It's Not As If She Threw Away Their Smokes: Kids Allegedly Unleash "Vicious Attack" on Mama For Tossing Out Their Beer!

I guess this story might make a lick of sense if Mama had tossed out the kids' cigarettes, suddenly turning them into nicotine fiends on the warpath. But Bud Light? Are we talking about a couple of full-blown teenage winos, or are they simply just the kind of kids who would beat up a parent over a few lousy beers (allegedly)? Either way, it ain't good...

Mama reportedly didn't like the idea of her underage brats (18-year-old Lindell Ferguson and 20-year-old Brittany Ferguson of Fayettesville, Illinois; pictured above) hitting the ol' bottle in advance of age 21. I'm on record as to what I think about the 21 drinking age (it's bullshit), but it's still the law. Not like the 42-year-old Mama was being so unreasonable over there.

So when Mama found some Bud Light around the house, she says she tossed away those brewskies faster than a Natty Light hangover. Mama's house, mama's rules, right? Wrong. Because that's when all hell broke loose...

Cops say daughter Brittany flew into a rage and first starting hitting Mama right in the face with a big "piece of trim." For good measure, Brittany also allegedly clocked Mama right in the kisser with her bare hands and started kicking Mama's body.

But that's was Sonny's beer too that Mama had so brazenly discarded! So Sonny naturally wanted in on the action (allegedly). Only makes sense.

So the Brittany beatdown on Mama was still ongoing, Sonny allegedly jumped into fray to get his own licks in on Mama's anti-beer hide -- allegedly elbowing her in the head. (No word whether Sonny tossed in a gratuitous "Why You, I Oughta Pound You" blast before he joined in the pummeling (allegedly)). Cops found Mama badly beaten "with a black eye, bloody nose and injuries to her body."

And now if Sonny and Brittany want to get their drink on, they may have to go buck up to Morgan Freeman down in the cooler, since cops have busted their boozin' behinds with several counts of domestic battery charges. I think we know one person they ain't gonna see during visiting hours.

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/dailyrft/2011/12/st_clair_fayetteville_mother_beer_domestic_battery.php

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2071987/Children-beat-mother-throwing-away-beer.html

"I Was Just Spanking My Ass! Want My Pink Weapon?" Cops Allegedly Catch PA Man Pleasuring Himself in a Parking Lot with a Pink Dildo!

Pretty in Pink, he's not. Cops in Pennsylvania may now reconsider taking any shifts over the witchin' hour after the freak show they say they stumbled across recently in a nightclub parking lot at midnight. I mean, this goof makes the demented Long Duk Dong look more boring than a Mitt Romney lecture on the merits of steadfastness (allegedly).

Cops say 49-year-old Robert Matello (pictured at the top) first caught their eye when they spotted him and his tool toolin' around said parking lot with his britches pulled down to the pavement. But that wasn't even the half(ass) of it, not by a longshot.

The first things the cops say they saw (or "observed," as they like to say) was Matello "inserting an unknown pink object into his anus." At the same time, cops say, the bone-a-fide John Thomas was also whacking up a storm as he "held his penis looking at both Officers."

Approaching this Daft Ding Dong, the cops reportedly started in with a few routine questions, such as whether Matello was carrying any weapons on his person. And I guess this Frankfurter Freak thought he'd get some fudge points for being honest: "Yes, I have a pink dildo," Matello allegedly revealed in response to the cops' weapons inquiry.

Further appearing to seek the cops' good graces, Matello next allegedly whipped out the "pink weapon" and tried to hand it right over to the cops. Having allegedly seen precisely where that sick pleasure stick had been only moments earlier, the cops reportedly refused the evidentiary offer and told Matello to stick that damn thing right back in his pants (where he had allegedly placed it as the cops approached).

This deranged Ding-a-Ling Matello even allegedly tried to offer up some Lame Dong Silver excuses in a main vein effort to escape arrest: "I was just spanking my ass," he allegedly spurted, in addition to asking whether it was any crime to "only be pleasuring myself" out in public.

But as reported by The Smoking Gun (link at bottom), "despite these reasonable explanations," cops still pounded this depraved tallywhacker's talkative ass with more trouble than even 100 pink dildos and a security guard in the basement of an L.A. pawn shop.

Specifically, this jaded Jackass-in-the-box Matello faces charges of indecent exposure, "open lewdness," and being all liquored up (all f*cked up) in public (one charge that I personally find very difficult to believe).

Sad, since I fear he's about to learn a whole new meaning for the concept of being poked with a "pink weapon" down in the hole. But who knows, since this parking lot-loving lovestick may find the joint's rough equivalent (sometimes referred to as The Yard) most pleasurable. Won't even need any toys out there!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/sex-toy-used-in-public-654819

Newt Gingrich's Gay Sister "Slams Her Brother's Opposition to Gay Marriage" & Vows to Work "Hard" to Re-Elect Obama -- Who Also Opposes Gay Marriage!

This is ripe. I had to write about this one. This one gave me the biggest laugh I've had all week -- and that's even with myself around to entertain me...

The pictured Candace Gingrich-Jones is gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) and is the half-sister of deranged right-winger and tired old battle axe presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. And apparently she never took to heart that wise old sibling advice to "never take sides against the family," as imparted by the Melancholy Don, Michael Corleone, in the film Godfather II.

Gingrich-Jones this week went on the MSNBC show of fellow leftist lesbian Rachel Maddow in order to tear brother Newt a new one. Gingrich-Jones described her brother as being "on the wrong side of history" and took him to task for being an opponent of legalized gay marriage (link at bottom). She also seems to have a real burr in her saddle that brother dear didn't attend her own gay wedding ceremony (pictured below) involving Gingrich-Jones' wife, Rebecca.

Gingrich-Jones also vowed to "work really, really hard to make sure President Obama is re-elected next year" even if her own brother is the republic partisan nominee (which is about 50/50 or better right now). But sorry folks, that makes about as much sense as a Mississippi resident crossing the border to use an Alabama shithouse because the ones back home stink too much.

That's because the individual we currently have as president took the position a few years back that he is opposed to gay marriage, and that position has NOT changed or ever been retracted.

But as usual, just about anything Obama does (opposing gay marriage, whacking out Bin Laden execution style, getting into the Libya war in the name of spreading democracy, etc.) is just peachy with the leftist 20 percenters and their complicit "mainstream" media since Obama has a "D" next to his name. But when that idiot W Bush did any of those kinds of things, the leftists would go apeshit in the streets! Hypocrites.

Just on the gay marriage issue alone, we've seen this type of ultimate hypocrisy time and time again from the leftists. They'll attack beauty pageant contestants or just about anyone else who opposes gay marriage, while completely ignoring their own beloved Obama's identical position on the issue -- an "Inconvenient Truth," as the Inventor of the Internet might say.

And right-winger republic partisans, in fairness, are little different when it comes to incessant hypocrisy and defending people with an "R" next to their names for things they'd attack a member of the democrat party for doing. But two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're an American partisan, that is. What a depressing way to go through life, that must be.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2071607/Newt-Gingrichs-gay-half-sister-says-work-really-really-hard-Obama-reelected.html

Glad He's Not in Kansas Anymore: Obama's Speech This Week Dumps the Sunflower State With More B.S. Than Three Pinocchios in an Alabama Shithouse...

That would be a three seater! I'm just glad I was able to escape my current state of residence (Kansas) on Tuesday because I don't think I could have stomached the foul aroma. Sure, the reason for my departure to St. Louis that day was to attend a very sad memorial service, and I'm not sure how I got through some treacherously icy roads in the western half of Missouri that morning. But thanks to the individual we currently have as president, Kansas had a real stench about it on Tuesday, and I'm grateful something (anything) got me the hell out of here.

Of course, it was on Tuesday that the illustrious leftist one graced the small town of Osawatomie, Kansas with his royal presence. The point of the speech? Does it really matter? Who listens anymore? Suffice it to say that the speech was just as chock full of leftist 20 percenter bunk and blather as any typical Obama speech (that is, once he got around to realizing he was in Kansas and not Texas -- a gaffe that the smartest president in American history committed at the start of the speech).

But don't just take my word for it. The linked story (at bottom) from the Fact Checker at the Washington Post (not exactly a bastion of right-winger sentiment) is none too complimentary to Obama's Kansas speech when it comes to the speech's facts and honesty.

I won't bore you with all the minutiae and wonkish details -- hit the link if you want any of that. Suffice it to say: Blame Bush, blame lower taxes, blame billionaires, blame everything and everyone but me. Yawn.

Besides, the Post's descriptions of the speech pretty much tell the whole tale: "Simply wrong"; "Lard[ing] his case with suspect data"; "Suspect facts"; "Suspect statistic"; "Surprising"; "Rely[ing] on a dubious, unverified source for a major presidential address." Which can all be condensed into one word: Bullshit.

The Post's Fact Checker has a "1 to 4 Pinocchios" scale that it uses to rank political speeches for their honesty, accuracy and truthfulness. For example, zero "Pinocchios" means a generally accurate, honest speech, and "one Pinnoccio" means a speech with "no outright falsehoods" even if it does "shade some facts" and contains some omissions and exaggerations...

The Post gives Obama's Kansas speech a rather scathing "three Pinocchios" for "significant factual error and/or obvious contradictions." Only by the skin of his teeth, it would seem, did Obama escape the publication's worst rating -- the dreaded "four Pinocchios," which is rarely given out and is reserved for speeches full of outright "whoppers."

My best advice for Obama (or for any pathological liar who may happen to be reading): Limit the factual assertions in your speeches. Stick to pure opinions and stale focus group rhetoric whenever possible. For example, instead of saying "fair share" and other "fair" derivatives 500 times in a short speech, up that ante to 1,000 times. Shit, just do that and you might find yourself down to two Pinocchios in two shakes of rat's ass.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/fact-checker/post/obamas-kansas-speech-some-suspect-facts/2011/12/06/gIQAUU45aO_blog.html?hpid=z1

I May Have Flunked, But At Least I Never Drove Into the Damn Ocean: Woman Taking Drivers Test Nearly Caps a Hobo, Then Sails Into the High Seas!

Hey, I've had the Drivers Test Blues myself. I flunked twice at age 16. The first time through was the accumulation of a whole comedy of errors. The second time, I tried turning right from my left lane on a four-lane street. I flunked that one right there on the spot. "Uh, take a left at the next block," said the copper as he made me drive straight back to the examination station. But despite such horror stories, at least I never, ever, ever drove my '78 Ford Fairmont right into a large body of water (leastways during a drivers test), nor did I ever scare a hobo half to death (while operating a motor vehicle)...

Hard to say whom the biggest goof was here: 35-year-old Chile native Angela Castro or the instructor who had her take her drivers test on a freakin' coastal highway! That would be dumber and more dangerous than a campaign manager giving a polygraph test to Nancy Pelosi or Herman Cain. Talk about high risk, low reward.

During the drivers test, Castro (with instructor Edgardo Aguilera in tow) was reportedly driving her pick-up truck just a tad too fast as she approached a sharp curve on the coastal highway. But while most drivers would typically adjust to such a situation by hitting the brakes, Castro instead gunned the gas pedal (pictures above and below)! Whoops. Peligro!


But the scene was not so amusing, I'm sure, to a local hobo who had been sleeping on some rocks near the curve. As Castro lost control of the truck, she reportedly came within "a matter of inches" of running right over the slumbering roadside bum.

But even with the sleepy tramp now safely in the rear-view mirror, this speed demon Castro next smashed right through a metal barricade on the curve -- forcing her, her instructor and the truck to take a big long header straight into the Pacific Ocean!

For the lead-footed speedster Castro, there's both good news and bad news on this day. On the positive side of things, neither her nor her risktaker instructor were seriously injured, and both were ultimately able to safely escape the submerged truck largely unharmed.

But the bad news is twofold. First, that waterlogged pick-up ain't never gonna be quite the same. Can you say, "mold remediation"? Second, and even worse, the instructor gave Castro's high-speed ass a big fat F-A-I-L for "misjudging a curve" on that drivers test. "Misjudging," BTW? Didn't Teddy Kennedy once say something like that to cops about 10 hours after the fact? Worked out about as well for him too.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2070830/Think-failed-Learner-taking-test-drives-car-Pacific-misjudging-bend.html

Who Says Pot Never Kills You? Busted for Allegedly Smoking the Tree in the Shithouse, New York Man Keels Over From Damn Heart Attack After Cop Fracas

Holy Smokes, it would have been a simple possession charge! Instead, a man lies dead from a heart attack reportedly suffered after he engaged in a battle royal with the cop who allegedly caught him smoking (a manny mota) in the boys' room...

This sad story allegedly began with 39-year-old Cory Holmes hitting a New York college campus shithouse for a little puff on pato the magic dragon. Bad move, since a cop was also using the crapper at the same time and caught the very distinct whiff of burning hog leg in a nearby stall.

When the cop confronted this alleged latrine paca lolo puffer, Holmes reportedly scurried outta the shitter faster than John Edwards receiving an all-clear from hotel staff. The cop says he took to chasing Holmes across a parking lot, caught him, and then a big melee ensued.

During the brouhaha, this hooter hoofer Holmes allegedly yanked the cop's gun right out of its holster! As the two men fought over the gun, some of the bullets even flew out (although no shots were fired). Some pesky good samaritans reportedly ruined all the fun, however, by helping the cop end the fray and to slap the ol' cuffs on Holmes.

That's when things took a turn for the even worse, as Holmes reportedly had a fatal heart attack following the fight. But they don't call Reggie Onion "kill" for nothing, people. And kids: Never fire up a fatty. (Or fall in love with a broad named Mary Jane.)

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/staten_island/suspect_busted_for_smoking_pot_drops_a7j0RPGSXgJnqDilwAF17I
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/staten_island/heart_attack_kills_pothead_ffHgPWEI2V5KxCXxf2LCON

You Could Even Put Lipstick on This Pig: Female Artist Goes Hog Wild, Lives Buck Naked in Squalor in a Damn Pig Pen for Over Four Days!

If that don't absolutely beat a pig a-peckin'! She's 30-year-old Korean "artist" Miru Kim, and visitors to the Art Basel Miami Beach art show didn't exactly have to buy a pig in a poke this week to see her (all of her). Nothing hidden. They could see it all right through the display glass!

It's all a part of Kim's art exhibit (entitled "I Like Pigs and Pigs Like Me"), which has this stark-naked swine lover "staying in a pen" with a couple of pigs for 104 straight hours like some deranged version of a BLT sandwich eaten from a trough. She won't be fittin' to roll with a pig after that!

The makeshift pig pen and its bare-skinned inhabitant are prominently featured at the front of the art show, allowing visitors (apparently including some little kids; see below) to gawk at the buck naked boar lady to their little hearts' content.

Now you might think that Kim's intentions here stretch little past the obvious one of garnering Net publicity and having demented blogsters write about her. After all, her previous "work" has been highly exhibitionist and has included being photographed nude in an oddball assortment of strange places, such as on top of abandoned buildings (see below), in old tunnels and on bridges.

However, Kim claims she also has artistic intentions here as well that extend beyond merely showing off her porkbelly: "When I mingle with pigs, I feel my existence more than ever," she oinked. And that's fine, I guess, so long as we don't have to smell her existence in that pig pen.

Kim says she developed a "strong attachment" to pigs when she watched one get dissected in a classroom while she was a student at Columbia University in New York. Because, after all, there's little that tends to bond man to animal more than seeing the animal's dead carcass get its guts hacked into by Professor Plumb down in Biology 101.

Explaining further, Kim says that prior pig dissection "is when I noticed that their anatomy and skin color is close to ours." This raises a good point, since come to think of it -- my snout, hooves and pointy ears really aren't all that far removed from those of a pig. Stick a fork in this side of bacon, I'm done!

This reportedly ain't the first time Kim's entered the ol' pig pen, either, as she makes a regular practice of entering the pen and rolling around in the muck and mire: "Pigs are sensitive, intelligent creatures and when I enter the pen with them on these farms they react with fear or curiosity at first," squealed Kim.

But she says she wanted to do a live performance this time since damn pesky still photographs can only tell you so much: "I want people to feel the process of my body mingling with pigs, the sense of touch that is harder to grasp in the final photographs." And since I know about as much about living with pigs as a hog knows about Sunday, I'm just gonna have to trust her on that one.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3974603/Naked-artist-is-pig-of-the-bunch.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2069002/Art-Basel-2011-Muri-Kims-The-Pig-That-Therefore-I-Am-Exhibit.html

She Allegedly Served Thanksgiving Breast in Exchange For Some Gravy: Buxom Bike Broad Allegedly Bangs 15-Year-Old Boy at Turkey Day Family Gathering!

[For Jimmy Van Gobble:]

Jeezal Peezal, Coach Petrillo, I've been going to these damn Thanksgiving gatherings my whole life, and all I ever gots out of it was a lousy 10 extra pounds and Uncle Ed razzin' me about how many damn mashed potaters I'd polished off. And I sure as hell never got any Late November Lovin' from some hot invited guest...

"The scene unfolded at a family gathering" held on Thanksgiving late last month in Spring, Texas. Cops there say 23-year-old bosomy motorcycle racer Amanda Billiris (pictured at the top and below) attended the event with a little more on her mind Kawasakis and cranberry sauce.

Allegedly, this big-balconied biker babe was lookin' to rev up her multicylinder engine and pop something more than just a wheelie on a certain unsuspecting 15-year-old male victim who happened to be in attendance.

And this voluptuous velocipede vamp was allegedly none too discrete in riding this boy like he was a Honda touring bike, since multiple relatives of the kid say they spied this dirty T-Day deed going down right there on the premises before someone finally broke it up. No word whether a two-stroke or four-stroke engine, or any Wankel on the ol' wanker, might have been involved.

Regardless, this robust road girl did reportedly suffer a "severe blow to the head" during a 2009 motorcycle crash, which might explain why she's going around lookin' for 15-year-old crankshaft on family holidays (allegedly). Maybe she mistook the kid for a Suzuki roadster and was just trying the kick start him when that damn pesky family busted in?

But this chesty two-wheeler now may have to turn in her teen male sidecar for a modified old lady of the chopper variety, as cops have nailed her Harley hide with charges of felonious sexual assault of a child -- meaning up to 20 years in the hag hoosegow. Which would officially make the greenbean casserole that day the most expensive dish served up in Texas since Anna Nicole Smith shacked up with that decaying old oil Dutch oven back in the '90s AD.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2011/12/amanda_billiris_police_relativ.php
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2069622/Woman-arrested-caught-having-sex-15-year-old-boy-Thanksgiving-Day.html

Another Day, More Right-Winger Allegations of Left-Slanting Media Bias. Complete Bunk, As Usual...

The gop-ers love to rail on and on about the so-called "mainstream" media (ABC, CBS, CNN, NBC, MSNBC, New York Times, Washington Post, etc.) being incessant advocates for the American left and its democrat party. Hearing more of that drivel on the radio Friday, I went right to the top of the alleged list (ABC News) and looked for any shred of evidence that might vindicate the deranged right-wingers' tired old argument.

Here's what I found on ABCNews.com under its list of the Top 10 currently trending political video stories late Friday night:

-"Mr. Press Secretary, What's Gorilla Dust?"
-"Herman Cain: 'I Am Reassessing' "
-"Gingrich Compares Wife to Nancy Reagan"
-"Gingrich: Individual Mandate Is 'Unconstitutional' "
-"Obama Lights New National Christmas Tree"
-"Gingrich: 'I'm Going to Be the Nominee' "
-"Newt Gingrich Clarifies Child Labor Comments"
-"Michelle Obama Unveils White House Christmas to Kids"
-"Obama Grabbed, Yanked Forward By Enthusiastic Hand Shaker"
-"Cain Deflects 'Character Assassinations' "

As should be immediately evident from this list of Top ABC News political stories, there's no shortage of hard-hitting news coverage about the Obamas. Shit, four of Top 10 stories deal exclusively with the Obamas and/or the White House. Who the hell says they get a free pass? (Below photo courtesy of current ABCNews.com).

And then let's turn to the stories covering the republic partisans. Two focus on Newt Gingrich's high level of confidence in himself -- an attribute for which the electorate is absolutely starved when it comes to its presidential candidates. If anything, those stories could be viewed as center-right-leaning treatments when it comes to the former speaker. Another story further grants Gingrich the opportunity to clarify some of his earlier highly controversial comments. Who would do that if they were biased against Gingrich? (Below photo courtesy of current ABCNews.com).

Next we have two headlines containing admittedly very pithy quotes from the Hermanator demonstrating his stick-to-it-ive-ness when it comes to carrying on the campaign fight in face of myriad scandalous allegations about his past dealings with women. ABC News might even be accused here of carrying the Cain Train's water by making him out to be some sort of determined Rocky or Gen. Patton-like figure. (Below photo courtesy of current ABCNews.com).

So where's the bias? I ain't seeing no evidence of anything like that. Just more exaggeration by the gop-ers. I mean, what's next from those guys? An allegation that the mainstream media only focuses on negative gop-er stories and positive democrat ones, or that they just hate Herman Cain because he's black?

They May Want to Change Horses in Midstream: Playboy's Barbi Twins Outraged at Obama & Others For Lifting of Horse Slaughter Ban...

I'd say former Playboy playmates Shane and Sia Barbi (apparently previous Obama supporters) backed the wrong horse in 2008 AD. The two self-styled horse advocates are making more noise than a gelding on the chopping block after Obama this week signed legislation lifting the 5-year ban on horse slaughter for meat.

These two bosomy buckaroos may look as healthy as a horse, but they were just champing at the bit this week to take to Twitter to blast Obama and Wyoming state lawmaker Sue Wallis (a leading supporting of lifting the ban) -- whom the Barbis refer to affectionately as "Slaughterhouse Sue." Their Tweet said:

"Obama screwed up & caved n 2 Slaughterhouse SueWallis. Many excuse Obama sayn he didn't know what he sign! He caved n 2 Slaughterhouse SueWallis the devil!"

These two buxom bronco broads also weren't holding their horses when it came to an e-mail they put out to stud this week: "While Obama was pardoning a turkey, he abandoned our horses," neighed the roughriding tandem. But by attacking the leftist 20 percenter Obama, might they just be looking a gift horse in the mouth?

Regardless, even more of this shapely pony pair's horsey ire seems directed at ol' Slaughterhouse Sue (pictured below), whom the Barbis describe as a "pro horse slaughter" gop-er politician. (Try running for office on that platform, BTW: "Send me to the statehouse, and I'll see to it that horses are butchered from one side of this state to the other, since I'm the only Pro-Horse Slaughter candidate in this race!").

The Barbis have apparently put Slaughterhouse's Sue personal phone number out there on the Net, imploring people to call the lawmaker and tell her to get off her high horse. "How lovely of them to blast my personal information to the world," whinnied Ms. Slaughterhouse in response. Better break out the riding crop.

Also straight from the horse's mouth, Slaughterhouse Sue says that before people kick up their heels at her too much, they should rest assured that she's "not out to hunt down every Mr. Ed in American farmhouses." (Wilbur Post and his voluptuous blonde bombshell wife Carol just snorted a huge collective sigh of relief).

Ms. Slaughterhouse also actually claims that allowing horse slaughter "improves horse welfare" by giving horse owners an outlet for selling off their old plugs instead of inhumanely "dumping them out in the desert." (And indeed, it is a load of my mind that when my mare Flossy gets old and worthless, I won't have to truck her from Missouri down to the Arizona desert after all).

When she's not being a republic partisan, Slaughterhouse Sue also heads an organization called "United Organizations of the Horse" (apparently having no connection to Duran Duran's "Union of the Snake"), which has been beating this issue like a dead horse for years with the Barbi twins.

Ms. Slaughterhouse's organization has even reportedly put the two chesty horse lovers on a "black list" of political opponents (presumably similar to the Obama and Nixon "enemies list"). And that's precisely what has to be done with people who disagree with you -- since, after all, while you can lead a horse to water, you damn sure can't make him drink.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1211/69542.html

"Fighting Is What Rednecks Do!" Man Allegedly Goes After His Son with a Shotgun, Then Tries to Escape Charges By Claiming He Was Just Being a Redneck!

I would call it "the ol' redneck defense," but frankly I've never heard of this one before. But something tells me it ain't gonna fly. It's basically akin to whacking somebody out and then claiming, "that's just what we killers do." Or maybe next we'll get an undertaker who sets fire to his wife but claims that "cremating people is just a part of the family business."

Regardless, this whole story (link at bottom) first got off to a shocking start when 43-year-old Mark Wach (pictured above) of Palm City, Florida started hitting the bottle at home and got all liquored up on alcohol (allegedly). Now let the gun play begin!

First off, Wach apparently had a big beef with the family lawnmower, since he pulled a pistol on the yard-grooming contraption and proceeded to shoot the hell out of it (allegedly). Next turning his attention to the living, Wach then allegedly took his sidearm and started up a row with his 18-year-old son.

Junior managed to wrestle the handgun away from Daddy, but Junior's old man was not about to be deterred. Not by a long shot. Wach next allegedly went and got a big shotgun and started going after Junior with that! But Junior somehow managed to also get the 12-gauge pump action shotgun away from Daddy Butter Fingers.

Left with only his fists to throw around at this point, Wach allegedly started scuffling with Junior right out in the front yard. (No word whether the lawnmower played any role in the impromptu hardcore match).

When cops arrived, Wach was apparently in no mood to have to wait for his next fight. When Wach refused to stop fighting (allegedly), cops shocked his redneck ass with a 50,000 volt stun gun! End of incident, right? Wrong.

This fightin' lawn pugilist wasn't gonna let some itty bitty stun gun blast stop him! He allegedly managed to keep up the fight with Junior until cops had tased him three damn times just to get the old man off the kid.

As the cops cuffed him and stuffed him, Wach reportedly questioned what it was he did that was so wrong and that deserved a trip to the hoosegow: "Fighting is what redneck people do," Wach allegedly pleaded with the officers. And that wasn't his only defense.

As for the gun play, Wach reportedly explained to officers that "I shoots in the yard all the time." If only the Son of Sam had thought of that one ("No one ever complained before when I rubbed someone out!").

Now Wach may have to exchange his guns for a shank when his next fight time rolls around, since cops threw his ass in the can and charged Wach with domestic battery and aggravated domestic assault with a firearm. But that's only if the prosecutor can manage to overcome that shrewd redneck defense.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/11/28/UPI-NewsTrack-Quirks-in-the-News/UPI-46711322519400/?spt=hs&or=on

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2067346/Mark-Wach-told-police-Fighting-rednecks-do.html

"You're Old Enough to Kill, But Not For Votin' ": Idiot gop-er Presidential Candidate Rick Perry Doesn't Even Know the U.S. Voting Age!

Someone should stick this deranged right-winger republic partisan in an H.G. Wells time machine and transport his sorry ass back to 1968 AD, since I think he'd fit right in with those times as a part of the Nixon team. (The individual we currently have as president and his very Nixonian administration would fit in well there too, but that's a topic for another day...)

In particular, the news this mid-week has Rick Perry flubbing the U.S. voting age (not to mention the 2012 AD election date), as he told an audience of Gen Y punks that "he'd appreciate their vote if they were turning 21 by November 12." Must've woken up on the wrong side of the Texas shithouse, this Perry.

His Joe Biden/Herman Cain-style gaffe conjures up images of Barry McGuire's rather pedestrian '60s AD protest tune, "Eve of Destruction" (video at bottom), and its famous line about kids then being "old enough to kill but not for votin'."

The line referred to the patently absurd state of the law in the mid-to-late '60s AD, when an 18, 19 or 20-year-old could be drafted (or enlist) to "go and kill the yellow man" (Springsteen) in Vietnam while not being permitted to vote until the age of 21.

The 26th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution changed all that in 1971 AD by bestowing 18-year-olds with a constitutional right to vote. To this day, however, 18-year-olds in most or all states are still old enough to go kill in some foreign hellhole but are forbade by law from drinking so much as a damn Keystone Ice. The mindlessness of such a complete legal contradiction nearly rivals the ridiculousness of the pre-1971 AD voting age.

But of course, all of these various facts are completely lost on the goofy Texas governor Perry. He truly is little more than smart enough to talk, but not for completin' (coherent sentences). And that's only when he can remember what he believes in. Which is no guarantee or small potatoes for this fool.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2011/11/29/perry-flubs-u-s-voting-age/