Archie Bunker Would Keel Over in His Chair: A Presidential Race Between a Black Man, a Mormon & Two Catholic VP Candidates (Including a Kraut-Mick)! Too Bad the Choice Is Between Obama & Romney...

This will be an historic election in one sense:  The first African-American president and his Roman Catholic VP running against the first Mormon presidential candidate and his a German-Irish Catholic running mate in Paul Ryan (I can say "Kraut-Mick," since I am one).  If you'd told me as a young college student in the early 90s that there would ever be such an election in my lifetime, I would've laughed right in your face.

But that may be one of the few positives about this race, which ultimately pits a narcissistic far-leftist ideologue against a prototypical gop-er politician whom I'm convinced really doesn't stand for much of anything.  Romney, however, did make a good choice in Paul Ryan, speaking from a purely political perspective.  All the democrat party howls this weekend that Romney made a "terrible choice" serve as little more than evidence that they wished Romney had picked someone different (link at bottom).

But people don't vote for vice presidential candidates, and no VP selection has changed the outcome of an election since LBJ delivered Texas (and a lot of other southern votes) to JFK in 1960.  2012 will be no different.  Still, I think Ryan will help Romney far more than he hurts him.  First, Ryan will stir up a right-winger gop-er base that's been very skeptical of Romney, Romney's campaign staff, and the campaign that Romney's so far been running. 

And regardless of what you think of Ryan's conservative politics (he's way to the right of me), he has long struck me (along with Marco Rubio) as one of the most intelligent, well-spoken young gop-ers out there.  Ryan's talent may not be so much for the teleprompter speech, but he has exceptional skills on his feet and is a very good communicator.  Have fun in that debate, Joe Biden.  Because Sarah Palin will be at home primpin' her hair.

http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/313732/smart-democrats-should-be-worried-john-fund

Hark, I Hear Dreadful (Yet Deadly) Music: Old Man Allegedly Shoots His Karaoke-Singing Son in Order to "Shut Him Up"!

It's a part of the parental role, after all: Corrective action. So if Sonny's cursing, the parents should wash his mouth out with soap. If Sonny's stinkin' up the joint, Mama should force him to hit the showers.  And if Sonny keeps belting out tunes despite not being able to sing a lick, then the Old Man should pull a gun and pump some lead into Sonny until he shuts the hell up!

Cops say that's precisely how it went down in Shasta County, California, where 70-year-old Daddy William Oller, Sr. (pictured above and below), is facing trial on attempted murder charges for allegedly "shooting his son to stop him from singing" (link at bottom).

Cops say that day started off gloriously enough, with the Old Man paying a nice family visit to the home of his 50-year-old son (William Oller, Jr.). But things took a turn for the worse, apparently, when Junior quickly took to belting out some old standards, karaoke style, right there in front of the Old Man.

And either Junior has one rotten voice, or else the Old Man has one rotten disposition (or both, likely), since cops say the Old Man soon reached a point where he could stands no more of Junior's performance...

When Junior just kept a' crooning, I figure the Old Man's options were: (a) Go home; (b) Cover the ears; (c) Insert some ear plugs; (d) Sit there and take it; or, of course, (e) whip out a pistol and shut Junior up the old-fashioned way!

And since there are three (e)'s in "demented," I think the Old Man's choice should be readily apparent. Cops say the Old Man first shouted out to Sonny a not-so-cryptic warning in the form of, "I'm going to shut you up!" Then it was out the door for Daddy to allegedly "grab a semi-automatic pistol from his pick-up truck" before heading back inside the joint.

At that point, the karoake machine might as well have been blaring the old Jim Croce song, since the lyrics therefrom (with only a name change) pretty accurately tell the story: "Those two men took to fightin', and when they pulled them from the floor, Junior looked like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple a' pieces gone..."

In short, Sonny's musical act was done for the day after he received multiple .22 caliber gunshot wounds (allegedly) from the Old Man's gun during their scuffle. And the next time Junior has a hankerin' to take to the mic in Daddy's presence, I gots one word of advice for him:  Auto-Tune.

http://www.ksee24.com/news/local/Man-Who-Shot-Son-Over-Karaoke-Dispute-Charged-with-Attempted-Murder-163074676.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2176021/It-annoying-Father-charged-attempted-murder-shooting-son-dispute-karaoke-singing.html

"I Get Up Around Whenever": Polling Place Pandemonium in the Motor City as "Polls Open Late After Official Oversleeps" and THEN Voters Get a Good Frisking Before Being Allowed to Vote!

Who was supposed to open this joint up, anyway, Mr. Brownstone?  They should've known from the old song that he used to get up around seven but no longer gets up on time.  But obviously, a little tardiness at an event can always be made up for with some gratuitous pat-downs, free of charge...

You know, while I very rarely vote for a member of the democrat party or republic partisan party, I do almost always vote. So remind me to stear clear of the Henry Ford High School neighborhood in Detroit.  Because casting a ballot there seems to be a tougher chore than navigating a shark tank with a load of hog jowls and chump-chops strapped all across your ass.

Of course, it's a bit difficult to cast a ballot in the first place if the joint has a big chain and lock on the front door.  But for Tuesday's Detroit elections, "the person who was supposed to open the school reportedly didn't wake up in time to open the doors when polls opened at 7 p.m." (links at bottom; picture of the frenzied scene immediately above).

And after they finally got that door unlocked later in the morning, one poll worker apparently felt the need to conduct a little impromptu security detail on the ol' voters.  After all, packin' heat down at the polling place is one of America's most time-honored traditions.  You can't be too careful.

So, in particular, "some voters were patted down as they entered" the school, just to be safe. Confirmed one of the locals: "There was indeed an individual who was frisking individuals and winding down for weapons." 

But I do personally find all of this to be very instructive in advance of the November elections. Since Detroit shows that you "just never never know," I'm going to be sure to sleep 'til noon on November 6 and leave my stiletto and sidearm at home.  Takin' no chances over here! This Independent will not be disenfranchised.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVYDnQwi3OQ
http://detroit.cbslocal.com/2012/08/07/polling-problems-doors-closed-voters-frisked-in-detroit/

With Friends Like That: "Mitt Romney Wins Coveted Porn Star Endorsement" from Busty Bazonga Broad & Genre Legend Jenna Jameson! But Methoughts the gop-ers Want to Ban Porn?

This Bosomy Big Dawg Bimbo of porn Jameson says she's "looking very forward to a [gop-er] being back in office" (link at bottom).  "When you're rich, you want a [gop-er] in office," bellowed this buxom braintrust.

And she says she ain't believin' that hoofer hype about the deranged right-wingers wanting to put the ol' kibosh on the adult film racket:  "I think a lot of libs or lefties think all cons[ervatives] hate porn. I've always known different. Did Bush destroy my industry? Reagan? Did Bush Senior? NO, we thrived. We always will," posited the plus-sized porn priestess.

Now, when film legend Clint Eastwood gave Romney an endorsement of his own last week, I didn't even bat an eye, since my favorite screen actor of all-time doesn't appear in films anymore.  But Jenna Damn Jameson is still very active!  Which got me thinking...

I'd hate to even know some of the porn titles that may soon be showing up on Jenna's IMDB "filmography," what with her now apparently being an infatuated Romney supporter.  Here's 10 possible titles that may soon be forthcoming, although I'll take a flyer on each and every one of them (except maybe for the one with the science fiction angle -- I'm always a sucker for those pictures):

1.  Mormon Tallywhacker Sire

2.  One-Eyed Oralgamie Outsourcers from Outer Space

3.  Save His Horse, Ride a Romney

4.  Bain Salad Surgery Sluts

5.  Ragin' Right-Wing Rack Attack

6.  Get Your Mitties on My Tig Ol' Bitties!

7.  Full-Figured FlipFlop Floozies

8.  Romneyhood:  Stick It to the Whore

9.  Overseas Ass Gaffes

10.  Erection Day: Jenna Pulls His Lever


http://dailycaller.com/2012/08/06/mitt-romney-wins-coveted-porn-star-endorsement/

Slimeball Harry Reid Cites an "Anonymous Source" for Romney Allegedly Not Paying Taxes For 10 Years, While Former Creature Pelosi Chimes In with Agreement. YAWN! The REAL STORY Is What Did Reid Receive in Return for This Stuff?

I've been hesitant to wade into this one over the past week.  True enough, Slimeball "majority leader" Reid taking to the Senate Floor (citing an "anonymous source" -- LOL!) with baseless accusations of Romney failing to pay any income taxes for 10 years is about as slimy a political maneuver as I've ever seen (truly saying something) in a presidential or any other campaign.  The "word's out" on the street about Romney's tax cheating, crows Reid!

But I have absolutely no dog in the fight.  I'm no Romney supporter, and don't intend to vote for him, just as I sure as freak won't be voting for the most left-wing president in American history, either.  Why would I rant and rave about Reid Being Reid when I couldn't care less about defending the likes of King Flipflopper, Stand-For-Absolutely-Nothing Mitt?

So why am I even talking about it?  Because there's a very interesting purely political angle to all this, that's why -- one which I wish some political reporter or columnist out there would pursue.  (Oh for the Old Days of the likes of ultra-deranged right-winger columnist Bob Novak and his exceptional syndicated column, which excelled at getting at the political story "behind" the story -- regardless of which side it put in a negative light and regardless of Novak's own personal blinded ultra-right-wing world view).

Because here's the thing:  Slimeball Reid would never stick his ultra-partisan little neck out on the line for Obama like this (with these insane accusations against Romney, as Reid plays Obama's latest crazy surrogate of the week) unless Reid has received something pretty damn politically substantial from the Obama White House in return.  I just wonder what the hell that was!!!

Nancy Pelosi, in contrast, I suspect ditto'ed in with her agreement for little if any price at all.  She (unlike Reid, who's much more the pure partisan than an ideologue) is the ultimate far-leftist ideologue -- a former House Creature who could be reelected in her San Fran district for the next 1000 years if only her Botox and big money would allow such a lifespan.  She's politically untouchable, and it shows in the demented things that constantly come out of her completely Zombie-like leftist 20 percenter mouth.

Reid -- not at all the same.  He's a state-wide Senator in Nevada who would've had his sleaze-job ass kicked out of office in 2010 if the gop-ers had run anyone against him other than an inept, creepy goof of a right-winger candidate named Sharron Angle.

In short, a skunk like Reid don't do shit like he's doing now (which has garnered nationwide scorn from the right and plenty of non-right-wingers) unless he's received some very favorable promises from the White House.  So what are those promises?  Do your job for once, political journalists.  But I'm not holding my breath over here, truth be told.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0812/79415.html?hp=l1

HEADLINE: "Get a Locker Room! Why Do Beach Volleyballers Feel Need to Put on Such a Show?" ME: Why in the Freak Would You EVER Ask Why?!?

"Get a Locker Room"??  How 'bout, get a damn life. And a clue. Who wrote that headline, anyway (link below)?  Rick Santorum and Pat Buchanan down at a Texas tea party rendezvous?

Beach volleyball is my favorite Olympic sport, and I don't take too nicely to grouchy old curmudgeons trying to run it down...

I mean, just look at those broads!  They obviously enjoy what they're doing.  They love their teammates and ain't afraid to show it. Besides, what's a little grab-ass amongst girlfriends in the full spirit of Olympic competition?  It's a beautiful sight, I say.

And, in one of the hottest summers in the history of the civilized world, these dames are dressing accordingly.  I love these little numbers and how they conduct their business.

Just keep Mayor Bloomberg the hell away from these ladies.  He might try to milk 'em.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2182839/Olympics-2012-Canadian-Italian-beach-volleyball-stars-hands-other.html

Too Pooped to Pop: "Is Team USA Having Too Much Sex in London?" Disappointing American Olympic Performances Reportedly May Be Due to "Rampant Sex in Olympic Village." And I Think There's Little Doubt...

To wit:

-The US Team is way behind on the gold medal count list and is barely treading water on the overall medal count lead.

-Recently there's been the story that thousands and thousands of condoms ("emblazoned with the Olympic rings") have been "shipped to athletes' dwellings."

-Then there was the recent account by US soccer broad Hope Solo that "the Games are basically just one big, toned orgy."

This set of facts led right-winger website Daily Caller to conclude this week that "it's easy to assume that Team USA's head is buried in the bosom of a fellow athlete rather than focused on the competition."

But how rather crude! No need to pull out and insert sexual hyperbole here.

Rather, three simple words can finish the job much better than a Michael Phelps breast stroke and summarize why sex and athletic training and competition simply never mix (as originally snarled by the below-pictured grumpus Mickey Goldmill in the film Rocky):  "Women - Weaken - Legs!"

So word to the wise, young men: If you've got a game or a match tomorrow, lay off that pet shop dame.

http://dailycaller.com/2012/07/31/is-team-usa-having-too-much-sex-in-london/

Part-Time Stripper & Adult Film Star Octomom Calls for Online Donations to Help Buy Her a New Damn House!

...But you receive no opportunity to glimpse the Octomom naked (even the new enhanced version) if you do contribute.

Hard to say whether that factor will undermine, or actually increase, the number of donations.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2012/07/octomom-nadya-suleman-seeking-online-donations-for-house-payment.html

Big Apple Mayor Bloomberg Ordains that Hospitals Should Lock Up Baby Formula & Give New Mothers a Good Talking To to Try to Coerce Them Into Breastfeeding: Dirty Old Man!

I think he's deranged. Just look at him.  But this is just the latest far leftist, nanny-state-style pronouncement from the "Independent"-in-name-only New York City mayor (first link below), but I'm also detecting another common theme in all of this "progressive" foolishness...

Today's edict  shows the Good Mayor is most def(initely) interested in seeing as many Mamas breastfeeding in public as possible.  Compare that with his recent decree to regulate and ban certain cup, jug and can sizes in Metropolis...

And then there were his statements following the Colorado massacre expressing support for new laws controlling the ability to buy, sell and possess guns and big bazookas.  Bloomberg's also on record as being a leading advocate of NYC dictating people's behavior when it comes to the two giant twins of so-called restaurant health vices (cigarettes and salt).

There's a pattern at play. If I didn't know any better over here (and I don't know any better), I'd say this grumpy old curmudgeon Bloomberg is obsessed with boobs!  I'm talking more infatuated with all things breast than Larry David spottin' a titmouse scurrying around in his pantry (second link below).

I mean, what's next from this guy Bloomberg?  Banning large headlights in the City?  Renaming the local NBA team the New York Knockers?  Replacing every cab and newspaper stand in Manhattan with a damn wet nurse?

Someone really should get this leftist 20 percenter a little help.  He's sick.  Please, some professional help before Mayor Suckling next tries going out on the street and giving suck off his own breast.  In less than 16-ounce increments, of course.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/mayor_knows_breast_WqU1iYRQvwbEkDuvn0vb1H
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbyH9w8zaWY ("Larry David's Obsessed with Breasts")

Filthy Frisbee Freak: Buck Naked Bozo Allegedly Makes Jackass of Himself, Raisin' a Ruckus on Disc Golf Course Before Hiding from Cops in the Hole of a Damn Portable Outhouse!

Let this be a lesson to the cops:  Anytime they're seeking a hiding suspect who just went on a berzerk rampage in a public place, then forget lookin' up them trees.  Forget peeking down the nearby manholes (errr, personholes).  Forget searchin' them vacants and flophouses a few blocks away on skid row.  Instead, before looking anywhere else, find the nearest portable shithouse and take a real close gander down that there poop hole.  Just be sure to bring along a barf bag. Oh, and also maybe a real long grabber pick stick...

Cops in Brunswick, Maine say this was one sick stinkpot (link to full story at bottom).  Instead of heading to the local frisbee (or "disc") golf course looking to work on his long game, the deranged 29-year-old suspect allegedly went short on sense and clothing, stripping down buck naked and going ape right out there on the damn frisbee fairway!

Yep, this demented disrobed divot dork allegedly "went on a tear" out there, gettin' his buck naked business on by first tossing over a bunch of smelly trash cans down by the Leaderboard.  And this daft denuded dufus apparently has a bona fide dirt fetish, since his next step on this rotten piece of work was allegedly to "roll around in the mud" for no good reason.

And what's a putrid depraved punk to do after expending that kind of underdone energy?  Have a seat, of course (and no, we're not even to the shithouse part yet).  Cops say this stitch-less stinkweed creep topped off his little lunatic-of-the-links act by depositing his kooky, bizarre bare-ass in a bunch of (appropriately enough) those diaper-looking little baskets where the frisbee golfers try to toss their big round things.

 Enter 5-0 (finally) right about that time, but ALAS:  Batty bare-skinned bum had made himself more scarce out there on the ol' golf course than Tiger Woods' putting game post-Elin Nordegren.  But luckily for the cops, one of Brunswick's finest (whom I can only assume really had to go) heard something or someone milling around down in the crapper tank of a nearby portable shithouse...

That's right, that was the maniacal malodorous madmen maneuvering around "in the bottom of the portable toilet," although truth be told I have no freakin' idea how cops could tell it was him from a giant stinkbug wallowing around down there in the stench-mired muck.

But regardless, check out this dilemma that was created for cops when their suspect was located down at the bottom of a shithouse!  Cops reportedly first had to "eventually" endeavor to "fish out" this stinky strange brew from his crapper crevice (what, did they let him stew down there for awhile first?).

Next up, they had to garner some garden hoses in order to "spray down" the nasty naked nut-job before they could haul his bonkers breakwind behind off to the hoosegow.  Yep, straight from the shithouse to the big-house.  I'm still pondering whether one would consider that a good or a bad trade for the perp (?).

http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/weird/NATL-Cops-Find-Naked-Suspect-at-Bottom-of-Port-a-Potty-161931475.html

"Man Buys 17-Pound Lobster at Restaurant, Releases It Into Sea." This Story Inspired Me Today...

...So I bought a couple of Monster Thickburgers down at the local Hardees joint, and then I tossed one of them out in a cattle pasture on the outskirts of town.  It really gives one a warm feeling inside, being ecologically friendly.

http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/Man-Releases-17-Pound-Lobster-from-Restaurant---163682766.html

Postscript: I might have instead grabbed some Chick-fil-A and then made a beeline for the nearest chicken coop, but patronizing Chick-fil-A just ain't politically correct these days.  (Or put another way, I'm just not much of a chicken sandwich dude, truth be told).

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-07-25/news/ct-met-chicago-chick-fil-a-20120725_1_1st-ward-gay-marriage-ward-alderman

"I Love Abusing This Kid!" Is This Connecticut Broad the Worst Mom EVER After Allegedly Documenting Her Extensive Abuse of Her Toddler Daughter in Videos and Texts?

As Bad Parent Month continues on TIR, I can't imagine the sort of subhuman slime would do and say some of these things to a 10-month-old kid. Maybe the sort of scuzball who would wear a "The Best Things In Life Are Expensive" T-Shirt? (Links to full story at bottom)...

This sleazy lout (allegedly) is 20-year-old Kellie Park of West Haven, Connecticut (Facebook and mug pics above and below; the infant in question in not pictured).  She was arrested earlier this month after her little daughter's Old Man turned over an assortment of videos and texts to the cops which allegedly show Mama repeatedly going to town on the little tot.  Actually, that's an understatement:

-At one point, Mama's allegedly says about the kid, "I'll fucking break her face in!"

-At another point, Mama reportedly rejoices and takes heart in the fact that "I love abusing this kid!"

-Mama's also allegedly heard "yelling at the baby to eat stuff off the floor" like some sort of domesticated pet.

-And apparently the kid eating anywhere but from the floor was a big issue with Mama, since the videos also purportedly show Mama "throwing food at the baby while she is still in her high chair."

-After that awful treatment, the video allegedly shows Mama next putting the tike in a crib, "which she then proceeds to shake until the baby falls out."

-At another juncture, Mama allegedly kicks a big gate on top of the crying little girl -- just for good measure, apparently.

But good news for now, as the kid's been taken away from Mama, who faces charges of "assault, cruelty to persons, and risk of injury and threatening."  Here's hoping that Mama's next Facebook pose sports a nice bright orange set of new threads.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/connecticut-mom-kellie-park-arrested-abuses-infant-sends-videos-torment-dad-article-1.1102634
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2165681/I-love-abusing-kid-Mother-videoed-assault-torment-month-old-baby-sent-childs-father.html

"Mysterious Goat Man" in Utah Confirmed (By Authorities) to NOT Actually Be Part Goat. Boy That's a Real Load Off...

Apparently this has been quite the mystery out in Ogden, Utah in recent weeks (link at bottom):  A strange creature exhibiting both man-like and goat-like traits and tendencies while he milled around amongst a herd of wild goats up in the Wasatch Mountains...

Well, mystery solved this week, reportedly:  State wildlife cops say the odd beast is really just a male hunter decked out in a "goat suit," fleece and all (where does a person go about finding such a suit, anyway?). (None of your business why I'm askin'). 

Cops also confirm that the man is 100% human and not at all (or in any part) goat -- not even in a 1/32 Elizabeth Warren hokey ancestry claim sort of way. 

So as for his story, this non-Giles Goat-Boy in Utah reportedly told cops he was just "testing out" the goat suit because he wanted to "prepare for an archery hunt of mountain goats next year." Course, that goes nowhere towards explaining why he felt compelled to root around within a pack of wild goats while sporting said suit.

And if you're planning to participate in a hunting season on a particular animal, wouldn't disguising yourself as the animal perhaps be the last thing you'd ever want to do?

But I maybe I'm being a little hard on the goat boy. As an anonymous "agitated" caller implored cops last week, "Leave goat man alone. He's done nothing wrong."

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/07/24/mysterious-goat-man-identified-as-hunter/?test=latestnews
http://lasvegas.cbslocal.com/2012/07/24/goat-man-in-utah-mountains-identified-as-hunter/

Almost Four Years into Obama Presidency, a New Poll Shows 18% of Likely Voters Blame Bush for the Rotten State of the Economy...

...In case some wonder what I mean when I use the phrase that I coined, "leftist 20 percenter"...

http://thehill.com/polls/239377-the-hi

Drunk Meth-Head Mayor in Missouri (Allegedly) Pisses Away Taxpayer Dollars Down at the Strip Club: But Give Me This Cat Any Day Over the Politicians in Washington...

OK, so maybe he drinks a little too heavily and then gets behind the wheel. OK, so maybe he's a meth addict. OK, so maybe he uses a city credit card to run up thousands of dollars in tabs down at the local strip joint.  At least dude's so involved in his extracurriclar activities that he has no time to screw up the business of government. I say we run this crazy freak for president!

His name is Nathan Grellner (pictured above), and he's the mayor of Valley Park, Missouri. And the Mayor's reportedly been very busy lately. Just not with his mayoral duties (link at bottom)...

I mean, this guy's been out there partying like a damn rock star (allegedly)!  To wit:

-Last month the Good Mayor checked himself into the hospital, claiming exhaustion. Turns out, however, that he was reportedly there to be treated for methamphetamine abuse.

-Two days earlier, he was hospitalized after being arrested on suspicion of driving while intoxicated and resisting arrest. But he was allegedly able to escape police custody by fleeing the hospital when no one was lookin'!

-The Mayor is also in hot water for allegedly using his city credit card to charge up thousands of dollars at the aforementioned strip joint (often when he was supposed to be at public meetings). But those charges were just for starters...

-He also allegedly used the card to buy a $2,500 washer and dryer, a $575 Bosch shop vacumm, and also a "miter saw and hammer drill" to renovate his home.

-Then, apparently being famished by that flurry of activity, this Mayor McCheese allegedly ran up $2,000 more in charges at local restaurants, ranging from grub at McDonald's to $80 in eats down at the local TJ Wings joint.

But at least for the credit card business, the Mayor does have a defense. Or, at least, I guess you could call it that. He says he mixed up the city credit card with his own credit card (apparently over and over again) because he "was 'not in a state of mind' where he could distinguish between the two."

For his efforts, the Mayor is now facing a vote of no confidence -- which I find to be a bit short-sighted. Since oftentimes, the very BEST kind of politician is the one that you can't count on to do much of anything.

http://stlouis.cbslocal.com/2012/07/13/more-problems-for-the-mayor-of-valley-park/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2173114/Mayor-exposed-METH-ADDICT-escape-custody-following-drug-driving-arrest-spent-city-money-strip-clubs.html