Monday, July 30, 2012
Filthy Frisbee Freak: Buck Naked Bozo Allegedly Makes Jackass of Himself, Raisin' a Ruckus on Disc Golf Course Before Hiding from Cops in the Hole of a Damn Portable Outhouse!
Let this be a lesson to the cops: Anytime they're seeking a hiding suspect who just went on a berzerk rampage in a public place, then forget lookin' up them trees. Forget peeking down the nearby manholes (errr, personholes). Forget searchin' them vacants and flophouses a few blocks away on skid row. Instead, before looking anywhere else, find the nearest portable shithouse and take a real close gander down that there poop hole. Just be sure to bring along a barf bag. Oh, and also maybe a real long grabber pick stick...
Cops in Brunswick, Maine say this was one sick stinkpot (link to full story at bottom). Instead of heading to the local frisbee (or "disc") golf course looking to work on his long game, the deranged 29-year-old suspect allegedly went short on sense and clothing, stripping down buck naked and going ape right out there on the damn frisbee fairway!
Yep, this demented disrobed divot dork allegedly "went on a tear" out there, gettin' his buck naked business on by first tossing over a bunch of smelly trash cans down by the Leaderboard. And this daft denuded dufus apparently has a bona fide dirt fetish, since his next step on this rotten piece of work was allegedly to "roll around in the mud" for no good reason.
And what's a putrid depraved punk to do after expending that kind of underdone energy? Have a seat, of course (and no, we're not even to the shithouse part yet). Cops say this stitch-less stinkweed creep topped off his little lunatic-of-the-links act by depositing his kooky, bizarre bare-ass in a bunch of (appropriately enough) those diaper-looking little baskets where the frisbee golfers try to toss their big round things.
Enter 5-0 (finally) right about that time, but ALAS: Batty bare-skinned bum had made himself more scarce out there on the ol' golf course than Tiger Woods' putting game post-Elin Nordegren. But luckily for the cops, one of Brunswick's finest (whom I can only assume really had to go) heard something or someone milling around down in the crapper tank of a nearby portable shithouse...
That's right, that was the maniacal malodorous madmen maneuvering around "in the bottom of the portable toilet," although truth be told I have no freakin' idea how cops could tell it was him from a giant stinkbug wallowing around down there in the stench-mired muck.
But regardless, check out this dilemma that was created for cops when their suspect was located down at the bottom of a shithouse! Cops reportedly first had to "eventually" endeavor to "fish out" this stinky strange brew from his crapper crevice (what, did they let him stew down there for awhile first?).
Next up, they had to garner some garden hoses in order to "spray down" the nasty naked nut-job before they could haul his bonkers breakwind behind off to the hoosegow. Yep, straight from the shithouse to the big-house. I'm still pondering whether one would consider that a good or a bad trade for the perp (?).
http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/weird/NATL-Cops-Find-Naked-Suspect-at-Bottom-of-Port-a-Potty-161931475.html
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Holeee Cow! How many hiding in the sh!thouse stories does this make now?? We need to start keeping track b/c this stuff cracks me up and it's happening A LOT it seems! haha!
ReplyDeleteI can only recall two (including this one) where the man was actually hiding down in the filthy muck and mire beneath the poop hole. I vaguely recall the other one -- it was a hobo and about 1-1.5 years ago. Maybe I'm forgetting one?
ReplyDeleteI thought there were more! haha! Maybe these just stick with me much longer.....they fascinate me =)
ReplyDeleteI think the source of confusion stems from the fact that I always tend to pick up on a good story having a shithouse angle. But I am pretty sure there's only been two having some deranged goof hiding out down in the shit tank.
ReplyDeleteAh yes.....I'm sure that's it. They are always entertaining!
ReplyDeleteI'd love to do more items about sewer hole covers and people getting into trouble down in person holes, but those stories are more rare.
ReplyDeleteYou've got a few of those, though, and those person hole stories always rock!
ReplyDeleteIf I was one of those crazy radio DJs, I'd be willing to live down inside a person-hole for a week or more and document my experiences down there. But alas, such a regimen wouldn't play too well with my current employment.
ReplyDeleteDon't do it, Rager, it's not worth it!
ReplyDeleteI've always thought it would be cool to live underground. But I guess down in a sewer hole may not be the best place to start.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely not....we can find you a cool cave with a view somewhere, maybe one by a river with waterfalls 'n stuff....that would be better.
ReplyDeleteThey have those down in the sewer system too. Haven't you ever seen the old Batman movie with Danny DeVito as The Penguin living down there?
ReplyDelete