Newt calls Nancy a liar, despicable, dishonest, vicious and trivial? Pots really shouldn't call kettles black, but that's not even the real point of this post.
Thinking about that rather pathetic Slimeball Sandwich got me thinking about the Real Slimeball Sandwich -- a tasty type of sandwich that I invented and so named in 1990 as a sophomore at the University of Missouri. It resulted from the need to make filling, but very cheap meals on my extremely limited budget, since my only income at the time was working in the grill at McDonald's on Nifong Boulevard 15-20 hours a week (I think my hourly pay was around $4.30/hour, but can't recall for certain). So I invented the Slimeball Sandwich -- a very economical, yet slimey, yet tasty sandwich, perfect for breakfast, lunch or dinner -- or even as a snack around 4:30 a.m. to help take the edge off.
Now, the sandwich can be made with regular, "full-flavored" ingredients (as I used to make it in college), but frankly it's pretty damn unhealthy that way. It can also be made much healthier, and still retain much of its tastiness, through utilization of low fat and fat free alternatives, which is how I make it now.
Now that one could cut the suspense around here with a knife, here's how the Slimeball Sandwich is made:
1. Toast two pieces of bread well in a toaster (I use low calorie light bread).
2. Put a piece of baloney or other lunch meat of preference on one of the pieces of bread (I use 98% fat free baloney as my #1 preference, but also use other low fat lunch meats, such as smoked ham and roast beef).
3. Then you start stackin' on top of the baloney: First is a slice of tomato (in college, I often left off the tomato for cost-reasons, but the sandwich is much better with the tomato). Also note: Sprinkling some salt, pepper and red pepper flakes on the tomato only adds to the party!
4. Then comes a giant dollop of mayo -- which ultimately gives the sandwich most of its sliminess, but also much of its taste (I use fat free Miracle Whip "salad dressing" mayo).
5. Then come sliced onions, and lots of 'em! (although you can always go lighter on the onions if that's your preference) Slice them and use them the way you would on a grilled cheeseburger.
6. Finally, a slice of American cheese on top (I use the fat free variety), followed by the other piece of well-toasted bread as the apex and roof of the sandwich.
7. Then preparation: Stick the sandwich in the microwave for about a minute and a half until the cheese is all liquidy and melted all over everything and the sandwich is very hot. For multiple sandwiches at once, go with about a minute and a half per sandwich. (I normally polish off at least four of these bad boys per sitting, which would mean 6 minutes).
Final notes: You will probaby need to let the sandwiches cool a few minutes, lest you want to scald the roof of your piehole. Also, these sandwiches are very good dipped in low fat cream of mushroom or tomato soup. Finally, note that these sandwiches are extrememly slimey, gooey and messy -- so bring plenty of napkins, unless having a mush of caked-on mayo and cheese is your sort of thing.
If I'm ever able to open up my own joint (i.e. bar and grill), this sandwich WILL be on the menu. You can thank me later for sharing it with you today -- just thank me when you see me again, Josey Wales.