Their Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the Comin' of the Sarah? Supporters Record Oddball Tribute Song to Palin. Will It Hit the Top 40?

It's been all over the Net this week and has gone viral on YouTube. The zany song is called the "Sarah Palin Battle Hymn," and it's set to the music of the famous "Battle Hymn of the Republic." It was apparently recorded at a church by the motley duo shown above.

I say that because nothing says solemn church service quite like an old ball cap and a political hymn or two. And isn't that the same dude who performed that old novelty song, "Convoy" (above right)?

Regardless, and likely thankfully, I don't think this or too many other Palin tribute songs are going to be hittin' heavy rotation on the nation's Top 40 stations anytime soon. Can you just imagine what this week's Billboard Top 10 might look like if all of America's popular music artists became suddenly smitten with Sarah? Maybe something like this:

#10. Rihanna, "Only Rogue (In the World)"

#9. Bruno Mars, "Just the Wasilla You Are"

#8. Black Eyed Peas, "The Slime (Dirty Dem)"

#7. Wiz Khalifa, "Black And Yellow Blood Libel"

#6. Todd Inglesias, "Tonight (I'm Nailin' Palin)"

#5. P!nk, "Raise Your Tea Cup"

#4. Ke$ha, "We R Who We Refudiate"

#3. Rihanna, "What's My Latest Bra Size"

#2. Katy Perry, "Firework & FireObama"

#1. Bruno Mars, "Grenade That Grizzly!"

Good Grief. Forget the First Amendment: With a list like that, I think I'd actually want Obama’s FCC Diversity Czar Mark Lloyd to get his jollies and start imposing some censorship!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/17/sarah-palin-battle-hymn-song-video_n_810005.html#s225348&title=Sarah_Palin_Battle

http://music-mix.ew.com/2011/01/13/bruno-mars-no-1-billboard-hot-100-chart-2/

Clone Zone: "I Don’t Want to Live My Life Again," Said Snuffleupagus. The Woolly Mammoth, Like Most Things From the Past, Should Stay Dead & Buried.

"I don't want to live my life again" was a line from legendary rock group The Ramones' theme song from the Pet Sematary films. The point being: Once dead, whom in their right mind really wants to come back to life, lest you wish to end up like Clancy Brown's crazy "Gus the Sheriff" character or one of the many demented resurrected pets from those films.

That's the first thing that occurred to me when I read the crazy story this week of a Japanese "researcher" who wants to bring an extinct woolly mammoth back to life (so to speak) through the cloning process over the next five years (link to full story at bottom).

His name is Akira Iritani of Kyoto University, and he claims he can resurrect a woolly mammoth through cloning if he can just get his little hands on some frozen tissue from the remains of one of the extinct pachyderms in Siberia. He says he would use a modern elephant from Africa to act as a "surrogate" mama. How convenient.

Iritani says that if he gets ahold of the proper tissue, his chances for bringing back a living woolly mammoth would be 30 percent. Translation: He would have little or no chance of actually pulling it off.

But regardless, why even try? What truly bona fide purpose is there? He'd be creating a solitary lonely animal, not bringing back the entire species. And for what? So that human beings could gawk at it in some display somewhere? So that stuffy academics somewhere can purport to "study" it and stick their "findings" in some science journal read by no one?

I for one say let the woolly mammoth rest in peace. Dead things from the past best live on in history books only.

http://www.thetechherald.com/article.php/201103/6703/World-to-welcome-back-woolly-mammoth-by-2016

No Fun League? I Can Appreciate Players Behaving Like Jackasses, Just So Long As They Entertain Me!

And the New York Jets' Shonn Greene certainly did entertain me yesterday. If you didn't catch the Jets 28-21 upset victory over New England, Greene scored a touchdown to put the Jets up by 14 points in the waning minutes. Pretty much game over. And to signify that fact, Greene celebrated the TD by laying down and taking a little nap in the endzone, using the football as his pillow (as shown above). In short: "Nap time" for the Patriots.

Just for good measure, it seemed like all of the Jets' "players, coaches, trainers, fans, press corps, rodeo clowns, and escaped mental patients converged on Greene" to wake him from his slumber and join in the celebration. And to top things off, Greene -- after being awakened -- sprinted off the field doing his best impersonation of a jet airliner (a common gesture by the Jets players, but Greene's "flight" was perhaps the best effort of the day).

Through some combination of all of these events, Greene drew a 15-yard "unsportsmanlike conduct" penalty that was assessed on the "ensuing" (can't we just say "next" or "following"?) kickoff. But the game was essentially over, with only 1:46 left on the clock. If the Jets had found a way to lose that game at that point, it certainly would not have been because of Greene's penalty. It wasn't like Greene's TD had merely put the Jets up by one score.

Which brings me to the sourpuss, Grumpy Gus reaction of CBS' old prude play-by-by announcer Jim Nantz. Nantz, who doubles as the network's main Golf Whisperer, has apparently been hanging around too many stuff country clubs and golf courses and, perhaps, should be put out to pasture like so many Pat Summeralls. His reaction:

"I've never understood the absurdity of all the self-aggrandizing and now you're going to cost your team 15 yards on the kick and you're going to give Brady and his unit a chance to do something."

Wrong, Jimmy boy. As stated, the game was over. Have a little fun, dude! This wasn't the back nine at Augusta National. And BTW: "Self-aggrandizing"? Who are you -- Nancy Pelosi or Karl Rove? Who talks that way? Why not toss some "robust," "vitriolic," "paradigm" or "capitulation" blasts into the mix why you're at it? If you're going to talk like some out-of-touch DC beltway insider, you might as well use the whole vocabulary!

For the record, I personally found Greene's routine to be hilarious. And I don't mean merely "LOL" funny, which has come to be the Internet age's way of fake-laughing through a keyboard. Nope. I actually busted out in laughter watching Greene's whole scene yesterday. The only thing better would have been for Greene to break out a little blanket and maybe a nightcap as appropriate props. Now that would have been really funny!

Final thought: Pro sports could use a few more teams like the Jets (just not too many more) -- the brash, arrogant team completely molded in the over-the-top personality of its head coach, Rex Ryan. As indicated, I wouldn't want every pro sports team to mirror the Jets, but it's certainly entertaining to have some of those teams around. Especially in the No Fun League.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Video-CBS-announcer-bashes-Jets-absurd-touchd?urn=nfl-308377
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/575289-nfl-playoffs-2011-new-york-jets-pittsburgh-steelers-and-mondays-top-nfl-news/entry/42688-shonn-greene-taking-a-nap-in-the-end-zone-draws-flag-who-cares
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/jets/galleries/jets_look_to_back_up_talk_vs_patriots/jets_look_to_back_up_talk_vs_patriots.html

I've Heard of Back Alley Abortions, But "Black Market Boob & Butt Jobs" Out of an Apartment Bedroom? And Complete With a Healthy Dose of Krazy Glue?!

With a headline reading "Booby-Trapped," this story's from New York, where 36-year-old Whalesca Castillo (pictured on the left) has allegedly been running a "breast-&-butt mill" out of her own bedroom "since at least 2009" (link to full story at bottom).

Cops say Castillo, a beautician, would take advantage of her job at a local hair and nail salon to enlist people "who wanted more than just pretty nails" in order to be clients at her makeshift apartment boob & butt job clinic. According to the cops, "her bedroom looked like a clinic, but with a massage table instead of an operating table."

The reported going rate for one of Castillo’s amateur boob or butt jobs? 1000 clams. Once the customer had bucked up, it was time to bust out the silicon! Castillo would allegedly have her "patients" sprawl out on the massage table "for dangerous injections of liquid silicone that she had shipped from the Dominican Republic." But it was only after the injections that the real fun began (allegedly)!

Instead of using a sterile suture to close up the wounds, cops say that Castillo would close things up with Krazy Glue! (I wonder what she used for an anesthetic? A bottle of Jack Daniels?)

And if you had an adverse reaction to one of these insane procedures, then you wouldn't want to look to Castillo for any help or support: Cops says that after one "patient" passed out following a Castillo "treatment," Castillo told the woman that "she couldn't go the hospital because the injections were illegal."

And illegal for a reason: The injections also risked the the life of the "patient." The reported risks of these twisted "procedures" included permanent lumps in the skin, infection, skin ulceration, and even death.

That's why the FBI busted the alleged boob job charlatan this week and is trying to throw the book at her. Castillo bonded out of the can on Friday for $100,000 and now faces three years in the joint. (I'm surprised they're not trying to give her the rack.)

Maybe in the pen she can find some new customers and get back in business right there in her cell: Ten cartons ‘a smokes for a boob job; Eight cartons to pad that ass.

http://newyorkpost.com/p/news/local/bronx/booby_trapped_EDzlKSQPVHJE69shdiyidN

Where Are the Calls for "Civility" to the Nation's Animals After a Bloody Week in which a Fox Shot a Man & a Rat Bit a Dude Right on the Tallywacker?!

It was a bad week for humans. The small land mammals of the world are apparently fed up with us pushing our weight around so much, and they ain't takin' it any longer! First up is the curious case of the fox who reportedly used his "paw" (do foxes have paws or hoofs?) to pull the trigger on a rifle, injuring the man who had been hunting the fox.

The first linked story says the fox had been wounded by the hunter but "shot its would be killer" by "pulling the trigger on the hunter's gun as the pair scuffled after the man tried to finish the animal off with the butt of the rifle."

Frankly, I'm not sure what the odder sight would be here: The fox operating a firearm or the fox putting up his dukes (errrr, paws) in order to engage in a "scuffle" with the hunter? Regardless, "the animal fiercely resisted and in the struggle" ended up reportedly "pulling the trigger with its paw," sending the hunter to the ER with a leg wound. The fox escaped, and there's no word whether it's facing any charges or whether it remains armed and dangerous.

Next up: I've heard of a "jailhouse rat," but this ridiculous (second link)! Some rat (both figuratively and literally) in New York allegedly took a bite out of a male inmate's penis at a county hoosegow, "drawing blood" in the process.

The inmate – 54-year-old Peter Solomon – says the furry critter's presence was due to the deliberate "indifference" of his jailers, who allegedly "knew the ward in which they placed him was infested with rodents." Solomon also claims his jailers "mistreated him because he is black," and that he's been the butt of jokes ("rabies jabs") around the joint ever since the rat mistook his junk for a Kraft cheese stick.

Since I doubt the rat has two plug nickels to scrape together, Solomon is instead going after the deeper pockets of the county in a new lawsuit. Similar to the gun-toting fox, there's no indication yet whether this rat is still on the loose or whether cops are looking to finger it for its alleged little role in this whole sordid event.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/us_belarus_fox;_ylt=Anaio1QYos_5VVn.0OJI1nJzfNdF
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12187409

Coldfellas: It's "The Obama Way" on Full Display, As Brooklyn Ice Cream Man Brings Knife to a Fight with Competitor, But Gets Coned w/ a Baseball Bat!

As I listen today to the 1,000th democrat party member tell me this week to act with more "civility," I see this crazy story from the New York Post and am reminded of Obama's famous line, "If they bring a knife to a fight, we bring a gun!" Well, that may be "The Chicago Way," but in the Big Apple you don’t need a piece at a knife fight – just a Louisville Slugger!

The whole incident started when ice cream delivery man Steven Perez ("Stevie") (pictured above) allegedly "tried to carve up a rival like a banana split." Stevie -- the "regular ice cream supplier" to a local grocery store -- saw competitor Homero Jaramillo attempting to muscle in on his business by "trying to sell some cut-rate Haagen-Dazs to the shop’s owner."

This apparently didn't cut the mustard with Stevie, who then allegedly proceeded to try to cut the custard by going after his ice cream rival with a box cutter! Perhaps suffering from momentary brain freeze, Stevie allegedly screamed: "I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" Put another way, Stevie "threatened to turn his dessert-dealing rival into rocky road."

It reportedly took the store owner and his brother to restrain Stevie, which gave Homero a chance to lickety-split-it right out the joint’s front door faster than a pistachio puma. But "the cold war didn't end there." Not by a long shot.

Homero allegedly went to his truck, scooped up a baseball bat like it was vanilla ice cream, and headed back into the store to get a piece of the box cutter-wielding Stevie (allegedly)! Give me a bat over a knife any day, as the ice cream peddling competitor reportedly creamed Stevie right across his back side with the lumber! Home run, Homero. Nothing soft serve about it.

The store owner says Homero's bat shot was "self defense," while Stevie claims he never brandished any box cutter in the first place. But they'll have to tell it to the judge, since each of these sorbet warriors may have to spend some time cooling off in the can as opposed to the ice cream parlor:

After all the chocolate chips had settled, cops threw the book at both ice cream fighters with charges of assault, "menacing" and harassment – which could put both men on ice for a while to come. I wonder if they serve Haagen-Dazs in the hoosegow?

http://www.newyorkpost.com/p/news/local/brooklyn/ice_cream_cold_war_BrqhnEoBPyuqhDadB1jgaI

Conservative Charles Krauthammer Ordains that the Actions of Alleged Arizona Killer Jared Loughner Were "Not Political Behavior." But I’m Not So Sure.

In a new column this week, the conservative commentator Krauthammer attempts to take a look at various Loughner accounts from people who knew the accused madman (link at bottom). Krauthammer reaches these conclusions concerning Loughner's alleged shooting of Gabrielle Giffords and murder of several others:

"This is not political behavior. These are the signs of a clinical thought disorder - ideas disconnected from each other, incoherent, delusional, detached from reality. These are all the hallmarks of a paranoid schizophrenic. And a dangerous one."

Let's see here. Thoughts "disconnected from each other"? "Incoherent"? "Delusional"? "Detached from reality"? Perhaps psychotic? "Dangerous"? Gosh, those descriptions sound vaguely familiar.

Wait, I got it! If you put all those descriptions together (or even look at them individually), then you’ve basically got what I would consider to be a textbook definition for the American far left and far right. At the very least, Loughner has a lot in common, in terms of his mental state, with the loony and deranged ones who control our two illustrious political parties.

The other day I reached the conclusion that Loughner's alleged actions could be best blamed on global warming. But that opinion is not set in stone, by any means. Krauthammer's column has given me a whole new angle to chew upon. Maybe this demented slimeball Loughner wasn't so "apolitical" after all?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/01/11/AR2011011106068.html

Jeezal Peezal! Charlie Sheen’s New Girlfriend Has Sure Been One Busy Porn Babe…

Her name is Bree Olson. She's 23 and just a small town girl, originally from Fort Wayne, Indiana. While Sheen, 45, is reportedly currently seeing three different porn stars in Vegas, Olson is said to be his "No. 1" as well as a dame with whom he's become quite "smitten" (links at bottom).

And Sheen – whose own film career took a sharp turn for the worse about 10 years ago – might be able to score some pointers off his new porn chick when it comes to staying relevant and employed in the film business. That's because according to IMDb, Bree's porn "filmography" is starting to push the number 200 in just four short years since her "debut" in 2006’s Whale Tail 3. If you’re scoring at home, that’s almost one porno per week over that period!

Many of Bree's porn titles are not readily repeatable in a family blog such as this one, but here's a list of 25 of her top titles which are (at least somewhat) repeatable – all of which serve only to reinforce that Bree is just the kind of broad that we'd all like to take home to mama (or not):

-Big Screw Review
-BlackMarket Bayou
-Bra Bustin’ & Deep Thrustin’ 2
-Debbie Duz Dishes Again
-Destination Tonsils
-Double Decker Sandwich 10
-Filth C*ms First
-Go F**k Myself 2
-Grand Theft Anal 10
-Lex the Impaler 6
-Long Don Black Kong
-Lord of Asses 9
-Manaconda 2
-Meat My Ass 7
-Meet the Twins 7
-MILF Eye for Teen Pie [Sorry, but that’s just wrong!]
-Natural Knockers 12
-No! Please Don’t Tickle Me There
-Old Enough to be Their Mother 2
-Pop Goes the Weasel 2
-Rack by Popular Demand 3
-Real Racks 4
-69 Bree Street
-Slam It! In a Slut
-T**ts Ahoy 5

My two personal favorites from that laundry list (favorite titles, that is) are Rack by Popular Demand 3 and Long Don Black Kong. And I even have a film idea of my own to pitch: Sheen and Bree should star in a porn film together! Working title -- Ball Street: Charlie Never Sleeps.

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2011/01/11/sheens-sexxxy-new-squeeze-celebs-resist-porn-stars/
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_soup/b219864_has_charlie_sheen_found_his_dream_girl.html

As Kansas City Is Pummeled with Nearly a Foot of Snow & Arctic-Like Winds, I Think I’m Starting to Come Around on This Whole Blame Game Thing…

It took a completely ungodly Midwest cold snap & snow blast, plus a healthy dose of the Arizona massacre, to finally bring me to my senses on a few things that the American political left and right have known all along:

I’ve fooled myself for way too long into always looking for the most convenient person or natural phenomenon to blame for bad events. Always, it seemed, I blamed the act’s perpetrator or such cursory notions as the natural course of the earth’s cycles, or some other such drivel.

Well today, finally, I woke up and said to myself (I said, I said): “Self, TODAY – We’re going to break the hearts of all those damn mealy-mouthed Independents!” And so it is that I arrive at the following pronouncements as I officially cast my lot into the Great American Blame Game!:

1. The Jared Loughner Arizona Massacre (Allegedly): I’m officially blaming Global Warming, since the same has acted to contribute to Loughner being either unseasonably hot or cold nearly 24-7, 365 days annually, for years now. Who could possibly blame this slime (errrr, individual) for overheating like he did on a chilly day in early January?

2. This Damn Pesky, Inclimate Kansas City Weather: I’m blaming heavy metal music. The American pop culture is purely rotten, heavy metal among it, and finally God’s Wrath has fully come to roost upon all of us here in flyover territory for that and for consistently voting incumbents out of office every election cycle for no apparent good reason as oftentimes pointed out by the American political left and right.

3. My prior reluctance and push-back towards fully embracing the American Political System’s incessant Blame Game, which spins every single human tragedy and worldwide calamity as a product of the terrible behavior of those with whom we disagree: For failing to come around for so long, I blame Bush. Hey, I don’t have any otherwise decent candidate, and he’s the good ol’ standby in that regard. When in doubt, blame Bush. Good grief, it would be SO politically incorrect to blame the ultra-personable nice guy next door named Barack Obama. I ain’t going there! Since I may disagree with many of his policies, but I find him personally very likable! Nope. I'm on Bush.

http://www.kansascity.com/2011/01/10/2573595/first-big-snow-of-the-season-hits.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1345895/Tucson-gunman-Jared-Loughner-appears-court.html

Rush Slimebaugh Today on Accused Arizona Killer & Gabrielle Giffords Shooter Jared Loughner: "This Guy Listened to Heavy Metal!" Gee, Can't Have That!

Yesterday it was the far left blaming the deranged and demented Loughner's alleged murderous rampage on conservative rhetoric, and today it was the far right's chance to weigh in, with Rush Slimebaugh actually suggesting that heavy metal music might have played some blameworthy role. Call me naive for continuing to blame Loughner's actions on Loughner himself. And yes, I do fully realize that such a groundbreaking notion is a bit out there on a limb in this day and age!

But another thing about Slimebaugh's rant rubbed me the wrong way as well: It's based on the necessary and ridiculous premise that there is something inherently wrong with listening to metal music in the first place! (And that if you do so, you may go insane!) We're talking about a common form of American popular music, and Slimebaugh just insulted a large swath of the American population with his dumbass comment.

It very much reminds me of a comment from loony left-winger Alec Baldwin (who wants to run for political office, BTW) from a few years back, although I just heard it for the first time in recent days: He was trying to talk smack at right-winger Sean Hannity and included within his rant the fact that Hannity was a "former construction worker." WTF?!?!

So many of these elitist leftist and right-winger talking heads and politicians are just so completely out of touch with the average American. For example, if you're a hard-working blue collar construction worker who loves to listen to some metal on your way to work, then apparently you are to be made fun of and scorned by both the far right and far left alike. Their words, not mine.

Ultimately, Baldwin and Slimebaugh are two illustrative examples of a much larger point: Why have any allegiance to these two parties or either political side when they have absolutely no allegiance to you, the common man? They don't care about you; only about your vote.

Very few of them have any real convictions to speak of at all, and most all of them do not deserve one ounce of our admiration, respect or loyalty. Or, feel free to disagree with me, and continue to follow idols who view the Average Joe to be something beneath them. I'll pass. And where did I put my damn Five Finger Death Punch CD?

Predictably But Yet Disgustingly, the Arizona Massacre & Gabrielle Gibbons Shooting Are Quickly Politicized By the American Far Left…

Links at bottom to examples. Like I said – highly predictable, and involving the usual suspects, such as Daily Kos & Huffington Post. And even an unusual one – Politico.com (“seemed to be validated,” Politico? Get a clue).

Despite the predictability, I guess what gets me a bit perturbed is the fact that the American far left that controls the democrat party has NEVER had any place for a centrist democrat politician like Gibbons. But yet they’ll immediately use her for political purposes in the wake of her being shot through the brain by a madman. How convenient.

In case you haven’t noticed any of the rumblings from the far left, they’re out there blaming Sarah Palin, the tea party movement and the republican party for the Gibbons shooting. Never mind that 6 people are dead, including a 9-year-old girl and a republican-appointed federal judge. Never mind that the believed gunman Jared Loughner was a total nutjob who seemed to be just as enamored with far leftist literature such as the Communist Manifesto as he was with deranged right-winger propaganda such as Hitler’s Mein Kampf.

This slimeball Loughner was completely batty and loony tunes (complete with nonsensical online rants about paper money, gold standards & mind control). Guess whom I blame for this massacre? Him. Gee, what a novel concept! What is wrong with me?! I don’t blame Palin. I don’t blame tea partiers. I don’t blame Hitler or Karl Marx. I don’t blame crazy political rhetoric on talk radio. Heck, I don’t even blame Bush.

But then again, I’m not a mindless partisan ideologue. Instead, I’m a rational human being in a country that’s about half composed of loony left-wingers and deranged right-wingers. A frightening thought.

And let me say just a few words about Giffords. I didn’t know much about her until watching and reading a bunch of the last day’s coverage. She strikes me as a pretty damn impressive politician – a compliment I ever so rarely give out. Strikes me as basically a centrist democrat with conviction and courage enough to be free-minded and to let her viewpoints come out all over the place. I can completely identify.

I pray she survives, is not brain damaged, and will be able to make a full recovery. From everything I’ve read and heard, we could use a lot more politicians like her. Just like we could use a lot fewer sleazewads like Jared Loughner and the far left loons who try to use him and Gibbons for scuzbucket political purposes.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0111/47294.html
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0111/47252.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marty-kaplan/gabrielle-giffords-shooting_b_806232.html
http://www.tigerboard.com/boards/missouri-tigers.php?message=8240793