I tried conjuring up a futuristic vision or two while squatting naked on one leg for a few hours in a van down by the Missouri River, but all I came up with was this lousy list of ten predictions for calendar year 2012 AD:10. The winner of the presidential election in November will be an ill-qualified, abrasive, flip-flopping, partisan buffoon.
9. The World won't end in December; instead, World tells China it can't pay its bills, and China gives World another six months (wink to Henny Youngman).
8. gop-er House speaker John Boehner doubles his annual spray-on tan expenditures by ruining even more tans than usual with all his crying.
7. The tea party and "occupy" movements find common ground, launch a new joint campaign entitled, "Let's All Just Fuck Up the County Something Real Bad-Like."
6. Lots of teacher and older broads bang lots of underaged students.
5. The total time spent on the golf course for the individual we currently have as president will for the first time eclipse that of Tiger Woods during a single calendar year.
4. Donald Trump will be very proud of himself -- in every single thing that he does during the course of the year.
3. No professional sports team from Kansas City, nor any collegiate sports team from the University of Missouri, will win much of anything.
2. Floyd Mayweather and Victor Ortiz will get it on again, this time with Floyd utilizing a foreign object from his trunks as referee Joe Cortez is distracted.
1. Obama and congressional democrats become embroiled in a fresh scandal over wasteful, porkbarrel spending after earmarking $500 million to give Nancy Pelosi a fresh coat of paint and a forehead solar panel.
Happy New Year to all (except for the partisans, of course).
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