Monday, November 21, 2011

The Campus Slut, Literally: High School Teacher Banned from Class After Allegedly "Running Porn Site MySluttyTeacher.com From School Computer"!


"Hey Teach, can you come over and help me invert my fractions," little Timmy said during class to his female teacher. But Teach told him to hold his damn horses over there: "Give me a minute, already, Timmy -- I still gots ten more pics to upload to my slutty teacher porn site, then I'll help you. The Net's real slow today." Good Grief...

And even if that precise conversation never occurred, officials at Lincoln High School in Stockton, California say the pictured 35-year-old Teach -- Heidi Kaeslin -- did operate a whole slew of porn websites from her school computer, including the appropriately titled MySluttyTeacher.com. (Links to full story at bottom).

Apparently the pickings were a bit slim in terms of available porn models, however, since Ms. Kaeslin resorted to plastering her own slutty photos all over the website (allegedly), as shown above and below.

But now this alleged shapely slut's moonlighting has reportedly come to climatic end like so many porn money shots, as the school has banned the alleged slutpuppy from the classroom and placed her on leave while her alleged "porn ring" is fully investigated.

One student's reaction to the news was to say, "Ignorant people will do ignorant things," although it's not entirely clear if he was referring to Teach's actions or the school's rather rash action of barring the sexy slut (allegedly) from the premises.

Another male student said he had a chance to take a gander at MySluttyTeacher.com, which he says set forth the following enticement on its main page to teenage punks everywhere: "Have you seen your teacher's breasts before? Well now you can see them!"

Meantime Teach's ultimate fate will be determined at the end of the school's ongoing investigation, which is reportedly focusing on whether she violated the school ethics code by running MySluttyTeacher.com from her classroom (allegedly).

And since I doubt the ol' ethics code has a specific provision stating "You shall not create and operate a porn site from your classroom desk," maybe this alleged sonsy slut actually has a defense in the form of "You never said I couldn't"?!? Although frankly, I see that one getting about as much traction as MySluttyTeacher.com did.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Even Dumber Than a D-1 Football Coach Busted for DWI: Driving Hammered While Wearing an "I'm a Drunk" T-Shirt!



I'd be hard-pressed to argue with anyone calling University of Eastern Missouri head football coach Gary Pinkel an idiot for his much-publicized DWI arrest this week (mugshot immediately above). The "remarkable" one makes millions of bucks a year. Call a damn cab or line up a freakin' limo already! But out of New York this week, an even more moronic creature...

Cops there say 22-year-old Kevin Daly (pictured at the top) drove drunk this week, and all he got was that dumbass T-shirt to show for it. This lunatic lush got his big night started by first allegedly bashing his ride into a cop car on a drunk driving patrol around two in the morning.

Of course, if one gets behind the wheel all pie-eyed, then there are certain things you look to avoid in order not to draw unwarranted attention to yourself out there on the highway. First, you should always do your best not to barrel your car into the side of an occupied police cruiser. That tends to garner the cops' attention more times than not.

And if your hammered hide must go demolition derby on your city's finest, then make sure not to couple that course of action with any outward signs that you may be sloshed. Such as: A loud T-shirt saying, "I'm Not an Alcoholic. I'm a Drunk. Alcoholics Go to Meetings."

If only this deranged drunkard Daley had consulted with me before hittin' the road that night. But as it stands, cops arrested Daley "wearing a shirt saying he's a drunk" after the blitzed boozer brought his blitzkrieg down on the cop car (allegedly).

Now this soaked strange brew may have to stitch up his next T-shirt in the con garment shop at the local hoosegow, as cops have busted his well-oiled ass on DWI charges and "multiple traffic summonses."

But, on the bright side, the only "meetings" he'll have to worry about there are the impromptu variety that go down from time to time in the community shower. "Thanks for sharing," they say at the end of those.

Friday, November 18, 2011

I Don't Call Them DERANGED Right-Wingers for Nothing! "Student gop Leader Sparks Outrage After Saying Obama Assassination Would Be 'Tempting.'"



Memo to morons everywhere (whether of the right-wing or left-wing variety): You don't ever, ever, ever post something on the Net that even so much as insinuates a suggestion of violence against the president, lest you wish to have the entire world (including a horde of Men in Black) all over your ass like the result of a Herman Cain dinner invitation (allegedly). Lesson learned (maybe) for this right-winger gop-er broad in Texas...

She's Lauren Pierce (pictured on right), and she's the so-called president of the "College [republic partisans]" of the University of Texas. (Sorry, but I refuse to use the full "r" or "d" party words on this blog -- they don't deserve the respect). And apparently Pierce's brain don't work so much better than that ugly UT mascot, Bevo the Longhorn. Because why else would any sane, intelligent person tweet this out? (as shown above):

"Y'all, as tempting as it may be, don't shoot Obama. We need him to go down in history as the WORST president we've EVER had! #2012."

First of all, "Y'all": It's impossible for Obama to go down as the "worst" president in history since Obama can do no worse than equally sharing that honor with Pierce and Texas' beloved George W. Bush. If I've said it once, I've said it 1,000 times in this space: The individual we currently have as president and his awful predecessor are the two (and equally) worst and most destructive presidents of my lifetime (and it ain't even close).

Worse yet, however, was Pierce's reportedly flippant reaction after she blasted out that tweet on Wednesday. First she told ABC News that the whole thing was just a big "joke." Right! Alluding to how "tempting" it might be to have the president murdered: Always a regular barrel of laughs.

And, just for good measure, she reportedly started giggling like a grammar school girl when telling ABC that an attempted assassination on Obama would 'only make the situation worse' (which again got at her original tweet point that she wants to see Obama finish out his term for all the wrong reasons). Only after apparently hearing the wrath of someone (probably the Net community) did Pierce finally issue a half-ass two-sentence apology later on for her tweet.

This incident caps off a bad week for Obama to pick to stop smoking, as earlier in the week some slimeball with more names than Patty "Wasserman" Simpson -- Oscar Ramiro Ortega Hernandez (pictured above) -- allegedly took a pot shot at the White House (the Bamster was outta town at the time).

I'm sure Hernandez was just joking around too. But at least he may get a chance to laugh it off in the lockup for a long time to come, as he faces a charge for the attempted assassination of the president. Wouldn't be surprised if that charge involves a whole lotta hoosegow exposure. Now that's no laughing matter.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

OUTRAGE: New York City Actually Requires occupy wall streeters to Produce a Valid ID Before They Can Reclaim Any of Their Rubbish from the Junkyard!



This move is sure to mean that many older occupiers will be completely disenfranchised from their right to say, "hey that smelly shit's mine," down at the city dump. This includes those numerous elderly occupiers who -- regardless of their ability to hoof it down to a voting station or protest site -- are simply unable to navigate that complex set of steps necessary to procuring a valid picture ID while out in public. Tell me, what does the Big Apple have against all members of society being able to claim dibs on their rancid, confiscated chattels?

All of this controversy comes on the heals of New York City early Wednesday forcing all the occupiers out of Ourpotti Park so that sanitation workers could clean up that wretched hive of scum and villiany. In the process, sanitation workers removed "mountains" of decaying, rotten debris (pictured at the above and below) and hauled it off to the dump -- where leftist 20 percenters can claim any of it so long as they have one of those damn pesky valid ID's.

And boy did that shit stink! And then some. Said one sanitation worker: "I pick up garbage for a living, and these were some of the worst smells I've EVER experienced!" Not to mention, workers were treated to a veritable potpourri of disgusting personalty...

In particular, the "filthy piles of property" reportedly included "dirty hypodermic needles, moldy food and glass-littered, broken gadgets." And that was just for starters. Also among the ruins was a "massive pile of soiled tents, old bikes and spoiled food." Guess they don't call 'em grubby hippy and dirty hippy chics for nothing.

And some of the random debris in the mountains of rubbish was also rather remarkable to behold. That included a giant Frank's pickle barrel ass (may I slip you a pickle?) that workers suspected was full of shit -- literally. There were also stray plywood sheets, chicken wire, old cables, grotesque clothing items and "smeared peanut-butter jars."

Apparently also, the protesters "inhabiting" the park counted among their leftist lot that wily old-school 'rassler The HonkyTonk Man -- since "two busted guitars" were found strewn amongst the rubble just for good measure. Now these protesters just need a bearded lady, a midget or two, and the "piggy piggy" dude from "American Horror Story" so that they can officially take this circus out on the road. Drivers license required.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Stir It Up! Singer Patti LaBelle Allegedly Shows New Attitude & Goes Whacko, Tossing Water in a Toddler's Face & Throwing a Punch at the Pregnant Mom!



She never sounded so angry like this in her music! She's known for her long string of U.S. R&B and Dance chart hits spanning four decades (many of which I've recited below), including a personal favorite of mine ("Stir It Up") and other top hits like "New Attitude" and "Lady Marmalade." And, apparently, whatever you do: Don't let your little shit run around unattended if Miss Patti is around (allegedly)!

A new lawsuit claims the whole freakish incident went down in an apartment lobby in the Upper West-Side of Manhattan in the Big Apple. A woman named Roseanna Monk says she put down her 18-month-old daughter Genevieve momentarily so that mama (a kindergarten teacher) could be "On My Own" and take some luggage out the building. And when the 67-year-old LaBelle happened into the lobby and spied the little tike scurrying around, all hell broke loose from there (allegedly)!

It's not at all clear what set LaBelle off, but maybe she was down in that lobby looking for "The Right Kind of Lover" and instead found a rotten little brat on the loose, who knows. Regardless, LaBelle first allegedly chastised mama openly, telling her: "What are doing letting your kid run around like that?"

That's when mama says she made the mistake of giving a bit of sass to the soul diva, responding to LaBelle: "I have no interest in what you say or think." (Mouthing off to one of these divas -- not bright -- mama should've known "Something Special's Gonna Happen Tonight" right there and then).

Yep. Wrong thing to say to LaBelle, apparently, as the singer -- reportedly decked out in a giant fur coat and over-sized sunglasses -- allegedly started letting the obscenities fly, as she cursed up a storm and hurled a string of profanities in the direction of mama and little baby. "Oh People!"

Perhaps not feeling that her nasty message was getting through so well, LaBelle for good measure also allegedly yanked out a big water bottle and started spraying it right in the little tot's kisser! (No word whether also LaBelle crooned "(When) You've Been Blessed" during her alleged liquid lash-out).

And being that she's a showbiz gal, what great performance would be complete with a big encore? So LaBelle next allegedly took a damn swing at the mama, who just happens to be pregnant, BTW. Mama also alleges the whole ruckus made little Genevieve cry and puke right there on the spot, but that's not even the half of it...

Mama says no way she could just "Kiss Away the Pain" this debacle caused to baby, as mama's lawsuit alleges the entire incident traumatized the baby so much that she "hasn't been the same since and suffers from personality changes, sleeping disorders and increased fear of strangers." But now the "Shoe Is on the Other Foot," as mama just wants her "(New) Day" in court.

Mama says she was prompted to sue LaBelle's water-chucking, fist-swinging ass (allegedly) when she read about an incident in Houston earlier this year in which LaBelle's entourage allegedly beat the hell out of a West Point cadet faster than the cadet could scream, "Yo Mister."

At any rate, these various events make me want to get a hold of LaBelle's itinerary so that I can see when the next fight's gonna break out. "Feels Like Another One" any day now, "If You Ask Me (To)." After all, I "Love, Need and Want" some action over here.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Ms. Laurie, Let Me Tear Down Your Wall: New Book Accuses Ronald Reagan of Being a Cheap Hamburger Date and a "Rude, Insensitive Show-off" in Bed...


As an Independent, I always love mentioning or talking about Reagan, because it's damn sure to piss somebody off. He's one of the most polarizing political figures of my lifetime. He's held up as the Great Hero of American Conservatism by the gop-ers even though he'd have little place today in a republic partisan party that's swung way to the right, even by Reagan's standards (they'd primary Reagan's ass today)...

Leftist 20 percenters, meantime, hate Reagan with every fiber of their being, but yet will invoke disingenuous comparisons between themselves and Reagan whenever they can (see the individual we currently have as president) -- primarily just to get the goat of the deranged right-wingers. In short, Reagan's a complete lightning rod. Therefore, let's talk about Reagan!

A new book by old-time Hollywood starlet Piper Laurie doesn't exactly paint the most flattering picture of the "Ol' Gipper." He was old enough (39) to be the 19-year-old Laurie's father -- so much so that he actually played her old man in the 1950 film Louisa (pictured at the top). The two first met on the film set in the years before Reagan's marriage to his second wife and future First Lady, Nancy Davis.

According to Laurie's new book, "Learning to Live Out Loud," the old guy Reagan got off to a decent start in their September-May romance by first checking with her daddy to see if it would be OK for Reagan to take Laurie out on the town. Only problem? When daddy said yes, Reagan did nothing of the sort, instead taking the "perky starlet" Laurie straight back to his joint and feeding her some cheap hamburgers.

Apparently no sooner than Laurie could barely dab the ketchup and mustard from her mouth, the book says Reagan was whisking away the 19-year-old virgin into the next room for a little Bedtime for Bonzo. And indeed, much like the chimpanzee, the old guy (according to Laurie) was a "'show-off' who had sex 'without grace.'"

Having now taken the young girl's virginity, Reagan reportedly chided Laurie after the fact by criticizing her for not "having orgasms" during their rough romp in the sack. He next reportedly started bragging up his staying power (which he had apparently timed on the clock), reciting to the stunned Laurie that he had officially kept it up and gone at it with her for 40 minutes flat, according to the book. (If only he'd have paid that kind of attention during the Iran Contra Scandal.)

Laurie says that when she complained that Reagan nonetheless had failed to satisfy her, he really started to take her to task as if he was in the middle of a bad episode of "Death Valley Days": "There's something wrong with you. You've got to see a doctor," Reagan reportedly ranted at her.

Just for good measure, Laurie says Reagan then started bragging up how much he had paid for the condom he'd used -- "in a crass attempt to prove his point." I just wish Reagan had come up with his Strategic Defense Initiative ("Star Wars") idea about 30 years earlier. Sounds like the young broads in Hollywood could have really used it when it came to dealing with him.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Reading Between the Sheets: Cali School Reportedly Has Porn Star Sasha Grey Conduct "Story Time" with the First Graders!



"Mommy, Mommy, we had fun today at school! It was strawberry milk day. And my book order came in. And little Hector farted in the lunchroom. And Mr. Grooms' hair fell off his head. And we had show and tell. Oh yeah, and a porn star read us a real funny story..."

She's been called the "Kobe Bryant" of porn -- one of the more successful porn actresses of recent vintage and known for taking porn roles that other porn ladies have refused. And, for some unknown reason, Emerson Elementary School in Compton, California reportedly brought her in to hold a special story time with the first graders recently (link at bottom). I guess they felt she could blow some real spirit and enthusiasm into the time-honored tradition.

And lest there be any questions concerning Ms. Grey's qualifications to be spouting children's literature to the little shits at Emerson, check out the below short form of her resume, which includes some 150 porn films over the last five years since she turned 18. Here are ten of her more well-known titles, in alphabetical order:

1. Apprentass 10 (co-starring Chris Charming)
2. Blow Me Sandwich (co-starring Johnny Sins)
3. Bring'um Young 23 (co-starring Buster Good)
4. Buttman's Stretch Class 2 (co-starring Velicity Von)
5. Face Invaders 4 (co-starring Chris Cannon & Courtney Cummz)
6. Gang Bang My Face (co-starring Wade Hardman & Lee Bang)
7. Hairy Movie (co-starring Mr. Pete)
8. House of Ass 3 (& 7) (co-starring Jassie & Aurora Snow)
9. Meet the F*ckers (co-starring James Deen)
10. Swallow My Children (co-starring Mike Hash & Dirty Harry)

So this porn broad can really bring the goods. Moot issue there. But the 10,000 pound elephant in the room -- unaddressed in the linked news story -- is which children's story, precisely, this nasty little number screamed at the little tots. Here are my ten best guesses as to which book this porn queen might have trotted out for the young tikes:

10. Pippi Longdonging

9. I Hopped on Pop

8. Gimme-The-Pooh (Tang)

7. Oh, the Places It'll Go!

6. Peter and the MILF

5. Bi-Curious Georgia

4. Rump-L-Foreskin

3. Slurping Beauty

2. Knockin' Puss 'n Boots

1. Teen Legs & Ham

BTW, while I might have guessed and included on this list "Malice in Lalaland," that's actually one of Sasha Grey's porn titles and not a children's book at all. So that's one I know we can rule out over here.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2060429/Porn-star-Sasha-Grey-invited-school-read-graders.html

Friday, November 11, 2011

"OOPS, I forgot": Why Rick Perry's Now Infamous "Oops" Moment in Wednesday's gop-er Debate May Really Suck for the democrat party...



It was the most painful thing I've ever watched in a political event on this large of a stage (links at bottom). Not only did dimwitted deranged right-winger presidential candidate Rick Perry forget the name of the third federal department that he claims he intends to cut if he becomes president. That was bad enough. Worst yet, however, was him stuttering and stammering around for some 50 plus seconds trying to recall the name (which he never did). Ouch-O-Bama!

But as noted at the top, this has the potential to really suck for the leftist 20 percenters and their democrat party. That's because it may result in Perry getting the hell out of the race a lot earlier than would have otherwise occurred. Perry is sitting on tens of millions of dollars in campaign funds, and the prevailing thought in political circles has been that he will spend every dime of that money mostly beating up likely gop-er nominee Mitt Romney in television ads for months to come.

Even before Wednesday's debate, Perry had virtually no chance at the republic partisan nomination, but he was still poised to stay in it for the long haul and do a lot of damage to Romney in the meantime by using all that money. Now, however, the possibility of Perry staying in the race much longer seems very much in peril. In other words, he may soon take his money and slink back to the Texas shithouse from whence he crawled several months ago.

If that occurs, it very much inures to the detriment of the democrat party, which was looking forward to Perry and his money hammering likely gop-er nominee Romney over the head for several months to come. The leftist 20 percenters who control the democrat party might want to say to themselves today, "OOPS, maybe Rick Perry's stumble wasn't quite so funny the other night."

http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/11/10/8735059-first-thoughts-brain-freeze
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2059928/Damage-control-Rick-Perry-embarks-media-blitz-vows-debate-flop-wont-end-campaign.html

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Menage 'a Trouble: "Threesome Goes Awry" and Allegedly Leads Florida Man to Attack Wife & Second Woman with a Damn Television Set!



You don't have to be that mullet-headed redneck dude from Office Space for it be your ultimate man-dream: It's called getting a couple of broads to double up on ya. The threesome. The meat sandwich. The triumvirate. The Fanny Jaffle. Or most famously: The menage a trois. But every bored man's dream allegedly turned into a triple-headed nightmare for one Naples, Florida man and his two prospective clam cousins this week...

Cops say the event actually got off to a beautiful start, with Jorge Daniel Silva (mugshot above) jumping in the sack with his wife and a second woman after the threesome got all liquored up on alcohol. Some lovely making out between the trifecta jumped off from there, but that's when this little threeway freeway suddenly got jammed up worse than this year's Camaro Day on the Kansas Turnpike.

Before he could even so much as start playing the piano or request a downhill double dip, Jorge allegedly flew into an complete rage and "freaked out" during the opening gambit smooch session of this makeshift French Connection. Really ticked off for some reason, Jorge first allegedly started pounding his old lady right in the mush, which prompted to two ladies to scurry away and take cover in a spare bedroom.

But it was gonna take a lot more than just a little locked door to stop this trio-spurning sleazejam. Cops says hubby broke the door down and took to "swinging a TV" at the old lady "like a bat." Jorge allegedly clocked wifey twice with the boob tube before dropping the box right on top of her just for good measure.

The television now apparently destroyed, cops say Jorge would not be deterred, as he simply grabbed a second television in the house and threw that one at the old lady too (allegedly). When the third piece of this clambake trinity tried to intervene, Jorge allegedly started giving the second woman a good beatdown as well!

But as one might expect, hubby ain't without a couple of defenses over there. First, he says the only reason he got mad was because the two ladies were smoochin' it up and wouldn't let him split any wood or get in on the action. The party poopers. No wonder he want "occupy wall street" on their trizzy asses (allegedly).

Second, he says the only reason he did a King Kong on the bedroom door was because he thought the two ladies had run in there to start having sex without him. Of course, as I'm sure he'd maintain, he never considered that their disappearing act might have resulted from him trying to turn wifey's head into a moose burger back in the couple's bedroom.

Regardless, cops eventually arrived at the house to find the old lady covered in blood, with a face that looked like a hot-air balloon with the basket missing, not to mention a broken schnoz. They busted Jorge on felony battery charges, meaning his next tryst in triplicate may have to be the 3-boy, corn-cob tripod variety deep inside the state hoosegow. But what's he gonna do for a TV in there?

http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/Naples-Man-Charged-With-Battering-Wife-After-Threesome-Takes-Wrong-Turn-133458933.html

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Far From Being "99%," Here's Why the occupy wall streeters Are Nothing More Than Leftist 20 Percenters...



This blog invented the term "leftist 20 percenter" long before the "occupy wall street" effort was even a brain fart for some spoiled trust fund leftist sitting in daddy's mansion in Georgetown. The phrase was not a response to the ludicrous "occupy" claim that such "movement" represents 99% of the country. Instead, I coined that term a full year or two before the first stinky "occupy" leftist ever took his first shit on a cop car in Zuccotti Park.

The origin of "leftist 20 percenter" is simple: About 20% of the American population inhabits the American far left that bankrolls and controls the leftist democrat party. This is the 20% of the country that calls itself "liberal" or "progressive" or -- even in some instances -- "socialist" (credit Lawrence O'Donnell for at least being honest) and "communist." They are a tiny little minority, and yet they wield such incredible power, which is frequently used to govern directly against the will of the American people (see, e.g., the Obama health care monstrosity) -- as we've so often seen during the Obama regime.

Still, this remains a center-right country, and even an avalanche of Obama executive orders can't change that. The deranged right-wingers who control the republic partisan party and call themselves "conservatives" make up about 40% of the country. The remaining 40% or so is comprised of us Independents as well as so-called "moderates," meaning people who have an allegiance to one of the two rotten political parties but yet don't consider themselves either leftist or "conservative."

These numbers have held true for years and are only confirmed by a new Gallup Poll from this week (link at bottom). According to the poll, 21% of the American population is comprised of "self-professed liberals," while 42% of the population calls itself "conservative." The rest are the Independents and self-described "moderates" (just under 40% total).

So in case you were wondering how the leftists went overnight from representing only 20% of the American population to suddenly representing "99%," that of course never happened. That's nothing more than a propaganda talking point.

The occupy wall streeters remain what they and their fellow leftist 20 percenters have always been -- a loony fringe of American society reflected by the modern democrat party and the incredibly powerful interest groups that prop it up. The leftist 20 percenters ain't gonna go away anytime soon, to be frank, but let's also not live under any illusions as to whom they are and whom they really represent. Which isn't very many people.

http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/gallup-poll-conservatives-42-liberals-21

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

American Leftist 20 Percenters Identify New Enemy: The "Super Old." Meantime, "occupy wall street" Ponders Name Change to "Ossify Hospice Hill"...




...All this in reaction to startling news this week AD that "U.S. young-old wealth gap worse than ever: Typical U.S. household with head over age 64 has net worth 47 times greater than household headed by someone under 35."

Forget class warfare. That focus may soon be shifting to octogenarian opposition. Codger cage match. Old timer tussle. Never thought I'd see the day when "daily kos" and "move on" may actually team up with Paul Ryan's ongoing crusade to toss Greedy Ol' Grams off the cliff.

Damn pesky old people and their savings. We need to find a way to tap into that. Redistribute. Fairness. Equality. Plus, they're just real old. After all, why should some gray-haired geriatric's old grizzled hide have more in his savings account than Warren Buffet's 20-something secretary?

You will pay your fair share, old people -- or we'll occupy your freakin' rest homes, eat all of your mac'n'cheese and jello, and give your shithouses a whole meaning for the word stench. Buck up, you broken down old battle axes, or else. We Are the 20 Percenters. And we have really bad B.O. (not to mention his full backing).