He Suffered a "Particularly Very Serious Wound to His Scrotum": English Woman Busted for Gnawing Off Her Old Man's Testicles!

It's among some of the first thoughts that naturally come to mind whenever a broad engages in a domestic dispute: Slap his face; Throw a shoe at him; Push him down; Mutilate him by chewing off his balls, etc. It's just a shame when things have to do down that way...

And cops in England say that just's precisely how 44-year-old Maria Topp went down on her old man during a fight between the girlfriend and boyfriend earlier this year. In particular, Maria (pictured above) has "admitted biting off her boyfriend's testicles."

Cops say the old lady was drunk during her late night shark attack on her old man's crotch, although I'm not altogether sure what led cops to that conclusion. And at least the old lady didn't go canniballs like so many of these deranged freaks recently:

Instead, Maria apparently spit out said genitals once she'd chomped them off, giving her old man the opportunity to collect the family jewels and have them "re-attached" at the local hospital. But before you say ball's well that ends well, there's still the little matter of the old lady's crime.

Maria might've wanted to keep her mouth shut about the incident afterward. It seems that if she had only twisted off the old man's scrotum with her hands, she would have faced a lesser criminal charge. But prosecutors say her admission that she bit off the nut sack means a tougher charge. "It is an aggravating feature that she used her teeth," prounounced one of the prosecutors.

Still, though, she's reportedly only facing a maximum of five years for her heinous little meatball feast. And listening to some of the judge's statements, I wouldn't be surprised if she never serves a day.

Following Maria's guilty plea, the judge basically threw up his hands and talked to the maniacal mistress as if she was the judge's 10-year-old daughter who'd just caught smoking in the shithouse. "I have no idea what I am going to do with you," lamented the judge.

One "option," the judge continued, may be to "lock you up." What a hardass! I guess a man's package is not his castle across the pond. Dine away, ladies!

http://edition.myjoyonline.com/pages/oddity/201110/75394.php
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2053348/Woman-admits-biting-boyfriends-testicles-face-years-jail.html