Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Halloween Eve Inspires List of the Five Most Maniacal Moments So Far from Current Seasons of AMC & FX Shockfests "The Walking Dead" & "American Horror Story: Coven"...
These great moments in American television are culled from the fall episodes (current short-lived seasons) of "The Walking Dead" ("TWD") and "American Horror Story: Coven" ("AHS"), and so therefore -- Spoiler Alert! In no particular order (except somewhat chronological):
-AHS: Eat Your Heart Out, Django! As pictured above,19th Century slaveholder Kathy Bates is transplanted into modern times (don't ask), where she promptly starts letting the racist epithets fly at African-American witch Queenie. Bad move, as the non-witch Bates ultimately ends up as Queenie's "slave." But that one quickly goes awry (as one might imagine) when Queenie for some reason tries to seduce Bates' previous monstrous creation -- a half-bull, half-slave individual known as the Minotaur Man. Ouch.
-TWD: It's Raining Zombies, Hallelujah! Daryl and others from the prison clan make a road trip to try to lift supplies from an abandoned superstore. Little do they know, however, that a crashed helicopter has weakened the structure's roof and a horde of zombies is up on that roof! On the bright side, the alcoholic Bob resists the temptation to get his drink on inside the store, but that poignant moment is ruined when the roof starts giving way and dozens of zombies fall from the sky to attack the humans. (Open question: How in the hell did all those zombies get up on the roof in the first place?!? They can't climb stuff! They're dead -- they're all messed up!)
-AHS: Innocent Bystander. Hottie witch Madison (before "The Supreme" Witch Jessica Lange whacks her out) is drugged and raped at a frat party, but takes her just revenge on the offending frat creeps by imposing her mental powers and causing their party bus to fly into the air and crash in a fiery mess. Unfortunately, however, innocent Kyle is also killed in the melee, leading to Madison's rather ill-conceived decision to create a Frankenstein Kyle from various hand-picked body parts from the bus crash dead (as pictured above; storyline continued below).
-TWD: Stuck in Traffic. As pictured above, it's a reunion of HBO's "The Wire," as Tyreese Cutty and D'Angelo Bob (with Michonne riding shotgun) hop into the back seat of Daryl's souped up rod for another road trip to go find antibiotics to cure the deadly flu afflicting the humans staying at the prison. But when the foursome quickly encouters a zombie horde of 1000s out on the road, Daryl is forced to put the car in full reverse and quickly gets the back wheels stuck on a pile of zombie corpses (spewing zombie parts everywhere as Daryl spins his wheels in futility). (Another open question: After Michonne blamed the coarse-looking Daryl for giving her "flees" earlier in the episode, why in the hell was she riding up front with him anyway?)
-AHS: The Revenge of Frankenstein. So Madison creates Frankenstein Kyle; then witch Zoe props up Frankenstein Kyle head-first against Mama's front door, rings the doorbell, and runs away (that was hilarious!). Mama (who thought Kyle be dead) is SO happy to see her boy, although he no longer speaks in coherent words and doesn't appear to be quite the same person as he once was. The happy homecoming really goes sour when Mama promptly resumes her prior molestation of Kyle (who, as a result of Madison's tinkering, now has a porn-star size Anthony's Weiner), but Kyle's unable to reach climax (as Mama laments). Pervert Mom does get her comeuppance, however, when sonny soon thereafter caves her head in.
Memorable moments like these, and much more I would assume, are still to come as AHS and TWD continue this week on Wednesday and Sunday nights. Hell, we're only three episodes in!
Monday, October 28, 2013
"It Ain't Gun Control We Need, It's Sin Control": Cuban Leftist Fidel Castro Takes a Sharp Turn to the Right!
I think I've now seen it all. What's next? The Duck Dynasty guys extolling the virtues of abortion and deficit spending?
http://houston.cbslocal.com/2013/10/21/duck-dynasty-star-it-aint-gun-control-we-need-its-sin-control/
Friday, October 25, 2013
The Old Man From Hell: Hubby Convicted for Giving His Old Lady a Good Beating with a Spoon, and a Whole Lotta More, When She Wouldn't Call Him "Sir" in Front of the Kids!
He's 45-year-old Dan "Dirty" Kirby Kopp (pictured above) of Ephrata, Pennsylvania, and a jury there has found him guilty of lowering the boom on his wife just about any time she refused to refer to him as "Sir" in front of the little shits (links below). And indeed, I'd think a broad would rather be married to a deranged wildebeest than THIS:
-Dirty Kirby reportedly found the failure to call him "Sir" at all times to be highly "disrespectful towards him in front of the children" and "disobedient to him for undermining his parenting."
-The apparently typical beatdown that would ensue involved Dirty Kirby whipping out a big wooden spoon and laying the wood to the old lady something awful.
-On another occasion, Dirty Kirby was reportedly caught on tape threatening to come after his wife with a "wooden paddle."
-And just to mix things up, Dirty Kirby's also been known to "regularly hold his wife down over his knee and spank her so she would 'learn a lesson.'"
-He even once threatened to go all Exorcist and shit on the old lady's ass, saying he was of a mind to "'cast the demons out of her' next time she disobeyed him."
One of Dirty Kirby's defenses, undoubtedly, was that he did give the old lady every opportunity to comply with his demented dictates: As caught on video, Dirty Kirby is seen "showing her the spoon and giving her a 'count of three to comply' with his demand of addressing him with a 'yes, Sir.'"
But the jury wasn't buying, and now this Silverware-swingin' psycho may need to trade in his spoon for a shank, as he faces up to two years in the hoosegow for stalking and harassing his old lady.
I just hope for his sake that Dirty Kirby's not planning on demanding the ol' "yes Sir" down in the can. See how that one works out for ya, creep.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/09/dan-kirby-kopp-beat-wife-not-calling-him-sir_n_4072784.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2451647/Dan-Kirby-Kopp-beat-wife-spoon.html
Monday, October 21, 2013
Check Them Glasses: Woody Allen Calls New Claim "Fictitious" That His Son Ronan Was "Possibly" Fathered by Frank Sinatra When Ol' Blue Eyes Banged Allen's Ex-Old Lady Mia Farrow in the '80s. RIGHT!
Take a look at creepy old Woody, and then just take a gander at Ronan Farrow and the late Sinatra, as pictured above. There's no "possibly" or anything "fictitious" about it, and no DNA testing is needed...
Sinatra is Ronan's old man (allegedly)! Undeniable. Indisputable. Irrevocable. (Allegedly). Or as Francis might say, forget-a-bout-it. Ronan's even got those same blue eyes for cryin' out loud!
For the record, Sinatra would've been 71 years old in March 1987 when he reportedly hopped on top of a then 42-year-old Mia Farrow and got down to the business of rolling out Ronan (as Mia Farrow now alleges).
I can even hear the old codger Sinatra breaking into song now: "When I was 71, it was a very good year...."
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10350935/Mia-Farrow-Woody-Allens-son-Ronan-possibly-Frank-Sinatras.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2461193/Woody-Allen-emerges-arm-arm-wife-Soon-Yi--claims-Frank-Sinatra-possibly-fathered-son-Ronan.html
Sinatra says It Was a VERY GOOD Year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emAe6IClGys
Friday, October 18, 2013
Men on the Moon: Debt Opponents Exposed for Exaggerating the $16.7 Trillion National Debt, Claiming the Debt Stacked in $1 Bills Could Stretch to the Moon Four Times!
However, and thankfully, the objective media watchdogs at Media Maddens.org were quick this week to debunk the debt worriers' sensational claim (link to claim below)...
It seems that in order for the $16.7 trillion national debt, stacked in $1 bills, to reach the moon four full times, the bills would have to be a bunch of crumply, old used ones -- i.e. bills of a type that simply don't stack up so nice.
If, instead, freshly printed currency would be used, then the dollar stack would be lucky to reach the moon three times, says Media Maddens.
And why wouldn't newly printed currency be used for such an endeavor? After all, that's what financial institutions keep on hand -- they're plentiful. In contrast, old Raggedy Ann bills are what float around in the hands of the public, making it virtually impossible to round up enough of those old bills to even accomplish a four-moon stack.
So yet again, we have these draconian, Nazi proponents of balanced budgets and reduced debt at the forefront of exaggeration, spin, and impossible demonstrative anecdotes. Can't we just sick the IRS on their ass? Oh wait...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hKSYgOGtos
http://news.yahoo.com/debt-ceiling-much-16-699-trillion-112935371.html
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
My Perfect Prediction that Hillary's 2016 Running Mate Will Be Current Newark Mayor Cory Booker Just Keeps Gaining Momentum...
I'll spare everyone a regurgitation of the reasons why Cory Booker will be Hillary's vice president running mate in 2016 (link to my original post below), but suffice it to say that things remain very much on track this week. First, Booker stands poised to easily capture the open U.S. Senate seat in New Jersey in today's special election (second link below) over deranged right-winger tea party candidate (but mick brethren) Steve "Doyle" Lonegan (as I said would happen weeks ago)...
And on the other side of the leftist coin, Hillary yesterday reaffirmed the certainty that she will run in 2016 by taking a rather snide (and grade school style) political swipe at her likely primary democrat party opponent in 2016 -- none other than the gaffe-prone, intellectually challenged current VP, Diamond Joe Biden (third link below)...
To paraphrase, Hillary reportedly said of Biden in a (not so) secretive fundraising speech this week that "I backed the Osama Bin Laden raid, and he didn't." You see, high profile political slimeballs like Hillary never say anything derogatory about fellow members of their own rotten party except when (1) they are in full primary campaign or ass-covering mode (here the former) and (2) they have every intention of those words going public (as Her Highness did here).
Make "Book" on it: Hillary's runnin', and Booker will run with her. (Caveat repeated: I do reserve the right to continue to let my viewpoint on this issue "evolve," since these political scumjobs are always given carte blanche to do the same by our adorable American "mainstream" media -- and what's good for the sleazebuckets is good for the Rager, after all).
http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2013/08/weekend-exclusive-that-you-heard-here.html
http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/10/15/heavy-campaigning-for-booker-lonegan-day-before-n-j-senate-vote/
http://www.ajc.com/weblogs/political-insider/2013/oct/15/hearsay-hillary-clinton-theres-more-life-slim-jims/
Friday, October 11, 2013
With About a Year Until the 2014 Midterms, I Thought It Worth a Few Moments to Reflect on a Most Beautiful Word in the American Lexicon:
G-R-I-D-L-O-C-K!
I've said it before (and even despite my disagreement with the current government shutdown): Gridlock is good. Gridlock is your friend. Gridlock's the warrior standing between your freedom and a legion of loony leftists and deranged right-wingers who would only seek to usurp it if they had absolute federal power to do so. Freedom's also a beautiful word, but these days you can't have freedom for long without a healthy dose of gridlock to protect it.
The leftist 20 percenters are prepared to focus all energy on grounding out gridlock once and for all in 2014 (by taking back the U.S. House). Obama's minions have as much as said that this is as important to Obama's "legacy" as anything that's come before -- gotta give His Majesty a big lefty cudgel for those last 2 years, after all.
But my money's on my friend gridlock once again saving the day come next year. So inspired by my friend, was I in the past few weeks, that I actually broke into song, penning the following short tune that I have entitled, "Sweet Gridlock":
Gridlock, sweet Gridlock.
The alternative to you is hemlock.
I'm thinkin' all the ways that you rock.
Our best friend, Gridlock.
Shellshocked, I was shellshocked.
Back in '09 with all the left rot.
I said boot them to the end of the block.
So we could get us some Gridlock.
Restock, let's restock.
That's the cry for next year from the left crocks.
I think they wanna whack out my Gridlock.
Like a poke to the eye with a wind sock.
So Gridlock, save Gridlock.
Don't send him on his way out the air lock.
I don't wanna take him on a space walk.
We need him here, sweet Gridlock.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
That's My Girl: "Shocking Moment Girl Aged Seven Steals Mobile Phone Out of a Woman's Handbag Under the Approving Eye of Mother"!
But on the positive side of this demented story (links below), Mama does appear to have a great rack.
http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/crime/shocking-video-young-child-steals-phone-womans-purse-under-mothers-direction?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+opposingviews%2Fmain+(Opposing+Views+-+Issues%2C+Experts%2C+Answers)
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2440137/South-African-girl-steal-womans-handbag-mothers-instruction.html
Monday, October 7, 2013
Devoted Leftist Big Apple Mayoral Candidate Bill de Blasio Complains About Being Called a "Leftist": Maybe Next He'll Object to Being Referred to as "Bill"?
The New York City mayoral race would have been so much more entertaining if Anthony's Weiner hadn't effectively pulled out of the race (or at least deflated all chances of winning) as a result of another sexting/donging scandal. What the democrat party has been left with is this ardent leftist kook named Bill de Blasio. Nothing says fun n' games, after all, quite like a hardened leftist ideologue and wannabe "revolutionary"!
Now I'm not quite sure what got into the New York Times over the past few weeks, but the normally reliable left-wing advocacy rag reported that de Blasio has a past history of supporting Latin American leftist "revolutionaries" as well as the concept of "democratic socialism." The Times even had the gall to refer to de Blasio as a "leftist." (Talk about Pot calling Kettle black!)
De Blasio has been fumin' over the Times story, calling it out for a lack of "balance" and for calling him a "leftist" (link below). It's the latter objection that I can't even begin to grasp...
As a preface, I don't call these politicians on either side by the names they've chosen for themselves. They don't deserve any such level of respect. As such, you won't see the "l" or the "p" or the "c" word used in this space. I also distort the two parties' names for the same reason. But I also don't try to be downright derogatory or crass in the terms that I do use...
For example, the people comprising the base of the democrat party (about 20% of the American population) are leftists. There's nothing particularly insulting about that term. It simply reflects fact.
For a guy like de Blasio to deny being a leftist is like referring to Obama as a "moderate" (as many leftists like to do) or like (perhaps slightly less preposterously) claiming that the world is actually flat.
I've often told these leftists that just because they may say something ridiculous 1000 times over doesn't make it any more true, no more than they can piss on my back and convince me the drought's ended. De Blasio's a leftist. Embrace it, Bill. That is, if I'm getting the "Bill" part right.
http://politicker.com/2013/09/bill-de-blasio-explains-his-liberation-theology/
Friday, October 4, 2013
What $17 Trillion National Debt? Federal Government Spends $100,000 to Build a Rudimentary Shithouse at a Remote National Park in Alaska!
The not-so-plush privy (model version pictured at the top) is to be erected at Alaska's Swede Park Trail Head (links below) -- a location described as "remote" by the Federal Bureau of Land Management (the BLM). So it naturally follows, of course, that the BLM is going all out to make sure that the remote trail has only the best of amenities to offer any person who might inadvertently show up there.
This includes "the facilities," apparently, since the BLM recently contracted for $100,000 to have an outhouse constructed at the trail head. And an outhouse is exactly what it is -- and not even a two-seater!
So how the heck can an apparently modest shitter with no running water cost 100 Grand, you might ask? Well, try the $50,000 price tag for the "waterless toilet" to be installed inside the crapper. I might ask if the BLM couldn't have instead just bought a toilet seat down at Home Depot for 40 or 50 bucks, but I don't want to be obtuse over here.
Still, though, that leaves another $50K for the rest of the shithouse, and Lord only knows what hole that money's being shit down by the BLM. Probably something in the order of a $20K door (complete with a $5K polished knob), a $10K TP dispenser, and $15K to cover the ventilation shaft and that little doggie door on the side. (I just hope they left something in the budget for cutting out that little moon shape on the door -- a necessity for any self-respectin' shithouse).
But alas, the $100K outhouse contract won't be covering everything. The second linked story says that the "pumping out and maintenance of the facility," for example, "are addressed in a separate contract." But have no fear. I bet a half a mill can cover that part.
http://patdollard.com/2013/10/government-to-build-100000-federal-outhouse/
http://cnsnews.com/news/article/eric-scheiner/open-business-govt-erect-98670-outhouse
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Two Peas: W Bush Sincerely Advises Obama, "Keep Golfing." And AGAIN I Find Myself Agreeing with a Slimy Partisan (In a Disturbing Recent Trend)!
Says W Bush this past week (link below): "I see [Obama] criticized for playing golf. I think he ought to play golf . . . To be able to get outside and play golf with some of your pals is important for the president."
And you won't hear me protesting that advice from The Idiot, either. I've never understood all the right-winger gop-ers complaining about the many, many hours that Obama spends on the golf course (including Obama's golfing outing last weekend as the government shutdown crisis loomed). What do ya want, right-wingers? For Obama to instead stay home and work on conjuring up some more leftist 20 percenter policy for the nation? Maybe another Obamacare? Please.
You golf, Barry. To your little leftist heart's content. You'll always have my blessing. Hell, you oughta golf even more often! Leave aside the endless outside-DC speeches complaining about DC. No one's listening anymore, anyway, man. So hit them links! I can't conceive of a better place for you.
Monday, September 30, 2013
I Do Not Agree With gop-er party Threatening a Government Shutdown Unless the democrat party Agrees to a Delay or Defunding of Obamacare. And I Have My Own Particular, Independent Reasons...
I really despise commenting on this ongoing drama. I hate letting these two rotten parties dictate anything to me, such as what I must comment on in terms of political stories. But this one is of a magnitude that I would feel negligent if I was not to comment...
As should be obvious, I would love the far leftist monstrosity known as Obamacare to be thwarted or to be delayed. Obamacare is one of the ugliest pieces of legislation ever passed in American history -- massive, historically huge doctrinaire legislation foisted into law, for the first time in history, on a straight party-line vote.
And against the will of the American people, who have consistently opposed this leftist turd before and after its passing. That said, the gop-ers need to find a different route to try to defeat or delay Obamacare.
This is an issue that revolves around the mentality that the "ends justify the means." The leftists who control the democrat party and the right-wingers who control the gop-er party believe, to the last, that the ends always justify the means. Always.
Just like we saw the leftists strong-arm Obamacare into law on a tidal wave of legislative bribery, procedural gimmicks, and utter disregard for the sentiments of the American people. And just like the gop-ers would now use similar tactics, by trying to derail unpopular leftist legislation, which did legally pass, through political standoffs and high drama rather than by legitimately winning enough seats and votes in Congress to bring an end to this ill-conceived piece of leftist cow dung legislation.
I worry about the precedent this will set. Since once the gop-ers do it, the democrat party will look for their first opportunity to derail a passed gop-er law through threats of tying it to some completely unrelated issue (like the continued funding of the federal government, as the gop-ers push now)...
Much like the gop-ers in the future will look for their first opportunity to foist some right-winger piece of legislation into law through buying off senators and shady use of procedural gimmicks like "reconciliation" -- just as the democrat party used to force Obamacare down our throats.
This is a never-ending cycle. These two rotten parties using rotten tactics, incessantly providing the other side with an excuse to do the very same thing in the future. These are not decent parties. They are not parties of good will towards the American people. These are a disease, closely resembling an evil, which this country needs to biopsy, remove and exorcise. Just in case anyone thought that I didn't have an opinion.
http://www.politico.com/story/2013/09/house-gop-budget-strategy-government-shutdown-97496.html
Friday, September 27, 2013
"Testicle-Eating Fish Related to Piranha Caught in New Jersey": Sounds Like a Damn Monster Movie!
This fish story from New Jersey (link below) -- documenting a particularly nasty strain of fish referred to, in highly original fashion, as "The Ball Cutter" (a.k.a. "Pacu"; pictured immediately above) -- has me thinking of a new film...
It would be along the lines of the classic horror (parody) film from 1978, Piranha, and its remake of much more recent vintage from 2010 (whose most redeeming value was an all-too-short appearance at the start by Richard Dreyfuss before the fishes ate him)...
Only this time around, as a special added attraction, you'll have the further deal-sweetener that these fish will chomp off all the Jersey men's balls as a part of the carnage. Can you just imagine some of the facial expressions on the dudes' faces as these freak fish first engage down under? This one's got Classic written all over it!
And as always, of course, the Jersey film will need a title, and I've already been working that one out. Set forth below are some of my current candidates for working titles (once I gots the title in the can, it's casting call time, baby!):
-Bean Bake Under the Boardwalk
-My Balls Was Broken in Hoboken
-Meadowlands Massacre: Those Ain't Hoffa's Huevos
-No Country For Old Acorns
-This'll Fix 'Em: Ball Cutter Neuters Newark
-Crackin' Paulie's Walnuts
-Jersey Horror: Calling Guido's Gonads
-Now I've Had My Drink -- They Ate Sonny's on the Causeway
-Sack Attack in Hackensack
-Boardwalk Vampire: Nucky Not So Lucky
-Gov. Chris Christie stars in No Fish Can Find My Cojones!
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/testicle-eating-fish-arrive-n-article-1.1466895
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2431164/Ball-cutter-pacu-fish-caught-New-Jersey-pensioner-local-park-pond.html
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
"tea party Seeks Same Treatment that socialist party Gets." GRANTED!
The tea party's request was made to the IRS in recent days, "asking for permission to keep their donors secret -- just like the socialists" (link below). And while I have no authority over IRS matters, I can guarantee the tea party that it will get the exact same treatment in this space as the "socialist party."
To wit, and to memorialize: I, T.I.R. Rager, do hereby solemnly promise and covenant, to always express the very same level of ridicule, disdain, disgust and disrespect towards the right-winger tea partiers and other gop-ers as I do towards the leftist 20 percenters who serve as the base of the democrat party, not to mention all leftist 20 percenters who refer to themselves as "socialists" or members of the "socialist party."
So there you have it. I do not discriminate. As always, I'm an equal opportunity Independent over here.
http://www.politico.com/story/2013/09/tea-party-fec-socialist-treatment-96988.html
Monday, September 23, 2013
Infanticide Now: democrat party Official in Cali Wishes Death on Children of Aide to gop-er U.S. Senator, While Leftist Kansas Professor Wishes Death on Children of NRA Members...
But I don't really see why either of these matters (links below) is much of a news story. It's not like the party official or the good professor was wearing an Obama mask at the time. Yael?
http://freebeacon.com/democratic-official-allan-brauer-wishes-death-on-ted-cruz-aides-children/
http://www.campusreform.org/blog/?ID=5088
Friday, September 20, 2013
The Shame: Montana democrat party Politician "'Accidentally' Liked Picture of Breasts on Facebook," Then gop-ers Try to Make a Political Issue of It!
Last week I was agreeing with a leftist, and this week I'm talking about voting for one. Maybe I've developed early stage Alzeimer's like Reagan in the mid-80s? Regardless...
With the slimy passage of Obamacare in 2010, I recall stating that I doubted that I could ever bring myself to vote for a democrat party politician again. The intervening years have only cemented that sentiment: The leftists of today who control that party are a scary, loony, creepy bunch of creatures. But alas, I should never say never...
Because if I lived in Montana, I would actually consider voting for this John Walsh character (reportedly the democrat party's top recruit in Montana to run for U.S. Senate) -- primarily just to spite the tactics of the prudish old WASP right-winger gop-ers who control their equally rotten party.
It seems Walsh (link below) hit the like button on a picture (shown at the top) of a big rack that he saw on Facebook. Oh the Humanity! Walsh claims accident (it would actually be much cooler if he admitted intent), but whether or not that's true is entirely beside the point: Because who gives a rat's ass if dude likes a big pair of cans! Who doesn't?!?
But along slink gop-er "operatives" to pounce on the screenshot (which Walsh almost immediately scrubbed) and feed it to the media, and then to try to make political hay of it. How repulsive. In response, I would be very tempted to vote for the jug-likin' Walsh if I lived in Montana.
So that's the sorry state of things in what's become of America in 2013: They only way I can vote for gop-ers is if it's necessary to restore gridlock (see 2010), and the only way I can vote for the democrat party is out of pure spite for the antics of the gop-ers. We'd be better off running some slugs and snakes for political office. But same difference?
http://www.buzzfeed.com/evanmcsan/montana-lt-gov-liked-picture-of-breasts-on-facebook-then-qui
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Better Not Call Me Yella': New "Defensive Weapon" Smartphone Cases Like Yellow Jacket "Feature Stun Guns, Pepper Spray & Concealed Knives"!
They are the new Swiss Army Knives for the current rotten age (links below): Smartphone cases that not only protect your phone, but also your sorry hide, by allowing you to hack up another man with a knife, blind him with a blast of pepper spray, and electrocute him with 650,000 volts. All at your immediate fingertips. Suave.
But being the prickly consumer that I am, they're gonna have to toss in just a few more special features and sweeten the deal if they want me to plop down a couple of C-notes for their pint-sized arsenal. Some suggestions to Yellow Jacket for further enhancements (in no particular order):
-An anthrax pouch: Sure you'll probably contaminate yourself -- but just wait'll ya see the other guy.
-A shot of castor oil: It'll cure almost anything that ails ya. One way or the other.
-A dinner fork, given its high-level multi-tasking abilities in terms of both an eating utensil and a nifty foreign object that can gouge a creep's forehead before he ever knows what hits him.
-Deer antler spray: You'll fly right under the radar at that next random drug test!
-A "Give Me All Your Money" ticker tape strand: Ideal for both bank jobs and assorted street stick-ups. Combine with the fork.
-A pinch of Vaseline: Nothing's more lubricating and soothing for a bad pair of chapped lips.
-A corkscrew (or, alternatively, a good grappling hook): Ever try to get your cheap wine on without one?
-Agent Orange mist: You just never know when the need may arise to defoliate some pesky timber overgrowth.
-A squirt of Go Chicken Go's special red sauce: That chicken joint never gives me enough of that stuff with my gizzards.
-A mustard gas pellet: Cross the red line, use this baby on someone's ass, and watch Vladimir Putin take Obama to school all over again in the aftermath.
http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/09/09/seen-at-11-calling-up-a-weapon-on-your-smartphone/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2417021/Dont-text-bro-New-defensive-weapon-smartphone-cases-feature-stun-guns-pepper-spray-concealed-knives.html
Monday, September 16, 2013
Business as Usual: "Obama Tears Into [gop-ers] on Budget, Debt Ceiling Amid Navy Yard Attack" Monday Morning...
What I don't get is why this individual would be so brazen and arrogant as to open himself up to such easy right-winger criticism by lobbing partisan bombs during a speech while a shooting rampage situation was ongoing Monday morning...
Especially since no one is listening to what this individual has to say about anything anymore, anyway. So why bother?
http://firstread.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/09/16/20525744-obama-targets-gop-divisions-on-budget?lite
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/09/16/obama-to-tout-economy-while-marking-lehman-fall/
Friday, September 13, 2013
Finally Something That I Can Agree Upon With a Leftist: Obama's Education Secretary Calls For Later Start to High School Days. Can We Channel This Concept to the Workplace Too?
Says Obama's education secretary, Arne Duncan: "I am serious about it. I think there is lots of research and, again, sort of common sense that a lot of teens struggle to get up at 6:00 in the morning to get on the bus, or 5:30 in the morning to get on the bus . . . They aren't awake, they're groggy, they aren't able to pay attention in class."
Amen, but let's extrapolate that research and common sense to the American workplace. I have simply never been a morning person, and millions of American workers are no different. And who in the hell invented the rule that the workday must begin between 7 and 9, anyway? Farmers? It may make sense for them, but why for the rest of us?
I'd be in favor of pushing off the workday start to 1:00 p.m. (or, alternatively, 11:00 a.m. at the earliest). My favorite job ever was one that I had for a year when I was about 23. It didn't pay much ($13K/year as I recall), but I loved the schedule:
I'd show up by 3:00 p.m. and get off around 11:30 p.m. Then I'd head home for some late night eats (usually a Banquet dinner and some tater tots), Sportscenter and TV, and then fall asleep around 3 or 4 a.m., and get up around noon to watch the "Kung Fu" reruns on TNT along with a frozen pizza. Then off to work to do it all over again!
Man, those were the days. Kinda makes me wanna push Arne Duncan for president over here! See, sometimes you can learn a lot from a leftist.
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2013/09/05/Education-secretary-Start-school-later-in-day/UPI-92611378364400/
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
This Is One Sick Man: "Paralyzed Base Jumper Knows No Fear As He Throws Himself Off 1,100ft Bridge in a Wheelchair"!
This guy needs some help. And BTW, I thought that landing in a parachute was the equivalent of jumping off a 2 or 3 story building? Meaning, you have to land by bending your legs and rolling or you risk a compound fracture. How the hell is this Lonnie Bissonnette character pulling that one off in the two-wheeler?!? (Link below/pictures above of LB wheeling off New River Gorge Bridge in West Virginia).
The most deranged part of this story is that this guy was paralyzed in the first place by pulling one of these crazy jump stunts. Ya know what -- that's it. That's enough already. I don't want to see anymore of this story. People need to keep their damn heights to themselves. I'm outta here...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2404171/Paralysed-base-jumper-Lonnie-Bissonnette-throws-1-100ft-bridge-WHEELCHAIR.html
Monday, September 9, 2013
Are You Ready for Some gop-Ball? "NFL Owners Spend Big on Campaigns and Political Action Committees," With gop-er Donations "Dominating"...
Hey all you right-winger NFL owners -- the democrat party has three words for ya: I-R-S.
And if the taxing authorities don't kill ya, the democrat party's second favorite bullying tactic (errrr, word) probably will:
R-E-G-U-L-A-T-I-O-N.
Going against The Man. What the hell are these NFL owners thinkin'?
http://washingtonexaminer.com/political-football-nfl-owners-spend-big-on-campaigns-and-pacs/article/2535157
Friday, September 6, 2013
"Outrage" Over Shithouse Labeled "Obama's Presidential Library": But C'Mon, Leftists -- This Ain't Even in the Same League With that Overblown Rodeo Clown!
If one must peruse reading materials on the life and so-called legacy of Barry Obama, then the crapper seems as good of a location to me as any. It's called multi-tasking. Dispensing with two raunchy tasks both at the same time. So I can see where this guy in New Mexico (links below) got the idea...
And what's so wrong with it? Why the reported "outrage," leftists? This sure as hell ain't the Missouri State Fair rodeo clown who wore the Obama mask last month. Although completely overblown by leftists, at least there they could cling to the nugget that the clown and PA announcer had incited the crowd to cheer for a bull to run over said Obama masked clown.
But I don't see (nor smell) any such bodily harm suggestion nugget in this southwestern shitter that's been erected to serve as Obama's Presidential Library. So what is it now, leftists? Any making fun of His Majesty is to be met with nationwide outcry, now matter the silliness or the harmlessness of the gesture or criticism? Talk about a cult of personality.
As for me, I will continue to criticize and make fun of Obama as I see fit. Dude's a jackass. I don't even need to head to the privy to figure that one out. I've already read all too much about it for five long years now.
http://www.wnd.com/2013/09/obamas-presidential-library-is-an-outhouse/
http://www.breitbart.com/InstaBlog/2013/09/04/Outrage-over-Outhouse-Labeled-Obama-s-Presidential-Library
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Senator McShame: Leading gop-er Supporter of Obama's Neocon Plan to Attack Syria, John McCain, Has the Gall to "Play Poker During War Hearing"...
Tuesday's hearing -- of the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations -- saw top Obama minions like the completely hypocritical leftist SOS SOB John Kerry trying to lay out the bullshit case why the U.S. should attack a sovereign country that hasn't attacked us in order to help out a Syrian rebellion propped up by Al Qaeda terrorists...
But this subject matter apparently bored Tired Old Man McCain, who basically "voted present" at the hearing (as he was so fond of accusing Obama in 2008) and disgracefully sat there playing video poker on his iPhone (as pictured above). He later Tuesday on Twitter even had the unmitigated nerve to make light of his pathetic actions -- in essence also making light of congressional proceedings on the trivial issue of whether America should go to war (link below). Guess it's all just a game to the half-senile old man.
McCain is not only so old and worn out now that he has no business serving as a U.S. Senator (I question his basic competency to hold office, frankly). And he was not only (in 2008) one of the most sad, pathetic and ill-conceived presidential candidates that I've seen during all my years (a Georgia shithouse could've been the democrat party nominee and beaten McCain that year)...
More important than any of that, McCain's also been one of the greatest enablers of the absolutely destructive neoconservative foreign policies of W Bush and his successor, Barack "Bush-Lite" Obama. When the old codger should be seriously questioning those policies, he's instead more interested in ante-ing up at the ol' Texas Hold 'Em table.
McCain needed to retire years ago. He does a continuing disservice to his country and home state by dragging his sorry old sack of bones and diminishing mental capacity into the Senate on a regular basis. And don't away mad, Old Man, but do please, please, please just go away. I mean, just think of all the time you'll have in retirement to yuck it up some more over the fun you have playing poker, blackjack and all the various games of chance! Neocon Creep.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-politics-live/the-senates-syria-hearing-live-updates/?id=ed01ca14-222b-4a23-b12c-c0b0d9d4fe0a
Postscript: Gotta love how, thus far, the leftist "mainstream media" and leftist blogosphere have mostly ignored or done their very best to downplay (i.e. join the Old Man in joking around about) this story about McCain's disgusting actions, since this story very much tends to undermine McCain's helpful propensity for backing the Neocon ways of a president who has a "D" next to his name. Leftist hypocrites. Same as it ever was.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Labor Day Ludicrous: "Boy, 11, Begins Freshman Year at College, Majoring in Quantum Physics"! Ya Know, I Can Certainly See Why There's a Rush to Get Into the Job Market These Days...
An incessant American unemployment rate at 7.5 to 8 percent is referred to by leftists in the media and elsewhere as "the new normal." Translation: get used to it and don't expect the democrat party to raise a finger to address it -- a lot of unemployed and destitute people, after all, give them ever more welfare recipients and a lot of potential voters. Or, as Obama might simply put it, "What Jobs Council?"
And that unemployment rate's actually much higher, of course, since it doesn't account for the millions and millions of Americans who have just given up and left the workforce during the Obama regime. What's left is a terrible American job market that has rendered so many new college degrees more worthless than the paper they're printed on, for the first time in American history.
Even some traditional careers previously viewed as safe and secure to pursue -- such as the legal field -- face a glut of new graduates who simply can't find a job this side of McDonald's. The jobs just aren't out there, and neither rotten party could seem to give a rat's ass about it.
So it's with this cesspool labor environment in mind that I get to this 11-year-old in Texas named Carson Huey-You (easy for You to say), who's just begun his freshman year of college at Texas Christian University (link below)...
You's parents should be commended. It's important to push a kid to skip as many grades as possible, graduate high school before the age of 12, and toss his teenage years in the garbage. The ultimate goal should be a college degree by 15, an age when most kids have developed a very distinct level of maturity -- even if they're not allowed to drive, vote, or buy smokes or a drink just yet.
These principles become especially important in a current job market best described as a graveyard. If I was a strappin' young lad, I'd just be a' itchin' too these days to break into the mighty American workforce. Roll me out there at age 16, I'd say! Or, as John Fogerty and Steve Buscemi once said, "Put me in Coach!" But better just hope Coach doesn't run out of money to pay your unemployment benefits.
http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2013/08/27/tcu-college-freshman-is-just-11-years-old/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)