Episode Synopsis: The Real Housewives of DC returns from 2-week hiatus with a
BANG, as Tareq Salahi drops a BOMB on Mary's family and Cat pulls the biggest and most hilarious stunt yet seen on this series!
Segment 1: The episode begins by picking up right where the last one left off – everyone (except Cat and Lynda) is at the
Salahis’ Oasis vineyard having dinner, and Tareq Salahi has something to say pertaining to Mary. He says that he and Michaele had a $90K car stolen from them at the Americas Polo Cup event. He says he was told by people from the
FBI that Mary’s daughter, Lolly, was on Facebook bragging about having taken a “joyride” in the car while she and/or her friends were wearing the polo garb that Tareq had left in the car (which is actually pretty funny, although Tareq seems very upset at the prospect).
Stacie’s husband, Jason, finds it hard to believe that the FBI is monitoring “polo theft.” Stacie and Jason start becoming visibly upset with the Salahis (while Mary’s said nothing so far) and the fact they seem to care more about Tareq’s polo gear (and the alleged impact on their “charity”) than pinning down whether or not Mary’s daughter was actually involved in the theft. Jason is hilarious! He says that if Tareq was talking about his daughter, “I’d be over the top of this table and on your ass so quick!” Then Mary starts to cry after an angry Tareq proclaims, “there’s a federal investigation going on and EVERYBODY’S goin’ to jail!” At that, dinner’s over and everyone makes a beeline for the exits.
Mary, Stacie and Jason are then in the limo heading back to town. They talk about how Tareq brought his accusation out of “left field” at the very end of what had been a “beautiful day.” Mary criticizes Tareq for even bringing this up without being able to substantiate his accusations with anything more than what he had (i.e. alleged hearsay statements from purported "FBI agents").
Segment 2: We’re with
Lynda,
Cat and Stacie at the Red Door Spa in DC, and they immediately talk about the grape stomping event and dinner at the Salahis’ vineyard. (Cat was at the event, but left before dinner, while Lynda did not attend). Stacie tells Lynda about Tareq’s accusations with respect to Mary’s daughter, Lolly. Lynda remarks that it was awful for Tareq (even if his accusations are true) to bring that up at a dinner party he was hosting. But Lynda indicates she’s not surprised, calling Tareq “a total whack job.” Lynda thinks the Salahis (or at least Tareq) are probably making up the whole story. Cat expresses that she’s sorry she wasn’t there to defend Mary.
At Mary’s house, she is discussing Tareq’s accusations with Lolly. Lolly denies the accusations, although Mary cryptically says that “Lolly posted something on Facebook,” but that such posting in no way implicates her in an FBI investigation (so what the hell did she post?!). Mary’s husband
Rich expresses his anger that Tareq made these accusations at the dinner party when Rich was not there. Mary asks Rich how he plans to handle it the next time he’s around Tareq. He says, “it depends how much alcohol I’ve had.” [Nice response!] Lolly advises her parents not to confront nor give the time of day to the Salahis over these accusations. But Mary seems determined to confront the Salahis. She says first, however, that she and Rich are going to make some calls to law enforcement and do their “homework” to make sure Tareq’s claims are false.
Next Michaele Salahi is out to dinner with her assistant,
Jen, at the Palette restaurant in DC. They also talk about the grape stomp/dinner event at the vineyard. Michaele thanks Jen for helping that day and event be “perfect” (Perfect?!). They say they think that Cat was rude, cynical and mean throughout the event until she finally departed early. Jen, BTW, was the one who made the comment implying that Cat was acting like a "bitch" at the grape stomp (which Cat heard -- this plays out more fully later in this episode -- read on...).
Michaele says that Cat was not acting like a
“Washingtonian lady” at the event. She compares Lynda, Mary and Cat to the wicked stepmother and stepsisters from Cinderella, and then says that she (Michaele) feels like Cinderella. [I can’t recall whether Cinderella ever posed for a nude Playboy spread (?), but I digress.] Michaele actually blames Mary for “pushing” Tareq to spout his accusations at the dinner. The comments that ensue between Michaele and Jen make clear that they both believe there’s no question that Mary’s daughter was involved in the alleged car and polo gear theft.
Segment 3: Now we’re back again at
Mary’s house. Mary says that apparently all “they” (apparently referring to the Salahis) have is a comment that daughter Lolly posted in Facebook concerning a picture posted there by one of Lolly’s friends. Rich says he’s contacted the FBI and every police jurisdiction within 100 miles, and that no one has been able to tell him that Lolly has been implicated or suspected in any current criminal investigation. Mary and Rich conclude that the Salahis are making the whole thing up [Wouldn't surprise me, but I bet that if this thing is false, it's Tareq making it up, not Michaele]. Mary says that the Salahis like to make things up in order to deflect attention away from their own problems.
At
Lynda’s apartment, she is on the phone with Stacie. Lynda wants to talk to Stacie (who works in real estate) about Lynda’s ongoing house-hunting effort. Lynda says that she’s on the verge of buying a certain house in McLean, Virginia, and that Lynda has already made two offers. Stacie has a few reservations, thinking DC is a better location to buy a house (although she’s not totally opposed the suburb of McLean either).
Cat is at The Mayflower hotel having lunch with
republican lobbyist Edwina Rogers (to whom we were first introduced in Episode 1). Cat first met Edwina on that episode. Cat describes Edwina as “one of the most powerful lobbyists in DC.” Edwina mentions that she’s now working on “health care reform” (this episode was shot in fall of 2009). Cat tells her, “I heard that you were a republican lobbyist for health care, and I thought that sounded like a bit of an oxymoron.” Edwina is clearly annoyed by that little comment!
Cat makes clear that she favors the
British system of health care, under which the government pays for the health care of the citizens (“It’s ‘verging’ on criminal that people should have to pay to have health care,” Cat says). Cat then starts ranting about tens of thousands of Americans dying every year because they don’t have health insurance (I’d like to get a cite from her on that one, but oh well). Edwina obviously doesn’t agree with anything Cat’s saying, but seems unwilling to engage in debates with Cat. [And I don’t blame her: It long ago became apparent to me that trying to engage in private debates with ideologues on either side of things is a complete waste of time, but again I digress]. Instead, Edwina nicely tries to change the subject.
But Cat persists and starts breakin’ Edwina’s balls about voting for McCain when
Sarah Palin was on the ticket (for the record, I voted 3rd party and did not vote for either Obama or McCain)! [I do have to hand it to Cat – she is MASTERFUL at pushing others’ buttons, although oftentimes it’s not even intentional!] Cat seems appalled when Edwina says that she thinks that Palin would have made a “fine” VP [I have to side with Cat on that one!]. Edwina sees this whole conversation really starting to die on the vine, and she tries to switch the topic back to health care, inviting Cat and her husband (
and any friends that Cat wants to invite) to an upcoming party (that Edwina’s throwing) that will have both democrat and republican powerbrokers in attendance.
Edwina then jokes that maybe Cat will consider becoming a republican. Cat says “not in a million years – you guys are a dying breed,” which Edwina laughs off. [Cat, if only it was so! If only the deranged republicans and the loony dems such as yourself were ever a “dying breed” – but alas, you fools on both extremes NEVER go away. But I digress for the third time!]
Lynda is at The Madison hotel and sitting down for dinner with her half-her-age boyfriend,
Ebong. She makes a weird reference to
“hot flashes,” and Ebong laughs. [Yeah, a much older girlfriend talking about hot flashes – a regular barrel of laughs.] Then Stacie and Jason show up to sit down for dinner with Lynda and Ebong. They talk about how Lynda is planning to leave her Georgetown apartment in DC and move to a new house “across the river” in McLean, VA. Stacie remarks off-camera that Lynda should stay in DC, which Stacie thinks is the much cooler and “hipper” place to be. But Lynda says that she does plan to move back to DC within a few years.
Then Stacie starts talking about her birthmother and birthfather. [Back story: Her white birthmother, whom Stacie has only recently been in contact with for the first time, gave Stacie up for adoption after her birth and has been hesitant to put Stacie in contact with her Nigerian birthfather.] Ebong is also originally from Nigeria, a fact with which Stacie very much connects. Stacie thinks that Ebong might be helpful to her in finding her birthfather.
Out of nowhere, Lynda drops a bomb about having “experienced
reverse racism” in her south Georgia background. The look on the faces of Ebong, Jason and Stacie (all African-Americans) is priceless! Lynda claims she was not served at some restaurant because she’s white, which the other 3 folks find hard to believe. Then Lynda (in very nonsensical fashion) tries to link this to Stacie’s birthmother, claiming that such birthmother failed to embrace Stacie out of fear of being “ex-communicated out of her life as she knew it.” I really don't get the connection, but anyway...
Jason changes the subject and comments how he’s impressed by Lynda and Ebong being a
bi-racial couple (I like Jason a lot, but I’m not sure why he made that comment – who gives a rat’s behind what their races are?). Lynda responds with some blather about being “color blind.”
Segment 4: After the
Segment 3 marathon,
this was the shortest segment I have ever witnessed on a reality show, clocking in at about 1 minute! We return again to
Mary’s house. Mary is with her 14-year-old daughter,
Meghan. They talk briefly about Meghan eating a Ho-Ho the previous night, but not finishing it and letting the uneaten portion stain the carpet. Talk about your compelling television! THIS is why I stay up late on Thursday nights to recap this wonderful show! [Obviously, I do it for the resulting
page views – I make no bones.]
Segment 5:
Lynda and her kids are visiting the house that Lynda just bought in McLean, VA (only Lynda has seen the house previously). This joint is MUCH MUCH bigger than their current apartment, and everyone seems to be pretty happy with enormous size of all the rooms. The only concern is that they think that the backyard is not overly secure, and so Lynda says she wants to get a dog that everyone will be afraid of to roam the backyard.
At
Stacie’s house, it seems that Cat has seized upon the invitation of republican lobbyist Edwina Rogers and has invited Stacie and Jason to Edwina’s “health care reform” party. Stacie remarks, “we’re democrats, but we’re open-minded, and I want to hear Edwina’s platform.” [BTW, I very much credit Stacie for that sentiment.] Stacie also remarks that the Salahis will be in attendance. She and Jason resolve to try to stay above the Salahis’ drama at this event.
Cat is also getting ready for this party, talking to her two young daughters about the event. And Cat says that she should
dress “inappropriately” since they are attending a
“republican party” with
“all the dregs [of society].” Off-camera, Cat reveals her real agenda: She hopes to dress so inappropriately that she will be banned from getting invited to any other “republican party” every again in DC!
“Edwina’s Healthcare Party”: The party is starting at Loews’ The Madison hotel in DC. Edwina arrives early. Then the Salahis arrive. Then Stacie and Jason arrive, but they keep their distance initially from the Salahis. However, Stacie and Jason eventually meet up and engage in small talk with the Salahis. Next
David Catania, “DC Councilmember At-Large” (whatever the hell that means), shows up. It appears that Catania is a local democrat pol, and Stacie is very impressed by his appearance, especially since Catania is a big advocate of gay marriage rights.
Then BOMBSHELL! OH MY FREAKIN’ GOD! THIS was the Biggest Surprise and Shocker (by far) that has occurred so far on this series: Recall how Cat wanted to dress very inappropriately for this event, and recall how much she despises Sarah Palin? Well, Cat shows up at this party in a Sarah Palin get-up, wig and glasses and all (at first, I was even wondering whether it was actually Palin)! I do have to credit Cat very strongly: For better or for worse, THAT $HIT’S OVER THE TOP AND EXTREME! I’m serious, Cat has me at hello right there. That is so ballsy, so crazy, so extreme, and so disregarding what anyone else thinks! Genius! MAN I’M IMPRESSED BY THAT $HIT! [But I digress for the 4th or 16th time.]
Almost as hilarious is how Cat’s hubbie
Charles (a White House photographer) plays along and tells people in attendance that
Cat is really Sarah Palin! If only Cat had Palin’s crazy accent down, but instead she talks with her Brit accent, remarking that Michaele looks “like Barbie doll in a pink dress with artificial everything.” [Hey Cat: Michaele's actually not "artificial everything" – if there’s actually one babe on the planet left who could use a boob job, it would be Michaele, but to her credit she has not yet enhanced. Although we’ll see how that goes now that she’s going to be in Playboy!]
Segment 6:
Breaking (Weird-Ass) News! – Someone is shown being rolled out to an ambulance, and then some dude named Jack marches into the party and says that Edwina Rogers (who’s yet to be shown even making an appearance at her own party) had to leave for an unexpected emergency. Cat, Charles and the others laugh about the intrigue of this whole announcement.
Point of Order here: Why would the show not reveal what that was all about? I can only suspect that it must play into some future storyline. That was VERY awkward.
THEN SEPARATE FIREWORKS! Cat runs across Michaele’s assistant, Jen, who said at the grape stomp that Cat was being “bitchy.” Cat confronts Jen about that blast. Jen stands beside her comment, and Cat gets confrontational: “I don’t believe you really know what you’re talking about.” Michaele, almost sensing with ESP that Jen is in trouble here, comes marching in from across the room to stick her snout into this situation. Jen tells Cat, “you’re really taking this way too seriously.” Cat and Michaele then start a smack-off contest against each other, with Cat commenting on Michaele’s pink dress and Michaele commenting on Cat’s Palin wig. This is some good stuff!!!
But Stacie the Party-Pooper then breaks up the fun, interceding and drawing Cat away from Michaele and Jen (just when things were getting good! -- BOOOO!). I think what we really need here is a Hardcore Match between Michaele & Jen on one side and Cat & Lynda on the other, with Mary & Stacie as dueling special guest referees!
Anyway, now on the party’s sidelines, Cat loathes Michaele as she watches Michaele work the room. Stacie implores Cat to ignore Michaele. END OF EPISODE.
Preview of upcoming episodes: Something happens in Cat’s life that is devastating to her (which I’m very sorry to hear), although nothing is revealed about the nature of what’s happened. So stay tuned.
And considering that the top historical performance by a third-party candidate in a presidential election was the ultra-charismatic former president Teddy Roosevelt in 1912 (and he garnered only 27% of the popular vote), that would make Sarah Palin's chances about slim and none -- with slim locked tightly away somewhere in a backwoods Mississippi $hithouse.
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