First 2012 Presidential Debate: No Knockdowns; Rather Romney Wins By Decision. But Is That Good Enough for Him? Or Is It All He Really Needed to Accomplish?

So much for the pundits predicting we "might see some fireworks tonight!"  No real fireworks.  (Also no major gaffes by either guy).  You might even call the whole affair a tad bit boring (except for Obama making me laugh several times as usual -- more on that later).  I thought both men were way too wonkish and "down in the weeds" much of the time, and that sort of thing is always going to favor the incumbent...

That said:  Overall, I give Romney a win here because he seemed more engaged and a fair amount less stiff than Obama.  Yet, I thought the Stand-for-Little gop-er Mittster missed a huge opportunity to hammer Obama a lot more over so many of the rotten attributes of the Obama presidency.  A bit too nice, Romney was (although admittedly with a number of good lines aimed at swing voters, which lines are likely to resonate)...

But is this (a workmanlike win) all that Romney really needed to accomplish tonight?  There's a school of punditry thought (primarily from the right-wingers) that all Romney needed to do tonight was show up and reassure the American audience that he's not (in contrast to the Obama campaign machine narrative) a scary Dick Cheney or Newt Gingrich-like Darth Vader figure.  Well, as W Bush might say: "Mission Accomplished" on that front.  But...

Not sure that's nearly enough, given that Romney, while close to Obama in national polls, is still distinctly behind (though only slightly or "not overcomingly" -- I just invented a new word) in several of the so-called "battleground states" that will ultimately decide this election in the electoral college.  Regardless, I do predict Romney will get a small bounce from tonight in those same states.

And speaking of missed opportunities as I did above, Obama missed a huge one by not even alluding to Romney's prior statements seeming to write off 47% of the American population as not being worth the effort to try to connect with (sorry Jeeves for ending sentence on a preposition).  However, I think that may (who knows) have been because Obama didn't want to open the door to Romney commenting on newly released portions of a highly divisive Obama Virginia college speech in 2007 (see last night's post).

Final thought:  Although I did find Obama to be fairly stiff tonight, I'm still hesitant to trash his performance to any significant degree since (as those who've read me know that I always appreciate) he made me laugh out loud (literally LOL) several times tonight, albeit completely unintentionally on his part.  It ain't easy makin' me laugh, and you score brownie points when you pull that off (again, sorry Jeeves).  I mean, this leftist 20 percenter Obama had me rollin' over here!  To wit (based on my notes; not precise word-for-word):

-"I share a deep interest in encouraging small business growth."

-"We don't want to blow up our deficit."

-"The basic structure of Social Security is sound."

-"Private insurance companies have to make a profit. There's nothing wrong with that. That's what they do."

-"I had 5 seconds before you interrupted me, Jim" [prior to Obama going on for another 30 plus seconds].

-"Governor Romney has not had the ability to say 'no' to some of the most extreme people in his party."

Thanks, Obama, for the comedic relief!  The Good Lord knows we can all use it these days!

http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-live-obama-romney-presidential-debate-2012,0,3871379.story

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POSTSCRIPT:  A Final, Final important note:  I didn't come into this debate having an overly high opinion of the debate moderator, Jim Lehrer.  He's a devoted leftist, in my view, who often wore that slant on his sleeve as a PBS "anchor" and commentator.  But I thought he did a great job as moderator tonight!  He did the job any debate moderator (or any decent journalist) should do:  Checking his own viewpoints at the door.  And also loved the debate format that Lehrer presided over:  No rigid rules and plenty of unscripted back-and-forth between the candidates.  That's called a debate, and quite unlike the way most of these events unfold.  A BIG Rager Kudos to old battle axe Jim Lehrer on this night (very seriously).

Right-Wingers Go Ape Tuesday Night Over Newly Released Portions of Obama's So-Called "Other Race Speech" from 2007. But as to Both Obama's Remarks & the Right-Wingers' Behavior Here, Only One Word Comes to Mind: Ugliness.

The joint, mutual release of this video (from a 2007 Virginia college speech) was an ugly, highly coordinated effort among several different right-winger "news" outlets (aren't they supposed to be competitors against each other to break news?), including Fox News/Sean Hannity (noodle pictured above), The Daily Caller (link at bottom), and The Drudge Report.  And these same right-wing goofs go around complaining daily about the "mainstream" media's obvious leftist bias and conspiratorial behavior!

Not only that, but I'm sure (not) these right-winger outlets just happened to stumble on these "new" portions of the 2007 speech in the past few days!  Had nothing to do with the election being about a month away or the first presidential debate being one night away, of course!  Please.  [Legitimate news outlets report news (which this is, since we haven't heard it before) when they first have the story; in contrast, partisan advocates hold on to news until a politically propitious moment to release it.]

And then there's Obama's actual remarks here, which contain plenty of ugliness in themselves.  Although, to me, there's nothing highly shocking or surprising about them.  Obama's a far leftist, and he's (albeit typically through his minions and surrogates) a blatant race baiter.  He's not a "uniter." He's not a man of high moral conviction. He's not a hero.  He's just another slimy politician who constantly tries to hide what he really believes and wants to do. Like there's anything new about any of that (as least to me).

In Obama's remarks, he talks (frankly, often rants and wildly gestures) in this exaggerated Southern-style accent that he rarely (if ever) has used in his public speeches, sounding like something out of a bad pro wrestling Rock interview ("Where's yo' dolla's?!?, screams Obama!) -- I was just waiting for Obama to break into a "Can Ya Smell What Barack Is Cooking" catchphrase!

As for the content (his words, not mine):

-"The people down in New Orleans [Hurricane Katrina victims] -- they [the Feds] don't care them about as much!"  This insinuation here was that the federal government under Clinton and W Bush cared more about disasters where more white people were allegedly involved -- Hurricane Andrew and 9-11 (both referenced by Obama).  But of course!  White man presidential administrations are always gonna care more about their own race!  It's only natural.  But so much for Bubba being the first black president, I suppose.

-Obama then accuses the feds under those prior administrations of only paying attention to disasters affecting African-Americans (e.g., Katrina, the LA Riots) when "they wake up" and suddenly realize that "black people angry!"  Even then, according to Obama, the federal response is just a wink and a nod and "some aid money [that] we don't always know where it's going" until "the news coverage quiets down."  Again, any prior administration (whether gop-er or democrat party) inherently hates black people as a fact of life, Obama insinuates.  But also again, the "Big Dog" (Clinton) gets tossed under the bus -- the same slimeball (Clinton) who was Obama's featured speaker at the democrat party national convention last month!  And I like to call Romney Mr. Stand-For-Nothin'!

-Obama makes a point to give a "shout out" to his "friend" and reverend, Jeremiah Wright, whom Obama credits with providing "counsel" to him and the Obama family.  Wright -- best known for his previous radical "white racist under every bed" and "God Damn America" rhetoric -- has always been claimed by Obama and his surrogates to be little more than an irrelevant local preacher whose church Obama just happened to attend for many years:  As the democrat party narrative went, Obama wasn't particularly close to Wright, and there shouldn't be any "guilt by association."  Two words:  False narrative.

-For good measure, and in classic leftist world-view style, Obama insults lower income Americans as being too stupid to ever possibly look out for themselves, even needing training and help with the most mundane of everyday lifestyle tasks, such as "showing up for work on time."  Said Obama: "We can't expect them to have all the skills they need to work. They may need help with basic skills, how to shop, how to show up for work on time, how to wear the right clothes. We have to help them get there!"  And I thought Romney was (and have criticized him for being) the one who writes off huge swaths of the population as being utterly helpless!

-Finally, for an infrastructure sort of guy who believes that government-funded roads, bridges and highways built your small business rather than you, Obama sure seems to dislike certain aspects of that same infrastructure:  "We don't need to build more highways out in the suburbs [insinuation: where all the white folk live] . . . We should be investing in minority-owned businesses, in our neighborhoods, so people don't have to travel from miles away."  Right!  No minorities live in suburbs!  And only minorities live in "our neighborhoods" -- where they're forced to drive around on mud roads sans even a mere sprinkle of gravel!  No damn wonder they need training in how to get to work on time.

http://dailycaller.com/2012/10/02/obama-speech-jeremiah-wright-new-orleans/

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Chinese Joint in Kentucky "Forced to Shut Its Doors After Allegedly Serving Up Roadkill"! Would Sure Hate to See that Menu...

While I'm certain this joint didn't put any of its culinary roadkill delights (allegedly) on the published menu, I can only imagine the "Off-Menu" cuisine one could've specially ordered at the now-shuttered "Red Flower" Chinese restaurant in Williamsburg, Kentucky (last seen with an employee allegedly wheeling a dead deer in the back before it closed) (link below).

Indeed, here's a potential sampling of some of the putrid possibilities:

Just For Starters:

-Crab Raccoon
-Cantonese Cat Splat
-Frog Leg Rolls
-Lemon Buzzard Lo Brien
-Mu Shu Muskrat
-Snake Dropped Soup
-Curry Furry Back

Dinner Entrees:

-Garlic Goose Gullet
-Beijing Beaver with Broccoli
-General Tso's Just Like Chicken
-Double Dog Delight in Chef's Hot Pepper Sauce
-Sweet and Sour Skunk
-Sesame Street Carcass
-Twice Killed Coyote
-Deer with Roadster Sauce
-Ginger Dead Rabbit
-Cashew Rat-chew
-Kung Pao Possum

Little wonder I always spend half the next day in the shithouse anytime I eat Chinese for dinner.

http://www.myfoxdc.com/story/19682381/kentucky-restaurant-shut-down-after-road-kill-found-in-kitchen

Good Thing He Didn't Have a Glass Eye: Florida Broad Allegedly Snatches Off Ex-Boyfriend's Prosthetic Leg & Gives Him a Good Beatin' With It in Custody Fight Over Son!

I'm not pulling your leg: This dame's cold. Not only does she give the Ex a major league beatdown with a blunt, heavy object, but she reduces him to hoppin' around on one leg to defend himself (allegedly)!  Talk about employing dirty tactics to garner a leg up...

The first leg of this story (links below) began with 23-year-old Jadian Hatfield (pictured above/below) being none too happy with the ol' custody arrangements with respect to the two-year-old son of her and ex-boyfriend Brandon Fleming (pictured above). So Jadian allegedly fired off a text threatening to put the Ex "six feet under" if he didn't shake a leg and turn the boy over to her.

And when that didn't work, Jadian reportedly tried the more personal approach to get a leg over on the Ex. That meant showing up at Ex's joint at 11 p.m. with a couple of goons to try to take Sonny away (allegedly).

Then, like something out of a bad episode of Monday Night Raw, Jadian allegedly had her two louts wrestle around with the Ex and hold him "while she pulled off his prosthetic leg."  From there, this hotheaded little number allegedly beat the living hell out of the Ex with his own leg!

When even that apparently didn't persuade the Ex to give up Sonny, Jadian for good measure allegedly pulled out a 12-gauge shotgun from her car "and threatened to kill the 25-year-old [Ex] if he did not let her leave with their child."

With the kid then finally in tow, Jadian and her two creeps allegedly legged it the hell out of there before cops could arrive.  But this sick incident is still likely to cost Jadian both an arm and a leg, since cops have slapped her with a whole string of criminal charges.  And from the sound of things, it may be her, ironically, who has nary a leg to stand on if this thing goes to trial.

http://www.fox10tv.com/dpp/news/local_news/okaloosa/deputy-woman-beats-ex-with-prosthetic-leg
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2201732/Woman-beat-ex-boyfriend-prosthetic-leg-threatened-kill-shotgun.html

"Going Down, Party Time": Woman Busted 4 Times in 26 Hours For Allegedly Blasting AC/DC Song "Highway to Hell" Over and Over & Tossing Frying Pan at Nephew!

(FIRST Hit PLAY on the video immediately above -- it'll enhance your reading experience.)

Season ticket on a one-way ride -- to the hoosegow, that is? 53-year-old New Hampshire broad Joyce Coffey (pictured above and below; "look at me!") is allegedly quite enamored with AC/DC's old hard rock standard "Highway to Hell" -- apparently even to the extent of blarring it (and other songs) out her house over and over despite already having been arrested multiple times that day for "loud music" (link below)...

Cops weren't taking everything in their stride and say that at the end of this 26-hour rock'n'roll ruckus, Coffey was busted a total of four times.  Ain't nothing this dame would rather do, apparently, than blast "Highway to Hell," as cops first issued her a warning before being called back an hour later to slap her with her first arrest of the day.

At some point, Coffey reportedly started mixing in some Guns N' Roses on her play list, and she was arrested a second time some five hours later.  Garnering another release, Coffey -- seemingly needing no reason nor rhyme -- reached the arrest trifecta just "before dawn" (again, for alleged loud music).

And like any great hard rock or heavy metal artist, this rockin' little number knew how to work in a big encore with no stop signs or speed limit -- meaning a fourth arrest after she allegedly clocked her nephew right the melon with a big frying plan (with the music still thumpin', apparently).  Nobody was gonna mess her 'round!

Curiously and for some odd reason, following that last arrest, a local judge reportedly ordered that Coffey BOTH (1) undergo a mental health evaluation and (2) start using headphones.

For the moment, she'll be livin' easy and livin' free at home -- albeit under "electronic confinement" -- as long as she passes that psych exam. But she ain't askin' nothing; I'd leave her be.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2198161/Woman-arrested-times-26-hours-playing-loud-rock-music-throwing-frying-pan-nephew.html

"Give Me MY Cake, & Let ME to Eat It Too!" Memo to Egyptian "Presidents" and "Minnesota Gays": There Are Actually Bounds of Human Decency that Should Apply to Pursuing Self-Interests...

To wit:

1.  "Egypt leader demands U.S. aid, censorship [of Islamic criticism], plus end to Israel 'occupation.'"

http://dailycaller.com/2012/09/26/morsi-urges-end-of-israeli-occupation-limits-on-free-speech/

2.  "Minnesota gays upset over pro-gay-marriage ads featuring straight people [actors]."

http://dailycaller.com/2012/09/26/minnesota-gays-upset-over-pro-gay-marriage-ads-featuring-straight-people/

Since being an imbecilic, I-deserve-everything-for-no-good-reason deranged freak is apparently now very much en vogue in the rotten chatter which now comprises American and worldwide "political discourse" on both the left and right, I shall now lodge my own Me-First demand:

"I demand that everything I desire be provided to me free of charge, that anyone with a problem with that be tossed in the hoosegow, and that only good-looking Kraut-Mick actors [Colin Farrell comes to mind, even if he has no Kraut to him] be legally permitted to express my viewpoint on television."

I deserve that kind of treatment, after all.  Because I'm just that special.

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"Y'all Better Vote For Fuckin' Obama," Screams Really Old Broad Madonna, Also Promising to Strip Down Buck Naked If He's Reelected! Now THAT Did It...

I don't wanna see that old battle axe in the buff.  That sight wasn't exactly so hot in the 80s (Playboy pics), and that was 30 years ago, when she used to have to some show (apologies, Barry -- M, not O).

So given that rather vile threat by the faded, near-ossified pop star (who for brain dead good measure also referred to Obama as a "black Muslim"), I'm over here saying -- screw all my prior pledges to vote third party for president yet again in 2012...

The stakes (i.e. having to see that old prune in the raw) are just too high this election season.  'Fraid I'm gonna just have to bite the 'ol bullet and vote for Stand-for-nothin' Romney.  (Or, well, I'm currently of a mind, leastways, given the frightening current threats of the "Old Material" girl).

http://thehill.com/capital-living/in-the-know/258491-madonna-strips-for-obama-offers-profanity-laced-endorsement

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Doesn't Anyone Use Fists Anymore? Vegas Man Allegedly Goes to Town on Neighbor's Skull with a Guitar and a Toilet Seat!

You know, you're not likely to end up facing attempted murder charges by just putting up your dukes -- absent perhaps (1) being a world class MMA or prize fighter cleaning the clock of some street putz or (2) continuing to beat the hell out of a dude after he's down. But once you introduce some household hardcore wrestling weapons into the brawlin' mix, all bets are off...

And so it is that 41-year-old Ronald Hetzel (mugshot above) of Las Vegas is (indeed) currently facing charges for allegedly attempting to whack out his neighbor with an odd assortment of household items -- and apparently for no good reason other than the fact that the neighbor was standing there.

Cops say they tried to slap the ol' cuffs on Hetzel when they found him shirtless and raisin' a ruckus out on the street near his house.  But Hetzel allegedly managed to scurry away, leap a fence, and duck down into his neighbor's backyard.

Hetzel next allegedy broke into the house to try to hide but found the neighbor at home. And while a bad turn of luck like that might lead many a fleeing criminal to head back outside and just keep running, Hetzel reportedly had a little something different in mind: Like passing the time by starting a pier-six brawl with the neighbor!

First Hetzel allegedly grabbed a big wooden guitar and proceeded (like some sort of poor man's New Jack) to bash the neighbor right over the head with it. But since guitars are seemingly prone to splitting into a million pieces when wielded as a weapon, Hetzel quickly needed to get his grubby paws on another blunt trauma device (allegedly)...

And where better to look for a good bludgeoning object than the nearest shithouse?  That's where Hetzel allegedly ripped out a heavy porcelain toilet lid and started tatooing the neighbor right across the mush with that weapon as well!

After some gratuitous strangulation attempts on the neighbor thereafter (allegedly), cops -- exhibiting all the one-yard-to-the-next tracking skills of a Stevie Wonder/Ray Charles tag team -- reportedly finally arrived in the house some 20 minutes later to haul Hetzel off to the hoosegow. And that's where this hot-headed hardcore hack is likely to rot for some time to come, given that he's facing a string of felony charges that include attempted murder.

Which gives me some concern. Because while I believe most toilets in the Joint don't have removable seats or lids, cons are often allowed musical instruments. Can you imagine if this Hetzel character got a hold of a damn sousaphone?

http://www.ktnv.com/news/local/163591266.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/25/ronald-hetzel-guitar_n_1702045.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news&ir=Weird%20News

Millionaire Mitt Romney Out of Touch with Average Americans. An Average Joe Carries Around & Flashes a Big Wad of Jack in a Giant Roll...

Over the weekend, "Mr. Obama pulled out a wad of bills that looked almost large enough to make a dent in the national debt as he browsed for pork treats [again with the pork this month] alongside Milwaukee mayor Tom Barrett."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2207301/Is-deficits-hiding-Obama-whips-massive-wad-cash-pay-sausages-deli.html

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Who's the "Boss"? Hot Pics of Ex-Wife Camille Turn Kelsey Grammer Into a Real-Life Version of His Hot-Headed Chicago Mayor TV Character!

He's Mayor Tom Kane. And he's one of the craziest and most ruthless and hot-headed politicians you'll ever want to see.  When his Chief of Staff leaks some unfavorable information to the media, the Mayor has the guy whacked out!  When a local union leader won't play ball, the Mayor tries to twist his damn ear off!  When his daughter is using drugs, the Mayor rats her out and sends her ass to the hoosegow, just because it benefits him politically.  What a piece of work, this guy!

And in a classic case of life imitating art, actor Kelsey Grammer this week became his Mayor Kane character from Starz' "Boss" series after getting a load of some hot photos of ex-wife Camille Grammer (pictured above and below; link below).  It seems that Kelsey was in the CNN Building getting ready for an interview on Piers Morgan when he took a gander at some hot Camille pics (used in the show's open) and reportedly stormed his way right out of the joint and out on to the street!

The tantrum left Morgan completely in the lurch, without a guest to interview in his next segment.  Meantime, Kelsey was outta there, never to return.  "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" star Camille, BTW, is 13 years Kelsey's junior.

And it seems pretty clear to me why he got so hot under the collar over there at CNN:  Dude must have thought, "WTF was I thinking when I divorced those -- errrr -- that broad!"  But I can't blame him for going ape.  Hell, who wouldn't blow their stack over that rack?

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/09/kelsey-grammer-walks-out-on-piers-morgan/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2206021/Camille-Grammer-shows-ample-cleavage-bikini--ex-husband-Kelsey-flees-building-picture-her.html

Call Her Big Fatty with a BAD Case of the Munchies: Lady Gaga Tokes on Marijuana Joint, Gets Really Fat in Holland. Good Grief!

For cryin' out loud, she could give us a break, get a bigger outfit, and try to hide it like Elvis did! I was shocked to see these pictures from a concert in Amsterdam this week showing a big fat Lady Gaga struttin' her portly new stuff after taking a big drag off a damn doobie! (Links below; pics above)

The Tuesday concert first had the 26-year-old Gaga up there on stage rifling through a sack of presents from fans and finding a baggy with a big, long Reggie inside. "Is it real?," Gaga reportedly asked the crowd.

And since there was only one way to find out, apparently, Gaga fired up that Fatty faster than George Foreman ordering a platter of cheeseburgers and "took several long drags before throwing it back into the audience."

Pictures from later in the concert (she changed costumes several times) appear to show the frightening consequences well known to any devoted la la, limbo-likin' Lord of the paca lolo: Those damn pesky post-Pato munchies! 

From the sorry looks of it, Gaga has recently packed on dozens of extra pounds to her formerly short, skinny frame. At first blush, I thought this was actually a Kelly Osbourne concert before reading the UK Daily Mail's headline. At least Kelly was Born This Way.

http://dailycaller.com/2012/09/19/lady-gagas-latest-antics-to-scandalize-fans-is-smoking-marijuana-on-stage/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2205629/Lady-Gaga-shows-new-fuller-figure-gaining-30lbs-favourite-carnivorous-creation.html

At Least the Tea Partiers Have Largely Beat It: Leftist "Occupiers" Make Jackasses of Themselves on "Birthday." These Goofs Need to Get Some New Material!

I'll say one thing for the deranged right-winger tea partiers: After cropping up in 2010 and raising a ruckus, they've since mostly crawled back into the tea bag. Same can't be said, unfortunately, for the leftist 20 percenter devotees and other freaks comprising the so-called "occupy" movement...

Purportedly celebrating their one-year "birthday," these fools descended on the Big Apple this week, much to the amusement of civilized human beings everywhere (links below).  "The protesters sure acted like a bunch of babies," crowed the New York Post. And too bad the past 12 months haven't provided them with much in the way of new or clever ideas, either...

"From temper tantrums to taunting cops with doughnuts" (so highly original), these louts "allowed their infantile antics to overshadow any message against corporate greed," noted the Post.

In short, the only leftist card these rocket scientists still had left to play was to try to provoke the cops ("Over here, copper!"). And then to try again. And again. And again. And again...

Many of the protesters, reports the Post, "spent the day provoking cops," first by "holding rods dangling doughnuts from fishing lines" (pictured above).  And since donut-and-coffee jokes about cops have never been tried before, these creeps doubled down, setting up a "doughnut-laden table" with a sign reading, "NYPD Welcome Center."

For good measure, these nuts also trotted out one of their molding oldies from 2011, unleashing carefully concocted chants of "Fuck the Police!" 

For that one, I'm just wondering if the surviving members of legendary rap group N.W.A. have ever tried to sue these occupier punks for unauthorized use of that phrase? But, truth be told, how would you ever serve a civil lawsuit summons on a creature who's already had the ol' cuffs slapped on him?

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/over_here_copper_mmm_HRBg7c1n8kYXjphAYA9WZO
http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2012/09/17/occupy-wall-street-a-frenzy-that-fizzled/
http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/news/2012/09/17/occupy-wall-street-anniversary-hundreds-gather-in-new-york/

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Obama: "If [gop-ers] Want Me to Walk the Dog or Wash the Car, I'm Happy to Do It!" But Methinks Rather gop-ers Should Enlist a Few Broads...

And regardless of what such foolishness from Obama and his democrat party even means (don't know, don't care) or why an American president is spouting it, I have a slightly different proposal for the leftist individual we currently have as a  president...

I don't really care how dirty the car is these days down at One Pennsylvania Avenue or how much the dog may need to go outside -- just load up that ride, including that dog (Luke, Beau, Roscoe, whatever it's called), and head straight out to pasture somewhere back in Illinois, "Mr. President".

Hell, I might've even considered voting to send you directly on this little roadtrip myself, if only Romney wasn't the hapless alternative come November.  But don't worry, I won't be voting for you either, Barry.  No matter how much manual labor you offer to perform over the next six weeks.

http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/obama-if-republicans-want-me-walk-dog-or-wash-their-car-im-happy-do-it_652499.html

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Mite Court: "Bug-Infested Witness Shuts Down Detroit Courtroom"!

Some members of the public just don't get it.  It's called courtroom decorum.  It means there are standards for how you dress and carry on in a court of law.  Shabby clothes -- highly discouraged.  Large cleavage displays and other forms of frontal nudity -- not permitted.  Cursing -- forgetaboutit.  And walking in the joint with a big mess of bugs crawling all over you -- generally frowned upon as well...

But that reportedly didn't stop one Detroit man from recently getting his bug on right there in a local courtroom (link below)!  And we're not just talking about a few gnats circling around this bugman -- we're talking "bug-infested" from head to toe when he "showed up for proceedings."

This dragonfly dude apparently needed to be in court to appear as a witness, but even that didn't stop the judge from quickly "evacuating" the courtroom and having all personnel bug out for home "after a bailiff spotted the man with insects crawling on him."

The waspy witness's daughter says her old man's bug issues stem from a bedbug infestation at home, but it doesn't sound like court workers are necessarily buying that line of vermin.  In particular, one court staffer told local WWJ Newsradio 950 that "it's not yet clear what kind of bugs were on the man," stating that the human bug infestation spotted on the man may have included "cockroaches and fleas."

The court, meantime, is making its best effort at remediation, with "a pest control company [being] called in to spray."  However, the jury's still reportedly out on when in the future the courtroom might be able to reopen.

But let me take this opportunity to put a bug in the ear of young law students everywhere:  Never call a fleabag as a witness. And if your case depends on the testimony of a giant stinkbug with human legs, then think long and hard about the possibility of dismissal.  With prejudice.

http://detroit.cbslocal.com/2012/08/23/bug-infested-witness-shuts-down-detroit-court-room/

Pork Dork: St. Louis Man Allegedly Whacks Out His Own Uncle in Argument Over a Damn Plate of Pork Steaks!

43-year-old John Cunningham (pictured above) really knows his pork steaks.  And so when this mean-ass meatman is fixin' to toss a platter of pork steaks on the ol' grill, don't you trying telling him that said steaks are really pork chops or some other cut of swine. Lest you want this pork afficionado to go all butcherblock on your ass (allegedly)!

It actually sounds like this story began lovely enough, with Cunningham paying a nice little visit to the house of his uncle (44-year-old Lessie Lowe) and other family members to cook up some eats late Sunday night (link below). But alas: Enter pork steak. And all hell broke loose from there...

As Cunningham prepared to cook up a big mess a' meat, a thorny point of porky pig contention reportedly reared its ugly pork snout: Cunningham maintained that the meat cuts at issue were pork steaks, while Uncle simply did not agree, retorting that nephew was in fact totin' a slew a' pork chops.

Apparently not being familiar with the tired but true old phrase, "we can agree to disagree," the two men took to fightin' (reportedly) and "had to be separated by someone else in the home." But Nephew Cunningham, being ever the prideful porkbelly that he is, wasn't about to let this meatball matter lie...

But what's a piss-and-vinegar porker like him to do? Maybe re-engage Uncle in oral argument? Or resume the fisticuffs? Or even give Uncle a little chumpchop cheapshot? Nope, none of those things. Instead, Nephew chose the next most logical option -- meaning he allegedly scurried off "to another part of the home," got his meathooks on a shotgun, and came out blastin'!

Clipped by the piece, Uncle allegedly hit the floor faster than a porkshank at a Vegan convention -- later dying at the hospital. Meantime cops have slapped a meaty murder charge on Nephew's pork carver ass, while also taking the time to the inform the media that Nephew Cunningham was correct that the meat in question was, indeed, pork steak. Glad 5-0's around to clear that up for us. Hate loose burnt ends over here.

http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/st-louis-police-jennings-man-shot-uncle-to-death-over/article_a281ed60-fc21-11e1-b1fc-001a4bcf6878.html#.UE-j_z3xBwU.facebook

[Postscript: Thanks to Joe G in St. Louis for passing this story along.]