Now Obama's REALLY in Trouble in 2012 AD: Crazy Old Mexican Wizard Predicts an Obama Loss in November...

After an evening when largely unknown (though not to me) Pennsylvania has-been Rick Santorum is in a contest too-close-to-call (at midnight central, and I'm going to bed) with slick, boring, flip-flopper front-runner Mitt Romney for the gop-er Iowa caucus title (only reinforcing the historically WEAK nature of the field of gop-er candidates), a wacky witcher in Mexico says the same day that it doesn't really matter whom Obama faces in the 2012 AD presidential election...

He's known as Mexico's "Grand Warlock" (aka "Brujo Mayor" & Antonio Vazquez) (pictured above & below), and this zany lost twin brother of Captain Kangaroo says Obama will most definitely lose in 2012 AD (link to full story at bottom). There you have it! Or not.

More specifically, the "Great Witch" held a press conference this week in which this saucy sorcerer produced a big deck of Taurot cards and announced all of his 2012 AD predictions. Chief among those is this silly shaman's guarantee that the duration of Obama's presidency will be shorter than the Ebay bidders' list for an authentic Alabama shithouse.

But methinks this shoddy soothsayer should go take a seat in that same shithouse and meantime leave the political predictions to people are usually right, like me. Despite poor approval numbers and a bad economy that just keeps stumbling along like a Union Pacific hobo, Obama remains a slight favorite to win re-election this year over whichever of the current class of assclowns the deranged right-wingers stick on the ballot.

Not that I think it's going to be a particularly good year overall for the leftist 20 percenter democrat party, but I think the hapless individual we currently have as president will probably squeak by.

That's largely due to the aforementioned severely blighted crop of gop-er candidates, not to mention other significant factors such as (1) the big money advantage Obama's sure to have, (2) a complicit "mainstream" media in Obama's back pocket and (3) the bully pulpit and all the inherent advantages attendant to being a sitting president running for re-election.

My only hope for not being completely bored out of my mind by this pathetic 2012 "race" is the possibility of some entertaining freak such as The Trumper tossing his hat in the ring and shaking things up. Here we Independents are now, entertain us. And Mexican witchdoctors and uninspiring, business-as-usual leftist and right-winger goof candidates like Obama and Santorum/Romney simply ain't cuttin' the mustard over here.

http://www.breitbart.com/image.php?id=iafpCNG.5d4866e77b6f7d7b4a432c8d01267956.9a1p0&show_article=1&article_id=CNG.5d4866e77b6f7d7b4a432c8d01267956.9a1

Hey, Honey Baby, Bet I Can Guess the Size of Your Rack: CBS Radio Chick Tells Workplace Horror Stories of Alleged Neanderthal Lout Male Co-Workers...

It may now be 2012 AD, but it was might as well be 1912 AD at CBS Radio affiliate KYW in Philadelphia (allegedly). It's amazing to me that this kind of crap still goes on in some workplaces (if the allegations are true), but if even the Obama White House can be a hostile work environment for women (as was alleged in 2011 AD and previously discussed in this space), then I suppose the "Good 'Ol Boys Club" can exist anywhere...

"It was like 'Mad Men,'" says 36-year-old Shelley Kanther (pictured immediately above and below), in reference to the popular TV show that depicts a sexist 1960s AD workplace. And she was even one of the station's higher-ups, serving as the director of marketing in 2009 AD and 2010 AD.

In a new sexual harassment lawsuit filed against CBS, Kanther (who's married) claims the abuse started with male employees calling her little pet names like "baby" as if she was serving them up ham and grits at some roadside greasy spoon in Mississippi.

Kanther says these skunks also took to slapping her on the ass as she walked by, perhaps in ode to Dabney Coleman's bossman-from-hell character in the old film "9 to 5." But all that was just for starters...

Because then there was the verbal harassment (allegedly). Kanther says these sewer rats liked to tell her that she was probably "fiery in bed." And that was only when they weren't trying to "guess her bra size" (allegedly).

But these toads' fixation wasn't just on Kanther's cans, as she says these creeps liked to tell her to "wear skirts more often" to work. She also says these slugs once discussed trying to pay her to smooch another worker as if Kanther was kin to the below-pictured Morganna the Kissing Bandit.

For good measure, Kanther says these dirtbags loved to talk about their "sexual conquests" right in front of her. And they didn't do so in a whisper, mind you, but instead bragged in a "loud voice" about the broads they'd banged (allegedly).

Kanther also points a specific finger at one of her bosses and a hellish "business trip" they took to Atlantic City. Kanther says that on the trip, Bossman kept talking about wanting to plant a big smoocheroo on her. This alleged crumb also took her to Karaoke Night, where he allegedly sang "Stay with Me Tonight" to her "while suggestively dancing in front of her, uncomfortably close."

And just to add insult to injury, Kanther says this joint paid her a salary that was three to six times less than the salary paid to her fellow department heads at the station who happened to be male. Kanther says that when she tried to complain about all this stuff, the station gave her the ol' pink slip.

Now, what this all adds up to is one badass lawsuit, alleging not only sexual harassment, but also wrongful and retaliatory termination and violations of the Equal Pay Act. But on the bright side for the defendants, the pre-trial discovery phase may give them an opportunity to finally learn Kanther's bra size.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2080397/CBS-radio-sued-severe-sex-harassment-female-employee-Mad-Men-like-atmosphere.html

Prediction Time for What Should Prove to be a Wild & Wade Wooley 2012 AD...

I tried conjuring up a futuristic vision or two while squatting naked on one leg for a few hours in a van down by the Missouri River, but all I came up with was this lousy list of ten predictions for calendar year 2012 AD:

10. The winner of the presidential election in November will be an ill-qualified, abrasive, flip-flopping, partisan buffoon.



9. The World won't end in December; instead, World tells China it can't pay its bills, and China gives World another six months (wink to Henny Youngman).



8. gop-er House speaker John Boehner doubles his annual spray-on tan expenditures by ruining even more tans than usual with all his crying.



7. The tea party and "occupy" movements find common ground, launch a new joint campaign entitled, "Let's All Just Fuck Up the County Something Real Bad-Like."



6. Lots of teacher and older broads bang lots of underaged students.



5. The total time spent on the golf course for the individual we currently have as president will for the first time eclipse that of Tiger Woods during a single calendar year.



4. Donald Trump will be very proud of himself -- in every single thing that he does during the course of the year.



3. No professional sports team from Kansas City, nor any collegiate sports team from the University of Missouri, will win much of anything.



2. Floyd Mayweather and Victor Ortiz will get it on again, this time with Floyd utilizing a foreign object from his trunks as referee Joe Cortez is distracted.



1. Obama and congressional democrats become embroiled in a fresh scandal over wasteful, porkbarrel spending after earmarking $500 million to give Nancy Pelosi a fresh coat of paint and a forehead solar panel.


Happy New Year to all (except for the partisans, of course).

Breach of Contract! PA Man Allegedly Calls 911 After Hoes Hired to Double Up on Him Instead Go at Each Other & Keep Him Relegated to the "Sideline"...

[Menage a Trois Week continues on TIR...]

I really don't know the sadder situation here: (1) A couple of hookers allegedly taking all this old codger's dough after doing nothing to which he says they agreed; or (2) This old coffin-dodger actually thinking his best recourse would be to call the cops after these broads' alleged nefarious "breach of contract." I'm guessing a lawsuit filed down in the ol' circuit court can't be too far behind from this furry old timer...

63-year-old Jerry Streng (pictured above) of Berlin, Pennsylvania told cops it all started when he simply tried to hire a couple of whores for 400 bucks "for the purpose of 'Smoking his Smoke' and engaging in sexual intercourse" with him (link to Smoking Gun's full story at bottom).

But like most any alleged personal services "contract," Streng says he had some very specific notions as to precisely what was to go down (in more ways than one) in this little menage a trois for hire. Streng says his very specific "agreement" with the two harlots would've placed him "in the middle of both women while the three of them engaged in sexual activity with each other."

However, Streng claims the tart tandem only delivered the goods on half the equation, being only too willing to "Smoke His Smoke," but not so much it seems when it came to including him in three-way, Lawrence-inspired, doublin'-down sexcapades back in the bedroom.

Streng complained to cops that the dirty duo did not even "invite him into the bed," instead climbing under the sheets and getting it on with each other. What's worse, he says, is that when he did try to enter this freaky fray, the two street walkers stuck his old ass on the "sideline" and wouldn't let him "in the middle like they agreed to" -- like something out of a bad knockoff of the old film The Sex Monster.

"Relegated to the end" of the bed rather than his "desired middle slot," Streng lamented to cops that he was left to resort "to grope the breast of the female closest to him." And the truly sad part, he says, is that "after that fleeting fondle," these two contract-welching women of the street (allegedly) grabbed all his money and ran -- all without ever "fully servicing him." Talk about a couple 'a stone cold cocottes!

And of course, whether it be a prostitution deal gone bad, or any other rudimentary breach of contract for that matter, the best course of actions is always -- what else: Call 911, Baby! That's right, Streng got the cops over there almost as fast as those two tricky trollops hit the exits once his money was in hand (allegedly).

So alas we arrive at the moral of this rather pathetic story: An agreement to bone a babe for money has an illegal subject matter at its core! That makes it an illegal, unenforceable contract. It also means you can't sue on it, and the cops can't do a damn a thing for you except to slap your dumb ass with solicitation charges and toss ya right in the hoosegow...

Which is precisely what happened to this old battle axe Streng. Although something tells me that Streng figures it was all worth it, since another consequence of his rattin' out these two ladies of pleasure means they also got their trio triumvirate-feigning skanky asses (allegedly) thrown right in the can themselves. That'll teach them to smoke a man's smoke without as so much as taking one puff on his pipe.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/john-calls-911-with-hooker-complaint-875412

"One Boob Put Away, One Boob Hanging!!" NASCAR Driver Raises the Red Flag on Twitter with Anti-Breastfeeding Rant...

Maybe he's recently been forgetting to use his HANS Device out there on the track. Either that, or he might want to check his exhaust system for carbon monoxide leaks. Because what kind of a brain-damaged goof (not named Kim Kardashian) goes on an anti-wet-nurse Twitter tirade from inside a damn supermarket?

His name is Kasey Kahne, and the 31-year-old NASCAR driver apparently really, REALLY hates the site of a woman's partially bare bosom (raising a whole host of issues that we shall not get into here). Picking up some eats at his local grocery joint this week, Kahne spied some broad giving suck to her little shit inside the store. And he was havin' none a' that!

Faster than a stock car through the checkered flag in the Sprint Cup Series, Kahne reportedly whipped out his phone and started putting the pedal to the tatas, launching into a Modified Meltdown over this little lactation lunch that he was witnessing...

The rant started with surprise: "Just walking through supermarket. See a mom breast feeding little kid. Took second look because obviously I was seeing things. I wasn't!," Kahne observed.

And apparently he took more than just a second look, because he then proceeded to "describe the woman's breastfeeding in detail": "One boob put away, one boob hanging!! #nasty," Kahne tweeted.

Then Kahne complained that his initial suckle shock and awe had given way to repulsion: "I don't feel like shopping anymore or eating."

Many in the Twitter universe were none too happy at Kahne's breastfeeding beatdown, including one follower named Deana P, who tweeted that Kahne's opinions on the subject made him "kind of a douchebag." She continued: "I hope someday you have a kid and someone tells your wife that feeding your child looks nasty. Stay classy asshole."

And while any half-intelligent athlete or public figure would have either diffused the situation at this point or at least kept his mouth shut about the woman's tweet, this Kahne simply revved up his engine! "Your a dumb bitch," Kahne shrewdly retorted in a reply tweet.

Apparently later realizing that, oh yeah, he currently stars in a series of Allstate Insurance ads centering "around his appeal among women," Kahne took back to Twitter to offer up the standard ("if I offended anyone") non-apology apology -- saying it was not "my intention to offend . . . anyone who supports breast feeding children."

And, indeed and in fairness, it is somewhat difficult to glean a clear and definitive intention to offend from the mere phrase, "you're a dumb bitch." But me does thinks this braintrust could've used a little more of mama's milk during his formative years. They say calcium's good for the brain, same as the bones.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2079678/NASCAR-drivers-Twitter-rampage-sees-woman-breastfeeding-supermarket.html

Sick Tool: Anthony's Weiner Reportedly Tried to Line Up an Extramarital Threesome with Another Woman and ANOTHER WEINER!

He's the non-limp gift who just keeps on pissin'! And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse for disgraced former democrat party congressman, Anthony's Weiner! OK, we already knew about him sexting and Tweeting out pics of his schlong to just about any young lady (not his wife) under the sun...

Then there were the revelations about him (1) calling his Muslim in-laws "backward thinking" (i.e. the parents of his then-pregnant wife and Hillary Clinton gofer, Huma's Weiner (pictured below)) and (2) bragging to ladies about spanking the ol' tallywhacker right inside a congressional shithouse ("It's a big office and you know that's not the only thing here that's big," Anthony's Weiner reportedly boasted to the dames).

Things got so bad last summer that even sleazy top democrat party slimeballs like San Fran Nan Pelosi and Patty "Wasserman" Simpson called on (and ultimately forced) Anthony's Weiner to pull out of Congress. So how could it get any worse? Well, it just did...

A new report this week from RadarOnline.com (links at bottom) says that Anthony's Weiner -- in addition to engaging in rampant photo donging -- also tried to set up a little real-life Menage a Trois action with "texting pal" hottie Traci Nobles (pictured below).

So what's the big deal, you might ask? Dude just wanted (like damn near every guy) to have a couple of broads double up on him, right? WRONG. Very wrong...

The new report says Anthony's Weiner was actually trying to hook up one of those demented split-wood, man-sandwich threesomes. That's right: Two boys, one girl, and lotsa summer sausage!

According to Nobles, this twisted extramarital conversation went exactly like this:

-Anthony's Weiner: [Brings up the topic of "3 ways" and continues:] "I'm not really talking about other chicks ... How about with another guy?"

-Traci Nobles: "Hmmmm, haven't done it before."

-Anthony's Weiner: "It can be hot!"

-Traci Nobles: "Are you turned on by other guys?"

-Anthony's Weiner: "Well it depends on the guy, but generally yes."

And just for good measure, at some point during his text exchange with Nobles, Anthony's Weiner also allegedly spouted, "OMG!, I didn't think I could get any harder!"

Now while Nobles does say this proposed Subway double meat trifecta never actually went down (literally or figuratively), that apparently wasn't due to any lack of suggestion from the point of Anthony's Weiner. That Weiner must've been absolutely deflated when babe failed to book another pork sword to raise the Eiffel Tower!

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2011/12/anthony-weiner-threesome-with-another-man-mistress-traci-nobles
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/anthony_weiner_wanted_threesome_lsWQP7yVeLiUcO1wawrddO

Think You'd Like to Spend Your Golden Years Takin' It Easy As One of Those Walmart Greeters? Just Watch Out You Don't Get Your Face Caved In...

Some people apparently just REALLY don't want to be bothered while rushing to get their holiday shopping done. If you're in retail, you might want to think about that the next time you ask a shopper to dig out receipts for the merchandise they're carrying around. Because they might just show you a receipt right across your mush, as happened in the Empire State on Xmas Eve this year (allegedly)...

It sounds like 26-year-old Jacquetta Simmons (pictured above) of Batavia, New York was, indeed, in one hell of a hurry on Saturday. First, in order to bypass the long lines at the front-of-the-store registers, Simmons reportedly bought a bevy of electronics stuff back in that very department. So then it was smooth sailing all the way to the parking lot, right? Wrong.

Cops says that as Simmons tried to leave the store with a male friend, one of those damn pesky old codger Walmart greeters asked to check the receipt on the goods. Apparently taking deep, deep offense to the greeter's highly overbearing request, Simmons allegedly lost her temper and then some...

Rather than producing the requested receipt, Simmons allegedly sized up the 70-year-old greeter (named Grace Suozzi) and proceeded to clock her one right the damn kisser! The old greeter geezer was reportedly knocked to the ground and suffered a fracture to the side of her face.

Simmons and her friend next allegedly tried to flee the store faster than, well, a Walmart greeter typically checks a customer receipt. The duo reportedly made it their car alright before getting boxed in by a crowd of angry shoppers so that they couldn't leave.

Cops busted Simmons' hurried ass on assault charges and tossed her in the hoosegow, where she spent Xmas day. And to think: If Simmons could have just mustered up the time to produce her receipt, she would have been Scot free...

That's because cops say Simmons wasn't trying to shoplift anything and (in fact) did have a receipt that covered all electronics items in her bag. And given that she's likely now facing time in the can, those may just have been some of the most expensive DVD's ever purchased.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-57348476-504083/cops-woman-arrested-for-punching-walmart-greeter-on-christmas-eve/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2078897/Shopper-punches-Walmart-greeter-70-face-asks-check-receipt.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

Scary Christmas: Fake San Fran Doctor Allegedly Performs Cheap Liposuction While Puffing on a Cigar, Then Tosses the Fat Right Down the Shitter!

At first blush, a guy like this might seem like a Christmas angel, what with him offering women cheap liposuctions for far below the going rate. But turns out he's little more than a nicotine fiend charlatan Grinch who also leaves a lot to be desired in the tissue disposal department (allegedly)...

Cops in San Fransisco say 49-year-old Carlos Guzman was operating his own local dermatology joint called the "Derma Clinic." Only problem? No medical license (leastways if you're the kind of person who views that to be a problem). I mean, this Frisco fruitloop was more phony than a San Fran Nan Pelosi sound bite (allegedly).

Guzman allegedly got around that little non-licensure hitch by assuming the identity of a local doctor who had a similar name. And when he allegedly told a local woman that he could do her a liposuction for peanuts, that was apparently an offer the broad just could not refuse.

And this Guzman was definitely what you might call a full-service provider (if only he had a license): On surgery day, he actually picked up this lady at her home and drove her down to the ol' Derma Clinic.

Once he was ready to get rolling, Guzman allegedly lit up a big cigar, which he proceeded to smoke right there in the damn operating room during the course of the surgery!

And this cigar-chompin' quack was apparently very cognizant of not being discovered, since why else would he make the shrewd move of taking the woman's removed fat back to HER house in order to dispose of it?

That's right -- Guzman allegedly showed up at the dame's house the next day, headed straight for the Shithouse, and flushed around six pounds of cellulite right down her crapper!

As I suppose it tends to go with these unlicensed physicians, the woman says the liposuction was botched, forcing her to seek corrective surgery. For good measure, this sloppy cigar sawbones also allegedly gave the woman's daughter an acne treatment "with a series of injections of an unknown substance in her face." I just hope it wasn't cigar ashes.

Now Guzman may have to do his doctorin' down in the hoosegow for some time to come, as he faces a bevy of felony charges. And given the correctional community's recent intolerance towards tobacco use in the joint, methinks this Guzman better smoke 'em now if he gots 'em.

http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Man-Allegedly-Poses-as-Doctor-Flushes-Liposuction-Fat-Down-Toilet-136151408.html

If You Gotta Go: Connecticut Man with "Nervous Bowels" Allegedly Pulls a Bank Job After Taking a Shit Out in the Parking Lot!

I'd think that one thing you typically DON'T want to do before knocking over a bank is to draw any unnecessary attention to yourself. For example, you wouldn't want to start a fight in the bank prior to passing along your demand note...

Nor would you want to bang some broad out in the lobby before the job. And the same principle applies equally to using the bank parking lot for a toilet in full view of bank employees prior to even entering the joint (allegedly). Put another way, this alleged bank robber in Connecticut must've REALLY had to take a damn dump...

Cops there say employees at the New Milford bank could see (and probably get a whiff of) this guy coming a mile away. A bank supervisor reportedly smelled trouble when "a teller and a customer said they had seen a man 'pooping' in the parking lot and not being discreet."

After finishing his business out the parking lot, 55-year-old Russell D. Mace (pictured above) reportedly made his way into the bank, where he was "sweating and appeared nervous." No word whether he bothered to try to wash his hands before heading in there.

Next this parking lot pooper allegedly wasted little time in telling a male teller, "This is a robbery, give me all your money." Cops say this sloppy shitman made off with over 3,000 bucks from the heist.

And here's the real question: In the likely event that this defecating dufus didn't wash those grubby paws before pulling this piece of work (allegedly), would the bank even want that money back? I personally wouldn't get within 10 feet of them tainted presidents.

And how'd ya like to be the employee tasked with having to count those beastly bills upon their return? If ever there was some dirty money in need of launderin'...

Regardless, at least this Mace character is likely to have an actual toilet and running water at his disposal for some time to come. That's because they typically provide those things down at the hoosegow, and cops have arrested and slapped Mace's crappin' ass with bank robbery charges. And I don't see him washing his hands of this one.

http://www.newstimes.com/policereports/article/Nervous-bowels-alleged-bank-robber-in-jail-2412992.php#photo-1950271

Gutter Ball Boor: South Carolina Man Allegedly Attacks Broad with a Damn Bowling Ball for Refusing His Offer of Free Drinks!

While a babe's odds are typically about 99% of remaining unscathed after refusing a man's offer to buy her drinks, there's still that 1% of the population (in addition to the millionaires and billionaires) known as slimeballs. And keep in mind that if you're dealing with a crumb-bag like that, such type typically doesn't accept rejection with a great deal of grace or manners...

Cops in Rock Hill, South Carolina say 31-year-old Omar Sheree Stevenson (pictured on right) was just such an individual, hanging out at the local bowling alley and looking to help one of the female patrons get her drink on through an offer of some free booze. But this alleged bowling boobjob Stevenson got bowled down faster on that offer than the pins on an Earl Anthony final frame.

Having been rejected, Stevenson reportedly first went about his business as usual, waiting until it was his turn to bowl and then picking up his 12-pound ball. But something in this bowl bum allegedly snapped at that point, like a bad episode of "Bowling for Dollars" and as if he had just had a 7-9 split disallowed or something...

In particular, cops say Stevenson went ape on the broad, taking his bowling ball and tossing it right at her head like it was the last pin needed for a game-winning spare. And he reportedly pounded that melon with a direct hit from the bowling ball, sending the dame sprawling to the ground.

Cops say they found this little number rolling around on the floor next to the snack bar, bleeding profusely from the top of her head. Gruesomely, cops say they "could see her skull through the cut." Miraculously, however, she was not seriously hurt and was released from the hospital after receiving seven stitches (with no skull fracture).

When cops caught up with Stevenson, he claimed he had just "lost his temper" and "regretted the incident." But now he may just have a very long extended vacation for expressing regrets and bowling out in the yard, since cops busted his PBA-reject ass for attempted murder. Forget the "three strikes" statute: Proceed down the alley and straight to the hoosegow.

http://www.heraldonline.com/2011/12/20/3611222/chester-man-faces-charges-after.html