Monday, December 5, 2011

You Could Even Put Lipstick on This Pig: Female Artist Goes Hog Wild, Lives Buck Naked in Squalor in a Damn Pig Pen for Over Four Days!



If that don't absolutely beat a pig a-peckin'! She's 30-year-old Korean "artist" Miru Kim, and visitors to the Art Basel Miami Beach art show didn't exactly have to buy a pig in a poke this week to see her (all of her). Nothing hidden. They could see it all right through the display glass!

It's all a part of Kim's art exhibit (entitled "I Like Pigs and Pigs Like Me"), which has this stark-naked swine lover "staying in a pen" with a couple of pigs for 104 straight hours like some deranged version of a BLT sandwich eaten from a trough. She won't be fittin' to roll with a pig after that!

The makeshift pig pen and its bare-skinned inhabitant are prominently featured at the front of the art show, allowing visitors (apparently including some little kids; see below) to gawk at the buck naked boar lady to their little hearts' content.

Now you might think that Kim's intentions here stretch little past the obvious one of garnering Net publicity and having demented blogsters write about her. After all, her previous "work" has been highly exhibitionist and has included being photographed nude in an oddball assortment of strange places, such as on top of abandoned buildings (see below), in old tunnels and on bridges.

However, Kim claims she also has artistic intentions here as well that extend beyond merely showing off her porkbelly: "When I mingle with pigs, I feel my existence more than ever," she oinked. And that's fine, I guess, so long as we don't have to smell her existence in that pig pen.

Kim says she developed a "strong attachment" to pigs when she watched one get dissected in a classroom while she was a student at Columbia University in New York. Because, after all, there's little that tends to bond man to animal more than seeing the animal's dead carcass get its guts hacked into by Professor Plumb down in Biology 101.

Explaining further, Kim says that prior pig dissection "is when I noticed that their anatomy and skin color is close to ours." This raises a good point, since come to think of it -- my snout, hooves and pointy ears really aren't all that far removed from those of a pig. Stick a fork in this side of bacon, I'm done!

This reportedly ain't the first time Kim's entered the ol' pig pen, either, as she makes a regular practice of entering the pen and rolling around in the muck and mire: "Pigs are sensitive, intelligent creatures and when I enter the pen with them on these farms they react with fear or curiosity at first," squealed Kim.

But she says she wanted to do a live performance this time since damn pesky still photographs can only tell you so much: "I want people to feel the process of my body mingling with pigs, the sense of touch that is harder to grasp in the final photographs." And since I know about as much about living with pigs as a hog knows about Sunday, I'm just gonna have to trust her on that one.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

She Allegedly Served Thanksgiving Breast in Exchange For Some Gravy: Buxom Bike Broad Allegedly Bangs 15-Year-Old Boy at Turkey Day Family Gathering!



[For Jimmy Van Gobble:]

Jeezal Peezal, Coach Petrillo, I've been going to these damn Thanksgiving gatherings my whole life, and all I ever gots out of it was a lousy 10 extra pounds and Uncle Ed razzin' me about how many damn mashed potaters I'd polished off. And I sure as hell never got any Late November Lovin' from some hot invited guest...

"The scene unfolded at a family gathering" held on Thanksgiving late last month in Spring, Texas. Cops there say 23-year-old bosomy motorcycle racer Amanda Billiris (pictured at the top and below) attended the event with a little more on her mind Kawasakis and cranberry sauce.

Allegedly, this big-balconied biker babe was lookin' to rev up her multicylinder engine and pop something more than just a wheelie on a certain unsuspecting 15-year-old male victim who happened to be in attendance.

And this voluptuous velocipede vamp was allegedly none too discrete in riding this boy like he was a Honda touring bike, since multiple relatives of the kid say they spied this dirty T-Day deed going down right there on the premises before someone finally broke it up. No word whether a two-stroke or four-stroke engine, or any Wankel on the ol' wanker, might have been involved.

Regardless, this robust road girl did reportedly suffer a "severe blow to the head" during a 2009 motorcycle crash, which might explain why she's going around lookin' for 15-year-old crankshaft on family holidays (allegedly). Maybe she mistook the kid for a Suzuki roadster and was just trying the kick start him when that damn pesky family busted in?

But this chesty two-wheeler now may have to turn in her teen male sidecar for a modified old lady of the chopper variety, as cops have nailed her Harley hide with charges of felonious sexual assault of a child -- meaning up to 20 years in the hag hoosegow. Which would officially make the greenbean casserole that day the most expensive dish served up in Texas since Anna Nicole Smith shacked up with that decaying old oil Dutch oven back in the '90s AD.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2011/12/amanda_billiris_police_relativ.php
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2069622/Woman-arrested-caught-having-sex-15-year-old-boy-Thanksgiving-Day.html

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Another Day, More Right-Winger Allegations of Left-Slanting Media Bias. Complete Bunk, As Usual...

The gop-ers love to rail on and on about the so-called "mainstream" media (ABC, CBS, CNN, NBC, MSNBC, New York Times, Washington Post, etc.) being incessant advocates for the American left and its democrat party. Hearing more of that drivel on the radio Friday, I went right to the top of the alleged list (ABC News) and looked for any shred of evidence that might vindicate the deranged right-wingers' tired old argument.

Here's what I found on ABCNews.com under its list of the Top 10 currently trending political video stories late Friday night:

-"Mr. Press Secretary, What's Gorilla Dust?"
-"Herman Cain: 'I Am Reassessing' "
-"Gingrich Compares Wife to Nancy Reagan"
-"Gingrich: Individual Mandate Is 'Unconstitutional' "
-"Obama Lights New National Christmas Tree"
-"Gingrich: 'I'm Going to Be the Nominee' "
-"Newt Gingrich Clarifies Child Labor Comments"
-"Michelle Obama Unveils White House Christmas to Kids"
-"Obama Grabbed, Yanked Forward By Enthusiastic Hand Shaker"
-"Cain Deflects 'Character Assassinations' "

As should be immediately evident from this list of Top ABC News political stories, there's no shortage of hard-hitting news coverage about the Obamas. Shit, four of Top 10 stories deal exclusively with the Obamas and/or the White House. Who the hell says they get a free pass? (Below photo courtesy of current ABCNews.com).

And then let's turn to the stories covering the republic partisans. Two focus on Newt Gingrich's high level of confidence in himself -- an attribute for which the electorate is absolutely starved when it comes to its presidential candidates. If anything, those stories could be viewed as center-right-leaning treatments when it comes to the former speaker. Another story further grants Gingrich the opportunity to clarify some of his earlier highly controversial comments. Who would do that if they were biased against Gingrich? (Below photo courtesy of current ABCNews.com).

Next we have two headlines containing admittedly very pithy quotes from the Hermanator demonstrating his stick-to-it-ive-ness when it comes to carrying on the campaign fight in face of myriad scandalous allegations about his past dealings with women. ABC News might even be accused here of carrying the Cain Train's water by making him out to be some sort of determined Rocky or Gen. Patton-like figure. (Below photo courtesy of current ABCNews.com).

So where's the bias? I ain't seeing no evidence of anything like that. Just more exaggeration by the gop-ers. I mean, what's next from those guys? An allegation that the mainstream media only focuses on negative gop-er stories and positive democrat ones, or that they just hate Herman Cain because he's black?

Friday, December 2, 2011

They May Want to Change Horses in Midstream: Playboy's Barbi Twins Outraged at Obama & Others For Lifting of Horse Slaughter Ban...



I'd say former Playboy playmates Shane and Sia Barbi (apparently previous Obama supporters) backed the wrong horse in 2008 AD. The two self-styled horse advocates are making more noise than a gelding on the chopping block after Obama this week signed legislation lifting the 5-year ban on horse slaughter for meat.

These two bosomy buckaroos may look as healthy as a horse, but they were just champing at the bit this week to take to Twitter to blast Obama and Wyoming state lawmaker Sue Wallis (a leading supporting of lifting the ban) -- whom the Barbis refer to affectionately as "Slaughterhouse Sue." Their Tweet said:

"Obama screwed up & caved n 2 Slaughterhouse SueWallis. Many excuse Obama sayn he didn't know what he sign! He caved n 2 Slaughterhouse SueWallis the devil!"

These two buxom bronco broads also weren't holding their horses when it came to an e-mail they put out to stud this week: "While Obama was pardoning a turkey, he abandoned our horses," neighed the roughriding tandem. But by attacking the leftist 20 percenter Obama, might they just be looking a gift horse in the mouth?

Regardless, even more of this shapely pony pair's horsey ire seems directed at ol' Slaughterhouse Sue (pictured below), whom the Barbis describe as a "pro horse slaughter" gop-er politician. (Try running for office on that platform, BTW: "Send me to the statehouse, and I'll see to it that horses are butchered from one side of this state to the other, since I'm the only Pro-Horse Slaughter candidate in this race!").

The Barbis have apparently put Slaughterhouse's Sue personal phone number out there on the Net, imploring people to call the lawmaker and tell her to get off her high horse. "How lovely of them to blast my personal information to the world," whinnied Ms. Slaughterhouse in response. Better break out the riding crop.

Also straight from the horse's mouth, Slaughterhouse Sue says that before people kick up their heels at her too much, they should rest assured that she's "not out to hunt down every Mr. Ed in American farmhouses." (Wilbur Post and his voluptuous blonde bombshell wife Carol just snorted a huge collective sigh of relief).

Ms. Slaughterhouse also actually claims that allowing horse slaughter "improves horse welfare" by giving horse owners an outlet for selling off their old plugs instead of inhumanely "dumping them out in the desert." (And indeed, it is a load of my mind that when my mare Flossy gets old and worthless, I won't have to truck her from Missouri down to the Arizona desert after all).

When she's not being a republic partisan, Slaughterhouse Sue also heads an organization called "United Organizations of the Horse" (apparently having no connection to Duran Duran's "Union of the Snake"), which has been beating this issue like a dead horse for years with the Barbi twins.

Ms. Slaughterhouse's organization has even reportedly put the two chesty horse lovers on a "black list" of political opponents (presumably similar to the Obama and Nixon "enemies list"). And that's precisely what has to be done with people who disagree with you -- since, after all, while you can lead a horse to water, you damn sure can't make him drink.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1211/69542.html

Thursday, December 1, 2011

"Fighting Is What Rednecks Do!" Man Allegedly Goes After His Son with a Shotgun, Then Tries to Escape Charges By Claiming He Was Just Being a Redneck!


I would call it "the ol' redneck defense," but frankly I've never heard of this one before. But something tells me it ain't gonna fly. It's basically akin to whacking somebody out and then claiming, "that's just what we killers do." Or maybe next we'll get an undertaker who sets fire to his wife but claims that "cremating people is just a part of the family business."

Regardless, this whole story (link at bottom) first got off to a shocking start when 43-year-old Mark Wach (pictured above) of Palm City, Florida started hitting the bottle at home and got all liquored up on alcohol (allegedly). Now let the gun play begin!

First off, Wach apparently had a big beef with the family lawnmower, since he pulled a pistol on the yard-grooming contraption and proceeded to shoot the hell out of it (allegedly). Next turning his attention to the living, Wach then allegedly took his sidearm and started up a row with his 18-year-old son.

Junior managed to wrestle the handgun away from Daddy, but Junior's old man was not about to be deterred. Not by a long shot. Wach next allegedly went and got a big shotgun and started going after Junior with that! But Junior somehow managed to also get the 12-gauge pump action shotgun away from Daddy Butter Fingers.

Left with only his fists to throw around at this point, Wach allegedly started scuffling with Junior right out in the front yard. (No word whether the lawnmower played any role in the impromptu hardcore match).

When cops arrived, Wach was apparently in no mood to have to wait for his next fight. When Wach refused to stop fighting (allegedly), cops shocked his redneck ass with a 50,000 volt stun gun! End of incident, right? Wrong.

This fightin' lawn pugilist wasn't gonna let some itty bitty stun gun blast stop him! He allegedly managed to keep up the fight with Junior until cops had tased him three damn times just to get the old man off the kid.

As the cops cuffed him and stuffed him, Wach reportedly questioned what it was he did that was so wrong and that deserved a trip to the hoosegow: "Fighting is what redneck people do," Wach allegedly pleaded with the officers. And that wasn't his only defense.

As for the gun play, Wach reportedly explained to officers that "I shoots in the yard all the time." If only the Son of Sam had thought of that one ("No one ever complained before when I rubbed someone out!").

Now Wach may have to exchange his guns for a shank when his next fight time rolls around, since cops threw his ass in the can and charged Wach with domestic battery and aggravated domestic assault with a firearm. But that's only if the prosecutor can manage to overcome that shrewd redneck defense.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/11/28/UPI-NewsTrack-Quirks-in-the-News/UPI-46711322519400/?spt=hs&or=on

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

"You're Old Enough to Kill, But Not For Votin' ": Idiot gop-er Presidential Candidate Rick Perry Doesn't Even Know the U.S. Voting Age!


Someone should stick this deranged right-winger republic partisan in an H.G. Wells time machine and transport his sorry ass back to 1968 AD, since I think he'd fit right in with those times as a part of the Nixon team. (The individual we currently have as president and his very Nixonian administration would fit in well there too, but that's a topic for another day...)

In particular, the news this mid-week has Rick Perry flubbing the U.S. voting age (not to mention the 2012 AD election date), as he told an audience of Gen Y punks that "he'd appreciate their vote if they were turning 21 by November 12." Must've woken up on the wrong side of the Texas shithouse, this Perry.

His Joe Biden/Herman Cain-style gaffe conjures up images of Barry McGuire's rather pedestrian '60s AD protest tune, "Eve of Destruction" (video at bottom), and its famous line about kids then being "old enough to kill but not for votin'."

The line referred to the patently absurd state of the law in the mid-to-late '60s AD, when an 18, 19 or 20-year-old could be drafted (or enlist) to "go and kill the yellow man" (Springsteen) in Vietnam while not being permitted to vote until the age of 21.

The 26th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution changed all that in 1971 AD by bestowing 18-year-olds with a constitutional right to vote. To this day, however, 18-year-olds in most or all states are still old enough to go kill in some foreign hellhole but are forbade by law from drinking so much as a damn Keystone Ice. The mindlessness of such a complete legal contradiction nearly rivals the ridiculousness of the pre-1971 AD voting age.

But of course, all of these various facts are completely lost on the goofy Texas governor Perry. He truly is little more than smart enough to talk, but not for completin' (coherent sentences). And that's only when he can remember what he believes in. Which is no guarantee or small potatoes for this fool.


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Love in a Mausoleum? I'd Prefer an Elevator, and What Gives with Hitting a Graveyard For a Weekend-Long Date?!?



I guess the funeral parlor was all booked up that weekend. Because why else would Ryan Gosling take his "Hollywood lovebird" Eva Mendes to "spend a romantic weekend in a graveyard"?!? It was the world-famous Pere Lachaise Cemetery in Paris (reportedly the final resting spot for the likes of such people as rocker Jim Morrison as well as Oscar Wilde), but does that really make any difference? It's still a damn graveyard.

And unless you're conducting full-blown genealogical research, what the hell do you do all weekend in a graveyard, anyway? "Oh look, dear -- what a truly lovely sarcophagus, and just get a load of the finish on that quaint little crypt over there!" I mean, even that sort of foolishness is going to kill, what? 15-20 minutes tops?

I guess one thing that might take a little longer than that (maybe) would be a little boot hill booty. A little graveyard love. Cemetery sex, baby! But while I've heard of such a thing going down in the dead of night on top of a grave or a nice long cool marble stone, never before had I heard of (or even contemplated) doin' it inside a mausoleum in broad daylight!

It's not known whether Gosling and Mendes went quite that far, but one thing is clear: They did at one point "duck into a family vault for some couple time," reportedly (picture above). I guess in addition to the funeral parlor, the Ritz had no vacancies either.

And besides, what's a few creepy vaults and a dingy old burial chamber between a couple of lovers, right? Personally, I'd just want a decent shithouse in there so that I could freshen up after the deed. Do they have such facilities inside mausoleums? Always kinda wondered about that. What about a kitchenette? If so, you got me at hello. And you don't even have to look like Eva.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/international/loves_her_to_death_CiA7RSrvCFlGBlyFr4JQNI

Monday, November 28, 2011

At Occupy Wall Street, We've Seen: Filth; Crime; Disease; Loons; Kooks; Bums; Violence; & Anti-Semitism. But Now the Topper : "Gay Porn Video Shoot"!



Just when one might have thought he'd seen it all when it comes the leftist 20 percenter gatherings referred to by some as "occupy protests," the news comes down over the Thanksgiving weekend that the Oakland version of the encampments has added a new filthy feather to the stinky carcass that has come the symbolize modern left-wing America and the democrat party that it props up: A tent devoted to filming gay porn!

And we ain't talking some rather beautiful lesbian porn over here. No Sir-eee. This be the male-on-male hardcore variety, produced by an outfit called "Dirty Boy Video." Working title for the first film? Occupy My Throat, reportedly. And just get a load (no pun intended) of the film's tagline: "Police can ban the erection of tents at Occupy Wall Street, but they can't keep us from pitching a tent in our pants."

Now that the first title, Occupy My Throat, is apparently in the can, and given the propensity of the porn industry for always producing myriad sequels and take-offs of every single lame-ass porn idea and title, I've little doubt that Occupy My Throat is only the beginning. I'm just wondering how long it's gonna take for Dirty Boy Video to produce some of these titles down in a tent in the middle of the whackos:

-Anarchy in the Tube Steak

-Book Me Good with Your Billy Club, Officer

-Give that Banker the Wanker!

-Hobo With a Lovegun

-I'm So Hungry I Could Eat a Sandusky Summer Sausage

-Kookie Lefty, Lend Me Your Condom

-Liberal Hop on Top

-Long Dong Leftist

-Meat & Greet at the Pipefitters Local

-MoveOn Over Here Man & Wave Your Magic Wand

-
No Riches, No Britches, No Bitches


-Protest My Power Drill

-Ron Jeremy Shows Michael Moore Who's Fat

-Rude Rod Rammin' on the Rubbish Pile

-Skin Flute Solidarity

-Socialist Schlong Song

-Tent Totin' Tallywhacker

-Tentside Tussle with Russell the Love Muscle

-There's Something Happening Here In My Ass

-We Got the Shaft Down on Ball Street

-Wee Wee Are the 99%

-Zuccotti Pork Sword


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/23/occupy-oakland-gay-porn-_n_1110985.html

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Pulling Out of Congress But Pushing Into Porn? Disgraced Politician Anthony's Weiner Spotted with Cheesy Porn Mustache in the Big Apple This Weekend



We wondered about this. Earlier this year, when democrat party U.S. congressman Anthony's Weiner was getting shredded through the meat grinder for tweeting out pictures of his package to young ladies not his wife, it was widely surmised that Weiner might stick it out in Congress since, frankly, he's really not qualified to do much of anything else.

It was even speculated in this space that Anthony's Weiner might have to shrink to the level of embarking upon a porn career -- perhaps with sexy wife and Hillary Clinton gofer Huma's Weiner in tow -- just for his meat to make ends meet. This stiff suggestion was largely in jest at the time, but maybe I should have taken it more seriously, since Anthony's Weiner is really starting to look the part:

As pictured at the top, the disgraced former leftist congressional hothead was spotted strutting around lower Manhattan on Black Friday sporting a bona fide cheesy porn 'stache "reminiscent of the one made infamous by adult-film legend John 'Johnny Wadd' Holmes [pictured below] in the XXX-rated 1970s." (Link to full New York Post story at bottom).

And before I need to hear any democrat party spin that Anthony's Weiner probably just resolved not to shave over the holiday weekend, Weiner's new "Johnny Wadd" private dick persona is particularly startling since the photos from his Twitter scandal "revealed that he's not a fan of hair anywhere on his body."

So given that dude apparently loves his razor even more than a Nancy Pelosi earmark, why in the hell would Anthony's Weiner be tooling 'round town looking like John Holmes' ghost if he wasn't about to insert Anthony's Weiner into the porn realm?

I just hope it's the straight game that Weiner has his one eye on, and that he's not looking to head down to the "occupy wall street" protests to get in on some of the gay porn that's reportedly been going down (in more ways than one) in one of the tents. (Yep, sad but true -- but that's tomorrow's post.) Please Weiner: If that tent be a rockin'...

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/queens/weiner_rated_stache_h16WPFjwd5dQnTTauwSqOM

Saturday, November 26, 2011

"Obama: Let's Overcome Partisan Gridlock." Meantime, Count Dracula: "Let's Rise Above Indiscriminate Blood-Sucking"...



Far from its moniker of "Black Friday," yesterday was more like Gray Friday, with cloudy skies, a cold wind, and an overall gloomy disposition. And for that reason, I'd like to thank the individual we currently have as president for at least making me break out in laughter when I saw that the theme of his so-called Thanksgiving address was "Let's Overcome Partisan Gridlock."

I'm just surprised he didn't toss in, for good measure, a gratuitous, "Let's Grow Beyond Being Radical Partisan Ideologues," while he was at it. And then maybe, as well, "Let's Get Past Politics and Campaigns Dictating Every Single Action We Take." Shit, he would have been on a damn roll at that point! But alas, my prior invitations to this white house to add me as a consultant to their speech writing team have yet to garner even a polite declination. Their loss.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2011/11/24/obama-lets-overcome-partisan-gridlock/

Friday, November 25, 2011

Just Think: When Her 51-Year-Old Hubby is 75, His 17-Year-Old Bride's Face May Look Something Like ... 110!!!



And then they'll be asking his sorry old hide, "Why'd you ever marry that old prune?" It's the highly controversial couple up close and personal: 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchinson and his 17-year-old teen bride, Courtney Stodden. 17, uh? More like 17 going on 40, and I ain't even talking about her big (alleged) fake rack!

The current set of pics comes from the alleged 17-year-old "stepping out" this week in a "tight white top which showed off her large chest" as she joined her old man (literally) "to take sacks of clothing to a donation center." [Kudos to the cool charity work, all kidding aside.]

But it wasn't all just charitable business over there, as the young Courtney was observed to make damn sure she "ensured she flashed her famous chest in the tiny white boob tube." And since this gal ain't even technically of age (allegedly), I gots no comment on the merits of any of that.

However, the main issue I spotted here was that face. Sure, looks great, very pretty. But if Courtney's truly only 17, what gives with the New Jersey Sopranos, late-30's trying to look like she's still young, gun moll look? Last time I saw a face like that, Silvio Dante was trying to whack it out in the Rancocas Woods off the Turnpike. And now we don't talk about Adriana no more. Jeezal peezal.

And just think what that alleged teenage mush is gonna look like when she's really 35 or 40? Or, dare I ask, 50 even? She may at that point make her old man look like a damn spring chicken who's still a fuzzy shade a' yella.

Tell me now: Who really got the short end of this alleged May-September romance? Only Courtney turning 60 (errr, 35) will bring an answer to that particularly sordid question, methinks.