First she cashed in to the tune of 30 grand for having sex and partying with the "Two and a Half Men" star during the notorious recent 36-hour "sex, drugs and booze bender" that landed Sheen in the hospital and rehab. And now 22-year-old porn star Kacey Jordan (pictured above & on the left) is set to cash in again by portraying herself in a porn film that recreates Charlie's Big Bender (link to full story at bottom).Jordan will reportedly make "tens of thousands of dollars" for the film, which is said to be a "big budget porn movie" (meaning, presumably, that the producers may actually have a 100 grand or two to throw around).
Initially, the producers of the upcoming flick wanted all of the various porn stars who participated in the 36-hour bash to also appear in the movie along with Kacey Jordan. Jordan was even offered 100 grand if (1) she would appear and (2) could persuade the others to appear. But alas, none of the other partying porn dames is apparently interested, including 19-year-old porn ladies GiGi Rivera and Melanie Rios.
Reportedly, "it is unclear who will play Sheen in the movie," and the film does not yet have a title. But here are some of my own suggestions on both fronts:
Potential Titles:
1. Young Buns
2. Platoon a’ Born Babes
3. Two and a Half Eightballs
4. Red Dong
5. Being John Holmes
6. Major League IV: Back In the Minors
7. Eight Women In
8. Rated X: Literally
9. Hot Shots Trente-Six
10. Ball Street: Charlie Never Sleeps [a title previously featured in this space]
Potential Actors to Play Sheen:
The actor who "lands" this "role" will (1) need to be in Sheen's age range (over 40, which automatically disqualifies younger porn actors such as Brian Pumper) and (2) probably have previous porn acting experience. Keeping those criteria in mind, here's a list of 10 candidates (in alphabetical order; and no, I didn't know most of this info previously, but rather took a few minutes to research IMDb and Wikipedia):
1. Seymore Butts (age 46) (starred in Shhwing, Uranus or Bust, and Big Boobs in Buttsville) [TIR: a plus for Mr. Butts is the fact that he's considered a prolific porn director, and therefore he could wear two...well...]
2. Ben Dover (age 55; British) (has appropriately already starred in Crack Attack, as well as such films as Duke of Knockers and Beavers and Butt-Cheeks) [TIR: he would have to work on his American accent to land the role]
3. Ron Jeremy (age 57) (has appropriately already starred in Charlie's Death Wish, as well as such films as Tales from the Crapper and Poultrygeist) [TIR: Deserves top consideration since he's an all time porn legend, not to mention having already starred in Charlie's Death Wish]
4. Anthony Hardwood (age 43) (starred in Rack 'em Up, Kung Pow Kitty, and Porn Valley P.T.A.) [TIR: Hardwood has a good resume, but he would have to overcome his Gabor-like Hungarian accent]
5. Pat Myne (age 44) (starred in War on a Rack, Just Juggs, and Stop! My Ass Is on Fire) [TIR: He's the right age and has plenty of film "experience," but he may be overlooked in an otherwise crowded field of candidates]
6. Evan Seinfeld (age 43) (a.k.a. Spyder Jonez) (starred in XXX Box, Sleazy Riders, and Teradise Island) [TIR: Has to be a top candidate since not only has he starred in porn films and is married to a porn wife in Tera Patrick -- he's also a rock star, having been a bassist and vocalist in the metal band Biohazard. Not to mention, he starred in HBO's hoosegow epic, "Oz." It gets no cooler than Evan Seinfeld.]
7. Rocco Siffredi (age 46) (starred in Captain Organ, Ass Collector, and Rocco: Animal Trainer) [TIR: Similar to Ron Jeremy, the "Italian Stallion" is an all time porn legend, but he has an edge on Jeremy in that he's closer to Sheen's age]
8. Long Dong Silver (age 50) (old-school porn star who starred in Beauty & the Beast, Sex Freaks, and Electric Blue) [TIR: He would have to come out of retirement, but any porn star cool enough to have been at the center of the Clarence Thomas/Anita Hill Supreme Court confirmation saga should receive strong consideration for the Sheen role]
9. Dick Smothers, Jr. (age 46) (has appropriately already starred in Sex Trek: Charly XXX, Sex Games Vegas and Blow!) [TIR: He may be the strongest candidate in the field for several reasons. First, he has the best resume, given the titles he's already starred in and the fact that's close in age to Sheen. Second, like Sheen, Junior is a second generation show biz dude, being the son of the Dick Smothers from the old Smothers Brothers TV show. Finally, Dick has a bit of the Evan Seinfeld rock star thing going, having been the bassist and lead singer for 80's metal band Kamikaze.]
10. Dark horse candidate: Emilio Estevez [TIR: Sure, Sheen's brother has never done any porn, but he has a striking resemblance to Sheen and, moreover, could use the work].
End analysis: My leading candidates are Smothers and Seinfeld, but don't count out porn legends such as Jeremy and Siffredi, nor that dark horse candidate!
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