Friday, December 28, 2012

UN-intendo: "Family Finds Hardcore Porn on 5-Year-Old's Christmas Gift" -- a Nintendo 3DS! Now, THAT Combination Sure Conjures Up Some Sick Imagery...


This story (link below) is proof positive that some things should never be mixed. American politicians and decent human beings. Burning smokes and Alabama shithouses. Kim Kardashian and talent competitions.  And never: The video game and porn industries.

I just think of some of the hottest video game releases of 2012: Games like Analogue: A Hate Story, Mass Effect 3, Final Fantasy XIII-2, Call of Duty: Black Ops 2, Dragon's Dogma, Kid Icarus: Uprising, Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning, Metal Gear Solid Snake Eater, Tales From Space: Mutant Blobs Attack, and Thomas Was Alone...

Can you just imagine the rotten ruckus that the purveyors of porn might raise if they got their sticky little paws on some of those titles?  One can just ponder the carnal carnage:
  •  Anal-Log: A Hole Story

  • Ass Affect Me

  • Anal Fanny-See XXX

  • Call of Booty: Back Ops Screw

  • Dragon's Log(in)Ma

  • Kid Stick-Er-Ass: Uprising

  • Kingdongs of Amateur: Erectioning

  • Meet My Rear: Solid Snake In-Her

  • Tails From Space: Mutant Boobs And Racks

  • Thomas Was a Load
Now that's just sick. It's sick. We don't need that sort of thing around here.

http://www.9news.com/news/article/306990/339/Family-finds-racy-photos-on-5-year-olds-Christmas-gift

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Full Metal STICK-IT -- We'll Do Whatever the Hell We Want! Leftist NBC News Allegedly Ignores Cop Warning Not to Possess Illegal Gun Magazine...


The incident occurred on NBC's "Meet the Left" over the weekend, when the completely partial, leftist "moderator" David Gregory brandished an apparently illegally obtained 30-round gun magazine after DC cops say they told NBC that possessing and showing the gun on air would be illegal...

Must be nice to be a leftist 20 percenter. Say anything you want. Get away with it. Do just about anything you want. Usually get a way with it...

Law Schmaw -- do as you say, and not as you do, right leftists? And alas, that seems to be a big strain of the leftist world view. For example, just look at the so-called "occupy movement" and the anarchist roots behind it, and don't even get me started on the leftists' absolute "civility" hypocrisy.  You see, to the leftists, things like laws, rules and principles apply to everyone but them.

And a final note, leftists: I don't want to hear word one from you kooks about this being some sort of journalistic issue. This illegal magazine was used as no more than a damn prop during Gregory's interview of some deranged right-winger NRA freak...

Plus, regardless, you simply have no right of expression or press that permits you to possess and parade around illegal contraband. So spare me that bullshit in advance, please, leftists. Use your time more wisely -- maybe go commit some more crimes or something.

http://www.politico.com/story/2012/12/cops-nbc-told-dont-use-gun-clip-85497.html

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

HARK! I Hear DREADFUL Noises!



But alas, it was just a Christmas Eve nightmare.  At least Christmas gives us a nice 24-hour respite from the voices of the disgusting American politicians of both ilks who currently threaten to ram this country right straight down to hell.  But never fear -- they'll be right back at it come Wednesday.

Monday, December 24, 2012

No Country for Dart Fans Who Look Like Jesus: "Christ Lookalike" Gets Tossed from British Darts Tournament!



And right before Christmas!  No, this wasn't some public school event in the States, but instead a hugely attended and privately sponsored "darts tournament" in the UK...

And while it's not clear whether 33-year-old Nathan Grindal (a spectator at the event; pictured at top) intentionally sported his bushy divine get-up in order to distract the two championship round competitors, event staff said that was irrelevant...

That's since once the darts tournament crowd of 4,500 people burst into "raucous" chants of "Jesus! Jesus!", event organizers had heard and seen enough (link below), putting a bullseye on the joint's exits with this Fake Almighty's name written all over it.

But even this phoney Son of God's ejection hasn't stopped tempers from darting over the top.  Grindal is said to be "quite cross" over his treatment (Elton John over there!), while tournament champion Phil Taylor apparently wants a piece of the Lord:

"If I ever see Jesus [Grindal] again, I'll crucify him myself," this scrooge Taylor allegedly pledged.  Some folks just can't get into the Reason for the Season.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/15/nathan-grindal-jesus-kicked-out-darts-tournament_n_2307796.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

Friday, December 21, 2012

BROAD BLOTTER (Inaugural Edition): Coco Does Vegas; Kerry Defends Django; & Paz Poses in Playboy!



I'd like to introduce right now a new segment into TIR, as I give you my first dose of the "Broad Blotter" -- focusing on 2, 3 or more hot broads and providing an update on them and their ample assets...

This feature may (or may not) appear in this space from time to time (translation: when I gots nothing else or better to write about), but here goes the premiere installment (links at bottom):

1. Apparently leaving behind her recent controversy that saw her caught in a slew of "racy photos" with a rapper (AP.9) who's not her husband (Ice-T), bountifully bosomed "glamour model" Coco Austin has reportedly taken only too well to the leading role in a Vegas run of the show "Peepshow." No word whether Coco's "performance" involves much of anything other than her just strutting around and shaking her big bazooms, but does it really matter?

2. Gorgeous actress Kerry Washington has shown up as the cover girl on the new "Uptown Girl," defending in an interview her choice to portray a 19th Century American slave from Africa in Quentin Tarantino's new picture, Django Unchained.  I best know this hot little number Kerry from her lead role on ABC's "Scandal" -- although I do wish she and the other characters on that show would stop talking so damn fast all the time! I'm a Middle American anachronism -- you must talk slow to me.

3. "Boardwalk Empire" star and bona fide wildchild Paz De La Huerta is taking it all off for the January/February edition of "Playboy." The third season of "Boardwalk" just wrapped up, and while S3 benefitted enormously from the introduction of hilariously psychotic mafioso character Gyp Rosetti (actor Bobby Cannavale), it also suffered from the absence of Paz -- a dame who's not only extremely hot, but also (as a special added attraction) is half deranged, both on the show and in real life. BTW, is that seaweed tuft atop her upper melon actually real?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/18/coco-austin-hot-ice-ts-wife-strips-down-peepshow_n_2321873.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2249789/Cover-girl-Kerry-Washington-shows-perfect-figure-defends-decision-play-slave-Django-Unchained.html
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/12/17/boardwalk-empire-star-paz-de-la-huerta-tells-playboy-celebrate-nudity-every-day/

Thursday, December 20, 2012

"Where Have You Been?" Journalism Actually Breaks Out at White House Press Conference, as ABC Reporter (Obviously Having Read this Blog) Asks Obama Tough Question on Gun Control...


ABC News White House correspondent Jake Tapper won't be getting any Christmas cards from Barry and Michelle this year. For the last question at Obama's Wednesday "press conference," Tapper basically asked Obama why he's yakking up gun control now after basically never saying or doing shit about the issue until the Sandy Hook massacre occurred...

"Where have you been?", Tapper had the unmitigated gall to ask His Majesty. Can't have that. Wonder how long before either the White House or Tapper's employer puts the ol' kibosh on Tapper's current gig?

Obama, obviously taken aback and irritated by receiving a legitimate question from the press corps, had little in retort except to spout a variation of his tired old "we inherited this mess" talking point. Smooth!

Even if Tapper is allowed to keep his position, ABC should at least ban him from reading this blog -- where one of my immediate reactions to the Connecticut massacre was to question why leftists remain largely silent on gun control almost all the time except when some horrific mass murder occurs at the hands of a gunman.

So might as well have been Rager instead of Tapper asking that question. Regardless: B-U-S-T-E-D, Obama!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/19/jake-tapper-obama-guns_n_2333532.html?utm_hp_ref=media

[Late Thursday Postscript:  Looks like ABC won't get a chance to lower the boom on Tapper, since the news came out late today that he's jumping to CNN!  How ironic (or who knows, maybe not such a coincidence) that he'd make national news for sending a rare tough question Obama's way the day before he jumped ship to a new network.  Talk about goin' out with a BANG!]

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

AFTER Spending Last Weekend Worrying My Head Off, I'm Just NOW Seeing Where the Vatican Has Ordained that the World Will, In Fact, NOT End this Friday. Gee, Thanks for Nothin', Pope!


Talk about end of days late and a dollar short (link below) -- and this one has much more import than a damn tardy burger and mixed drink offering.  Where was Pope with this "no Mayan apocalypse" stuff when I and millions worldwide could've actually used it?  Before loading up on 15 giant salsa vats at Sam's Club...

Before clearing out Dirty Don's Bargain Center (Raytown, Missouri) of every single over-sized can of Campbell's Vegetable Soup on the joint's shelves...

Before telling the Aldi's at 95th and Antioch that if they gots an extra pallet of Spaghetti Rings, then I'll haul the damn thing away and give 'em 90 cents on the dollar (moving pallets without a forklift is a real bitch, BTW).

Or, before buying an old heap off that crazy coot Butch down at the junkyard to use for spare auto parts for my "bug out"...

A weekend wrecked (no pun intended). And a fine how-do-ya-do to start my work week, to boot.  Anyone need a 1982 Jeep CJ-5 (sans the U-joint, rear axle, and a few other things)?

http://www.myfoxny.com/story/20318206/vatican-world-not-ending-despite-maya-prediction

Friday, December 14, 2012

HORROR in Connecticut, as Subhuman Slimeball Kills 20 Little Kids and 6 Others at a Newtown Grade School...




In terms of the most horrific American events that I can recall in my lifetime, this one would probably be second only to 9-11.  And just like the sun came up this morning, American leftist 20 percenters immediately and predictably tried to politicize the massacre with highly original calls for more gun control (never mind that Connecticut already has strict gun control laws and the sleazebucket's guns were reportedly purchased illegally -- imagine that)...

You know, where in the hell are these leftists with their gun control cries whenever a massacre or mass murder hasn't just happened?  The silence is typically deafening.  Their viewpoint might garner a lot more respect from me if it ever came out their pieholes at any time other than times like today.

So they can talk their gun control, but here's where the focus of my thoughts lies tonight:  There's no greater human tragedy than the abuse, killing, sickness or death of a young child.  And the second greatest human tragedy occurs whenever a parent has to bury a child.  Here we have both 20 times over.  It gets no sadder.

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2012/12/14/police-respond-to-report-of-school-shooting-in-conn/

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Why Couldn't They Have Come Up With This a Bit Earlier? "Fully-Loaded Cheeseburger-Bloody Mary Has Business Booming at Milwaukee Bar"!


They're now offering this culinary delight at Sobelman's Pub & Grill in Milwaukee -- complete with "drink/burger creation garnished with shrimp, Polish sausage, cheese, pickled asparagus and sticks of leafy celery."

But alas, due to recent dietary and lifestyle changes, I'm afraid I won't be able to avail myself of the merits of this wonderful concoction.  Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop eating leafy vegetables.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2246072/Sobelmans-Pub-Milwaukee-offers-fully-loaded-bacon-cheeseburger-Bloody-Mary.html

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Dog Turd Tells Cow Patty It Stinks: Leftist Writer Claims "Single BIGGEST Story of 2012" Is the gop-er party Moving to the Right!


Two things here in response to the above claim from Huffington Post leftist 20 percenter "Dan Froomkin":  First, when a "story" is a big "No Shit, Sherlock" and has been ongoing for quite awhile, that ain't exactly "news" nor newsworthy.  The gop-er party's been moving more to the right?  Stop the Press!  The Biggest News Story of 2012!!  Or not.

Second, what we've consistenly seen throughout the 12 rotten years of the current century has been both of these two crummy parties moving incessantly farther towards their extreme bases.  In short, there's little place in either party for anything but the most devoted of ideologues anymore. 

And for a democrat party leftist to accuse the gop-ers of moving more to the extreme would be a bit like Henry "Pigsnout" Waxman accusing John "Party Time" Boehner's tan of impersonating a circus freak.  "Froomkin":  Hypocrite.

http://www.politico.com/blogs/media/2012/12/the-single-biggest-story-of-151570.html?hp=l9

Monday, December 10, 2012

Letting the Nuts Run the Asylum: U.S. House Votes 398-1 to Eliminate the Word "Lunatic" from Federal Legislation, With Only One Sane Voice in the Joint...


$16 trillion in national debt, but gop-er and democrat party goofs in Congress have more important things to worry about, such as the presence of the word "lunatic" in federal legislation.  In fact, the measure passed 398-1 late last week...

Immediately one wonders, who was the "1"?  And is that person really a staunch proponent of the word "lunatic"?  Turns out that the one dissenting vote was from gop-er Louie Gohmert of Texas (pictured above), and dude's actually apparently no fan of "lunatics" -- leastways not the kind that he has to deal with.  Said Gohmert:

"Not only should we not eliminate the word 'lunatic' from federal law when the most pressing issue of the day is saving our country from bankruptcy, we should use the word to describe the people who want to continue with business as usual in Washington."

Right on.  Probably could've said it only a little better myself. But let's get past the issue of why in the hell Congress is wasting time on such silliness. Another issue: If you're to get rid of "lunatic," what should it be replaced with?

I guess "whack job," "nut job," "oddball," "kook," "creep" and "loon" are out of the question given the hyper-sensitivity and extreme political correctness of the current rotten age.  But how about "maniac"? Melikes it. Or "psycho"?  "Madman"?  Those ain't so bad, no?

Or, if we feel the need to be particularly courteous and overly respectful, then how about "odd fellow."  I'm really likin' that one. So there you go, Congress. Now how 'bout that debt?

http://washington.cbslocal.com/2012/12/06/house-passes-measure-removing-word-lunatic-from-federal-law/

Friday, December 7, 2012

Fiscal Cliff/Schmiscal Cliff: My Best Advice on that Ongoing Story Is to Ignore It for the Next 2-3 Weeks...


We're not going off the "fiscal cliff."  The chances are about 95% or greater that the deranged right-winger gop-ers and Obama and his leftist 20 percenter democrat party will reach a compromise agreement to avert the full effect of the significant tax hikes and federal spending cuts that are currently set to take force in early 2013 (i.e., the so-called "fiscal cliff")...

But here's the thing.  That agreement is not likely to be reached until the very last minute, meaning the last week of December.  Until then, you'll see day after day of endless, sleep-inducing "stories" about partisan posturing, alleged "negotiations," and "fears" that we might actually "go off the cliff!"

Ignore it.  Pay attention in 2-3 weeks, but no need to waste your time now.  If the gop-ers had more of a hard-right-winger House Speaker than John "Party Time" Boehner, then there might be more of a risk of "going off the cliff."  But all indications are that Boehner and a strong sect of his fellow gop-ers are very committed to ultimately reaching an agreement, lest they be blamed by the advocate "mainstream" media for failing to do so (which they would be).

Regardless, once an agreement is reached, it still changes very little.  It doesn't change the stifling and ever-growing $16 trillion national debt and $1 trillion plus annual budget deficits amassed during the Obama and W Bush years that neither of these two awful rotten parties cares anything about getting under control.

So others can waste time following the daily minutia of the "fiscal cliff story" this month. I think I'll watch my DVR'd episodes of F/X's "American Horror Story" instead.  That show's not nearly as frightening, after all, as what's been going on in Washington the past 12 years.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-250_162-57557326/fiscal-cliff-talks-frozen-obama-lobbies-big-business/

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

No Eats on the Streets: Huron, South Dakota Bans Eating While Driving As Part of Its "Distracted Driving" Ordinance. Good For Them!...


...But why stop there?  There are a lot of potentially "distracting" behaviors that can occur on the road that could also conceivably lead to an accident.  I would urge the City of Huron to consider the following 10 actions for inclusion in the City ordinance:

1.  Passing gas while driving (especially following a Taco Bell border run): Crassly cuttin' the cheese is sure to garner the scorn of most passengers, thereby distracting the driver while he tries to devise lame excuses for the stench he's just wrought.

2.  Whacking mailboxes with a bat while driving:  Those three seconds looking in the rear-view mirror to check out the carnage can make all the difference between life and death on the open road.

3.  Receiving a Lewinsky while driving:  It's akin to installing a small glass elevator on your lap with incessant traffic back and forth between the penthouse and the sub-basement. Who can focus on the road?!?

4.  Giving a Lewinsky while driving:  Might as well let Stevie Wonder take the wheel.

5.  Dancing pirouettes while driving:  And I don't care if you have the lead role in the local production of Don Quixote opening the next day.

6.  Popping porn into the DVD player while driving (especially at night):  Even if it's not distracting to you, just imagine the double-takes from passing motorists. We don't want to see that.

7.  Tossing a pie at an innocent bystander while driving:  Been there, done that. And we nearly hit the next telephone pole.

8.  Jumping over cricks and small streams while driving:  Sure, it always looked good on the old "Dukes of Hazzard" program, but do you realize how many hundreds of '69 Dodge Chargers they went through on that show?

9.  Taking gout medication while driving:  Look, if you have gout in one of your joints, you shouldn't be behind the damn wheel in the first place!

10.  Reading a newspaper while driving:  Nothing says distraction, after all, quite like cracking open the morning rag right in front of the steering wheel at 50 MPH.  But hold on a second: The linked story says the Huron ordinance already specifically bans this particular activity.  Gosh, that City sure has its ducks in a row.  Nothing gettin' past their watchful eyes over there!

http://www.keloland.com/newsdetail.cfm/huron-enacting-ban-on-texting-while-driving/?id=140742

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Yawn at the Leftists: Some Left-Leaning Sports Talking Heads Predictably Try to Blame Lack of Gun Control for Jovan Belcher Murder-Suicide While Ignoring 1K-Pound Gorilla in the Room...



Perhaps even more predictable than the sun rising in the east yesterday, some left-leaning sports media figures like Bob Costas and Jason Whitlock immediately blamed the "gun culture" and lack of gun control laws for Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher whacking out his old lady baby mama and then offing himself.  How original!

Because, of course, anytime someone's killed with a gun in the United States, don't ever look to blame the slimeball perp, but instead look for an opportunity to try to fit the tragedy into the cliched, left-wing, agenda-driven, "gun control" talking point.  It's opportunistic, for sure, and it's also boring, tired, and exhibits all the original and independent thought of a first grader bathroom joke.

Not to mention, there was a report this week from Deadspin.com and the New York Post that Belcher's alleged struggles with "head injuries, alcohol and painkillers" may have played a role in his crazed, deranged behavior (link below)...

Now there, you might actually have something interesting, something worth pursuing from a journalistic perspective (leastways, I would, if I was still a journalist).  But let's not let completely fresh, cutting-edge issues (such as the expectation that NFL players play with incredible amounts of pain and lingering head and other injuries lest they wish to be released -- the "1000-pound gorilla in the room") get in the way of the same old stale talking points (e.g., "Gun Control, Baby!) that we hear every single time there's a gun-related murder.

After all, that would take a bit of effort.  A bit of individual thought.  An eschewing of the regurgitation of the typical ideology-driven talking points like so many mindless, group-thinking, Zombie-like creatures that we see in the partisan world.  But alas, that sort of thing is rarely an easy task for any person on the left or right, even if they hail from outside the political world.

In the sports realm, mind you, I would never call either the left-leaning Whitlock or Costas (both of whom I've always generally liked as sports talking heads) any sort of ideologue, but they still both disappoint here.  Whitlock usually seems to strive for original takes, even when they strain credulity -- but he utterly fails in this instance to even "sport" an ounce of originality.

And I'm disappointed in Costas too, who actually parroted a bunch of Whitlock's words instead of even coming up with his own.  You can do much better, guys, than simply sounding like everybody who's out there in the partisan hack universe.  Maybe stick to the sports next time.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/girlfriend_running_friends_belcher_OGIdPQMQWl3vKf4Jasj5EP

Monday, December 3, 2012

"Start Asking Real Questions": You Know It's Bad for the Left-Slanted "Mainstream" Media When Even a Largely Apolitical Entertainment Type Like Jay Leno Calls You Out...


During a "Tonight Show" monologue late last week, Leno noted, "This week CBS News became the first news organization besides [right-slanting] Fox News to ask President Obama 'Who changed the Benghazi talking points?'" 

[This was in reference to Obama's minions sending out flunky UN Ambassador Susan Rice to spout "The Video, The Video, The Video" as the cause of the Benghazi attack and murders on 9-11 despite the US intelligence community early on finding that it was a well planned out terrorist attack.]

Continued Leno:  "See, this is very dangerous to the White House if journalists should suddenly start asking real questions."  Ouch-O-Bama!  Since it's not exactly like Jay Leno is some bastion of right-winger groupspeak over there.

That one throws a little monkey wrench in the typical "World Is Flat" leftist 20 percenter contention that the ONLY major news outlet that's biased is Fox News -- just like the sun comes up in the west and the sun revolves around the earth, don't ya know.

http://newsbusters.org/blogs/noel-sheppard/2012/11/30/leno-very-dangerous-white-house-if-journalists-should-suddenly-start