A "Teachable Moment" this 4th of July from the Leftist 20 Percenter Perspective: The National Anthem Is an "Abomination" that We Should Get Rid Of...

...Those were the words of leftist 20 percenter radio pundit Bill Press in June (link at bottom).  I ignored the story at the time (since loony left-wingers and deranged right-wingers say incredibly outlandish things every day -- who has time to keep up?).  But Press' frankly not-so-unbelievable rant seems very topical this Fourth of July.  Said Press:

-"It is a major crusade of mine to get rid of the Star-Spangled Banner," he said, the like of which he calls an "abomination."

-Press says also he's "embarrassed" by the song, and in particular its inappropriate use of the phrase, "land of the free and home of the brave."  (Since, after all, the concept of "freedom" has always been a foreign one in the United States of America, and don't even get started on the "brave" part!)

-Explains Press: "Are we Americans the only ones who are brave on the planet?  I mean, ALL the brave people live here?  I mean it's just stupid I think. I'm embarrassed, I'm embarrassed every time I hear it."

Now, this is the so-called "Teachable Moment" (as His Majesty might ordain) because it illustrates the honest world view and view of this country held by so many of the leftist 20 percenters (i.e. the roughly 20% of the American population who call themselves devout "liberals" and "progressives" and who control and bankroll the sick modern incarnation of the democrat party).

Many leftist 20 percenters disdain this country as it has largely existed since 1776, and they desire a transformation to a radically different country than the one that most of the rest of us grew up in and have grown to love:

They want a far-leftist state in which the power and size of the federal government and bureaucracy is grown just as large as it possibly can be (paid for by running up even more stifling national debt and by taxing the living shit out of the middle and upper classes).  They want a system under which the wise "intelligent elite" leftists, through that massive bureaucracy, can dictate to all of us moronic common people the best decisions and ways to live and lead even the most humdrum aspects of our everyday lives.  And those things are just for starters...

So that's who they are (by way of background), but that's not really the main point of this post.  My main objective is to show a real-life example (Bill Press) of one of these creatures being honest and honestly expressing publicly what he/she really believes.

You see, the leftists do that sort of thing (i.e., act honestly) so infrequently!  They usually try to hide who they are and what they really want to accomplish (since that stuff don't play so well in elections with the rest of the country, and most namely with my beloved Independents).  See, e.g., One Barack Obama as a poster-child and Exhibit A for what I'm talking about (although I knew precisely who he was in 2008, and therefore voted for neither him nor Tired Old Man McCain).

In the 3.5 year history of this The Independent Rage blog, I've been very consistent in trying to give an ounce of credit (and very honest credit) when these leftists actually speak freely about what they really believe and want to do.  Because then we can just debate substance without all the dishonest pretense.  So Bill Press receives kudos from me on this Fourth of July, even if his far-leftist sentiments -- on the substance -- are met with my complete contempt.

http://www.examiner.com/article/liberal-talk-show-host-bill-press-national-anthem-an-abomination

One Big Boob Job of a Plan: "Buxom Bandit" Broad in Australia Allegedly Knocks Over a Gas Station After Opening Up Her Blouse But NOT Thinking to Cover Her Other Melon at the Same Time!

Either this broad really likes to show off her cleavage in public, or else she thought the attendant would be so busy staring at them big bazongas that he wouldn't be able to remember a facial description to give to the cops.  Psssst to Bosomy Bust Babe: Next time, try a damn ski mask! (And cover them surveillance cams for chrissakes!).

Cops down under say this big bazoomed 20-something Aussie babe is on the run for the moment, following her knife-wielding stickup job, but they say she probably "won't evade capture for long" given her "series of schoolgirl blunders" (links to full story at bottom)...

One such gaffe would be forgetting to cover that mug under a mask (always the first rule of any gas station owl job).  Also, failing to wear a baggy, closed top (which would've concealed that very distinctive pair of fun bags) wasn't the sharpest of moves either, truth be told. 

During her big rack attack, this stacked-up skirt also reportedly wore a glove to conceal fingerprints -- but only one glove for some unknown reason (maybe she really did need the loot in order to afford a full pair). Topping off the missteps from this well-endowed comic caper was this shapely little dish's failure to cut (or at least hide) them long blonde locks -- making her, again, even easier to identify.

Ultimately, cops say this voluptuous moll wannabe got away with only a small amount of money from this half-baked piece of work. But hey, even Bonnie Parker had to start somewhere, no?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/02/buxom-bandit-robs-gas-station_n_1642874.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2167608/Buxom-Bandit-Australian-policemen-line-investigate-case.html

How Does One Follow from the Other?: Texas Woman Allegedly Leaves Injured Kids at Scene of Car Wreck in Order to Go Strip Down Buck Naked & Eat Ice Cream!

They say that come summer, folks in Houston get hotter than a tick in a tin-roofed Alabama shithouse.  I guess so, too. Because why else would a local woman allegedly leave her injured kids at the scene of a car crash and make a beeline to the nearest CVS in order to strip down naked and polish off a frozen treat? Must've been 150 degrees that day (and damn it, she wasn't gonna stay in that hot car any longer!)...

Cops in Houston say the freakish chain of events (perhaps a first of their kind in recorded human history) got started with a bang that day, as 34-year-old Stephanie Dillard (pictured above) reportedly plowed her car into a city bus (link to full story below). Her three kids, also in the car, were reportedly "shaken up" and sustained minor injuries -- including her 5-year-old, who "suffered a large gash over one eye."

Dillard's reaction?  Maybe call an ambulance? Or take the kids to the hospital?  Nope, none of the above.  Instead, Dillard allegedly chose the next most natural and logical option, meaning she took off on foot in search of the first joint where she could get her hot little hands on some nice cool ice cream (allegedly). Of course! What else would she possibly do at that point?



Dillard next found her dairy delight at a nearby CVS, but that apparently just wasn't quite enough the cut the ol' custard with her.  Either because of that stifling heat, or because she didn't want to drip any meltings on her threads, Dillard's next step -- as she continued to enjoy the ice cream -- was allegedly to throw a little strip show right there in the damn drug store!

And I guess this disrobed dessert lover (allegedly) didn't see anything too unusual in this whole scene; you know, a broad in her birthday suit sucking on the soft serve inside the CVS. So maybe that's why cops say she gave them such a chilly reception and put up a big fight when they tried to slap the ol' cuffs on her bare-skinned behind.

Now this stark-naked sorbet skirt faces up to two years fully-clothed in the local freezer (the kind with bars), as cops lowered the big chill on her with a 1/2 gallon's worth of child endangerment charges -- perhaps making this the saddest case of bare-ass brain freeze in recent recollection.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2161567/Naked-mom-eating-ice-cream-drug-store-leaving-INJURED-children-wrecked-car.html

ObamaCare Monstrosity Upheld: I Told Right-Wingers They Shouldn't Party After Oral Arguments. Besides, the Damn Thing Was Gonna Have to be Repealed Anyway...

I recall the little celebrations the right-winger gop-ers had following the Supreme Court oral arguments on the ObamaCare Obamanation. They thought that since the Justices had grilled Obama's lawyer pretty hard, the Court would ultimately give them a ruling striking down the law's "individual mandate" requiring people to buy health insurance...

It was also in this space where I warned the republic partisans that they shouldn't be celebrating, since oral argument questions are often a terrible predictor of how a case on appeal is going to be ruled upon (been there, done that).  Told ya so, you right-wing freaks!

Regardless, AT MOST the Court could have struck down the "individual mandate," but I thought there was little chance in hell they'd strike down the whole law.  And by all accounts, Obama and his minions were prepared to march ahead full-steam on implementing the law even if the "individual mandate" had fallen.

So bottom line:  That damn piece of far leftist legislation was going to have to be repealed by Congress anyway, regardless of how the Court ruled (assuming I'm right, as I nearly always am, that the chances of the Court throwing out the entire law were slim and none).

That's why I still look with so much gloom on those two dark days -- "Black Christmas" and "Sunday Bloody Sunday" -- when the democrat party rammed that rotten piece of unpopular, massive far-leftist legislation right down the throats of the American people. You see, it can only be repealed, in all likelihood, if the gop-ers (in addition to controlling the House) win a supermajority (60 seats) in the Senate and win the presidency...

And I can't see that happening anytime soon.  The only time in my entire life that either rotten party had that kind of power was the democrat party in 2009 and early 2010 -- that's extremely rare and not likely to occur for either pathetic party in the foreseeable future (thank God, truth be told).  So better get used to ObamaCare. 'Fraid we may be stuck with that awful creature for awhile.

http://washington.cbslocal.com/2012/06/28/supreme-court-rules-on-obamas-health-care-law/

Postscript:  I've already heard today a few ardent deranged right-wingers, such as Michelle Bachmann, threatening to repeal ObamaCare in the Senate with a mere 51 votes with the very same slimy budgetary procedural gimmick ("reconciliation") that the democrat party used to enact ObamaCare in the first place on Sunday Bloody Sunday.  IF the republic partisans stoop to that sewer rat level, I will condemn their sorry doctrinaire asses just as vehemently as I did when the democrat party used that Slimeball tactic.  But then again, I'm actually consistent in my positions.  Since I'm not a partisan.

Forget the National Debt, the Economic Crisis in Europe, & Our Two Rotten Political Parties: HERE'S REAL Proof Positive that Judgment Day May Soon Be Upon Us!...

...It's the 2012 edition of Parents Gone Very Wrong from The Chive website (via the UK Daily Mail; link below), with selected pictures above.  My only question:  The old man who takes his little shit into the strip joint -- Is that really so wrong? Ever heard of the phrase, "No Harm, No Foul"?  What's that little punk gonna remember after the fact, anyway?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2158675/Will-learn-Another-set-worrying-pictures-parents-so-wrong.html

Stink 'Em Up: 72-Year-Old Man "Accused of Threatening Farting New Jersey Neighbor with a Gun"!

There are many ways of reacting to a stinkpot who goes around breaking wind in public: A raised eyebrow. A critical word. A stoic stare. An unapproving nod. Or even, in today's discourse, it seems -- a .32 caliber Smith and Wesson to the noodle. (I just would've hated to see the result if this neighbor had instead talked about the dude's Mama)...

According to cops in New Jersey, 72-year-old Daniel Collins (pictured above) really hates it when folks cut the cheese in his presence.  Either that, or his neighbor is just one hell of a raw ass.  Either way, cops say Collins smelled and cried foul in a big way last week when his neighbor let 'er rip right out there in the apartment complex common area.

Specifically, cops say an "ongoing dispute" between the two concerning the "neighbor's flatulence" finally turned into a combustible methane blast furnace when this stinkweed Neighbor pushed his putrid-smelling luck one time too many by "passing gas near Collins' apartment door."

And I take it that shit didn't just stink, but could've waken the dead, since an alerted Collins was allegedly out that apartment faster than a stinkbug infestation in a Mississippi shithouse.  And Collins didn't burst out there just looking to throw a few fists, neither...

Nope, Collins allegedly came at his smelly neighbor brandishing a .32 caliber piece and proceeded to "point the revolver at the flatulent neighbor" right out there in vestibule!  "I'm going to put a hole in your head," Collins allegedly howled (the head being the logical choice since I'd imagine Collins wanted no part of opening up a second blow hole in that neighbor's rotten ass).

But now Collins may have to take his counter-stink antics down to the local stir, since cops blew their own butt bugle at him with a bevy of filthy charges, including aggravated assault, unlawful possession of a weapon, and "terrorists threats."  Talk about a .32 caliber backfire.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/26/daniel-collins-neighbor-farting-gun_n_1628761.html?ref=topbar

Report: democrat party chairman Patty "Wasserman" Simpson to Get the Pink Slip Come November. But Why? And Will San Fran Nan Take Her Place?

An interesting report early this week from the "Shark Tank" blog (link at bottom), which reports that the democrat party will sack its current national committee chairman, Patty "Wasserman" Simpson, after the November elections regardless of those elections' outcomes.  Two reactions here, and my first one is WHY?

"Wasserman" Simpson has struck me for a couple of years now to be one of the democrat party's most effective political slimeballs, wrapping into one nice little package (1) an ability to be one of the democrat party's best pathological liars and (2) a certain bulldog mentality noticeably absent from the democrat party in the wake of such high-profile exits as those of Anthony's Weiner and Alan Grayson.  (Really though, I'm only being maybe about one-third facetious over here).

My second reaction is to ponder (if this report ultimately turns out to be true) who might be "Wasserman" Simpson's successor as democrat party chairman?  I can nearly guarantee you that speculation will heat up almost immediately as to the possibility of former House Creature San Fran Nancy Pelosi (the living embodiment of the below-pictured former Iraqi propaganda minister Baghdad Bob) as an only too logical replacement to "Wasserman" Simpson...




After all, San Fran Nan is, like, really really old now, and it would make only perfect sense for her to take a more behind-the-scenes position as democrat party chairman, freeing up the slightly younger "Wasserman" Simpson to focus on her own current U.S. House career (maybe she can be House Creature herself someday!?!).

This very convenient switcheroo actually makes even more sense when one considers that I can't think of many nationally known democrat party sleazejobs who could rival "Wasserman" Simpson's penchant for fundamental dishonesty, in nearly every word that comes out of the mouth, as San Fran Nan could.  Now, the aforementioned "bulldog factor" ain't really present with San Fran Nan (is anyone completely perfect?), but the lyin' scuzbucket aspect is exuded in droves by Nan.

So when it comes to a possible "Wasserman" Simpson-for-San Fran Nan swap -- As the old line goes from one of my favorite films of all-time, Dances With Wolves:  "Good Trade."

http://dailycaller.com/2012/06/25/report-debbie-wasserman-schultz-getting-booted-as-dnc-chairwoman-after-november/

"Unlike the 2,000 [American] Death Count in Iraq, ABC, NBC, PBS, MSNBC Skip 2,000 Marker in Afghanistan." What a Shocker!

I will never understand how most leftist 20 percenters and their complicit "mainstream" media will go apeshit in the streets over wars, foreign incursions, death and destruction (and typically, I'll be in agreement with them), but only IF the U.S. president at that particular moment has an "R" next to his name...

In contrast, when the president sports the letter "D," that stands for Dead-Silence when it comes to wars and killing for most of the American far left.

If I've said it once . . . H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E-S.

http://newsbusters.org/blogs/tim-graham/2012/06/21/unlike-2000-death-count-iraq-abc-nbc-pbs-msnbc-skip-2000-marker-afghanis

[Postscript: The linked story notes that CBS News actually broke ranks with their usual "mainstream" media partners in partisan advocacy and reported on the 2,000 American death count in Afghanistan. That's so upstanding of CBS News. Give 'em a freakin' Peabody over there!]

Gettin' Pissy: Leftist Party in Sweden Ordains that "Men Should Urinate Sitting Down"...

...The leftists say it's somehow healthier to sit on the pot to pee and "it decreases the likelihood of puddles" (link below).  Two questions:

1. Are concerns over excess and messy pissing really all that pressing now that the leftists have banned large soft drinks in New York City?

2. Will the leftists next mandate that we all shit while standing up?

(Wink to Marty Funkhouser).

http://dailycaller.com/2012/06/13/separate-and-unequal-swedish-left-party-says-men-should-urinate-sitting-down/

As Obama Tries to Hide Damaging Justice Department "Fast & Furious" Documents Under Hokey Claim of "Executive Privilege," gop-ers Get the Brilliant Idea to Start Comparing Obama to Richard Nixon. How Novel!

...If only I hadn't started making that comparison three years ago and many times since (first set of links below).  In short, Obama's the most Nixonian president since ol' Tricky Dick himself.  I knew that early on in his presidency, in 2009, when Obama's White House encouraged American citizens to rat out any fellow citizen having something "fishy" to say about the proposed Obamacare monstrosity -- not to mention talk of "enemies" and "enemies lists" and various other statements and activities since then that have been only too reminiscent of the disgraced 37th President of the United States (see links).

If anything, Obama's highly questionable assertion of executive privilege yesterday to protect disgraceful Attorney General Eric Holder (second set of links below) is one of the weaker, more pedestrian comparisons that one might make between Obama and Nixon -- although, it does make for a great comparison between Obama and his equally hapless and destructive predecessor, George W. Bush, who (like Nixon and other presidents) also politically seized upon the privilege to try to hide things from the American people.

So I'm sorry, but a day late and a dollar short with the Nixon comparisons, you deranged right-wing gop-er freaks.  And for Sagan's sake, get your own damn material!

http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2010/10/president-nixon-rears-his-ugly-head-yet.html
http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2009/12/obama-threatens-dem-congressman-dont.html
http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2009/08/theres-really-no-need-to-put-me-on.html
http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2011/03/obamas-minions-at-media-matters-go.html 
http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2010/10/karl-rove-accuses-obama-administration.html 
http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2010/01/i-am-not-ideologue-crows-obama-today.html 
http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2011/10/number-nine-number-nine-number-nine.html
  
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/OTUS/40-years-resurgence-presidential-powers/story?id=16598194#.T-KHAhee5rg
http://www.examiner.com/article/obama-evokes-memories-of-watergate-by-invoking-executive-privilege
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/21/us/obama-claims-executive-privilege-in-gun-case.html?_r=1 

Landlord Allegedly "Paid Biker Gang to Drive Tenants Out" of Brooklyn Apartment Building So It "Could Be Used More Profitably." Gee, Never Heard of that Plot Before...

...Except, come to think of it, that was the storyline of just about every other episode of one of my favorite old TV series of the '80s, "The A-Team" (the other half of the episodes involved the Team somewhere in Central or South America taking on slimeballs down there)...

Many love to dismiss the "The A-Team" (including the very producers of the colossal film flop of the A-Team "remake" (in name only) from a few years ago) as an archaic, "campy" treatment of the Good Guys beating the living shit out of the slimeballs.  But maybe, the concept ain't quite so dated.  The scuzjobs are out there -- always will be -- and methinks them poor Brooklyn tenants (link below) could've really used to have hired the likes of The A-Team.  Does Mr. Lee still run that Chinese laundry joint down on West 45th?

http://newyorkpost.com/p/news/local/brooklyn/bikers_make_life_hells_Vl8PQ8DuTBRuUMckioqcPP

Postscript:  The best current throwback to '80s shows such as the "The A-Team" would be Reelz Network's "True Justice," starring Steven Seagal (and rest of cast pictured below), which I believe still has two Friday night episodes left in its current season.  "True Justice" (much like the The A-Team) ain't to be taken too seriously, but it sure is a fun show to watch, mostly for Seagal's karate-chopping exploits on the sleazejobs, not to mention his sidekick Canadian hotties Sarah Lind and Meghan Ory.

"Obama Has Spent Over 3 Months of His Presidency Golfing"! Now If We Could Just Get Him Out of Pocket Even More Often with Some Nice Equestrian or Yachting or Something...

On the heals of Obama last weekend stepping out for his presidency's 100th round of golf -- by some "perceived as a game of the idle rich [that] is generally unavailable to the poor" -- comes the additional revelation that those 100 rounds add up to approximately 3 freakin' months of Obama's presidency right out there on the links (first story link at bottom)! 

Predictably, the deranged right-wingers have been all over Obama early this week for those rather astonishing numbers. Obama's reportedly now played numerous times more golf than even his equally pathetic predecessor W Bush ever did (while leftist 20 percenters such as slimy Obama attack dog David Axelrod excoriated Bush over his presidential golfing (second link below)). But I take a different view from the republic partisans (go figure)...


A part of me wishes Obama would get a tee time every single week, if not multiple times per week.  And with the time that's left over between golf outings, maybe he could take up some new leisure activities: If the above-mentioned equestrian or yachting aren't Obama's tea party, then there's always polo and deep sea fishing in the Hamptons (so quaint, I'm told!). I've even heard the Y's offering a new class in creative leftist brooding.

Point being, the more Obama is distracted from regular presidential activities, the better off I think almost all of us are . . . Unless you happen to be in the 20 percent of the country that would like to see Obama keep his nose to the grindstone thinking up new left-wing initiatives, ways of bypassing Congress through his massive federal bureacracy, and methods of trying to make groups of people hate each other for no good reason.  But as for me: I'll take Obama down in the 9th hole sand over the policy bunker any damn day of the week. FORE!

http://www.whitehousedossier.com/2012/06/17/obama-plays-golf-100th-time-presidency/
http://dailycaller.com/2012/06/13/flashback-axelrod-called-bush-%E2%80%98out-of-touch%E2%80%99-for-playing-golf-in-bad-economy/

Burnt Out: Lightbulb Eating Circus Freak Nabbed After a String of Mostly Unsuccessful Bank Jobs in the Big Apple!

Just look at this freak (pictured at top and below).  He holds some sort of world record for quickest consumption of a light bulb (33.86 seconds).  He swallows swords. He can be seen on YouTube spiking a damn bike spoke through his bicep. And he was recently auditioning for a gig at the Coney Island Freak Show. He had it all. But now he's thrown it all away faster than a big batch of incandescent light bulbs at the White House...

He's 22-year-old R.J. Williams, and cops in NYC say they've finally nailed this freak after a mostly bungled run of some 11 bank jobs over the past few months (netting the freak a rather putrid score of only $14,000 total) (link at bottom).  This freak's latest crazy caper allegedly involved him trying to knock over a Brooklyn bank that he had just tried to rob unsuccessfully the previous week!


Not such a bright move for the bulb eater, as cops say bank workers quickly recognized this sideshow freak and scared him off. A few workers followed the freak around the corner, where Mr. Edison's big getaway plan was reportedly to pull a fast one by changing his shirt!

And like most circus freaks, some balls on this one: New shirt in tow, he allegedly next sashayed his way right past a couple of street cops as if no one would be the wiser.  "He appeared to be texting -- this guy came walking straight past us," one of the cops told the New York Post.

Never ones to look a gift freak in the mouth, cops tossed this freak's bulb-eatin' behind in the can -- where's he gonna have to change his diet: "I don't think they serve 60-watt bulbs as prison food in Rikers," crowed another cop. But a shank through the shoulder, methinks they can muster up. Keep an eye on YouTube.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/dim_bulb_1KmvQWefjjKYCKlfk4Kb8L

"George W. Bush Beheaded on [HBO Series] Game of Thrones"! (Producers: "We Had to Use Whatever Head We Had Lying Around")...

No wonder that numbnut King Joffrey was so keen to order the now-infamous beheading near the end of Season 1!

http://www.540wfla.com/cc-common/mainheadlines3.html?feed=425022&article=10198555

He Had Some Special Sauce for His Special Lady: College Student Allegedly Launches Full-Scale Wasabi Sauce Attack on Girlfriend!

Dudes don't much care for it when the Girlfriend receives texts from an Ex. Some dudes might break it off with the broad. Others might take Girlfriend's phone away. Still others may simply lay down a "no more" ultimatum. But there are also alternative approaches, such as breaking out the wasabi sauce and using it to declare a small war on Girlfriend...

According to The Smoking Gun (link below), last Friday night started off romantically enough between the above pictured 22-year-old Massachusetts college student John McGuinness and his Girlfriend, as the two got their drink on while they watched the Celtics game down at the local Barnstable bar.

But later, somewhere between the bar and home, John says he got wind of Girlfriend receiving texts from "some guy who she slept with in school."  And that's when an otherwise pleasant evening got real saucy real fast...


Girlfriend says she dropped John off at his joint but was summoned back by a text from John saying that he was gonna toss her "$200 pair of jeans" out in the yard.  When Girlfriend arrived back at the home, she says John came out the pad brandishing said jeans -- but with a spicy twist: He had allegedly caked the britches in a nice thick coat of wasabi sauce!

John was allegedly whipped up into a sick sort of fire sauce frenzy at that point, as Girlfriend says he took the sauce-drenched jeans and "whipped me right in the face with them."  It apparently didn't take too long for the sauce's horseradish to do its magic on Girlfriend's eyes, since she says she was temporarily blinded by the attack.


For good measure, Girlfriend says John also threw her to the ground and then proceeded to soak the inside of her car with an avalanche of still more wasabi sauce!  But after cops arrested this alleged hot sauce hothead, he reportedly told them that the car attack was just sauce for the gander: "She's done worse to my car in the past," reasoned John.

He also wants to make it clear for the record that although he had been at a bar that night, it wasn't HIM who was on the sauce: "I want it known that I am not drunk and she is," John reportedly clarified to the cops.

For his alleged horseradish hijinks, John faces three criminal charges, including misdemeanor assault and battery "by dangerous weapon/sauce." I'm just glad he stuck with the wasabi and didn't trot out any of that super-hot mustard they serve at the Chinese joints. Damn felony, that might've been.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/wasabi-sauce-attack-748301