Speaking of Crazy Psychos, "Macho Man" Randy Savage's Death Has Brought Out All Sorts of Wild Stories This Week. But From the Diamond, Not the Ring?

In the aftermath of Macho Man's death late last week, a simple Google search will quickly yield all sorts of recollections and crazy accounts from those who knew him. One I found most entertaining was SI.com's story this week on Macho Man's relatively brief professional baseball career in the early 1970's as a minor leaguer in the Cardinals and Reds organizations (link at bottom; pictures above)

One part of the story details the 1973 period in which Macho Man was promoted to the St. Louis Cardinals' Class A affiliate in Orangeburg, S.C., where Savage was managed by former major league slugger Jimmy Piersall (pictured above). And just get a load of some of the insane things this crazy cat reportedly did in and around the ball diamond:

-Once during a game when the umpire was bent over and sweeping the dirt off of home plate, he ran down the third base line "and took out the umpire for no apparent reason."

-He once got into a fistfight with an opposing player during a game and a scuffle with a teammate after the same game.

-He once got in trouble after he "spanked the four-year-old son of a teammate" in the clubhouse during a game.

-Once he was ejected from four games in less than three weeks.

-The last of those four ejections came following a second inning strikeout. Prior to that at-bat, he celebrated a teammate's home run "by spraying a water pistol on home plate."

-After that fourth ejection, he made his way up to the grandstand roof "to heckle the home plate umpire."

-On another occasion, he again brandished the water pistol and "squirted an umpire."

-"He once stepped up to bat wearing a Beatles wig and playing 'air guitar' on his bat."

-He once hit a home run and then ran backwards around the bases in order to garner some additional media attention.

-He also frequently mimicked opposing players and was known to run the bases with his arms spread "like an airplane."

-During one game, he "led cheers for himself" during breaks in play.

-During one break in play, he "hid behind centerfield monuments" and was heard purporting to "talk" to the deceased Babe Ruth.

The only thing is: I'm not even talking about Randy Savage. It was Jimmy Piersall who reportedly did all of those things (taking out the umpire while he was the manager of Savage's team, with the other incidents all occurring during his big league playing days with the Boston Red Sox and other teams).

"Man, was he ever crazy," said Savage teammate Bill Lorillard with respect to their Orangeburg skipper, Piersall. Yep, as nutty as Jared Loughner sans the crime spree (allegedly).

Or to use Patrick Kennedy-approved language, and as the SI.com story puts it, Piersall's "mental stability was often in question." Indeed, Piersall actually once received shock therapy in the nuthouse (no joke).

As for Savage -- no crazy man there, at least not on the baseball field. By all accounts, Savage was one hell of a hardworking, disciplined and smart minor league catcher (with a gun for an arm). He simply didn't have the talent to rise above the Class A level, particularly as a batter.

When Savage (real name, Randy Poffo) was finally out of baseball in 1974, he suddenly had to find a new way to make a living. The squared circle was a logical career choice since his old man (Angelo Poffo) had also been a pro wrestler.

And the rest was history. But I wonder just how much of Savage's one season around that crazy-ass Piersall might have influenced the creation of his over-the-top "Macho Man" character? Too bad he didn't bring Piersall along to serve as his pro wrestling manager as well. O-H Yeah!

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/the_bonus/05/23/macho.man/index.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Piersall
http://espn.go.com/classic/s/piersalljimadd000817.html
http://www.nami.org/ADVTemplate.cfm?Section=Advocate_enewsletter_2008&Template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=65995

Democrat Party's Patrick Kennedy Says He Feels For Alleged Gabrielle Giffords Shooter Jared Loughner & Says Don't Call Him "Psycho." OK, I'm Game...

In the linked story and interview from this week, Patrick Kennedy (the son of "Liberal Lion" Teddy Kennedy) says he doesn't care too much for people who call madmen like Loughner such terms as "psycho," "crazy" and "nuts."

Kennedy also says he "feels" for Loughner's predicament and has "sympathy" for the maniacal baldman who allegedly shot Giffords right in the head at point-blank range and killed six others:

"Clearly his brain was not working properly when he picked up that gun and shot all of those people . . . Clear that this is someone who is mentally, physically challenged in these psychotic breaks that he was suffering from . . . We failed as a society . . . ."

In addition to crediting Loughner for merely being "mentally and physically challenged," Kennedy also blasted society at large for "not helping" deranged people like odd fellow Loughner and expressed disdain towards labeling such people with descriptions such as "nuts."

So let me get this straight: When the immediate effort to blame deranged right-wingers like Sarah Palin and the tea party for Loughner's actions just didn't pan out (since damn pesky Jared had no track record of right-winger sympathies), next up is to just blame society at large? Isn't Bush available?

But you know what? I think the leftist 20 percenter Kennedy may just have a point over there. As a result, I'm going to refrain from calling Loughner a "psycho," and I'm not even going to call him "nuts" or "crazy." However, Kennedy didn't say anything precluding any of my other thoughts and observations on Loughner:

That lunatic's more bananas than a brain salad surgery teaching prop at Northwestern University. More crackers than even I toss into a Wendy's large chili. More underdone than a California Roll on a bed of seaweed. This whack job couldn't find his marbles at Toys 'R' Us.

And in addition to being someone straight out the booby hatch, this loon Loughner is a slimeball, a sleazebucket, a scumwad, a dirtbag, a veritable creepshow.

If representative Kennedy doesn't care for me talking in this fashion, I suggest he go have a good cry with house speaker John Boehner, since that's apparently one of the most favored pastimes of those two assclowns.


[BTW, nice rack, San Fran Nan -- and do I spot a hint of Nip on the left side of that snapshot?].

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0511/55491.html

Speechless.

http://www.kansascity.com/2011/05/22/2894488/deadly-tornado-strikes-joplin.html

"Obama to Explore Irish Roots": My 1st Thought as a Mick Yank Was That He's About as Irish as He's Mainstream American. But When You Think About It...

On tap for Obama today is a visit to Ireland, and the itinerary doesn't just include official business. Obama will reportedly spend some time today looking into his purported "Irish roots." And when you get past the initial huge laugh of such a notion, there really are numerous ways in which Obama might justifiably claim to have some green blood flowing through his veins. I say we start calling this Irishman, "O'Bama" -- what do you think?

In short, Obama actually has a lot in common with the Irish people. So much so, in fact, that I could probably reel off 100 or more examples if I wanted. But for the sake of brevity (as well as to spare you), I'll limit myself to the first 10 examples that spring to mind (in no particular order):

1. The Irish like to drink beer.

Obama likes to spread fear.

2. The Irish look for four-leaf clovers for luck.

Obama's wife would like all of us to subsist on clovers and tree bark (see pics above).

3. A minority of the Irish population speaks a rather strange tongue to the ear known as native "Irish" or "Gaelic."

Obama belongs to a small minority of Americans who speak the equally odd language of "leftist 20 percenter."

4. The Irish preserve their ancient castles and are quite harsh with those who would deface them.

Obama expects to be treated like a castle monarch and goes Nixonian on the ass of anyone in the White House press corp who treats him otherwise.

5. Many Irish tend to look down upon their hobo population (known as "tinkers") that travels around and beds down in makeshift huts.

Obama the multi-millionaire offers not one red (or green) cent of financial support to his Kenyan brother who likewise lives in a hut.

6. The Irish are known for their explosive tempers.

Obama is known for pushing a button on a guy or getting us involved in a new foreign military incursion or escalation anytime he thinks he could use a bump in the polls.

7. The glass jar-fare at Ireland's Waterford Crystal factory is truly something to behold.

The class war-fare that Obama incessantly uses in his rhetoric is truly something to bemoan.

8. The Irish say there's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow.

Obama says there's a racist lurking under every American bed.

9. The Irish wish they lived on a unified island having no border with Northern Ireland.

Obama is no fan himself of the concept of U.S. borders and makes jokes about building a moat around the U.S. and stocking it with alligators.

10. The Irish are quite fond of wee little men known as leprechauns.

Obama purportedly gets a real kick out of that little midget on HBO's Game of Thrones.


(OK, that last one -- made it up. BTW, I like that little guy Tyrion myself: To me, he's the most interesting and multidimensional character on the entire Thrones show).

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Barack-Obama-Moneygall-Visit-US-President-To-Visit-Ireland-Ahead-Of-State-Visit-To-UK/Article/201105315996322?lpos=World_News_Right_Promo_Region_1&lid=ARTICLE_15996322_Barack_Obama_Moneygall_Visit%3A_US_President_To_Visit_Ireland_Ahead_Of_State_Visit_To_UK

Maybe the World IS Ending, As Hobos Wreak Havoc: Bums Allegedly Blow Up House, Commit Stabbings and Murders, and Disrupt Traffic By Hijacking Roof!

These Tramps Be Tearin' It Up (allegedly)! Try telling them the world ain't coming to an end this weekend!

"Piping Hot" Panhandlers Really Burn Down the House

It's typically a big moneymaker for so many of these bums: Strip the pipes and copper out of a joint and then go sell it for cold hard moolah. But typically they stick to abandoned structures, and with good reason -- as evidenced this week in the Big Apple.

Cops there say two vagabonds broke into an inhabited apartment (under renovation) this week looking to rip out the pipes and sell them to support a drug habit. But "this plan really backfired," says the New York Post.

And how -- as these "piping hot dopes" allegedly removed an active gas line, fired up a cigarette at the same time, and "blew the front off the Staten Island home"!

The alleged "burned duo" has since been busted and sent up the river to a place where their cancer sticks suddenly got a lot more expensive -- the local pokey.

What Did "Yard Sale" Dyck Ever Do to Satan & Roofless?

A rather sad street urchin story out of Virginia this weekend, where prosecutors have charged two bums actually named Satan and Roofless with going Jungle Buzzard (hobos feeding on their own) and forcing fellow vagabond "Yard Sale" Dick (pictured above with his girlfriend Lucille) to Catch the Westbound (i.e., he's dead and in the bone orchard).

And now "the sad-eyed, cross-country train hopper" Satan has pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in the beating death of Yard Sale Dyck. In a court hearing, Satan said "I apologize," as he claims he only meant to "beat up" Dyck. Satan's partner Roofless has also copped a plea to involuntary manslaughter.

The whole thing reportedly went down over Yard Sale Dyck's old lady, Lucille. Satan says that the foursome was "camping out in the rail yard and waiting to catch a southbound train" when Yard Sale Dyck took to beatin' his old lady. Satan claims that he and Roofless were just coming to Lucille's aid when they beat the living f*ck outta Dyck.

And they played it out just like any effort to prevent violence on a female -- by beating the holy hell out of Dyck, dragging Dyck's body to a van, covering the corpse with "pine straw and plywood," and then abandoning the van (according to testimony in the case). Yeah, that little fairytale about just standing up for the lady holds a lot of water -- as shown by the tramps' two guilty pleas in the case.

The Jungle Buzzards ARE Really Circlin' Over This Corner Spot

More unfortunate Jungle Buzzarding in Ohio this week, where a hobo allegedly shanked a fellow bum over the right to stand on a damn street corner.

Did these two turnpikers tussle over panhandlin' position? Nope -- rather up for grabs was prime newspaper peddling turf. Cop says the bum fight broke out during the morning rush hour just outside downtown Columbus.

Cops say 46-year-old gypsy Jeffrey Armstrong got it on with 61-year-old tinker Howard J. Ingram ("J"? A Ragman Aristocrat!), with the old timer getting the better of his younger Rum Dum. Armstrong's up in the sawbones' symphony (a phrase I just coined) in critical condition.

Alleged assailant Ingram, meantime, is livin' the loafer lockup in the cage, charged with felonious assault. You really telling me this tramp couldn't have just hoofed it over to the next downtown exit and sold his California Blankets (hobo newspapers) there? Mindless violence (allegedly).

"He MAY Have Mental Issues"

We end this sorry nomad parade in the Lone Star State this week, where cops say a hobo (pictured seated above) took over a motel roof and caused a real ruckus and distraction for passing cars down on the street (maybe he was just looking for prominent hitchhiking position?).

Cops says the bum made the rooftop his temporary home, "causing quite the traffic jam out there." They say they're not sure how he got up there and say he's not suicidal, although they say "he may have mental issues." Frankly, how they'd leap to such rash conclusions is beyond me.

At last report, this tramp was refusing to come down and cops were in no hurry to foist him down -- traffic jams be damned and regardless. But at least this layabout ain't blowing anything up, pulling any Jungle Buzzard, nor slicing any hobos into minced mudlark.

So I support the cops on this one: Just leave this bindle stiff up there 'til he's ready to come down. Besides, on this Rapture weekend, I can't see any God that I know bringin' down any Wrath with a ragpicker still up on a roof.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/staten_island/piping_hot_dopes_s6YyXPAgUV4RSO1bgDVFqO

http://www2.timesdispatch.com/news/2011/may/20/tdmet02-homeless-man-pleads-guilty-in-beating-deat-ar-1051669/
http://www2.nbc4i.com/news/2011/may/20/5/stabbing-victim-critical-grant-officers-questionin-ar-497114/
http://www.krgv.com/news/local/story/Homeless-Man-On-Top-of-Pharr-Motel-Causing/1H4WCKxt10CKxO3FDEaSrw.cspx

Stick a Sword in 'Em -- They're Done! As the Economy in Obama's America Recedes Towards the Middle Ages, People Embrace the Theme By Wielding Swords!

Oh, for the Old Days, when scumjob creeps would simply yank out a knife or a gun when they wanted to put a hole in somebody. But those were simpler times. Before the recession. Before Obama. (And W). [Wink to Star Wars]. Now -- in a country gone mad -- they're pulling out damn Samurai swords!



"Louisville Woman Pulls Sword at Pizza Hut"

That's a "woman"? Pictured above left is the mugshot of 29-year-old Wynika Mason. And I don't know if the joint was out of anchovies or what, but cops say something set Mason off to arguing with employees at a Louisville Pizza Hut on Thursday.

But it was reportedly just a routine argument, as arguments go, until Mason allegedly "raised the sakes considerably" by trying to pull a sword. That'll do it! Employees say that Mason "began to raise it out of the sheath" when her brother snatched the big blade and scurried off towards their car.

[Good to know, BTW, that Mason practiced proper sword safety (allegedly) by having the weapon properly sheathed out in public.]

About that time, cops got the call that Mason was "causing trouble" (one way of putting it) down at the Pizza Hut. When they arrived, Mason reportedly admitted owning the sword, telling cops that it was out in her car.

Now Mason may have to take her pizza and sword-play to the local Chill Factory, as she faces charges of disorderly conduct and menacing. I wonder if she'll try to avoid can time by claiming that she just wanted to use the sword to slice up her Meat Lovers' Pie?

The Double-Edged Sword of Fence-Play: Watch Out You Don't Get Killed

Also from last week, cops in Michigan responded to a 911 call saying that a man was administering a good beatin' to a woman in an apartment complex parking lot -- although apparently, no swords were at play at that particular juncture.

When cops showed up, they say 49-year-old Leon Roy Jones ran from the parking lot to this apartment. And this guy really didn't care too much for the cops crashing his little beatdown party uninvited (allegedly). Cops say Jones quickly came out of the apartment wielding a "16-inch double-edge sword"!

And the weapon reportedly wasn't just for show. Cops say Jones came at them with the sword and ignored their warnings to stop. "This was definitely a lethal situation," said one cop -- literally. One of the cops then shot and killed Jones, with an eyewitness backing up the cops' account. The shooting's currently under investigation.

This Was No Way to Honor Thy Father

It doesn't get much more cowardly than this: A 24-year-old man in New York named Zachary Gibian has been sentence to 25 years in the freezer after he admitted slicing up his stepfather to death with a samurai sword while the old man (a retired cop) was sleeping.

This slimeball Gibian freely admits that he nearly beheaded Stepdaddy during the couch attack, although he previously tried to blame his mama for the crime -- the sleazejacket. He also at one point claimed the old man sexually abused him, but he later recanted that one too. How he was only charged with manslaughter and only sentenced to 25 years is beyond me.

Regardless, all of these stories have only served to remind me that my skills as a swordsman have significantly diminished since my college days. I'm rusty and need to sweep the dust off my sword and sheath down in the basement -- lest I wish to become mincemeat at some parking lot or pizza parlor in Obama's Crazy America.

http://www.fox41.com/story/14683962/police-louisville-woman-pulls-sword-at-pizza-hut
http://www.lansingstatejournal.com/article/20110518/NEWS01/105180321/Bath-Township-police-officer-kills-man-49-wielding-sword?odyssey=tab%7Ctopnews%7Ctext%7CFRONTPAGE
http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/ny-man-sentenced-to-25-years-in-prison-after-admitting-he-killed-stepfather-with-samurai-sword/2011/05/16/AFNTw14G_story.html

Workplace WOW: Salesmen Get Prostitute Bonus, While Bossman Allegedly (Among Other Vile Things) Beats His Barmaids with a Riding Crop!

I need to get into sales. But I'd probably have to learn German. This after a German insurance company provided free prostitutes to its top salesmen. (But only the very top earners got the real pick of the litter -- read on...)

Contrast that with Workplace Hell here in the States: A bar owner in Virginia faces a bevy of criminal charges for allegedly (and repeatedly) attacking his barmaids with a horse riding crop! And that wasn't even the close to being the worst of it...

Working on Commission Never Seemed So Appealing

It's a bit like living in the mob. There, you either earn or you get whacked out or something. Similar principle in sales: Either you sell or you don't eat. And think how much extra motivation you'd have if, on top of your commission, there was a free hooker waiting for you at the end of the year. Sort of a Hoe Bonus, you might say. And there was nothing hobo about it.

And that's exactly what German insurance company "Munich Re" reportedly added to its little package of salesmen benefits in the late 2000's (link to full story at bottom). Specifically, the company threw a big hooker "orgy" party for its 100 top salesmen in Budapest, Hungary.

The only problem? Sloppy seconds (and thirds, etc.), as the company only sprung for 20 whores. C'mon! If you're going to add this new benefit, then at least go all the way! Cheapskate company.

But at least the salesmen could tell how many of their fellow employees had been with each hoe. That's because "after each encounter the women were stamped on the lower arm in order to keep track of how often each woman was frequented."

There was also the matter of the men being able to tell the difference between the 20 ladies who were "available for service" to do "whatever [the men] liked" and the other ladies who were on hand as eye candy only. But the company apparently wasn't interested in doing the tired old name tag thing that you typically see at business events.

The solution? Color-coded wrist bands, of course! "The women wore red and yellow wrist bands. One lot were hostesses, and the others would fulfill your every wish."

And then there were the white wrist bands. Those were worn by the hottest harlots in the harem, who were reserved only for the very top salesmen in the company (plus the pesky company board members).

My reaction to all of this: An event like this would never fly in the States since it was so completely discriminatory. This thing was like a walking employment discrimination lawsuit. What about the company's lady salespeople? No gigolos for them? Please.

And let's not forget the gay dudes. You mean to tell me that out of a group of 100 salesmen, there weren't at least a few gay guys? And all 20 prostitutes were women. Just what in the holy hell were the gay guys supposed to do at this orgy, anyway? Twiddle their thumbs?

This Bossman Was One Brutal Slimeball (Allegedly)

This bossman was a real piece of work and then some (allegedly). Five barmaids in Virginia have written and submitted criminal complaints against their boss, alleging that he gave them a good beating (and a whole lot more), and that he did so over and over in recent months.

He's 54-year-old Henry Fitzsimmons, and he owns the Envy Bar and Grill in Virginia Beach. His barmaids say that the beatings included repeated spankings and that their sleazebucket bossman (allegedly) would often come after them with a damn riding crop! (Apparently he didn't have any buggy whips on hand, and had to settle for the riding crop as a makeshift replacement).

And Fitzsimmons allegedly gave a whole new meaning to the phrase, "when I get done with you, you won't sit down for a week." As one barmaid said, "the welts and bruises were so severe that she sometimes couldn't sit down."

But none of that was even the worst of it! At least one of the barmaids is alleging sexual assault by "penetration with an inanimate object." There's also an allegation that the slimejob Fitzsimmons (allegedly) threatened the safety of one barmaid's family "if she didn't commit sexual acts."

Now this scumwad (allegedly) may have to practice with his riding crop in a different kind of joint having neither horses nor barmaids, as he's facing eleven felony counts for sexual battery, assault and battery, and abduction.

But might this creep have some sort of half-ass defense to the charges? Of course! The linked story indicates that the barmaids may have signed some sort of ridiculous employment agreement in which they agreed to "be spanked if certain rules are broken."

If so, and if Fitzsimmons tries to use that as a defense, I think that would be a brand new one in the annals of criminal justice history: Consent to have a felony committed upon your person. While we're at it, why don't we go ahead and add Kill Clauses to every employment contract in the country: "I agree that the bossman can spank, rape or even kill me, but only insofar as I break some of his chickenshit rules."

Sorry, but I don't think that defense is going to play in Peoria, or even on the east coast, as the case may be. Maybe instead, Fitzsimmons can sue the barmaids for breach of contract for "breaking the rules," not to mention ratting him out on the alleged spankings. He's got to get his girls in line, after all, and that riding crop just ain't cutting the mustard anymore.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-13454160
http://www.wtkr.com/news/wtkr-man-spanks-employees,0,4838383.story