, of course). I'm confident Butch and Sundance never would have made that same mistake.

http://tribune-democrat.com/local/x856147008/Suspect-held-in-bank-heist

http://tribune-democrat.com/local/x1293239616/Plea-deal-was-in-works-Judge

Still Crazy After All These Years: Would-Be Ronald Reagan Assassin John Hinckley Reportedly Gets Along Only Too Well in the Nuthouse...

It was one of those moments when you recall exactly where you were. Like 9-11, the space shuttle disasters, the Kennedy assassination, and Pearl Harbor for the old-timers. It was March 30, 1981. I was in fourth grade. Mrs. Cornshucker came into our classroom at Franklin Elementary after a recess and told us that the president had been shot and that it wasn't known whether he'd survive.

But he did, of course, and regardless of what you think of him, it is indisputable that Ronald Reagan had one of the most historical presidencies in American history. Today is the 100th anniversary of his birth, and this weekend The Daily checked back in with the nut job who shot Reagan and three others in 1981.

John Hinckley never spent a day in the joint for his crime -- which the whack job said was his nutty attempt to impress actress Jodie Foster (with whom he had become obsessed after watching her play a kiddie hooker in the film Taxi Driver).

Instead, the deranged lunatic and bona fide slimeball was committed to the loony bin, where he's been ever since (he's now 55). And as The Daily's story details, he's livin' it up pretty good in the ol' snake pit (link to full story at bottom).

The story describes the maniacal Hinckley as a "Caged Casanova" with a new girlfriend for whom he's "going gaga." Her name is Cynthia Bruce (pictured at the top with her beau).

The couple met in the madhouse (errr, St. Elizabeth's Mental Hospital in Washington DC) and have been dating since at least October 2010. But they let Bruce out of the cuckoo’s nest at some point, as she's now described as a "former psychiatric patient" who lives in her own apartment.

The 45-year-old Bruce says that the affair she's got going with madman Hinckley is a "positive thing" and that she's doesn't care what anyone thinks about it. She also says she sees "value" in the demented failed assassin.

Bruce also cries "none of your damn business" if you try to ask her what the strange brew duo does for fun: "I don’t want to hurt or derail anybody, including myself," she said cryptically.

The Daily also reports that the crazed couple was "recently photographed cuddling outside St. Elizabeth’s psych ward," spending "an hour together on a sunny afternoon" and "sharing sodas and snacks" (I'm guessing nuts, crackers and bananas). How romantic. (Hinckley, BTW, is permitted to spend limited time outside the lunatic asylum and even has a driver's license).

Apparently they don't let Bruce spend the night with Hinckley at the funny farm, however, since following that recent "sunny afternoon," she took the subway home to her one-bedroom apartment. That joint, BTW, is reportedly decorated with "Christian posters [and] biblical passages" by the "very religious" Bruce.

Interestingly, Bruce might want to pack up those decorations and try to find a way back into the bughouse so that she can keep a better eye on her creepy, underdone old man. I say that because Hinckley gets around. A real player around the psycho ward, you could say: The man who lost his marbles but kept his stones. Women go bonkers for the aging, batty psychopath.

Specifically, Hinckley has dated female patients before there at the crazy house, including an unhinged "Ms. M" (a patient "suffering from bipolar disorder") as well as a daft "Ms. G" who was actually cheating on her own old man with Hinckley! Apparently they don't call that place the booby hatch for nothing.

http://www.thedaily.com/page/2011/02/05/020511-news-hinckley-02/