Snappin' Pics w/ Porn Stars & Going Down on Some Dude in the Shithouse While Hubby Watches (Allegedly): If THIS Is the Wealthy Life, You Can Keep It!

They're the "multi-millionaire couple behind the Gadget Shop chain," and working with all those stupid little gizmos all the time must really bore the hell out of them or something. Because why else would a couple want to lead a crazy-ass lifestyle that allegedly makes Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods look like the Pope?

They're in the pictures immediately above and below -- 44-year-old Chris Gorman and his 43-year-old blonde wife (and mother of four) Mary Gorman. The Scottish couple reportedly loves to party it up in the States as if their gadgets were going out of style, as seen on the various pictures on Mary's Facebook page taken with celebrities such as George Clooney and singers Alesha Dixon and Ronan Keating.

But it ain't all exactly what you'd call Glitz & Glamour. On that Facebook page, you can spot Mary partying down with boisterously bosomy porn star Rebecca Jessop (the big 'un, in more ways than one, shown in the black top and red belt in the picture at the very top above). And then there's the little reality porn film acted out in the shithouse at an Orlando nightclub recently (allegedly):

In particular, cops say that Chris and Mary hit Orlando's Roxy Club for a "tawdry liaison in [the] nightclub toilet" involving "a sordid tryst with another man while [Chris] watched." Good Grief.

Cops say this sad state of affairs went down (literally) in "a locked cubicle in the men's toilets at the Roxy Club" -- ironically itself a joint frequented by local resident Tiger Woods in the past.

The act allegedly involved Mary "performing a sex act on an unnamed man while her husband watched." According to the police report: "As we entered the men's restroom, I noticed the stall was locked. Once the stall door opened, the white male was watching defendant [Mary] Gorman performing a sex act on the black male."

Apparently none too happy that cops broke up this little game of tonsil hockey in the middle of the second period (allegedly), Mary reportedly took a swipe at the cops when they tried to get her to leave the shitter stall. Cops also say they found some blow of a different type in Mary's purse.

Now hubby's next spectator event may be watching his Gadget Queen getting hauled off to the hoosegow, as Mary Gorman now faces charges of battery on a cop and cocaine possession. Which begs the question:

You mean to tell me that sans the nose candy and taking a poke at the cops, she would have otherwise walked away "Scot free" (again, literally), even after being caught with the kilt down and blowin' the bagpipe inside a public crapper (allegedly)? I thought talking on the bonophone in public was still illegal these days unless you're at an "occupy wall street" protest. What gives?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2056084/The-Gadget-Shop-millionaire-Chris-Gorman-wife-Mary-arrested-US.html


Postscript: For anyone who may be interested, a few pictures of the aforementioned Ms. Jessop and her Robust Rebecca Rack are set forth below. BTW, finding clean pics of this plus-sized porn broad sure ain't easy (although apparently she has been checked out on how to properly operate a skid steer):

gop-er Group Sends Out "Zombie Obama" & "Zombie Pelosi" Halloween E-mail; Draws Secret Service Scrutiny. This Sort of Thing is SO Inappropriate...

That'll do it, alright: Send around so-called "artwork" showing the individual we currently have as president with a hole in his head, and you're sure to garner the Secret Service all over your ass like stinkbugs on a Mississippi shithouse. And that's precisely what happened this week to a republic partisan group in Loudoun County, Virginia...

The "Zombie Obama" and "Zombie Pelosi" images were included in an e-mail on Monday "to advertise the Loudoun County gop presence at a parade that evening." The rather silly e-mail read: "We are going to vanquish the zombies with clear thinking conservative principles and a truckload of republican candy."

The outrage, the outrage, cried Virginia partisans on both sides, quickly prompting the local gop-er group to issue the patented non-apology apology for anyone who might have been offended. Meantime a spokesman for the Secret Service says the Men in Black are "aware of the situation." (Always an ominous pronouncement by a federale licensed to carry firearms on the job)

And for the record, I agree with the democrat party and republic partisan partisans in terms of their opinion that this sort of thing "has no place. Ever" (statement from VA gop-er chairman). In short, keep your damn politics, ideologies and slimeball politicians the hell out of my beloved zombie realm! And that goes for both damn sides! To wit...

I don't want to see a "Zombie Obama" on one of my favorite TV shows, "The Walking Dead," going around spouting cliches about how the living need to pay more of their fair share to the zombies. I don't want to see "Zombie Pelosi" (which is actually a fairly accurate likeness of San Fran Nan) stumbling around the next George Romero zombie-fest telling us that we have to pass a zombie reform bill in order to find out what's in it.

Likewise, I don't want to see a "Zombie Palin" in Planet Terror Part II firing off rifle blasts from the end of her hacked off leg while she spouts "you betcha" catchphrases every second line. Nor do I want to see anytime soon a "Zombie W" in Resident Evil land trying to mobilize zombies everywhere to start ill-advised wars in the name of spreading zombie-ocracy throughout the world.

In sum, there are just certain sacred areas into which these two scuzbait parties and the slimes that inhabit them should never tread. If it's zombies today, then what's tomorrow? It just better not be gangster films, or I'm really gonna get pissed off over here.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/politics/Zombie-Obama-Image-Provokes-Outrage-in-Virginia-132969483.html?dr
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/11/01/local-virginia-gop-group-apologizes-for-zombie-obama-email/

Just Call Him "Lucky Guns": gop-er Pres Candidate Rick Perry Makes Ass of Himself, But Gets Pass in the Face of Herman Cain Sex Harassment Allegations

Sounds like deranged right-winger presidential candidate Rick Perry was either drunk off his ass or all doped up on something Friday night (pictures above and below). Speaking to a right-winger group called "Cornerstone Action" in New Hampshire, the George W clone "put on strange voices" and flailed his arms around in the air like a fool, as if he was "drunk or on some form of medication."

The accounts of Perry's zany speech also describe it as "unusually expressive, rambling and sometimes even incoherent." Which, for me, begs an obvious question: Given those descriptions, how was the New Hampshire speech much, if any, different from Perry's pathetic gop-er presidential debate performances?

Dude needs a professional speech therapist. He can put together nary a sentence without some awkward long pause right in the middle of it. He stutters and stammers around more than Kansas basketball coach Bill Self reciting "Peter Piper." Chalk it up to booze or medication, if you will, but I've a different theory: The guy just ain't too bright, and he's certainly not presidential material. Not when he makes his Texas contemporary, W Bush, look like FDR at the podium.

But Perry still might be luckier than the wood discarded after they notch the seater hole in a Texas shithouse. That's because the "mainstream" media seemingly forgot very quickly about the Perry speech in light of allegations that his right-winger rival Herman Cain sexually harassed two women in the 1990s AD.

The Cain story was a part of a four-person byline "exclusive" by politico.com Sunday (based upon vague, non-specific accusations by anonymous sources), which also begs a question of its own: How many members of the left-advocating "mainstream" media does it take to screw a rather pedestrian "sex" story into a website article template? Politico next time just needs to find a Goon or a Center, and it can field a decent hockey or basketball team for its next piece of tabloid fodder.

But all half-joking around aside, I'm wondering why politico.com wouldn't save a story like this for the general election, when it could be much more devastating to the gop-er chances of beating that individual we currently have for president in 2012 AD...

I can only surmise either (1) politico (a distinctly left-leaning media outlet the past few years) thought some other media outlet was about the jump on the story, necessitating that they go ahead and run with it or (2) politico (like many others) thinks Cain has little or no chance at the right-winger nomination, and so saving the story would waste it.

Regardless, the Cain item -- if it sticks and lingers (and it may well not) -- does threaten to derail the so-called "Cain Train" in rather Short Line order (I still have Monopoly on the brain from last week). Which would likewise make the collapsing Perry campaign the luckiest one on earth this week:

Not only does the hapless Texas governor get a pass for his Friday speech, but now he may just jump right back towards contention in the right-winger primary race. Pays off a lot better to be lucky than good, I guess. And BTW, I just hope he lays off the booze and meds when he's firing off them sidearms.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1011/67194.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2055668/Rick-Perry-bizarre-video-shows-rambling-incoherent-Governor.html

Precisely Why I Personally Shy Away from Keeping a Guillotine Around the House: You Might Get a Body Part Hacked Off, Like This Fool in Washington...

Homemade cutting and sawing contraptions often have a lot of utility in our everyday lives. Nothing like a good sawhorse out in the garage. Or maybe a makeshift log splitter or wood chipper out in the back. But since neither I nor most people are employed as either an executioner or a French Revolutionary, I've always stayed away from the whole home guillotine thing, myself. But not so for one Bellingham, Washington man this week...

Cops there say the local man for some reason felt compelled to construct a homemade guillotine, with an ultra-sharp drop blade and all. The Real McCoy, you might say, as if this real-life Sydney Carton had perhaps read Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities" one too many times in the past.

Even in the best of times, of course, the primary issue with owning your own guillotine is the pesky nature of those things to chop off pert near any bodily appendange with which the giant blade might happen to come in contact. Which brings us back to the homemade guillotine freak in Washington...

It seems he was fully aware of the health risks of sticking one's neck inside a guillotine. No way was he ever gonna give that a whirl. But since no one's ever heard of an arm getting sliced off by a guillotine, perhaps that little danger just never occurred to the guy?

Regardless, his guillotine "unexpectedly dropped on his shoulder Thursday morning," which completely severed his arm off. And apparently this guy thought that a little more than just his arm had been hacked off, since his first move after the incident was to make a beeline to the nearest urology clinic. (You just can't make this stuff up).

And while I'm sure the clinic would have been happy to reattach his package, that simply wasn't the appendage at issue here. Obviously not used to seeing severed arm victims at the urology clinic very often, a woman at the clinic reportedly looked at the man's armless shoulder and told him, "I hope that's just a Halloween costume." Said another worker: "It was a sight."

After the man was finished entertaining the clinic staff, they finally got him headed in the right direction -- calling 9-1-1 to take him two blocks down the street to the nearest hospital. Meantime cops were able to return to the scene and retrieve both the chopped off limb and the guillotine.

No word whether doctors were able to reattach the arm, but the cops have reportedly "dismantled" the guillotine. Curmudgeons. No revolutionary spirit at all, even with all the "occupy" protests going on! After making a punk play like that, these cops better watch out for Madame Defarge and her crew showing up down there to storm the pokey.

http://seattle.cbslocal.com/2011/10/28/not-a-halloween-costume-washington-man-cuts-off-arm-with-guillotine/

Monopoly Madness: "Yes, I Fucked Him Up!" Crazed Woman Allegedly Slashes Up Her Old Man for Cheating at the Popular Board Game!

Is THIS the depths to which we've sunk in Obama's America, 2011 AD? Where damn Parker Brothers board and dice games are leading to slice-and-dice assaults on a regular basis? First it was the recent story of the Yahtzee game that got dicey, and now some broad in New Mexico allegedly went Jason Voorhees on her old man for "cheating" at Monopoly!

As I did with the Yahtzee item, I can only ponder what the suspected "cheating" might have entailed: I betcha this boyfriend landed on Free Parking and snagged all the dough even though his dice roll should have put his little Thimble a spot short. Been there, done that.

Either that, or he was acting as the Banker and gave himself a little Wall Street bonus on the sly after he passed GO. Or he could have just been trying to charge too much rent after the old lady landed on Oriental Avenue. (BTW, shouldn't that be "Asian Avenue"?)

But regardless of what it was, the pictured 60-year-old Laura Chavez was in no mood to give her boyfriend Butch a blow under the Boardwalk. Instead, she turned into a different kind of Janis Soprano and pulled a Richie Aprile on her old man's cheatin' ass -- first clocking him one right in the kisser with a glass bottle (allegedly).

And since a good bottle shot can only do so much damage, this demented dame (allegedly) naturally upped the ante and gave the old man the full Water Works -- grabbing a knife and hacking up her beau about the head, neck and breast like she was trying to break into the Community Chest (allegedly). (OK, I made up the breast part).

Butch is just lucky he didn't receive an Atlantic City scalping like the one doled out by Richard the Fake Face Guy on last week's episode of "Boardwalk Empire." Regardless, cops found Butchie bloodied and battered when they arrived, while his old lady casually sat out on the front porch "covered" in her old man's blood.

When asked by cops if that was Butch's blood all over her hide, she snorted: "Yes, I fucked him up!" Apparently for good measure, Chavez also took to trying to give a Baltic Avenue beatdown to one of the cops, since she now faces a charge of battery on a law enforcement officer in addition to aggravated battery on her old man.

And just like an unfortunate roll of the dice or the wrong card from Chance pile, cops took Chavez to jail -- "directly to jail" -- where she's being held "in lieu of $5000 bond (or until she rolls doubles)." (You gotta love The Smoking Gun; link at bottom).

If ultimately convicted of her alleged crimes, they'll undoubtedly have to transport Chavez from the local lockup to the state hoosegow. No word whether it'll be the Reading or the B&O Railroad that's utilized for the transfer. Butch may show up there too, but he'll be Just Visiting, of course.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/assault/new-mexico-monopoly-stabbing-976532

See, No Weapons Here, Officer! Maniacal Topless Broad Allegedly Takes Cops on 128 MPH Car Chase at 4:00 AM, Then Tries to Trash the Police Cruiser!

She might of gotten away with it, too, if only she was Danica Patrick. Giving a whole new meaning to the phrase "speed thrills," cops in Hiram, Ohio say the pictured 28-year-old Erin B. Holdsworth stripped down nearly buck naked this week before embarking on a wild joy ride at speeds well in excess of 120 MPH around four in the morning.

When, after a car chase, the cops finally got this bare-skinned broad's ass pulled over, the surveillance video shows the denuded dame stumblin' and staggerin' all over the road -- topless and all -- like a hobo who just fell out a freight car on the Union Pacific Flyer.

Once cops had a chance to inventory this dish's wardrobe (or lack thereof), the final tally was no top, "fishnet stockings, a g-string and high heels." No word whether her car came equipped with a stripper pole and a couple of patrons in the backseat.

And this leafless little number was reportedly none too happy that cops had brought her stark-naked highway streak to a screeching halt. Surveillance video shows this top-hating threadbare raisin' a ragin' ruckus right in the back of the damn police cruiser!

Now this dish without a stitch may have to do her topless routines in the community shower in the ladies' lockup, since cops have hammered her bare ass with a veritable bevy of criminal charges relating to reckless and impaired driving, fleeing cops, and tearing up the back of the cruiser (allegedly).

I just hope that before they let this disrobed doll behind the wheel ever again, she's forced to take a driver's edumacation course and the instructor learns her the critical lesson (which may save her life someday) that high-speed topless turns can cause a car to capsize.

http://www.myfoxhouston.com/dpps/news/national/topless-ohio-woman-leads-police-on-128-mph-chase-20101027-mr_15669239
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2054028/Drunk-topless-woman-arrested-leading-police-128mph-car-chase.html

Falling on Deaf Ears: "Pass This Jobs Bill Now . . . We Can't Wait!"

With unemployment at 10%, there was plenty of time for waiting around in 2009 AD, when this individual spent 10 months focusing on his far leftist monstrosity of a health care bill.

And there was plenty of time for waiting around in 2010 AD, when this individual played a ton of golf and enjoyed his vacationing.

And there was plenty of time for waiting around in the first half of 2011 AD, when this individual focused on unnecessary neoconservative military involvements in Libya and bragging up the execution of Bin Laden.

Meantime the employment rate has hovered between 8% and 10% since 2009 AD. But nothing like an election one year out to finally get an individual's attention.

America's unemployment nightmare is, after all, a great crisis to be capitalized upon by half-hearted leftist spending legislation (titled "jobs bill") never intended to pass but instead concocted to create campaign talking points.

And we the American people ever did what, precisely, to deserve 12 years of ruin wrought by this individual and his equally incompetent and moronic predecessor?

http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2011/10/24/obama-rolls-out-new-slogan-we-cant-wait

He Suffered a "Particularly Very Serious Wound to His Scrotum": English Woman Busted for Gnawing Off Her Old Man's Testicles!

It's among some of the first thoughts that naturally come to mind whenever a broad engages in a domestic dispute: Slap his face; Throw a shoe at him; Push him down; Mutilate him by chewing off his balls, etc. It's just a shame when things have to do down that way...

And cops in England say that just's precisely how 44-year-old Maria Topp went down on her old man during a fight between the girlfriend and boyfriend earlier this year. In particular, Maria (pictured above) has "admitted biting off her boyfriend's testicles."

Cops say the old lady was drunk during her late night shark attack on her old man's crotch, although I'm not altogether sure what led cops to that conclusion. And at least the old lady didn't go canniballs like so many of these deranged freaks recently:

Instead, Maria apparently spit out said genitals once she'd chomped them off, giving her old man the opportunity to collect the family jewels and have them "re-attached" at the local hospital. But before you say ball's well that ends well, there's still the little matter of the old lady's crime.

Maria might've wanted to keep her mouth shut about the incident afterward. It seems that if she had only twisted off the old man's scrotum with her hands, she would have faced a lesser criminal charge. But prosecutors say her admission that she bit off the nut sack means a tougher charge. "It is an aggravating feature that she used her teeth," prounounced one of the prosecutors.

Still, though, she's reportedly only facing a maximum of five years for her heinous little meatball feast. And listening to some of the judge's statements, I wouldn't be surprised if she never serves a day.

Following Maria's guilty plea, the judge basically threw up his hands and talked to the maniacal mistress as if she was the judge's 10-year-old daughter who'd just caught smoking in the shithouse. "I have no idea what I am going to do with you," lamented the judge.

One "option," the judge continued, may be to "lock you up." What a hardass! I guess a man's package is not his castle across the pond. Dine away, ladies!

http://edition.myjoyonline.com/pages/oddity/201110/75394.php
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2053348/Woman-admits-biting-boyfriends-testicles-face-years-jail.html

Lovebirds Picnic, Make Out on an 800-Foot Ledge: These People Are Sick -- They Need Help!

My first advice to this psychopathic pairing would've been, "Stay away from that edge but if not, then don't look down, hang in there, and don't go anywhere." But these sick 20-somethings weren't paying any attention, as a photographer recently captured them shinnying their way down to the tiny, narrow edge of Australia's notorious "Hanging Rock." What a couple of goofs.

Hanging Rock stands 800 feet above Grose River Gorge in the Blue Mountains of New South Wales. There are no signs leading the public to it, since guess what: They don't want people doing what this deranged duo did, for cryin' out loud!

Hanging Rock was the subject of a 1975 AD movie, Picnic at Hanging Rock, in which a school teacher and several pupils had a little picnic on the dangerous rock overhang and were never heard from again. Gee, I wonder what ever happened to them?

These pictures, BTW, were reportedly snapped by a photographer named Michael Matthews stationed at a much safer lookout point in the area. Matthews says he was startled to see that these demented freaks had made their way down the very tip of the rock, which is only about a foot wide -- especially on a particularly windy day on which he says it would have been easy to fall off.

Just for good measure, he says, this twisted twosome did a little huggin' and smoochin' down at the end of that rock, followed by the coup de grace: An apparent attempt to reenact the old movie -- sans the fall to the bottom of the gorge -- by holding a damn picnic up there! No word whether bananas, nuts and crackers were on the picnic menu for these two batty bookends.

I'm just surprised these two kooks didn't try to have sex while juggling some bowling pins and whistlin' Dixie up on that rock. Maybe they're saving that for next weekend's act. As for this time, photographer Matthews says the crazed tandem eventually finished their lunch and make-out session and then made their way back to safety. One can only hope these two lunatics next made a beeline straight for the nearest booby hatch. And kids: Never climb in insanely dangerous and unsupported high places.

http://www.forcespenpals.co.uk/news/Extreme-picnicking-on-Australian-cliff-N800774050.aspx
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2052525/Living-life-edge-Its-picnic-Hanging-Rock-couple-perch-inches-800-FEET-fall.html

Halloween Hang Up: Demented Biracial Scarecrow Swinging from a Tree Isn't Exactly a Big Halloween Hit in the Big Apple...

Is this finally the smoking gun that leftist 20 percenters have been looking for to prove their assertion that tea partiers' primary objective is to see all black Americans hanging from a tree? Impossible to tell, but one thing's for sure:

One Brooklyn homeowner has taken Halloween horror to the extreme this year with a freakish scarecrow -- complete with a black face and mysterious white hands -- hanging from a tree by a noose (pictures above and below). And the neighborhood's none too happy (links at bottom).

"This is not a trick or treat," exclaimed local city councilman Charles Barron, who says the sick display conjures of images of black lynchings from the past: "The scarecrow is offensive and reprehensible not only to the black community, but to all those who have a history of persecution or have been victimized by lynch mobs."

But other locals are defending the monstrosity, saying that all the rage is an "overreaction" and pointing out that the same scarecrow has been hung out on that tree for the past six Halloweens without any objections. "It's part of the Halloween spirit," crowed local woman Nicole Clemente.

Meantime the homeowner (political affiliation unknown) is apparently staying mum on the whole situation, while cops yanked down the twisted effigy on their own, saying the homeowner's tree "is considered city property."

Regardless of any racial motives (or lack thereof) here, I've got a quick suggestion for Halloween decorators everywhere: If you're going to put a scarecrow out there, make it look like a damn scarecrow and not a human being. And for God sakes, don't hang the damn thing by a noose from a freakin' tree! You know, pulling off your Halloween decorations without creating an international incident ain't exactly rocket science over here.

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2011/10/20/halloween-decoration-removed-from-brooklyn-home-after-being-called-racist/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2051866/Racist-black-scarecrow-Halloween-decoration-hanging-tree-Brooklyn.html