They call it the "Stellanator Challenge," and although many have accepted, no one has ever beaten it. You have to eat the above-pictured mastodon of a cheeseburger – plus a basket of fries for good measure – within 45 minutes. And no crapper breaks allowed! (Links to full story at bottom).The Challenge
More than 60 people have previously taken the Stellanator Challenge at Stella's Bar and Grill in Bellevue, Nebraska (just outside of Omaha). All have failed, according to the hottie owner of the joint, Stephanie Francois (also pictured above). And if you fail, they splash your picture on a giant "Wall of Shame" just to rub it in. Check out the list of ingredients on this foot-high heart attack waiting to happen – this Leaning Tower of Lard:
-6 hamburger patties (and big ones)
-6 fried eggs
-12 pieces of bacon
-6 slices of cheese
-Fried onions (and lots of 'em)
-Lettuce
-Tomatoes
-Pickles
But that ain't it! Not by a longshot. They also bury within the burger a couple of spoiler ingredients just to try to throw you off and slow you down: Jalapenos and peanut butter! Why don't they just toss some castor oil into the mix why they're at it?
Those two rotten toppings are apparently emphasized towards the very bottom of the "burger" so that they are one of the last things you would have to endure on your way to the finish line. Kind of like the Village of the Crazies from Gymkata.
And they've got some special rules for this crazy culinary event that also make this one tough challenge. Not only are you limited to 45 minutes, and not only are bathroom breaks forbidden: If you get done with the challenge early, you have to sit there and wait until the full 45 minutes have expired before you can hit the $hithouse.
Otherwise, you lose. And oh yeah – don't forget to sign that liability waiver before you get started, either. It's required (as pictured above). After all, what burger joint wants to be financially responsible for customers dropping dead during regular business hours right there in the dining room?
People who have taken the Stellanator Challenge reportedly tend to be very gung-ho when they first walk in the establishment's front door. But that usually changes before the damn challenge even gets underway. According to the linked story, upon seeing the gigantic burger, contestants "almost immediately realize they had bit off more than they could chew."
The Acceptance
But here it is: I think I could eat that thing in 45 minutes (and maybe even have 10 or 15 minutes to spare). I really do. I mean, just take a gander at all of those onions draping off the thing like tinsel on a Christmas tree. That so reminds me of my own Slimeball Sandwiches that I’ve been shoving into my piehole by the half dozen ever since college.
Just give me a day or so to fast before I get started, and maybe a few days before that to practice with a few bags full of Wendy’s Triples. I might even try smoking the first Doobie of my life right before the job, just to work up a full-on case of the Munchies.
Not only is the Stellanator not overly intimidating to me – as a matter of fact, I wish I had one in front of me right now so that I could start chowing down just for the heck of it. All of this talk about that burger has rendered me famished, and that thing looks delicious!
I could be up there to Bellevue in less than three hours' drive. But should I only order one, or maybe two or three? I want to be full when I’m done, after all.
BTW, I love jalapenos and peanut butter too. So bring it on, baby! No one, and I do mean no one, is going to stick my pretty mug on some damn Wall of Shame. Mark it down. Make book on it. Take it to the bank. And while you're at it, Stephie, stick all of that in little your Wall of Shame and smoke it.
And not only that -- I'm also going to go W Bush on your little contest: Before I even start eating, I'm going to tack up a big banner behind me that reads, "Mission Accomplished!" When I sign that waiver, I'm going to use a different pen for every letter of my name – just like Obama signing a health care bill. Then when things get rolling, I may even self-impose a 30-minute time limit.
I'm even going to bring along a little midget to sell hats and T-Shirts while I'm doing this piece of work. Bottom line: I'm going to be primpin' and posing like Lindsay Lohan after a jewel heist. And I may need some entrance music.
Yep, I'm going to be famous. Bigger than U.S. Steel. The Ayatollah of Stellanollah. The very first person to beat the Stellanator Challenge. I'm going to be like Charlie Sheen – they're gonna put me in the movies. The task is simple: Eat a bunch of food very quickly. For me, that means "all I gotta do is, act naturally," as they say.
http://www.ketv.com/r/26736841/detail.html
http://www.ketv.com/r/26759691/detail.html
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