Sunday, May 22, 2011

Maybe the World IS Ending, As Hobos Wreak Havoc: Bums Allegedly Blow Up House, Commit Stabbings and Murders, and Disrupt Traffic By Hijacking Roof!






These Tramps Be Tearin' It Up (allegedly)! Try telling them the world ain't coming to an end this weekend!

"Piping Hot" Panhandlers Really Burn Down the House

It's typically a big moneymaker for so many of these bums: Strip the pipes and copper out of a joint and then go sell it for cold hard moolah. But typically they stick to abandoned structures, and with good reason -- as evidenced this week in the Big Apple.

Cops there say two vagabonds broke into an inhabited apartment (under renovation) this week looking to rip out the pipes and sell them to support a drug habit. But "this plan really backfired," says the New York Post.

And how -- as these "piping hot dopes" allegedly removed an active gas line, fired up a cigarette at the same time, and "blew the front off the Staten Island home"!

The alleged "burned duo" has since been busted and sent up the river to a place where their cancer sticks suddenly got a lot more expensive -- the local pokey.

What Did "Yard Sale" Dyck Ever Do to Satan & Roofless?

A rather sad street urchin story out of Virginia this weekend, where prosecutors have charged two bums actually named Satan and Roofless with going Jungle Buzzard (hobos feeding on their own) and forcing fellow vagabond "Yard Sale" Dick (pictured above with his girlfriend Lucille) to Catch the Westbound (i.e., he's dead and in the bone orchard).

And now "the sad-eyed, cross-country train hopper" Satan has pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in the beating death of Yard Sale Dyck. In a court hearing, Satan said "I apologize," as he claims he only meant to "beat up" Dyck. Satan's partner Roofless has also copped a plea to involuntary manslaughter.

The whole thing reportedly went down over Yard Sale Dyck's old lady, Lucille. Satan says that the foursome was "camping out in the rail yard and waiting to catch a southbound train" when Yard Sale Dyck took to beatin' his old lady. Satan claims that he and Roofless were just coming to Lucille's aid when they beat the living f*ck outta Dyck.

And they played it out just like any effort to prevent violence on a female -- by beating the holy hell out of Dyck, dragging Dyck's body to a van, covering the corpse with "pine straw and plywood," and then abandoning the van (according to testimony in the case). Yeah, that little fairytale about just standing up for the lady holds a lot of water -- as shown by the tramps' two guilty pleas in the case.

The Jungle Buzzards ARE Really Circlin' Over This Corner Spot

More unfortunate Jungle Buzzarding in Ohio this week, where a hobo allegedly shanked a fellow bum over the right to stand on a damn street corner.

Did these two turnpikers tussle over panhandlin' position? Nope -- rather up for grabs was prime newspaper peddling turf. Cop says the bum fight broke out during the morning rush hour just outside downtown Columbus.

Cops say 46-year-old gypsy Jeffrey Armstrong got it on with 61-year-old tinker Howard J. Ingram ("J"? A Ragman Aristocrat!), with the old timer getting the better of his younger Rum Dum. Armstrong's up in the sawbones' symphony (a phrase I just coined) in critical condition.

Alleged assailant Ingram, meantime, is livin' the loafer lockup in the cage, charged with felonious assault. You really telling me this tramp couldn't have just hoofed it over to the next downtown exit and sold his California Blankets (hobo newspapers) there? Mindless violence (allegedly).

"He MAY Have Mental Issues"

We end this sorry nomad parade in the Lone Star State this week, where cops say a hobo (pictured seated above) took over a motel roof and caused a real ruckus and distraction for passing cars down on the street (maybe he was just looking for prominent hitchhiking position?).

Cops says the bum made the rooftop his temporary home, "causing quite the traffic jam out there." They say they're not sure how he got up there and say he's not suicidal, although they say "he may have mental issues." Frankly, how they'd leap to such rash conclusions is beyond me.

At last report, this tramp was refusing to come down and cops were in no hurry to foist him down -- traffic jams be damned and regardless. But at least this layabout ain't blowing anything up, pulling any Jungle Buzzard, nor slicing any hobos into minced mudlark.

So I support the cops on this one: Just leave this bindle stiff up there 'til he's ready to come down. Besides, on this Rapture weekend, I can't see any God that I know bringin' down any Wrath with a ragpicker still up on a roof.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/staten_island/piping_hot_dopes_s6YyXPAgUV4RSO1bgDVFqO
Posted by The Independent Rage